Gravity
by TheSoggyBug
Summary: Sequel to Lo and Behold  but you can read it without reading last story . After unexpected events shatters everything, Peeta and Katniss go back to District 12. Everyone's watching the Mockingjay to see how things unfold. Peeta/Katniss
1. Chapter 1

_Hey everybody! It's me again! I have to admit I nearly cried at the end of my last story, but that's okay. That's why they call this a SEQUEL! So sit back, and enjoy another fifty-billion paged story full of suspense and violence and PEETA! And to all of you who didn't read the last story, here's the gist of it:_

_**It was my version of Mockingjay, except Peeta didn't get captured. When they realize they didn't have to be star-crossed lovers anymore, Gale steps in and does something unspeakable to Katniss [kind of like a friendly rape, except not quite so vulgar (sorry for the bringing that up, there)]. But anyways, a few weeks later, Katniss learns she is pregnant, supposedly with Gale's baby. But the tests by the doctor show that the baby was implanted by the Capitol, and was actually a muttation. **_

_** Soon after that happened, spies were found in D13, and the unspeakable happened: They murdered Gale. Tension and angst were running high for everyone, but it just had to get worse. **_

_** Despite Katniss' and Peeta's objections, a malicious doctor there in District 13 killed the baby, and when Kat tried to kill the doctor, she got put in the "Mental Instability Wards". When more tests got run on her, the doctors discovered that a nerve in her brain had malfunctioned due to the stress, and so she needed a surgery to fix that that would make her really unstable. **_

_** Oh, and sometime in that all, Kat and Peeta learn that District 13 is hosting what's called "project rebuild", meaning that they are reconstructing all the districts, starting from D12. So Katniss went into surgery a little less than a month before D12 was done. **_

_So it left off Peeta realizing that Katniss' wasn't perfect at all, but he wouldn't give up on her, because he loved her, and all that stuff. Right now, it picks up right before Katniss gets released from her room in the hospital. Happy reading to all, and to all a good life! (Oh yeah, I did) It's back to Katniss' POV._

**oOo**

I stood in front of the long bathroom mirror, looking at myself. Today was the day Dr. Tyrwhitt was releasing me from the clutches of the hospital. Being back to normal was great and everything, but what psyched me up even more was the fact that next week I was going to go home. Like, _home-_home. Back to District 12.

Part of me was nervous. Peeta and I had an agreement, where when we got home, I would go back to living with my mother until the war was over. Despite the straightforwardness of that pact, I had to admit I didn't want to do it. I wanted to live with Peeta, but if I fought the cause any more, it would only make things worse.

Peeta shifted his weight next to me in the bathroom, watching me nervously running my hands through tousled, half-manageable hair. When I flitted my eyes up and saw him watching me, he grinned. "You seem really stressed out. We're only going back into normal civilization. Nothing to sweat over."

I could actually think of a lot of things I am sweating over right now, but I didn't say any to him. Instead, I stepped away from the mirror and held my arms out in a sweeping gesture. "How do I look?" It wasn't as if anyone else would be seeing me besides the people I already know, though. I'm still Katniss.

Peeta took a step back and looked at me. His eyes absorbed every inch of me, following my neck and shoulders, waist and hips, right down to my bare feet. I couldn't help but blush madly, the way he looked at me. If my mother ever knew… I shuddered at the thought. . His eyes went back up me, not much quicker, and locked onto my own.

"I think…" Peeta bent low and reached his hands around my neck. I could feel his fingers tips brushing my throat. He bent his lips down close to mine. "I think you look perfect."

A shiver ran the length of my body. I didn't know whether to completely melt because he said something so sweet, or be annoyed because he wasn't telling the truth. Guys only said that because they think it's that we wanted to hear. Or…maybe he was just the sweetest, best guy in the whole wide world.

I stretched up on my tippy toes and gave him a small kiss on the lips. "Thanks. You look perfect, too."

Peeta smiled slightly, and kept me close when I didn't say anything else. His breath tickled my eyelashes, every time he breathed in and out.

Up until last week, I thought Peeta had gotten sick. He was generally normal, but even when his eyes crinkled up into a smile, it didn't cover up that look in his eyes. It first showed up the second day in this room. Ever since then, there was a continual sad, concerned look in his eyes. That went on for a week, until about five days ago, I asked him what was up, and to tell the truth.

He told me everything. _"We're both so broken, but maybe with the pieces we are in, we could make a whole again." _ He had said, and through the whole talk, he didn't touch me. Not an arm around my waist, or even a hand on my cheek. _"Maybe you're right, Peeta." _I had responded. _"We'll get through this. Eventually we'll find the right puzzle pieces of ourselves to make an undivided soul. But until then I am okay with just being with you, as two separate entities." _To that, Peeta had scooped me up in his arms and had held me for an hour, just holding me.

Ever since then he had acted normal. Sweeter, even. The boost of his mood had affected mine, too. Even being stuck in this room, which even though is isolating, wasn't too bad now that the aura of the room was fifty times better.

Peeta's lips brushed against the corner my eye, and I felt his fingers smooth against the skin of my neck. He did this often, of course. Teasing me by kissing every area on my face except my lips. Instead of being how I usual was and doing it myself, I waited patiently. It was like a nice dozen cups of coffee, feeling electricity jump from everywhere he touched me, feeling the rush of blood in my veins.

He traced his lips across my cheekbone, and down my jaw, and along the bridge of my nose. He kissed me once, very gently on the lips. It felt as though my brain was melting through my ears, but I still waited. He kissed me again, and his mouth lingered on mine for a little longer. But to my disappointment, I only got one more before he pulled back, looking satisfied. I was anything but.

"The doctor said 11:00. We should wait out those extra five minutes." He tucked a stray bit of hair behind my ear and we went back into the room.

In preparing for getting out, we had cleaned the room. It looked unusually bare, since the usual bits of clothing weren't draped over chairs and such. The bed was freshly made, looking abnormally tidy after so many nights of sleep.

We walked over to the bed and sat down, careful not to mess it up too badly. We just sat, hand in hand for about ten minutes, when there was a knock on the door. It was common knowledge that the rooms in this part of the hospital automatically locked from the outside, so neither Peeta nor I bothered to get up and open it.

The door handle jiggled slightly, and it opened. My doctor for a month now, Dr. Tyrwhitt, walked in. Unlike my previous (not to mention certainly evil) doctor, Dr. Longarden, was currently in prison for murdering my daughter, but I try not to think about that too much or I have to cry for a few hours, sitting in the bathtub. It was routine. Everyone knew it.

Dr. Tyrwhitt greeted us with a small smile, and handed Peeta some papers stuck together with a staple, and while Peeta was busy filling that out, he turned to me with a contemplative look on. "You have healed faster than I would have thought, Katniss. Head surgeries like that would've taken another week, maybe. But you seem to be in good health." He took the papers Peeta handed back to him and I signed them as well. "But I don't want you doing anything too over-exerting for a while, okay?"

I handed the paper back and nodded. This was routine as well. "Thanks. For, um… Not letting anything horrible happen to me. I really appreciate it."

A laugh answered, slightly higher than Dr. Tyrwhitt's voice. "You're very welcome."

Though it wasn't at all like me, I found myself saying, "Because, you know… Dr. Longarden wasn't the best doctor I've ever had."

The doctor tutted and looked sympathetically at me. "Do you need an escort out? Or can you find your way?"

I glanced at Peeta, who shook his head slowly and gave a sheepish smile. "You might need to lend a hand to us. We haven't been outside the hospital for a month."

With an understanding smile, Dr. Tyrwhitt beckoned for us to go out the door before him.

My heart was thudding nervously in my chest, and I stuck close to Peeta as we followed the doctor down the hallways. We passed semi-familiar signs over doors, doors themselves, when we came to the front desk. Sadly enough, I recognized the ill-tempered secretary lady.

Her dull eyes fluttered up to Peeta and I, and she typed a few words into the computer. "Have a nice day, Mr. and Mrs. Mellark."

I was almost in awe; the lady had actually called me Mrs. Mellark. But I didn't linger on it too long, because Peeta put his arm around me and kissed me full on the mouth. I was too shocked to do anything.

His lips were gentle on mine, and for a moment the whole world melted away. I wasn't even aware of the secretary cleared her throat rudely. All that was there were Peeta and his arms clutching my shoulders closer to his.

When he broke away, Peeta ignored the doctors, and everyone except me. I was actually planning on saying goodbye and thank you to Dr. Tyrwhitt, but even that thought was lost when I was tugged out of the hospital by Peeta.

We walked through the halls, hand in hand. Every now and then, Peeta bent over and pressed his lips to the top of my head. I never said anything the whole time. My mind was too involved with the fact that I was free. Now I was able to sleep in my room, walk the halls freely, and go to meals with my family. But the other thing that really makes excited and all keyed was that, most likely, next week I was going back home.

That fact has been bouncing around in my head ever since Saturday, two days ago. I couldn't stop thinking about it and being nervous. Even if Peeta tries his best to distract me, it only works for a second, and then I go back to being nervous.

My heart started racing when we approached a familiar door I hadn't seen in about a month. Peeta and I stop, and he glanced down at me.

I was about to say something, adrenaline clawing in my chest, when I felt an arm behind my back. One swooped down onto the back of my knees and I was hoisted into the air. Peeta was laughing.

With a frantic cry, I clutched his neck. "Put me down, Peeta!"

After shifting me slightly in his arms, he—literally—kicked the bedroom door open.

"What the heck are you doing?" I could feel the heat pounding in my throat, and the room swayed under me and Peeta carried me across the room.

He just gave me a grin which could have passed at cute, but to me it just looked as though he had something up his sleeve. With a small jolt, I recognized that the look on Peeta's face as the one on Gale's when he…!

Immediately serious, I looked him square in the eyes. "Put me down. Now, Peeta." My voice came out harsher than I had wanted it to, but if that was what he was actually planning, it was worth it. I wasn't ready.

The look in Peeta's eyes was abruptly replaced with hurt and regret. Wordlessly, he lowered his arms and set me gently back down on my feet.

For a second I stood there, then my breath started coming out in little sobs, but I swallowed most of them. "S-Sorry, Peeta…"

Again, he said nothing, but the beautiful blue of his eyes asked me "_why?_"

I couldn't tell him. Taking another deep breath, I dropped the subject and looked around my room. "It looks somewhat neater than I had left it…"

Peeta smiled at me, but the hurt look wasn't quite gone from his eyes. "Yeah, sorry. That would be me."

A sudden rush of guilt hit me, and I succumbed to the urge to put my arms around his waist. "I'm sorry."

"For what? I didn't mind it." Though he acted like we were still talking about the room cleaning, I knew that he knew that I was talking about my outburst.

Instead of answering, I gave him a gently kiss on the corner of his mouth.

Peeta bit his lips and was silent for a minute, until he put his thumb to my cheek. "Lunch should be starting. You wanna go?"

I found myself actually looking forward to going back into the usual cafeteria and sitting with my family. Putting on a convincing (or so I thought) smile, I wound my fingers with his, feeling the reassuring squeeze back. "Yeah, I do."

"Okay." But he didn't do anything except give me a tiny smile, and then gazed out into the distance (aka the wall).

I didn't like that. I had upset Peeta way more than I had intended, and he wasn't getting over it. Sighing slightly, I turned his face towards me with a slim finger on his chin. "Peeta…that was the same look I got from Gale before he invited me into his room after yours and my reunion. That's why I acted like I did. I'm sorry."

The vacant expression on his face turned to shock, then sympathy. "I…" He sighed, and tucked my head under his chin. "That makes sense, I guess, but…" Peeta's sentence trailed off, and it was apparent he was going to say something besides that, but changed his mind. "I'm really sorry, Katniss. I didn't mean to ruin your homecoming."

I gripped my wrists together behind his back and imagined chains tying our hands behind each other's backs, blindfolds covering our eyes. I suppose that's what it was like back in the days or the Games. We had to be together, but never _together, _of you know what I mean.

Peeta brushed his hand against my hair and I felt him sigh against me. "Let's not talk about that. Too many bad memories."

"Good idea." I sniffed gently. I pulled away from the chains and took my blindfold off. Peeta was looking down at me, azure eyes sparkling sadly. "One more thing."

He blinked.

Without waiting for him to say anything, I reached up on my tippy toes and just barely brushed my mouth against his. Once the electric feeling left my body, I straightened back up and smiled. "Okay, _now _let's go to lunch."

**oOo**

_So, how was the first chapter? Was it too…middle-of-the-story? Anyways, today's my birthday so as a present to me, review. Just review. You don't even have to wish me happy 14__th__-life-anniversery. Just…tell me how I did. Something you liked? Something you didn't think belonged? OOC-ness? Let me know, because those who know me know that I only write the stories for the people who read them. :D Happy January 31, y'all!_


	2. Chapter 2

_:D Thank you to everyone for the amazing reviews you guys sent me! I have to admit I'm as excited as you are, 'cause the next, say, ten chapters are going to be BIG and IMPORTANT. And I think some of you guys know what I mean... Hehehe… Enjoy this chapter! Oh, and by the way, this chapter is dedicated to one of my best friends Sophie who made me laugh harder than I have in a while. 3 Love ya, Soph. Okay, now you can read.  
_

**oOo**

Even though I was gone for about a month, it was no trouble keeping up with Peeta as we made our way to the cafeteria. He kept his fingers around mine comfortingly; that was the only place we were touching. Despite what I wanted, I knew that we had to tone it down. It was a different scenario, being stuck in one room for a month. But out here in actual civilization, we can't act the way we did in the hospital. A hint of color crept into my cheeks just thinking of it.

As we got nearer to the cafeteria doors, I found myself speeding up. Peeta just went along with it, and by the time we were there, we had been jogging.

He shot me an amused look and opened the door for me.

If I was hoping for a drastic change of the lunchroom, I was disappointed. Everything was exactly the same as it was the very day I had left. Nothing out of the ordinary was in sight. Except for Primrose giggling her head off, if you could even count that at all.

I walked briskly over to them, and my footsteps apparently made a lot of noise (that's new…), because before I got to the table, Mother and Prim turned to look at me. Prim hopped immediately out of her seat and threw her arms around me. Mother stood up, too, and wrapped her arms around the both of us. At that point, Peeta had let go of me and stepped back.

See, the first time when I was confined in a room in the hospital, people were allowed to come and go to see me, but after I had my surgery, Dr. Tyrwhitt said that I was unstable enough for visitors, and only when I was released I could see anyone else. So I hadn't seen anyone besides Peeta for two weeks. I was okay with the Peeta part, but I missed my family a lot.

"How are you feeling, Katniss?" Prim pulled away, beaming at me with her dazzling sapphire eyes. "We haven't seen you for _ages._"

"Only two weeks, Prim." I couldn't help but smile at her and kiss the top of her blond head. She was nearing my height, but still had some three inches to go. For a fourteen-year-old, she was pretty small. "But I'm fine. And how are you two?" My gaze flicked up to Mother, who seemed to be wiping tears from her eyes.

"Things have been hard without seeing you, but I have to admit they've been too busy to tell." She smiled tiredly. "My new job has been wearing me down."

Mother had just recently gotten a job as a doctor here in District 13, and—even though she was getting paid for it—to be frank it was taking its toll on her. There is only so much a middle-aged woman could do.

I was still giving Prim a one-armed hug around her shoulders, while I was talking to my mother. "Well, if there is anything I could help you with…"

"No, no." She said quickly. "All you need to do is heal, young lady." Mother scolded with a jokingly stern look on. "What are you even doing here? You should be back in your room resting."

I couldn't help but sigh; I loved my mother, but she didn't understand that when I was trapped in the hospital for two weeks, I _was _healing. I don't need to anymore. But apparently Mother didn't think so. I gave her an exasperated look. "I am healed. And I wanted to come to lunch to see you." And, as a second thought, I added, "Plus, I'm hungry."

"Peeta could have brought you food, right?" My mother, who was still defending her point, looked at my husband with knowing look. Then she turned back to me. "But, nevertheless, I am glad you are here and okay." And she hugged me a second time.

Mothers…

We (Peeta, Primrose, Mother and I) chatted and laughed, hugged and cried, swapped stories about things that happened while I was away over lunch. Prim sat on my right side, Peeta at my left, Mother in front of the three of us. She seemed to be the most overjoyed of all of us, but she seemed so absolutely worn out. I was almost to the point of telling her to go to her room and get some sleep, but I didn't.

It turned out that there was definite news of Project Rebuild. When I brought up the subject, Mother turned around and pointed to way behind her.

"There are newsletters up near the serving table, Katniss, if you and Peeta would like to read what has been going on." She smiled at us.

I was about to get up when Peeta shook his head. "I'll get it."

When he came back, in his hands was a small, folded pamphlet that was the exact shade of the walls; an off-white, with little dots of grease stains.

Peeta sat down next to me and we both bent over it.

**09/06/28 **

**To the residents of the Refuge Quarter, D13**

** As you know, District Thirteen is hosting what is called Project Rebuild; Starting at District 12 going down to 1, volunteers from all quarters of District 13 will be helping the reconstruction of the District that have been previously sabotaged by the Capitol. **

** Started from April 20****th****, 3028, Project Rebuild has been going on for 4 1/2 months, in which time District 12 has been under construction. As rumor has it, the erection shall be completed September 19****th****, 3028. September 20****th**** is when D13 will be moving residents to District 12 by the means of Hovercraft, in order of ranking.**

** The reconstruction of District 11 will begin September 30****th****. See the administrative desk to volunteer.**

**Jaimee Harvan, **

**Head Official **

For a minute, Peeta and I sat there reading and rereading the information on the paper. I quickly did the math in my head. We have almost exactly two weeks until we get to get on the hovercrafts and go home.

Peeta's eyes—today a curious slate blue—flicked up to mine. "You understand what this means, Katniss?"

I nodded, though all I wanted to do was crawl out of the wrecked astronomy room ceiling and scream at the top of my lungs in joy. But I didn't, of course, because, being Katniss Everdeen, I had to keep my cool. Sort of.

I glanced over again at the paper, than back up to Peeta. "This is…" I was at loss for words. "I just can't believe it. Home. We get to go home." Barely containing my excitement, I looked up at my family, who were sitting around me with shining eyes. A sudden rush of involuntary affection hit me, and I had the urge to get up and hug everyone until they burst. That feeling surprised me, because this did _not _happen often.

Funnily enough, Peeta beat me to it. He put his hand behind my neck and kissed me full on the mouth. Unfortunately, no matter how much I enjoyed it, the eyes of Primrose and Mother drilled into me.

I had to pull away and scold him. "Everyone's watching, Peeta." And until I actually look around the room, it was evident that my words were truer than I thought.

Eyes from all around the large cafeteria were on the two of us. Some people were giggling into their palms. Some were gaping, wide-mouthed, not bothering to hide their eavesdropping. But most people who were watching Peeta and I just had their backs turned a fraction, but every one of their eyes were visible.

Mother laughed, breaking the silence. "You two count as 'high ranking', too. That means that you'll be with the crowd to go on the twentieth. There has been talk all around. Rumors, obviously."

I broke my gaze with a 10-year-old boy to look back at my mother. "What kind of rumors?" I wondered if I should be worried.

"The spy in the Capitol has reported back that an attack was being planned, but no date was set. People have been talking about the Mockingjay, of course." Mother's twinkling eyes grew suddenly fretful. "I don't want you fighting, Katniss. You're still unstable. There is no way I will be letting you participate in any kind of fighting any time soon."

"Same here." Peeta put his hand down on the table. "Ever, if I get my way."

I didn't like how Mother and Peeta were ganging up on me like this. It wasn't like I was going to sit under my bed the whole time while my friends and family get blown to bits. I had to do _something._ And the Capitol fight was huge. Personally, I didn't know why Mother and Peeta weren't freaking out about it more, but I guess the fact that it was merely a rumor lightened their hearts a bit. But there wasn't really any point in arguing right now; it was better to be happy and not arguing during a happy reunion. So I did nothing but shoot a look to each.

When lunch was over, and we had exhausted every possible topic under the sun, Peeta and I had to bid my family goodbye. We stood up and another bout of hugging hit me. It took a good ten minutes for Primrose and Mother to get it out of their systems and let us leave the cafeteria.

I sighed, glad to finally have some alone time. Maybe I had grown claustrophobic over the month of solitude.

Peeta, like normal, took my hand. "Where are we going? Your room or mine?"

I shrugged, genuinely not caring. But on the topic of whose room to use, I remembered the day before I got tossed into the loony bin. If my information was correct, Peeta had agreed for us to share a room since it was a right pain in the behind to go back and forth. When I told Peeta this, he blinked, remembering as well.

"That's right! I had almost forgotten." He smiled at me. "Which room would you like to use?"

Why was it me who had to answer all these questions? I took a split-second to think. "Yours. It would be vexing to take down all of your five thousand paintings just to hang them back up on my walls."

A slight frown twitched Peeta's fine lips into a frown. "Should I take them down anyways? You said they were awful. I wouldn't want them intimidating you anymore."

"No, they're fine." Though I spoke too soon. Personally, I hated having to relive the Games every time I walked into his room. But I had been slowly getting use to it. Maybe, eventually, I'll not care at all.

"In that case…" Peeta slowed down to think for a moment, and then he quickly turned down the sector where my room was, before we got too far away. "We'll take a few trips in between the two to get your stuff. I wonder if the officials need to know about the switch…" Then he shrugged, obviously not minding.

When we got to my room, we exchanged glances. To be honest, I was feeling a little overwhelmed.

"Where should we start?" I made a face, then turned to the wardrobe to begin maybe taking the clothes out to sort and fold them for moving.

"I have an idea." Peeta put his arm out in front of me to block my way to the closet. I frowned at him.

"What?"

He tried not to smile, and cast his eyes around the room in fake consideration. "How about we… Start out from where we left off in the lunchroom? Then we can clean."

For a second I had to ponder exactly what he meant. But it clicked. I only had enough time to look up before I was being folded into Peeta's arms and being kissed tenderly on the mouth.

It felt like hours we stood there, feeling the gentle pressure of one other's lips. But in reality, he only let us be together for around seven minutes. When Peeta broke away, it was near impossible to straighten my mind up.

"Peeta, um…" I closed my eyes, taking deep breaths. I reopened them when I felt saner. "We-we can't really do anything like we, um…like we did in the hospital."

He seemed to get what I was saying. But sadly enough, the aftermath of the kiss plus teenage boy hormones left him a little…off. Peeta grinned down at me. "Like maybe making out in a bed?"

"Peeta Mellark!" I smacked him on the chest, scowling.

"Sorry, sorry…" But judging by the smile still plastered on his face, I would say he wasn't. "Let's get your stuff out of this room, now."

I had no choice but to bow my head and follow him as he cleaned out the wardrobe. But in my head I was smiling, too. Ah, the joys of being hormonal teenagers.

**oOo**

_Hehehe I just realized how…not cool that starting A/N sounded. It sounded as though I was going to have Katniss and Peeta do IT, when I didn't mean that at all…__ "The next, say, ten chapters are going to be BIG and IMPORTANT. And I think some of you guys know what I mean..." Those who actually know what I mean know that I don't have anything of that sort planned for a while. ;D_


	3. Chapter 3

_I have "Boomerang" by the Plain White T's stuck in my head… :DD _

**oOo**

After about two hours of moving belongings, scrubbing floors, and making bed, Peeta and I finally got things worked out. Everything of mine was piled on his bed in his room (we didn't have time to actually sort it out right then), and my old room was spick and span. When we made it back to Peeta's room in one piece, he pulled me down onto the floor to rest, since the bed was full.

I flopped my head onto his shoulder and sighed a very gusty sigh. "We're half-way done…"

Peeta, who had sighed just like me, tucked his chin on top of my head. "Good job. I hope it's worth it."

"If it wasn't I wouldn't have done it." Since it was the closest thing to me, I pressed my lips to the crook of Peeta's jaw. "It's totally worth it."

He didn't say anything, just bent down to give me a brief kiss in agreement.

For a few minutes we took a break from hauling stuff, but around fifteen minutes later, we had to get back to work.

Peeta stood up, helping me up with him. "Let's get back to work. If all goes well, we'll have some time to spare before dinner at seven."

After shaking out my shoulders, I nodded.

First things first, we had to move the clothes from Peeta's bed. But there was the issue of the not-clean ones, and the ripped ones (that poor dress…), along with folding the rest. Peeta had no problem sitting on the pillows sorting out my clothes with me.

I tossed dirty clothes in the corner, clothes that I could no longer wear in another corner, and the rest I folded up carefully into one of the drawers of the wardrobe. When the hamper and the trash bin were full, I collapsed onto the mussed up blankets of what was now both mine and Peeta's bed.

The corners of his mouth twitched up when I closed my eyes, and the next thing you know, his arms were around my waist pulling me backwards against him. I felt one of his hands brush the hair away from my neck and he pressed his lips against the bare skin. "You sure you're okay with the pictures?"

"Mm… Perfectly fine…" When I had my surgery two weeks ago, I blacked out when I had vertigo, and it was impossible to think too hard without horrible pain. Now, two weeks later, all that remained of the side-effects was getting worn out easily. You can see why carrying an armful of clothing and a few other little things could make me so tired.

Things were peaceful and wonderful for a few minutes. Until, of course, my brain wandered to what my mother had said at lunch. _"The _spy _in the Capitol has reported back that an attack was being planned, but no date was set. People have been talking about the Mockingjay…" _Despite everyone's casualness at that, I was nervous.

But I had to face the facts. There will be a Capitol fight. I am the Mockingjay. And, whether Peeta and Mother want me to or not, I was going to fight, and I was going to kill President Snow. I knew it had to happen sometime, so why was I so frightened of it happening sooner rather than later?

My head was beginning to hurt, and I could feel the stress building in my stomach. With a small sigh, I stood up. "I need a shower. I'll be right back."

One of Peeta's eyebrows twitched into a polite question, but he just smiled. "Take your time. I'll be right here…"

The shower felt good; cold water unlocked and relaxed my tense muscles, making it easier to breath. Showering on my own felt good, too. Back in my room in the hospital, I wasn't allowed to be _anywhere _alone. Of course, Peeta and I wore our underclothes when we were in the shower, but it just wasn't the same. Doing this was nice, of course, but after dinner I was planning on soaking in the bathtub for an hour. I hadn't had a real bath in a month.

After scrubbing myself down with a bar of soap, I wrapped myself in a towel and stepped out. I felt 100% better than I did half an hour ago. My fresh clothes were sitting next to the sink, so I gratefully slipped into those and looked at myself in the mirror. My hair was an absolute mess, so I combed it out and plaited it into a neat black braid down my back. Once I was content with my appearance, I went back into the bedroom.

Peeta had his head back on the pillows, eyes closed lightly, and a nearly imperceptible smile on. When I crawled onto the bed next to him, he looked up. "Have a good shower?"

I shrugged and nodded. Peeta closed his eyes again.

He was so beautiful and serene like that, I couldn't just sit there. Gently, I slipped my hands under his head and pulled it onto my lap. Peeta didn't look at me, only smiled.

My heart automatically opened to this sweet, disheveled boy in my lap. Golden hair hung over long butter-colored eyelashes, which cast near-invisible shadows on his cheekbones. Peeta's skin was as unblemished as a bowl of cream, pale but not too pale. A flawless bone structure held his shoulders casually, and—fighting an adoring smile—I let my eyes trail further down. Wiry muscles shaped his familiar chest; all the baby fat I had known on him was gone.

Finally, I glanced down at Peeta's leg. I had grown so used to it, I needn't think about it often. Under the black trouser leg and the white sock was a plastic-and-metal contraption. Peeta would be gone without it. The contraption replaced what had been his lower leg, but over the time, handling it had become natural.

He wasn't perfect. Heck, he was far from it. No one who passed in the hands of the Capitol was left unspoiled. But it was okay that Peeta had imperfections. Because he was _my _Peeta.

I felt a sudden rush of protection and admiration for him. He _was _my Peeta. He was all mine and I loved him more than anything. In a way, all his flaws are my fault. Well, not fault so much. All of those scars, prosthetic leg, everything like that were not imperfections. They were symbols of survival. And without me, those "flaws" would be a lot more than little scars, and vice-versa. Our battle scars were earned with each other's help, and I couldn't help but think that automatically made him mine. He was my Peeta and I'll never let him go.

With a small sigh of fondness, I bent over and pressed my lips clumsily to his.

Peeta's blue eyes fluttered open. "Now, what was that for?" He murmured, mouth turning up into a small smile.

"'Cause you're all mine."

We both smiled at the memory. Mother had just given me to Peeta or something like that (mothers…) and he came back in the room grinning his face off, and pretty much the exact same thing happened.

With a finger, I brushed a piece of Peeta's hair from his forehead. "If you want anyone else, you're screwed. You know that, right?"

I was rewarded with a flash of white teeth as he laughed. "Good thing I don't want anyone else."

I smiled and brushed my thumb against his cheekbone. "Yeah…good thing…"

For a few minutes we sat there, feeling each others' heartbeats, when Peeta opened his eyes again.

"I have a really stupid question for you."

I raised my eyebrows slightly. "I'm sure it's not that stupid."

Peeta seemed slightly hesitant, but then he plunged in. "Why did you choose me? And don't give me any of that 'we've been through so much I had no choice' crap. Tell me why you stuck with me."

I blinked. He was right. It _was _a stupid question. He knew why I chose him, didn't he?

Peeta's voice softened somewhat when he said, "And please don't say anything about the Capitol or how they forced me to be with you. I'm asking why _you_," He put a finger to my collarbone. "chose _me_." He put the same finger to his own.

Well, jeez this guy was so specific I was rendered speechless for a minute. If I couldn't use 'just because' or the Capitol for an answer, what could I say? I'm sure Peeta wouldn't be content with "because I love you" either.

"You don't' have to answer right now, Katniss. It's okay. I was just curious." Peeta closed his eyes and a serene smile spread across his face, along with another look. I sure hope it wasn't _sarcasm_. "Being the legendary Girl on Fire, you have practically the whole of Panem at your feet. Not to mention that everyone thought you and Gale would be together."

I frowned. I knew exactly what Peeta was doing, and it wasn't nice.

Stupid Peeta kept rambling. "I can understand why he hated me so much. I mean—the Capitol forced you and me to be together, and he was shocked that you actually went along with it and stuck with me even after things wound down instead of going back to hi—"

"If you wanted me to say I loved you, you could've just asked." I snapped, all the adoration gone. "You didn't have to bring Gale into the conversation."

For a moment he was silent, registering the hurt in my voice. I took that moment to slide off the bed and, face turned away, let a tear squeeze out of my eye. There was a reason I never talked about Gale.

It hurt so badly, thinking of his beautiful, concentrating face, and knowing I would never see it again. I thought of how silently he stepped in the woods, always right next to me, watching my back. We worked together, and no one person could be responsible for keeping the other alive.

I needed him, and I missed him, and Peeta just had to point out how much Gale had loved me. If I had known he was going to be killed, there were so many things I would have said to him. And maybe, maybe if he was lucky, "I love you" would have been one. Because in a way, I did love him. And it took his death for me to see that. A lifetime too late…

"I didn't mean to hurt you, Katniss." Peeta whispered behind me, and I felt his hand brush against my shoulder.

I couldn't help but flinch away. He did hurt me, but holding grudges wasn't my specialty. I wanted to be angry at him for this pain I felt, raw and aching in my chest, but I just couldn't. After all, it wasn't his fault that Gale had been killed.

Peeta stood there behind me, waiting for me to say something, anything. One thing I appreciated about him in times like these was at certain times, he knew when to back off. He knew when it wasn't okay for him to put his arms around me and hold me. He let me be the one to come to him.

I appreciated the time to compose myself a little better. After taking a deep breath, I turned back around towards Peeta. He looked sad and apologetic.

"I'm sorry, Katniss. I really am." Peeta reached out a hand and very gently touched my cheek. "Forgive me."

"I can't hold grudges. You know that…" My voice broke several times, and I had to fight back tears.

It was then Peeta decided it was a good time to wrap his arms around me. I was grateful, though, to have—quite literally—a shoulder to cry on. The horrible throbbing in my chest was starting to subside. Maybe it was always going to be like this; me falling apart every other day, and Peeta being the one holding me together.

Peeta stroked my hair back away from my face, and kept pressing his lips to the top of my head until the sobs diminished. "You're okay, Katniss. I've got you…"

I took a very, very big breath until I could hold no more, then I let it out and wiped my eyes. "Ah, the joys of being an adolescent rebel girl doomed for a lifetime of torture."

"It's not over yet." Peeta smiled sadly and rubbed his hand on my back.

"Thank you, that makes me feel a lot better…"

"Any time."

**oOo**

_Kidnapping is a strong word. I prefer "surprise adoption"._


	4. Chapter 4

_Valentine's Day is coming up, you guys. Hope you have someone special for that day. I don't so if anyone wanted to send me flowers and chocolate, feel free. :D _

**oOo**

I came out of the bathroom at 6:50. To my surprise, Peeta was on the floor had a small canvas out in his lap and was staring at it. When he heard me come out, he frantically shoved it back into the bottom drawer of the wardrobe.

"What was that?" I asked curiously, sitting down with him on the ground.

"Just, uh… Nothing." Peeta smiled casually, and expertly changed the subject. "Dinner is in a few minutes. You want to go, right?"

It's going to take some getting used to, having to actually get up and go to the cafeteria for food. Blinking, I shook the cobwebs out of my head. "Yeah, I do."

Offering a charming smile and his hand, Peeta and I stood up, the whole mystery-painting ordeal forgotten.

As we walked the halls of District 13, for the first time in forever, we had no contact. It wasn't in awkwardness or upset. No, we stuck close by each other's side, walking along casually. But instead of linked hands, a mutual feeling of companionship coupled us. It felt good.

When we made it to the cafeteria, Peeta held the door open for me and we walked in. What we saw took us aback. At a table off to the left, had all our families laughing together. Mother, Primrose, Mr. Mellark, Hazelle, Rory, Vick, and little Posy. The Hawthorne family didn't look quite as unperturbed as the rest of them.

My mother had obviously said something funny. Primrose giggled like mad, Mr. Mellark was chuckling, and even Hazelle smiled a little bit.

Peeta and I exchanged flabbergasted looks. It was a known fact that his father was incredibly unsocial and quiet, but there he was chuckling along with everyone else. He didn't even have any family other than Peeta, yet he sat with the group, like any other. The only explanation I could think of was that he was waiting for his son to come to dinner.

Adjusting my face into one of casualness, I walked with Peeta over to the table and joined the troop. All eyes were trained onto us as we sat down.

Mother greeted us in the normal way. "How's everything?"

"Good." It was the usual answer.

Mr. Mellark nodded his head in our direction. "Peeta. Katniss." Another common greeting, but still curious for his type of personality.

Hazelle smiled at me, though sadness painted her face. "How have you been, Katniss? I haven't seen you in quite a while."

"It's been tough." I admitted. "But we've faired nicely."

"So, um…" She took an awkward breath, poked at her meat, and tried to make conversation. "Are you excited about going back home?"

My eyes flicked over to Peeta, who was now chatting with my family casually, so I turned back to Ms. Hawthorne. "Yeah. Yeah, I am, but there's something going on that I worry about."

Tired gray eyes blinked, eyebrows raising.

"The rumors going around." I tried to explain. "About the Capitol. They have me on edge, though I don't see why no one else is."

Hazelle cast her eyes around the room, otherwise occupied, but attempting to stay attentive. "It never hurts to be careful, I suppose, but they are rumors after all."

"I suppose." It was obvious Ms. Hawthorne's heart wasn't into the conversation, so I let it drop for her sake. It had only been a little over a month since her eldest son had died, after all. I wasn't the only one it had affected.

"So, Katniss," My mother laced her bony fingers under her chin and looked at me with warm, motherly eyes. "Are you enjoying not being stuffed in the hospital anymore? You get your own room, freedom… It must feel good."

Though she spoke me a little too casual to pass off as normal, I went with it. "It's been wonderful. Peeta and I have, uh…" I suddenly realized that sharing a room with Peeta might affect Mother. But the harm was already done. "We've thought that since we're leaving soon, it'll make things easier to share a room for now…" I rushed through my words, and ended up with a funny look from Peeta. Like, _why did you say it so fast? It was only the truth. _

"Oh." Mother nodded in an attempt to be blasé. The silence following was so completely awkward, it hurt. "That's…okay. Saves time for when we actually do have to pack up, I guess."

I smiled uneasily. "Yeah…"

We ate, occasionally swapping words between the nine of us. After our plates were wiped clean, there wasn't much to talk about. Hazelle and her three children left for their rooms, and after a polite farewell and smile to us, Mr. Mellark left as well.

There was a pause once Peeta's father left, which Mother interrupted. "Come on, Prim. I expect you to take a bath before bedtime." She stood up and put a slim arm around her youngest daughter.

"I'll see you two." Primrose smiled sweetly at Peeta and me, and then left.

"Shall we go?" Peeta wasted no time in wanting to get back to our room. He seems to have been effected as well, the unsocial-ness and agoraphobia.

Instead of wasting breath telling him "yeah, sure" and so on, I gave Peeta a kiss on the cheek and stood up. He looked happy.

This time, going back to our room, our fingers were laced, steps matched. When the door finally slammed shut after us, I breathed a sigh of relief. Going out in public was not my thing.

Peeta took in my relieved face, and put his arms around me. "It's hard for me, too. Trust me. We have some time alone before bedtime, now."

Grateful to have him, I just nodded and wound my arms around his neck, putting my head on his chest. I was getting used to this kind of relationship. Peeta's body was so familiar; I had no problem with contact. Before, I hadn't even hugged Gale until I was dragged off to the Games, and we had been friends for years.

But there was nothing wrong with being with Peeta now, feeling the smooth skin of his neck with my thumb, resting my head on his stomach when he laid down, running my hand through his disheveled blond hair. It didn't feel awkward or even unusual to do that anymore.

Part of me felt guilty I never became that open with Gale. After all, we were friends first and longer, but it was explainable. Opposites attract, right? Gale and I were too alike to ever have anything work out. But with Peeta, he was carefree and kind, I was stiff and wary. We push and pulled each others' existence, making it work. It was going to be Peeta even if I had a choice.

Thinking of my old friend made me upset, so I pulled away from Peeta and gave him a brief kiss. "I'm going to take a bath."

"Didn't you take a shower just before dinner?" He seemed confused.

"I haven't had a real bath in a month." I said as I pulled a lightweight nightdress from the wardrobe. "I'm taking one right now. Don't expect to see me for another five hours."

Peeta laughed, but before I disappeared into the bathroom, I heard him mutter, "Women…"

A few months before, my mother had given me a small box of bath supplies she had brought from the Victors' Village. I've never used it, mostly because baths didn't really mean too much to me. I got in, washed, got out. But since I hadn't had one in a month, I took out the box.

After starting the water, I poured half a bottle of baby oil and a handful of rose petals in the tub. But the water wouldn't be full for another few minutes, so I decided to go back out to the room.

When Peeta saw me step out of the bathroom, he frowned. "What happened to five hours?"

"The tub's filling."

"Ah." He grinned for a brief moment, but then wrinkled his nose. "You're making it smell girly in here."

"Well, my apologies." I said sarcastically. "Does that mean you don't want any oil or petals for _your_ bath?"

Peeta grinned again, but didn't say anything, because it sounded as though my tub was done.

For an hour I luxuriated in the warm water of my bath, watching the rose petals float around on the water, bumping into each other. I could hear Peeta humming casually to himself in the bedroom, doing who-knows-what. Probably painting.

Sliding further down in the water, I closed my eyes... This was so niiicce…. It made me feel all warm and fuzzy on the inside, like I wanted to go and hug everyone within a five-mile radius.

My braid was done up on top of my head so it wouldn't get wet, but for the occasion, I undid it and let it down. Raven-black strands of hair fanned out in the silky water around me.

I was so content and unperturbed; I didn't even hear the murmur of words exchanged in my room, or the door close behind someone as they left. So when I floated out of the bathroom in my nice nightdress smelling like roses and with a dazed smile on, I was mildly shocked to find Primrose sitting on my bed instead of Peeta. It took a few seconds for me to register it.

"Hey, Katniss." My little sister greeted me with a slightly melancholy smile, and stood up. "I never get to see you any more, yet alone spend any time with you."

I felt guilty, and put my arms comfortingly around her. "I'm sorry, Primrose. You know how busy it's been. With my…stuff happening and all."

"I know. I'm not accusing you." Prim drew away and pulled a hairbrush from her pocket. "I just thought that I could do your hair."

And just like old times, I sat on the end of the bed, letting Primrose brush my hair, talking to her like I did so many moons ago. She had a lot to say about the Capitol rumors.

"I don't think they're rumors." She explained while working on a tiny braid near the front of my part. "I just think everyone's in denial, and just aren't prepared or something. You were gone for the big trial, y'know."

I blinked in confusion. "What 'big trial'?"

"For your old prep team." Primrose held one end of the tiny braid, and got to work on another, exactly opposite that one on the other side of my head. "Everyone was brought to the massive courthouse in the Main Quarter to trial Octavia and Venia."

My body froze, and I strained my ears in preparation for the news. "What happened? Tell me everything, Primrose."

"Well…" Prim stuck the ends of the two braids next to one another and snapped a band around both ends, letting them fall into a V-shape at the back of my head. Once that was done, she crawled around to sit cross-legged in front of me. "In front of the whole of District 13, they told everyone what President Snows planning, and how they are up in Alaska with the troop of over 100."

"Wait, wait, wait." I contorted my face. "Octavia told me they only had four dozen."

"That's what she said at first, but when the guard threatened her with this…this weird metal thing, she cried, and Venia told them it was about 120."

I nodded my head, urging for her to keep going.

"They said that there was a war coming up, and even though their numbers are small, President Snow had something up his sleeve that was inescapable. But even when the guard threatened them that time, they wouldn't tell, saying that it would only make matters worse."

Primrose's eyebrows puckered, but she continued. "The judge thought that they were lying just to scare us all. But anyways, Octavia was pretty much unable to speak the rest of the time, so Venia took over. She said that in exchange for killing you and Peeta, President Snow offered them to be second in command or whatever. Second to himself."

I didn't care about that stuff, really. "Tell me more about the so called 'invasion'."

"There isn't much more _to _tell. Just that everyone should be expecting the Capitol soon, and they'd better get themselves prepared for hell on earth." Prim looked like that was absolutely absurd. "I believe that we're going to be attacked, but 120 people against a good thousand."

"Bombs aren't going to do any good against an underground, metal refuge." I agreed. "There must be something else, something _huge _they're planning, or else Venia and Octavia wouldn't have been so…frightened."

My little sister looked bothered by something.

"What?"

She looked up. "They said that President Snow by some means got a hold of District 13's blueprint. I think somehow that is included in their big plan."

Uh-oh. If they have the blueprint of a supposed 'secret haven', something bad is bound to happen. There is a reason why everyone thought District 13 was annihilated. All of the secret rooms or whatnot are no longer secret. There's no where safe anymore…

"Katniss?" Primrose was looking at me with a concerned look on. "Why are your eyes like that?"

I blinked, and found that the surfaces of my eyes were starch-dry. They had been so wide open from the news, I think I had forgotten to blink…

"I had better go." She said abruptly, glancing back at the door with her large blue eyes. Then back at me. "I'll see you tomorrow at breakfast, right Katniss?"

"Er... Right." I wrapped my arms around her for one last hug before she hopped off the bed and vanished back behind through the door, leaving it open behind her.

Funnily enough, not five seconds after she left, Peeta appeared in the doorway. Maybe Prim had known he was coming somehow…

Dropping the thought, I smiled up at Peeta. "Hi."

His eyes flicked up to my hair, and flicked back down, sparkling. "Your hair is lovely."

I hoped that wasn't sarcasm.

Peeta stretched out his back briefly and walked over to sit next to me. "Did you have a good bath?"

"It was fine. What about you? What were you doing while I was talking to Prim?"

"Mmm…." Peeta pressed his cheek to the top of my head and rolled his eyes up to the ceiling in false thought. "Baking."

Just out of sheer curiosity, I pressed my face into his shirt and inhaled. He smelled like frosting. I looked up at him. "You smell like frosting."

He laughed, eyes sparkling merrily "You smell like a girl."

I didn't reply, only inwardly thought of how many times this conversation has happened, in my head or for real. Rattling on about how each other smell. Mentally shrugging, I put my feet under the edge of the blankets and awkwardly wriggled under them (I was sitting on it, see).

Peeta, seeing me close my eyes wearily, laid down too and slipped his hand around mine. "Are you feeling okay?"

Opening my eyes again, I told him what Prim had. And if he already knew it, I was going to be embarrassed.

When I finished, Peeta seemed surprised. "…That is not good."

"No duh…" I muttered, but quickly changed the subject. "I just don't _feel _like going through all that again. The mental—not to mention emotional—exhaustion all that brought. It's put everyone in danger, too…" The happy feeling had gone away, replaced by worry and fear. "I've seen the people I love die too many times."

"Aw, Katniss." Peeta turned on his side and hugged me against him. "Those were just dreams. Everything will be alright in the end."

Sometimes I really wished Peeta wasn't such a cup-half-full kinda of guy. "Don't' you remember in the Quarter Quell?" He frowned. "When you—literally—ran face-first into the force field and Finnick had to save you?"

Peeta blinked, and then his eyebrows scrunched together in a deep frown. "Ah, yes. It wasn't very nice opening my eyes to that. I would have rather you—"

"Peeta." I was unamused, though secretly smiling inside. "That's not my point.

"Sorry."

"My point is that I won't be able to stand it if I had to watch you die again. And Finnick won't be there to save you." I put my arms around his waist and tightened my fists on the material of his shirt.

He said nothing, just rubbed my back comfortingly and lightly swept a strand of hair away from my temple. Even when it was tucked behind my ear, he kept trailing his fingers down to my jaw and back up.

I felt like crying, because he was my life. Well, no, saying that makes me sound weird and it isn't true. I love Mother and Primrose, but if I lost him, I would lose myself. He was my everything… And I won't put myself through the possibility of losing him.

I willed myself not to cry, not to lose it in front of Peeta. Being strong use to come so naturally, but now… A cold tear blurred my vision and dissolved onto his shirt. This was not the way I wanted things.

Peeta touched the tip of his finger to my cheek, though nothing was said. He then scooted halfway-upright, leaning slightly on the headboard of the bead, and pulled me onto his chest. I gratefully curled myself around him, and held one of his hands in both my own. I didn't cry any more, though.

With the beat of Peeta's heart under my fingertips, I nodded off, feeling the leftover tear dry on my face.

**oOo**

_Hehehe it was weird. I had so much trouble beginning the chapter; I was stuck on the first page for DAYS. And then once I got over that little two-paragraph block, I couldn't stop. It was so hard to end this chapter, that's why it's so long. Hope you guys didn't mind! Happy Tuesday to you all, and to all a good Wednesday._


	5. Chapter 5

_Thanks to everyone for the reviews! I didn't know it was possible to laugh that hard. __ You guys seriously made my week. I'm going to apologize for the wait on this chapter. _

_If you haven't already figured out, I got a new story out. Well…not story exactly, but it's a collection of poems, written by me of course. They're themed towards HG. Mostly in Peeta's POV, but one in Gale's, and if I'm not mistaken, I think there's one in Katniss', too…._

**oOo**

For the first time in a great while, I opened my eyes and found it to be morning. No nightmares, no waking up screaming, no nothing. I glanced over to my left, where Peeta's head was flopped onto his shoulder, and he was snoring lightly. I hoped he got some rest.

I cast my eyes over to the clock on our bedside stand, and saw that it was 6:27. Maybe I should wake up Peeta. Breakfast was in half an hour.

Gently taking his arm away from my waist, I tucked my feet under me for better support. Ugh. One thing I absolutely _hate _when I wear a nightdress to bed is how it gets all twisted up in the night.

I considered how to wake him. Blowing in his face would work… So would shoving him off the side of the bed… So would kissing him, but I've already used that… I laughed quietly to myself and just shook Peeta's shoulder.

"Come on, Peeta. Breakfast is in half an hour. Get up." I said loudly in his ear.

No response.

I sighed. Should I just let him sleep? Nah. He'd want me to wake him up. I gently gripped his shoulder and shook again. "Wake up, Peeta. Breakfast is going to start soon."

He grunted in his sleep and mumbled something, but went back to snoring quietly.

Is kissing him awake the only way? Seriously? Maybe he was just pretending so I _would _kiss him. Well, I guess that was one way. In my opinion, asking was easier.

Leaning over him, I put my face right up close to his. By close, I mean our lips were about two millimeters away. "Peeta, it's time to wake up." I could feel his breath tickling my nose. I sincerely hoped I didn't sneeze on him. "Wake up, Peeta. Now." I think the reason he wasn't opening his eyes was because he was enjoying this. He didn't want to wake up because I would stop. Which, to be frank, was a dumb reason.

You know what? If he didn't want to wake up, that wasn't my problem. He could stay asleep for all I cared.

I sank back down into the covers. One of his arms was draped across the pillows next to him from holding me last night, so there was already a nice little pre-made at his side for me to curl up in. My head rested on the side of his chest, and I was just getting accustom to his slow breathing when he stirred underneath me.

Peeta let out a tired breath. "You awake?" He asked wearily, voice slurred from sleep.

Well, thanks, Peeta, for waiting until I decided to go back to sleep to wake up. I really appreciate it. "Yeah, I'm awake."

He glanced down at me cuddled up next to him, and a smile flickered across his face.

"It's six thirty. We're going to breakfast, right?"

"Yeah." With a small groan, Peeta sat up, helping me up with him.

We swung our legs off the side of the bed and stood up. A bone somewhere in my back popped, and I let out a quiet yawn. Since I took one twice yesterday, I didn't feel like showering, so I just pulled a random set of clothing out of the closet and went into the bathroom to change.

When I closed the door behind me, I noticed that the slight aroma from last nights' bath still hung in the air. I inwardly apologized to Peeta for the "girly" smell as I stripped myself of the nightdress and pulled on fresh clothes. I uncaught my braid trapped under my shirt and redid it neatly, glad my hair wasn't in need of too much attention. When I got back into the room, Peeta had already dressed.

He shook out his blond hair and offered his hand to me. "C'mon"

As we left the room, I fell in step with Peeta and slipped my hand into his. I had to admit I felt guilty for being such an obstacle in his life. He deserves a chance away from me. Maybe I'll take Primrose to the library…

We walked in silence to the lunchroom, thoughts occupying our subconscience. The only noises around us were the quiet thuds of our feet slapping against the concrete floors. When Peeta and I reached the double-doors of the cafeteria, he opened them for me.

As usual, we spent a split-second glancing around to find my family. But once I found them, Peeta's hand brushed my shoulder.

"Let's find us a table alone, alright? I think I want to talk to you about something." His voice was casual, but the sinking feeling in my stomach was sudden and inevitable.

Was I in trouble? Did he change his mind about staying with me after all? Was I just too messed up for him?

All the way to a secluded table in the corner, I chewed on my cheek nervously. When we sat down, food before us, the sick feeling in my stomach had turned more into a dying elephant nesting in a good three-quarters of my body. The poor elephant…

I glanced up, and found myself looking straight into brilliant—not to mention amused—eyes.

"Please stop looking like I'm about to hit you with a 2x4, Katniss." The corners of his mouth twitched into a diffident smile. "What do you think I'm going to say?"

My eyebrows tilted half-mournfully-half-embarrassedly, obscuring my view of Peeta. "Maybe… You've gotten tired of me?" I mumbled, and then winced, waiting for his response.

I was taken aback when Peeta actually stood up and came to sit by me. His arm encircled my shoulders and he pulled me closer to him. "Why don't you trust me?" He said quietly, pressing his cheek to the top of my head. "I've told you, Katniss, I will never leave you. Don't ever think that I will."

The rush of relief I felt was nearly overpowering. In fact, I was so overwhelmed by it that I let out a laugh and clutched my forehead in a hand. Between thankful breaths, I managed to ask, "Well, what did you want to talk about if you aren't abandoning me?"

Peeta pulled his arm away, but kept hold of my hand, pressing it to his stomach. "Actually, it was something you brought up a while ago. About starting over."

I nodded, trying to go a step ahead of him, anticipating the rest of our conversation. No such luck. My memory of that day was hazy.

"Restarting as two normal people, living in two normal houses. And that brings me to what I wanted to talk about with you. Annulling our marriage."

Ooohh. I remembered now. An understanding smile stretched across me face, but it was quickly followed by a worried expression.

"What?" Peeta rubbed his thumb across the skin of my arm and frowned at me.

I swallowed and looked down at our entwined hands. "The Capitol warnings."

Though he was confused at first, the light in his eyes adjusted to his "I'm-beginning-to-understand" look.

"Peeta, there is a 70% chance they will attack before we get home, which is a frightening thought because that is in two weeks. Two weeks, when we won't be married. In that time, either one of us could be killed. When we were talking, our plan was to cancel our marriage until we're ready, and then re-marry. If I'm dead it's impossible to do that."

A sad sigh blew from Peeta's lungs, followed by a sympathetic squeeze of my hand. "I understand, Katniss. I honestly do, more than you think. But…look at it my way. Say there was a roomful of people doomed to die the next day, and you were the only person who knew. In that room were children, people in love, people who had long lives ahead of them if they weren't about to die. And you knew. What would you do?"

I certainly hoped he wasn't playing a game with me, because this little scenario seemed foolish to me. Slightly irritated, I replied. "I wouldn't tell them. Because sometimes hope is more welcome than…truth."

As I said it, Peeta's line of reasoning was setting in on me. MY mouth popped open slightly in a surprised expression.

"Exactly." He smiled forlornly. "Live in the now. Let's go along pretending that we don't know they're coming, because we don't. One difference that is between us and those helpless people in the room was that we have a chance."

"All the more reason to live in the now." I agreed dryly, without really wanting to. "Does that mean…?"

"And now that brings me to say, if it is okay with you, today would make a perfect opportunity to visit the judge."

I liked where this was going, but mostly because when this point was first brought up, there was uncertainty whether "annulling marriage" meant "breaking up". But Peeta had put it in a very positive way. He put it in the best way possible, which made me nod, slowly at first.

In a few seconds, I was nodding a lot. "Yeah. Yeah, okay. Let's visit the judge." My mind was so preoccupied with that, that I had forgotten the whole frigging reason we were sitting here in the lunchroom at 7:00 in the morning.

"Um, Katniss?" Peeta had to practically hold my shoulder down when I prepared myself to get up. "Breakfast first."

Feeling the faintest flush of my cheeks, I shrugged contritely. "Of course."

We sat, side-by-side, eating our flavorless breakfast in comforting silence. When our trays were cleaned, we stood up and paused for a second next to the table.

His blue eyes were fixed on something behind me, then he straightened up. "I'll go take the trays back, okay?" He scooped the trays up in his hands and disappeared.

Okay, that was a little weird. I turned around, too, to see what Peeta was looking at. Not what, who. My mother had stood up, and was walking towards me with a curious look on.

"Hello, Mother." I greeted her with a smile, inwardly curious of why she was curious.

"How is everything?" Mother raised her thin eyebrows at me, sparkly blue eyes still lit.

I shrugged. "Same."

She seemed to hesitate for a split-second, and glanced inconspicuously back to where Peeta had vanished. "Is… Is everything okay with you and Peeta? You didn't sit by us, which made Prim and I wonder."

I nodded my head, glad her reasons were simple enough for me to wrap my head around. "Everything is fine, Mother. He wanted to talk to me about something. I suppose he just wanted us to eat alone for once."

A smidgen of relief made her smile-wrinkles crease further. "That's good. I was just worried. Well…" She glanced behind her once more, towards the table where Primrose was still sitting. "I have work today, sadly enough. I was lucky to be able to have lunch the past few days. I probably won't be that fortunate for long."

"Good luck, Mother." I willingly put my arms around my mothers' fragile shoulders and gave her a loving hug. Over her shoulder, I could see Peeta walking back. "Tell Primrose I said hi and I love her, okay?"

"Sure thing." Mother patted my cheek fondly. "I love you, Katniss."

"I love you, too." It had been a while since those words were exchanged formally between us, and it triggered something inside me. Without really planning for it, I planted a kiss on her lined cheek.

With bits of sentiment making my eyes water, I watched her go back to Prim, and they walked out of the cafeteria doors.

Peeta, who had materialized next to me, took my hand. "You ready?"

When I turned my head to nod at him, his eyes immediately made me pause. The azure irises were staring into mine with a…look.

"Are you alright?" He asked, touching his fingertip to the corner of my eye. Thankfully, it wasn't wet.

No, I wasn't alright. I was scared to death. I couldn't die. I had so much to live for. That realization a minute ago hit me like a grenade. For me and Peeta, "I love you"s was exchanged generously, but we had only _really _loved each other for a year. My mother, my flesh and blood, who raised me and loved me no matter what. Had we really not told each other we loved each other that much? I felt awful. In a matter of weeks the Capitol will attack, and-and who knows if any of us will come back to say those three words again.

"I'm fine, Peeta." I gave him a brief peck on the cheek. "Let's go see the judge."

I remembered the day Peeta and I had gotten married. It was right after I broke the news to Gale that I thought I had his baby inside of me. If I had known everything that would happen, things would have been different. But the preliminary red tape was simple.

Annulling was far from simple. It took Peeta and me a good six hours of standing up, writing, sitting down, waiting for certain papers to be faxed and sent across District 13. All in all, at 1:45, Peeta and I stumbled out of the judges' office, muscles sore from sitting so long, glad to have it done.

Peeta joked. "Was all that time worth divorcing?"

"Don't call it that." Drunken with leftover impatience, I pinched his lips together as we walked, causing our path to veer slightly to our left. I nearly ran into the wall. "It makes us sound like heartless wretches. And of course it was worth it. One step closer to being semi-normal."

He laughed, and my fingers fell away from his mouth. "Alright. So what should we do now? Lunch is over."

"Too bad, 'cause I'm starving…"

An idea lit up Peeta's unblemished face. "Come on," He stopped and tugged me the opposite direction. "We're going to the kitchen."

**oOo**

_The sense of accomplishment is overwhelming. HAHAHA_


	6. Chapter 6

_Heya guys. :DD Hope your Valentine's Day was AMAZING! I normally hate chocolate, but just for grins I ate some. And now I feel like I'm going to vomit. Whoop-dee-do… I didn't have the nerve to up and ask my good guy friend if he'd be my Valentine, so I hope you people were more successful than me. :DD_

_To Brooke Ross, who doesn't seem to have an account so I couldn't reply: All I can say is: *wink*. Did you actually think I'd NOT do that? Hehehe of course they will. I have big plans for that, actually. But it'll be in quite a few chapters. Like… More than ten. That doesn't sound like a lot, but… :DD This chapter goes out to you. 3 3 3_

_Okay, so like two chapters ago I got a review saying that you were curious, since there has been a lot of talk about Katniss' surgery. Well, I have the memory of a 90-year-old man, so I wasn't sure if I replied to that. If I didn't, I will say this: It starts at about Chapter 79 of the first story, and goes on from there until 111. I'm pretty sure it's fine if you didn't read before that, because it explains itself pretty well._

_If anyone has any questions about the last story or anything, don't hesitate to ask. Like I said, I exult in my inner old man. His name is Greg._

**oOo**

I was curious. One minute I was walking out of the Judges' office, the next I was practically being dragged across the floor to the kitchens. Peeta's motives weren't clear, whether he was going to buy extra food, steal it, or make it himself, I didn't know. All I did, however, was that he seems to have forgotten I got out of the hospital not three days ago, and gallivanting across the whole of the Refuge Quarter wore me out faster than I could run.

By the time the kitchen doors were in sight, I had to stop him.

"Peeta," I panted, muscles in my legs quivering, blacks dots in front of my eyes. "Please. We need to stop for a minute. I'm going to pass out."

Peeta stopped in his tracks and let me lean on him. His light eyebrows were apologetic. "Sorry, Katniss. Are you okay?"

I'm peachy, thanks for asking. As if on cue, my legs buckled under me. A small wave of vertigo swept over once, and by the time it was done, Peeta had laid me on the ground.

"I'm so sorry, Katniss… I'm so dumb…" He murmured, putting a dry hand to my forehead. "We should go back to the room."

"No, no." I said quickly, inhaling sharply when I tried standing. "Let's go to the kitchen and do whatever we were going to do."

His wiry arms wrapped gently around me, one around my waist and the other in between my shoulder blades. When we both stood up together, I was leaning heavily against him. My shaky legs just did _not_ want to work.

"We should take a short pause before continuing on to the kitchen." Peeta concluded, refusing to remove his arms from around me. "You look pale."

"I'm fine!" I insisted, wanting him to stop looking at me as though I just smacked him across the face. "Honestly. Let's go."

Inwardly thankful I knew that the door in front of us was, indeed, the kitchen; I kept sturdy hold on his shoulder and led the way.

When we got the tall metal door, Peeta knocked thrice, causing a metallic noise to echo on the other side. We were greeted by a young man—maybe 30 years old at the most—whose face looked nearly pained from smiling all the time.

"Ah, young Peeta!" The man, whose accent was purely unique, shook Peeta's hand enthusiastically. "Long time, no see. You've been busy, I take it? And who's this?" Shining black eyes flickered over to me and held for a second. Then the man's thin black eyebrows shot into his hairline, accompanied by an even wider grin. "If it isn't our Girl on Fire herself. My, you've become quite the lady."

I blinked, unsure whether to pin the man's attitude as flirtatious or flamboyant. It was certainly weird.

"My name is Gerhard Krueger." Chef Krueger held out his hand and I uncertainly shook it. "Call me whatever you like."

When he didn't let go of my hand after a brief moment of shaking, I casually took my hand from his and mumbled, "Katniss."

"But of course." Chef Krueger then pulled his eyes away from me and addressed both Peeta and I. "What can I do for you two today?"

Thankfully, Peeta detected my awkwardness and stepped forward. "I was hoping to do a little baking. Maybe show Katniss how. We missed lunch."

"Of course!" The Chef stepped aside and let us into a small room.

This room was obviously not the kitchen itself; there were two sinks on one side, coat hooks on either side of the sinks, and on the other side was another assortment of coat hangers, but these were fully occupied by hanging hats, aprons, and plastic gloves. Directly in front of us was a set of double doors, presumably leading to the actually kitchen.

It was apparent Peeta knew just what to do, because he first led me to the coat racks, arm still around my shoulders. Unsure about anything, I just followed him and did what he did.

Peeta pulled two identical off-white aprons from the racks and, after tying his expertly at the neck and waist, helped me with mine. I was so confused, because there were so many little ties and such, but Peeta knew what to do. He brushed the hair away from my neck and tied two of the little cord thingies together, and then reached around my waist to tie the other two.

Finally, with a grin, he pulled down two different hats from the hook. One was a tall pleated one that looked absolutely ridiculous. The other was plastic, and just designed for keeping the hair out of your face. Peeta held them out to me. "Take your pick."

I looked at him like he was mad, but didn't say anything as I took the smaller hat and clumsily put it on.

"Good choice." Peeta did the same with another.

After washing our hands thoroughly in the sink, Peeta led me through the double doors into a massive room.

On one side, there were messy file cabinets, shelves of imperishable items, and a long colorless counter stretched the rest of the length. Above part of the counter was a large, glassless window with a scale and a notepad resting on its sill. Game must be dropped off there, I thought, and surveyed the rest of the room.

About a dozen-and-a-half people were scuffling around the room, stirring things, resetting loud timers, poking half-done bread with a funny look on. None of them I recognized.

It was apparent that the giant room was divided into different types of meal-preparing. The baking, things that need pots and stovetops, and—to my disgust—in the corner farthest from everything else was an area above a large basin, where stripped animals were hanging over. Pink flesh shone dully in the fluorescent lighting, but half of the meat had a gray tint to it. Ugh. I eat that stuff?

Peeta put a hand gently on my back and steered my towards the bakery section, the fridge of frozen dough to be specific.

"How hungry are you?" He asked, wiggling his fingers at the countless pastry ingredients. "We could whip up a batch of cookies in ten minutes. But if you're patient, I could teach you how to make bread."

I considered. Food right now versus baking lessons from the baker himself. "I want to learn to make bread." The decision was already made for me, apparently.

A memory flashed behind my eyes, and I was carried back to my room in the hospital. It was the day before my supposedly life-changing surgery, and Peeta, after drugging me, had set up a picnic for us. We had been talking about how the only way to get good food around here is to buy it illegally. Funny conversations we have…

_"Don't worry." Peeta smiled at me slightly and picked at his meat. "When we get back home, you'll hunt for us every day, and we'll eat rabbit stew for dinner, and fill ourselves with berries and goat cheese for breakfast." His eyes closed, absorbed in the thought. "And I'll teach you how to make bread, though you'll be terrible at it. And for lunch we will have your half-burnt bread that tastes like cardboard along with some goat cheese." His eyes peeked open. "The cheese will be better than the bread."_

Stifling a laugh, I glanced up at Peeta. "Let's hope it doesn't taste like cardboard."

Peeta's eyes twinkled with the memory. "Not if I help."

It was surprisingly easy to forget how hungry I was, when Peeta was behind me, hands on mine, teaching me how to knead bread dough. I was awful at it, of course, and he was constantly correcting me. It was an hour before the dough was kneaded enough to be put in the pan. Peeta made a point of saying—several times—that it only takes him fifteen minutes to knead. Of course, I ignored him and proceeded to stuff the lumpy mass into a clear pan.

When it was crammed inside, I glanced up at Peeta for praise.

He blinked once at the pan. "Very nice. Maybe it won't taste like cardboard after all."

Somewhere behind us, I could hear Chef Krueger scolding another baker. "_Stanton!"_ He was saying_. "You're supposed to bake the dough, not eat it, _Schwein_!"_

Ignoring the bickering chefs, I smirked and smacked Peeta lightly in the shoulder, then resumed a normal face. "So how long does bread normally take to bake?"

He took a second to contemplate. "It could take up to a day for the bread to rise. So I don't know. I don't often take bread back home the same day I bake it."

All that work for nothing? I sighed. "Well, what now? I'm still hungry."

To my surprise, Peeta's face split into a mischievous grin, and he glanced around. "This is when we steal some cookies."

I couldn't help but cringe slightly. My past experiences have taught me never to steal. Mostly because of what I had been told in the first Game about District 11. Of how when a little boy stole a pair of night goggles he got killed.

We didn't know how strict District 13 was of their thievery policies, and I was not keen to find out the hard way.

Face still contorted with the memory, I mumbled, "I can make it to dinner."

I did, and when it was 6:45, Peeta pointed it out.

"We should be going." He glanced up at the clock, then back down at me with a smile. "You still hungry?"

"_Starving_." To add emphasis, I put my hand on my stomach and groaned.

Hand in hand, we walked from Sector B to the cafeteria, where we sat with my family, as usual. Primrose was too busy fretting about her cat to notice we had sat down.

"…and the last time I saw him was _weeks_ ago. He could have starved from not eating, or gotten himself locked up in an empty room and had died trying to get out! The poor thing is probably somewh—"

"Primrose." Mother intervened in Prim's worried rant. "Eat your dinner. Buttercup is just fine."

Prim didn't argue with her mother, but while her mouth was stuffed with grainy bread, she muttered, "How do _you_ know?"

Peeta and I ate, our mouths too full to talk at all. The food was as dry as ever, but when it settled down in my stomach, I leaned back, content.

"Hey, Katniss?" Prim pushed away her tray and put her elbows on the table. "How come the only thing you and Peeta ever do is stay in your room?"

Mother looked like she was about to say something, but thought better of it, eyeing her youngest daughter with a look that clearly stated: _that was rude. _

Honestly, I wasn't quite sure, so I answered off the top of my head. "Because I'm still healing."

My little sister looked understanding. "Oh. 'Cause I thought—"

Suddenly, a loud blast echoed all across the lunchroom, making me jump. As if on instinct, Mothers' arm went around Prim, Peeta's around me. From somewhere on the ceiling, a loudspeaker crackled. I didn't even know District 13 _had _a loudspeaker.

I was pressed closer to Peeta's side when the voice of a middle-aged woman came, loud and static-y, blaring from the ceiling.

"Good afternoon, residents of District 13. I am President Coin, head of this District. We have just been put on a high alert, tipped off by Thyme Gades, the secret agent we had placed in charge of spying for District 13. For the time being, we know nothing other than that the Capitol has indeed planned an invasion on us. The alert has been set to red, and I urge everyone to stay on their guard until it has been set back down to green. It is wise at this point to abandon what you are doing at this point and get some rest. This may be the beginning of a war. All heads of departments and Officials, please report to my office for an emergency meeting. Have a good night"

And with a second pop of static, everything went silent. But that only lasted a few seconds.

At once, everyone in the refectory stood up and began talking loudly to the people around them. Some calling out names behind them as they walked out, others summoning their children to follow them.

Peeta immediately stood, hauling me up with him. Mother and Prim did the same, with worried looks in their eyes.

"We should be going." My mother walked around to the other side of the table and wrapped both me and Peeta into a quick hug. "Stay safe, you two. Love you."

"I love you, too." I didn't hesitate at all to reciprocate the words and hug Mother back.

Peeta, on the other hand, didn't know what to say. He just awkwardly put his arms around us, too, and stood there. Needless to say, he never had a mother to love him.

We parted soon after, Mother and Prim to go to their room, and Peeta and me to go to ours. His arm would not leave my waist, and I couldn't help but notice his eyes tended to flit around cautiously a lot more. After we made it to our room, Peeta made an extra effort to close and lock our door.

When the doorknob clicked satisfyingly, he surprised me by turning back around and wrapped his arms around me. Of course, I reacted as I always did and returned the fearful embrace. Peeta's breath was loud and uneven in my hair, and he pressed me closer.

"I can't lose you again." His voice was nothing but a scared whisper in my ear, like a child to his mother in a storm. It was piteous and low, something I had barely ever heard in his voice.

My hands crept up to cup the sides of Peeta's face and I drew him in for a gentle kiss. I guess my motives were to muffle the pain, to make him feel a little better, but when he drew away after only a brief second of contact, his dry blue eyes locked onto mine. There were no tears threatening to fall down either of his cheeks, nor wetness already on his face.

"Come on," I said quietly, and slipped my hand into his.

Walking backwards, I pulled him gently to bed and crawled under the covers. With a permanently tear-jerking face on, he followed and folded me into his arms. We laid back on the pillows together, my face buried in his neck.

It was during times like this when I wish the mood would be happier. I wished Peeta would break the depressing mood by cracking one of his "horny-men" jokes, or commenting on my smell. But, no.

He just pulled me onto his chest—literally; I was completely on top of him— and continuously swept his finger across a stray bit of hair that kept falling in my face. But one time, he didn't stop when the hair was brushed off. Peeta traced the line of my throat, and curved his hand back up to where the side of my face was pressed against his neck.

Everything was silent, and I waited as his fingertip outlined my jaw, and then trailed up to graze against my cheekbone. When his finger curled down and parted my lips gently, I waited for him to come to me.

The kiss was sweet and painful, lasting only about five seconds. Though I couldn't break away. Not yet.

It was as if Peeta's ache was passed through our chests the moment our lips met. The feeling settled, tepid and distressed in the pit of my heart. I didn't want to feel this. I didn't want _him_ to feel this. We tend to completely overreact when taking note of a warning. The same thing happened before my surgery. In fact, too many tears had been shed the days before my operation.

I pulled away from Peeta and put my hands on his chest, not wanting to meet his eyes. "Peeta, we-we can't do this. Not again. We're… being melodramatic. We don't even know what'll happen. This is…this is silly."

"Maybe you don't understand what I do." Peeta's voice was painted with hurt, forcing me to look up at him.

I probably didn't. Peeta certainly thought outside of the box when it comes to situations like these. Though, I didn't like the way his eyes were drilling into mine.

"Katniss, they _are_ coming. And they're after only one thing."

My mouth dried up. "And what would that be?" My voice came out only as a small whisper, though I had a pretty good idea what it was.

His eyes were sorrowful, almost as if he pitied me. "The Girl on Fire."

**oOo**

_Dun dun duuuunnn! I know you guys were like "no more fluff, we want action!" and all that stuff, but I couldn't resist, you know? I hadn't put in a good fluff scene since my last story, and to be honest the one is this chapter didn't even compare to the other ones. Seriously. But anyways, sorry if you didn't like it. In fact, if you don't like fluff, you might want to leave the story now—there'll be plenty more chapters to come, way worse than this one. Be warned. _

_Okay, so you know how people make tributes to Katniss and Peeta, and put them to songs and upload them to YouTube? Well, I did that and it's amazing (or so I think). Here is the link:_

_.com/watch?v=xSMWcEUIP8U_

_If you guys could watch that (It's only like 2 ½ minutes long) and comment or something, I would be so happy. In fact, you can do that instead of reviewing. If you want. But I thought I just might share it with you people. _


	7. Chapter 7

…_I just realized that hearts don't show up when I type them. *sigh*… Well, if any of you have seen random "3"s pasted around my A/N's, they were wanna-be hearts. That depresses me… _

_Have any of you people sat on the floor with your computer, staring—just staring—at a picture? Well, I was staring at one for a good solid fifteen minutes, and now I feel like going into detail of how it made me feel 'cause I'm just one of those people. But I'll spare you. Happy reading._

**oOo**

I was walking. Just walking. The air around me was a blissful chill, spreading bumps along my arms. I knew very little about my destination and what I was leaving. I knew behind me, there were things I to live for. Behind me, I had a life, a love, a home. In front of me, I had a job to do. There were definite consequences for either choice, but oh well. I had to do what I had to do.

My footsteps made no noise on the barren soil beneath me. In fact—there weren't any sounds at all. No birds, no crickets, no sounds of my quiet breathing. But since it was just a dream, that didn't faze me. I kept walking.

Though I did not know where I was headed, I was not surprised to see a strip of forest ahead of me. As I got nearer to it, little lights were visible, winking hello to me from afar. But the closer I got to it, the slower my walking got. It was as if my feet were trapped in molasses. I struggled with it, pulling and yanking, but the harder I fought, the more I was stuck.

I stood there, frozen in time, and a white flower bloomed in front of me, growing bigger and flashing colors. Heat splashed my face like water, and the flower grew into an explosion.

Brilliant ashen fire spread before me, annihilating everything in sight.

And I was getting burned. Pain licked my body, boiling and alive. I needed to get away, I had to. This torture made me wish I was dead; I tried screaming, my lungs wouldn't work. I tried running, my legs wouldn't work. I tried crying until I could cry no more, yet I was baked. So…dry…

I woke up.

Unlike most time I've had nightmares and have woken up from them I was screaming bloody murder. But when I slammed down into reality, all that was left over from my dream was a frantically-pounding heart and lungs that could not get enough air. I sat straight up in bed, clutching my chest, gasping for air. But none would come. It was as if pillow had been pressed to my face.

Coughing and choking, I struggled blindly, feeling around on the bed for Peeta. He has to save me, he _needs_ to save me.

Arms encircled my shoulders and I was pulled onto his chest. When Peeta had made contact with me, the pillow had been removed suddenly, sending a wave of painful air into my lungs, only to make me choke some more.

Hunched against Peeta's torso, I wheezed the scraping air in and out until breathing didn't hurt anymore. But I sure did. The feeling of fire was still prickling my skin, and I couldn't help but cry. Trembling sobs raked my body, and Peeta held me even closer.

One of his hands rubbed soothing circles on the small of my back, and the other was on my shoulder. He bent down close and pressed his lips to my temple. "You're okay. I've got you."

It was always the same words, but somehow, it was the same words that calmed me down.

The sobs slowly dwindled to a stop, and I was left shivering uncontrollably. It wasn't as if I was cold or anything. Just…shaky.

Peeta tucked the blanket up to my chin and made sure I was as close to him as possible, probably for warmth reasons. But it was nice, nonetheless, to have my head tucked under his chin, curled up with hands against his collarbone, breathing in the scent of Peeta as he holds me.

I'm not shivering anymore.

For a few moments we just laid there, pressed together under the blankets, until Peeta broke the silence. "It was different that time."

"Mph…" I groaned, and drew my head back from the soft material of his shirt. "Remember when I asked why you didn't wake me up when you had nightmares?"

He nodded slowly, a small, confused smile spreading on his mouth.

"I was frozen, feeling my skin bubbling under the white fire. I was suffocating…" A shiver ran the length of my body at the thought.

"Aw…" With a small noise of sympathy, Peeta squeezed me for a second, and then loosened his arms slightly. "You're okay now."

"I know." I leaned forward to press my lips against Peeta's jaw once, and swung my legs off the bed. Since I hadn't taken a shower or anything yesterday, one was a must-have today.

Once I had scrubbed clean, dried off, and dressed in a fresh pair of clothing, I met Peeta back in the room. He, too, was in new clothes.

"Even though we haven't been out in ages," he said as we walked hand-in-hand to the lunchroom. "I would like us to stay in our rooms except for eating, or at least until the warning level is lowered."

I nodded in agreement, though my mind was elsewhere. Every part of my body was on high alert, and it was near impossible for me to ignore the ever-growing feeling of despair in my gut. It was like a cold—you could feel it coming even before it hit, and the anticipation was worse than the actual virus itself.

Peeta kept me close the whole way, and when we got to the cafeteria he hesitated once more. "…Do you want to sit by your mother and Prim? Or should we take a table to ourselves again?"

If he had to ask me, I knew that he wanted a table alone, and he only asked to be chivalrous.

I squeezed his hand once, gently. "One by ourselves."

It was impossible to hide the look of gratitude on Peeta's face.

We sat next to each other, eating our meager breakfast with only one hand; the other two were laced together under the table. When our trays were scraped clean, Peeta and I stood up.

"I wish we could do something other than stay in our room." He looked slightly wistful. "I fee; awful depriving you."

My eyebrows puckered, and I was about to comment on how he didn't at all deprive me of anything, but the voices of people yelling echoed outside the doors. They were quiet at first, but then grew loud and panicked.

People around the room began noticing them, too, and a low murmur joined the shouting.

"Katniss, maybe we should—" Peeta's arm went protectively around my shoulder, but his words were cut off.

_SCREEOOOOOOO!_ A horrid screech of an alarm blasted through the room. When it didn't stop, Peeta immediately wrapped his arms around me, shielding me from who-knows-what.

My heart was thudding irregularly as Peeta and I tried to make our way through the crowd trying to leave. But something was blocking their way.

Suddenly, a massive horde of Officials poured into the cafeteria, creating a thunderous uproar. Feet trampled the floor, and I was pressed even tighter against the frantically pounding chest of Peeta's.

"Miss Mellark!" Someone shouted over the raised voices, and both Peeta and I turned.

Though somewhere deep inside of me, I was annoyed because as soon as I change my name back to Everdeen, people start calling me Mellark. But oh well.

"Miss Everdeen!" The person called again, and Peeta and I wriggled through the throng of squirming bodies, and found ourselves face-to-face with a burly black Official, accompanied by four other men.

The chocolate-skinned man held out something long and thin, wrapped in white cloth. "You must not go unarmed. This is an emergency; the Capitol soldiers are here as we speak, and—"

On cue, several gunshots broke through the crowd.

The Official had to yell to be heard. "We must escort you to safety!"

Peeta and I had no time to look to see what the covered item was, because our arms were gripped and we were being pushed back through the crowd. To my immense surprise, in the very heart of the mob, was a hole in the floor. _Literally_. A wide hole was gaping up at us, swallowed frightened refugees as they were escorted down into the darkness by Officials.

I was seeing more Officials than I've ever seen in my life.

The officers stepped onto the cement stairs and beckoned for Peeta and I to follow. After exchanging worried looks, Peeta's fingers curled around mine and we plunged into the darkness, leaving the shouts and gunshots of District 13 behind.

For a long while, we jogged the length of a tunnel, guided only by the dim light of the lantern held by the Official. In his left hand was a long rifle, poised to strike at any second. Our feet trampled the dusty cement floor, and only until the Official stopped we stopped, too.

Our lungs ached, and the distant bangs of gunshot ricocheting off walls could be heard from above. I shrank closer to Peeta. _It has begun. _It was frightening in a sort of adrenaline rush, exhilarating kind of way. This was it. This was the war. I was the target.

The Official had stopped to open yet another trap door in the side of the wall, and beckoned Peeta and I through. When we had entered the covert space, we turned back to the dark Official for instructions.

He seemed stressed out. "Miss Mellark, you are to stay put, no matter the cause. Refugees are going to be filtered into here for a while, and until further notice, only the Officials will be fighting. The report was of only maybe two dozen soldiers, which shouldn't be too hard to take down. But stay put, do you hear me?" His black eyebrows were smashed into a heavy V-shape. "This is crucial! It is you they're after."

I nodded hastily, frightful of his outburst. But he didn't say anything else, just quickly slammed the trapdoor back shut, engulfing me and Peeta in darkness.

Everything was still and silent for a few minutes until our eyes got accustom to the dark. And when they did, I could see the dull outline of Peeta drawing me into his chest.

The embrace was firm and apprehensive, and frightened heartbeats pounded through the quiet.

When we pulled away—arms still around each others' waists—it was apparent we weren't the only ones down here. Several dots of golden light were scattered among the giant room, illuminating the scared faces of women, children, and men clasping their families like they were grenade pins.

When my eyes flicked over to a couple of people hunched in the corner, a wave of painful relief slammed into my chest and I tore from Peeta's arms.

"Mother!" I yelled, a startling contrast against the almost-silent room, "Prim!"

Their heads turned my direction when I yelled, and allowed me to crumple into their arms. I swept Prim up and held her, shaking, to me. It was obvious they were on the verge of crying.

"Oh, Katniss…" Mother stroked my hair, sniffling tears back. "We didn't see you; we didn't know where you were… We thought they may have already gotten to you…"

I said nothing to this, in fear of bursting out into loud sobs myself.

Peeta hadn't turned up next to us, and it was probably because he thought I wanted to be alone with my family, but I wanted him. He was part of the family, too, right?

Just as a small tear fell onto her creased cheek, her eyes flickered upwards. "Peeta!" Her voice was cracked, but not surprised. What _did _surprise me, though, was when she pulled her arms away from me and Prim to embrace him as well. He looked shaken up, and was still holding the long mysterious package.

After accepting hugs from all of my family, he handed the parcel to me.

It was the last thing on my mind, really, but I might as well open it. Swallowing tears, I took it from Peeta and unwrapped the cloth. And laying on the floor was…I was blown away. Sleek and black, like none other I've seen, was a gorgeous recurve bow, complete with a quiver full of arrows. The bow was already strung and everything.

We all exchanged awed glances.

The quiver says something, Katniss." Primrose sniffed once, and pointed to thin white lettering on the worn leather. The words, next to each other but spaced apart: **fire, normal, explosive**. Those were probably the arrow types, though I'd never heard of an exploding arrow.

Well, that was all fine and dandy, but if no one had noticed, there was a war going on. And I was about to bawl my eyes out.

Noticing the direct change in mood from the awe of getting a bow, to the stress of the moment, my whole family wanted to hold me. But to be honest, I didn't want to seem like a baby. If I gave in and let any one of them hold me, I was sure to weep uncontrollably and never stop. That was the last thing I wanted. Holding back a sob, I flinched away from outstretched arms and curled up in a little ball a few feet away.

Actually… Was it so horrible that I only wanted Peeta right then? I loved my family and all, but I needed to have the reassurance of his arms. Of course, I couldn't have the distraction and numbness of what I _really _wanted right then. Everyone was watching.

Apparently that didn't matter to Peeta, because he just followed me into my corner of woe and pulled me onto his lap. At this point I would be telling all you guys "I told you so", because when I was pressed up against Peeta's torso, the waterworks began.

They weren't necessarily tears of fear, nor tears of sorrow. In fact, now that I think of it, I don't know what I was crying about at all. Maybe it was the fact that I knew I would be dying that night. Maybe, but I wouldn't know.

All I knew is that the war had started, and they hunted me. Dead or alive.

**oOo**

_WOOT! Okay, I know I said this a while back, but this time I'm actually sending my computer in the shop. Seriously. So I send my best wishes to all you people out there, and hope this story doesn't suck too bad. Don't do drugs. And, um, stay in school. And all that good stuff. Oh, and just to let you know, February 20__th__ is national Embrace Your Inner Old Man Day. I hope you'll celebrate it with me._


	8. Chapter 8

_Kay, I know I said the computer is going into the shop, but since this was such an important part of the story, I whipped up a few chapters before my mom could turn it in. :DD I don't let my mother read any of my poems or stories, yet I let complete strangers from around the world read them. She wants to know why. XD Anyone got any suggestions? _

**OOO**

Mother and Prim let me be. For an hour they don't interrupt my mental breakdown as I sobbed into Peeta's shirt. Either they were used to it, or understood why I choose him. It was sad, really.

But at 9:30, we had a rude awakening.

The trapdoor of the secret bunker opened loudly and three officials came in, guns cocked and ready. One of them—obviously the head, judging by his crew-cut and stern expression—stepped forwards and snapped a baton against his thigh, signaling our attention.

To catch you up on the refugee status, I might want to say that the amount of people in the bunker had quadrupled in size at the very least. I could see everyone I knew scattered around, yet none of them made any notion they saw me.

"Listen up, District 13!" The strict man yelled in his overly-loud voice. "My name is Sergeant Harvan, the Head Official and chief of this operation. Now, the flow of enemy soldiers has been staunched, but in order to win this, we need each and every volunteer we can get."

Murmurs floated around the room ghostlike, whispering consent to each other.

"The ill, the elderly, women with minors or pregnant, and everyone under the age of eighteen may not be subject to volunteer. You will be supplied with weapons, but a healthy homecoming—or in fact a homecoming at all—may not happen. You are taking these personal risks if and when you volunteer." Sergeant Harvan gazed over the crowd in satisfaction. "We have twenty minutes to gather and arm volunteers. Please, step forward at this time."

A vast wave of bodies stood, some to volunteer, others to pray for their loved ones not to.

I was just about to comment on something, when Peeta beside me began to stand.

"W-What? Peeta, what are you…?" At first it was just confusion, then my hand snatched his wrist in a viselike grip, and I stood up. "You're not going, Peeta. And that's final."

His pretty eyes grew shiny with concern. "I have to. This is to protect you." He turned around again, but _again,_ I stopped him.

"Peeta, you can't go!" My voice was a pained yell. "You have to stay!"

"This is for your own good, Katniss!" His voice had risen too, because the more I fought, the harder it was for him to let go. "I have to do this."

_No, no, I couldn't lose him…_ With a choked sob, I threw my arms around him and caught him in a poignant, tear-filled embrace. Hands tightened on my waist and Peeta buried his face in my hair. We were both crying.

But the moment only lasted a minute before he unwillingly pulled away. "I love you, Katniss." And when he turned away for the final time, I saw the single tear fall from his heartbroken blue eyes.

It was obvious my mother and Prim had seen it coming, because when I collapsed, my head didn't crack against the hard cement floor, but rather swing back as I was clumsily lowered to the ground. Primrose was crying quietly, too, and had pulled my head into her small lap. Mother was holding back tears as she held the both of us, and for once I didn't catch the stares of everyone around us.

The war waged on for another hour, in that time I had calmed down enough to be able to stand. My legs had utterly refused me the opportunity to be still; I needed to move. Prim and Mother watched with tired eyes as I paced, not bothering to wipe dried tears from my cheeks.

When I cast my eyes out over to the crowd—I wasn't the only one who had had a meltdown—one particular person caught my eyes. She was all alone, arms wrapped jadedly around the swollen bulge of her stomach. Unkempt brown hair hung loosely around her small face and I knew, just from looking, that she too had lost what I had.

Not bothering to turn back to Mother, I let my feet lead the way. And before I knew it, I was seated on the cold floor next to Annie Cresta.

She raised her sea-green eyes to look at me. "Hello, Katniss." She was quiet, but perfectly polite.

"I take it Finnick left, too, huh?" I didn't mean to be rude, or anything, but I had to know.

Annie looked away from me, no emotion betrayed on her pale face. "Yes. I told him not to go, but they never listen…"

"Don't I know it…" I grumbled, but kept silent after that.

It was quiet between us two, held down only by the unspoken connections of our men off to fight in the war. And it frightened me.

I knew that there would be a war. I knew that soon enough, they would come for me, but this is not how I pictured it. In my head, we wouldn't know it was coming. The ground would shake with littered bombs as they rained from the sky, and the Capitol people would swarm in by the hundreds. In my head there was a lot more blood and bombs, but this was so still it was eerie.

Pretty soon they would come here, though. The blueprint of District 13 was in the enemies' hands, and nothing lasts forever, even this false sense of security. I inwardly wondered how they came to get it… Probably Cinna.

Thinking of him and his betrayal made me boil with anger, and my mind cast back unwillingly to the day Finnick and I caught him.

_I glanced up at Finnick, who was looking angrier by the second. At any moment he would pop. "Do you have anything you would like to ask, Finnick?"_

_ He did pop. Finnick launched himself at Octavia and pinned her down on the floor. She screamed and began thrashing again. "Why did you do that to Annie?" He shouted, eyes gleaming with fury. _

_ "Do what? What did I do?" Octavia was screaming, too._

_ "Annie's first baby." Finnick was trembling. "You took her and used her for experiments. Don't deny it!" He spat when Octavia was about to speak. "I know you did."_

_ I gaped open-mouthed at Finnick. He had never told me Annie had a first child. And I especially didn't know the kid had been taken and used for experiments._

_ "I don't know what you're talking about! I didn't know any such thing happened!" Octavia cried, helpless and scared, under the pressure of Finnick's hands pinning her. "Please…"_

_ Finnick took several deep and shaky breaths and got off of her. His eyes looked watery and vulnerable. I didn't know whether to comfort him, or leave him alone. _

Only slightly concerned whether or not it was appropriate to ask, I tilted my head to side facing Annie. "Can I ask you a question?"

Her head turned slowly back to me. "What is it?" Annie's voice, like most of the time, was quiet and timid, but underneath the fear she felt for her husband, there was an obvious layer of independence that I admired.

I tried to avoid those piercing green eyes. "When-when Finnick and I captured the spies… He-He said something to them. He was really upset, and said something about your first kid." I looked up nervously at her, anticipating her response.

But she just gazed sadly out and the crowd before her. It was a long time before she actually spoke. "I was twenty-three when I found out. At first I was petrified, scared to death about being a mother. I didn't know how. And of course, when word got around to President Snow, he offered me lodging in the Capitol so just in case anything went wrong, there would be experience medical help as soon as I needed it."

She blinked sadly. "And in turn for free lodging and checkups, I was required to let him run tests. He told me they weren't very big tests, and they did nothing to harm me or the baby. But he had lied."

I could feel my breath being held, burning in my lungs, but I did not falter to let in oxygen or look away from the frightened young woman next to me.

"I had the baby, and as far as I was concerned, he was a beautiful baby boy with bronze curls and eyes like his fathers. But it was until I came home one after a night running errands—Snow had hired a nanny—he was gone. The truth settled in, and President Snow contacted me. He had said that by allowing him to run those tests on my baby, the technological advances were soaring. I asked him what he had done." There was a moment pause, when I had to take a ragged breath. Then Annie continued. "He had fused muttation DNA with the DNA of Forest..." She swallowed back tears.

I felt all the air being sucked immediately out of my lungs and white dots of fury scattered themselves behind my closed eyelids. There was nothing to say, to think. Just immense rage boiled up inside me. Yet, I kept silent, urging Annie to go on.

"He told me that no one else knew and that we would go on as if nothing happened. I was allowed to see him, sometimes, from behind tinted glass in the observatory room. He was always sleeping. Never cried. Never did anything." She stopped there, and after a pregnant pause, I had to say something.

My raspy voice came out in a whisper. "What happened to him?"

"I don't know." She admitted, looking forlornly down at the bulge in her stomach. "I left the Capitol and went on with my life. But ever since then I've been more…" Annie's eyes blinked in split-second confusion. "…sound. I have been having fewer breakdowns. Things have been better and worse at the same time."

Things were quiet between us as my mind processed this. It was horrible, how she went through the same thing as I did. But the difference was that her child was allowed to live. Unlike most always, I wasn't on the verge of tears. In fact, I wasn't sad at all. The only emotion that I felt was blistering wrath swelling up inside my heart.

These people, these _monsters _have stolen children, turned them into monsters themselves, murdered others in cold blood. Everything that had happened lately, _everything_ was their fault. They killed Gale, they altered me and Peeta so where we'll never be normal. All that they have done, all the hatred I feel for them was sitting in my chest.

I needed revenge. I needed my vengeance for everything they had done to me. And from there, a plan began forming. It was rough and no doubt far-fetched, but there was some part of me that felt better every time I imaging Snow's death in my head, over and over.

A cold hand brought me back down from my fantasies, curling around my own. When I looked up, startled, Annie's bottle green eyes met my own and she offered me a smile.

"We'll wait for Finnick and Peeta to come back." She looked back away from me, but our delicate hands linked together between us held us to the ground as we waited for our soldiers to come home.

**oOo**

_OOH! BURN! I bet you guys didn't see that coming. Well…maybe you did, but oh well. HAHAHA I win. GAH these next few chapters coming up are crucial. In no circumstance are you allowed to "skim". CRUCIAL! :D Kay, well… Please review 'cause I need to know how I'm doing. Love you all!_


	9. Chapter 9

_Again, this chapter was typed up in about four hours before Mom could turn the laptop in, so… This chapter is dedicated to one of my best friends in the whole wide world, Michelle, for staying up with me until 1:30 in the morning, and didn't understand just how dirty my mind was until then. Don't ask. I wanted to do more for this chapter, but that specific kind of "more" has to wait until later, sadly enough. Hehehe… I haven't laughed that hard in a long time…_

**OOo**

It was ten thirty at night, and the battle still raged on above us. It had been hours since the soldiers left, and I was concerned. There hadn't been any news; no one else had come since that last visit from Sergeant Harvan taking the volunteers.

Annie and I had sat together for a while, maybe two hours, until I decided I should go back to my family. She let me stand up and depart wordlessly.

Without so much as an apology or a 'hello' to my family, I sat down in between Prim and Mother. Their arms went around me and we were silent.

The feeling of despair that Peeta's going away left behind was almost gone. Though the undeniable worry I felt for him, I knew he'd take care of himself. For me, if not anyone else.

Another half-hour went by, and a sudden clamor of voices rose out from behind the trapdoor.

My heart thudded into my throat, and for a second I thought it was the Capitol people finally finding me. But, no.

The trapdoor slammed open violently and a horde of people poured in. Not fast, mind you, but fast enough.

People from all around the bunker stood up and raced towards the throng, and it was then I realized. They were the soldiers. Why they had come back, I didn't care. Before there was even time for all the soldiers to get inside, I stood up and ran over to them, my eyes scanning the crowd.

Heart pounding feverishly, I wove through the people, some limping, some hugging others, some leaning against the wall, bleeding. My eyes then flicked over to Annie, who was against the wall, too, supporting Finnick.

Finnick was completely drenched in scarlet, flowing from an open wound in his shoulder. Annie was busy dabbing it with a wet cloth, one hand on her husbands' cheek. It seemed as though he had been shot in the shoulder, and was looking quite pale and defeated, which was really weird for him. But I didn't have time to stand and gawk.

My footsteps grew more frantic as I zigzagged around people. I couldn't find him, he wasn't there. Choking back hysterics, I paused for a moment to breathe. This terror inside of me was raw and gripping. Just like when I was so young, waiting outside of the collapsed mine, waiting for the man who would never come. Somewhere deep inside, I knew he was alive, but at this point, seeing is believing. Until I was in his arms, Peeta hadn't made it. But when I stopped and glanced to my left, there he was.

Peeta was standing, just standing, off to the side near a wall. His chest was heaving, and his hands were on his knees, a gun lay on the floor nearby. Blond hair was matted to Peeta's forehead with sweat, and a large patch of dried red-brown blood colored the shoulder of his shirt. Other than the obvious overtiredness of his face, he looked fine.

With a cry, I began running towards him. "Peeta!"

He looked up, a split-second confused, but then his eyes lit up when he saw me running towards him.

I slammed into his chest at full speed, and threw my arms around him. If he hadn't already gotten injured fighting, I took care of it. Maybe even cracked a rib…

The force of our embrace picked me up into the air—actually, I think that was him—and being exhausted as he was, when he lifted me up into the air, Peeta leaned backwards onto the wall, an eighteen-year-old still clung onto his neck.

We slid down onto the floor together, and I was abruptly concerned. Our landing wasn't exactly soft, and he had just come back from twelve hours of non-stop war. Brows furrowing slightly, I mumbled an apology and began to get off him (I was on my knees, legs on either side of his), but Peeta's hand on my wrist stopped me. When I looked back at him, it was completely obvious he was fine. Enjoying himself, even.

His hand left my wrist and trailed up to my hair, where he swept a stray lock of hair behind my ear. One of his arms was behind him, supporting his torso as he sat up, but the other remained on my hair.

Tears that were threatening to fall down my face began, hot and released after the stress of not thinking Peeta had made it.

Feeling relieved sobs build in my chest, being able to see Peeta again, I put my arms out and supported my torso as well. My fingers just barely brushed his as I leaded forward.

I might want to add that everyone was looking at us—again. We were in a slightly indecent situation on the floor, right after the Capitol attacked, and since everyone in the Whole of Panem knew us, it made it even worse.

I didn't give a crap, and neither did Peeta.

His arms curled around my neck, and kissed me gently on the lips. Okay, 'gently' was an understatement. A major, major understatement. At this point people would be telling us to "get a room", but since there was no rooms to get, it was pointless.

But to my excruciating disappointment, it didn't last forever like planned. Eventually, we had to pull away for air. Stupid oxygen…

The leftover adrenaline from the kiss made me oddly giddy. "Maybe we shouldn't have…" I had to stifle a giggle. "Maybe it wasn't best to have done that in front of so many people, Peeta. They're watching us."

"Let them watch." His mouth brushed against the sensitive skin of my neck, sending shivers down my spine. "I'm not through."

For a few more minutes, he kissed my throat, my jaw, my lips. But finally, he drew away, satisfied. "I'm done now."

But I wasn't… I wanted to insist, but I didn't. Instead, I blushed and awkwardly got off of him. My legs were getting sore.

His arm wrapped around my side, and we just sat together, leaning up against the cold concrete wall. I wanted to ask him what went on up there, and why he came back. Maybe they had won the fight, and killed all the Capitol soldiers, but that was highly unlikely. Something about this whole ordeal made me extremely questioning. There had to be a catch somewhere in the grand scheme of things.

By now, everyone had situated themselves on the ground as well, tending to the wounded, crying over lost ones, and embracing the ones that had made it out without even a scratch.

From the far side of the room, I could see Mother and Prim sitting side-by-side, eyes visibly scanning the room for Peeta and I. Some part of me kept telling me to get up and go to them; it was rude to give all my time to Peeta alone.

But the other part told me that I won't see him again for a long while, and spend every minute I have with him. And that was the part of me I listened to. Letting out a small sigh, I stretched out on the cold floor, and put my head on Peeta's lap. Though he smelled of sweat and blood, I didn't wrinkle my nose or even flinch. It was the smell of war; I was used to it.

Peeta lightly placed the back of his hand to my cheek and kept it there. The warmth of his touch, and the hush of the crowd was more than enough to lull me into a false sense of security. Pretty soon, I had my eyes closed and a small smile was playing on my lips. It was as if the past two days hadn't happened. We weren't at war, we weren't wondering where all the bombs went. We weren't frightened for our lives. It was just him and me, floating off into space on a cloud of silver…

A harsh feedback rippled across the room suddenly, ruining whatever peacefulness I had bottled up inside of me. Accompanying the feedback, was a wave of static, then everything went silent. Even the whimpers of children had been muted for this occasion. Then a voice rang out across the bodies, the very one I had had nightmares about, the one I'd hoped to never hear again.

"Good evening, people of District Thirteen." A pause, waiting for the effect to set in. "This is your President Snow."

An almost-detectable gasp raised and lowered Peeta's chest, and I sat bolt upright. Arms wrapped around me and held me tight to Peeta's chest.

"I am sure this is all new to most of you out there, listening to me. You know that a few hours back, I sent some of my men in, and here you are, most alive. No bombs, no terrifying riots. 'What's the catch' you say. I applaud you. There is indeed a catch."

His sharp voice grew a tone of shrewdness. "I had planned this attack precisely, see. I would not use bombs or hovercrafts. I would set my men afoot, and only send in some of them. Many died, something they had put upon themselves the moment they choose to either act with me or against me. Whilst the wounded are being nursed, and reunions persist, the rest of my men have set up camp in the forest nearby."

Peeta, just barely hiding apprehension, glanced down at me with a scared look in his eyes, though nothing was said. I pressed closer to him.

"There is no hope in taking me, I'm afraid. Send all the soldiers you want over, rain bombs on us until you are run dry. It wouldn't do any good." A crackle of static hissed for a second, then the hearing was clear again. "Tomorrow morning, at the same time, we will come again. But this time, if you want me to spare your men and women, I request one thing: the Mockingjay must fight. She is to appear out there with the other soldiers and fight with them, not cower in an underground safe house with Mr. Mellark over there, enjoying yourselves."

My ears grew hot with rage and embarrassment. Peeta's did the same too, and we both whipped are heads around, trying to find the invisible intercom to glare at.

"If Miss Everdeen does not come out at nine o'clock tomorrow to fight, I will not spare a single one of you. I have the blueprints. I know where you are. I can easily have each and every one of you demolished. Right this second, in fact. With just a press of a button."

Everyone in the room flinched, thinking he would, but only silence answered.

President Snow laughed. "And if our Girl on Fire comes out, I will spare the rest of you. As soon as she is brought down, I will have my men surrender and we will go back to the way things were. Agreed?" Only the echo of his frosty voice answered back. "Excellent. I will see you bright and early tomorrow morning. Have a wonderful night, and may the odds be ever in your favor."

The loudspeaker clicked off, leaving the remnants of the Hunger Games slogan ringing through the air like electricity before a storm.

All eyes were on me. I was their savior, the Girl on Fire. I was their rebel, someone to follow. I was the beginning of this revolution, I had to end it.

Swallowing, I stood up. The eyes followed me, but I didn't not hold my head high and make some speech about freedom, and morale-boosting wisdom. I just pulled Peeta up with me, and went to sit by Mother and Prim. Onto their laps I fell, crying the tears of a Mockingjay. I fell asleep in the arms of my family, for what I knew would be the last time.


	10. Chapter 10

_Okay, everyone, this is it! The Grand Finale! I have been waiting for this! I think it's gonna blow you guys' minds. Hehehe…. This chapter is dedicated to my amazing friends: Rachel, Sophie, Michelle, Rosa, Ronja (I love Germans!), and to PureblueSkies and RipredtheGnawer, whom I seemed to forget your names. No offense, of course. _

_One more thing, though. I was going to put it in the ending A/N, but I didn't want to spoil the special feeling, so I'll say it now. I started a new fanfic, except I'm not publishing it on . Instead, I am posting the chapters on my blog. Don't ask why, kay? But here is the summary: _Ten days. That's what it takes to change my mind. 10 days to cry over the departed. 10 days to chance a new life. 10 days to fall in love with my best friend.** Katniss/Gale**

_The link to it is .. Wonderful name, I know. I'll let you guys know every time a new chapter is put up, so no worrying. Okay, now enjoy this chapter. Or else._

**OOO**

I awaken from a dreamless sleep. Judging by the shadows and silence, it was the darkest hours of night. Ever since President Snows' speech, I knew what I had to do. It wouldn't be easy, but if it means saving everyone that I loved, so be it.

The tiredness ebbed away as I sat there for a few minutes, gathering courage, stealing it from Peeta if I had to. He was always so strong, yet never in his wildest dreams…

Last night, I had fallen asleep with my family. One of Peeta's arms was around my waist, Primrose had her head on my shoulder, and Mother held my hand. It was quite difficult to worm my way out. Prim just mumbled something and flopped over onto Mother, who kept right one snoring. Peeta, however, stirred when I took his arm from around me.

"Katniss?" His voice was quiet and slurred, obviously because he was half-asleep. "What are you doing?"

I quickly made up a fib. "Bathroom." My voice was as quiet as his.

Peeta mumbled something else, and his eyes slid shut again.

I hated leaving him. I hated everything about this, having so much here for me but throwing it away just like that. But I needed to do this… Silent tears of decision welled up in my eyes and I bent over to kiss Peeta's lips tenderly. "I love you, Peeta."

"Mmhm…" He twitched slightly. "Love you…too…"

Before I left, though, I strapped my box and quiver across my back and just crouched in front of the sleeping figures of my family. In the morning they would wake up and I wouldn't be there. They would panic and cry, but stick together to hold one another up. Peeta would take care of Mother and Primrose, and they would love him like their own.

Stinging tears choked up my throat, and I had to get up and leave before I started bawling.

As usual, my feet were soundless as I tiptoed across the frigid cement floor, winding my way around the hushed bodies of refugees, curled around their loved ones, sleeping away last nights' troubles. When I reached the trapdoor, I opened it, thinking that there would be guards there to stop me. The guards were asleep, guns laying limp at their thighs, drool hanging off bristly mustaches. Gross.

I slinked my body through the trapdoor, careful to make sure the bow and quiver don't knock the frame. Once I was on the other side, I realized I had been holding my breath, and let it out. This whole ordeal was leaving me quite adrenaline-boosted and edgy.

As I walked—unsure of where I was going—my new bow and quiver bumped familiarly against my back, providing some comfort to this situation. I had to admit I was frightened. Who wouldn't be? This…plan I had formulated in my head was mad, yes. Utterly insane. In fact, it probably won't even work. But if I have to, I'm going to die trying.

I walked quietly through the dirty corridor for quite a while, and was greatly relieved when I spotted the trap door on the low ceiling ahead. Part of me thought that the Capitol people were still going to be there and it was just a scam, but when I crawled out onto the abandoned cafeteria floor, no people—or sounds, in that matter—were to be seen.

But to my disgust, when I walked out into the cold hallway, the sight was extremely unpleasant. No one had cleaned up after the battle before, and there were, _literally, _puddles of blood on the floor, and fans of scarlet swept the walls. The smell of copper and burnt keratin made me wrinkle my nose; it was all I could do NOT to throw up.

For a moment I stood there, getting my cool, trying to reach a little further into my mind, hoping for a more detailed plan to come forth. A question popped into my head: _What exactly are you looking for? _I knew the answer. I needed somewhere to get out. I needed…a door or something.

I nearly laughed out loud. I knew the answer. In fact, it was almost ironic. The very people I was hunting down had punched a hole in the ceiling a while back (long story) and it was that night I got stabbed. Yet when I got stabbed, I was outside.

Now with a fresh purpose, I turned the opposite direction and began a brisk walk towards the old astronomy lab. "Lab" wouldn't really be a good word, because all it was was a room with a glass ceiling. And once, a few months back, it had served a different use, but I try to forget about that.

When I rounded the hallway I knew to be the correct one, I had no trouble finding the right door. By then, my shoes were sticky with un-evaded blood, and the back of my neck was sweaty with anticipation. I gripped the doorknob and turned it, stepping inside.

The immediate blast of cool air hit me, and I had no choice but to breathe in gratefully. I hadn't had fresh air in at _least _a month. When I opened my eyes again, I actually blinked in surprise. The ceiling was completely gone. When I had chased Cinna, Octavia, and Venia out, they just created a giant hole in the top, but now there wasn't any glass left. The room was open to the heavens.

In one corner, a plastic bag lay tied up, but when I opened it and saw the bits of shattered wood, I was disappointed. I was hoping for something exciting. No matter. The problem was that I had no way to get up.

I paced the room, trying to think of ways, but I was impatient, so I tried the old 'run-and-jump' strategy. The breath was knocked out of me, but I managed to haul myself up onto the cool dirt.

The sky was gorgeous. Brilliant golden stars winked down at me from above, saying hello. I resisted the urge to cuss at the wind for the being so happy at a time like this, but I didn't. They were in the greatest place in the universe. In fact, I bet one of those brilliant stars up there was my lost best friend, coming to say a final farewell to me.

My eyes aught out the brightest star in the sky, and I thanked it. I told it I was sorry, and I loved it. I told it I would be with him soon. Though I was probably just talking to a planet or something.

Okay, now that I was out in the open (I wanted to dance around in joy and go hunting for bunnies to cook and eat raw, and dance around the fire using their bones as a necklace; I wanted to be Jungle Woman) there was an undeniable ounce of satisfaction, but I couldn't help but be a little confused. Now what?

My eyes squinted off towards the north; black. To the south; black. But when I peered to the east, I was rewarded. Off to the right was a bundle of lights, brighter than the stars, peeking at me curiously. They seemed unnatural, and I immediately knew that was where I was to be headed. But as soon as I began walking in that direction, a serious déjà-vu slammed into my chest.

_I was walking. Just walking. The air around me was a blissful chill, spreading bumps along my arms. I knew very little about my destination and what I was leaving. I knew behind me, there were things I to live for. Behind me, I had a life, a love, a home. In front of me, I had a job to do. There were definite consequences for either choice, but oh well. I had to do what I had to do._

_My footsteps made no noise on the barren soil beneath me. In fact—there weren't any sounds at all. No birds, no crickets, no sounds of my quiet breathing. But since it was just a dream, that didn't faze me. I kept walking._

It was a dream I had—a very short time ago, in fact. I had to pause for a few seconds, shaking off the déjà-vu. Part of me was really weirded out I had 'told the future' or whatever, but the other part knew all along. I shook my head and kept walking, inwardly hoping that my feet wouldn't freeze into the ground like it did in my dream.

As I approached the lights, I had to un-strap the bow from my back and ready it with a normal arrow. But when I was close enough to actually see the shadows of the trees, and the details of the hanging lanterns, it happened all too fast.

Gunshots exploded around me and I was in frenzy. People were suddenly visible, jumping out from behind the trees with guns. I hit every one of them, with only three things in my mind: A) there were only 25 in the fight yesterday, so there was about 90 left. B) I only have around 45 arrows, fifteen of them normal. And C) DIIIEEEE! Those were the things running through my head.

My heart was pumping adrenaline through my veins, and I ran, dodged, and yelled in fury as arrow after arrow hit their targets. Men dropped dead to the ground. Gun blasts rang through the air like thunder, and I felt a sting on my left shoulder. Blood splattered on my face, making me gag a bit. But I didn't have time for complaining.

I dropped to the ground and rolled out of the way as a squat man aimed his gun at me and fired. The soil behind me was sent flying upwards.

Sweat damped my hair, sticking it to my forehead, as I reached behind me and shot another arrow at the person. It erupted in flame, sending the man screaming to the ground. I didn't have time to watch him thrash.

The next arrow I pulled from my quiver behind me, I had to search around for, and I pulled it from the "normal" arrow slot. It was the last one.

I knocked the arrow on my string, pulled it back, and watched it go shooting straight through the chest of another soldier who had his gun aimed straight for me. He coughed a great amount of blood on the ground and keeled over.

For a moment I got to breath, looking around for more guys hiding behind trees. But as soon as I saw one and aimed, I heard a shout ring through the forest.

"Hold your fire!"

My hold on the bow wavered a bit, and I was shocked to see the man in front of me drop his gun and look behind him.

"Hold your fire." The voice repeated, somewhat quieter and more recognizable.

It was Snow, of course.

The soldiers retreated back into the dimly-lit woods, and I stood, shaking, the arrow tip quivering on the ledge of my bow. My eyes followed the tall figure of the President as he strode out of the woods casually, a gun hanging lightly at his side. Golden light from the lanterns illuminated his amused face.

"Ah, Katniss." His pale lips stretched over his face. "I honestly have to say I didn't expect to see you here this late."

"Bullcrap." I hissed, gripped the weapon in my hands. "You knew this was coming."

"Why so hostile? You know you can't win." President Snow shrugged indifferently. "I still have forty men behind me in the woods, waiting for my word to attack. And you only have one arrow left."

In sudden fright, I whipped my hand to my quiver, which was, indeed, empty. I had no idea what kind of arrow this was; I had pulled it out in a hurry.

But Snow didn't say anything for another five minutes, in which time I didn't let my guard down, but was able to get quick glances around him. Some twenty feet into the thin woods, I could see some big, metal square protruding from the ground. At its left, at least a dozen giant barrels of gunpowder sat stacked up, open and ready for immediate usage. But no one was around.

"Long time no see, I suppose, Miss Everdeen." Snow broke the silence, keeping his gun at his side in a non-threatening way. But I knew better. "Six months, if I'm correct."

My mouth remained zipped.

"I had to admit, when I received word that my spies had failed, I wasn't shocked." Snow walked over to the nearest tree and began picking at the bark. "They were only decoys."

I blinked, trying to understand, but inwardly formulating a plan to shoot Snow when his back was turned.

He obviously misconstrued my facial expression. "Yes, Miss Everdeen. Decoys. They were too clumsy and fickle to get what I wanted done, so I just sent them in to distract you. Everyone was so caught up in the idea of them being the spies; they didn't even spare a second glance at my real, trusted spy until _you, _Katniss, sent him to jail."

For a split-second, I was surprised into an upright position, gawking at the facts he laid on the table before me. I hadn't sent anyone to jail. Except for the 'decoys', of course. And Dr. Longarden… My mouth popped into a stunned expression, and I immediately looked at Snow for confirmation.

His lipless mouth stretched into an even bigger, evil grin. "Yes, it was your dear old doctor. He was quite convincing until I ordered him to tell you your daughter was a mutt."

"Why did you do that to her?" I demanded, screaming the words and jabbing the tip of my arrow in his direction. "She was just a baby!"

"She was." Snow agreed. "But if it makes you feel better, I didn't tell him to kill her. That was purely his idea."

A feeling like freight train slammed into my chest, making me stumble backwards. A cry flew out of my mouth, and I had to fight back tears. "Don't lie to me!" I shrieked, though had the sneaking feeling in my gut he wasn't.

"Honestly, Katniss. The only thing I did was to fuse muttation DNA in with your daughters'. She was not putting anyone in danger by living, other than being a half-mutt."

"The only thing." I spat, fuming mad at this _monster _in front of me. "You only killed an innocent child. You _murdered _her in cold blood. Don't tell me it wasn't your idea, because Dr. Longarden had no reason to kill Alexis. He would have only killed her if you had told him to, if he was your man at all."

"Jud Longarden acted of his own accord, I assure you. I wanted to keep the child. I wanted to have him tell you he did away with it, but send it to me for further experiments."

Listen to the monster, talk about my child as though she were a lab rat. I hated him so badly, but I needed answers. And I would die getting them.

"Instead, he thought he might do some experimenting for me and inject her with tracker jacker venom, but her young immune system could not handle it, so she died within the hour. It was not my doing." Snow reached up a hand to wipe his sleeve along the top of his gun, but didn't aim it at me. "I was hoping we could have done this in the daylight, at least. It's so dark now, I just might hit your somewhere besides your heart. And you would die a slow, painful death." His voice grew quieter, and whispered like a snake.

"Too bad!" I yelled, angrier than I had ever been in my life. Tears of pain and torture poured down my face, and I closed one eyes, centering the tip of the arrow with President Snows' chest. "Because I'm going to kill you right now!"

"No you aren't, Katniss." President Snow actually took a step closer to me, and raised his shoulders almost apologetically. "I have a gun. If you make a single move to shoot that bow of yours, I'll shoot you straight through the gut and watch you writhe around on the filthy ground, slowly bleeding to death. I want you to feel all the pain you deserve, Katniss, because—to be frank—no one likes a sore loser. If you put the weapon down, however, it'll be painless, I promise."

My throat choked up, and I was sickened by the choice. I had a good chance of actually hitting him, but I would be guaranteed a slow, painful death. But there had to be a quicker way. If I knew I couldn't hit him on time, there had to be a way to completely demolish everything within a good hundred-foot radius. And maybe—if I was lucky—it would kill me, too, so I wouldn't have to rot with a bullet lodge in my stomach. Then it came to me. So quick and sudden, the idea nearly burned like fire in my head. _The gunpowder._

I held my head high. "I'm not going to lose, Snow. You may be all-powerful with a gun in your hand and your expensive shoes, but unlike yourself, I have brains. While you were busy feeding off information from Dr. Longarden and Cinna, while you were busy pilfering our blueprints, I was spending every moment I had thinking of ways to get out. I was coming up with a plan to get rid of you _slime, _and get my family out safe. Your idea was smart enough, but you forgot one thing. One very important piece of your plan."

"What is that, little Mockingjay?" Snow held his gun up, pointed to my chest, and—for the first time in this battle—I felt fear.

"Living." I released the arrow.

Everything happened in slow motion. My eyes followed the perfect black arrow as it sailed through the air, feathers spinning gracefully in the wind. I watched as it nearly grazed Snows' shoulder, and begin flying towards the gunpowder. As soon as it missed Snow, though, he smiled and pulled the trigger. Then the strangest thing.

I didn't feel the bullet enter my body. All I felt was a rush of wind on my shirt and I saw the splatter of dark liquid on the ground. Feeling lightheaded, I tipped backwards slowly, as if stuck in syrup, but my eyes rolled back in my head just in time to see the explosion. White fire like a rose blossomed from the forest like a flower blooming on a fast-forwarded film. Red licked the edges of the trees, and spread out to me.

It felt like I was being picked up with a giant hand and tossed twenty feet into the air into a pit of rabid weasels. Flaming weasels. No pain was felt, though. Just wonder as I watched red tongues of heat engulf my body.

And just like that, the war was over, and I drifted off to sleep with visions of fire flowers in my head.

**oOo**

_I would really, really like it if everyone who read this chapter would review. Okay? Even if it's to tell me it sucked real badly. I hope that was enough kick-arse action for you out there ;)_


	11. Chapter 11

_Enough with the Harry Potter comments! XD The entire last chapter was based on a dream, and I know it's a lot like HP7, but really. It fit perfectly. Okay, so it's OBVIOUSLY not going to be in Katniss' POV any more, since she kind of exploded. So it's going to be in Peeta's point of view, I think for a bit, and maybe even switch to third person. I'm not sure._

**OOO**

** PEETA'S POV**

I opened my eyes in the morning and what I found made my heart stop. Had I just dreamt Katniss getting up in the night? No. She had. And she hadn't returned. My arms I had held her with last night were now empty. Primrose and Ms. Everdeen were still sleeping lightly, curled up together, oblivious to Katniss' absence. I wasn't so.

Immediately frightened, I stood up and ran to the trapdoor, only pausing to note Katniss' bow and quiver-full of arrows were gone too. The slapping of my feet against the cement woke some people, and I heard them muttering about being inconsiderate. If they only knew…

I raced over to the door and smashed it open, abruptly waking the guards on the other side.

"Where's Katniss?" I demanded loudly to them. "You let her go in the night, and she isn't back."

The fumbled around, apologizing and claiming they didn't let Katniss go anywhere. Quickly, they pressed a button on their fancy watch-things, and called more troops down to the underground bunker.

"Stay until they get here, Mr. Mellark." The Officials told me, and they dashed back inside.

I heard the clamor of waking people, and the shouts of the Officials as they got everyone up, demanding if any of them had seen Katniss or let her go. While the extra troops were arriving, I was pacing the corridor, self-loathing rising in the pit of my stomach. I was the one who let her go… I let myself give Katniss permission to exit when I was only half-awake. I hated myself… This was my entire fault.

But before I could hate myself any more thoroughly, there was a racket from above and a group of about fifty men were heading towards me, the one on front was Sergeant Harvan. He—and his men—stopped in front of me.

"What is the problem, Mr. Mellark? Why aren't the guards out here?" The sergeant demanded in his loud, barking voice.

I tried to keep calm. "Katniss vanished in the night, and her weapons are gone, too. The guards are in the bunker questioning people."

For a second the officer stood there absorbing the information, then he turned around to shout orders to his men. Two-thirds of the men were to assemble a fleet of hovercrafts, and the other third was to search the entire District 13 premises. Until all that was left, was the officer.

"You and I are going to ready the medical hovercraft and arm ourselves for going out." Sergeant Harvan waved for me to follow him stiffly, and I did as I was told.

We marched briskly down the halls, and turned a corner to go down a hallway I'd never been before. It had been roped off, but the sergeant easily stepped over it and I did the same. Now we were walking down a hallway much bigger than the normal ones, and much more modern. The ceiling was around twenty feet high, every surface lined with shiny metal. Every fifty feet or so, a door was sunken into the walls, made out of the same shiny metal, but they had all sorts of fancy bolts and security systems clung to it.

Finally, we stopped at a door, muck like the others, and Sergeant Harvan pulled out a funny square key from around his neck. He inserted it into one of the locks, and they sprang open with a grinding metallic crunch. We stepped inside and I was immediately blown away.

We were standing on a small platform about thirty feet off the actual ground. All around us, glistening hovercrafts were mounted to walls, accompanied by their own metal platforms. This room was massive and advanced, with machinery jammed into every inch of room. People all around were in white jumpsuits, fixing hovercrafts, testing their landing abilities, cleaning them. On the very bottom, an armada of at least forty hovercrafts was stationed at the very bottom.

I could see the troops Harvan had ordered down below, unhooking hovercrafts and boarding them. Personally, I could see why the Capitol was so afraid of District 13.

Suddenly, the platform we were on lurched, and I had to grab onto a guardrail as we were carried off to the side, towards a smaller fleet of much bigger hovercrafts. I assumed those were the fancy medical hovercrafts he had been talking about.

When the platform stopped, we got off and the sergeant led me to a second door, very close to the nearest medical-craft. He opened it with a hiss, and the sergeant motioned for me to wait outside. Five minutes after he told me to, he came back out with a number of straps slung over his shoulder. He went over and opened the hatch to the first medical-craft.

"If you could disengage the craft, and unscrew the caps from the headlights, Mr. Mellark." He called from inside the hovercraft.

I did as I was told.

Half an hour later, the fleet was ready to go. Specially trained doctors were stationed in the medical-craft, but I got to ride in the head of the fleet with Sergeant Harvan. When everything was set, he pulled down a small handset from the ceiling of the hovercraft.

"Open the top." He said into it and—in awe—I looked up to see the colossal ceiling above up split open to reveal the dawn sky.

I could have stood there all day gazing at the dim stars peeking through the pink haze.

"Off we go." Sergeant Harvan said again into the headset and all at once, the giant fleet of thirty hovercrafts lifted. And before I knew it, we were up into the air and zipping miles an hour across the sky.

This was like nothing I had ever seen before. The last time I had been outside, it was dark, and I didn't get to see much, but in the light of the morning, couldn't see enough. For about a mile around were we exited, there was dirt, but when the dirt stopped, grass waved hello. Mountains in the distance pointed up at the sky like children from a distance.

I whipped my head to the other side of the craft, and saw a faint strip of trees on the horizon.

Sergeant Harvan saw me looking. "That's where we're headed." He said to me over the noise of the air whooshing by. "In those trees, the Capitol people were camped out, but there is n—"

_"Sergeant Harvan" _A voice from the intercom above interrupted him mid-word. _"We are spotting footprints down here."_

I peered over the edge of the window, but could only see the little dots of hovercrafts that were meant to be skimming the ground.

The sergeant picked up his mike. "Thank you, Number Fourteen. Lead the way."

With the ground hovercrafts in the lead, we raced across the prairie. The whole time, I kept my eyes on the forest. But as we neared it, something didn't look right. A dark splotch seemed painted over part of the tree line, and slightly into the dirt in front.

"Are you…?" I leaned closer to the sergeant in confusion.

He nodded gravely. "I hope that isn't what I think it is, Mr. Mellark."

But it was.

In no less than five minutes, we were at the forest. A great burn mark like a scar slashed the trees, some of the wreckage on fire. But I was horrified to see bodies everywhere, staining the ground red with their insides. But most of the bodies were inside the forest.

The hovercraft I was in slowed, and was lowered to the ground. The sergeant waved for me to go ahead of him when the hatch opened. I jogged out onto the ground and my eyes flitted over the ground where all the dismantled bodies lay.

All the other 'crafts landed shortly after ours, and streams of Officials poured out. Only the medical hovercraft remained on.

"Mr. Mellark, you know what to keep an eye out for, right?" The sergeant looked at me expectantly with his unnerving colorless eyes. "Miss Everdeen or President Snow. If you find either one…" He pulled out of his pocket a watch that him and his crewmates all had on, too. "Press the button."

I snapped on the watch and departed from them.

The view nearly made me throw up. Bodies were strewn everywhere like candy wrappers in an abandoned street corner. The gaping shocked faces of soldiers staring blankly up at the sky. But it was not soldiers I was looking for.

I kept jogging, swerving around patches of burnt grass and fell trees. My eyes flicked from body to body, looking for a familiar olive face, or a splash of black hair. For half an hour I searched, relief getting bigger and bigger with every lifeless body that wasn't Katniss. But all that went away when I heard a long, sharp beep coming from my watch. I looked down at the miniscule screen and saw a red dot, and a green dot. Apparently, I was the green dot, so I just ran in the direction of the red. The further I ran, the closer the red blip and the green blip got to each other. When I was close enough to see the group of men, I all-out sprinted.

The seemed to be leaning over something… _No, no, no_ I swallowed hard and pushed through the crowd of soldiers. In the middle of the circle of men, there was a doctor bending over a body. Blood was matted to a spill of scorched black hair, red staining clothes fit to a small, lean body. And a pair of beautiful grey eyes stared into the sky, unblinking.

I collapsed onto the ground, the staring face of Katniss burned into the backs of my eyelids.

**OOO**

_Pardon the length, 'cause I couldn't end it anywhere except there. I hope you understand._


	12. Chapter 12

_Good news! Well, bad news first. I completely broke my laptop. Like SERIOUSLY broke. But I sent it to the shop and I have it back now. So hooray. Now to the business of thanking everyone for the reviews. They were…amazing, hilarious, sweet, friggin' pee-my-pants-with-laughter, etc. But the part I enjoyed most had to be in almost every single review. You were seriously flipping out about Katniss dying. It was amazing. I couldn't stop laughing (evilly, mind you) for an hour. I feel so mean… You'll find out soon enough, though. :DD Read, read, read!_

**oOo**

**Peeta's POV. Still.**

When I became conscious again, it was slowly and painfully. Nothing was physically wrong, but having the realization of Katniss' stupid decision crashed down on me so hard it was as if a bowling ball was dropped from fifty feet and landed on my heart, crushing it under the weight. Trying to keep my sanity, I peeled my heavy eyelids over my eyes and forced myself to stare up at the ceiling with dry eyes. I couldn't even cry. This was a bad sign.

I stiffly moved my head to the side and saw the two seats in the corner of my hospital room occupied. Ms. Everdeen and Primrose were seated in the chairs next to one another, arms wrapped around each others' thin bodies. Seeing the grief-stricken tears in their identical blue eyes, I felt the feeling in my heart sink to my bare feet. _No, no, no, no… _I swallowed loudly.

Apparently it _was_ loud, because Prim's head snapped upwards and she stared at me with a watery look. "Peeta!" She hiccupped and ran from her mothers' arms into mine. This time, I didn't hesitate at all bringing the small body closer to me, our mutual loss forming an unspoken bond.

Ms. Everdeen saw me awake and came over, too. And suddenly, I was enveloped in the arms of my family, them crying, me trying to register what was happening. Katniss just couldn't….she couldn't be gone. She just couldn't.

For a while we were like that, as if it were the most normal thing in the world, even though I wasn't related to either of them. I sat there, letting their tears wet my hair and clothes, wanting to produce some of my own. But none would come.

After a half-hour, they pulled away, hiccupping with red eyes and tears streaking their delicate faces. I didn't know what to say.

"Come on, Peeta." Ms. Everdeen stood up and offered me her hand. It was warm and comforting. "There's something you might need to see."

When I stood up, I was pleased to note I was somewhat stable, but still in a hospital gown. To my surprise, there was an astounding lack of nurses or doctors in sight. Even when I was righted just fine, Prim's mother kept hold of my hand gently, like a real mother would do. Prim just followed, sticking quite close to my side.

We made our way out the door and down an unfamiliar hospital hallway. I had never been here before, but it looked mildly familiar. My eyes flicked up to the sign hanging a ways in front of us on the ceiling; **"Critical Care Unit"**. Ms. Everdeen led us straight past that sign and through a set of double doors. Critical care was good, right? To be honest, I was expecting our visit to lead us to the morgue, but just having that thought in my head made me choke.

For only five more minutes we walked, feet growing more unsteady by the minute, until we finally stopped. There was a door in front of us, and a little piece of paper stuck in a slot next to the door said:

**Patient: Katniss Everdeen**

**Care Provider: Dr. Nadia Kraaling **

I swallowed hard and looked towards Ms. Everdeen for a sign that would allow me to go in. Ms. Everdeen reached over and knocked briskly on the door.

We were greeted by a professional-looking doctor with grey hair and chocolate-y brown eyes. She waved us inside. But it was near impossible not to pass out again when I saw the body laying flat on the hospital table behind the glass observation wall.

Katniss was stretched out on the plastic, and looked as if she was sleeping peacefully, but I was not fooled. She was dressed in almost nothing, exposing the horrible state she was in.

Blood seeped through a thick white bandage taped across her stomach, mostly in a certain two-square-inch area that I had no doubt was a gunshot wound.

Nearly all of her body was covered in shiny red burns, and on one part of her arm the skin was eaten away nearly to the bone with scorched brown skin. I nearly vomited.

A bandage was wrapped thickly around one of her hands, except I could help but see the finger—or lack thereof—bleeding through. But along with the bandage was a cast from the elbow down to her remaining fingers.

A row of stitches stretched over one side of her ribs, covered in black bruises that obviously told us that Katniss' ribs had been crushed.

Her right leg, from the knee down was off-white casting, discoloration visible under the edges of the cast.

But was disgusted me the most was a large patch of skin completely off on her torso. There were two doctors hovering over Katniss' body, attempting to graft a piece of synthetic membrane of the meaty patch. Stitches fingered nearly every part of her body, some long, some barely an inch short. The sight sped my heart up, and I had to lean heavily against the wall in order not to crumple to the ground.

Ms. Everdeen looked sympathetic. "She's been in here for a week."

A week? I couldn't help but feel puzzled. "I wasn't actually out that long, was I?"

It was their turn to look confused. "Peeta, you woke up several times and walked around. You don't…?"

I shook my head, but dropped the subject on purpose, my attention turning back to Katniss. "But she's…alive?"

This time, it was the nice lady nurse with us on the other side of glass' turn to step forward. "For now yes, Mr. Mellark."

My heart felt like it thudded to a stop. "For now?"

The nurse blinked sadly and opened the door. "We should talk about that."

As we walked out of the small room, Primrose started crying again and clung to me and her mother. We stopped outside and closed the door behind us.

"I'm afraid…" The nurse sighed and crossed her arms over the clipboard in her hands, a clear not-good sign I had come to learn. But then she sighed a second time and started over. "Miss Everdeen has been stabilized as well as possible, but I am afraid she is not going to last long. Her injuries are far too great and life-threatening to expect any different."

Primrose sobbed even louder and put her face in her hands. I wasn't sure what to do. I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs and cry and smash valuable things, and run far away from District 13, from everything. I wanted to shout to the nurse that she's lying, I wanted to run back into the room and hold my girl tightly to my chest, and to never, ever let go. I wanted her to live.

"I really am sorry." The nurse looked sorrowfully from me, to Ms. Everdeen, to Prim. "The doctors are doing everything they can, but there is only so much we can do. If the amount of blood loss doesn't kill her first, there are a number of other life-threatening injuries that needed to be tended to."

Ms. Everdeen, who had tears pouring down her face, swallowed hard. "Like what?" Her voice was nearly inaudible.

The nurse checked her clipboard. "She suffered a gunshot wound to her stomach, severe burns which cause synthetic skin needed to be grafted on and a finger was completely burnt off. She had a concussion, three ribs shattered, the entirety of one of her legs down from the knee being completely crushed, dislocated shoulder, her wrist was snapped, several vertebrae were splintered, there was an astounding loss of blood and…" She flicked to the last page of her clipboard and scanned the paper. "…she needed a total of ninety-four stitches on her body."

My mouth fell open and again, I nearly fell to the floor. That was too many injuries for…for her survival. There was no way…

I took my hand back from Ms. Everdeen and left the little group. On shaky legs, I walked back through the halls of the critical care unit, and back to my little room in the corner. I slid my legs under the covers and cried. I cried and cried until my lungs burned, then I cried some more. For an hour this went on, my wetting the pillow with heartbroken tears, until my sobs just turned into ragged breaths.

So this is how it was going to be. I was going to spend the rest of my life alone, always feeling the ach, the missing spot in my chest. I wouldn't even be Peeta anymore. It was impossible without my Girl on Fire.

**oOo**

_That chapter was unbelievably hard to write. I didn't know what to. I have in my mind what roughly is going to happen, but what in between? I can't just switch over to Katniss' POV when she wakes up. That would be too fast. And yes, I just gave away a major part of my story. Oh well._ _But yes, your homework: Give me ideas of what to put next. What do you want to hear? I need things to put in between the chapter when Katniss wakes up and this one. Anything. Let me know, okay? :DD Thanks!_


	13. Chapter 13

_The reviews have been coming in by the bucketload! So thank you SOOO much to everyone who has reviewed, and/or read this. I have been getting so much support and death threats, it isn't even FUNNY. But then it really, really was. :DD Happy reading!_

**oOo**

**Still Peeta's POV**

I remained unspeaking for days. District 13 was very active starting the moment Katniss was found. When the news of relocating District 12 residents back home was still on, I was in the first fleet of hovercrafts ready. With lips sealed and eyes dry, I made that half-hour ride over a patch of mountains, only thinking of how Katniss was meant to be making them with me. Instead, she was stuck in a glass room dying. But the thought of her only hurt worse, so I made a pact to block her out.

Even after I was situated back home in the newly renovated District 12, watching people pass me window. Children's laughs, the chatter of passing adults, the gasps of awe over our newly built hospital. They all formed a bubble of life around my house behind the bakery. Of course, the fourth house in the Victors' Village still belonged to me, but seeing it only brought a pang of heartache. So I settled with a small cottage behind the bakery.

Since my family was gone, I inherited the small cookery. There was only one in District 12, so I was in charge of all the bread. But I didn't want to own the bakery, or try to smile handing out loaves of fresh bread to smiling women and men proud to feed their families. I didn't want to be forced to live like I had. I wanted to run. But of course, I was too much of a softie town-boy to do that. I wasn't as competent as some when it comes to surviving in the wilderness. The thought of simply smelling the sweet scent of pine hurt. I was being so weak…

_Katniss and I were walking back to my room in District 13. Stress had been visibly building in the little creases of her eyebrows, and it was necessary to soothe some of the pressure off of Katniss' back. I had decided to show her my newest painting. _

_ When we rounded the bend and entered my room, I watched as her mouth fell open. It was apparent she didn't know about how funny she looked, because all she did was drift up to the canvas and touch it with her pointer finger in awe._

_ This time, the painting was in black, white, and shades of gray. Of course, it was of Katniss, but the contrast was breathtaking. She was standing in a field of white with her slim back turned towards the painter. There weren't many intricate details, just occasional shading with grays. I had been focusing on the simplicity of my feelings, not necessarily the colors I used to present it. Black-and-white seemed like the best choice._

_ Still watching her with slightly amused eyes, I sat down on the edge of my bed. "Do you like it?"_

_ She sighed a content sigh, still gazing at the picture."It's beautiful."_

_ "I was thinking about painting another one tomorrow."_

_ She was still looking pleasant when she turned around and seated herself next to me. Though I couldn't help but see the tiny bit of tension in the way her eyebrows slanted. "That will work out because the doctor said I have to have another checkup."_

_ I looked at her with a sympathetic frown. "Do you want me to come with you?"_

_ "No. It's just a… you know… checkup." She shook her head and, with an embarrassed grimace, waved her hand in the vague direction of her stomach. _

_ "Oh."_

_ We sat on his bed in silence for a while, just looking at my painting. It seemed as if it was done in a short amount of time, but it didn't look sloppy. The major contrast of the black against white made it look as though a professional had done it. I couldn't help but be proud._

_ But when I sensed eyes upon me, I glanced at Katniss, who was looking at me with a soft look in her wide, grey eyes._

_ "Why do you paint me a lot?" She asked me quietly._

_ "Because you live in my head a lot." I felt a warm, melting sensation in my chest as I looked fondly at the small girl seated next to me. My life. There was nothing to do but smile serenely. "You always have." _

From all the pain I've been through, I've shut myself out from the world. I closed my bakery, and don't answer the upset calls of people wanting bread. Pretty soon, another bakery had to be set up because of my unwillingness to cooperate.

Despite having home open for us, Haymitch stayed in District 13, for one reason or another. Every now and then I hear the shrill ring of my telephone announcing Haymitch has news, or just wanted to check in. I've never answered, of course. I've always been so afraid of what the news might be. Somehow, deep in my chest, I knew that if Katniss really hadn't made it, Haymitch would come himself, and probably Prim and Ms. Everdeen as well. But then again, I could be wrong.

In any case, I shut myself away. Away from the voices of my friends and new family. Away from the people at my door wanting the bakery to reopen. Away from any thoughts of Katniss.

It wasn't because I was mad at her, or anything. What I felt was natural human instinct. I was afraid. I was afraid to death of every possible outcome. Katniss could be dead. Katniss could be in a coma for the rest of her life. Katniss could wake up and never be able to see me again. Katniss could wake up and come to her senses and not want to be with me anymore. She could wake up and realize what a screwed-up world she lived in, and run away from it all.

I didn't know if any of my fears were worthy to be fretting over. I was probably just being childish worrying about all this. But nevertheless, I was worrying. I was worried whether or not my Mockingjay would ever come home to me, even if only to say goodbye.

**oOo**

_For the next few chapters, I'll just be revisiting sweet moments between Katniss and Peeta. I wouldn't be able to snap immediately to when Kat wakes up, so this is something to trigger the waterworks and makes you still love the pair even though they're apart. There'll be a few paragraphs before the memory, and stuff. I'm making it up as I go. Thanks to my new friend for the idea of revisiting sweet memories. Though if no one likes this idea, I'd apologize for the length and recapping and such. Have a good weekend!_


	14. Chapter 14

_I am angry. I tried writing an original story, got a good 60,000 words into it and then read the Maximum Ride series. Those books were nearly identical to my story, so I scratched it and started a new one. Then I read The Maze Runner. WHY DOES THIS FRIGGIN HAPPEN TO ME? The forces must not want me to write an original story, because every time I start one, I read a book that has nearly identical plots to my stuff. So my fanfiction is saving me. In the words of the Germans; _Ich liebe dich_. All of you. Honestly. Though I'm sure my German is a little off. _

**oOo**

Time went by, and before I knew it, snow had piled up around the newly reconstructed District 12. The laughter of children constantly rang through the crisp winter air as snowballs flew around. But I sat inside, doing nothing but watching their cherry faces split into smiles.

Actually, over time, I began eating again. There was no point killing myself when I had a whole life ahead of me, whether Katniss was sharing it with me or not. Gradually, I began working my way back into reality. Having the bakery open two days a week. Taking short trips to the vendors to have dinner. And, little by little, I grew slowly less miserable.

Though I knew I would never be fully happy, I was back. When people waved at me in town, I waved back. When I felt a snowball crumble against my back, I'd turn around and flick one back at the children who were staring at me, grinning. My bakery was back open six days a week and I had no trouble welcoming customers coming in with spare coins, looking for bread.

This should have made me suspicious. I should have known this period of contentment wouldn't last long. Like the calm before the storm, or the eye of a hurricane. Nothing like this ever lasted if you had been broken like I was.

It was a normal day, and I was walking the outskirts of town for no seeming reason. It was March, and the air around me was crisp and frigid, though I knew it was just the beginnings of spring. Back before, the fence would have been running along next to me, but ever since the defeat of the Capitol, the fence had been torn down and a new one built in its place. Not electric, of course, but about six feet high and wooden, only for the sake of keeping wild animals out.

Beyond the splintered material of the enclosure, tops of trees were visible. Snow still rested on the peaks like glistening white hats, swaying slightly in the wind. My eyes ran lazily over the protruding branches, and there was a perceptible longing feeling in my gut. I knew what it was, of course, but refused to acknowledge it, so I turned my eyes away and kept walking.

But the very second I tore my eyes away from a patch of snow, a bird sounded. High and sweet the four notes rang out, and for a second I stood still, a sickening feeling of recognition in my gut. Again, the bird called out those four melodic notes, and a rustle came from beside me.

My eyes automatically snapped towards the noise, where a gorgeous black-and-white bird had taken flight, straight over my head and beyond. A cry nearly rose from my throat, along with the slamming pain of remembering. Remembering Katniss.

Another stab of pain hit me, straight in the heart, and I was sprinting. Hot tears filled my eyes, blinding me. Yet with my eyesight, the feeling didn't go away. I was running, running to a place I had no idea where it was. I was running away from, yet towards my memories. Then I ran into my memories head-first, and nearly fell to the ground.

I fumbled my hand along the door, found the doorknob, and burst inside. I didn't know what I was doing here. The gleaming, polished shelf tops were now dusty, and the expensive furniture was now looking deflated for not being in use for nearly a year. I didn't know why I came… The Victors' Village was the last place I wanted to be.

But still, I didn't stop the wave of fresh tears as they overflowed out of my eyes and down my face. In a livid sort of frenzy, I stumbled up the stairs. In my old room, there were pictures. Pictures all over the walls, the drawers. Her face… Her face was everywhere, either grinning hello or scowling down at me.

Before I could stop myself, I had brought my fingernails down upon the first picture, ripping it into three pieces, sending it fluttering to the ground. Then the next. I was tearing picture after picture from the wall, having the satisfaction of listening to glass frames shatter upon impact, colliding on the floor, on opposite walls, on my bloody bare feet.

A scream forced its way out of my throat and scraped my lungs raw. I tasted the coppery blood on my tongue and the rivulets of dark crimson dribbling down my hands. Blood was everywhere. My blood.

I had done this. No longer were her faces glancing up at me or far away in the distance. Now I only caught little snippets of shredded paper, a peek of olive skin.

My Katniss was gone. She was gone. I had done this, this murder. There was the blood on my hands to prove it.

I dropped down onto my knees, grief and remorse greeting me on my way down. Again, tears filled my eyes and down my face, and I was coughing. The blood-tinged air raked in and out of my chest, and even more blood splattered onto the floor. What was happening to me? What was this feeling of darkness pressing down onto my heart, my mind?

Self-loathing came down in a sudden jerk, accompanying the sorrow and guilt_. I had done this._ I had let her go, I had felt her lips press against mine for the last time, not knowing what a real goodbye it had been. I had ignored all the pain that was building in my chest over time. I had allowed myself to nearly be happy. I had shredded what I had left of her… I had killed my Mockingjay. Shot straight from the sky. Now all that was left were shreds of feathers, sticking to the dusty floor with my own blood.

The coughing had stopped, but I had begun to tremble. Shivers ran the length of my body and back hitting tender nerves. Waves of ice-cold shook me, over and over, until I had no energy.

My entire body collapsed onto the floorboards. No tears, no sobs, no coughing, not even shivering affecting me. I was dead to the world, but only more so. The fact that I had murdered my mockingjay only made it worse.

My mind, though I did not want it to, flashed to a memory I had revisited a number of times. It wasn't necessarily the best, nor the happiest. In fact, Katniss was heartbroken. It was the day after Gale passed, and she had had a meltdown. It was horrible, watching her heart break into pieces in front of me.

"_Just out of curiosity, what happens now?"_

_ Katniss looked at me with a strange puzzled look on. "What?"_

_ "I don't know…" Feeling were welling up inside of me, I wasn't sure which one I should feel. "He just played a big part in your life, and you were so close to him. I hate to see you so devastated, but from a wound this big, do you think it will ever heal?"_

_ She blinked, making a little flicker of shadow dance across her cheekbones. "I don't know. As much as I am ashamed to admit it, as I sat there on the floor watching him die, I realized something. I did love him, but it took a tragedy for me to recognize that and so I don't know if I can ever go back." _

_ Maybe that was true, but did she really have to say it that way? All my life I had envied Gale for being such a big part of Katniss' life, thinking that she would eventually love him like he did her. But every "I love you" we had exchanged in the past year felt so real. Now, I just wondered if my feelings had been taken granted for. I'll always love Katniss, but with a wound to deal with this big, who knows if she could ever love me back as much as I had hoped? I looked away from her, so she wouldn't see me hurt._

_ "Peeta, you don't understand! You have no idea what we have been through together. I am not saying that I love him more than you and would have chosen him over you. I—"_

_ As she talked, I shook my head slightly to myself, hoping she wouldn't see._

_ She did. "I am not joking, Peeta!" I felt her fingers slide under my chin and force me to look at her. "How could I possibly live without you? You're acting as though I don't love you, but I do!" Her voice cracked. "I do."_

_ I finally met my own eyes with her shining silver ones, the very same pair I had fallen in love with. They were full of devotion and misunderstanding, but something else stirred deep inside those fathomless gray eyes of hers. Katniss was looking at me with pure love and need, so tender I couldn't help but sigh. With one hand I tucked a piece of black hair that had falling charmingly over one of her eyes. "…I love you, too."_

**oOo**

_**I just love returning to that memory. It was so sweet. But Peeta's meltdown before it nearly had me crying. It hurts me to have him so heartbroken. **_


	15. Chapter 15

_This is hard-core. I'm excited. HAHAHAHA. Anyways… This chapter will be excruciatingly short, and mildy confusing. The first bit is from when Katniss woke up, and then when it skips to 3__rd__ person, it's just the general idea of when Katniss comes back to D12 with her family, minus Peeta. An questions, as in a review. :D_

**oOo**

**Katniss' POV**

They say when you're in a coma you could hear the people you love around you crying, talking to your motionless body. They say that it's like walking upstream through a river of molasses, going towards the light. They say coma is like a very peaceful, sweet sleep, in which the only sense you have is hearing. No pain, no visions, no nothing.

They're wrong.

Being in a coma was like a nightmare, time ten. Fire was everywhere; in me, around me, burning my every being. And I was falling (while burning, of course). As I plummeted down to nowhere, visions, memories flashed past.

Primrose's face when Gale and I brought her goat home for her birthday.

Peeta's eyes when he stood strong next to me on the dais, on the day of the reaping.

Us on the roof in the greenhouse, talking about the forbidden

The moment I found him in the Games, bleeding, hidden under layers of mud and undeniable talent.

The first night Peeta and I spent together on the train, the feeling of precious serenity as I curled me head up on his chest.

Hearing the voice ring out over the bloodied arena, "_Ladies and gentleman, may I present the victors of the 74__th__ Hunger Games; Katniss Everdeen and Peeta Mellark!"_

At the end of his words there was a sound like a gunshot, except the loud explosion sound didn't stop. It grew louder and louder until there was just white noise. I was sent crashing back to the ground, and found myself in as much agony as I had been in in my dream. The fire…it was all around. Inescapable. From the moment I opened my eyes, I knew only two things. The first: the war was over. The second: I will die.

**3****rd**** Person**

Like sand, wind that blew across District 12 picked up scattered remains of memories throughout the town. Earlier in the winter, the breeze bit into rosy cheeks of people as they huddled against the snowflakes. But now, mid-June, it was the beginning of spring.

Peals of laughter like bells rang through the houses. Happily, birds joined the choir of spring. Women got busy scrubbing old coats against washboards, readying them for storage to await the next winter. Men buckled their belts through their trousers and pulled on their hats, readying for a day of work. Children grew older, became more helpful to their parent.

It was over the Everdeen house the mockingjay sat, contemplative over the sounds coming in the early hours of morning, wondering if it was worth rebounding the sounds upon the treetops.

Nearly every night it came, the screams of someone in pain winding out the upper-story window. Screams of torture, agony, yet obviously not of physical being. Every night, the same broken girl was awaken from nightmares. And every night, the mockingjay sat listening.

It wasn't necessarily a pretty sound, nor particularly interesting. But that voice was familiar to the creatures. Though birds like mockingjays had no astounding memory, the sound of her voice was familiar to all.

The mockingjay cocked its graceful head in innate wonder. This time the girl seemed to be saying something. A simple mixture of two syllables, simple, yet pleasing to the ears.

Tipping back its neck, the bird gurgled air from deep into its lungs and burst out in the noise. Again, it repeated the cry, and waited until it heard the noise be repeated among another of its fellow mockingjays. And again. Soon, a chorus of melodious cries filled the air and all at once, the black-and-white birds took off into the air. Down below, the girl had grown quiet, but the birds sang on.

"_Peeta, Peeta…"_

Across the dawn sky they flew, beating powerful wings against the spring air. Over the Appalachian Mountains they flew, crying songs between one another. Chasms and shadows hid in the deep impressions of hills, steep cliffs and valleys. Never stopping, never slowing. Going, going, like an uphill stream. Flowing nowhere, yet always flowing. Flowing, never slowing up and down the slopes of mountains. The birds sang.

Back at the Everdeen home, the girl was silent in her bed. She had heard the mockingjays. She had heard them croon the name she had so many times dreamt about, yearned for. But it had been months. He was not coming back.

Downstairs, the mother and younger girl of the house had been awake by the screams. In their nightdresses and sleepy faces, they held each other as they made the climb up stairs they made every night. This was usual for them.

When the two women made it up the flight and seated themselves around the black-haired girl, arms went around her. Though, like always, the girl said nothing to this gesture of kindness. Salty tears ran down her cheeks and words choked her throat. Never one was said, though. Never one…

**oOo**

_To make up for the shortness of the last few chapters, I am posting a super super long one at the same time as this one. Happy March!_


	16. Chapter 16

**Katniss' POV**

I was sitting, perched on the hill overlooking the little town of District 12. It was a beautiful place, really, but there was something about it today… Maybe it was the monotone gray color of the sky, or the lack of movement around the buildings. But I wasn't sure I cared what it was that made today so awful.

Cold spring wind pricked my skin all over, and I took a deep breath. Today was the day.

Ever since I was allowed to go out, it was never completely free like it use to. At first, someone had to go out with me and stay with me until I came back home. Gradually, it became so where it was just going out, then finding me in around an hour. Thankfully, over the weeks, that hour had stretched to a few more, though someone to pick me up was always expected. I wasn't to be trusted. I was mentally unstable, as always.

I knew what had to be done today, but I needed more time. Just a little while longer to say my goodbyes to this quaint town I grew up in. Over the years I had gown use to everything. The way the tall spruce trees wave hello and goodbye in the wind. How the dirt roads below wind slowly around the small houses, making sure every place of the earth was covered from here to there.

I had been to this hill, of course. It was the main place where I stayed when I was allowed to be outside. I would lean against the bark on the crowning tree and peer down at District 12. It was the perfect spot, really. Tiny grove of trees to rest under, bushes to hide in if necessary. It was so perfect, in fact, that I had worn a trail up to the top, caused by countless hikes up here.

My plan was simple; don't stay long enough where people would come looking for me, once I was done watching the city wake up, I would go north into what was once called the Appalachian Mountains. And if all went well, I wouldn't come back.

Though it was rotten of me, I wasn't sure I cared. There wasn't a single feeling in this void heart of mine. There hasn't been since I left District 13. Part of me wishes I had time to say a proper farewell to everyone. Talking in their sleep didn't count. I wanted so badly to be held again, but I had grown so apart from everything else, it felt better to be alone. Being alone was like medication. And it didn't help pining away, anyways. I knew _he_ wasn't coming back.

Maybe he had found some fancy bakery job. Maybe he decided I was too much of an out of control extremist for him. Or maybe he followed me to the woods. Maybe he wasn't so lucky when I blew up the gunpowder. Maybe I was lucky enough for him never to come back. It was better that way.

With a sigh, I decided it was time to go. Sulking around and making excuses never got anything done. I stood up, forcing my frail limbs to do as they were told. I should have known better to not eat; running was much easier with actual nutrition in your blood. But that was okay. I could walk.

My eyes fluttered towards the woods, in the direction I would run. If I pace myself, I could make a good six, seven miles in an hour. That should be enough, right? Enough for no one to find me.

I stumbled down the shallow slope of the hill, into the edge of the forest. I had to stop for just one last time, and breathe the scent of the town I would be leaving behind. Fresh rainwater, pine needles, willow sap, earthy, _alive_ creatures. Shaking my head violently, I wiped the emotion away from my body again. _Time to move, now, Katniss._ I started to take a step, but something beat me to it.

A foot crunched against a dried leaf behind me, signaling me to stop. _Darn it…_ I cursed silently to myself. I was being picked up earlier than usual today. Not bothering to turn around, I forced my dry throat to speak. "One more hour. Go away."

"I'm not going anywhere." A soft voice murmured behind me.

I froze. Despite not hearing it for nearly half a year, I knew it immediately. There was absolutely no mistaking the kind tone. Breathing getting heavier, I slowly turned around. There he was, looking exactly as he had those many months ago. Shaggy blond hair, hanging slightly in front of familiar azure eyes. Though his clothes hung a little loosely from not eating, it was as if he never left. In the waistband of his black trousers was a small knife, not threatening but protecting.

He looked as though he was in a trance. His eyes flicked all around my face, absorbing every inch of my petrified expression. But it was when he reached a hand out when I turned on my heel and bolted into the forest.

_Thank you, brain. Hallucinations are exactly what I needed right now… _My feet pounded against the uneven forest floor. The crunches in my ears became white noise, and the woods around me became just a blue of colors. Seeing as how I had eaten very little in the past month, I was running off of pure adrenaline. Running, running, never stopping.

Tears refused to come as I ran. That was okay, though because it wasn't sadness or upset I was feeling. Just this extreme hollowness in the pit of my stomach. I worked so hard trying to get _him_ out of my mind; he had been the only thought stopping me from ending this earlier.

But maybe it was a gift to me, for saving Panem. One last goodbye to what I had before, what I loved. That thought just made me even more despondent. Would I be able to do it? Would I be able to stand on the edge of the precipice, facing death? Would I be able to open my arms and fly for the first, and last, time?

All I needed was to get far enough into the mountains. Once I was a good few miles away from District 12, I could do it.

For an hour I tore through the trees, unaware of anything around me. Finally, I stumbled out of a grove of small pines, sweating and out of breath. Now that I wasn't running like crazy, I had time to breath. But before I could do any of that, I set out a small net snare in the opening of the grove just in case. If anything was to step on it, they would get caught in a web of rope. It was easy enough to get out of, but at least it gave me some time.

Taking deep breaths, I looked out behind me. _Perfect._ The view was gorgeous. On the left side of the cliff was a steep incline, but the other side was a sheer drop. The grey sky tinged the snow-covered mountains with silver, reflecting the sun that managed to shine through the murky sky.

I stepped up to the ledge, and didn't even bother to look behind me when someone cried out sharp and I heard the scrape of branches against each other. There wasn't any point in looking.

"What are you doing, Katniss?" The frightened, upset voice I knew only too well echoed into the canyon. "What the heck are you—?" His breath suddenly whooshed out of his lungs when I took a step closer to the cliff.

I snuck a glance back at him. He was just sitting in my makeshift net, fingers curled around the rope. His face was horrified. "Katniss, you-you aren't going to…?"

I looked back away and began to unzip my jacket. Spikes of freezing cold shot through my skin, sending even more adrenaline through my system. I felt…_alive._ Taking yet another deep breath, I reached behind me and undid my long black braid and let my hair spill over my shoulders.

"Katniss!" His voice was suddenly loud and severe. "Katniss Everdeen, step away from that ledge this instance!"

I resisted the urge to scoff. He sounded like my mother. I took another step.

"Katniss! I mean it! Get the hell away from that cliff _right now!_" He yelled, eyebrows slanted into a harsh line. His pointer finger was aimed at me through the mesh.

I didn't look back at him as I took off my shoes and buried my toes deep in the cold soil. The wind was whipping hair around my face, but that was okay. "No, I don't think I will…"

"I'm serious, Katniss."

"So am I." I murmured, squinting over the edge. It was beautiful, really.

"Katniss, get away from that ledge! Now! You have things to live for, Katniss! Don't do this!" His voice was still stern, but a hint of pleading colored his tone. When I didn't answer, he kept going. "You have me. Don't do this."

"Peeta left me." My throat choked up. "Peeta left me a long time ago. He isn't coming back for me. There is no reason to keep living when I've lost the will. Don't worry;" I turned back to look at the horror-struck face. "It'll be painless, I'm sure."

I spread out my arms as wide as possible and stepped the last step closer to the wide open air. My toes curled around the edge of the cliff, making me a little dizzy, but that didn't matter. It'll be over soon anyways.

The muscles in my legs bunched up, and I tilted forwards, feeling the slight air current flow under me. I coiled up to jump when the cry split the area. My head snapped backwards to stare into the tear-streaked face of mirrored torment, his hand reaching out to me through the netting.

Something slammed hard into my chest, forcing tears from my eyes and making me stumble a few steps backwards. Pain like fire blazed in my chest, my throat. Now the fearful cry of the tangled boy was mixed with my own. _Make it stop; please just make it stop…_

This couldn't be real…. I squeezed my eyes shut and in slow motion, I crumpled onto the ground and put my head in my hands. I couldn't do it…couldn't do it…. There was no energy left. No nothing… There was no need to throw myself off a cliff. I was already dead.

Somewhere deep in my head, it registered a frantic sawing noise behind me. Something dropped to the leaves and I heard feet pounding against the ground. I didn't really care. Everything in my body hurt; my heart especially. I couldn't live like this; I couldn't open my eyes every day to the same pain, only knowing tomorrow would be the same.

_He_ fell down at my side and pulled my body to his, and we were both crying. Yet, for two different reasons. I was weeping because I couldn't live anymore, yet I couldn't bring myself to die. The young man next to me was crying for the exact opposite reason. He needed me alive, he couldn't bear the thought of me killing myself, which I had come so close to.

His hands roughly stroked my loose hair, tangling it, but holding me closer to him at the same time. The words he spoke were cracked with sobs. "I'm sorry, Katniss. I would never leave you. I'm sorry, I'm sorry… I'm here now. I promise I won't go away again. You're okay…"

He kept talking, but most of the words didn't even register in my head. The mere fact that _he_ was here ruined everything. Now I was even more crushed than I had been.

For a long while we sat at the edge of the cliff, familiar arms around me, crying until we could cry no more. Yet, when I had sat there, tears streaming from my closed eyes, it was just draining me more. Not the energy, but everything. I was left a shell, torn and ragged, only to be discarded like a candy wrapped. But some things were meant to be left broken. _He_ sure didn't mind.

The sun had set, and now the only light available was from the pink horizon and the just-rising moon. _He_ understood my exhaustion, and without saying anything at all, he slid his arms under me, and picked me up. I was dead in his hands, all limp and motionless. Did he have to come back for me? Did he have to keep loving me even though I was broken beyond repair? If I was him, I would have been like, "No can do, buck-o." But _he_'s too much of a fighter for his own good. And I hated him for it. All I wanted to do was to die.

About thirty minutes into our little stroll, the sky began to rumble, and a shower of frigid rain poured down onto us. And, being the gentleman, he took off his jacket and draped it over me. If I was able to talk at all, I'd tell him to just let me freeze to death. To take the jacket and put it back on himself.

Time passed like molasses, but before we both knew it, we were stomping through the edge of the forest, entering the Victors' Village. I wanted to crawl back to my mopey cliff and stay there for a few…I don't know…years, maybe.

"Katniss, I'm bringing you to your mothers' house, okay?" A quiet voice whispered into my ear, but loud enough to be heard over the rain.

The sound of his voice made my heart thud painfully, and I just squeezed my eyes shut tighter.

We were both completely soaked to the bone and had no doubt hypothermia, but somehow, I couldn't feel the cold. My whole body had just gone numb. The only thing I was really aware of was the well-known arms of my nightmares underneath me, which didn't help my sanity or depression much.

For a second I was jolted as we walked up the steps, and then a warm golden flooded the back of my eyelids. A gasp, then my body was passed between arms.

"Peeta! I— Is Katniss okay? Why is she...?"

I dipped in and out of consciousness, only to be brought back into reality when I felt a warm cloth be pressed against my forehead. Against all will, my eyes opened and I was staring into the concerned faces of my mother and Prim. Weirdly enough, only my mother and little sister was in sight. I don't know whether to be horribly sad or happy he was out of my hair.

"How are you feeling, sweetie?" Mother dabbed the cloth around on my face. "I don't know what happened."

It was obvious that was a passive-aggressive way of asking me what had happened, but for the sake of me and everyone around me, I kept my mouth shut and just stared blankly passed my family onto the opposite wall.

"I'll go make you some tea." Mother straightened up and turned to Primrose. "Prim, get Katniss some blankets. She's freezing."

My little sister nodded and disappeared.

Finally, I was left alone. There were no tears—or energy—left in me to cry. All I was able to do was register the horrid empty feeling in my stomach. It was worse than the time I got stabbed, or even when I practically got blew up twice in one year. It was real and alive, coursing through my veins. I wanted to plead, to scream, to die, but I couldn't do that now. All of my plans were just totally screwed up since a certain someone just _had_ to show his face the second I decided to kill myself.

A quiet moan escaped my lips as Prim rushed to my side once again to wrap a thick fleece blanket around my shoulders. Puckering her delicate, pale face, Primrose curled up at my side and put her head on my shoulder. "Mother wants to know what happened. She's going to ask when she comes back in."

I wanted to smile at her and nod my head, to be okay for her if no one else. But I couldn't.

"She's, um…" My little sister turned her head in the direction of the kitchen. "She's talking to Peeta right now."

_Crap!_ A sob built up in my throat, but dissolved there. My last hope for possible sanity (or lack thereof) just disappeared. I decided there was no longer a need to keep my eyes open, so I shut them, allowing tears to build up beneath the eyelids.

But now that Prim mentioned it, I could hear soft murmuring coming from the direction of the kitchen. I couldn't tell what they were saying, and didn't want to.

After some time, the cloth on my forehead was replaced, and I was once again forced to open my eyes. To my utter disappointment and torment, my Mother wasn't the only person kneeling in front of me on the couch. _He _was there, with his perfect halo of blond hair, and-and brilliant eyes staring, concerned, at me. He didn't say anything, though. It was my mother who spoke.

Mother tried speaking slowly, as if to a little child. "Katniss, love, I know you aren't feeling too well. Peeta invited you to go to his house to clean up and, um…reunite…after those long months. Are you up to that?"

Was I up to it? No. I really wasn't. I didn't want to have anything to do with _him._ I wanted to curl up in my old bed two years ago, breathing in the scent of pine needles and faint coal dust. I wanted to have Buttercup hissing at me, but sitting at the feet of Primrose. I wanted to be able to wake up at the crack of dawn with a distinct purpose and be able to feel alive again, I wanted to go back to the way things were.

With an unsteady glare at _him_ (it could have been cross-eyed, I wasn't sure), I opened my mouth to say something, but all of a sudden, it was like a baseball got shot down my throat. It clogged up immediately, forcing hot tears and a sob out.

Mother looked like she was going to cry, too, and she touched my cheek. "You're going to be okay, Katniss. It will all be fine."

What did that even mean any more? So many times I've been promised that. I'll be okay, Katniss. You're fine. We'll get through this. Everything is okay. Words like those get tossed around so frivolously. Words have become so meaningless; people let them slide through their fingers like coins, without even pausing to think the value of this language. No one realized what the words "I love you" meant. People throw the word "hate" around like it's nothing, but they don't know the real meaning. People don't stop and face reality. "_What would happen if it _wasn't_ going to be okay? What if…you won't get through it?_"

I squeezed my eyes, wanting the world to go away. But of course, it didn't. I was aware of arms sliding carefully under my frail figure, hoisting me up into the air. There was nothing I could do. And before I knew it, I was leaving the warmth of the house; frigid rain pelted down upon my face, and I breathed its clean scent in. If only everything in nature was that pure…

For a moment I let the ice penetrate my body, then the world swayed beneath me and I was carried up the steps. And once again, I was brought into the warmth and shelter of another house. I got carried through the living room, past the kitchen, up the narrow wooden stairs, and before I knew it, I was being gently set down on soft blankets.

"Katniss?" _He _sat down next to me, eyes trying to bore like lasers into my own.

Leave me alone….

"Katniss, please open your eyes."

I couldn't. If I did, tears would pour out again.

A sigh. "Well, you're soaking wet, and I didn't bother getting any extra clothing from your house, so how about you borrow some of mine?"

I still didn't answer. I was starting to shake violently; shivers that raked up and down my body chattered my teeth together loudly, but I refused to do anything but sit there. There were so many emotions boiling in my chest right now, I couldn't focus in on one of them alone. So instead of searching my head and finding answers, I didn't do anything at all. What was that point?

"Katniss, we could do this the easy way-" _Oh, jeez. He wasn't actually doing this, right? The easy way or the hard way… Ugh. Just, please leave me in peace… I don't want you right now…_ "—or my way."

This made no sense to me. I didn't know the easy way _or_ his way. Heck he can do whatever he wants in any way he wants. I couldn't care less… I effortlessly shut my body off. But somehow…the tears kept coming. I didn't know when they got there, conjured from nothing, but they were there, and obviously not stopping any time soon.

I apparently didn't get any time to choose, because he had already made up his mind. Of course, I didn't give a crap when I found myself being plucked clean, dried off, and dressed with hands other than my own. And—for the first time in forever—I actually didn't care for the clean cotton scent of _his _T-shirts. I didn't allow myself to miss it. The teeth biting down on my tongue hurt so much I cried even more. The pain blocked everything out for a moment.

There was a quiet one-minute pause, where we were allowed time to breathe. But evidently, we didn't even get to do that.

A loud yell of frustration cut short the not-so-awkward silence.

"Why are you doing this to yourself, Katniss?" His voice rang through the quiet room. "What is this accomplishing? I want—" He sucked in a sharp, and obviously painful, breath. "God, just be okay."

The hush between us now was more painful than anything. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe I should try. And maybe I was a punch-dancing ninety-year-old with Peter Pan hiding in my closet, cussing me out for not staying in Neverland with him. I felt like breaking something very valuable and maybe burning a house or two down.

"Katniss,"

Oh, God, no. That tone of voice… Burning tears formed under my eyelids, leaving me no choice but to open them and stare directly into the face of what I was trying to get away from. This boy, this ragged, torn, emotionally mess of a boy in front of me was the cause of everything. My pain. My five months of agony. My waiting for him to come for me, but I was always disappointed. He was my pain. But also my drug. I needed him, but being with him hurt too much. What was a girl to do?

Break down and cry, of course. For the millionth time.

The shameful tears that had forced me open my eyes came right out and slid down both cheeks in anguished sobs.

_ Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall._

_ Humpty Dumpty had a great fall._

_ All the kings' horses,_

_ And all the kings' men,_

_ Couldn't put Humpty back together again…_

There I was, crying my eyes out, hoping to die, torn between loving this boy more than anything and hating him for all he was worth, wearing his clothes that he put on me, sitting in his bed, and all that came into my head was that stupid little nursery rhyme. The stupidness just made me cry even more.

Arms went around me and hot tears fell into my hair. The sound of weeping flowed out the open window and echoed into the woods.

Peeta clutched me to his chest and refused to let go. That was fine with me, of course, because I wanted to be here in his arms. Part of me was just mush, concentrating on crying. But the other part of me felt so guilty. Guilty I had left without a proper goodbye, guilty I had tried to kill myself. Guilty he had to get his heart smashed to pieces before I listened to him. Guilty because I had refused his love after six months of being torn without me. But I was going to make up for it. As soon as I regained sanity.

For two hours our tears lasted, and at the beginning of the third, I had stopped sobbing enough to take a breath. Oxygen scraped into my lungs and I resisted the urge to cry again because it hurt. Peeta was well done with crying by then, and when I taken a shaky breath, he reached up one hand to brush a piece of hair away from my forehead.

By then I was completely exhausted, physically and mentally from the horrible day I had just had. I wanted to lace my fingers with his and tell him I'm there, but I couldn't. So I just focused on keeping my breathing even as I felt Peeta's fingers keep caressing my face gently. He didn't say anything, though. And it was only until then I realized how loud silence is.

The pain, the torture, everything we went through together broke us to bits and pieces. And who knows if we'll ever be the same? I know I won't. Nothing ever will be, in my opinion. But what does that matter? I have what I need.

My pride.

My sanity (meaning utter lack thereof)

My family.

And I didn't forget the most important piece to the puzzle called Katniss Everdeen. I had my Peeta, and that was all right with me. For now.


	17. Chapter 17

_Sorry it took so long getting this out. I was waiting until I had the chapter after this done. :DD Enjoy!_

**oOo**

In the night, I was awakened with a sharp breath raked from inside of my own lungs. My heart was pounding out of my chest, but try as I might, there were no images in my head that told me of my nightmare. In fact, all I remembered was a dark and uneventful night, which was rare. And even rarer judging by the previous events of yesterday.

I slowly opened my eyes and had to bite back a relieved sigh. Peeta was still there; it hadn't been a dream. His cheeks were still stained with tears, bother of ours probably. Shadows cast by the moonlight through the window snuck in and onto his face, where they lit the hollows in Peeta's face in contrast. It was obvious he had been having a rough time. There was no denying it whatsoever.

But something odd about the situation stumped me. It was unlike nearly every night I had woken up next to him. The strong arms that had held me so many times before were not securely wrapped around my waist like they ought to be. In fact, he wasn't touching me at all. We were on completely different sides of the bed, and he wasn't even under the covers. It looked as if he had fallen asleep awkwardly, not comfortable or at ease sharing this bed with me.

There was only a split-second of hesitation on my part before I leaned over and pressed my body against his, yearning for the warmth it had once provided if nothing else.

Peeta stirred against me and I felt him come around. His hand brushed my shoulder. "Katniss?" His voice was barely audible, to quiet for a whisper.

For a second I was silent, but then pulled away from his chest to see his eyes glowing in the dim light. "I'm sorry, Peeta." My voice was just as quiet as his. There were a lot of things I could apologize for, but only one was affecting me more than the others. "I never meant to hurt you."

If I had thought he would put his arms around me then, I was disappointed.

Peeta just swallowed and reciprocated the silence. What was with this? Did he actually change his mind? And if not, why wasn't he holding me, or-or saying anything at all?

"Say something." I pleaded in a low voice, wetness threatening to form in my eyes again.

"What do you want me to say?" He was still using the same undertone as before, not hinting one way or the other.

"Tell me you aren't angry at me. Tell me you don't hate me. Tell me it isn't too late." My throat closed up, tears welling again in my eyes. "Tell me you still love me, because I can't bear every second you're silent."

There was a moment when I saw the same look of grief in Peeta's eyes. I saw the pulsing of his heartbeat in his neck and the trembling of his lips. "I can't."

"But why?" I felt panic slam into my chest, then horrid fire of self-hatred rise in my chest. It heated my cheeks and scalded my heart so badly I tore the covers off and stomped away from the bed. It was there I stood, across the room with my back to Peeta. Despite my previous thoughts, no tears came. I was too dry to sob any more. All that registered to me was the feeling of torture in my chest. Is this really it? He didn't want me anymore?

A light hand brushed across my neck, cold. A shiver raked down my back but I remained standing, not facing him.

"Because I'm afraid I'll lose you again, Katniss." His hand brushed down my shoulder, and trailed to my wrist, which he encircled in his artist fingers. "I can't say I love you because it'll just hurt more when I lose you."

"_When" _he lost me. Not "_if". _I took a shaky breath. "But you won't lose me. I'm always going to be here. I promise."

Things were quiet for a few more seconds, only my jagged breaths cutting the dim air. But he didn't wait for anything else to be said, because before I knew it, his arms wrapped around my shoulders, turning my body against his. Arms locked around my waist and hands twined in my hair.

"In that case…" Peeta took a deep breath and slid his hand under my chin. "I love you, Katniss. I love you, and I'll never leave you. I don't hate you. It's never too late. I can't stop and say what'll happen to me if you leave, because I have my whole life ahead of me. And it's all yours, if you'll—"

What he was going to say probably was going to be deep and profound. We both were probably going to cry our heads off and sob into each others' hair. But I didn't give him the last few words. I pressed my lips against his the world fell away.

It was slow and hesitant at first, but after a second, Peeta's eyes slid close and he pulled me tighter to his body, deepening the kiss. With the contact, I felt the rapid skip of his heart through my shirt, and became dizzy. Oblivious to the tears running down both our faces and the ragged breaths coming from both our mouths, we floated off into space.

No longer were our feet stuck to the hard floorboards of Peeta's room, but were tangled together on the clouds in the sky. No longer were our hands just wrapped around each others' torsos, but everywhere. We were not on the world; we _were _the world. Nothing existed except Peeta and his lips that were pressed gently against mine.

His hand tugged on mine and we parted, but only long enough to have the support of the bed under us. I was no longer worried about falling down and hitting my head and passing out or something like that. Now there was nothing stopped us.

Except, of course, Peeta's lovely morality.

He pulled back before anything could get too serious, but allowed us a few minutes of air before he scolded me. I was use to this, of course.

"Katniss, I can't." He said, panting slightly.

Instead of arguing, I just let my gaze slide away from his, only slightly ashamed. "I know."

"But I want to. Believe me, I do." Peeta must have thought he was upsetting me, because there was that tone of his voice I recognized. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be." I still avoided his gaze, feeling heat creep into my cheeks. "I understand. I wouldn't have asked that much of you."

There was a slight laugh, deep and amused from Peeta's chest. "You say that as if it's totally necessary, and I'm a bad guy for not letting us."

Funny how the word was never spoken. "It's not that…" There was something weighing my mind that made me swallow and shift away from Peeta.

A few seconds past when he just looked sad and contemplative. Then Peeta glanced over his shoulder at the clock. "It's not too early. Come on," His fingers curled around mine and I was being pulled out the door.

Taking a minute to toss on shoes and coats, we stopped, but kept going shortly after.

I had no clue where he was leading me, or if I would even be able to go that far; my leg were feeling like jelly, an aftereffect from the previous six months; eating next to nothing, planning suicide, thinking Peeta was never coming back then having him come back, the reunion even I wouldn't have imagined, and the weird behavior exchanged between us.

Peeta kept a firm hold of my hand as he led me outside, and—strangely enough—the opposite direction into the woods. I started to get nervous. The woods were not a good place for me to be. My feet skidded along the grass, hesitating going any further.

Peeta glanced back at me with a protective look. "Don't worry, Katniss. I've got you."

Something swelled in my chest and I nodded. After that, I had no trouble following beside him, weaving around trees and feeling a distinct touch of recognition. I knew where we were going. And that fact made things even worse.

In just a few minutes, we stumbled into the small clearing I knew only too well. Winter obscured most facts in my memories, but the ice floating gently on the surface of the lake and the white stuff coating nearly every inch of the minute cabin next to it didn't blur my mind completely. This was the beautiful pond I had learned to swim in, the one I had cleaned my catches at and had hung out with Gale.

A painful lurch caught my chest and I had to swallow hard to get rid of the feeling. It was so gorgeous lit in the moonlight like this, so why was I feeling so broken? I knew why. But I said nothing as Peeta led me to sit down next to him. Instead of seating myself parallel with him, I curled up perpendicular and rested my head on his stomach.

Though it was a cold March morning, I felt no frigid air biting into my face and hands. A warm feeling was spreading from my heart outwards, filling me with tears, both happy and sad. The heat of Peeta's skin was leaking through his shirt and jacket, and I felt it drape over me like a blanket. His torso shifted with every breath he took, and if I was really still, I could feel the slow heartbeat beneath me.

"Katniss?" His voice and gentle finger on my cheek opened my eyes and I looked up at him. His blue eyes were staring down at me with a slightly sad look in his eyes. "This isn't how I wanted things. This isn't how I planned it."

"Me neither…" My voice was a low murmur, and I let my lid slide shut again.

He paused for a few seconds, and then spoke again, quietly as if to himself. "...What were you thinking?"

At the words, I immediately knew what he meant, and my throat closed up. I was tempted to say 'I don't know', but the horrible thing was that I did know. Should I lie and tell him that? No. No, he deserved to know what was going through my head the moment I was poised at the edge of the cliff, arms open like a bird.

I was shattered, obviously. As I stood perched of the cliff edge, I imaged myself falling. Like a baby bird, in its plummet to the ground, I had hoped that at the last second I would sprout wings. The wind would catch under me and I would soar. Soar beyond this world to a next, where everything was fine.

Best friends wouldn't be murdered by other friends, a white rose wouldn't be a symbol of death, and there would be no choosing between those I love. There would be no pain. I would take those wings and be alive again. It had been months, maybe years since I've actually felt alive.

But I did not share this bit of thoughts with Peeta. No, I just decided to start from the beginning and try not to loose it.

"When I shot the arrow into the gunpowder stash, I had only one thought in my head; get my family out alive and well. I wanted to have the parents never worry about their children at reaping every year. I wanted them to be free. But the second I woke up in that hospital bed, I was anything but. I felt like I was on fire, and I wanted to get free, but there were shackles on my hands and neck and feet. I wanted to run. But I couldn't." I took a breath.

Peeta remained silent, listening to my story that no one knew.

"For two months, I was in solitary confinement. There was only one doctor who saw me, and he never spoke. The only reality I knew was the white hospital ceiling in the day and the black fog of the morphling at night. Nutrients and water were provided with the stuff through my IV. I didn't eat or drink anything, and I never spoke. The only information the doctor needed was blinking on his computer screen.

"The beginning of the third month, the restraints were removed, but I was not allowed to move. Morphling was in my system 24/7, and I dipped in and out of consciousness for a month. But slowly, I was allowed to get up and stretch. My bones had grown thin from the lack of use. But I was recovering.

"It was the first week of December—I kept track on the wall—I woke up to the eyes of Prim and Mother. They were crying and hugging me, and I did nothing. It was like I barely knew them. Every part of my body hurt, and after being in incarceration for that long, I had grown sick. Not physically, but mentally. And I knew it.

"The doctors tried everything to fix me, but the depression was stuck deep." I paused for a long time, letting it soak in. At the end of five minutes, I could tell Peeta thought I was done, so I interrupted him, carrying on. "They let us go home last month. I was still not well, though. In the accompaniment of someone else, I was allowed to go out. Everyone thought it would help. But the only thing I did while sitting on my hill was how ironic this was. I had just defeated the Capitol. I had saved Panem from an eternity of the Capitols' domination. I was back at home in District 12 with my family. But I had never felt so alone. I hadn't heard of you since the week my mother and Prim first saw me. They said it was rumored you went back home. That was all I knew."

Peeta stroked his thumb against my cheekbone. "You were back home. So was I. Why didn't we hear about each other being less than a mile away, and why didn't we do anything about it?"

My voice was growing quieter, due to my not talking for months at a time. This was more than I had talked in a really long time. "My arrival in District 12 was kept a secret. And I was in house arrest most of the time. No one was allowed in, no one allowed out. The only people that were allowed to see me were Prim, Mother, and my assigned guard. But even if I wasn't on house arrest, I had no idea you were actually back. I didn't pay attention to 'rumors'. I thought you had changed your mind about me. I thought you were gone forever."

Peeta swallowed audibly and kept his hand to my face. "I thought you were, too. But tell me about yesterday. Everything that was on your mind."

"Why?" I felt some of the cold from the air leak into my clothes and I shivered once.

"Because I need to know."

That was hardly an answer. But Peeta, being Peeta, wasn't going to settle for anything except.

Wishing I was elsewhere, I began. "I had had enough. I'd had enough of being lonely. I'd had enough of feeling like dying, of lying in bed crying my eyes out, of waking up in the middle of the night screaming with no one there to comfort me. I was sick of seeing everyone smile as if it was all okay, but none of them felt what I was—am—feeling. They didn't know how broken I am. None of them could look at me and guess that I wanted to die. They knew I saved the country. They knew my family had gotten out alive. They immediately assumed that being alive meant happiness. But there's a difference between existing and living. I'm broken." If I had a coin for every time I've said that.

There was a pause, in which Peeta let out a breath I hadn't realized he had been holding.

"Last week I was allowed to stay alone outside, only a guard escorting me there and back. That little hill was my sanctuary. It provided a perfect view of the town I was leaving. It provided a perfect place to say goodbye. And I was ready. That day—yesterday—was my three day mark of not eating. I planned to start running into the forest and just to never come back out."

"You were planning to kill yourself." Peeta's voice was shocked and upset, tears swelling his throat as well. "I knew that but to hear it in words hurts."

"I know." That was all I said in response to his words, though. "I was ready to do it when you showed up. That spare second I had stopped to look out at the town saved me, I guess. Because you appeared behind me right then."

"And you ran." Peeta seemed to have wanted to say something else, but he just gave a small cough.

A guilty feeling settled, nice and cozy in my chest, making me want to puke. "Yes, I ran. I thought I was hallucinating. After six months not seeing you, I had thought my mind was just playing tricks on me. It was only until when I turned back to look at you on-on the cliff, and I saw that look in your eyes." A bitter laugh escaped my lips, along with tears from my eyes. "And I had thought I had wanted to die before that…"

A half-sob-half-gasp jolted Peeta's stomach and I felt him reach his arms out to me. He pulled me into his chest so suddenly I had no time to respond before we were being pressed together, crying. One of Peeta's hands had wound fingers through my hair, and the other was clenching into fists, over and over on my back.

I had gripped the front of his shirt in my weak fingers, clamping it against my eyes. In other circumstances, doing that would have seemed like I was attempting to rip his shirt off (it embarrassed me just thinking of it at this time), but all I wanted was this pain to stop, to go away.

After a minute more of crying, I was able to prop myself up against Peeta's body, but the second I did, I found both his hands cupping my face. I was forced to look straight into tear-filled, tortured eyes of his, and tried not to cry myself.

"Katniss, promise me something. Promise me," His voice was a little shaky, and very wet, but the gentle hands on my face held steady. "that no matter how bad—" He swallowed, and corrected himself. "Even if you're alone, and you're in pain, and you feel like that. Even if you haven't seen me in three years. Even if you have changed your mind, I will always love you. No matter where I am or what I'm doing, you will always be the most important thing in my life, and you always have me to live for if nothing else."

There was just barely a second pause, when Peeta let his words catch. "I will love you until the end of time, don't _ever _doubt that. Don't ever doubt that I wouldn't come back home to you. Promise me that at times like that, think of me and how much I need you, and think of times like these we have together. Promise me that I'll be there in your thoughts to save you if the real me can't be there. Promise me that you'll never doubt my love for you, and you'll never doubt your own."

Time passed. A minute. Two minutes. Fifteen minutes. We were both frozen, as if time itself had stopped in its tracks, waiting for my answer. But finally, I lifted my eyes back up to meet the blue ones I love so much.

A shiver ran up my spine, and my leaning forwards was in slow motion. But I got the words out.

"I promise."


	18. Chapter 18

**Peeta's POV**

This had been the best and worst day of my life. For two hours Katniss and I lay on the half-thawed ground, her head on my stomach, just staying still and listening to the birds. I was tempted to say something, anything. Thousands of questions zoomed through my head at top speed, wanting to burst forwards and pummel Katniss raw. But that would have been mean, so I kept quiet.

It was around eight o'clock I found out Katniss was asleep. Her head was lolled off to the side, breathing slow and even. Her eyelids fluttered around, and I wondered what she was dreaming about. Laying there so beautiful and peaceful, I would never have guessed what she had been through.

An empty grumble interrupted my reverie and I was reminded that we had skipped breakfast. Maybe, since Katniss was asleep, I could zip back to the house, grab a few blankets and something to eat, and then come back. Of course, this idea presented itself as crazy at first.

I remembered months ago what happened every time I was out of her sight. She would scream and thrash and horrible visions of blood and such (or so I'm told). Eventually she needed a major operation to fix that.

Yet, it was freezing out. Even though the warmth of our bodies was shared in the chilly spring air, there were undeniable goose bumps freckling our exposed skin. It wouldn't be long before we would start shivering. It would be better to be gone for a minute and have her be warm than stay with her to watch her freeze.

As gently and as quiet as I could, I unzipped my jacket and slid Katniss' head off my lap, resting it on the jacket. She mumbled something incoherent and kept sleeping.

_This is wrong, _I thought as I snuck quickly away from the lake towards the Victors' Village. Everything about it was wrong. After the months of torture she went through, it isn't normal for someone to just be okay. Sure, I loved having her head resting on me again, and hearing her talk as she explained what had happened. For the first three seconds I was thrilled, and everything was back to the way things were.

The feeling of uneasiness had settled on me, nice and tight now. There had to be a catch for her behavior. There is no way Katniss is going to be like this for long, acting as though she hadn't nearly died, been alone for half a year, tried killing herself, and everything turning out marvelously .

Swallowing my unease, I entered the house. There, I gathered two blankets from the closet and hastily made a few sandwiches. After packing it up nice and tightly in a cloth bag, I made my way back to the lake.

Don't ask me how I know where it is; it's a long story. It involves a night of terrifying dreams, sleepwalking, and a very stupid squirrel. Honestly, you don't want to know.

I was trudging through the forest, heaving along the bag of necessities behind me, when a noise made my ears prick. I blinked once and strained my ears, searching for the noise again. A small whimper burst from the trees in front of me. A very familiar whimper, might I add.

Dropping the sack all of a sudden, I jogged towards the noise, curious. "Katniss? Katniss, is that you?"

"Peeta!" A frightened voice called out my name and I flat out ran.

Adrenaline surged wildly through my veins, but I only got about twenty feet when I saw her. I was surprised. She was just standing by a tree—the lake visible in between two trees—standing alone clutching her elbows in her hands. The piteous look in her eyes was darting back and forth, and when she heard me crash into the tiny clearing, scared grey eyes flicked up to mine.

I reached out my arms to her to pull the small body to my chest, but instead of fright and despair she came at me with, it was anger.

"You promised!" She half-yelled-half-sobbed, only detaching her hands from her elbows to grip the front of my shirt. "You promised!"

Katniss was sobbing, and I was unable to talk due to the thoughts whirring around in my skull. "Why—? Katniss, I—"

"You promised me!" Her voice was a tear-filled shriek, and she let go of me with a shudder. "You promised you would never leave me! You said you wouldn't—" A noise like a wounded animal escaped her throat and she clapped her hand over her mouth. The next words were whispered through a scratchy throat. "You weren't—"

I wanted to pull her close to me and comfort her, letting her know I was only gone for a few minutes, but she turned around and left before I could pull her into me.

Into the lake clearing she stomped, weeping quietly, but the tenseness of her shoulders warned me to stay away. I jogged a little faster and touched her shoulder, but she shrank away immediately and ran towards the small cement house some ten feet away.

This was horrible, I didn't mean to… A tiny, cold droplet of saltwater escaped my eyelashes. I didn't raise my hand to wipe it away.

Katniss hunched against the wall of the shack and for a second, I thought she would regain her composure and stand back up straight. But, to my surprise and disdain, she began slamming her forehead, again and again, onto the wall. Now, that was going too far.

I ran up to her and tugged her away from the cabin angrily, and saw the blood pour from a gash on her hairline. Fury rose in my chest and I dabbed my sleeve against the wound. "Why do you do this to yourself? What are you accomplishing slicing your head open on things?"

Katniss stayed silent, tears still racing each other down her pale cheeks. Though I took it as a positive sign she didn't flinch away.

"I can't bear you hurting yourself…" I swallowed slightly and gave up on my wiping my sleeve against the blood. It was flowing too much. "We should get back to the house. You're freezing and bleeding too much for my sleeve.

He shook her head. "Not…not yet. I need…." She leaned away from me, but not in an aggressive fashion. "I need some time alone."

Frustrated, I let out a noise of exasperation. "You just got done screaming with me for leaving you alone! That surgery was supposed to fix your breakdowns." The last part I added was just an afterthought, but nonetheless true.

"That was different, Peeta!" Katniss' voice was hurt, but not quite a shout. "I couldn't control that. When I told myself you were coming back it didn't work! But this time—" She sucked in a harsh breath. "I didn't think you were there at all. I was afraid that I had dreamt your return and it scared me more than anything, Peeta, to be alone again."

"Then why do you want me to let you go wandering off into the woods again?" Though I understood exactly what she said and meant, the same was for me as well. I didn't want her out of my sight for longer than a few minutes for the same reason; I was afraid.

"I need time to mull this over, but only with the reassurance of your being on my mind. I need time to be alone when I don't feel like committing suicide."

Should I be reassured? I gulped again, unsure whether to trust her, to trust myself. But finally, I had to give in. "Fine, but come back soon. I can't be away from you for too long."

After blinking her wide, teary eyes at me once, she reached up and pressed her lips to my cheek. "I'm sorry for screaming at you. See you in a bit."

And I watched as the delicate figure of Katniss Everdeen slinked into the woods and disappeared from view.

**KATNISS' POV**

I jogged along the forest floor, still upset, trying to void off the sinking feeling. Inside, I had hoped for Peeta to have not let me be alone at all and had dragged me off to be back at home with him. But the other part of me was glad he didn't, because I was getting a despondent headache due to stress. And though I was overjoyed having my Peeta back, something was wrong.

My running slowed until I was left standing in the middle of the woods, feeling near-hysteria growing in my throat. Not because Peeta was gone, but because of the dead rabbit hanging in front of me. A rusted snare was looped tightly around its neck, and if it weren't for the patches of white fur on the scrawny feet, I wouldn't have known it was a rabbit at all.

Nearly all of the flesh had been picked clean by predators, frozen and thawed many times, and frozen once more to stay. In fact, I wouldn't put it past myself to just label it as a year-old skeleton. It was disgusting and decayed, but that wasn't what bothered me the most.

I knew that snare design like it was my own. It was a work of art done only by the hands of a hunter I once knew, beautiful and dark, who had been murdered soon after my daughter was born. Of course, neither of those facts mattered, because they were both gone.

This snare was probably planted just a few days before the bombing on District 12 or right after, but when D13 hovercrafts came to pick the survivors up, the rabbit was left to rot, forgotten.

I doubled over on the ground and threw up what very little I had in my stomach. Come to think of it, there wasn't anything in there, so I didn't even want to know what the heck those little red chunks were in the pile of sick left on the forest floor.

After cleaning out my stomach, I bolted. That wasn't a very smart idea because I hadn't gone fifteen feet before a wave of vertigo hit me like a wrecking ball. I was sent flying into the ground, grinding mud slush into my face, hair, and the front of my shirt. When I had hit the ground, something caught the leg of my trousers and ripped a good-sized hole in the knee.

Covered in mud and sobbing, I forced myself to get up on my hands and knees and craw a few more feet before I threw up again. Nothing but bile came out. _His _name kept running over and over in my head, slamming against one another, making me cry even harder.

He was gone, Gale was gone…

Those six words have run through my head before, and ran again. Distressing cries split the three-o'clock air like daggers. Shaking violently, I crawled under a large, fanned-out spruce tree and curled up in the puddle of mud, bits of brown ice soaking into my clothes. I was freezing and numb, unable to stop the shivers raking themselves against my spine.

I closed my eyes, wishing that I would just go to sleep. Though the sleep that found me wasn't sleep. After all, blacking out was not unusual when slamming one's head against the trunk of a tree.

**PEETA'S POV**

It had been three hours. Three hours since I had bade Katniss goodbye and told her to come home soon. It was nearing six, and if she wasn't back by then I was going out and getting her myself. All sorts of wild animals were out lurking at this time of night. Of course, Katniss was perfectly capable of handling herself, but under the emotional stress she's been in, I highly doubted a small 18-and-a-half year old girl could take on a pack of wild dogs.

I paced the room nervously, glancing at the clock frequently, but at 5:50, I couldn't wait. Grabbing a flashlight and a dagger I kept stored hidden in a downstairs cupboard, I exited the Victors Village house and back into the woods.

As I walked, a sinking feeling settled down on my lungs, making it hard to breath. Katniss wasn't at the lake, alright. But I didn't know the woods. What if she hurt herself and was lying in a puddle of her own blood, waiting for me to save her, and I don't know where I'm going? Swallowing hard, I began with where she ran off into the woods. There was a small scuffle of leaves from where she took off running, but that's about it.

I'm becoming a nervous wreck. Breathing becoming shallow, I jogged further into the forest, sure I was getting lost. For half an hour I jogged, which doesn't seem like such a long time, but it really was when the thoughts of a wounded girl awaiting for you to save her made every second longer than it really was.

After squeezing my eyes shut once, I opened them back, and found myself staring up at a bird. Black with scattered white feathers, a narrow head, and pointed tail, that could only be a mockingjay. I blinked once at it and opened its mouth.

The lifesaver, at that moment, was me deciding to stay and see what it said instead of running again.

The mockingjay started crying, gurgling coming from its throat so familiar and heartbroken. How come mockingjays can _do _that? Maybe, if it heard crying, it could fly off and lead me to where Katniss is. Really stupid idea, obviously. The bird just ruffled its feathers and blinked again at me.

Crap. Well, I couldn't waste time hoping this bird would waddle off into the forest wanting me to follow. I just kept running the direction I was going. The ground here was getting really disgusting. It was half-thawed brown muck with flecks of frozen ice and twigs in it. I slowed my running, and stopped to rest against a tree.

As I was panting my lungs out, I let my eyes wander off into the trees in front of me. Wide, frozen limbs stretched over the disgusting ground, mounds of icy moss in the process of melting. But when my eyes fell again on a particularly large mound of grimy moss. That wasn't moss.

Curious, I detached myself from the side of the tree and went around to the other side of the tree, where I could see the front of the 'lump of moss'. A pale, cold face stared blankly out over the ground, lips blue and frozen. Thin arms were locked around her chest, afraid, and near-frozen tears cut tracks in the grime on her face.

The half-frozen body of Katniss was curled under a tree, covered in mud, and I had to get her back home before she became more than just frozen. Ever so gently, I slid my arms around the filthy, cold body and cradled her to my chest.

Before, I would have been worried about getting lost in the woods, but honestly? I didn't need to think twice of where to go to get my girl to safety.

**oOo**

_Nyyaaaa I didn't like the ending so much, but oh well. Now you see why I chose to post these two chapters at the same time? If I had just updated the last one, people would be all, "Katniss would not have been that happy after something like that happened to her" but I wanted to get the message across that she isn't. I think I'm confusing myself, so I'll go now. Remember; REVIEW!_


	19. Chapter 19

_I love everyone one of you soooo much for reviewing and reading and everything you people do. :DD I hope things haven't gotten too OOC or too weird to be like the Hunger Games series in any way. As you can tell, I enjoy writing drama scenes and break-downs and such. So if you're all, "Katniss and Peeta are too darn emotional to pass as themselves" just understand my meanings. ^.^_

**oOo**

At first I was planning to bring Katniss back home to my house. It was automatically the first place to pop into my head, but I was forced to rethink that when it occurred to me if I brought her to my house, I'd have to redress her again. It wasn't as though I minded, but part of me felt somewhat guilty every time I needed to because we weren't really _married. _It was just gentleman-like of me to bathe Katniss as little as possible.

I carried her quickly through the forest, and when I got to the door of Ms. Everdeens' and Primrose's house, I struggled to knock. It was a few seconds before Prim answered. She had her fat cat Buttercup in her arms and she looked curious and awake. When she saw the limp, half-frozen body of her big sister in my arms, big blue eyes widened.

With a thump, the orange cat fell from her arms and she let out a surprised squeal. "W-What's wrong, Peeta? Is she…okay?"

When the fourteen-year-old stepped aside, I wasted no time in trudging in and setting Katniss down gently on the couch. My arms felt like noodles.

"I don't know." I admitted, kneeling with Prim by the side of the couch. "I made the mistake of leaving her alone in the woods, and when she didn't come back, I went after her, and found her like this."

Primrose, swallowing, stood up. "Mother is at work, but you and I are going to help her, right?" She looked hopefully at me with a face much more mature and confident than anyone else I knew.

"Of course." Again, I didn't hesitate.

In her doctor mode, Prim began rattling off things I needed to do.

"I'm going to wash all this mud off of her in the main bathroom downstairs, and I want you to have a warm blanket and tea ready when I'm ready. But because I'm not strong enough to carry her on my own, you're going to need to help with carrying too…" She disappeared for a split-second up the stairs and came back with a fresh pair of Katniss' clothes draped over her arm.

At the word, I once again picked up the cold form of Katniss and followed Prim as she went into the master bath and motioned for me to place her in the tub. Once that was done and I had removed myself from the bathroom, I decided to work on what Prim had instructed me to do.

Ignoring the anxiety and exhaustion all this brought on, I went upstairs to the spare linen closet. Thankfully all the houses in the Victors' Village had roughly the same plan, so it wasn't easy to get lost.

When I draped two bed throws over my arm, I was abruptly reminded of the sandwiches and blankets I left in the woods a few hours ago. Oh well.

After tossing the blankets on the couch, I continued into the kitchen. Though I've known Katniss for a while, I have yet to learn her favorite tea. That didn't matter, though, so I just made a large thermos of tea from the first box I laid eyes on in the cupboard. While that was brewing, I did my best to quell the urge to whip up a batch of oatmeal cookies.

But just when I was about to cave in, a voice called out to me from the other room.

"Peeta, come help me with Katniss." Prim popped her head out from the bathroom door as soon as I stepped out of the kitchen.

To my relief, when I followed her back into the master bath, Katniss was already clothed. Clumsily, of course; her shirt was bunched awkwardly on her back and stomach, but the thought vanished as soon as my eyes flicked up to her face.

Grey eyes were open wide, staring at the ceiling. Even though no frozen slush-mud was visible anywhere, Katniss' lips were still a shocking ice blue and trembling still. Tracks of saltwater were already making their way down pale cheekbones.

As tenderly as possible, I curled my arms around the frail, still-cold form of Katniss. When her skin made contact with mine, she shivered violently and her eyes closed tight against the world.

I cradled her body to mine, hoping body heat would warm her some. "You're okay, Katniss. Prim and I'll fix you."

We dragged ourselves out of the bathroom—my arms were quivering from overwork—but stopped in front of the couch. Narrow and hard, it didn't seem like the ideal place to set a half-dead girl on to warm up. Glancing over at Prim, I saw that she was frowning. Her blue eyes flicked up to mine.

"Guest room." Those were the only words she said, and gazed earnestly at her sister. Without saying anything else, she just turned around and led the way upstairs.

On our way up, I inwardly wondered 'why the guest room'. Katniss had her own room here, right? But I just shrugged inwardly and kept following Prim.

She led us to an empty guest room, bare and quiet except for a bed, a nightstand, a wardrobe, and a round clock hanging on the wall moving almost indiscernibly. Ignoring everything around me I walked over to the bed and tucked Katniss under the covers. She was shivering more violently now, shaking and trembling uncontrollably.

I remembered the tea downstairs. I flicked my eyes over to Prim. "I'll be right back. Forgot the tea."

"I can get it." She offered and darted right out the door before I could object. But at least it gave me some time alone with Katniss, if only two minutes.

I sat awkwardly on the side of the bed next to Katniss, touching my thumb to the side of her cheek lightly. Watery eyes turned slowly to the right and she gazed miserably at me, keeping silent.

"I'm sorry, Katniss." I said quietly, still stroking the cold skin of her face. "I'm sorry I was stupid enough to think everything would go back to the way it was. I'm sorry I left you back at the lake. I'm sorry this happened to you."

She blinked and swallowed audibly.

Shaking my head, I scooted next to Katniss. Goosebumps shot up both our arms when I pressed myself to her side. She still felt like ice, even though she was tucked under thick blankets in a warm room next to me.

I took her hand in both of mine and tried to massage warmth back into her fingers. "I didn't want to let you be alone either, but I needed to trust you. I guess it wasn't your fault this happened…"

She was quiet for a few more seconds, then opened her mouth. "It was my fault." Katniss' voice was muted and raspy.

"Of course not." Though I was slightly surprised she chose to talk, I didn't do anything other than hunch closer to her and released one hand from hers to briefly brush my finger on her temple. "It's not your fault."

"But it is." Katniss shuddered slightly, and sucked in a painful breath. "It was fine the first few minutes. Then I…lost it. The woods reminded me of…of him too much."

Him. Gale. Of course. Before, I would have probably felt angry, jealous, something other than what I felt. Pity. I would have pinned it as "getting over my loathing", but now I just felt upset. He actually made her happy, and now that he's gone, she's in so much pain. And there was nothing I could do.

When I said nothing, Katniss leaned her head onto my arm and shivered again.

At that opportune time, Primrose decided to hop back into the room, thermos of tea in her hand. "Sorry it took so long. I had to heat it up again."

To be honest, I seriously doubted that, but it was considerate of her to let us have some time.

Without any hesitation, she crawled up onto the bed with us, and curled her body against Katniss' in hope for sharing body heat as well. The thermos in her hand was opened and put to Katniss' blue lips.

Her chest jolted and she coughed all the tea back out all over the blanket. She coughed a few more times, trying to get all the liquid out of her lungs. Then Katniss gulped and sat, shivering, back onto the pillows.

"Come on, Katniss, you need to drink." Primrose urged her, holding up the thermos again. "It'll warm you up."

The frozen girl in between us flinched away and coughed feebly yet again.

"Drink this, and we'll leave you alone." Prim offered the thermos again, but flicked her eyes up at me. "At least, _I'll _leave you alone."

Very funny.

"Maybe some water." I slid off the bed and went to fill up a glass in the bathroom. After returning to the room and sitting back up in the bed, I held it up to Katniss' lips. "Please drink this, Katniss. You'll feel better. It's not too hot."

I was given a familiar exasperated look from Katniss, and to my surprise, she pulled a quivering hand out from under the blankets and curled her icy fingers around the glass. I didn't quite trust her to hold it up on her own, though, so I held my fingers around hers as she brought the cup to her lips and drank half of it.

Primrose looked incredulously at me. "How come she listens to you and not me?"

After setting the glass back down on the nightstand, I shrugged.

A little mew sounded from the doorway and Prim's fat cat Buttercup slinked in and hopped up onto the bed with the three of us. He made a low gurgling sound and began kneading Katniss' lap, then flopped down.

"See?" Prim patted the cat's head, looking at Katniss. "Even Buttercup wants you to get better."

Katniss didn't laugh, just blinked and focused on breathing in and out.

Primrose sighed, discouraged by her older sisters' unwillingness to do anything she said. "Well, now that you have some water in your system I should go to the hospital and get Mother. I hope she isn't working on someone." She jumped off the side of the bed, but paused in the doorway. "Feel free to use the kitchen if you get hungry. I might be a bit."

Inwardly thinking of how much the young girl had changed, I nodded. "Thanks."

And as soon as Prim disappeared through the bedroom door again, I turned my attention back to Katniss. She had the slightest amount of color back in her cheeks, but still looked like a ghost. When she caught me staring, Katniss' eyes, colorless at the moment, met mine.

She let out a small shiver, but sounded more like a whimper. "Peeta, I'm cold…"

Feeling a pang of anxiety and sympathy at the same time, I deemed it safe to wrap my arms around her. Katniss buried her face numbly into my torso and shuddered yet again, but this time couldn't stop. I did my best to warm her, rubbing my hand on her arm in hopes the friction would create a little heat.

"Y-You're no use out of the c-covers." Her teeth chattered and she pressed closer to me.

I resisted the urge to laugh. "This isn't my house, Katniss."

Katniss crossed her arms tightly over her chest, hunched over. "Who g-gives a crap about whose house it is. I'm freezing my butt off and y-you just have to be courteous to my mother…"

"It's not just that." When silence followed that statement, I took that as her wanting explication. "Like I said this morning, I'm afraid."

With a trembling hand, Katniss reached over and grabbed the glass from the nightstand and took a sip. It was good to see her feeling better. For a good five minutes she was silent, only taking tiny swallows of the water. When the cup was empty, she wrapped her fingers around glass and kept hold of it.

"So am I," She admitted. "But fear always teaches us something. Most the time…we're just afraid to learn."

So she went from half-dead to reciting backs of cereal boxes. At this point I should probably be worrying about her, more than I was. "Do you remember…our promise we made to each other back in District 13?"

"There were a lot of promises. Which one are you referring to?"

I cast my memory back to the exact day. "It was—I think—a day before your surgery. We were talking about when we go home, and about how you were so keen on living with me right away. But I insisted on you being the Mockingjay first."

Katniss took a two-second pause. "Oh, _that_ promise."

"If it isn't too against the rules, can I add on to it?" I was winging this, but every word that came out of my mouth was purposeful and true.

"Depends on what you want to add." Katniss' voice was quiet, and broke at the end.

I unwound my arms from her and began to get up. Her eyes widened and she reached out for me weakly as I got up. Though I did not pause. "How about when you feel well, you come and find me. When you deem yourself ready. I am not going to deprive you of anything. When you feel perfectly well again, come to me. For now, stay and rest."

Katniss' lips formed indiscernible words. But when nothing but air puffed out, I bent over and very gently pressed my lips to her forehead.

"You're the judge." I reminded her and left.

I didn't get any further than the doorway when I heard Katniss scrambling frantically out of bed, and I turned just in time to have her throw herself in my arms.

Tears were pouring out of the corners of her eyes, but she wasn't sobbing. "Stay, Peeta. Stay. You can't just leave me to decide when it's right. I need you _now, _I am well enough _now_."

My arms held her tightly, and my face buried in the black spill of hair haloing Katniss' head. "I know, but think of it this way," I pulled back to put a finger to her collarbone. "When you are ready to be on your own. When you are aware of every decision you make. When every part of you—your mind, your heart, your body—is ready for the mental and physical strain of being independent. When you are able to look back at times like these, of back in the Games, and not cry. And the only thing that comes to your head from those memories was how much that taught you, the both of us. Not how you owe Thresh, or how it was your fault Gale died, or any single thing that affected who you are now. When you can look at me and see not the boy in the Games, but who I am now, that is when you come to me. I'll be waiting for you until that day."

Katniss was quiet for a minute. It was obvious she wanted to protest and fall back into my arms, but she didn't. At the mark of fifteen grueling minutes, she lifted her head. "I'll be waiting for that day, too. But Peeta,"

I touched my thumb to her cheek.

"We'll still be able to see each other, right? Or is this you ordering me to house arrest?"

"We'll see each other." I promised. "What I just said only applies to living together and…other such ideas."

"Okay." Katniss swallowed and looked up at me. "One last kiss?"

I didn't need to say anything after that. My hand cupped the side of her face and I bent down. Our lips met with a soft, painful pressure, but only lasted a second. When I pulled away, Katniss' arms wound around my torso and we embraced each other, both trying not to cry.

This wasn't like a goodbye-goodbye. We weren't saying farewell forever, to have some emotional fit over. But when I pulled away and left her standing there in the room, I felt cold tears blur my vision, the salty taste of the kiss still lingering on my lips.

**oOo**

_Okay, so my buddy and I were talking about where this was going. Originally I was going to make Katniss be depressed for a long time and have Peeta nurse her back to health and have Peeta/Katniss have a really big special (wink wink) reunion. But instead, I'm going to make *Mellark babies* happen sooner, as we had put it. I know you people are prolly thinking that Peeta's little promise-add-on would make the Mellark babies be in a while, but that's okay. I'm kinda half-winging it here. _

_I wasn't sure how this ended, so tell me, okay? Love you all, and wish you all happy tidings for the rest of your lives and…so on. OH! And,_

_P.S: Someone anonymously reviewed Lo and Behold a few times, going by the name of "Oliver". Since you don't (or didn't) have an account, I couldn't reply to any of your reviews or anything like that. So if you happen to be reading this story "Oliver", PM me or something, because honestly I am really curious to talk to you. _

_Okay. Thanks everyone and happy March something-or-other. _


	20. Chapter 20

_Hey, beautiful people. I just want to say I am sorrryyyy. Last chapter, Peeta did his little promise thingy or whatever, and I honestly didn't mean to have it be such big of deal. I freaking overreacted, and want you to just…pretend that I didn't make such a big deal about it, okay? Sorry, honestly. :DD Happy reading!_

**oOo**

**KATNISS' POV**

As I watched Peeta walk from the room, feelings swelled in me, though I wasn't sure which was real and important. I felt horrid and rejected for Peeta not letting us live together like he promised. I felt weak and pathetic for needing him so badly and having him leave me. I felt upset and angry for him doing that to me, for him leaving me like that. I felt independent and strong for actually letting him do that. But all I felt when I was gazing at the back of his receding figure was exhaustion mingled with some strange electric energy.

It was weird having those two feelings mingled in my heart. I loved Peeta so badly, but having him be strong made me feel even more love. That he had that much strength to face me and my outlandish whims and give me that promise to hold on to. I knew he wanted to live with me, too, but it would be best for both of us to wait until I finally regained most of my sanity. Part of me wanted to collapse on the floor, drying and begging him to come back, but this wasn't the end of it. I had to be strong like him.

The other feeling, exhaustion, hit immediately after Peeta vanished. I slumped back onto the bed and curled up. The world dipped and swayed underneath me and I was cold, but not nearly as bad as before. All I wanted to do was to sleep, but as soon as I felt content enough to get pulled under, the door reopened.

Mother walked briskly into the room and dropped down by the side of the bed. "My goodness, Katniss, I'm so sorry I didn't come earlier. You look awful."

Thanks, _Mom_.

She put her hand briefly to my cheek, but removed it to search in her work bag for a thermometer. When she pulled out the rubbery instrument and stuck it under my tongue, my mother sighed. "Prim told me what happened. I should have known better not to let you go out into the woods completely alone. But nevertheless, I'm glad Peeta got you home and got some water into your system."

I mumbled something around the thermometer and looked away from her.

A tiny beep vibrated through the instrument and Mother pulled it from my mouth. Now I'm going to taste plastic for another hour.

"That's good." My mother looked relieved and shoved the plastic wand back into her bag. "No fever. How do you feel, though?"

I blinked my eyes once, slowly, and looked back at my concerned family. _Cold. Sad. Lonely. _"Perfectly fine."

She looked exasperated. "Your lips are blue. You aren't well."

"You could have said that in the first place…" I swallowed past the aching lump in my throat.

She rolled her eyes. "Well, at least you're talking this time. That's some improvement from last week. I'm glad Peeta found you."

Please, just shut up about Peeta already. It hurts enough as it is.

"Are you able to walk at all?" Mother took a small step back from the bed, probably meaning for me to use the extra space to get up. "If you can, it would be best for you to take a hot shower and move around to keep the blood flowing."

I groaned quietly to myself; chasing after Peeta across the room already drained most of my strength. But the shiny, half-hopeful-half-sympathetic look in my mothers' eyes made me swing my legs off the bed and stand up.

For a second, whiteness flashed in front of my eyes, then it returned normal.

Mother and Prim looked up at me expectantly.

"I'm going to go shower." A little time—just half an hour, if any at all—to myself would be excellent right then.

I shut myself into the bathroom and stripped myself of the clothes Prim had dressed me in, and stepped into the warm spray of water. Involuntarily, tears began falling down my face and I stood there crying in the shower. I had a feeling, though, that this wouldn't be my first time crying over what Peeta said. Salt water mixed with the metallic tap water as they collided on the way down to the slippery tile floor.

For an hour I cried until there was no more moisture in my system. Thirsty and puffy-faced, I dragged myself out of the shower, just to find my mother and a warm towel awaiting. I let her dry me off and dress me in a very thick fleece nightdress and put me to bed. She sat with me in bed while I sniffled into her shoulder.

It was like that for another while, and having the heavy weight of depression still lingering on my shoulders, making me sleepy. Mother, thinking I was asleep, got up gently and tucked the blankets up to my chin without moving me.

She bent down and pressed her thin lips to my forehead. "Sleep, tight, Katniss."

Fighting back more tears, I forced myself to stay quiet as I listened to her walk out and close the door behind her. But as soon as I heard the door shut behind her, sleep found me so suddenly I didn't even have time to lament over my sad, sad life.

To my utter bewilderment, when I opened my eyes in the morning, it wasn't because of my nightmares. Yesterday had been so completely energy-draining I had slept the night. But no doubt tonight will make up for that.

I dragged myself through the day slowly, taking time to let my family love me more than usual, to let Prim hold my hand comfortingly at lunch, and at 3:00, I was surprised the subject of Peeta hadn't been brought up. Everyone seemed so weary keeping me away from hard work and keeping me happy. It seemed as though everything was balancing precariously on thin ice, and if the wrong thing was said, everything would shatter and I'd lose it again.

It had been almost exactly eighteen hours since I had last seen Peeta. Perhaps I owed him a visit. Something told me if I wanted to see him in sooner than a week, I would have to be the one going to him. He was the overly-carful type.

At 3:45, I had made up my mind. After going into my room, changing into normal clothes (I was still in last nights' gown), and braiding my hair, I went back downstairs. Mother was at her work, but Prim was curled up on the couch fiddling with Buttercup's fur while immersed in a book. When she heard me come down the stairs she looked up.

"Where are you going?" She asked in a voice, not unkind. It was unnecessary to ask if I was indeed going anywhere. If I had my way I'd spend my life in dirty pajamas without bothering to fix my hair, and I'd be perfectly fine with it.

I took an uncertain breath and let it out. "Peeta's."

Prim's delicate blond eyebrows arched slightly, and she gave me a sympathetic look. "Good luck."

I nodded and left.

Halfway to Peeta's house, I grew tentative. He probably wasn't home… Or maybe he was in the middle of a late lunch and didn't want to be disturbed. A dozen excuses popped up into my mind and attempted to tug me back home, but I resisted. _He meant what he said last night. _That reason made me stop right in my footsteps, but that was unfortunate timing because I was at his door step.

To knock or not to knock? I swayed back and forth, biting my lip. Finally, I decided I needed to man-up and knocked on the wooden material of the door. Actually, pounded was more like it. Suddenly, I shrank back, afraid that my knocking was too harsh, and Peeta'd answer upset at me for scratching his door with my fists of steel.

Actually, it was another good five minutes until the door opened. Peeta answer in a normal T-shirt and plaid pajama pants (where'd he get those?). For a split-second he seemed curious as to who nearly broke his door down, but those beautiful blue eyes of his fell upon my face and he attempted to be casual.

"Sorry for taking so long. Knock louder next time." The corner of his mouth twitched up into a crooked, halfhearted smile.

"Sorry…" I mumbled, rubbing an arm with my other, feeling really awkward. Thank goodness Peeta wasn't as uncomfortable as I was, because he stepped aside and waved me in, fingers brushing my shoulder.

A shiver ran up my body and I walked hurriedly inside, blushing guiltily. Once the door was shut and we were standing alone in the living room, Peeta smiled uneasily.

"I have some cookies in the oven. They should be done soon. I won't have time to ice them or anything, I hope you don't mind." He motioned vaguely into the kitchen.

I inwardly cringed. Having things this distant and impassive hurt so badly. Yesterday I woke up in bed with him and kissed him like there was no tomorrow, unaware that things were about to be that way. Emotionless, I let him lead me into the kitchen where we sat down at the table together.

A few uncomfortable seconds passed, and then Peeta grimaced. "I hate that I screwed up everything by saying what I did. Now things are so horrible between us, it reminds me of in the Capitol right before the Games. You can hardly look at me." He avoided my gaze.

"No," I said even before I comprehended what I was disagreeing to. I corrected myself. "Well… Yeah, you pretty much got the basics down." My head flopped forwards onto the table and I groaned into the shiny wood. The bruise from slamming my head on the cabin wall yesterday screamed in protest.

Without replying, Peeta busied himself with the cookies, which announced themselves done with a ding of a bell. He got them out and slid them onto a tray to cool, then opened a cabinet over the counter. Peeta paused for a second, then turned around to face me. "You know, I never learned your favorite tea."

A ghost of a smile touched my lips, but it remained unseen behind the veil of hair covering my face. "'Constant Comment'."

After blinking once, he pushed aside a few colorful tea boxes in his cupboard, and pulled out the right one. He spared me a small grin. "I'll have to remember that."

Peeta dropped two of the spicy bags into cups, poured hot water in them, and sat back down in front of me to let them steep. The poor guy was doing everything he could to keep the conversation going, no matter how painful. "You know, what I said… I never meant to hurt you this badly."

I brought my head off the table. "You aren't—" Then I frowned, and corrected myself once again. I dropped his gaze. "It's not your fault. You made perfect sense."

"But I did hurt you. It shows in your eyes."

There was no denying it. "Well, yeah, but the truth always hurts. You just put it out there reasonably. I understood what you meant, and I am just being a baby for crying over it."

Peeta looked startled. "You've been crying?"

"Ah—no." I lied, for only his sake. "I was using that as a… never mind. I'm just trying to say you don't need to be sorry for anything. You saved me, I should at least be a little grateful."

"No, I was stupid even suggesting it."

Were we going to go around and around like this the whole time? 'It was my fault', 'no it was mine', 'no really, it's mine'.

"After all the hell you've been put through, I just put you through more. If it's not too late to take it back…" Peeta's eyes met mine and he offered an apologetic smile. "I will. If, of course, you're not too upset at me."

I blinked, taken aback. After all this being upset over what he had said, I never once paused to think of his ability to take it back and what would happen if he did. But it was an offer, of course. He was asking me if I wasn't too upset to go back to him like I wanted. But do I want it anymore? If this told me anything at all, it was how true Peeta was. I was rash, lived too much in the past, and had trouble accepting things happening now, or things that will happen later. Would it be best to wave it off and not take up his offer of breaking off the little agreement we made?

Still waiting for my answer, Peeta got up and set the large plate of cookies and my tea in front of me. I curled my fingers around the mug and took a tiny sip.

For ten minutes I remained silent. Then, finally, Peeta grew impatient. "I'm curious to know what that face is for, Katniss."

I rubbed a finger on my temple. "I'm debating the cost of refusing your offer." _Think about it hard, Katniss. _"I would give anything to pretend the last year didn't even happen. From Alexis to Gale, to Dr. Longarden to Cinna, all the way up to yesterday. But you made me realize how much I suck."

Peeta's eyebrows raised, half amused, half disbelieving.

"I'm too rash for my own good. I can't live in the now and without tending to that before we live together could be…bad, to be putting it mildly." I took another drink of my hot tea and considered a cookie from the platter, but decided against it.

He shook his head slowly. "We've had bad things happen to us, Katniss. No one blames you if you can't move past the memories stopping you from living now. Just because you still have nightmares and still cry over the horrors of your—of _our—_past doesn't mean that you're unable to have a life with me, now."

Darn it, Peeta hold too good of a point to argue with a better one. I racked my brains for a better line of reasoning. All that I came up with was pretty lame. "It's better to be safe than to be sorry."

Funnily enough, he grinned at me. "Last night you nearly exploded wanting me to take it back and to let us live together and now you are battling my taking it back. Tell me," Peeta leaned closer to me, his elbows on the table. "what do you _really _want? What is it that makes you juggle the possibilities of your life now? What are you chasing after that you want so badly?"

There was a long pause when I just sat there, mouth open to a circle of bafflement. Gears worked themselves silly in my brain, racking for an answer. I could practically feel the smoke sizzling out of my ears. What did I want?

I want to be with Peeta. I want to have nothing in our way, the Capitol, lack of wedlock, my irrationality. I want to be independent again, except always have the love of my friends and family always there when I need it. I want to be able to remember the dead only as people of my past, not subject to my tears every other day.

With a loud groan, I slammed my head back down onto the table. "I need therapy."

Peeta laughed quietly, eyebrows slanted benevolently. He stood up and walked over to my side, and slid his hand under my elbow. I allowed him to help me stand up, and I was being pressed into his chest. My hands curled around his shoulders, my head on his collarbone. The familiarity of Peeta's fingers laced behind my back and his chin on the top of my head relieved me so much it was all I could do not to cry again. I was a wimp. I might have to work on that.

"You can think about it, Katniss." Peeta laughed softly, and I could feel it vibrate though his chest. "I'm in no hurry."

"That's good…" I said, but my mind was elsewhere. The visions of my nightmares—Cato being ripped apart by muttations, Rue's lifeless body laying in the dirt with flowers around her, Gale's white face right after he died whispering my name—ran through my head. But this time, instead of making me jam my fists into my eyes and whimper, they just sat there winding their ghostly fingers through my hair. I didn't cry. I just watched as the faces of the departed flashed, one by one, across my memory.

I was seriously considering therapy.

**oOo**

_Sorry about the wait for this chapter. Actually, the next few chapters. My family decided to stay home for spring break, not go anywhere at all. It felt amazing, but 'not going anywhere' included the internet. Hope everyone enjoyed their time off! To those who are still in school: hang in there, it's almost summer. To those who are out of school: lucky… Please review! And I recommend those who don't have accounts, get them. Just as a suggestion. Love all of you! Thank you all for making my writing flair bend beyond belief! Okay, SOOOO…._

_Someone reviewed the last chapter (Dasha, was it?), and they asked me how I actually wrote the story because she was having a hard time and such. So, my answer to that review:_

_First off, what you said about me being one of the best HG fic writers just warmed my heart up and made me feel all snuggly inside. Second, it would be a bit easier to explain how I write my stories if you had an account, but that's fine. In all honesty, I don't know how I write. Most of my ideas come from my free time when I'm lying in bed thinking. Just thinking. I can help you out with a plot thing, and if you really want, you can get an account and be my apprentice or whatever. Saying 'apprentice' sounds really cheesy… I can edit the chapters before you submit them, give you advice, etc. That may sound like a lame idea, but I'm serious. I want to help. It sounds like fun. _


	21. Chapter 21

_Do you know how HARD it is to type with your left hand only? Wow… _

**oOo**

Now with things slightly less awkward, Peeta let me stay for dinner. Well, more like I wouldn't leave until he finally offered me food. Sitting at the table with hot bowls of stew and chunks of dill bread in front of us felt good, like the old times. Neither of us said anything during the whole meal, and it was only until our bowls were scraped clean Peeta leaned back in his chair.

"It's been a while since I've made stew." He noted indifferently.

The last time I remembered actually making stew was in the Games, but I didn't say that. Since my attention was no longer on the meal, my mind had wandered. To stay or not to stay? Meaning, obviously, the concern of Peeta's offer was still suspended in the air.

Most of the weirdness from earlier had vanished, leaving me feeling perfectly fine standing up and drifting into the bathroom. I didn't need to go, so I just propped my elbows on the counter and stared at my bedraggled reflection in the mirror. Circles under my eyes, messy strands of hair sticking up every which way from my braid, cracked lips, a hollow glow in my eyes, today a dull gray instead of their usual silver.

I didn't feel like total crap, to my surprise. My heart ached, yes, but the feeling of utter despair and suicidal leanings were gone for the most part. Thoughts tangled together in my brain madly, intertwining themselves in others, making it impossible to think about one single thing. I didn't know whether to be happy or sad, to decide to be well or depressingly under par, to give in to my current feelings for Peeta or let myself mourn over Gale.

I needed a long break, away from my brain, just to sit in the grass having small-minded thoughts, perhaps with Peeta at my side.

A sudden movement at my right made my eyes flick upwards, alarmed, knocking me out of my reverie. Peeta had appeared right next to me (never mind the fact I was in the bathroom; this was normal for me) and leaned on the counter, too. He didn't wrap his arms around me and put his face in my neck, or even smooth back my hair with a hand like he usually did.

A charismatic little crease appeared between his eyebrows, but remained silent for a few seconds. "This is probably a bad time, and maybe even ludicrous judging by what happened last time, but I'm open for a walk in the town or the woods if you want to talk about anything."

For a split second I mulled this over, and after deeming it harmless, I stood up a bit straighter, pulling my elbows off the bathroom counter. "Let's go."

Though nothing was said as we walked out of the house, a mutual agreement of avoiding the woods spread between us. Peeta and I didn't hold hands, and didn't even talk for the longest time. We passed people at different shops, chatting quietly to one another, sharing ideas and pieces of gossip. Most of them ignored me and Peeta, though the occasional head turned to stare at us. We were famous; it was no news to me.

At the opposite edge of the town, maybe an hour later, the tree line loomed 'hello' at us sooner than I expected. Peeta and I paused under a wide fan of tree branches. Here it was more melted and less slushy. In fact, there was one patch completely dry, brown grass stuck to the ground. It was there we wordlessly sat.

Breathing in the sweet scent of springtime, I leaned back on my hands to stare up at the sky. It was covered mostly with thin, puffy clouds, but where the sky shone through it was a brilliant blue.

Peeta settled down next to me, leaning back the way I did. His fingers covered mine. "Like I said before, if there's anything you want to talk about…" He glanced over at me with a sort of, sympathetic half–smile on.

"There's nothing really to talk about." Not unkindly, I drew my hand back from his and pulled my knees into my chest. "I just…" Cold air rushed into my lungs involuntarily. I let it back out slowly. "Visions keep flashing in my head; memories for before. Some of them real and horrid, some of them just made up. The few minutes before I blew up the gunpowder. The day before I got the surgery done. Flashes of old tributes in my head. Gale. Alexis. Madge. Your family. They all died because of me." I rested my chin on my knees. "All of them."

Peeta didn't risk taking my hand again, but he sat up as well and gently pressed the side of his body to mine comfortingly. "No, they didn't."

A lump was building in my throat again, and I swallowed it down. "But I could have stopped their deaths. They could have been alive today. Alive and well."

"Katniss, everything happens for a reason, and none of them was your fault. Every death that has happened after we were reaped played an important part of getting us where we are now. If every single thing that had happened hadn't happened, we wouldn't be sitting here right now. We might still be in District 13, or trapped in the Capitol with President Snow torturing us, or even dead. I know it's hard, I know it hurts. But would you rather everyone be dead?" He touched a finger to my cheek, so gently I could barely feel it. "It's your fault we're all _alive_."

It seemed like this happened often, Peeta making such a good point it made me angry. I buried my eyes in my knees. "But Gale's dead. I never imagined having to sacrifice him for everyone else's freedom. If I did save them all, couldn't I have something in return?" I looked up, tears shining in my eyes. "Is the life of my best friend too much to ask?"

With a sympathetic moan, Peeta's arm went around me and I was squeezed against his side. "That's war, love. I'm not saying I mind. It's killing me to watch you be this hurt, but war is not fair or merciful. I say we should be lucky to have each other. I didn't expect even this to happen, you and me living to see the day we'd be sitting on the grass back at home with the Capitol done and gone."

Neither did I, to be honest. We were lucky to have this much after what happened. For a moment more I was quiet. "Did I tell you what President Snow said about Alexis before I killed him?"

Funny enough, I was able to say her name. Before, it hurt so much just _thinking _about my daughter and her death, I couldn't even say those three little syllables. It still hurt, but suppressed, covered by fresh hurt.

Peeta brushed my hair away from my neck. "What did he say?"

"He didn't tell the doctor to kill her. Dr. Longarden was also a spy, more…professional then my prep team I suppose." I said that so casually, I nearly surprised myself. "But Snow played no part in Alexis' death. He was supposed to take her for himself for more experiments or whatever, but for some reason Dr. Longarden felt the urge to actually kill her."

There was a moment of silence.

"Just thought you ought to know." My attention was turned back to the yellowish grass, and I began plucking strands from the cold ground to distract me, and hopefully cool the upset feeling in my gut and throat.

Peeta remained soundless, his fingers making subconscious circles on the back of my neck, sending shivers running down my spine. Finally, he brought his hand back away from my neck and curled it again around my waist. "There's always tomorrow, you know. We have time now to consider these things before they're pushed upon us."

I knew what he was talking about, but my mind was too full to think of anything that major right now. But instead of plunging in to that topic, I just turned my head sideways on my knees. "Yeah."

Several times, Peeta opened his mouth to say something but closed it again. After ten minutes, he stood up. "It's getting late. We should be going."

He helped me up, except I didn't let go of his hand. It helped keep me steady as we walked. Again, feelings bubbled inside me, again turning to the question that was asked earlier.

This time it took only forty-five minutes to get from our patch of grass to Peeta's doorstep. We stood there, unsure what to say.

Peeta was especially unsure. He didn't want to insult me or scare me off, still precautious of my sanity. He bit his lip and swayed towards his door and away again. But it was me who spoke first.

"Hey, Peeta?"

He seemed grateful for something to occupy the dreadfully awkward silence. "Yeah?"

"I've thoughts about your question you asked earlier."

"And?" Another darling crease appeared between his eyebrows.

My eyes wandered around, finally resting on his face. "I still don't know what I really want, and I may never, but it's hard to think of 'the long run' right now. But I decided I want to stay with you and try to be normal for now, doing my best not to lament _too _much over things I can't change."

The relief spreading Peeta's smile across his face was just…gah. I had no problem accepting his hug and leaning gratefully against the familiar shape of his chest. Hands went into my hair, smoothing it back again and again.

"I had to admit I was a bit worried there for a bit." He said, pressing his cheek against the top of my head. "I wouldn't put running away from civilization into the woods past you."

"Nah." There was no way I was letting go of this boy any time soon. The muscles in my legs were beginning to shake, and I was going to collapse if it weren't for the strong arms around me. "I love you too much." Though the statement was foolish and true t the same time, I felt guilty to Mother and Primrose for not including them on the list of people I love, but if I list everyone, the special feeling would be lost.

A weak laugh shook Peeta's chest. "You have no idea how much I've missed you saying that."

It's been six months since I whispered the words into half-asleep Peeta's ear and gotten a mumbled reply back. I felt like repeating it over and over right now, but I refrained from doing so. "Well, you have no idea how much I've missed feeling it."

Silence followed for a few minutes when we just stood on the porch wrapped in each others' arms as the sun dipped below the horizon, fading pink streaks disappearing rapidly. Then Peeta spoke.

"I guess it wouldn't be too weird of an offer for you to stay the night, would it?" He took a tiny step back to be able to see my face.

I shook my head. "I would have stayed even if you didn't ask."

Something tickled my cheek, and I thought it was just a strand of hair, so I swept my finger back to my ear, but it wasn't my hair. Again, I touched my cheekbone and felt it cold and wet. If I had a dime for every time I caught myself crying without realizing it…

Wordlessly, Peeta took my hand and tugged me into the warmth and light of his house, shutting the door behind us. Our hands remained linked the entire time we climbed the stairs (really hard, seeing as how they were narrow) and without even bothering to change into pajamas, I crawled into Peeta's bed next to him. But I couldn't find myself thinking it was enough just to be wrapped in his arms. It's not like I could morph into his skin exactly, but I was surprised when Peeta slid back against the headboard and motioned for me to climb onto his lap.

Having the feeling of déjà-vu sweep over me was comforting and weird at the same time. Kind of like a bowl of really delicious pasta. The texture is all squirmy, but makes every other part of you happy.

I scooted into Peeta's lap and felt his arms twine around me from behind. His knees bent on either side of me and it was only until then, I realized truly how much I missed him.

This was not something Gale could have given me. He was too fueled with rage, too firm and unyielding. I needed someone less like me to balance it out. Peeta was gentle and compassionate, easing the worst of my indiscretion. We push and pulled each others' existence, and Gale would have never been able to accomplish that, even if we spent years together. Never would we have been completely happy.

Out of nowhere, a sob built itself in my throat and I only had time to cover my mouth before it spilt out in a wave of emotion and tears. My body trembled as visions of my old best friend flooded my mind, burning an uncontrollable scar across the path of my memory. Emotional pain like fire raced through my veins and it was all Peeta's arms could do to keep me from losing it. I was crumbling into nothingness, and every part of my pain was underestimated. Peeta would never understand.

But, nevertheless, he held me tightly as I cried. He whispered words of comfort in my ear as I cried, too weak to do anything but. It was times like these that fed my foolish suicidal leanings. The feeling of the lack of self-control, the completely hopelessness of ever feeling happy again. I had Peeta, I had my family, but why was I still feeling like a giant hole was punched through my heart? Nothing could ever fixed me, numb the pain…

Except, of course, when Peeta kisses me. Immediately, my brain melted through my ears and only the sound of my pounding heart thrummed in my ears. I trembled, but it was easier to control my heartbeat. The fire in my chest was being quelled almost forcefully, as if a forest fire being snuffed by water, only to have the forest be destroyed by the liquid. It was a nice liquid, though.

Peeta kept his mouth firm on mine, fingers working gently in my hair. The tears were almost gone, as if by magic, but I was no doubt going to cry again if he didn't stop soon.

My lungs suddenly decided they didn't need oxygen. The urge to breath no longer sprang up in my mind, but unfortunately, it did for him. Peeta pulled away, panting, but his hands remained in my hair, his eyes locked on mine. I noticed his were wet as well.

I was going to cry again, I just knew it. I was going to burst out into tears and Peeta'll just have to kiss me again, and we'll go around in circles like this until one of us explodes. But unfortunately, there was no exploding today, because I only had time to register the shine in his beautiful blue irises before he had closed his eyes and leaned forwards to kiss me once more. But this time, it was gentle.

Peeta's mouth parted beneath mine and for a second I could taste his hot breath in my own throat. It threatened to engulf me, to swallow me up until I was carried off into oblivion, just me and Peeta. Sparks flying, bodies pressed close together, I wanted nothing more than to be with him. He made all my pain vanish into thin air, and I needed it like an oh-so-addictive drug. And that's what he was.

When we pulled away, I forced myself not to look into Peeta's eyes as I crawled off his lap and under the covers next to him. My eyelids were shut tight against the fabric of his shirt, and, like many times, he just tucked the blankets up to my chin and kissed my forehead. "Sleep tight, love."

And I did. Well, for a while.

**oOo**

_Oh boy. I shouldn't have written this at 2:30 in the morning… I couldn't stop giggling my butt off because all the fluff was just too much. PHEW. It's going to be hard to sleep, thinking about making out with Peeta all night. Teehee… I'm in a weird mood right now, so if any of you paid too much attention to the pasta joke, I'm laughing like CRAZY right now because of it. And the funny thing is that I haven't had any coffee today. Actually, the stuff is gross … RAMBLE ALERT. Shutting up. Anyways, please review! You know you want to. _


	22. Chapter 22

_I tried painting my whole face red with this cheap-o face paint. Don't. EVER. I'll be sneezing red goo out for a MONTH. _

**oOo**

I was in the forest, like most of my dreams. A creek ran nearby, burbling effortlessly over shiny wet rocks. I knew this place; it was hard to miss its familiarity. Gale and I used to fish here. His nets would be tied up to these rocks here, and we'd check our snares a little ways off. But even though I knew where I was, at the same time I didn't.

All of the colors—greens on trees, light blue in the sky, mossy brown, red fish, golden sunlight—seemed to glow even brighter than before. Every hue was amplified and shone so brightly it almost hurt my head. Something about this seemed so…unreal.

I took a cautious step forwards and knelt by the stream to cup some of the rippling silver water in my hands. It gathered willingly upon my fingers and I drank. A wave of nausea gripped me and I spewed all the water back out. It tasted like sewage. Ugh. Still wiping the taste from my mouth, I turned around. The world before me had changed.

The details on the rich colors all around me suddenly stood out, screaming at me. The brilliant red robins perched in the trees were just sitting there, eye's slit and bodies frozen. They remained unmoving.

The glossy brown of the earth seemed to writhe around, pulling in and pulling out with every ragged breath Mother Nature took.

Almost afraid, I looked up at the sky. It was still blue, but more like someone had stretched a canvas over the heavens and splattered neon blue paint over it. Bumps and smears shone through the chloroform sun.

It was all I could do not to scream. My body twisted around frantically the opposite direction to run away, but instead, I ran face-first into someone. Rubbing my forehead and feeling the pounding of my heart, I opened my eyes to see Gale. His face was contorted and his eyes looked down at me. Like everything else, the shades of his body were augmented, too. But even past the jet-black hair and the flawless olive skin, the brilliant silver of his eyes spoke to me the most. But, like everything else, I saw through.

"What are you doing here, Katniss?" Gale said, and his voice sounded far away, maybe as if we were on opposite ends and speaking through a long plastic tube.

I swallowed. "It's just a dream." I reminded myself, taking a tiny step backwards. The ecstatic feeling in my gut from the sight of my dead best friend had vanished, now replaced with fear.

"Of course. Nothing can hurt you." Though the words seemed nice, Gale spoke them harshly at me and shifted his bow to point past me.

The arrow flew through the air like a dagger. It spun towards a hunched figure a ways off, as if in slow motion, and I only had time to cry out before a sickening thud echoed around us. I ran towards where the arrow had landed.

A tiny girl lay sprawled on the churning earth, motionless except for a trickle of red blood rolling down her lip. But instead of an arrow sticking grotesquely out of her heart, a single white butterfly sat on her breast, wings swaying slightly in the breeze.

"Why did you do that?" I demanded, turning back to Gale with rage in my chest. Though I didn't act as I would have if my best friend just shot an innocent little girl.

"One in the same." He said, bending down to gather the girl into his shoulder bag.

"B-But she had a life, a family! You can just pull her away from that!" I attempted to reach out for the bag, with intentions of maybe saving the girl. "You had no reason to kill a little girl!"

Gale stopped and turned to me, making sure he was a good distance away. His eyes sparkled with malice. "And you don't think anyone else did? All those people you killed, Katniss? The ones who got _worse _than killed?"

My heart was hammering soundlessly in my chest and I shook, but held my head bravely. "That wasn't my fault. Everything happened for a reason, and-and if anything had happened differently, thousands more would be dead." I just repeated what Peeta had told me, which, miraculously, I remembered.

"Better dead than torn apart." Gale hissed, dropping the bag to the ground with a sneer. "They had it lucky. It was quick. Maybe even painless."

I felt very small, and very afraid. "The doctors said your death was painless, too."

His black hair whipped around his head as he turned away from me. "Is a broken heart so much better than death? Does it bring comfort to you to know I finally got to get away from all that? Watching you, never being more than a monster to you?"

A shiver raked my body and I took another step back. "You were never a monster."

"Wasn't I?" Gale grimaced, spiteful, and cast his silver-chip eyes down at the bag laying on the forest floor. "You did that, you know. You killed her."

"I watched you shoot an arrow in her chest!" I protested. "I didn't even have a bow!"

"Did you see the arrow in her chest?" He tilted his chin up, much like a lion before its kill. "It was you, Katniss. You don't need a weapon to kill. Your words alone brought hundreds—_thousands—_to their death. We don't need physical proof to know you're dangerous. But still, we have it."

A sob raised in my throat. "I saved them. I saved everyone from a fate worse than death and you know it. Just because I chose Peeta—"

"Chose him?" Gale looked spitefully incredulous. "Chose him? No, Katniss. You didn't just choose him." He shook his head. "You shattered me. You threw away something good you had for a boys' charming smile. You gave into their little ploy and decided to fall in love with _him._ You chose to be with _him._ You trusted everything he said, everything that happened. You believed his words when he said he loved you. You let yourself believe he loves you. After all we've been through, you decide to betray me. You could say he taught you to love, that you learned to love him. Yet I've loved you for twice as long, and you turned your back on the best thing that could have happened. It's almost as if you wanted everyone to die. You aren't a savior. You're bad for humanity."

There was a moment of painful silence when I breathed in the air, which had grown sickly sweet.

"Every death that has happened happed because of you and your decisions. You never had to love him. I have known you and loved you for years, and this is how you repay me?" Gale picked up the bag and slung it over his shoulder. "Time to pay back what you had lost long ago, Katniss Everdeen. And only then you'll see what you had once you lost it."

Gale turned his back to me and walked away.

The world under me swayed, and I felt myself falling forwards into the earth, which swallowed me up into blackness.

I woke up gasping for air and drenched in sweat. My chest was heaving and my heart was hammering uncontrollably, but it took no time registering where I was. And it took no time throwing off the covers. I stood up hastily, but let out a scream of shock as something grazed my wrist. Whirling around, I saw Peeta. His hand was still outstretched.

"Katniss, what's the matter?" He said, voice slightly slurred with the leftover sleep.

I backed away hastily and found myself shrinking against a wall in fright. The words Gale had said repeated themselves over and over in my head, slicing into my every being. Sweat stuck my hair to the back of my neck as I stood there trembling like a leaf.

Peeta got up out of bed and made his way over to me, hand still outstretched. Again, I flinched away and avoided his touch by dropping onto the floor and scrambling away from him, eyes wide with fright. He didn't make a move to touch me again, though.

I jammed my fists in my eyes crying, trying to get rid of the words branded in the backs of my eyelids. _Time to pay back what you had lost long ago, Katniss Everdeen. And only then you'll see what you had once you lost it._ What did he mean?

A hand swept a strand of sticky hair away from my neck and I winced away. "D-Don't… I can't…" Tears poured down my face as I clutched my elbows to myself.

But still, he insisted on wrapping an arm around my waist. With a cry, I shot up and backed into the opposite wall.

Peeta stared at me helplessly. "What's the matter, Katniss? Please," He took a hesitant step towards me, holding out his hand. "Tell me."

"I can't…" I swallowed, tears never ceasing. "I can't keep hurting you. I have to…I have to go. I can't keep doing this." In a watery trance, I detached myself from the wall and began walking towards the door. But arms wrapped around me, halting my steps.

"Not before you tell me." Peeta held his gaze resolutely with my own.

Though I was still trembling, I managed to get it out around shaky tears. "Gale hates me, Peeta. He hates me not just for choosing you, but for trusting you and he said-he said that I am bad for everyone, and I need to pay back what I took from everyone when all those people died. He said it was because of me, and…and no one needs physical evidence of the harm I've done. My words are enough to kill of an entire country. And I almost did…"

"It was just a dream, Katniss." Peeta pulled me into his chest and cradled me there for a second. "It wasn't real, and that was a lie. Don't believe anything he said for a second."

I was quiet. "He said having a broken heart is worse than death. And he was glad to leave. I put him out of the misery I caused."

His mouth opened to say something, but I pulled away from him before he could.

"Don't. Just…don't. I should go home." Fighting back another surge of emotion, I tugged away from Peeta and walked out, not able to see the helpless, tortured face of Peeta as I left.

Well, tried to leave.

I only made it down to the living room before my legs gave way and I feel to my knees on the carpet, clutching my arms to my chest. Thankfully, Peeta had been following me, so he was right there beside me.

"You don't have to leave," He said into my hair when I huddled against him for the billionth time. "Please, Katniss, stay here. It's the middle of the night. Stay with me."

I rubbed my eyes, not crying, but just completely and utterly exhausted. "I have to…I have to talk to Primrose. And I need more clothes. Mine are covered in sweat from my nightmare."

"Prim's probably asleep. It's three in the morning. And I could lend you some of my clothes if you want." Peeta always had an answer, and was so gentleman-like about it. Sometimes it made me feel like a monster.

It's not like I didn't borrow his clothes very much. Just half the time he dresses me in them after one of my oh-so-often meltdowns. So I just got up, ignoring my shaky legs, and let Peeta lead me by the hand back up to his room.

I waited as he pulled a spare T-shirt and a pair of pants from his closet, and when he handed them to me, I was too tired to go into the bathroom to change. So I just stripped my sweaty shirt and trousers there.

It didn't matter, of course, that I undress in front of Peeta. It wasn't like we hadn't _seen _each other before. Heck, we've done a lot more than "see" each other, but that's an entirely different story I don't enjoy thinking about. But anyways, I pulled on the clean, worn clothes and sat on the bed. Peeta sat next to me and was silent for a minute.

"Those are some killer scars you have." He attempted casualness—and maybe even humor—but I could see through him. My special little talent…  
"Yeah." It didn't bother me—oddly enough—that Peeta had been watching me. Well, it did a tiny bit, but not much. I rubbed my temples. "For the first few months it hurt like crazy. I couldn't use any of my abdomen muscles because if I did, the grafted skin would tear and I would bleed for hours. The scars…" I threw a crooked grimace in his direction.

Peeta just nodded, pensively gazing at me, but not actually aware.

I reached up to touch the grafted skin through my shirt and felt it rough through the cotton material. No matter how many years passed, I would never get use to it. It made me so changed, different from the girl I used to be. Frowning slightly, I leaned back on the headboard.

My fingers tugged up the edge of my shirt, running the tips along the jagged marks. I could feel them, like Braille on my skin, the raised surface of the marks. And, again like Braille, I was able to read it to an extent. I knew which ones had come about, which ones that had healed first and which ones took the longest to stop hurting. When you were stuck in the hospital for months at end, there wasn't much to do besides keep track of your wounds. I'm half-surprised I didn't name them.

To my surprised, when I paused my finger on a particularly nasty scar, a hand reached over to cover my own. When I looked up, Peeta had his eyes locked to mine with a sympathetic look on. He didn't say anything, though. I looked away from him, back down to my exposed, disfigured abdomen.

The scar ran thick and diagonally across my belly button. It was white and slightly more ragged than the others, and I knew why. The day I got it flooded into my mind. It wasn't one I liked to remember. I was being a little too raucous for my pregnant self to like, and I upset the unborn child in me, earning a one-way trip to the hospital to get knocked out and cut open. A day or two after I got out, the wound tore open again and Peeta himself patched it up; that's why it wasn't uniform and straight like most of the others.

Peeta seemed to have remembered that as well, because he touched the tip of his finger to the scar. Eyes shining with wetness, he leaned over and pressed his lips, very gently, to tip the mark. I didn't care. I was on the verge of crying as well.

When he pulled away, his eyes were still wet. Saying nothing at all, Peeta tugged my shirt down and settled in the covers next to me.

"'Night, Peeta." I twined my fingers with his and closed my eyes, having the weight of sleep pull my head onto Peeta's shoulder.

To the sounds of each others' breathing, we cried ourselves silently to sleep, too exhausted to do anything but.

**oOo**

_Having a week off school had done good things for this story. I feel very constructive right now. This length for chapters is okay, right? It's like three times as long as the first 30 chapters of Lo and Behold. I think I'm staying in the 2,000-3,500 rang. It's good, right? Don't forget to review. :D _


	23. Chapter 23

_Sorry if this chapter happened to suddenly, but I think its timing was perfect. ^.^ For those that are light-hearted and don't feel like witnessing a slightly gruesome birth, feel free to skip to the end. Because it is gruesome. Graphic. Detailed. An average human birth. Whatever you'd like to call it._

**oOo**

We woke up at 10 (due to lack of sleep) in the morning, very rudely, by harsh knocking on the bedroom door. I groggily lifted up my head off Peeta's shoulder to find I had a painful crick in my neck. But between on second and the next I realized what that meant. Someone was inside the house at the bedroom door, and here I was in Peeta's bed wearing his clothes. That must look really, really bad.

I scrambled off the bed and looked around frantically for ideas. Peeta just cast me a peculiar look and went to get the door. I sidestepped into the bathroom and closed the door after me, face red with embarrassment, hoping it wasn't my mother.

The sound of the bedroom door opening reached my ears and I heard Peeta's surprise in his voice.

"Haymitch! What are you doing here?" He only sounded a teeny bit irked.

"Katniss has been called back to District 13 for an urgent matter. She wasn't at her house, I thought I might check in with you." Haymitch seemed out of breath and edgy. "We need her _right now._"

"For what?" It was plain and clear in Peeta's voice he was heavily debating whether or not to tell him I was hiding in his bathroom.

"It's Annie. She's in labor and won't let a single doctor even touch her. She wants Katniss to deliver the baby."

My jaw dropped to the floor and an idea popped up into my head, stupid, but might work. I reached over and turned the shower on. Over the noise of the water, I heard Peeta catch on with my plan.

"Sorry, Haymitch she just stepped into the shower. I'll get her." He walked right up next to the door and yelled at me over the noise. "Katniss you need to come back out, Haymitch needs you!"

This might have been fun if I hadn't been running on pure embarrassed adrenaline. _Annie's baby is coming and-and if I don't hurry…_

"There's a spare pair of my clothes on the cabinet since you already put yours in the washer!" Peeta, again, saved me and I quickly stuck my head under the spray of water to get my hair wet and then turned off the faucet.

Sparing a second or two to "pull the clothes on", I stepped out, hoping my red face would pass for 'scrubbed clean'.

Haymitch gave me a familiar exasperated look. "You could've saved us some time, sweetheart. We need to hurry."

Borrowed shorts and T-shirt with no supportive undershirt was hardly acceptable for delivering a child, but I had no time to object before my wrist was grabbed and I was being yanked out the door. And before I knew it, I was being tossed roughly into an awaiting hovercraft, being rammed in between Peeta and my old mentor. The bruises surely will show up tomorrow.

In no time, the hovercraft had taken off and I had time to breath. "Is it really _that _big of emergency?" I panted to Haymitch with an annoyed look. "Women could be in labor for _days _before the baby actually comes. Was all the shoving necessary?"

Haymitch opened his mouth with a look that suggested a very good reasoning, then he shut it with a frown. "Two in the morning Finnick came running in to the hospital claiming she started having contractions. The doctors came rushing, but she screamed for them to get out. She refused to let them do as much as check on her without you there."

I briefly rubbed my eyes. "I don't think I've ever delivered without my mother's help."

"But you know how to, right?" Peeta cast me an uncertain glance. Even unconditional love doesn't stop him from doubting my abilities.

"Yeah." That was all I said.

For twenty long minutes, I sat, cramped, anticipating the hours to come. I didn't question my capability of delivering a child unassisted. It's just that if something went wrong I'd be 100% at fault. Banishing that horrid thought, I watched out the window at the uneven shapes of the ground as we approached District 13.

The hovercraft slowed and descended into the hole opening up in the ground. It was sickeningly familiar, but I tried to hold my head high and stay somewhat sane for the sake of everyone else.

A group of people—hovercraft managers, doctors, people there to see the infamous Mockingjay indeed alive, guards—were waiting when we touched down. When I crawled out of the craft after Haymitch, half of the group fell to their knees and started crying. My name was yelled, sobbed, cried over and over. I had almost forgotten I had saved them all. Not.

The doctors and guards shooed the people away and I was escorted briskly through a set of tall metal doors. Peeta walked by my side the whole time, there but not interfering with my all-business mood. Haymitch disappeared soon after leaving the hovercraft, so it was just us and our escorts.

There were two doctors—presumably higher-up—in front of me, leading the way to the room Annie was staying in. They remained stiff-backed and unspeaking, which was okay with me. I was busy preparing myself.

I was ushered down a hall, and abruptly stopped at the first room. One of the doctors, short and muscular, beckoned me inside. Heart pounding with nerves, I took a breath and stepped inside. No one except Peeta followed, and I was fine with that.

The scene in the room both frightened me and made my heart melt into my shoes. Annie was laying flat in a hospital bed, wrapped in a thin purple gown down to her knees. Her brown hair was sticking to her pale forehead with sweat, chest heaving up and down with every frantic breath. Finnick was there at her side, pressing a wet washcloth to her forehead, holding her white-knuckled hand.

When they heard the door open, Annie and Finnick's sea green eyes flicked up to me and Finnick let out a breath of relief. Taking a second to squeeze his wife's hand, Finnick stood up and greeted me.

"Thanks for coming on such short notice. This has really been…" He ran a finger through his too-long copper hair. Circles were painted under his eyes, marking exactly how tired the poor guy was. "Stressful. Really, really stressful. Annie hasn't let anyone except me touch her, and I'm no doctor. I'm grateful." The words, unlike most times, didn't seem too painful for him to say.

I gave him a genuine smile. "No, I'm glad to do this. Get away. Is it okay if…?" Glancing behind me at Peeta then back at Finnick hesitantly.

Finnick then glanced at Annie, who swallowed, then nodded.

After that was cleared up, l, Like any good doctor, began with a thorough hand-washing. Next to the modern metal sink was a stack of boxes that held various sizes of rubber gloves. I took a pair of 'smalls' and pulled them on. I've never liked rubber gloves and never wore them, but this was no doubt going to be messy, and I guessed it was just proper as a doctor. Annie should have asked Prim or Mother, though. They were the real doctors in this family.

On the walls were funny white-plastic aprons meant specifically for these…situations. Feeling extremely self-conscious in my borrowed shorts and shirt, I tied the smock around my waist. Once it was securely knotted and my hair was pulled back in a band, I walked cautiously over to Annie, who seemed to be in between contractions.

Annie lifted her eyes up to me. "Katniss… Thanks." Her voice was strong, but it seemed like she was using a lot of breath for her words.

I took one of her hands in my plastic-gloved ones and gave it a reassuring squeeze. "It's my pleasure. I worried I was too late."

"No." With her free hand, she tucked a sweaty lock of hair behind her ear. "I had my-my first contraction in the middle of the night, and it-it woke me up. But after I was settled in the hospital bed, another one didn't come until five. They keep getting closer and c—"

Annie's abdomen tightened suddenly, and she let out a small groan of pain. Her hand tightened around mine and for a second she laid there, back arched grotesquely. A few more seconds passed and she relaxed again, breathing heavily.

I swallowed slightly and kept hold of her hand even though my fingers may have shattered. "We need to keep track of them, okay?" I told Annie. "When they get a minute apart…" My eyes flicked up to the clock on the wall and I judged what time it was, only to have a base time when the next happened.

"Okay." Annie's eyes trailed down to her stomach and she placed a hand there. "I can…I can feel him moving." Her mouth twitched up into a smile and she glanced at Finnick. "Strong little guy."

Finnick lifted his hand to cup the side of her face and I immediately felt invasive. Letting go of Annie's hand, I took a step back. Peeta, who was standing awkwardly behind me, took a step forwards and put his arm comfortingly around my shoulders.

"You're doing great." He assured me, pressing his lips to my cheek.

"The worst hasn't even started yet…" I let a sigh escape me, and I picked at the rubbed seam of my glove. "Maybe you'd want to wait outside. There is no doubt it's going to be extremely graphic."

Though he looked hesitant, Peeta stood firm. "I want to stay with you. I've never seen a baby born." A thoughtful look appeared in the blue irises.

Haha. I grinned. "You're missing out."

"Was that sarcasm?"

"Not at all." And it was true. "It's beautiful, the first time a baby cries. You want nothing more th—"

I was immediately cut off by a pained cry building itself in Annie's throat. She clutched her stomach feverishly, and I was there by her side in a split-second. As she convulsed, I glanced up at the clock. Four minutes.

Finnick was holding Annie's hand in both of his, and he looked at me. "How close?"

As I freshened the washcloth with new water, I answered him. "When they get closer than a minute or so, she needs to push, but not too hard. When the head is clear, that is when…" The contraction had passed, leaving Annie sweating even more. I put the cloth on her forehead. "That's when she needs to push as hard as possible. And soon you'll have Jace in your arms…"

Both Annie and Finnick looked elated hearing their unborn child's name. After frowning slightly, I went back to Peeta's side.

A vision flooded in my head and I was suddenly not the person standing up and doctoring. I was laying in the bed, holding Peeta's hand as the spasms rippled through _my _body. I never had the chance to experience that with Alexis. She…wasn't normal. I didn't get the usual eight months gestation period, or the agonizing hours in the hospital, or the ability to hear her first cry or change her first diaper. I never got that.

Again, Peeta had wrapped his arm around me since I wasn't busy with Annie. He rubbed consoling circles on my back and I wondered what it would be like to have a baby with him…

"What's that face for?" Peeta's voice was highly amused.

I glanced at him, only then aware of the contorted expression. "Um—nothing." I turned my attention back to Annie and Finnick. They were standing there, motionless, hands on each other's faces, looking exhausted but doting.

For a minute more Peeta and I stood there, bodies pressed together, but the peace didn't last long. Finnick had reached over to refresh the cloth again, but just when he turned the tap on, Annie cried out his name. Everyone except Peeta rushed to her side.

In my head, I calculated that this one was lasting slightly longer than the last, but only by a few seconds. Annie whimpered and her breathing grew rapid. This lasted for seven seconds, but on the eighth she calmed down. Finnick was trying to comfort her, but she glanced over at me instead.

"H-How long was that?" She panted, her body slowly relaxing. "Is there… How long?"

I gripped her hand. "Two minutes. I think the next one… You'll have to prepare to push, okay?"

Annie nodded.

But we all prepared ourselves, not just her. I fixed the blanket across her legs, pulling it up to her thighs. Finnick flexed his hand, which had been gripped with no mercy. No doubt there are going to be some bruises in a few minutes.

I glanced back at Peeta, who seemed to be considering whether or not to stay. When I walked up next to him, he squeezed my hand. "Are you sure it's okay for me to stay?"

"It's fine." Though I hoped he would have the…decency to find a better spot than right opposite her. It _is _a birth, after all.

Peeta bent his head close to mine with a frown, and opened his mouth to say something, but it was interrupted.

"Forty five seconds?" Breath whooshed out of my lungs and I scrambled away from Peeta to the edge of the bed, leaving him with a weird face on. "Here we go…"

Annie's eyes wheeled up to me and she gripped my hand tightly. "Is it—?" She whimpered and bit her lip as a tight convulsion rippled her body. She panted heavily, and the convulsion didn't stop. "Should I…?"

"Yes, Annie." I nodded at her, hoping through the tears she saw. "Push now, but not too hard."

Tears cut tracks on her cheeks as she did, moaning in pain. "It-It's…" Her chest heaved madly, but the rippling didn't stop. Swallowing my fear, I gently bent her legs at the knees and positioned myself in front of her.

"I know it hurts…" I said softly. I'd watched many births my mother has helped with. A good third of the women grew deathly sick or died during birth, but I didn't mention that.

For a moment Annie relaxed, but I flicked my eyes up to her quickly. "No, Annie, don't stop. Keep pushing, you can do it."

She whimpered, but did as I told her.

Slowly, the head of the baby could be seen through a layer of bloody white gloss. Halfway out, my heart began speeding up. I looked up at Finnick. "She needs to push now. _Now._"

Finnick held Annie's hand tightly.

"Now push, Annie!" We both said. "As hard as you can."

Annie was now howling, tears pouring down her face, but she kept obeying us. Tremors raked her body as the infant was more and more visible. With one last scream, the infant slithered out into my awaiting hands.

As quickly as I could, I grabbed a towel hanging up and wiped the nose and mouth clear. With a gurgle, the baby opened his mouth and started crying.

My heart thudded unevenly and I wanted so much to take this child and run away with it, cradle it to my chest and love it to pieces forever. But it wasn't mine.

I found spare blankets in a cabinet and wrapped a blue one around the child gently. He squirmed and twitched in my arms, crying out for food. Holding him gently, I walked over to Annie, who had her hands lifted weakly, awaiting the first touch of her child. I folded him into her arms and Annie started crying.

"Jace…" She wept, holding the infant to her. Finnick, who was crying too (I've barely ever seen him do that), sat on the edge of the bed and put his arms around the both of them.

It was a mess everywhere, blood all over Annie's legs and the bed, tracked footprints of crimson on the floor. I took this as a good time to leave. Pulling off the gloves and tossing them in the , I pulled off the apron and turned to Peeta. His eyes were shining, and he was still staring at the happy family crying in unison on the opposite side of the room.

Peeta's arm went around me and I was brought from the room into the silence of the hallway. It was only until the absence of yelling and weeping, I realized I was crying, too. Tears were falling down my face, dripping onto the borrowed clothing I was no longer embarrassed over.

I was pulled against Peeta's chest, and sobbed into his shoulder. I don't know why I was crying.

Maybe it was because I just delivered my good friends' child unassisted.

Maybe it was because the sense of life was so pure and good I could just _feel _the small, fragile soul being pulled into this world, crying, free from the warmth of the mothers' womb.

Maybe it was because I wanted so badly to have a child of my own, to experience what I never got to. But I was so afraid…

We stood there for what seemed like an hour, but in reality it was only about half of that.

The door behind me and Peeta opened again and I pulled away, wiping my eyes. Finnick was standing there, fresh tracks of tears still on his face. But he looked nothing less than happy.

"Annie wants to talk to you." He said. I began walking towards the door, but when Peeta started to follow me, Finnick held out his finger. "Just Katniss, though. Don't look so wounded, lover-boy." He grinned, though lacking arrogance. "She doesn't want me there either."

He stepped aside, letting me go in. After flashing Peeta an apologetic look, I closed the door behind me.

Annie was looking slightly better, the sweat washed from her face and most of the blood was cleaned up. She just looked so exhausted. I pulled a chair up next to the bed and sat down.

Jace was suckling right now, tiny fists kneading his mothers' breast like a kitten. He was making small grunting noises that I found absolutely adorable. It was almost impossible to tear my eyes away from him.

"Thank you, Katniss." Annie smiled tiredly at me, shifting baby Jace in her arms. "It couldn't have been more perfect."

"Really, Annie, I was glad to do it." That was nothing but the truth.

Jace, who was done sucking, was now squirming slightly in his mothers' arms, making tiny whining noises.

Annie glanced down at her child with a loving look on. Then she glanced back up at me. "Do you want to hold him?"

Swallowing past the lump in my throat, I just nodded, afraid that if I tried speaking it'd come out in a howl and I'd frighten them. Carefully, I slid my arms around the frail form of the infant and held him to my chest, sitting back down. He grunted and stretched his teensy hands up and me and tried searching for more food.

I let out a small laugh and slipped my finger into his hand. Tiny fingers wrapped around it. "There's no food there." I said to him in a coo, gentle. "You're going to be disappointed."

Annie laughed, too. "Isn't he perfect?"

"He is…" I held up his head with my hand and rocked him softly, feeling the tiny thrum of his heart beneath my fingertips. I paused. "How did you do it?" I looked up at Annie. "How did you make the decision?"

Her face grew less amused, eyes sympathetic. "I don't know…" She knew what I meant. "I knew I wanted him. I guess that is the first thing I needed to be certain of."

I nodded. In my head, I was keeping track of what she said. If I was completely honest with myself, I would say I wanted one, too. I was just scared admitting it. "But… You're now in charge of a whole human life. Doesn't the thought of failing ever…frighten you?"

"It does. But I have confidence." Annie looked thoughtful. "Think of all the things you've accomplished. Thinking of that, and how much one person can love another, do you really think you'd let yourself fail?"

Heh, no. I wouldn't let myself. But accidents happen… I told this to her, shifting the tiny infant in my arms.

"Everyone makes mistakes. Think of all the things _your _mother did. She wasn't perfect, surely. Yet here you are, leading your own life, saving entire countries."

My mouth twitched into a weak smile. "Only one." But I liked how much sense she was making. Maybe talking to her long enough would convince me not to be such a chicken.

"And you aren't completely in charge." Annie reached over and touched her finer to Jace's cheek. He let out a small whine. "They are their own selves, too brilliant and alive to let you mess up. They can correct your mistakes just as much as their own."

Nodding slightly, I took a second to comprehend this. She made so much sense it was painful. Knowing it was just barely out of grasp, but in sight. I'm positive Peeta wouldn't say no if I asked. More than positive.

Jace whimpered in my arms and I gave him back to his mother. Immediately, he latched back on and kept eating.

We were silent for another few seconds. I kept my eyes on my hands, which were folded in my lap. When I did speak, my voice was low. "I want a child of my own."

Annie sighed understandingly. "I know. I could see the look in your eyes when you handed Jace to me. What's holding you back?" Her eyes widened a fraction. "Is it Peeta?"

I let out a small laugh. "No, it isn't him. In fact, he wants kids more than I do, but I think that may be changing on my part. I was just afraid I couldn't handle one. Before I used the excuse of the war. If we lost, no child of mine would be put through hell like almost every other kid in Panem. I didn't want any child of mine to suffer. Now…Now I'm using the excuse of my sanity." I felt kind of foolish admitting that last one to her, because Annie was supposedly mad. But I thought she was anything but.

"Why are you making excuses, Katniss?" She seemed genuinely concerned, and subconsciously adjusted Jace on her breast.

Maybe I should stop talking to this girl or I might turn into a nun and go around kissing everyone's forehead, only telling the truth. That thought frightened me. Because Annie really is making me think more than I usually do, making me tell the truth to myself and everyone else. This may very well be changing my life.

I glanced back down at my hands. "I don't know. I'm afraid. I'm afraid that I'll screw up. I think of every bad thing that could happen, and making excuses comfort me in some way, because whenever I think of those few bad things that could happen, my excuses stop it from happening."

"They also stop every good thing from happening."

Silence.

For a few minutes, we sat in stillness, me in awe, Annie staring at me reasonably. But the peacefulness was broken when Jace started crying, tiny, high-pitched wails. Annie frowned. "You're not hungry, why are you crying?" She rocked the baby in her arms, but he kept crying.

"Probably needs a diaper change." I suddenly felt exhausted beyond belief. A sigh slipped from my throat and I rubbed my eyes. "I should get going." I certainly hoped Annie didn't think it was because I didn't want to change a diaper.

She didn't. "Goodbye, Katniss. And good luck." Annie smiled kindly at me. "It would be fun to raise our children together, you know."

A lump built up in my throat and I nodded. "Goodbye. And good luck with Jace."

"To you, too."

I left the tired mother and her son to themselves in the hospital room, and entered the hallway. Finnick and Peeta were sitting awkwardly side-by-side in the chair provided on the wall. When they heard me come out, both stood.

Before going back into the room, Finnick turned to me. "Thanks, Fire Girl. I owe you."

I rubbed my eyes again. "Yeah, no." I opened them to look at Finnick. "You don't."

His thin eyebrows arched delicately. "Okay. Well, see you."

"Bye." I turned my back to him and leaned gratefully on Peeta's shoulder.

He put both arms around me. "How did things go?"

In Peeta language, that meant 'what did she want to say?'.

` "Mm, they were fine. We…talked." I trailed off, hoping Peeta would get it.

"Talking is always good." Peeta began leading me out of the hospital, keeping one arm around my shoulder. Though the talk was small, I had a feeling he knew what we were talking about.

Now that I had my mind made up, I just needed to find the right time to bring it up. Hopefully it wouldn't be in too long. If I held this in any more, I just might explode. The sooner the better. Peeta needed to know. But not today. I was tired. When we get home, I'm going to take a very, very long nap. Perhaps tomorrow'll be the day I tell him. And perhaps I'll get my wish. After we're married, of course. But let's hope that isn't in too long…

**oOo**

_Goodness, ramble alert at the end. Whew. That was an amazing chapter. I got a lot done. 4,385 words, and in them I made Annie have the baby and Katniss she decided to want one too. I just adore babies. *siiiigggh* REVIEW! PLEASE!_


	24. Chapter 24

_I'm trying to keep just enough left-over effect from the birth in the chapters, but it's hard. I'll put more Jace/Annie/Finnick in the story more when I have everything a little calmer, okay? Things are about to get…interesting. Wait—no, not interesting. HORNY. No, not quite… Fluffy? Nah, too weird. Meh. Anyways, just read. _

**oOo**

I was exhausted. I was on edge. My stomach hurt. My brain wouldn't shut up. I wanted nothing more than to go back home and sleep for a week straight. But of course, I wasn't allowed. Not a minute after Peeta and I had stepped out of the hospital, my mother and Prim were seen barreling towards us. After a brief moment of embracing and funny looks at my choice of clothing, Mother took a breath.

"I got here as fast as the hovercrafts could go. I didn't miss anything, did I?" She seemed winded.

"Only everything." I offered her an apologetic frown. "Sorry."

Mother groaned and looked frazzled. "It went okay though, right?"

"The birth went perfectly. Healthy baby, no hemorrhaging. Both Annie and the baby were in tip-top shape when I Ieft." Of course, I didn't mention the breakdown I had…twice. _I_ didn't feel in tip-top shape.

"Oh good." She let out a sigh of relief, but perked up again. "Ooh, I can't wait to hold him. Can you show us to the room?"

It was all I could do not to groan and flop my head onto Peeta's shoulder. Instead, I just nodded tiredly. On the way, I made a mental vow not to hold Jace again, because there is no doubt in my mind I would cry, and that is the last thing I wanted with my mother and Prim here.

We made it to the hospital room, Prim practically bouncing the entire way there. I gave a hesitant knock on the door, and a green scrubs clad doctor answered with a mask pulled over his mouth. Exactly what Annie _didn't _want.

Mother stepped forward. "We're here to see how Miss Cresta and the baby is doing." She used her formal voice and motioned to Primrose next to her, who straightened her back.

The doctor, knowing as everyone else did what my mother did for a living, pulled off his mask. "Of course, Ms. Everdeen." He stepped aside.

It was chaos all over again. Primrose and Mother started bawling and took turns holding a reluctant Jace at least five times each, while Peeta and I stood off in the corner with our arms around each other. Finnick just floated around the room, beaming, occasionally making a comment about how amazing his newborn son was. Annie said nothing, however. She laid still in her bed, sea green eyes following Jace wherever he was carried, keeping her tired face mutual.

Somewhere in the midst of all the ruckus, a nurse came into the room, wheeling a tray stacked to the brim with food. Sandwiches, juice boxes, slices of bread, small containers of berries, you name it. The food looked better than 90% of the food I'd ever seen in District 13. We all took a break to eat lunch, but once the trays were empty and our stomachs were full, the poor baby was passed around again.

It must have been seven o'clock at night when they finally decided they were done ogling. With tears on their cheeks and grins on their faces, Mother and Prim let me drag them out. We made it halfway out the hospital when an Official caught up to us.

"I was given orders to offer lodging for you and your family tonight, Miss Everdeen." He said, smiling shyly down at me.

Something about this certain guard sparked my memory, but I couldn't place where I had seen him. Mother opened her mouth to refuse or accept, I didn't know, but I interrupted. "No thank you. We are going home." I earned myself strange blinks from Prim and Mother, but the Official seemed fine with it.

He grinned down at me. "Of course, miss. May I escort you to the hovercraft chamber?"

Wrapping my arm firmly around Peeta's waist, I gave an indifferent nod.

After making sure our escort was too far ahead to hear, Peeta bent down closer to my ear. "I hate how he's flirting with you so much."

"Jealous much?" Part of me was smiling inside for making him envious. It was funny.

Peeta scrunched his eyebrows together annoyance. "Yes, I am. No one is allowed to flirt with you except me."

If I wasn't so occupied with thoughts of babies or tired from lack of sleep, I would have laughed. I spared a smile, though. "I get flirted with a lot, you just aren't there."

This seemed to miff him even more. "Do you flirt back?"

"No."

"Why not?"

Poor Peeta. I was making him upset. It wasn't my fault he was a jealous type. With a small smile, I amended myself by giving him a kiss on the cheek. "Because I don't want to. I'm yours."

Even though that was just a great ball of cheese, Peeta seemed to take it. He kissed me back. "Glad to hear it."

By then I was glad Mother and Prim decided to walk ahead of us, chatting lightly to the nice guard about baby Jace. Prim barely let him get a word in edgewise, jabbering about how sweet and adorable Jace was, how he looked nearly identical to his mother but had his father's nose and all that stuff.

Peeta, who seemed a great deal happier, kept his arm around my waist all the way to the hovercraft room. When we got to the giant set of metal double-doors, our _lovely _guard turned around to face the four of us.

"Here you are." He unlocked and opened the chamber for us. "Have a safe journey back home."

Mother and Prim, flustered by his chivalry, giggled and thanked him, then went inside. No one would have thought Mother was turning 49 in a month. She acted Prim's age.

Sighing at her schoolgirl-ish buoyancy, I followed after them. But not, of course, before I caught the charming wink from the Official. An exhausted grin flashed briefly on my face, only because I saw Peeta's expression.

"You really are enjoying this, aren't you?" He said, casting me a sideways glance.

"Almost as much as wh—"

"What are you four doing in here?" A harsh voice snapped my attention away from Peeta.

It was the head Official, Sergeant Harvan, in his usual buzz cut and scowl. There was no respect whatsoever for the Mockingjay and her family. We were all one in the same to him.

Mother, over her giggly attitude, straightened up. "We were sent here by Officials to get flown home."

Sergeant Harvan blinked once, but returned to his usual gruff composure. "Of course. "

He escorted me, Peeta, Mother, and Prim to the lowest fleet of hovercrafts and unplugged a professional-looking craft. As if on cue, a man vaporized behind us, holding a cup of coffee in one hand and a hunk of white bread smeared with honey in the other. He took one look at me, then Sergeant Harvan, and shoved the rest of the bread in his mouth and swallowed.

"Take Miss Everdeen and her family back to District 12, okay Sheryl?" The sergeant laughed gruffly and ignored the flush of red that appeared on the man's cheeks. I wondered if that was his real last name, or if the sergeant was just toying with him.

"Yes sir." The pilot crawled into the front of the hovercraft, unaware of the stain he just made on the leg of his trousers with his coffee.

After nodding to us briefly, Sergeant Harvan left us to crawl into the craft after the embarrassed pilot.

The ride home was uneventful. Everyone kept silent, my head resting tiredly on Peeta's shoulder. He willingly let me use him as a pillow, but my nap only lasted the half-hour journey from D13 to D12. I was awoken by the gentle shaking of my shoulders.

"Hmm?" My eyes peeled open, and I found myself staring at Peeta.

"We're home." He put his arm around my shoulders and half-carried me out.

Once my feet were firmly on the ground it was easier to stand, but the feeling of fatigue didn't leave. Mother and Prim looked at me uncertainly, because I was leaning on Peeta's shoulder. They didn't know if I was going home with him or with them. But after only one more second of hesitation, Mother smiled slightly at us.

"It's fine. I'll drop a spare pair of her clothes off before we go to bed." She walked over and gave me a motherly kiss on my forehead. And, to my surprise, gave one to Peeta, too. He must be the only teenage boy in the world appreciating kisses from mothers. I thought it was sweet.

I forced my feet to move as I dragged myself into Peeta's house after him, and tromped up the stairs. In his room, Peeta gingerly laid me down and slid the shoes off my feet. He crawled in the covers next to me and folded the blankets up to my chin.

Though there was negative energy in my body, I still found enough to flop over on my other side and rested my cheek on his shoulder. "Mm…night." My voice was slurred, and I doubt he could understand me, but nevertheless, I received a gentle kiss on the lips.

"Sleep tight, love. I'll have a good breakfast for you in the morning." He settled down against me.

I could get used to this.

To my surprise, I was the first to wake in the morning. My eyes peeled open and I glanced over at Peeta, who had his cheek on the top of my head and was snoring lightly. It was so adorable when he did that.

Judging by the faint rays of sunlight peeking into the room from the window, it was morning, and later than we usually slept. I wasn't tired anymore, which was a relief, but I smelled bad and my hair was greasy. Careful not to wake up sleeping Peeta, I slid out from his arms and paused at the bathroom door. Mother had said she'd drop by a pair of my clothes before she went to bed.

Using quiet footsteps, I snuck downstairs and found the said clothing set lightly on the coffee table. When we didn't answer the door, Mother probably just went right in and set them here. Or maybe it was Prim. I didn't know, but took the clothing and went back upstairs.

To my relief, Peeta was still fast asleep when I went back into the room. Only pausing to give him a brief kiss on the cheek, I tiptoed into the bathroom.

I stripped myself of the T-shirt and shorts and stood under the warm spray of water, practically feeling the layer of grime run off my body. It was nothing like my first shower after the Games, but still. I used half of the bottle of shampoo, scrubbing my hair until it felt like I had yanked most of the hairs out. After I got clean, I plugged the bottom of the tub and sat under the shower jet as the water built up around me.

When I finally stepped out, it must have been an hour later. I dried myself off with a towel and dressed in my familiar button-up blouse and worn black trousers. My hair needed tending to, but I didn't feel like having to deal with the funny waves it would create if I put it back into a braid while it's still wet. So I just took a brief moment to comb it out before returning to the bedroom with bare feet.

Peeta wasn't there. The moment of confusion passed after a second, and I just continued downstairs.

The smell of fresh fruit and oatmeal hit me immediately as soon as I walked into the kitchen. Peeta was busy pouring sweet, white milk into tall glasses, and looked behind him when I entered.

A smile split his face. "Morning."

After giving him a small smile back, I peered around him to the food sitting on the counter in front of him. Two bowls of buttery oatmeal sat, steaming, with thin slices of apples decorating the top, melting into the grains. My mouth immediately started to water.

Peeta took a bowl in his hand and held it out to me. "Your breakfast, my queen."

I raised my eyebrows at him.

"Katniss." He corrected himself and set the glasses of milk on the table, sitting down after them.

We sat across from each other, savoring the tart fruit and washing down bits of creamy oats with milk. It was the best breakfast I'd had in a long while, and I was genuinely disappointed when it was all gone. I drained the rest of my milk and sat back in my chair, satisfied.

Peeta put the dishes in the sink and sat back down. "Feeling better?"

With a content smile, I said, "Much. That was amazing. I guess it pays having a guy with amazing culinary skills."

"It pays having a girl who actually appreciates it." Peeta flashed a brief grin at me, but then stood up and eyed the full sink with dissatisfaction. "I need to do the dishes."

"I'll help." Having the occasional moment of normalness was welcome in my hectic life, no matter how rare.

So we stood there at the kitchen sink, me washing, Peeta drying and putting away. We laughed and chatted while we did, but steering clear of what happened yesterday. Whenever we veer close, I could see the flash in his eyes he knew about it, but kept away from the topic.

I really needed to consider telling him some time. Maybe that is what's holding him back from asking me to marry him. Maybe he thinks I don't want children, so it's better to just stay like this. If that was the case, I needed to let him know right away. But it just wasn't something you'd pop up in a normal conversation. 'Yeah never mind your crazy rash, I want babies'. Okay, that wouldn't be a very normal conversation, but you get my point.

The thought made me actually laugh out loud.

Peeta, who was getting done drying the last plate, laughed with me. "What's so funny?"

I can't tell him _that. _I just shook my head. "Nothing. Nothing normal, that is."

"Right." He dried off his hands on a nice blue dishtowel, then offered it to me. "I was hoping to go to town today. You're coming, right?"

Of course, I automatically agreed. Party because I didn't like being away from him, partly because I might have wanted to maybe look at some baby stuff…maybe. I felt somewhat guilty for abandoning Mother and Prim so much, but they have no idea what goes through my mind and what I feel every time I'm away from Peeta. It's like physical pain. Surely that isn't good for me, being this dependant on him, but I was mentally unstable. And he was fine with it. Well…at least I think he was.

**oOo**

_That ended pretty badly, sorry. Well, the immense amount of chapters I updated should take care of that. :DDD I think I'm going to time travel a bit next chapter and skip a few weeks, if that's okay with you guys. But now that that's out of the way, I LOVE ALL OF YOU! This story is going exactly how I wanted; tons of readers, heart-warming reviews, a fuzzy feeling inside, and I realized how much I depend on all you guys. There is no doubt I love every one of you. Honestly. _

_Happy fun virtual cookies to anyone who can figure out when the flirtatious guard popped up last in my story. (hint: it was in Lo and Behold)_

_With that said, pleasepleaseplease review, okaaayy? _


	25. Chapter 25

_This chapter kind of skips ahead a bit. The last few were in the beginnings of spring, when things were in the process of thawing and warming, but this chapter skips to when things are thawed and warm. Like…April. Yeah, April. Oh, and by "break-up" I don't mean like 'I'm breaking up with you, biatch'. I mean the period in early spring in which everything is melting. Us Alaskans have our own special vocabulary. I'd list some other…special-er words but never mind that._

**oOo**

**PEETA'S POV**

For a few weeks things were calm. Katniss stayed with me most of the time, seeing as how her mother had taken Prim in as an apprentice at the hospital and now worked for quite a bit longer.

Throughout most of it, we spent the break-up inside or in town. She watched me paint and helped me bake (I only ate the stuff she made to be nice; I'm glad she's not a real baker) whilst I kept her sane. I was always there when she had nightmares, was the voice of reason whenever she had a bout of self-loathing and other such suicidal leanings, and kept her busy. That last one was a big part of it.

Annie sent pictures of baby Jace to us every now and then from District 13. He was growing into really an adorable little kid, and his eyes—which were black at birth—were lightening up just enough to see flecks of green. Katniss and I cooed over them, and framed them for the shelves. But sometimes I catch her looking at them with some sort of sad sparkle in her eyes. Then it vanishes and she goes on.

Mid-April hit and all the ice was melted. Little green sprigs popped up everywhere, creating uneven color around District 12. The air was balmy and warm, just the perfect temperature for shedding our coats and wool underwear (not that I wear any).

It was the seventeenth, if I kept track accurately, we had woken up early. It had become routine; I cooked breakfast while she showered, and after we ate, we'd go about our day. But, on the occasion, we overslept and had a very late breakfast (or early lunch). Today was one of those days.

My eyes peeled open to the sound of a bird outside. He seemed to be having quite a time shrieking his miniscule lungs out right next to the window. I hoped he exploded into a pile of pretty blue feathers, for interrupting my sleep.

Lifting my head up off the pillows, I squinted over at the clock on my bedside stand and found it was nine in the morning. Quite late considering we use to think seven was a late time for waking up.

Inwardly cussing the bird outside the window, I peeked down at Katniss. She had fallen asleep with her cheek pressed against my shoulder, one arm draped lightly across my torso. She was so peaceful when she slept, quiet whistle of her breathing, smoothed features only aware of the painted dreams inside her head. And I absolutely loved how she felt comfortable enough to curl so tight up against me to sleep.

I wanted to ask her to marry me. A thousand times I've run over the moment I kneel in my head. Or should I not kneel? Maybe it would be best if I just plain asked her. No… That didn't turn out so well the first time. I'm going to kneel. Maybe in front of the whole town. Maybe in our house before bedtime. I don't know, but I want her to be mine.

I've thought of a thousand different ways it could go, good and bad. All I wanted was for Katniss to say yes and be happy, not necessarily in that particular order. But it's so hard to get inside her head to know what she really wants. Maybe she doesn't want to marry me. If I asked her and she rejected, that would be the end of our good relationship right there. Everything had to be perfect, so carefully planned.

But I knew I wanted it to happen.

A thought popped up into my head, one that's been there before but I had misplaced it. Maybe if I had time before Katniss woke… Gently easing myself out of her arms, I managed to slide quietly on the floor with my feet without disturbing her.

I threw on some clothes without really caring what they were, and only pausing to grab a few things from the nightstand drawer and to slip a small note into Katniss' fist, I jogged out the door.

The town was fresh in the orange light of dawn. People walked along the pebble road, talking quietly among themselves, stopping occasionally to sample something from a nearby vendor. My eyes flicked from store to store. Surely there was a metal smith around here…

I walked past ghosts of buildings that used to be in the old District 12. Most shops were just built over, reconstructed the whole town a new, different town. But some places, the exact replicas of places were rebuilt right over their remnants. Like the bakery. It stood exactly where it was burned. But other than that and sparingly few other buildings, this place was new to me. The square was still where it was.

Thankfully, it didn't take too see the nice little shop. Through the large glass window, I could see a man, scruffy and older than half the population of District 12. Stubble was sprinkled on his lower jaw, and wrinkles were folded under his eyes and mouth but still, he was working diligently at an anvil, pounding a piece of red-hot metal with a hammer.

I hesitantly knocked on the door and walked in. A tiny bell tinkled from somewhere above me.

The old man looked up and stopped pounding, pulling off scuffed leather gloves to shake my hand. "What brings you here today, son?"

In my pocket, I rolled the small bead of white around in my palm as I told him. "Do you think you can do that?"

His eyes started to twinkle. "I can do that. I've done a lot more complicated than rings before. This should be no problem."

I didn't like parting with it, but something in the old man's eyes made me slightly less reluctant, and I handed him the pearl I was worrying between fingers. "How long do you'll think it'll be?"

The man looked contemplative. "Two days at the most. Check back then." He weighed the pearl in his hand and then dropped it in a dusty tin on the shelf at eye-level, labeled 'objects'.

"How much should I bring when it's ready?"

Tired eyes, a dark grey color, met mine. "How much do you think its worth?"

I hated when people asked that. "More than I have."

The man chuckled, and turned around to study racks of strips of metal, different thicknesses. "Pretty special girl, eh?"

Did he normally like talking about feelings to his customers? I felt my mouth twitch up into a subconscious smile at the thought of my 'special girl'. "You could say that."

Though the man acted as though he knew nothing of mine and Katniss' connection, the sparkle in his weary eyes told me different. He pulled off a very slim dowel of silver metal and held it up to the light. "It's not too much. Rings are simple. And, in providing the stone, you saved yourself a bundle." He used a pair of fancy-looking pliers and clipped a length of the metal. "It's not too much. And if I get the branding iron done today, the ring should be ready tomorrow."

That soon? My palms got sweaty. "Feel free to take your time."

A deep laugh rumbled out of the old man's' chest. He wheezed and wiped his eyes on the material of his apron. "Ah, of course. Nervous, no doubt." The man eyed me sympathetically. "I was such a chicken to ask the girl _I _loved to marry me. It took a long time to get up the nerve to even prepare a ring."

"So did you ask her?"

Something flickered behind the man's' eyes and he looked down. The metal rod got slid into the bellows, iron door closing after. He wiped his hand on the front of his shirt. "Never got the chance. Ran off with someone else."

"Oh." I inwardly thanked Katniss for not being like that. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be."

And that was the end of that conversation. I left with a small 'goodbye', leaving the hammering of metal on hot metal behind me.

I didn't really have anything else to do in town, and Katniss was probably awake by now, so I just headed back home.

Like I suspected, she was awake. I walked in as she stood in front of the mirror, braiding her hair behind her in a long, black rope. Her eyes flicked up to me when I walked in.

A small smile stretched across her lips. "You're back."

"I am." I gave her a kiss on the forehead, but I was preoccupied.

"What were you doing?"

"Stuff."

Katniss' eyebrows raised in that 'oh really' look she did so well. "What kind of stuff?"

I wandered into the kitchen, knowing she was following after me. "Just stuff. What do you want for breakfast?"

Katniss let out a gusty sigh and gave me look, not answering my question.

In the end, I decided to fix homemade toast with butter, and, of course, tea. We sat there, munching on our breakfast. I had to admit it was entertaining watching Katniss' facial expressions throughout the day. When things were silent, her eyebrows scrunch up and she chews on her lip. I would give anything to be able to get inside her head and know what those faces are for.

After cleaning up, I brushed my hands off on the front of my trousers. "It's really warm outside today. What should we do?"

Katniss was brought out of her reverie and blinked. Then a slightly smile reached her mouth and she looked up at me eagerly. "We should go to the lake."

"Perfect!" I haven't been to the lake since the little incident last time, the day after our reunion. I had to admit, I was a bit hesitant, but Katniss seemed excited and much better than she was a month ago. So instead of hesitating, I grabbed two empty water bottles from in one of the cupboards and began filling them up.

Katniss took the first one, once it was filled up, and looped it through her belt. I did the same. "You ready?" she blinked up at me, hand poised on the front door.

I answered her with a kiss on the head.

We hiked around the house and out of the fence perimeter. Katniss went ahead of me by a foot about, but kept checking back at me. A half-hour passed, then another. The warm weather and the exertion of hiking caused light sheens of sweat to appear on our skin. Half of our water was gone by the time we stumbled into the little lake clearing.

Katniss flopped down onto the dirt in front of the water and sighed. I followed. Things were quiet for a few minutes when we regained our breath, then we sat back up.

"This is so much nicer than the first time." Katniss wiggled her shoes off, then socks, and stuck her slender feet in the water. A sigh of relief bubbled from her mouth. "This water feels so good."

I watched in bemusement as she stood up. Gripping the hem of her shirt with both hands, it slid over her head and onto the dirt. Thank _goodness _she was wearing an undershirt this time. It's awfully hard containing these dumb hormones of mine.

Katniss looked back at me and held out her hand. "Let's swim."

I blinked. "I can't swim."

"I'll teach you."

"The water is probably deep."

"Only on the other side."

This was aggravating. Katniss had total confidence in me not to drown, but I knew better. The last thing I wanted was for her to have to save me from going under. I shook my head.

Sighing, she shrugged, and—to my mortified surprise—began taking off her trousers. Words stuttered out of my mouth, but even I didn't know what they were. I heard Katniss chuckle quietly at my reaction, but before anything was said, she stepped into the water and vanished.

I blinked in shock. One minute she was there, the next she was gone. Standing up cautiously, I peered over the edge of the water. "…Katniss?"

Snorting, she bobbed up to the surface and stood. The water was up to her waist, and clung her undershirt and hair to her skin. Katniss held out her hand to me. "Come on. It's not that bad."

"I must be insane…" I muttered to myself, but nevertheless tugged my shirt off and, after a second of hesitation, pulled off my pants. Underwear was no problem when going swimming. Or going drowning, as I put it.

Ignoring the bite of the frigid water, I waded until I was waist-deep as well. Katniss was right next to me, grinning in triumph.

"A little deeper, now." She treaded water further in and beckoned to me.

This felt foolish. "I'm fine here, thanks."

"Swimming's no fun if you don't get your head wet." Katniss said matter-of-factly.

"I'm not swimming, I'm wading."

She snorted, loudly, and once again sank into the water.

No I just felt awkward, standing in the pond, waist-deep, seemingly alone. But even that feeling of awkwardness floated away when something gripped my ankle. It didn't pull, but I yanked back in surprise, earning me a one-way ticket to—yep, you guessed it. The bottom of the pond.

I landed with a great splashed and let out a surprised cry, flailing my arms out of instinct. When I managed to stand up straight again, every inch of me was covered with cold water, and I was fighting off the surge of adrenaline.

On cue, Katniss popped through the surface and looked at me with an amused arch of her eyebrows.

At first I was planning on knocking her back down for vengeance, but seeing the adorable look on her face just made me laugh. I grabbed her by the arm and put my arms around her, still laughing. Katniss and her facial expressions were one of the lights of my life.

She started laughing, too, and to my surprise, stretched up to press her mouth against mine.

For a second I felt like I was melting, then pulled away. "Not-not in the water." I was grinning my face off, I knew it. "I'm going to drown again."

Katniss tugged my hand towards the shore and we waded back to the shore, where we laid down, side-by-side, heads turned towards each other. I reached up my hand to sweep back a wet lock of hair on her, and she kissed me again.

I would have thought it was safer to do that on the shore, because I was not in risk of inhaling water, but it was just as dangerous on land as it was in water. The world fell away and something in my gut surged. It wasn't necessarily pleasant when this happened, mainly because I had to control it. Hormones were inescapable and horribly tempting, and at times like this when Katniss is being too…seductive for her own good, it was all I could do not too just—.

Our lips broke apart for a second, but only for Katniss to get her arm underneath her for support. Her freshly-sopping body pressed against mine and tangled her fingers in my hair.

I groaned and just had to pull away. "I'm sorry Katniss, I can't." Our eyes met and for a minute it was humorous. A smile flashed on my face. "Things would go badly if I let us do this any longer."

"It's a shame." She bent down to brush her mouth once, very gently across mine. Through my fingers, I could feel both our bodies shiver. "Being virtuous, you know."

Yes, I did know. But there'll be nothing stopping us once I get up my nerve to ask her to marry me. Again, visions flashed before my eyes, but I shoved them away and stared at now, Katniss propped up on my chest, eyes shining. There was no place I'd rather be, than with my Mockingjay, married or not. Well… My hormones say "yes please" but I'm trying to ignore those for now. It's not doing so good.

**oOo**

_Every person has that feeling some time in their life. No matter how incredible perfect and sexy Peeta is, there is no denying he is a teenage boy so I had to put something like that in there. :DD _

_We're gonna have a party their honeymoon night, you know. Like that song "let your body give in to the beat of your heart as my hand touches your skin, if this' love…Let's start a fire!" I love that song to bits. But if you know what I mean by "fire", it's going to be AMAZING. HAHAHAHA. Let's hope you people are pervs like me. But don't worry. It'll be clean. Sort of. Yeah. –parental guidance recommended— (not really) REVIEW! LOVE YOU ALL!_


	26. Chapter 26

_Hearing all those beautiful compliments and absolutely HILARIOUS comments made me feel so happy. I'm glad you're enjoying this as much as I am. Big plans from now on, so buckle up! This chapter is in Peeta's POV again, just to let you know._

**oOo**

We spent the rest of the evening there at the lake, occasionally taking a half-hour to swim, but mostly laying on the shore, wrapped in each others' arms. It was amazing, and neither of us talked so the silence amplified everything. But my mind was occupied with the thoughts of marriage.

No matter how cheesy it sounded, I couldn't help but think of how my love for Katniss never wavered, only grew stronger and stronger. This was hard to tell to her, of course, because it is so cheesy. She'd smile and kiss me, saying she loved me too, but she wouldn't really…get how my feelings for her worked. Though I loved her more than anything, it wasn't just attraction (though that was part of it).

I don't know what it is about her. There's something that gets me, every time our eyes meet. I could see a reflection of me and what I feel in her eyes, and if I lost her, I'd lose myself. Like she is—literally—my other half. Like existence would be physically impossible without her.

When it became near dinnertime, it was sad to leave. Our clothes were drenched and we were starving, but Katniss seemed ecstatic. She was bouncing around on the balls of her feet the whole way home, and tried hard to keep the smile off her face. It didn't work, but I inwardly wondered why she was so happy.

We ate, and after the dishes were done, Katniss decided to go back to her house to say a quick hello to her Mother and Prim, and to get another set of clothes. While she was gone, I decided to take a shower. After pulling on a pair of pajama pants, I shook out my hair, feeling refreshed.

That didn't last too long, though, because the moment I stepped out of the bathroom, Katniss was right there in front of me, already dressed in her nightgown. I uttered a small cry of surprise, followed by a defeated grin.

"I'm back." She said, tossing the fresh clothes onto an empty chair. Though I was wearing nothing but flannel pajama pants, she seemed at ease and normal. Like I did this every day.

For a brief moment I touched my thumb to her cheek, then withdrew my hand. "It's late. We should get an early start for tomorrow." I didn't mention why.

Katniss looked tranquil for a moment, then a tiny realization dawned on her, and she flicked her eyes up to mine. "I'm really curious as to know where you went this morning. You left when I was asleep and wouldn't tell me. It's killing me." Even though the first few sentences were just playful, the last seemed genuinely curious, and maybe even annoyed.

I put my arms around Katniss' shoulders and enjoyed the presence of her warm self for a bit. "It's nothing to obsess over." That was a lie. "No need to worry." Another lie? No, that was true…

She sighed. "I'm not worrying, just curious. You normally tell me everything."

"If you're observant, I'm sure in no time you'll understand."

That made her more curious, and for a second, Katniss just stood there looking miffed. Then a sigh slid from her throat and she tugged, not unkindly, away from me. "I'll find out soon enough. We should get some sleep if you're going to need another couple of extra hours in the morning."

"Nope." Her attitude as we crawled into bed didn't affect my natural adrenaline buzzing through my fingertips. This was actually going to happen. This is actually going to happen… "I'm sleeping in with you."

Katniss sank down next to me, pressing her side up against mine. Our fingers entwined together, like always, but she didn't rest her head on my chest. A small crease appeared between her bows and I could see the barely-discernible work of her jaw as she chewed the inside of her cheek.

I leaned over and pressed my lips to her forehead. "Are you upset at me? For not telling you?"

"No, I—" Katniss topped herself in the beginning of the sentence. A tiny muscle in her cheek twitched and she was fighting, hard, with herself, though I couldn't tell what of. Her grey eyes flicked around nervously, then up to me. "Nothing. It's... Nothing."

Okay, she was just doing that to make _me _curious. If I asked her what, she'd want to know why I was gone, and I can't tell her that. But jeez, she knows I hate it when she does that. I groaned. "Not nice, Katniss."

She shrugged, but I could see the troubled look on her face and knew she didn't just say it to bug me. But still, the subject was dropped and didn't pop back up. In just a few seconds, she decided to snuggle down in the covers and turn sideways towards me, eyes closed.

In that precious moment of silence, I spared a minute to bend down and kiss her once, very gently on her lips. Grey eyes opened to stare at me, a small twinkle lit them. "I love you, Peeta."

"I love you, too." But she had no idea, none at all for the days ahead. If in the morning, I visit the metal smith and he has the ring done, that night—tomorrow night—it will happen. Of course, that depends on if I remain sane until then, but if I managed to get down on my knees in front of her, and take her hands in my own, I'm going to propose to her.

_Propose. Marry. Engage. Wedding. _Those words ran through my head again and again, and each time they touched a nerve, I grew more and more anxious. I thought I was about to explode right out of the covers, when the soft grunt of Katniss' snore brought my heart back down to my chest. She had her forehead pressed on my shoulder, and both her arms were wrapped securely around one of my own.

I wasn't going to have problems tomorrow. Because I loved her, and she was perfect. There was nothing blocking me, for it was kept away with sheer will.

Now subdued, I closed my brain up against the thoughts and breathed in Katniss' scent. My eyes slid shut once more, knowing full well this would be the last night I would fall asleep alone.

In the night, I was awoken by cries. Not horrible shrieks of pain, but stifled sobs, quiet and muffled. My eyelids peeled open dryly, and I found myself staring up at Katniss.

She was sitting up in bed, legs tucked under her hastily, her hands covering her mouth. Tears were streaming under and around the cupped fingers, twisting in the dim light to illuminate themselves. Katniss looked as though it wasn't a nightmare, though. She would have shot immediately out of bed and would have been up against the wall or on the floor, but not still in bed. She looked as though she had already been awake but just had a really horrible thought.

Immediately, on instinct, I reached out my arms to her. "You're okay, Katniss." My mouth immediately murmured the words comfortingly.

To my relief, Katniss didn't flinch away. But she didn't crumble into my chest either. The most she did was stare down at me in upset confusion, and didn't pull away when I tugged her into my arms.

She wasn't sobbing loudly or breathing raggedly, or anything like that. In fact, her crying was dying down to just streams of tears instead of rivers.

I held her like a small child, cradled kindly against my bare chest, gently wiping tears away with a fingertip. "Are you okay? Was it a nightmare?"

Her mouth opened and closed again, a few times, then she swallowed the hindrance holding her back. "Not-not a nightmare, Peeta." Her eyes widened, shining and hoary in what little light we had. "A dream. I—" Katniss just now looked more confused than ever, and bent her head down to slowly put her face in her hands. "It surprised the tears right out of me."

For some odd reason, a funny image popped up in my head and I forced it down before I could laugh. Something tells me this wasn't a very amusing sort of "surprise the tears right out of her" kind of thing. I touched my finger to her jaw line. "Are you going to tell me?"

Something—possibly fright—appeared in Katniss' eyes and she immediately opened her mouth to say "no". But she didn't do that. Again, that troubled 'battle-with-yourself' look appeared on her face and she weighed silent the options unknown to me.

A pause.

"I don't think I can. Not—" Katniss bit her lip. "Not yet, anyways."

Not yet? Something inside of me told me it had something vaguely to do with marriage, or another something along those lines.

Katniss closed her eyes again, determined to go back to sleep without anything said. But just as the both of us began drifting off, I felt the shift of Katniss' hand. It brushed mine, barely noticeable. But it was impossible to not notice it when she curled her hand protectively around her stomach.

Something inside my chest gave a shudder, and I was momentarily brought away from my tired state, just to cover her hand with my own. It flinched once under mine, unsure, but relaxed. For a moment I could feel, without even opening my eyes, that Katniss was looking at me. But I didn't need to know when she reached over to kiss me.

It was automatic, kissing back, but it was brief and full of fatigue. Not a minute after she pulled back away and held my hand to her stomach with both of her own, I fell into a sleep, dreaming about children with grey eyes.

I wasn't the first to wake in the morning. It was 10:00 (to my complete surprise), and my eyes opened to a plate and mug of cider being pressed into my hands. For a second I had to blink and comprehend the food being forced upon me, then I squinted up to Katniss, who had her own food and was sitting on my legs, eating it, watching me with an amused glint in her eyes.

It seemed as though something changed in the night, switching an unknown switch in her. She was dressed, showered, sipping hot apple cider, and smiling. All before I woke up. And what was with breakfast in bed? I had a sudden image of our places switched, though I doubted Katniss would wear hair curlers anywhere but in my mind.

"What's this?" I motioned to the steaming breakfast in front of me curiously.

"Breakfast."

Well, _duh._ "Since when do you fix me breakfast in bed?"

She took a bite of a piece of bacon that had the crap cooked right out of it, all crispy and brown. "I'm going to be busy today. With Mother and Prim, and maybe even Haymitch. I owe him a visit." Katniss blinked, realizing it as she said it, an afterthought, but shook it away. "Anyways, Mother is going to be at work, but Prim wanted to do something with me since we barely ever see each other anymore."

"Ah." That was perfectly fine with me. And this bacon was amazing, I realized.

For a few minutes we sat there in bed, chewing, until our plates were empty.

Katniss set our dishes down on the nightstand and shifted into a more comfortable position on my lap. "Also, I thought you might want a little extra time doing your secret whatnot in town."

A guilty smile crept up onto my face and I felt myself reach out to her. Confused but nevertheless okay with it, Katniss let herself be tucked under my chin and in the circle of my arms.

"It'll be worth it, I promise." I mumbled against her skin, lips pressed to Katniss' neck.

She said nothing, but the silence around her was no longer cold and confused. Just silent.

We sat like that for a few minutes, unmoving and warm, until Katniss decided she should go meet Prim at her house. To my knowledge, they weren't going to be in town when I was, but just in case, I was planning on making my trip short.

The second she was gone, my heart resumed its place in my throat and I got right down to business.

This was going to be incredible.

**oOo**

_Ooh, it's the next chapter! The proposal! HAHAHA I'm so excited. :3 it's going to be amazing, really. I have it all planned out in my head and it's going to go soooo well. Thanks to everyone who has read, reviewed, enjoyed, etc my story; Rachel, Michelle, Rosa, Sophie, Dasha, Ashley, Ronja, Ali, um…Izzy? I'm not sure if you're still reading… Never mind. I totally don't know a lot of your names, but we talk often, so you know who you are. But anyways, thanks to everyone and I love you guys, and so on and so forth. :DD Happy March 27__th__, guys!_

_But I would like to give a universal birthday wish to one of my best friends ever, Michelle. You people would know her as MountainAir, but it was her birthday on the 25__th__, so if you happen to think of it, in your review, you can tell her happy birthday, and I'll make sure to pass that on to her. :D_

_**IMPORTANT!**_

_I need your help! On my profile, I put up a survey of an engraving on Peeta's-Katniss' ring, what it should say. I'm not updating until I know what to put on it, and I want to know what you think. Take the survey!_


	27. Chapter 27

_I know in the last chapter I said I wouldn't update until I got the ring engraving idea, and I did. It's going to be amaazzzzing. Thank you, Rachel! I keep saying this, but it's going to be amazing, this chapter. :DDD I think I'm going to cut it in half with the points of views. Half Peeta's, half Katniss'. Enjoy!_

**oOo**

**PEETA'S POV**

I wasted no time after Katniss left. I took a quick ten-minute shower, dressed, and practically bounded out the door with an uncertain mount of coins in my pocket. It was hard not to feel anything but ecstasy. I wanted to be nervous, or maybe even fright, but all I felt was elation for the first time in months.

There was no doubt I looked like an idiot, grinning through town. As I neared the metal smiths' shop, I forced myself to put on an impassive look on. Taking a moment to breathe, I paused right outside the door. But through the window, I could see the old man at his work post stopped to look up at me. Tired eyes twinkled.

Well, now that he saw me, there was no waiting outside for any longer. On unsure feet, I opened the door and walked in. The usual bell ringed from somewhere above me, and I was greeting once again by the old man.

He shook my hand. "Funny you should come in. I was just getting started with it."

My head felt like it plummeted down to my feet. Everything in me deflated. "Oh."

The old man laughed. "Don't look so put down, son. It doesn't take that long to finish a ring. You can watch."

I perked up a bit after that, but inwardly cursing myself for getting my hopes up that high. I hoped it would be ready by today.

"Come on." The metalsmith beckoned for me to follow him, and I went behind him to the opposite wall.

Like the other one nearer the bellows, this wall was dedicated to metal rods, but these of a much smaller and thinner variety. The ones near the top were silver, varying from hair-thin to about the width of my pinky finger.

The man peered at me from deep inside his dark gray eyes. "Well?"

I blinked.

"Aren't you going to pick the rod for the ring?" The man chuckled, highly amused at my slowness.

Feeling foolish, I cast my gaze upon the metal sticks, trying to imagine each bent into a circle, sporting a shining pearl on top. The silver was pretty, but I would say the gold would go better with Katniss' olive skin tone.

With careful fingers, I selected a gold rod, fourth thinnest.

The old man took it and—after pulling on a pair of thick glasses—stared down at it. Then he looked back up at me and nodded. "Good choice. Now come with me."

Again, he led me back across the room to the bellows. I stood by, watching as he slid the rod into the crimson embers. To my surprise, it only took about ten minutes for the rod to begin glowing red hot.

"Watch out, son." The metalsmith pulled on a pair of leather gloves, took a pair of black prongs off a shelf and very gently eased the stick out of the oven.

The rod went immediately onto the anvil, where the old man pulled out a cylindrical something-or-other. At once, a hammer was brought to the metal, pounding the malleable iron around the cylinder. The hot metal gave way under the hammer and was forced to wind up.

It was slow and careful work, but I waited patiently, watching as the rod began bending further and further around the cylinder.

Finally, the two ends met and the old man was allowed a space in time to breath. He set down the hammer and began rummaging around under the anvil's table.

"This," He came back up with some sort of skinny gun. "is a solder gun."

I nodded, acting as if I was interested, but seeing the process of my ring getting done made me a little jumpy, eager to get out and hold it in my palm as though it was a piece of gold.

The metalsmith worked for a bit, carefully melting the edges of the would-be ring, holding the two ends together. When he finally pulled back, it was just how I imagined, smooth and gleaming. The old man admired his work, and then looked up at me for my approval. "So far so good, eh?"

"It's amazing." I hoped he didn't forget the pearl, and thought it was done right there, because I would be very upset. Or even worse, he could have lost the pearl. If that happened, in less than fifteen minutes, Officials would be pulling me out of the building, charging me with murder.

If anything happened to that pearl, I just might get violent. Just a bit.

"Now for the finishing touches…" The man didn't register my fuming expression as he reached behind him to fish his fingers around in a jar by his desk. Out came two tiny items; a funny-looking brad, and my pearl.

An inevitable rush of relief washed over me.

This part took longer than the rest, by far. An hour passed easily, and the old man worked away with his minuscule tools, heating, bending, shaping, measuring, and reheating the microscopic area of the brad. Neither of us spoke, absorbed with the careful maneuvers of creating the ring.

An hour and forty-five minutes passed, and a gruff laugh of success jolted me back awake. I kept nodding off, the tedious work boring me. Though I hadn't dared leaving.

"How is it?" The metal smith looked extremely proud of himself, and opened his hand to show something to me.

Wordlessly, I took the ring from the old metalsmith and weighed it in my hand, jaw open in awe. It was perfect. But something was missing. On the outside, it was just a ring. Gorgeous and perfect, yes, but nothing that would actually mean anything to her, except of course the pearl.

"It's wonderful, thank you. But…" I glanced up at the old man. "Do you do engravings?"

A tired laugh escaped the metalsmith. He looked at me with exasperated eyes. "Yes, son, I do. What would you like me to put on it?"

I swallowed, only thinking for a split second, and then I told him.

Silent, the man took the ring back and for another half-hour he worked, then handed it back. "How's that?"

Everything I hoped for. Curling my fingers delicately around the ring, I turned my eyes back up to the metalsmith. "She can't possibly say no, now."

A deep chortle rolled from the old man's' lungs and he threw his creased head back. "The ring has nothing to do with it, handsome lad like you." He pulled out a scrap of mock-silk and gave it to me.

The smile that spread my lips was genuine, and I wrapped the ring in the silk. I pulled out my pouch of coins and put it in the metalsmith's hand. "I cannot thank you enough."

The man glanced down at the pouch, then back up at me. "I don't need all this. It's only worth half."

"Keep it anyways." I made my way to the door and paused on the way out. I turned back to the metalsmith. "Thank you, again."

The man's eyes twinkled. "Go get her. The best of luck to you, son."

I waved one more time to the man and left, with just a few coins left, but feeling better than I had in a while.

On the way back home, I took my time, trying not to shout out loud. The ring was rolled, over and over, in my fingers. It was so perfect… Careful not to drop or scuff it, I folded it back in the piece of cloth and tucked it safely in my pocket.

It had only been a few hours, though. Time flew by until I decided to steal Katniss back.

Now came the hard part.

**KATNISS' POV**

Prim hasn't stopped laughing in the past ten minutes. We were tossing untruthful jabs back and forth to each other, about random things. Occasionally Peeta came up, Primrose dissing him jokingly, then me throwing insults back at her.

It was shallow fun, dull at some points, but just sitting here cross-legged on my little sister's bed talking to her, making her laugh, was worth it. Peeta was still gone, and it was three in the afternoon. I had lunch with Mother right before she had to leave for work, but after that the only other thing I did was stay with Prim in her room.

Buttercup, Prim's crazy cat, seemed glad that I was back to normal again, laughing along with his owner. He sat down on his furry orange haunches on my knee, chest rumbling in content. That was probable the first time in my entire life he was purring at me, because of me, not attempting murder at all.

Three-thirty hit, and Prim's laughing was interrupted by a knocking on the door. Of course, no one that had cause to visit us would be uncomfortable with just walking right in, so in no less than forty-five seconds, he had appeared at Prim's bedroom door. Something in his eyes made me curious, but I didn't question it. He himself said I would find out soon enough.

Primrose threw her arms around Peeta's waist in a quick hug. "How have you been?" She asked in a voice that sounded barely controllable, on the verge of collapsing into another giggle-fit.

"Excellent." And it looked true. Peeta looked as if he just won the lottery; his eyes were much bluer and more excited than normal, plus he was bouncing on the balls of his feet.

He caught my funny look, and grinned. "Hey, Katniss."

I spared him a small smile as well. "You done with your little shopping trip?"

Peeta's eye twitched, and he took an obvious effort to look less excited." Yeah."

"You still aren't going to tell me?"

"Nope."

I sighed and got up as well, walking over to him. Prim had let go by then, standing off to the side, eyes flicking from Peeta to me, and back again.

"I was hoping we could have a walk through town." Peeta looked hopeful and cute, with a crease between his brows and a small smile on his face.

I glanced back at Primrose.

"It's fine. Go ahead!" Prim gathered her flabby cat in her arms and smiled at us both.

From behind, Peeta reached over and took my hand. "Come on."

"See you, Prim!" I gave my sister a little smile before following Peeta back down the stairs and out the house.

We walked into town, taking our own sweet time. Peeta twined his fingers in mine, and our hands swung playfully in between us as we walked. There wasn't exactly anywhere we were planning to go. At least, I didn't have anywhere planned. Peeta might, but he seemed semi-casual as we walked, not heading anywhere in particular.

Every now and then, his hand would slip into his pocket, but he'd take it out just as quick and give me a small kiss on the head. Though we were quiet and blasé, I couldn't help but notice the change in Peeta's attitude.

He seemed slightly nervous, and also excited, but only so much as I would see it. Every time he caught me looking curiously at his expression, his face would smooth out again and he would give me a nice, one-armed hug, claiming he was fine.

We walked for a while, and when 6:00 hit, he took me to dinner to one of the newly rebuilt kitchens where Greasy Sae now worked. She greeted us with the usual joking wink and served us both heaping plates of some concoction that tasted strangely delicious. Maybe it just reminded me so much of my old life here, but either way, I had seconds.

After dinner, we walked down a few blocks and we found ourselves outside the candy shop. After exchanging a brief glance with Peeta, I agreed and we walked inside.

Candies of every color hung on the walls, different shapes and flavors. It smelled strongly of flavoring syrups and powdered sugar. I practically felt my eyes widened. Back before the Games when my family just barely scraped by, things like this were most certainly out of the question. We didn't even bother looking at the sweets in the display window. But this was a different circumstance.

Peeta reached up and pulled a small bag of candies from the wall and tossed it on the desk in front of a plastic register. The old lady at the desk peered at the bag, weighed it with her tiny scale, and told us the price.

I had prepared myself to reach into my pocket, but when I made a movement to pull my own money to pay for the sweets, Peeta stopped me. Instead, he put his hand into his own pocket and handed the lady a few coins. She grunted thanks, and Peeta and I left.

But we didn't go far; instead of wandering around town some more, we sat in front of the candy shop, holding pieces of sweets under our tongues. Silence was a mutual feeling between us, soft in the fresh air of summer.

Peeta held my hand with his, fingers overlapping, but even through the silence I could tell there was something bothering him. Or on his mind at least.

I reached up to tuck a small lock of blond hair behind his ear, which just fell away again. "What are you thinking of?"

He sucked on his candy in thought, then replied, "I'm not sure. Debating, more like."

"Debating about what?"

His eyes met mine and there was a brief flash of white as he grinned. "Not yet."

I couldn't help but sigh.

An hour passed, us sitting in front of the candy shop, our supply of sweets slowly dwindling. It was at 7:30 the shop closed, and we watched as the old lady walked away, shoving her shop key in the pocket of her frock. Peeta and I were okay with the silence, of course, but when 8:00 hit, he stood up, helping me up with him.

"Come on, it's getting dark." He glanced up at the sky, which was melting into an array of colors, like the remnants of sherbet ice cream being washed down a drain.

There was no rush getting back home. Every now and then as we walked, Peeta would reach over and very lightly, press his lips to my temple, but nothing else.

When we got to his house, there was hesitation at the door. Peeta bit his lip.

"What?" I asked in an inquisitive tone, subconsciously squeezing my hand around his.

Peeta shook his head. "Nothing. Come on." He opened the door and pulled me inside. "I'll make some tea."

I'd have to admit, some of the best moment with Peeta and I were sitting curled up together on the couch, drinking tea. His arm around be around my shoulders, my head on his chest, and we would say nothing. That was the beauty of our relationships; silence meant more than words did.

Though it was 10:00, we didn't go to bed. I was as awake as ever, and when my third cup of tea was finally drained, I stood up off the couch. "It's getting really late. We should probably be heading to bed."

Peeta, who had stood up with me, was now peering out the window. He apparently didn't hear me. "Come look at this, Katniss." He waved me towards him with the hand that was unoccupied.

I joined him by the window and glanced out as well, the tired request laying forgotten behind me. We both set our mugs down on the windowsill and looked out together.

The stars were out, more brilliant than ever. Like diamonds in the sky, they dangled there in the velvety blanket, accompanied by a moon that had yet to finish waning. But still, it was bright and most certainly beautiful.

"Come on." Peeta's voice was a mere whisper, and he took my hand, pulling me towards the door.

I followed willingly, sticking close by his side as we once again exited the house and made our way around to the back.

Without the warped glass of the window, the stars were even better. They winked at us merrily in the sky, gleaming their brightest. Peeta and I stood there for ten minutes, heads tilted up to stare at the sky. When I sensed Peeta's head turn to look at me, I did the same. But the look in his eyes made me stay silent.

He swallowed barely visibly. "There's been something I wanted to talk to you about, Katniss."

"What?" Though there was no reason to, I kept my voice low, a mere whisper.

He turned to face me straight on, and uncertainly took my other hand under the light of the moon. I could see the light casting creamy shadows down upon him, illuminating his perfect, beautiful features; long eyelashes, wavy golden hair, curved lips that remained in a permanently crooked grin. Everything that made him my Peeta, and I loved.

"The first time I…I didn't do it right." He began, not meeting my eyes. "It was spur-of-the-moment, and I didn't think it through. I didn't weigh the consequences and opportunities before…before asking. But now, in the light of everything, I've never been more aware of you. How you work." Peeta's hand reached up to brush lightly against my cheekbone, then he lowered it back down.

My heart was pounding slowly in my chest. I wasn't sure where he was going with this, but Peeta only used that voice for important things, and the way he looked at me…like he's never looked at me before.

"I've realized I can't wait any longer. It's impossible, thinking of all that's happened in the past year, to love you any more than I do now." He smiled at me, charming and lopsided. "Though, I'm probably going to say the same thing tomorrow. But what I'm saying is that I know I love you, and I know this isn't going to wait anymore."

Now even my heart had gone still, watching and waiting for Peeta and he slowly knelt down to his knees.

"I don't know how to do this right, and I just might screw it up like the first time, but I do know this; I can never, and will never live without you." Peeta kept hold of my hands.

Ever so gently, I squeezed his hands, to let him know I was sort-of on the same page. I knew what was happening. I knew this was coming, I just couldn't comprehend it. All I could do was stand there and stare at him.

"You asked what I was doing for the past few days when I disappear into town." He withdrew one hand from mine, put it into his pocket, and pulled it back out, whatever he was holding concealed in his fingers. Now, with the other hand, he opened the fingers of my left and slid something cold onto my finger. Peeta brought his hand away and curled his fingers once more around my own. "I want you to marry me."

The breath slid out of my lungs in a tiny squeak. My limbs froze right then and there, leaving me unable to blink, to take a step into his arms, to squeeze his fingers back, anything. I was motionless and silent, only trying to regain the ability to breath.

"Say yes." Peeta begged me in a whisper, eyes now locked onto mine.

Tears began flowing unannounced down my cheeks and I half-laughed-half-sobbed. "Yes, Peeta. Yes, yes, yes, I will. I promise. I can't—I can't move."

Peeta began laughing to, and he pulled me down into his arms, laughing and crying all at the same time. Since he was kneeling, and both of us currently consisted of rubber, pulling me down into his arms made Peeta topple over backwards, and he was kissing me all over. My forehead, my cheeks, my neck, my lips.

Though full of tears and laughter, I found the ability to kiss him back, and we were there, tangled together on his backyard lawn. His body pressed mine to the ground, gently but nowhere near gentle. His fingers didn't leave my hair, and everything just vanished. There was no District 12, there was no trees, or birds in the trees. There was even a moment where I was pretty sure even _I _didn't exist. Just Peeta and his arms around me, holding me tight against him.

When we finally broke away, we were both still crying, but it was silent. Our eyes locked together and Peeta cupped my face in his hands. "I've been waiting an eternity for this moment. Right here, just you and me."

_Me too,_ I wanted to say, and be enveloped in his arms once more, but I didn't. Instead, I brought up my left hand to examine the ring on it. Shiny gold metal twined around my finger, sending hair-thin fibers to wrap around a stone set on top. Tiny and luminescent, there was no mistaking.

"Is this…" I brought my eyes back up to Peeta and turned the ring towards him to see, leaving the question hanging in the air.

"The very same." He twined his fingers in mine and brought out hands up to his lips.

But the movement jolted the ring ever so slightly on my finger, so where something on the opposite side of the pearl glinted.

I brought my hand away from Peeta's to stare at the tiny letters.

_Always._

Just one word. One word that meant so much more than either of us could ever say.

Crying again, I wrapped my arms so tightly around Peeta's waist, I never wanted to let go. Just him and me, like this forever.

"I want to stay like this forever." I admitted, a whisper in Peeta's ear. "For ever and never let go."

"I'll allow it."

The words sparked something in my mind, and I let out a small laugh, full of tears and love, and memories so sweet they hurt. "You mean it?"

Peeta looked down at me, and for a moment, our gazes held. Then, very gently, he leaned down to kiss me once, very gently. When he pulled away, my heart was beating again, alive and happy. Peeta wrapped his arms around me and smoothed a bit of my hair back from my forehead.

"Always."

**oOo**

_Wow. Okay. I'm sorry if the end seemed a little bit hasty, but I hope you guys liked it! MUCHMUCHMUCH more fluff next chapter, I SWEAR. WAY more fluff. Super-duper fluffy. :DD I promise. Enjoy!_


	28. Chapter 28

_There was a very important discussion I had with one of my friends, and it was very, very hilarious. But that wasn't my point. My point was: _"Mellark babies" before wedding "Mellark babies" wedding night._ There was the matter of virtues, but we both agreed that even though it would be more 'proper' to wait until the wedding, we just aren't that patient. So my not-so-sincere apologies to anyone who thinks this chapter was not good. But the majority of us would be saying "HECK YEAH!" right about now. (Btw, this chapter starts directly after the last chapter and is still in Katniss' POV)_

**oOo**

I will never forget the look in Peeta's eyes when he said that.

"Always…" He repeated, bending down to brush his mouth against mine, sending a rush of _something _up my spine, making my heart beat even faster. But he pulled away sooner that I had thought, so we just laid there on the grass together, wrapped in each others' arms.

I had turned my head on his shoulder to stare up at the sky. A glassy white orb still hung in the sky, to bright and perfect to be the moon. It looked as if the stars had trimmed it down, making it slightly lopsided. But the light that was illuminating from it was the purest glow of silver, casting shadows among the already black ground, but lighting up the tops of trees and grass.

Peeta, who seemed content staring at me all day, drew in a breath. Then he gave me a brief kiss. "I'll be right back."

I nodded and untangled myself from around him, which was quite a feat. When Peeta vanished among the shadows of the porch, I leaned back on my hands, spreading my legs out in front of me, just drinking in the warm light of the moon.

Like the old times, Peeta was not silent coming back, but he said nothing. I didn't turn around as he sat behind me. I could hear the scratching and rubbing of charcoal on travel canvas, something I've gotten quite used to over the weeks, months, years. Was he drawing me?

There was no doubt.

I stayed where I was, perfectly still, just absorbing the light of the moon. But while I sat, I also thought. Okay, so I was getting married to Peeta. And I knew we both knew what that entitled, and I knew we both knew he wanted children. Except I know that he _doesn't _know that I want them, too.

I was so wound in my thoughts; I didn't hear Peeta put down his charcoal and crawl over to me. Warm lips were pressed on my neck, and I was startled out of my musing.

"Sorry." Peeta apologized, but he didn't seem really sorry, seeing as how he kept his eyes closed and that alluring little smile playing on his mouth as he kissed me.

Of course, there was no time before we were back on the grass, but Peeta was being more careful this time. Gentler. It was so hard for me not to get so wound up in him again.

But if there was any a time to say it, it would be now. I pulled away from him, still so close, yet far enough to say what I wanted to. "Peeta," There was no way I could tear my eyes from his, sparkling blue. "You wanted to know what I really, _really _wanted. Why I was making a big deal about everything. You asked me what I was chasing after, what—deep in the back of my mind—was I actually wanting to get done with all this."

Peeta nodded, slowly. Though he just proposed to me, and I had said yes, and adrenaline was pounding through our every nerve, he still found the ability to concentrate 100% on what I was saying. That was something I loved about him.

"I want…" God, this was going to sound awful. This was going to sound so cheesy and terrible and… I sighed, fighting back frustrated tears. I couldn't tell him.

"What is it, Katniss?" Peeta cupped the side of my face with his hand, tracing the line of my jaw with his pinky finger. "Please tell me. Please."

I swallowed. "It's stupid, though. Maybe right now isn't the right…" This was getting awkward; me pinned underneath Peeta, on the verge of crying because I couldn't _tell _him what was on my mind.

"Please." He slowly pulled one of his knees under him to get the weight off of me, so I could sit up properly. "I want to know. It's not stupid."

"How do you know? I haven't—I haven't told you…" A grimace painted my face, and I felt awful for doing this probably the most memorable night of our lives.

"Its okay, Katniss. Please tell me." Peeta touched the side of my face with his thumb. "What do you want? Just start it like that. You want…?"

Here we go… I took a deep breath. "I want…I want to-to have children with…with you." Ahhh that sounded so lame and horrible… I turned my face away from Peeta so he couldn't see the shame in my eyes.

But a slim artist finger touched the other side of my chin, and forced me to look at him. Peeta, who was looking concerned, yet thrilled. He opened his mouth to say something, but I stopped him.

"Don't-don't tell me to think about it. I've thought about it a lot, maybe more than I should have. I'm one-hundred percent sure and there's nothing you can say about that. No 'think it over' or 'that's excellent'." Though my face was still burning red in embarrassment, it was less difficult to look him in the eyes.

"Then what should I say?" Peeta had paused for a moment before saying that, in a low whisper.

My head shook, slowly and uncertainly. When I spoke, it was with insecurity and a low voice as well. But when Peeta's voice was low with curiosity and elation, mine was low because I knew exactly what I wanted. Exactly. My lips trembled, and the words were barely words at all. "Nothing."

That was all it took.

Peeta looked at me through shining eyes as he bent closer, and there was no time to think before he pressed me to the ground again, but this time, with a different intention.

My heart raced a million miles an hour. Was this what I wanted? Right here, right now? I knew I wanted children, but-but _now_? Without being married? Who is this and what did he do with Peeta?

I loved this, being with Peeta this intimate under the lazy moons' light. But it wasn't the right place. As hard as it was, I forced myself to pull away from Peeta's lips. Ragged breaths raked from inside both our lungs, and Peeta momentarily propped himself up on his elbows.

There was no need for him to speak. I spoke for him. Well, stuttering and panting was more like it. "We—I… I don't think here is the-the best place… We're-We're not even married or-or anything…"

Peeta took a moment to breath. Then he swept hair out of his eyes and looked down at me apologetically, though the mischievous sparkle had not yet vanished. "Sorry. I know that this isn't…the best time. Before the actual…wedding and such."

But I could see the disappointed light in his eyes when he prepared to get up.

I gripped his arms, preventing him from leaving just then, feeling guilty. "No, no, it's just that…" A sigh whistled from my throat and I swallowed again. "I know it's before getting married, but I've been…not fair to you."

One of his eyebrows raised in a sympathetic look. "No. You've been perfect."

Ugh. Could he be _truthful _for once? I'm not perfect. I'm anything—and everything—but.

"That's not what I mean, Peeta. I have been so sickeningly unfair to you. When we were 'married' the first time, we both claimed it was for-for Alexis, but I knew what you meant. I knew your intentions and such, but… I was awful. We were both so wound in my troubles and whining; being 'married' meant nothing. It was insane and-and…"

There was a pause, in which neither of us even breathed.

"And I'm tired of waiting. I've been lying to you—to both of us, and I don't want to anymore. I'm done with lying, with being a bad…partner, or whatever. Right now…" I trailed off, hoping Peeta would finish the rest of my sentence in his own head.

He did.

Peeta sat up, never letting go of my hand. "Then come on. Not outside."

And as if in slow motion, he helped me up and we were floating up the porch steps, into the house, up the stairs, and into his bedroom. Contrary to what I would have previously thought, time didn't slow down, and my senses didn't turn off. Instead, everything was amplified.

I could hear the loud beating of both of our hearts as if it was a bass drum right next door. I could feel Peeta's hair tickling my fingertips, his lips firmly on mine, every inch of our bodies pressed together. I swear I could even hear the trees laughing at us as they kissed the sky.

This was new to me, this feeling of ecstasy I got from being this close. The first time, it was nothing. Meaningless. I tried to pretend that never happened. But this; this was unforgettable and undeniable.

I guess I shouldn't get too worked up though. Before we got too far, something inside me changed, turned around, jolting me out of my seventh heaven. I was so surprised I pulled away, gasping. It was then I realized I wasn't wearing a shirt. Or…or anything on top for that matter. Oh god. Oh god, oh god, oh god…

Breathing growing frantic and terrified, I scrambled away from Peeta, clutching a blanket to my chest. My heart was hammering against my ribs painfully, and my vision only cleared in time to see Peeta on the other side of the bed, looking confused.

"What's the matter?" He reached out to me to touch my cheek.

A sob built up in my throat and I pressed the blanket to my face, ashamed. What was wrong with me? I had no problem with it the first time… But actually sitting back and realizing… A tiny whimper escaped my throat and I pressed the covers hard to my eyes, feeling mortified and humiliated.

"We don't have to if you don't want to, Katniss." Peeta tucked a lock of my hair behind my ear. "This is your choice, you know."

"I-I know…" I took my head away from the blankets and looked at him through a blur of tears. "I'm just…"

How _could _I explain that? It was all fine when I couldn't think straight, but as soon as I realized what was actually happening, it scared me. But is there even a reason to be scared? I'm not even married, and I thought about…

Peeta, whose chest was also bare, chanced wrapping his arm around my shoulder. "I'm serious. This doesn't have to happen if you don't want it to."

Grateful he acted as though I wasn't half-naked, I gulped down past the lump in my throat. "No." My voice was just a whisper. "I'm just…just nervous. I surprised myself."

There was a moment when we both paused, taking a moment to breathe. Now, doubts started to press upon me. We _weren't_ married. Sure, it's not illegal to…to sleep with someone when you're not married. But legal or not, it was still immoral. But…I owed this to Peeta, to both of us. We've been practically married for two and a half _years, _but the thought us doing this and it actually meaning something…it made me nervous.

While we sat there, Peeta contented himself with running the tips of his fingers along the scars on my abdomen. The horrid pink one where I had grafted skin, the ragged splotch on my stomach from the gunshot, the wide one running vertically over my belly button. He traced all of those, staying silent if only for my sake.

A vacant expression took to his face, concerned but elsewhere.

What was stopping me? I'm not going to say morality, nor my family. I can't say this is a bad time. Frankly, there was nothing at all holding me back from doing this. Just as soon as I was able to see through the adrenaline numbness, it shocked me. It wasn't me acting, allowing him to-to take of my shirt and such.

I shrank down in the covers, thankful it was dark or Peeta'd be able to see the crimson rush across my cheeks. When Peeta looked down at me, a memory jolted back into my mind. After the Quarter Quell interviews…Johanna Mason…Peeta laughed at me and had called me pure_. _I had been angry at him, but there was nothing wrong with being pure. And I was, I realized. Very.

Peeta seemed to register the remembrance on my face as something else, because a small smile stretched across his mouth. "What?"

My eyes were wide, but not in panic. "I _am _pure." The words came out in a whisper, and as soon as they came out, Peeta started laughing.

I could feel tension melting away like butter on a hot stovetop. A grin threatened to twitch my face, too. "It's true. You said it back during the Quell. It's true."

Peeta sank down into the covers with me, crossing his arms behind his head. "Is that what's going on? You're too pure?"

I nearly laughed. It came out as a snort instead. "Hardly. I've already lost my virginity and it isn't coming back. Pureness has nothing to do with this."

He laughed at this, too, but something in his eyes threatened not to go into details. That was okay. I didn't like remembering that day much, either.

"It's just nervousness." I assured him again.

Peeta's head turned towards me and his eyes lazily drank in the lines of my face, finally landing on my eyes. "I can help with that, you know."

I knew that quiet tone of voice. I wasn't sure whether to agree or high-tail it out of here and spend the night locked in a bathroom, too afraid to do anything else. But instead of doing either, I just kept my eyes on his, watching as he propped himself up on an elbow, eyes suddenly glazed over.

When Peeta kissed me, I was positive my heart was going to slam out of its cage.

He took it slow at first, just cupping his hand to the side of my face. This, I was used to. His lips were on mine, gentle but unyielding. My heart rate was going up every second he was doing this, but it altogether stopped when I felt the tip of his tongue press against my bottom lip.

A small, surprised gasp bubbled out my nose and before I knew it, I was giggling. For no reason, honestly. It went from there, I suppose. My maniac laughter led to other such things. Locking myself to him, I wished this would never end.

Tonight, it was just me, Peeta, and the clock on the wall, ticking away the hours we had until dawn.

**oOo**

_I can't stop grinning. "Saint" my butt, Michelle :D But it wasn't too bad was it? Not M-rated, certainly? I've read worse… But I'm thinkin—wait. I'm not telling. It'll give it awaaaayy. Hehehehe… As you probably noticed, that last line was also the title of a poem, but doesn't really go to the poem content. At least…the last half. This chapters' poems are "Rapture" and "Tonight". Actually , I think I'll show you "Tonight" on this chapter. REVIEW. REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!_

_Are my words_

_Enough to say "I'm sorry"?_

_Can I tell you what_

_I really mean?_

_Will you understand_

_When I say "I've been unfair"?_

_And forget all those monsters that I've been?_

_Tonight's the night_

_I will not sleep,_

_Warm glass of milk,_

_No counting sheep,_

_I don't want to fall asleep,_

_I have my own drug right beside me._

_You're all I need_

_To make the world_

_Disappear_

_Tonight's the night_

_I will forget them,_

_The moon will gleam,_

_My vacant dreams,_

_Will haunt me no more._

_Tonight belongs to just us two_

_Tonight we have nothing to do,_

_Lies,_

_Lies,_

_There's nothing more I want to do_

_Tonight,_

_Than you._


	29. Chapter 29

_Wow. Wowie-wow-wowzer. I am feeling all strung out and high. HAHAHA. This is great. Phew…_

**oOo**

Waking up was sluggish. My body was up first, my mind tagging along. I could almost hear the groaning aloud in my head, right up until I opened my eyes.

The first thing I saw was blond hair. In fact, my face was buried in the stuff. Blinking sleep from my eyes, I lifted my head away from the hair brushing my nose, and saw the clock. _11:39. _No sunlight shone through the closed curtains, but even the time didn't matter. It could have been three in the morning, but it made no difference, really.

Peeta's arms were around my waist, gentle and comfy, fingers laced on the small of my back. _My _arms, however, were sprawled on his chest, my face buried in his hair. Originally, it would have been an awkward position to be in, but right now? I could never be happier.

I could feel the warm comforter tangled around our bodies, but even more, every inch of Peeta's soft skin touching mine, from our shoulders, all the way town to our feet, which were touching only enough to tickle.

But I knew, and if he was awake, Peeta knew, what just happened. I wasn't ashamed. I wasn't scared or nervous, or guilty like I felt over half a year ago. All I felt was euphoria, raw and pulsing through my still-half-asleep body. It didn't make me feel more awake, just deliriously happy.

I could have stayed there forever, wrapped around Peeta's unclothed torso, feeling his heart through my own chest. But forever didn't happen. In fact, I could feel when exactly Peeta woke up, if that made any sense. Under my fingertips, through the stillness of the moment, I could feel a slight falter in the slow, steady beating of his heart. Then his chest rose with a slow intake of breath.

I flicked my eyes up to his face to watch him as his own, brilliant blue ones opened as well. When they did, there was not a second he paused before lowering his gaze down to me. A sparkle glimmered in the back of his eyes and a beautiful smile stretching across his lips. He didn't say anything, though.

Peeta's arms tightened around my waist, and I felt his fingers trace unknown patterns in the bare skin of my lower back. Nothing was said, though. We kept the presence of silence welcome, snuggled under the covers with us. But it left, soon, accompanied by Peeta bending over and pressing the side of his face to my own, gently.

"I love you." His voice was low and mellow, tickling the tiny hairs on my neck.

A shiver ran up my spine and I pressed closer to him, wanting to just disappear in the warmth he provided; sink into his skin and never have to leave. "I love you, too."

Those words have been spoken over and over, maybe a hundred times between me and Peeta. Over and over I've heard them and repeated them back, but it didn't mean quite as much as they did right now. I could repeat them again, and maybe even a third time, and have the feeling still linger, still make me only want more. Still make me believe that they were true and nothing could persuade me otherwise.

"I sure hope you were serious last night when you said you wanted children." I could hear the laughter in Peeta's voice as he joked. "Because we might be a bit preoccupied in a few months."

I felt a smile each my mouth and for a minute, I silently agreed with him. But in my mind, last time we…we did it popped up. There weren't really any feelings for me to feel about it. Happy, sad, upset. I didn't feel any of those. But Peeta's little joke got mashed right in with the memory, making me think.

The chanced were good, now, that I was going to be pregnant. Last time I wasn't, but that was probably a good thing. I didn't need a child then. Another one. But maybe it was good in the short run, but not that I actually stopped to consider, I had time to consider this.

What if I didn't get pregnant because…because one of us is unable to have children? My eyes widened a fraction, realization thumping into me head-first. I was so excited…so excited I had finally admitted to Peeta I wanted to-to have a kid, and we even tossed aside our lovely virtues (and for Peeta, that's _saying _something) to be able to have one. But now, presented with the possible reality of being unable to have one frightened me more than the possibility of having one.

Peeta, who seemed content gazing at my face for the rest of time, seemed to notice my change in mood. He slid one of his hands up my back to brush a piece of mussed hair away from my eyes. "What is it, love?"

I told him. After all, there really wasn't any reason to keep secrets any more.

Peeta paused for a moment. Then he took a breath. "Well, if that's true, I hope it's me so you'll still be able to have one."

Beads of saltwater rimmed my eyes and I blinked them away. No matter how chivalrous his offer was, I knew it would crush him all the same to have that be the case. I knew there was nothing he wanted more in the world than a kid of his own. Having some strangers' baby in me and raising it would never be the same.

Swallowing, I just rested my head back on Peeta's collarbone and stayed silent. There wasn't really any right thing to say to that.

Peeta stroked his thumb on my shoulder blade, rubbing it in comforting circles. "I'm serious. I will go to the ends of the earth to get you that baby, I swear, Katniss. I promise you."

"No!" The word came out, full of tears and angst, before I could event think. But then again, there really wasn't much to think about. "I-I mean… I don't _want _some strangers' baby. I can't…" Forcefully, I shoved that thought away. "We can't think like that. We're able. There's nothing wrong with us."

A sympathetic sort of half-smile twitched the corner of Peeta's mouth upwards. "Mentally or physically?"

I couldn't help but smile at that. Blame it on Peeta for refusing to let me mope.

He kissed me fondly on the lips. "Don't fret about it. It'd ruin the moment to be upset right now."

"True." I decided to do as he said, for once. I shifted my position on his chest and relaxed, my mind grazing lazy over the fact that I was not exactly clothed. In fact, Peeta was right. Clothes _were_ overrated. I was perfectly content laying here, curled around him, never having to worry about clothes again.

We laid there still for a while, wrapped around each other, having the delight of feeling the closeness of one another. When I thought back to last night, I had imagined it would've been fuzzy, seeing as how my brain seemed to have shut off quite early. But no, I remembered. Right down to when Peeta kissed my cheek and pulled my head onto his shoulder to sleep. We were both exhausted and, true, it was late (or extremely early, as Peeta'd put it), but we didn't sleep right away. In fact, that was only the first out of three times we settled down. It was actually somewhere around four in the morning when I fell asleep for real.

The hours we spent together bounced around in my mind, pleased to repeat itself over and over. In fact, it must have been around an hour later we moved again. Peeta took a breath and let it out, tightening his arms briefly around me, then loosening them.

"Maybe it's time to get up at have breakfast." He said, words mumbled against the skin of my back.

"You mean late lunch." I shifted my position so where I was laying on my side, arms still draped over Peeta's torso. "It's one in the afternoon."

"Excellent. Sandwiches are easy to make." He grinned slightly with his eyes closed, and I felt his hand trace the slender curve of my side, down past my hip.

I tried not to squeak. "Why do you sound glad about that?" I sounded somewhat breathless, even though I haven't been doing anything but lie here for the past few hours. My heart was starting to speed up.

"I'd burn anything else if it involved cooking."

I gave him a slightly confused look. "On purpose? Why?"

Peeta leaned over to put his lips not an inch from mine. He smiled. "I'd be too preoccupied with the thoughts of you."

I felt my mouth curve up in a smile, and I unlatched my arms from his waist, only to twine them around his neck. That was an unbearably sweet thing he said, and there was no way I was letting him get away with it.

When I pulled Peeta's head down to kiss him, he did the obvious thing. His body shifted above me, and his arms pulled me closer to him. I let out a choked laugh and pulled away.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry…" I was giggling like a maniac. Even though I was Katniss Everdeen (therefore rarely giggles), I was entitled to a few circumstances it was allowed. This night made up all four of them.

Peeta still hadn't let go of me, but he traced his lips all the way down my neck. I felt him smiling against my collarbone. "No need to be sorry."

He lifted his head up momentarily to flash me a wicked look. His eyes were sparkling.

"What's that face for?" I insisted, trying hard not to start giggling again.

"Oh, nothing." Peeta said in an obviously lying voice, and shook his hair out of his eyes. "It just may be that you're hilariously ticklish, and I just may be about to get you!"

I had no time to think, or even register the crescendo at the end of that sentence. I only had time to let out a surprised shriek before he was tickling me. He hasn't exactly tickled me like this at all; he just figured I was because I giggle whenever he touches my neck, but this time tears came streaming down my face as I laughed.

Peeta was laughing too, obviously. He poked my sides and tickled my neck. In barely no time at all, I was doubled over in an instinctive position to get away from the evil pair of hands that wouldn't allow me a breath. I giggling and rolled, crying while laughing, squirming away from Peeta.

"S-Stop, stop…!" I choked, snorting against Peeta's shoulder. I was curled into a little ball, face pressed up against his arm, wheezing and gagging.

He stopped, but sparing one last little jab in the ribs.

Though Peeta wasn't tickling me anymore, I was still laughing, and wiped tears from my eyes. "You…" I puffed. "Are evil."

Peeta grinned. "I know. But I can't resist an opening to make you giggle."

"You've always known how to make me laugh." Yes, and half of the ways had been accomplished in the last twenty-four hours.

"Not necessarily true." He gave me a fond kiss, but left it at that. "It's after twelve. Maybe we should get up now."

I wanted to stay in bed with him all _week_, but the only reasoning I'd have to defend my side would be 'because I want to'. It's better than nothing, I guess. So I sighed and pressed close to Peeta. "But I don't want to get up." My voice came out in a quiet whine.

As always, Peeta's arms wound automatically around me and he kissed the top of my head. "Neither do I, believe me. But we can't stay in bed all day."

"Yes we can."

"Katniss."

"What?" I lifted my head off his chest and stared at him with a jokingly indignant look in my eyes. "_You_ don't want to stay right here for the rest of your life?"

I felt Peeta's nose just barely brush my cheekbone as he breathed in my scent. "That's exactly my reasoning. I _do _want to stay here with you. So badly." He gave me a brief squeeze with his strong arms. "But if I let myself, nothing will get done."

"What do you need to get done?" I felt my chest swell with his close presence, with pure adoration. I sighed a barely noticeable sigh and pressed my cheek against the warm surface of Peeta's shoulder.

"Our wedding cake. And I'm sure you'd want to go see your mother and Prim."

"Meh." I groaned, and reached up to rub my eyes. "Fine. Getting up!" With a reluctant groan, I lifted myself up into a sitting position, as did Peeta.

My muscles were a bit stiff spending a period of almost fifteen hours straight in bed. I stretched the crick out of my back and looked over at Peeta. His mouth was twitched into a small smile.

"What?" I frowned slightly, self-conscious. "What is it?" I fought the urge to cross my arms over my chest.

"Nothing." He looked away, still grinning, and we both swung out legs over the sides of the bed, backs to each other. _Men. _

I reached down to pluck my trousers off the floor a few feet away and I pulled them on. It felt oddly constricting after not wearing them for over a dozen hours. A smile crept onto my lips at the thought. A feet more feet away, closer to the wardrobe, was my undershirt. I had to crawl off the bed and reach over to get it. I was halfway in the process of tugging it on when arms wrapped around me from behind.

Peeta buried his face in my neck and kissed me. "It's going to be hard being away from you today. Even for just a few hours."

"Well, don't die." Sarcasm dripped from my voice, along with amusement, because I was thinking the same. I turned around to wrap my arms around Peeta's warm torso.

He had already put on _his _pants, so I wasn't sure whether or not to accept the fact that I was disappointed.

"Lunch first, then parting of the ways." He didn't bother putting a shirt on, and with an arm around my shoulders, he led me down to the kitchen.

I helped him with our late lunch, cutting potatoes for the soup. Peeta was right next to me the whole time, and couldn't keep his eyes—or hands—off of me. I didn't blame him, of course, every time he reached over to kiss me or poke me in the side. No matter how it seemed, Peeta was indeed a teenage boy, and our history had nothing whatsoever to do with the amount of hormones we allied ourselves with. And I could certainly say I didn't even know I had that many, but _wow. _So I definitely didn't blame Peeta for acting like a teenage boy. After all, he was one.

At 2:30 our late lunch was done, and we sat together on the couch to eat instead of the table. Peeta wanted to have his arm around my waist the entire time, and inwardly I wondered how he would react to us not being together for a few hours. The thought made me scoff slightly.

We ate, and when the dishes were cleaned up and we both were fully dressed, Peeta and I stood at the doorway.

"So you're off to your mothers?" He asked me, twining our fingers between us. "To…?"

I lifted up my left hand and waggled my fingers in front of him. The pearl—_my _pearl—gleamed on the finger closest to my pinky. "To tell them the news."

Peeta nodded, and his eyes floated down to my shirt. A grin lit up his face. "You're covered in grass." I glanced down. "From last night."

It was hard not to laugh as well. If I tell Mother and Prim I got engaged last night, and they say the grass embedded in the cotton of my T-shirt, there would be some definite suspicion there. It'd be impossible to keep last night a secret with bits of lawn ground into me. With a small chuckle, I began sweeping the stuff off with a hand.

Peeta helped. "I think I'm going to open up the bakery again. People will not be too pleased I shut it down for a month. I'll open it back up and work on the cake. It's going to be amazing." I could tell from the sparkle in his eyes that Peeta already had an idea.

"I can't wait." That statement was genuine, and I reached up to kiss him lightly. He deepened it. When we broke away, I was smiling. "You're right; we're never going to get anything done."

He grinned. "I'll see you later." But his hands didn't leave my waist. I had a feeling this was going to be a long goodbye.

"No later than ten. I promise." I gave Peeta one last kiss and turned away from him. It was harder than I had imagined. Funnily enough, when I turned around, Peeta hadn't moved from where he had been standing. His eyes were trained on me, a fond smile stretched across his lips.

"I'm going!" I couldn't wipe the grin from my face as well, and forced myself to turn back around and head back to Mothers' house.

I had a feeling this was going to be a very long day without him.

**oOo**

_I absolutely loved that chapter, though I had very much trouble ending it. That's okay though. It was okay fluff-wise? Or should it have been fluffier? I don't know, but the thought of Peeta being a normal hormonal teenage boy makes me laugh. But trust me, if I had my way, it would have been a whole lot more…y'know…"fluffier", let's leave it at that. "Perverted" works, too. But it's rated T for a reason, and I'm leaving it at that. _

_Now, don't forget to review, y'all. I'm expecting a lot! If your week is anything like mine, you have major SBA testing for school. Good luck to everyone, and I'm going to share a bit of advice from my teacher: Don't forget exactly what you're doing, who you're doing it for, and no one's out to get you. If it seems harder than it should be, you're doing it wrong. If it seems like you're using math in English, you're doing it wrong. Get some good sleep and don't fail! :D Love you guys, and have a good week!_


	30. Chapter 30

_Sorry this took so long to get out. I had major writers-block. But comparing my updating times to other peoples' updating times, I'm doing superb. Three months is not my thing. XD This chapter is dedicated to Rosa, who recently came back and pummeled me with her much-missed dirtiness. And it is also dedicated to Michelle for helping me out a lot closer to the end, and pummeling me for getting it done faster. _

_Okay, a message to invisibleme1835: YES. That sounds awesome, and ditto. But you seem to have PM's blocked, so I wasn't able to reply. You can unblock that and sand me a review or another PM or something. :D Thanks!_

**oOo**

Though I missed Peeta immediately after I left, most pining thoughts faded a bit when I got to Mothers' house. She had the day off today, so it was her and not Primrose when the door was answered. She looked exhausted from working so much, but her eyes twinkled with motherly love when she saw me standing there.

"Katniss." She held out her arm, pulled me into a one-armed hug, and planted a kiss on my cheek. "How are you? I haven't _actually _seen you in quite some time."

"I'm good. I have some…news to share, and this time much more time to share it with." I still felt strung-out and happy from last night, so it was near impossible fighting off the smile threatening to spread across my face.

"Well, don't burst, now." Mother laughed and we walked inside.

I sighed at the familiarity of the house when I walked in. The memorable aroma of fresh flowers wafted around the living room, accompanied with the soapy scent I always associated with my mother. Primrose was sitting on the couch in a pretty yellow dress, brushing her fluffy orange cat. Even though she was turning fifteen soon, she was still as childlike as she was years ago. I felt my heart reached out to my little sister._ Stay young as long as possible_, I wanted to tell her. We have time.

When she heard me come in, Prim looked up. "Katniss!" With an annoyed meow, Buttercup thumped to the ground.

I got bombarded with hugs from my family. As I coughed blond hair out of my mouth, I couldn't help but squeeze them back. "I'm only a feet yards away from you. You could visit every once and a while, if you really miss me _this _much."

"Of course not." Primrose spoke in a tone suggesting it was utterly out of the question. "You and Peeta need your quiet time without us. It's _your _house after all."

I made a scoffing noise, and let them pull away from me with adoring eyes, but Primrose kept hold of my left hand. "We're all a family in this. You don't need to hesitate visiting." Though, as I said it, I imagined how catastrophic it would have been to have Mother and Prim take a lovely visit to our house last night. I grimaced inwardly. "Well…knock first."

They both laughed, and Mother brushed off the front of her apron. She was…cleaning? Cooking? "So, you said you have some news."

Swallowing down nervousness and fear of reject, I held up the hand Primrose was holding so my pearl glowed dully in the florescent lighting. It took a split-second for their expectant faces to latch onto my finger. When they did, Mothers' face puckered gleefully in surprise, and Prim squealed.

"He didn't! He _did_!"

"Ooh, he proposed! Ooh!"

"And the ring, it's your _pearl_!

"AAH! When did he do it?"

"This is so GREAT!"

"I'm so excited!"

My family bounced around me, beaming and glowing and congratulating me. Prim gripped my arms.

"When is the wedding?" She was glowing bright red with excitement.

Through all the hubbub, I found myself grinning too. "I-I don't know, we didn't talk about it. Too many questions!"

Mother, who had her worn hands clapped to her worn cheeks, seemed to be crying.

"What?" My smile faltered just a tiny bit. Mother noticed.

"No, no, no!" She said frantically and put her skinny arms around my shoulders. "I'm crying because I'm happy for you, Katniss."

"Oh." Feeling slightly dumb, I hugged my mother back, inwardly thinking I don't get nearly enough time with her.

Mother, with tears still on her face, drew back and held the hand with my ring on it. "When we got back here I thought you'd never be happy. And I was _so_ worried that the depression would go deeper, and-and I didn't want that." She was bawling with happiness now, and all I could do was watch as she wiped fat tears away. "He's made you so happy, Katniss, and I could never ask any more of him."

Now _I_ felt tears prick my eyes. "Mother…"

"Where is he now?" She was making a furious attempt to scrub the wetness from her eyes as she searched around the room for a jacket. "We _must_ go and congratulate him."

"Ah—he's…" I bit my lip, not knowing for certain. But I had a faint idea. "I-I think he's back in the bakery. I'm not sure. But we can visit him another time…"

No one caught on to my subtle hints. _Really_ subtle hints.

"Nonsense!" Mother pulled a jacket over her petite figure and Prim did the same, garmenting her lovely yellow dress with a green cover. She looked like a pretty little flower herself. "Something like this shouldn't get put off."

I had no choice but to follow.

Mother stopped at the door, however, with more tears in her eyes. She reached up to wipe them. "Time sure has gone by."

"Mother."

"Okay, okay!" With a flustered wave of her hand, she waved me and Prim outside, and followed after.

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. Of course, something like this happens, my family _has_ to be in the loop. There's screaming, congratulating, and of course, rushing to everyone else involved and more screaming. It was funny, the way they worked, but it didn't bother me. It just made me a bit squirmy to see how Peeta'll react. There's no doubt he's still…jittery, but I would have imagined something quieter than a store-ful of my screaming family would make him ecstatic.

The bakery was a ten-minute walk from Mothers' house, and sure enough, it was open. Glowing yellow lit up the inside of the shop, and the smell of baking bread wafted in our noses when we walked in. Though the bakery had been closed for a little over a month, it was obvious no time was being wasted starting again.

Peeta was not behind the counter like I had expected. The wide door to the back kitchen was slightly ajar, all the delicious smells coming from there. Dill, cinnamon, fluffy butter, baking raisins…I was able to pick out most of the flavors I could taste, but that moment didn't last too long.

My lovely little sister, who noticed Peeta's absence too, glanced around once, then without any notice, opened the back door and skipped in. Mother, still happily flustered, followed after.

"N—!" I was about to protest, then sighed. There was no stopping them.

And, sure enough, three seconds later I heard the squeals of my family as they embraced Peeta as well. There was no escaping the moment I stepped into the bakery, Primrose clung to my waist.

"I can't believe you're…you're…" She beamed, blue eyes that were identical to Mothers' shining.

Feelings self-conscious, I hugged her back, knowing full-well Peeta was watching my reaction. "You're…making too big of deal out of it." I didn't mention how we already got married _once. _This time is was just way more real and special.

I looked up from my little sisters' hair and saw Peeta staring at me. His eyes were crinkled into a familiar look. It told me he doesn't mind my family barreling towards him like bulls and inviting themselves into his bakery to hop up and down and scream. He doesn't mind because it was for a good cause. I felt a small blush creep onto my cheeks.

"No, we're _not_ making too big of deal about it!" Prim insisted, letting go of me. "This _is_ a big deal. Ooh I can't wait until the wedding." She giggled and scooted over by Mother to giggle some more.

What was with my family today?

"Is that what's this is about?" Peeta, being humorous and good-natured as always, wiped his hands off on his apron to relieve them of flour (or what hadn't gotten rubbed off on Mother and Prim). He glanced up at me and shot off one, very inconspicuous, wink. I felt another blush spread aross my cheeks.

"Katniss showed us the ring." Primrose took my hand and pulled it up at eye level so the ring could be seen by all. "It's _so_ gorgeous! And it's the actual pearl, isn't it? The one from the Quell?"

Peeta, who was temporarily preoccupied with a loaf of bread that announced itself done from the oven, looked back up. "Of course."

"You saved it after all those years?" Prim was about to explode with excitement, I was sure of it. "That's so…so _sweet_."

This time, he spared a grin, but didn't say anything.

Prim was still holding my hand up, but at the weird angel twisted, she got a glimpse of the other side of the metal band. She did a double take and examined the ring closer. "It says something on it…"

Mother, who didn't know this was true, scurried in for a closer look as well. I was feel extremely self-conscious by then, so I took my hand back, not unkindly. "Back at the house. We interrupted Peeta during his baking."

"I'm fine, really!" Peeta insisted, and I knew that he was, but I insisted anyway.

Mother, understanding a little too late my intentions, she put her thin arm around her youngest daughter. "We'll be waiting outside."

And they frolicked off, barely hiding their giggles with fists stuffed in their mouths.

Sighing a little sigh, I turned back to face Peeta. "Sorry they crashed into your kitchen unannounced."

Peeta looked at me with an exasperated, humored look. But instead of defending whatever his viewpoint was, he put his arms on my shoulders and rested his forehead against mine. "You don't know how hard it is to be away from you after last night. It was very nearly impossible."

"We should have done this tomorrow." I breathed in the scent of his closeness and wanted to go back out and wave my family to go on without me. "Now that I came in, it's not going to be easy leaving."

Peeta brushed his lips against my neck. "Tell me about it…"

I had to suck in my breath to not laugh. "Don't do that! They're probably listening in right now."

He didn't respond to that part, but obediently pulled his mouth away from my neck. "What were you doing in town?"

"Nothing, actually." It was the truth for the most part. "Except see you. I went to their house, told them the news, and they tackled me first. But no way they'd forget you. You're part of the family, now, too."

He smiled at the thought, and shifted his hands so where they were curled around my lower waist. His thumbs just barely grazed my stomach, and for a second, I saw something flash behind his eyes. Peeta looked back down at me, a barely inconspicuous smile spreading across his lips. I knew what he was thinking. I couldn't help but think of that, too.

"Do you think…?" The end of my sentence hung in the air, and I bit my lower lip.

With his hands, Peeta pulled me closer and kissed me once, gently. "I do think."

That made something in my chest tug closer to him, and I kissed him again. The awareness of my family waiting for me faded. _They can wait… _The pounding of both our hearts seemed to be the only sound in this kitchen, and the room before me was spinning as we clutched each other in our arms. I fed off this like a _drug_. Previous thoughts of Mother and Prim at all vanished. Just vanished.

With a kick of adrenaline, I felt the tip of Peeta's tongue press slightly against my top lip. My heart skipped a beat (or fifty) and it was all I could do not to moan and pull him down to the floor. _This is a bakery, _I reminded myself. Not our house. I had to pull away, extremely reluctantly. My stomach was still twitching with the feeling of Peeta's mouth on mine.

"I-I should probably…" I was winded, and knew my face was bright red. But I didn't want to do anything except stay here with Peeta.

He was panting too, and looked elated. "Aw, do you have to?"

I was feeling the same way. My eyes flicked over to the nearly-closed door, and I felt suddenly embarrassed. What if someone came in while we were…? "Yeah, I think I do. But um…" My mind was still painfully foggy, and the fact that Peeta kept giving me little kisses every few seconds was difficult as well. "Yeah…"

Peeta grinned, obviously humored with the reaction my brain had every time he kissed me. "I should probably get back to work, too."

I had to admit, somewhere deep inside of me wished he would have said, 'no, Katniss, stay here with me. Who cares about your Mother and Prim waiting for us outside?' But he didn't, so I had to reluctantly detach myself from him. "So…no later than ten, right?"

He seemed to consider this. "I'll give you half an hour, how's that?"

I laughed. "I'll be back before ten. Now get some work done." A slight aroma of nearly-burnt bread seemed to touch my nose, but I could have been just imaging it. I may have been expecting a little much out of him, but there was no way I was getting out of there without being tugged into yet another kiss with a wide sweep of his arm. A noise of surprised bubbled from my mouth, muffled against his.

"Okay." Peeta pulled away, satisfied. "You can go now, but…" His eyes raked the room for an unknown something. They fell on a tray of cooling cookies that were on a shelf a few feet away. Peeta grabbed those and shoved them into a bag. "Take these. As an excuse for taking so long."

"Thanks." I peered inside and my mouth began to water. I forced myself to look up again. "These should work just fine, thank you. I should be off now." I was as reluctant as ever.

"I'll see you soon."

His eyes were twinkling when I turned around and left.

The cookies worked. Mother, Prim and I wandered the town, me captured in between the demanding arms of my family. It was okay, though, because I loved them more than anything, and I was too happy to care. We browsed a variety of shops, occasionally swapping words, but I could feel it when Primrose lingered for a split-second longer than usual at the door of the dress shop. Most of the dresses in there were for an exorbitant amount of money, but they were beautiful to look at. Like the cakes in the bakery window.

A few times the topic of weddings crossed my mind, forcing me to think about it. I didn't necessarily want to have a big wedding, but this was quite an event from other peoples' eyes. The Mockingjay was finally getting married to the boy who confessed his love so many years ago, then unrequited. People would want to come, which means I would probably have to make a speech of some sort, and even worse, I'd have to wear clothing. Pretty dresses and smiles and talking to people. Not my thing exactly. Ugh. I'd have to bring it up with Peeta tonight, I suppose.

It was apparent Mother needed to pick up some of her normal household supplies, because we picked up a bit of everything as we strolled around town; yarn, wax, a few spare dishcloths. She even bought a few pounds of food from the butcher, and I turned my head, ridden with guilt. They were burdened with the extra expense of meat, not having me hunting for them anymore.

It wasn't like I didn't _feel_ like it or anything. Being out in the woods alone, hearing the babbling of the spring and the muted rustle of forest animals…it all reminded me of Gale too much, and the happy hours we spent together hunting and fishing. I missed the security of him watching my back, and it was gone. I knew I was able to hunt alone, that wasn't the problem. Grief overtook me every time, sending me into yet another awful wave of depression that hurt Peeta as much as me.

It got to be five at night, and we finally trudged home, tired and hungry. Mother fixed a delicious, thick cheesy soup that was accompanied with a type of crunchy bread. Though we were too busy stuffing our faces to talk, there was a good hour-long period of which we sat around the table talking and laughing. Finally, it turned eight o'clock, and Primrose yawned.

"I think it's time for us to hit the sack, Katniss." Mother smiled tiredly, and added with a grimace, "More work tomorrow."

"Am I coming?" Primrose looked excited, despite her previous tired manner.

"Yes, dear. Tuesday and Thursday."

"Yay!" My little sister did a slight cheer, but the reality of my departure dawning on her, she slumped. "It's a shame you've moved in with Peeta, Katniss. I miss having you sleep right next to me."

Aw. "Me too, Primrose. But I'm an adult now." Eighteen was hardly an adult, and I would have previously argued that, but it was my best excuse.

"And you're getting married to him." She added brightly. "That's so sweet. I can't wait."

"Neither can I." It was true, and I stood up, stretching a crick out of my back. After yawning, I hugged Prim. "I should get going."

"Okay." Unlike the hugs she gave me this morning, Prim was actually aware of this one. She pulled back, ready to say something, and frowned, eyes trained on the collar of my shirt. "What's grass doing on your shirt?"

My stomach fell in embarrassment. "Ah…"

Prim reached up and plucked a small twig of brown grass from my clothing. She eyed it suspiciously. "Have you been rolling around in the grass lately?" Part of her voice was teasing, but as soon as she said it, a knowing glint appeared in her eyes and she peered at me. "What were you doing last night, _Katniss Everdeen_?"

I opened my mouth to spout any protest that came to mind first, but Mother scolded her youngest child.

"Primrose, that's none of your business!" She said, placing the dishes in the sink. But I could tell in her eyes she was thinking the exact same thing.

"We were just laying out in his backyard. Nothing more." Okay, that might have been a bit of his fib, but it was no concern of theirs what I do on the night I get engaged. If they _really_ knew…

"Suuurrre…" But Prim left it at that.

I got my coat on and hugged both of them. "I'll see you tomorrow, I think."

"Okay. Love you, Katniss." Mother gave me a motherly kiss on my cheek, and Prim followed suit.

"Be good." She brushed out her yellow dress while eyeing me knowingly.

With a final wave, I opened the door and left.

It was a very short walk back to Peeta's house and in no time at all, I was walking into the front door. The living room was empty, as was the kitchen so, assuming he was up in the room, I just invited myself right up into his room.

I was immediately confused when there was no Peeta in the room, and no shower noise from the bathroom. But that was solved in about six seconds, when the door opened and he came out shaking his wet hair, in only a towel wrapped around his waist. I let out an embarrassed squeak, startling Peeta.

"I-I'm sorry!" I said automatically, and backed away a step.

Now aware of me being there, Peeta regained his normal face. He grinned, not nearly as embarrassed as I felt. "That was more than half an hour, young lady. I'm ashamed."

Feeling a tiny more relaxed by his easy nature, I allowed myself a small smile as well. "It was before ten."

"Yeah, yeah…" He pulled a pair of his pajama pants from the wardrobe.

I was only allowed a split-second to register his ideas, before Peeta took off the towel and just pulled on the pjs, not even caring I was standing there. When he shook out his hair for a second time, his blue eyes met mine, amused. "Don't look so scarred, Madonna." His little nickname amused me not. "Might as well getting used to this, because if last night didn't break your uneasiness seeing me naked, I don't know what will."

Though I knew full well my face was burning brighter than the sun, it was hard wiping the smile off. "Yeah, I know." I let myself be folded into the familiarity of Peeta's arms. But I reminded myself, before I got too wound up in him (quite literally), I needed to shower and put on some more comfortable clothes. With a fond pat on the chest I pulled away from Peeta. "Shower, then talk." And other such things that do not include talking…

Peeta seemed to catch my drift, and gave an uncharacteristic wink, eyes twinkling mischievously. "Okay, then. I'm going to go down and get a snack. Don't take long." He leaned over and gave me a sweet kiss on the cheek, knowing full well I would blush again.

I took as short of time as possible in the shower, hastily washing away only the thinnest layer of dirt I'd accumulated today, and stepped out. I toweled off using my favorite green towel (it smelled like Peeta, don't judge, okay?), then pulled one of my soft nightdresses over my head. It fell to my knees and, to my surprise, this particular one belled out at my arms. I frowned. This was not one of my usual nightgowns. Oh well.

Before stepping out, I took brief moment to comb out my straggly wet hair. Braiding it after washing only made it wavy, which I thought looked awful. But strangely enough, Peeta wasn't in there when I went back into our room. I blinked once, and then decided to wait for him.

It was a clear night out tonight; no clouds hung in the sky, sending a dull black to cover up the stars. I leaned forwards of the window sill, drinking in the moonlight splashing onto my face. It was a brilliant cream quality, rare and beautiful. As it rained down upon me, I let my gaze wander lazily to the silhouettes of my forest, waving in the slight breeze.

I had once traveled those, silent and innocent as far as most were concerned. I had pressed my back up against the trees and stood with them for a while, but times were different. I couldn't curl on top of the mossy mounds any more, feeling the body heat of my partner next to me. He wasn't there anymore.

Feeling miniscule tears prick the corners of my eyes, I turned back up to the spray of stars, glittering like fireflies in the blanket of black. One of those, somewhere way up there, was Gale. Even though he was no longer by my side, watching the sun fade with me, I could feel him. I could feel that perhaps, somewhere, he is sitting on a scuffed rock, looking over a forest as I was. Minus the rock part, obviously.

Shifting my weight onto the other elbow, I squinted my eyes and picked out a star. About a thumbnail's length below the North Star, and half to the right. A tiny, somewhat insignificant glow winked hello to me from the Heavens. That right there, that was my Gale.

"I'm sorry." I whispered, wanting more than anything to see him just one more time. I'm sorry for not realizing sooner, I'm sorry for being so thick, I'm sorry, I'm sorry… I never meant to hurt you. But I did anyways. You gave me your heart, and I threw it down and stomped on it. You gave me more than I could ever want; undying loyalty, a best friend to lean on, someone to call _mine_ while everything was happening. Something I could rely on when everything else went kaput. Except it took your death to make me realize it. If I could change things, I would, I promise. I'd love you. But I can't and wouldn't, and you know that. I chose Peeta, and I'm not sorry for that. I'm only sorry I didn't get another chance to say sorry, to say goodbye.

If you're not to upset at me, I want another chance. I _need_ another chance. The only thing I missed about being the crazy wards was that I could see you. Insane, I know, but true. I felt that maybe I could fix things somewhat. So maybe…if you are that tiny, insignificant star up there, do me a favor and give me just one more chance. I'm not going to beg to come back, because I know you want. Just some comfort in knowing you don't hate my guts and maybe, just maybe you're happier up there without me breaking your heart every chance I get.

Suddenly, my face felt hot and I turned my eyes away from the night sky. I felt foolish. It wasn't Gale. It was a stupid star. Just as I begun seriously hating what I just did, Peeta appeared next to me. Upon seeing my distressed face, his arm automatically went around my shoulder.

"I brought you a cookie." He innocently held up a giant peanut butter cookie, an adorable smile spreading across his lips.

Just what I needed. My man and a cookie. I set the treat down on the window sill and turned to Peeta, one arm outstretched to squeeze around him. But before I got any farther than that, his eyes widened and an idea popped into his head.

"No, no, no! Hold still! Right there!" Peeta readjusted my other hand back onto the sill and my head looking out the window. He was smiling. "Perfect."

I didn't have time to ask him what for, because he dashed over to the wardrobe and pulled out a tin of charcoal sticks and a sketchbook. He seated himself on the edge of the bed and began drawing me, peeking through the heavy blond curtain of eyelashes as the charcoal skidded across the paper. I was used to being drawn, so I just held still and let him do it. But not three seconds later, the scratching paused, and I spared a glimpse over at him.

The paper and charcoal was down on his lap, and his eyes were fixed on my face in wonder.

I grew shifty and uncomfortable under that stare. "What's the matter?"

He stood up, still staring. Okay, now I was _really_ uncomfortable, but somehow, that all melted away when he put his finger to my cheek.

"The lighting is just right…" He murmured, drinking in every shadow on my face. Now his other hand had reached up to cup my face, and I felt his fingers trail along my jaw and neck, up to my cheekbones. A crease appeared between his eyebrows and a smile on his lips. "You're so beautiful."

At his words, I felt myself blush and I looked down, knowing full well I had on some type of idiotic smile on. What could I say to that? Sure, he said it often, but really… He's so good at making me smile, it's shocking.

"I'm serious." Peeta put his forehead to mine, so the very tips of our noses were just brushing. "You're beautiful." His eyes opened to stare into mine. The moonlight made a sliver of a shadow on the brilliant blue, contrasting it so…so…perfectly. "And you're mine."

I couldn't say 'thank you' for calling me beautiful (that would be just weird), and adding that to my usual ineloquence, I was quite literally speechless.

With one hand, he lightly ran fingers through the side of my hair, letting the damp strand fall backwards behind my back. I felt them bump chillingly against the bare skin of my back that the gown didn't cover. An inevitable shiver ran up my spine.

"Are you cold?" Peeta asked, again using a low tone, not moving anything but his lips.

I shook my head. "It's just my hair." But then I felt kind of foolish saying that. He doesn't really care about my hair. He just asked if I was cold or not.

But he seemed to think nothing of this. Instead, Peeta wound all of my hair once around his finger and draped it over my shoulder, so it wouldn't touch my bare skin. It felt a bit better, but when the lock of hair got replaced with Peeta's soft hands, I felt my heart skip a beat.

"Is that better?" He asked, looking down at me through his eyelashes once again.

Plucking up some courage, I bit my bottom lip and shook my head.

The twinkle in his eyes told me caught on. Peeta stepped an inch closer. I could just _barely_ feel his lean body, and his mouth was just a centimeter away from mine.

"How's this?" I could feel his breath tickling my lips.

Now my heart was pounding in my chest, so loud that surely he could hear it. "Not quite."

Peeta grinned, a flash of white illuminated by the moonlight. "Greedy thing." But there was no time for me to do anything else but close my eyes. One of his hands slid up from my back to under my chin. For a second our lips met, but only a second. Peeta pulled away to look me in the eyes again. "Was that close enough for you?"

I knew a few different way I could answer that question. It depended on what I wanted to happen afterwards. Sadly enough, though, my thoughts were all slurred by the close proximity of Peeta to think straight. So instead of saying anything, I just wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him into me. Peeta smiled against my mouth, and pulled away, but only to say, "I love you."

But to my dismay, something inside of me tugged and I felt a tiny tear run down my cheekbone. Our lips broke apart, and I was upset at myself for stopping him. "I'm sorry…" I mumbled, rubbing at my eyes. Though, to my surprise, Peeta didn't ask what was wrong. He just guided me over to the bed where I sat. Just sat. He seated himself at my side, but noted my mood.

With a desperate sigh, I put my head in one of my hands, the other laying limp at my side. But it remained empty for not very long. Fingers twined with mine and our laced hands were brought up to Peeta's lap where he held them. I lifted my face up and looked at him. _Really_ looked at him.

Something in my mind rustled, like the stirring of thick bed covers, and in my mind, he was no longer Peeta. Well, he was Peeta, but we were back in the Games. He was the frightened, yet determined boy sitting next to me in the cave. His soft blue eyes were edgy, nervous, constantly flicking towards the entrance for anything that could harm me. Again, my mind shifted and I was back home.

Peeta was looking at me as well. But…he wasn't the same Peeta. Sure, everyone changes after the kind of heck we've been through, but… The baby fat was gone, cheekbones and jaw more defined. There was a way he held himself, the set of his light-colored eyebrows above tenacious, yet soft, sky-blue eyes. He was taller and leaner, well-developed. But nothing in him suggested he was the same timid boy that confessed his love to me those few years ago.

My eyes searched his face, his body, for anything that told me he was real; he was still the same Peeta. I searched him up and down, wanting to understand what this was. And finally—_finally _I found it. In wonderment, I let my gaze fall onto our hands. He was still holding mine, and…it was still the same way he had held them two years ago. Still careful, still gentle, still completely Peeta. Completely…

Peeta reached over and put his hand to cup my face. He didn't lean in or anything; just let his thumb brush the edge of my jaw bone. "What's that look for?"

I let my head cock slightly to the left, gently brushing off Peeta's hand. He sat there, legs straight in front of him, looking politely puzzled. I don't know what made me do it. In a type of…trance, I shifted myself onto his lap, facing him, legs on either side of his hips. It wasn't for any _bad_ reason, though. I meant nothing more than to hold his face in my fingers and absorb every inch of it with my eyes.

His lips were parted slightly, in half-expectation, half-bewilderment. With a tiny smile, I leaned forward to brush my mouth on his. I don't know why, I don't even know what was running through my head. Nothing, probably. Just the memory of him sitting there on the cave floor, compared to now, him sitting sprawled on the bed, looking innocent and confused. It just made me want to be as close to him as possible.

Peeta, still captured in the hesitancy of the moment, didn't lift his arms to put them around me. Just let me sit there on his lap, pressed up against him for body warmth and memories. For a teenage boy, he has _astounding_ self-control. It made me want to lose all mine. But I didn't.

Our faces remained just millimeters apart for a few more seconds, and then I drew back, a blush tickling my cheeks. "Sorry."

"Don't be sorry…" Peeta's voice was low, but he didn't try to stop me from inching off his lap. Instead, those familiar blue eyes followed me, and latched on the second I settled back down next to him. "That was very sweet and unprovoked. What was on your mind just then?"

I considered greatly mumbling 'nothing' and turning my head away from him, but I shrugged uncomfortably and told him anyways. There was a pause, and I lifted my eyes up to stare into his. "I could find it in you, Peeta, what made you still _you_. What remained the same even after these years. But me…" I trailed off and shook my head. "I don't think I'm even Katniss anymore."

"Of course you are." He said tenaciously.

I shook my head a second time. "Don't be so quick to say that. I can't think of a single thing about me that has stayed intact through the time I was reaped to now. And even from the time we were rescued from the Quell. I've had a baby, I've watched her die; I made things horrible with Gale, and watched _him_ die; I've blown myself up, I've gone in and out of depression, I've attempted suicide, I've been rescued by you, I find myself barely ever scowling. This isn't _me_, Peeta. I'm not myself."

"How can you say that?" Peeta seemed a tiny bit offended that I even suggested I wasn't Katniss Everdeen. "I fell in love with the eleven-year-old girl who picked a dandelion from the playground lawn, and I'm still with her right now, right here, still feeling the same way I did. I can't see how you don't think you're yourself. People change, Katniss. I still love you, even though _you've_ changed."

"Stop." I ordered, feeling upset and miserable that I'm even arguing with him, but I couldn't stop. He had to see… "Just stop. You don't understand; you never have. Living in a perfect, rounded lifestyle of a town boy, you don't _get_ what I'm saying. Thinking you're so perfect. I am _messed up_. I will always be _messed up_, and you're an idiot for ignoring my flaws. Because one day, one day they're going to come back around and bite you in the butt. You deserve someone better than this, someone whole." Tears began pricking my eyes.

"Why do you argue about this stuff, Katniss?" Peeta appeared to be getting worked up, whether over the idea I don't deserve him, or over the fact I insisted on bickering. "I chose you, and whatever flaws you have I've chosen to live with, they're my problem. I think of all the supposed 'flaws' you have, and it's a pretty cheap price, considering the girl I get with them."

A moment passed before a choked sob came from my lungs, burning like acid. "Don't—just, _stop_ being so-so perfect for once! I—" But my words were rudely interrupted by Peeta. He gripped my arms, right above the elbow, and pulled me into him, kissing me so abruptly it shocked me into silence.

His mouth worked on mine, slowly, acting as type of crazy anesthesia that numbed my entire body. A whirlwind of colors flashed behind my eyelids and there were no thoughts of how unfair he was being; he was never fair. This was just a happy little agreement we came to, making me shut up. Peeta's lips parted, forcing mine to do that as well, and for a moment, he allowed the very tip of his tongue to run along my bottom lip. It was near impossible not to burst into yet another fit of giggles, but I didn't.

For a few minutes, or hours it seemed, Peeta had my body pinned to the headboard, unyielding in the sense of not letting either of us pause so I wouldn't have a chance to fight again. But finally, my lungs were screaming at me to give them some air, and so I finally had to pull away from him. Air swept willingly into my lungs and for a split-second, red dots blurred my vision. Then Peeta's face focused into view. He was biting his tongue, a mischievous smile on his lips.

Part of me way back in my skull wanted to tell him off for not letting me win (as usual), but my head was still full of his scent, his taste, the feeling of his smooth skin. I ran my palm along the wiry muscles of his abdomen, while looking down through my lashes. "You're skin is so soft…"

Peeta brushed his mouth on my forehead, eyes closed. "I'd say the same, but I don't get to feel your skin very often."

"What are you implying, Mr. Mellark?" I felt a smile come on.

If I'd thought he'd be as innocent as ever, and perhaps shrug and say nothing, I was very much wrong. Peeta brought his mouth down close to my ear and spoke in the quietest of whispers. "I'm implying you should wear less clothes more often."

I froze, unsure whether to be shocked and offended, or giggle and not say anything, or be completely un-Katniss-ish and go along with it and have a repeat of last night. That didn't sound too bad, though. I could definitely put last night on my top ten best nights of my life.

"Katniss?" Peeta, who had pulled away from my ear, looked puzzled.

"I'm fine." I assured him, patting his bare shoulder. "It just surprised me, no matter how true."

"Now, what are _you_ insinuating?" This all seemed like a fun little game to him.

In a range of exactly .744 seconds, I made up my mind. I closed my eyes and pulled him a tiny bit closer to me. "That's for you to decide."

**oOo**

_Okay, okay, okay. I'm 100% positive, that after you read those last few paragraphs, reviews will be flooding in, saying stuff like "OMG did they do IT again?" But as a favor to me, don't ask that, because I assure you, it'll all be explained in the next chapter._

_Now what that's out of the way, on to the good stuff._

_HOLY BANANAS THAT CHAPTER WAS LONG. Wowie-zowie. I could split it into THREE chapters! But I'm not going to. I figured I owed it to you guys, after waiting a week to get this out. :DDD_

_PS: earlier back it had a reference to Madonna. The Madonna I'm talking about is the virgin Madonna from the ancient times, like Virgin Mary. Not the creepy 45-year-old American singer who thinks she still has the moves she did back in her twenties. Just to clear that up._

_LOVE YOU ALL, and don't forget to review or I will turn into a monster and eat all your grandmothers' hats. Yes, even that lovely one with the goose feather. REVIEW! Have a happy rest-of-the-week! _


	31. Chapter 31

_This chapter is a bit…emo and philosophical. Maybe even boring, but I doubt that last one. Sorry for the wait, as usual. But go ahead and read now! Nothing stopping you!_

**oOo**

I was back in the arena. Except this time, I was not alone. Peeta was at my right side, holding my hand in his own, looking weary. Gale was on the left side, holding my hand as well, sort of bending his body over mine, as if for protection. The three of us were running through the woods, smoothly and faster than I thought possible. I wasn't sure if something was chasing us, but either way, we were running.

A bit went by (I wouldn't know—it was a dream), and the terrain changed. Instead of the thick forest of the arena, it was the dry ground of what used to be District 13. We ran five paces, but a startling difference shook me and I glanced to my left. Gale had vanished, and it was just Peeta and I running. I glanced around, confused, but before I could wonder any more, Peeta put his arm around me and forced me to keep running. Some part of me knew he was speaking words of comfort, but I couldn't hear them. I was still so dazed and confused from the loss of my best friend.

The second I regained my composer from Gale, the time in my dream seemed to have sped up. The terrain was just a blur of colors, and faded into white. We ran and ran, and I was just about to collapse with nonexistent fatigue, when I looked over to my right and found Peeta wasn't there. I slowed and looked behind me. Suddenly, the scenery around me changed. I was no longer zipping through a blur of whiteness. I was in a pristine, silver hospital room. Though unlike most of my visits to the hospital, I wasn't the one in the bed. Or, one of the beds.

On the bed on the left of the room lay Gale. He was motionless, facial features smoothed out. His wrists were bound with manacles chained to the floor next to the bed. A clean white sheet was draped over his lean body.

My mouth popped open in surprise and I stepped over next to him in a dream-like daze. I reached a finger out to brush against his perfect, flawless, olive skin, when arms reached out to me from behind. Swallowing tears, I leaned back into Peeta's chest, feeling comforted by him. Gale, of course, was gone, and Peeta was here comforting me. He spun me around so I could be able to press my face on his collarbone.

"It's okay…" His voice sounded so very distant and far away. "I've got you."

And I knew that was true. He was calming me, and I could feel the dazed, confused aftershock of Gale's departure wane. But before I could say anything to that, he drew away. My body seemed to be stuck in that position, because I didn't—or couldn't—reach out to him. I just stood there watching as Peeta backed up to the other bed, on the _right_ side of the room. He looked sympathetic as he laid down.

A nurse materialized at his side. Except it wasn't a nurse, really. It was Madge, in her expensive dress and golden plaits on either side of her head. Without looking at me, she pulled a different set of manacles from the floor and attached them to Peeta's hands. I stared.

Everything seemed to go quiet. Peeta didn't speak; he just shut his eyes against the world. Thankfully, in the absence of sound, I was able to regain movement. In stiff shock and misunderstanding, I walked over to the side of his bed and stared down at him. The rise and fall of his muscular chest grew slower and slower. Until it stopped all together.

"Peeta?" My lips formed the word, but again, no sound came. Instead of terror, I felt puzzled. How come he's dead? And…Gale? Fighting worried tears, I glanced behind me to Gale. He was motionless as well. But when he left, Peeta held me. Now that Peeta was gone…

Tears welled in my eyes and I blinked them away. What was happening? I sat down on the floor, legs crossed in front of me, a hopeless slouch to my posture. Though I'm sure it was all in my head (what wasn't—this was a dream), the room around me seemed to grow colder. My vision blurred and everything was fading. I was alone, so alone… No comfort, no love… I was so alone…

"I'm sorry, Peeta." I covered my face with my hands, and felt cold tears spill between my fingers. "I'm sorry, Gale. I'm sorry, I'm sorry…"

"I'm sorry…" My eyes opened and I found myself staring up at the ceiling in the room back at Peeta's house. My chest felt tight with tears, and when I blinked confusion away, I saw Peeta. He was sitting on the edge of the bed in his undershorts, a hand stretched out to my face. His finger was curled under my eye to catch a tear. When he saw my eyes open, he leaned back, unsure.

"Did I wake you?" The early morning light softened all his features, making him look younger than he really was.

I blinked again, trying to focus on what's real and what wasn't. He wasn't…? Of course he wasn't dead. He was here. With me. I reached out to him. "Come here. Please. Come."

Peeta, still looking concerned, opened his arms and shifted his legs to lean closer to me. His warmth enveloped me from all sides. Strong, familiar arms locked around me like a cage, curling around my shoulder blades. "Are you okay, Katniss?"

I closed my eyes and enjoyed the feeling of his bare skin slide against mine. "I think I am now."

Nothing really happened last night. I admit there was a moment when one second we were just kissing, and the next our clothes sort of…went flying, but nothing happened after that. There was just an hour where we basked in the feeling of one another, so close. Every now and then my mind wandered from Peeta, only to venture outside a little further than necessary and find something it didn't want. Without me knowing it, I would have started crying, and Peeta would embrace me again, holding me tight and kissing my cries away.

"What were you dreaming?" His voice was low and quiet, and he pressed his cheek on the top of my head.

I was quiet for a second. "Gale was gone. You were there to comfort me. Then you were gone. I had no one, there was no one…" I wrapped my arms tighter, closing my eyes against his shoulder.

Peeta made a noise of sympathy and pulled back to have me look into his eyes. It was impossible without tearing up again. "Don't you trust me at all?" A crease had formed in between his eyebrows as he spoke, but the gentleness was not void from his voice or his fingers on my face. "I promised, I will never leave you. I will always be there."

"But how do you know? You have no control over it, Peeta." The tear that had early pricked my eye welled too large for my lid and fell. Its path was made crooked by the dip in my cheekbone.

Again, Peeta reached out and caught the drip of saltwater before it made it all the way down. "Has Gale left you?"

It was a question, plain and simple, and I opened my mouth to reply "of course", but stopped myself. He hasn't…_completely_ left me. I can taste him in the earthy air where we used to lie whenever I'm out in the woods. I can feel his presence when I'm looking out the window at nighttime, the silhouettes of trees concealing him from view. He's everywhere. But I couldn't admit that to Peeta.

I dropped our gaze.

"See?" He tilted my chin up, forcing me to look at him again. "I'll never leave you, Katniss. No matter what happens." Though he said that less than two minutes ago, this time it had different meaning.

The feeling of guilt had vanished, and unable to look him in the eyes anymore, I just buried my face in his chest again. "Thank you."

The blankets I had slept under were now bunched at my navel, and I was sitting up halfway. Peeta had one knee tucked under him to support his weight as he leaned forwards into me. It must have been an awkward position, as if only meant to be held briefly, but he was steadfast and warm. It didn't even matter that both our top halves were completely bare. He kept his arms around me, face buried in my hair.

But finally, I pulled away, feeling much better. "Thanks." I repeated honestly. "Now that…now that I'm awake and better, I think I—_we—_need to start considering wedding plans." The word 'wedding' made me twitch. Not because I didn't want to get married, but because weddings meant people. And you couldn't exactly consider me the social type.

"Of course. Not wasting any time." He still didn't pull away, but that was really okay with me.

"Mother and Prim asked me about it yesterday. I think we should talk about it with her. I'm no good at planning things like this." I pressed my face into his neck to breath in the clean scent he provided.

"We'll have them for lunch."

My mind brought a memory up from yesterday, making me frown. "I think Mother said she and Prim were working today."

"Are they free tomorrow? We could get today off. Go to town."

"That works." Satisfied, I prepared to settle myself back against him for another few minutes of comforting silence, but Peeta didn't let me.

"We should get up, then. But, Katniss," He pulled away and, with a theatrical glanced down at my chest, he added, "clothes first." He leaned back away from me with a fond touch to my cheek with his thumb.

I blushed.

After I showered and dressed, Peeta fixed breakfast and we ate in silence. Of course, he never failed to go less than a minute without touching me; a brush of his finger over my cheek, a kiss to my throat, tucking a stray lock of hair behind my ear. He was looking at me the whole time, making me slightly self-conscious. His blue eyes were shining with adoration. I wondered what was on his mind. Because he was so preoccupied with gawking at me, occasionally he missed his mouth when eating toast. It made me want to laugh at him, but I wasn't that cruel.

After breakfast we just waited around. Peeta didn't seem to mind wandering around the house in just trousers, and didn't seem to mind _me_ going around in just trousers and an undershirt. Of course, I doubt he would mind me going around with zero clothes on, but that's another matter I wouldn't normally enforce.

We had lunch at the usual time (one o'clock), and it was four we decided to actually dress for town. Peeta, who pulled on a normal black T-shirt, looked beautiful. His shiny blond hair seemed like spun gold against the dark material. Feeling unsightly and insignificant against Peeta, I just threw on a green button-up shirt and braided back my hair. It was growing quite long. Perhaps it was time to consider cutting it again. Since there was no need to change in separate rooms, Peeta turned to me the second he had his shirt on. I was still busy buttoning.

He blinked at me and cocked his head slightly to the left. "You look nice."

I paused buttoning the second button to look up at him. "…Thank you." No matter how many times he'll compliment me in my lifetime, I'll never be able to get away with listening to it and end up with a straight face. A blush crept onto my cheeks. "You look good, too."

Peeta walked over to me with his hands stretched out a bit, and began helping me with the buttons. "I'm never going to get used to you looking so beautiful."

Just, shut up already. I already feel like I'm going to make some sort of guttural -throat-grunt-noise in trying to contain myself. I was positive I was turning the color of a beet.

He clasped the last button, but kept his fingers around the collar of my shirt. When I glanced up at him, attempting to rid my face of the redness, he took advantage of that and pulled me towards him using my shirt. I made a tiny noise of surprise in my throat, but it was drowned out by the shocked thump of my heart.

Peeta pulled away, a charming smile making me forget the world around me. "Sorry. I couldn't help myself."

To show him I accepted his apology, I stretched on my tiptoes and kissed him again. "We should get going."

Peeta led me downstairs with a hand and— only pausing to grab a jacket—opened the door for me. When I walked out on the porch, he stopped to look at me again. I was about to open my mouth to ask him what was on his mind, when he pressed the side of his body up against mine and with the other hand, curled my own fingers around his bent elbow. I blinked in bewilderment at him being so gentlemanly. And not to mention the feeling of having him pressed so gently against my side, still with the ability to walk freely. Part of me way back in the back of my mind felt happy figuring out yet another way to never have to detach myself from him.

He pecked me on the forehead and we left.

People stared as we walked. The young and old stopped to sneak glances at us, some looks bewildered, some happy, some just normal. I wasn't sure what made them look more. Perhaps Prim or Mother told someone at the hospital and that got around. Sometimes I wonder whether or not everyone has lost interest or not. Probably not all the way, but are they still attached to me now that I'm not longer in charge of saving them? Perhaps, now that they're safe and happy, they are in no need for something to cling onto. But then again, perhaps not.

Because they're watching me. Maybe even to the point of unease. I clung just a bit tighter to Peeta. "Do you think Mother and Prim told them?" I used 'them' for the public in general.

He acted casual, and only bent his head towards me slightly as we walked. "That we're engaged? Probably. Though we should be lucky all they're doing is staring."

As one woman with her child was seen coming our way, I muttered under my breath, "You jinxed it…"

The child couldn't have been more than four years old. She had ringlets of copper hair, and brilliant green eyes. She was clutching the leg of her mothers' trousers. The mother looked young, but tired. She walked cautiously up to us, keeping track of her youngster, but still gawking at us. Peeta and I slowed as she approached, until we were at an altogether stop, facing the lady and her kid.

The woman glanced down at her daughter and nudged her forwards. "Go on, Ivy."

The girl apparently wanted to say something to Peeta and I before, but she looked frightened now and just hid her face in the material of her mothers' trousers.

The woman glanced up and laughed apologetically. Her eyes flicked towards Peeta. "She wanted to say something to you, Mr. Mellark. Stage fright though, I guess." She glanced back down at her daughter. "Are you sure, baby?"

The girl peeked her face from the material, and then hid it again. To my surprise, Peeta unraveled his arm from mine and knelt down in front of the kid—Ivy. His eyes shone kindly; kindly enough to make Ivy uncover her face. Peeta waved his fingers at her in a completely non-threatening gesture. "Hi!"

The girl glanced up at her mother for affirmation, and ambled bravely a little closer to the stranger. She leaned a little closer to Peeta and, in a loud toddler-whisper, Ivy said, "She's very pretty."

Peeta grinned, genuinely amused. "Isn't she, though?"

The toddler, happy to have made a new friend, nodded her head, sending red curls bouncing. "I like her shirt."

Peeta, thoroughly enjoying this, glanced up at me and back down to Ivy. "So do I."

Something I thought was really sweet about it was that he was playing alone, acting as though I couldn't hear either. With a quick shift of my eyes, I saw that the mother was watching the two with amusement as well.

Ivy put both hands to her cheeks, scrunching up her mouth into a lopsided 'O' shape. "Can I talk to her?"

I cast a quick look at her mother and saw she was pink in the cheeks, but seemed warmed by her child's courage.

Peeta nodded, and I took that as my cue to kneel down as well. Up close, I could see this kid was adorable. Chubby cheeks and skin so rosy, and dewdrop eyes. When I kneeled in front of her, her green eyes widened to the size of dinner plates and she covered her mouth with her hands. And through chubby fingers she spoke. "You're like a princess."

I couldn't help but smile at this. "Thank you. So…so are you." For then, I inwardly cursed myself for lacking the eloquence Peeta had an abundance of.

Ivy, completely thrilled by this, covered her face again and went back to hide behind her mother.

Peeta and I stood up again and her mother turned to me. "She…She liked the stories I told her of you." She explained, reaching her hand down for the toddler to grip. "Apparently you're a princess to her."

We laughed quietly and glanced back down at Ivy, who was sneaking peeks at us.

"And…congratulations." But the woman added hastily, "I-I don't know if you meant anyone to know, it was…it was just a piece of gossip I heard, I don't know if…." She obviously regretted bringing it up; her ears grew red.

Fortunately, Peeta saved me at this one.

"Thank you." His eyes sparkled with kindness, but only reserved for strangers. "Nothing really stays a secret when it passes the ears of Katniss' mother." He glanced over at me and grinned.

I found myself able to smile as well, genuine. "That's my family for you."

The lady looked relieved. "Oh. Well, congratulations again. We'd better get going, though." She reached down to scoop her daughter up in her arms.

Ivy, who still looked ecstatic, waved at Peeta as they walked off.

We watched them go, and when I turned back to Peeta to say something, the look in his eyes stopped me. His eyebrows were creased, eyes shining with…longing? I didn't need to ask. I put my arms around Peeta's waist and put my head on his shoulder.

He automatically pulled me into his chest. I felt his breath tickle my ear as he bent down. "I want one so badly…" His voice was low.

I felt the same way. "I know. So do I." My throat was burning with oncoming tears, and I didn't feel like crying right then. Swallowing the miserable feeling inside me, I shook my head. "Never mind. We're going to know soon enough. No point worrying now."

Peeta, who was looking at the ground, nodded and brought his head back up to kiss me lightly. "You're right. Let's get dinner and head back home."

It turns out 'getting dinner' meant stopping by the bakery and filching some stuff. We ate on the way home, linked hands and poignant hearts. All the lights were off in Mothers' house, signaling that they were probably still at the hospital. Prim was probably going to grow up to become as good as a doctor as Mother. The thought made me a bit more cheery, my little sister having a more promising future than me.

We got inside and I stood in front of the door for a second. My chest still felt heavy, and when Peeta raised a curious eyebrow at me, I just shook my head and left. Just left. Opened the door and walked out. It wasn't like I meant to leave for good, or in fact go anywhere except his backyard.

My eyes stung with stubborn tears as I slid down the east-facing wall to the ground. The sun was melting closer and closer to the horizon, bathing everything in a sherbet-pink glow. My arms were wrapped securely around my chest by the time Peeta appeared. He sat down next to me and began to put his arm around my shoulder, but I flinched away.

"Please, Peeta, I don't need that right now." I felt like such a monster right then, refusing Peeta's comfort. This morning I needed nothing more than him, but now I didn't want that…. I buried my face in my hands.

He crossed his legs and was quiet for a few seconds. Then I felt his eyes on me. "What _do_ you want, if not me?" The words were not conceited or anything. "What do you need?"

What do I need…. I turned my head away from him so he couldn't see the frustrated tear slide down my face. "A reality check. A painful distraction. Maybe even to escape this."

"Escape this…?" I could feel Peeta really wanted to make me look at him, to fold me into his arms like he was so used to. But he didn't.

"World. This life." In my mind, other words ran through, true and devastating. I debated whether or not to tell Peeta this, and decided against it. So instead of sharing that with him, I blinked. "Sometimes I wonder if it's worth living at all. If this is all I get in return." I rested my forehead on my arms, which were crossed on my knees in front of me.

"Of course it is." He was fighting with himself; a bloody battle playing out before us both. I knew he wanted to do more than just sit there next to me. He wanted to shout at me for thinking these stupid thoughts. "Sometimes it just takes living to find out what's worth living _for_."

I lifted my tear-stained head up to stare at him. Our eyes met and for a moment I could see it. The pink sky made Peeta's eyes more violet than blue, but deep in the irises there was some sort of…glow. I don't know what to call it. But he was gazing at me with such intensity it made me drop the gaze in shame. But with that five-second stretch of time seemed to have scraped a layer from my heart, leaving me feeling alone and vulnerable.

I swallowed. "It's okay to hold me now."

Tentative arms went around me automatically and did as they were told. Peeta buried his face in my hair, and from the funny angle I was twisted, I had no choice but to shift myself onto his lap. Even in his arms I felt tiny. And I was.

One human of millions on Earth. Earth is one planet in our solar system. One solar system in hundreds of others in this galaxy. Millions. Tens of millions. Billions. And I was one person, one tiny, insignificant person. I felt so small, so helpless under the stars just peeking from the hazy sky. The Earth is billions of years old, and might last billions more. Humans only live to be, what, fifty? Sixty? We're nothing. Nothing…

I resisted the urge to slap myself. In a time like this my mind decided to go off about crazy stuff like that. Perhaps we were nothing, but perhaps not. Was Peeta nothing? Certainly not. He is not nothing. He's mine; he's the only person in this world who can hold me together. He means more to me than I mean to myself. He's not nothing… Maybe that's what he meant "sometimes it takes living to find out what's worth living for".

I pressed my cheek on his collarbone and then drew back. "We should go in. It's late."

Peeta nodded, but seemed reluctant to let go of me. He let me stand up, and got up after. But he didn't say anything.

We walked inside and up the stairs without bothering to do anything else. I felt exhausted and empty from today, and went into the bathroom to change. After slipping a nightgown over my head, I brushed my teeth and dragged my body back into the room. Peeta was sitting on the edge of the bed, back to the bathroom, wearing his usual pj bottoms, leaning on his elbows. He didn't look up when I crawled under the covers. I shifted so where I was facing away. I wasn't upset at him or anything. I don't know what was wrong…

Peeta, who snapped out of his reverie, stretched out under the blankets as well. I felt his eyes upon me for a few seconds, then a tilt in the bed as he lifted his body up on his arm. "Is it okay if I touch you, Katniss?" His voice was quiet and cautious.

I nodded.

His hand slipped around my waist, and I was tucked in the crook of his elbow. The arm I was laying on was bent, and the hand was laying curled and open close to my stomach. I felt his fingers sneak onto my palm and stayed there. His forehead rested on my back, and right then I wished I could close my eyes against the world as the Peeta in my dream did. I was hurting him, and I didn't want to. But if distancing myself hurt him, so would getting closer to him. But I could feel it in the way he held me, my back to his chest, forehead resting in between my shoulder blades. I could feel he was tired and wished more than anything I was whole.

Lonely and tired, I began drifting off. But sleep did not hit me before I could feel the touch of Peeta's soft lips against the back of my neck. After that, I was swallowed up in darkness, and even then the arms around me couldn't keep me from falling away.

**oOo**

_Ahhh…. That chapter was depressing... And necessary, I suppose. *__Sigh* Okay, okay, okay. An amazing song I was listening to while writing this: Dear God by Avenged Sevenfold. I know they're normally a rock band or whatever, but this song isn't rock. It gorgeous and nearly made me cry, and while writing this horribly sad chapter, it made it fifty times sadder. Here's a bit of it:_

_While I recall_

_All the words you spoke to me_

_Can help her wish _

_That I was there_

_And where I'd love to be_

_Dear God,_

_The only thing I ask of you_

_Is to hold her when I'm not around_

_When I'm much too far away_

_We all need that person_

_Who can be true to you_

_But I left her when I found her_

_And now I wish I'd stayed_

'_Cause I'm lonely_

_I'm tired_

_I'm missing you again_

_Once again_

_That tiny snippet of the song really is NOTHING compared to actually listening to it. His voice is like melty chocolate syrup…. Ehehe got a bit carried away. Anyways, the usual; review, stay in school, don't play with matches, etc. _


	32. Chapter 32

_Thanks for the reviews, as usual. They were incredible. ;) Thanks to… Dasha, child of Athena 123098, Lovely Kacey Faith, Rosa, Michelle, etc. There are many people I love. Oh, and Ashley and Nicole and Haleigh and… Everyone else. But especially to Haleigh because it's her birthday. Happy birthday! Now go and read._

**oOo**

**PEETA'S POV**

I couldn't sleep that night. Even after Katniss' breaths grew even and her body relaxed in my arms, I wasn't able to fall asleep. I wasn't sure how long I stayed awake for, hours, minutes… My mind was trying to sort through the past day, but to no avail. Okay, so the morning was normal. We ate, went to town, met the little girl—Ivy, I think. After we walked away from that was when Katniss started acting weird.

What was her matter? Does she know something I don't? Is she already positive she isn't able to have kids and she just doesn't want to tell me? _Is_ she pregnant and she's too afraid to admit it? Or maybe this was just one of her moments of deep, multifaceted realization where the mere thoughts of some things seem worse than reality. That last one was completely plausible, but I didn't want to live like this, never knowing when she'll be okay and when she won't. Teetering on the brink of insanity her whole life.

I felt a sudden rush of sympathy for Katniss. I took a brief moment to tighten my arms around her sleeping body, and then relaxed. What it must be like to have been like she had, lived in such a way where one little thing—okay, _big_ thing—knocked everything askew, making her so lost and confused. Her life revolved around those of her family and Gale, reclusive and cloistered away from everybody else. But when she was forced into the world of the Games and unwillingly became the symbol of rebellion for the entire country, everything she knew and grew to love crumbled from her fingertips. She didn't want this. She wouldn't have _ever_ wanted it, her heart being displayed to the world, and in the end, losing her best friend for nothing. No, she didn't want it, but she endured it nonetheless. And it's right there I'm shocked she's still here with me, fighting to stay in control, fighting for her sanity.

There was nothing I could do to stop the tremor that raked through my body. I had no idea, _no idea,_ how much she was risking for me.

I propped myself up on my elbow to glance down at her sleeping form. Strands of black hair was falling into her heart-shaped face, casting even darker shadows on the planes of her cheekbones. The white sleeves of her gown belled up and settled on the bed around her arms, pearly in the moonlight. It bunched around her shoulders to wear the blanket was tucked, and her entire self was motionless except for the slight rise and fall as she breathed. She was beautiful, I had no doubts. But I wasn't sure what made me love her so much. She wasn't necessarily "nice and humorous", the kind that just attracted men from all angles. There were those kinds of girls that used to be in school. They _tried_ to be beautiful, they tried to laugh and get boys to like them. Katniss was unsocial, unpopular, scowled 98% of the time, except still… She was nothing less than perfect to me.

With a small sigh and a shake of my head, I laid back down and tucked her again into the crook of my elbow. I wasn't sure what to think, nevertheless do. But this wasn't her fault. How upset she seemed, how distant and sad the look in her eyes was. I didn't know what I could do about it, though. My Katniss, my mockingjay. She was losing herself and I didn't know how I could help her. I guess…just be there, as I have for as long as she's let me.

I closed my eyes against her shoulder and attempted to wipe everything from my mind. I was exhausted, and had no clue what time it was. And eventually, having the comfort of Katniss' body in my arms, I nodded off.

It wasn't screaming that awoke me in the morning. In fact, I wasn't sure what it was. For a few seconds my mind took it's time re-gathering thoughts and such, and by the time it was done, I realized why this felt weird. My arms were empty. Immediately, my eyes shot open and I stared. Katniss wasn't lying down sleeping as I thought. The bathroom door was partly open, so she wasn't in there. For a split-second, fear overcame me, and then it quieted down. There's a perfectly reasonable explanation. There's no reason to…to be afraid. Certainly not for her _life_. Though, I had my doubts as I tossed of the covers and made my way downstairs.

At first notion I knew she was not in the kitchen; the room was vacant of any clattering noise, suggestions she was cooking breakfast. I knew it was a slim chance, but I had to try, didn't I? Swallowing the knot of panic in my throat, I made my way further into the living room, getting a better view of the furniture. One thump of my heart, then cold relief. Katniss was fast asleep under a swathe of blankets, curled on the couch. She was sitting up, so her head flopped crookedly onto her shoulder, a very uncomfortable position it seemed.

After the relief came obvious worry. Why was she down here? In my mind, only one answer cropped up. And I didn't like it.

Shaking off the feeling of unease, I went to sit by her. Even the shifting of the cushion when I sat down didn't wake her. She mumbled something once, and then shivered in her sleep. Aware that a line was beginning to form in between my brows, I adjusted the blankets, and put my arm around her, making it so where her head was now resting on my shoulder instead of crookedly on her own. But to my disappointed, when I did that, she stirred.

"Mmmf…" Katniss groaned and opened her bleary eyes. They widened a tiny bit upon seeing me so close to her, but returned normal. Her voice was still croaky from sleep. "Hey."

"Hey." I was pleased by the fact she didn't shift or pull away upon waking up in my arms. In fact, I think I was ecstatic when she let me lean down to kiss her. "Are you feeling okay?"

For a second her eyebrows creased in confusion, and then she understood. But along with the understanding came the need for her to look away. "I'm feeling fine."

Okay, this was good. She wasn't pulling away or staying silent, and that was a good thing. In order to keep up this semi-good mood, I kept my tone light and my face neutral.

"Why did you leave, if you mind my asking?"

She blinked once, and then shrugged lightly, acting as though her shoulders weighed a lot in the presence of fatigue. "I woke up before you and couldn't sleep. So I went down here, and not five minutes after, I was asleep."

"Why did you go down here instead of waking me?" I put my cheek to the top of her head, out of curiosity more than anything.

"I've deprived you of enough sleep lately. I know I could've stayed there in bed, but…" Her mouth opened to say something, but she apparently changed her mind. "…but I was feeling restless."

I knew this seemed like an improvement, and it was, but she wasn't looking me in the eyes, which made me worry. Biting back worry, I held her closer. "There's something wrong, Katniss, I know it. Tell me. Please tell me."

As I watched, her mouth formed a subconscious frown and she shook her head. I could tell by the upset, shiny layer on her eyes that she was on the verge of crying. Not to mention the purple mark on her lips where she's biting it. Again, she shook her head.

"Katniss, tell me." I pleaded. "I need to know what's wrong, I need to help you. I can't stand seeing you like this, broken. Say the word, Katniss, and I'll be there. Say the word and I'll help you. _Let me help you_. Tell me, Katniss. I need to kn—"

"I can't tell you if I don't know myself, Peeta!" Enraged, Katniss flung herself from my arms and scrambled away from me to stand in the middle of the room, tears streaking down her face. "I can't tell you because I _don't know_. I don't know…" She clutched at her head, knuckles white with anger and distress. "I can't…" She was sobbing now, words distorted with tears. Her face was wet and red and twisted with emotional pain.

I was shocked into silence, confused and disconcerted. A cold tear felt its way down my face without me realizing it. This pain—_her _pain—hurt me as well, stinging where it hit home base. I wanted to reach out, to take her hand and hold it to my heart, let her know I'm on her side, even if I don't know what's wrong. But the second I lifted my face to meet hers, those familiar grey eyes turned a rain-cloud grey and she started shaking all over.

"I-I can't stand seeing you cry." Katniss squeezed her eyes shut and held her arms to her torso. It was obvious that some attempt to hold her together was unraveling. Just not working very well.

I couldn't take it anymore. I stood up, silent—for the first time in my life. She didn't raise her head to see me walk over to her, but she felt it when I slid my arms around her back and held her. But unlike most of the times I felt the need to embrace her, it had been tightly, squeezed to my chest to blot out the pain, both of ours. But this time everything about it was gentle. I let my muscles relax, feeling hers do the same under my touch, and I rested my forehead on hers.

"Then I won't cry." It was as simple as that.

She didn't reply to that. She didn't even hug me back. But her actions were not cold. Katniss just leaned into me and buried her face in the small of her neck. I felt the tears still fresh on her face wet my own shoulder. As the horrid barren feeling in my chest lifted, a small idea was forming in the pit of my brain. No matter how _wonderful_ she felt against me, her mood practically dissolving when we touched, there was no doubt she wasn't going to go back to normal again. Heck, I didn't even know what normal _was_ anymore… But I knew something smart I should do. To get someone who _did_ know.

I held Katniss for a few more minutes, and thankfully, she was the one who pulled away. Though I was not too pleased to note her face was still wet with saltwater. She glanced up at me, eyes back to their usual silver, except sparkly with tears. Long black lashes framed the delicate shape of her eyes, and I resisted the urge to reach up and feel them.

Without speaking, I put my arm comfortably around her shoulder and guided her back to the couch, where she curled up once again. I pulled the blankets, which was trapped under her, out and draped it over her shoulders. "I need to go do something real quick. I'll be back soon, I promise."

"No!" Her words were quick, frantic, as those enrapturing eyes of hers widened. "Don't leave me."

I was on the brink of saying, '_Okay, I won't leave. I promise.' _Except I didn't. Instead, I leaned forwards so where I could just barely feel her nose brush mine. I tilted her chin up with a single finger and kissed her, trying to make it as sweet and as pleading as possible. Something lassoed my heart and tugged as when I drew back. Her mouth was parted when I opened my eyes again, eyes shining and wide, but nevertheless understanding.

"Don't be long. Promise."

I let a smile of sorts touch my lips and I gave her a second kiss, this time on her cheek. "I promise. Don't worry." And with a third small kiss, I stood back up and left.

My feet knew where we were headed, and it wasn't far. In fact, it was the very next house. I knew that Ms. Everdeen was at work from what Katniss told me, but Primrose should be at home. I stepped unsure up the porch. My fist made a sharp rapping noise when I knocked on the door. From somewhere in the house, I heard the sweet voice of Katniss' little sister call to me, "You can come in!" With only a smidge of hesitancy, I opened the door and stepped in.

Prim wasn't in the living room. Feeling a tiny bit awkward, I peered around the arch doorway into the kitchen. She was in there, hunched over the stove, making something. When I stepped up under the doorway, she turned her head to look at me. Dimples appeared when she smiled.

"Hey, Peeta!" She glanced at her project then back at me. "I am making pancakes. Would you like one?"

I felt a bit lightened by her bubbly attitude. But I had no time for pancakes. "No thank you, Prim. I actually came to ask you something. Maybe a favor."

Primrose, made curious by my tone of voice, turned off the stove flame and slid the last breakfast item onto a platter. There were three of them, slightly lumpy, but an even golden brown color. Prim put the platter on the table and looked up at me, a teensy worry line appearing between her blond eyebrows. "Is it Katniss?"

I nodded, slowly. "She's…not right. Ever since she came home from the day she spent with you and your mother."

"What's wrong?" Clearly seeing she'd not be able to have her breakfast just then, she brought a Ziploc bag from in one of the cabinets and put the pancakes in that.

"She's been…. I don't know." Suddenly unsure of this, I let my eyes flick to different things in the room. "I don't know if this is normal or not. She's been especially upset. It wasn't something I did—or said, I don't think. She's been crying a whole lot more, and arguing, and just… I don't want to label it as depression, but I thought that since you know her best, you'd help."

"I don't think I know her best now, Peeta." Primrose looked slightly sad, but her expression changed back to concerned sister. "But yeah, I'll help."

I nodded, thankful for how quickly that worked, and left, leaving Prim to trail behind me.

We got back to my house—it was only a few meters away—and I opened the door for her. With a short nod of her head, she thanked me and walked inside.

Strangely enough, Katniss wasn't on the couch. Frowning slightly, I exchanged a look with Prim, and decided she went back upstairs to our room. Thankfully, she was right there, curled under our covers, face pressed into the pillows. When she heard the door, she lifted her head and her eyes locked on her sister. Immediately, that familiar soft mask stretched across her face, and she held out her arms. "Primrose,"

Prim ran across the room and they hugged tightly. Katniss had her face pressed tight against her little sisters' hair. Though they'd seen each other not long ago at all, they acted as though they had been apart for months. Months… I laughed inwardly once, without any amusement.

But to my perplexity, they didn't let go after a few minutes. I noticed that fresh tears were streaming out of Katniss' face and the fright told in the worry lines on her forehead told me that she didn't want to let go. Prim was her lifeline; the last thing she had to hold on to of her past life.

These two people were my family. I had none left. My father…. I haven't seen him since leaving District 12. But Ms. Everdeen treated me just like a son, and I have been growing to feel like one. And Katniss, of course, was more family than I'd ever have. But of course Prim was included. Who could not love her? But now I had a reason to call her my little sister as well.

Feeling a sad pull towards them, I sat down on the bed next to Katniss and put my arms around the both of them. Primrose met my eyes when I did that, and they said, _thank you_. I just closed my eyes and let the weirdness of the moment overtake me. I wanted to protect them, they were my _family_. And though I loved them both, I was the first one to pull back.

For a few more seconds Prim and Katniss held one another, but then Primrose pulled back. "You look awful."

"Thanks, _Prim_." Katniss rolled her eyes, and her expression softened a tad.

"What's wrong?" No time was wasted; Prim cut to the chase of why she was here. "Peeta said you have been acting off."

Katniss' eyes flicked up to mine with no emotion betrayed, and she looked back down. "I don't know. He keeps asking me that, too… I don't know what's wrong."

"It's just…there?" Prim ducked her head for a second, biting her lip in contemplation. Then she glanced back at me. "Peeta, would you mind giving us a few minutes? Girl time…?"

She knew something. I could tell by the look in her eyes she already has an idea. Feeling anxious and uneasy, I got up and left, closing the door behind me.

I paced through the house as I waited, down the stairs and into the kitchen, paced for a few minutes there and then left to pace in the living room, then the master bathroom. Though it was "master" it was still a tight squeeze for my pacing needs. As I paced, I thought.

Primrose knew something. She _knew_ something. All that doctor experience must have taught her something. So in her time, she must have heard of something like this. Maybe it was yet another crazy neurological disease. Maybe it was something as totally benign as stress. Maybe I was worrying about nothing.

For a half-hour I paced, and right in the middle of walking up and down one of the guest bedrooms, Primrose appeared at the door. Hastily, before she could talk, I scanned her face for any notion of horrid news. But on the contrary, she looked relaxed, but sympathetic and sad.

"Is everything…?" I ran my tongue along my dry bottom lip with worry. "Is she okay?"

Primrose nodded. "She's fine. She's going to be alright."

A wave of relief hit me, not the strongest I've ever felt, but still strong. I closed my eyes and let my breath escape. A few seconds later, I reopened my eyes and looked at Prim. "What's wrong with her?"

But to my distress, she hesitated. "I… Maybe I should let her be the one to tell you. It's nothing major, I promise."

My feelings were mixed, relief mingled with the lingering apprehension. "Thank you, Primrose. Really."

"It was nothing." And by the tone of her voice, I nearly believed it myself. "I should go now, though."

"Are you sure…?" I wanted to thank her more for helping me out, but _honestly_ I felt like just being alone with here right now.

She knew this. "I'm alright. I need to get back to my pancakes anyways." Prim gave me an empathetic smile, and left.

I didn't even get to fall on my knees and thank her fifty billion times. Well, thank goodness. Swallowing, I let my legs adjust from not pacing, and exited the guest bedroom, only to enter my own. But to my surprise, Katniss was not still curled under the blankets. She was sitting up, legs bent in front of her. Both her elbows rested on her knees and her hands covered her face. What seemed like an ocean-ful of tears dripped from in between her fingers with every silent sob.

What had Prim told her?

Having the feeling of dread settle back down on my stomach, I rushed over to her side and put my arms around her. It wasn't really easy, seeing as how her hands were latched onto her face. I wove my fingers through hers and drew her arms down before being able to hold her to my chest. She made fists around clumps of my shirt, clenching and unclenching around the material. Noiseless heaves of her chest shook her entire body, making it shudder against mine.

This was worse than earlier. This was worse. Primrose said it wasn't anything bad. She said Katniss would be fine. Did she do anything? Did she say something bad? Maybe this is just a really bad dream. I pressed my face into Katniss' hair and breathed in her real, sweet scent. I don't dream with senses. This was real. Real and painful.

Finally, after quite some time, her breathing slowed and the tears were muted for now. I pulled back slightly to cup her face. "Katniss, love, what is wrong? What did Prim tell you?"

"You mean she didn't tell you herself…?" For a split-second, Katniss looked confused, but then the look of fright and worry reappeared, along with tears that made her eyes shine. "I shouldn't...I shouldn't tell you. Maybe it's nothing… It has to be nothing…" She seemed to be trying to convince herself more than anyone.

"Please, Katniss." She did this often, I've noticed. "Tell me. Please."

A fresh tear ran down her face, and she looked helpless. "I won't. At least….not yet. Not until I know it's true."

"When will you know?" I wiped the tears off with my thumb.

"If things go as planned?" She bit her lip and closed her eyes. For a second I thought she wouldn't tell me. The pregnant pause between us seemed to stretch on forever.

I raised my eyebrow.

"_If _things go as planned…" Katniss took a deep breath, then looked back up into my eyes. A galaxy full of stars reflected in them, dark and beautiful. She took a deep breath. "That would be tomorrow."

**oOo**

_You guys are smart, right? You can probably guess what's wrong, if you look at the simple, rounded facts. But I'm not telling you. Don't be upset, though. You'll learn next chapter. Love all of you, and don't forget to review!_


	33. Chapter 33

_That must have been a record; the amount of reviews I got within five hours. TWELVE. That is incredible! Thank you guys for being super-awesome and telling me how you feel about it and all. You want to know a secret? I like when I get constructive criticism. It lets me know you're paying attention, instead of those reviews I sometimes get saying "omgomgomg! UPDATE PLZ!" No offense, but it's just kind of…annoying. I like when you tell me what you liked and what you didn't like about it. But so far, everyone is doing AMAZING on that, so thank you, thank you, THANK YOU! Love you all!_

_And some of you were close, as to what Prim had told Katniss. Close, but no bone. ;) I was mean, by teasing you with "pregnant pause". Ehehe…_

_Btw I don't know about you guys, but I liked writing in Peeta's point of view, so I'm keeping it like that, okay? Okay, love you buh-bye. :3_

**oOo**

"Are you hungry?" I turned my eyes down to Katniss with the question.

We've been sitting here for a while, on our bed in the exact same position we had when Prim first left. Katniss was curled into a tiny ball at my side, covered with a blanket I had wrapped her in. She had been silent for quite some time; it was one in the afternoon. Apparently it had been about nine in the morning when I had woken up, so it had been a few hours since Katniss had found out…whatever she found out. I was dead curious, but I wasn't going to ask again. The look on Katniss' face told me not to, ever actually, unless she volunteers the information. She was staring blankly off into the distance, crusts of tears still drying on her cheeks. It had only been half an hour since she'd stopped crying, but that didn't merit speaking any. So I just held her, not pestering her in any way.

When she heard me speak, Katniss' shiny eyes glimpsed up to mine. She blinked, seemingly debating whether or not to take my offer. A second passed. "I…" She looked off to the right. An uncomfortable look flickered across her face. "I don't think so."

"Are you sure? You skipped breakfast." I reached up to tuck a piece of her unkempt hair behind her ear. It hadn't been brushed or washed in a while, but I really couldn't care less.

"I might throw it up." Her voice was quiet, and I could tell she was worried. She turned away.

This made me more curious than ever. I was _dying_ to know what was in her mind. I put the tip of my index finger under her chin and made her look at me. "What's wrong, Katniss?" I didn't beg. I didn't plead. I didn't even repeat my words for emphasis.

She stayed silent for a long time. Then, all of a sudden, she tugged the covers off and swung her legs over the edge of the bed. "Actually, I think I might be hungry. I'll go down and fix lunch."

_Yeah_. Like Katniss would fix us both a lovely lunch during a time of crisis. She had been crying for two hours nonstop, and hadn't moved a single muscle for even longer. It was horrible, sitting by and watching her be this miserable. It took a few seconds to register what she was doing, and by the time I scrambled up as well, she had already disappeared through the door. I stuck my head out the door, and strangely enough, I didn't even see her at the top of the stairs. Had she already gone down? How long _did_ I take gaping at her choices? Frowning slightly, I followed.

When I entered the kitchen, Katniss was already holding a loaf of bread in her hands, along with a knife. Her head was ducked over her work, and I failed to see the tears once again streaking her face. She was succeeded in immersing herself with work, or so I thought.

With a sympathetic groan, I moved up behind her and slipped my arms around her waist. My shoulders fit perfectly behind hers, as did my arms alongside her own. My fingers touched the backs of her wrists and Katniss, knowing what I meant, set down the bread and knife. I felt her back muscles tense up as she hung her head, hands on the countertop.

"What are you doing?" I said quietly in her ear as my hands slid up to rest of her shoulders. I was doing my best to not be too invading, but it was horribly hard, seeing as how all I wanted to do right now was squeeze my arms around Katniss and feel her melt into my skin.

She took a few seconds to answer. "I'm making sandwiches."

"Y—"

"It gets my mind off things, okay?" Katniss snapped, finally turning around so I could see the lines of worry creasing her young face, mingled with the tears that followed gravity down her face. "Sitting there doing nothing just gave me more time to think about it. I don't want to think about it. Maybe, if-if I _don't_ think about it, it won't come true."

Her mood seemed to sap all my energy as well. I ducked and set my face on her shoulder, feeling the bare skin of her shoulder with my lips. "I'm sorry. I really am." I held that position for a minute or so, and then lifted my head back up. "I'll help you with the sandwiches."

Katniss nodded, and after that we stood side-by-side, slicing bread, making lunch. It was simple and took barely any time, and that made me a little sad. This time I spent with her—in silence, busy and occupied—was precious and rare. It was only when the last sandwich was finished, I got the idea.

"Hey, Katniss." I leaned forwards on my hands on the counter, as she did earlier.

Katniss glanced up, and I was happy to note she was no longer crying. "What?"

"How do you feel about taking this somewhere else to eat?"

She peered at me and in seeing nothing suspicious, shrugged and looked back down at our food. "I suppose so. Where?"

We both already knew.

"The woods."

And in no time at all, a picnic was packed; sandwiches, bottles of water, and a piece of fresh fruit each. It was small, but more than satisfactory. Katniss was shrugging her coat on when I appeared back in the living room, small backpack at hand. She glanced at me and attempted a sort of smile, but it didn't reach her eyes. I had already set the pack down on the arm of the couch when she glanced down at her zipper. I took the four steps necessary to get to her, and slipped my fingers over hers. She looked up at me, mouth slightly open, and I zipped her jacket for her.

When I was done, my arms swung down at my sides, and we were just left gazing at each other. But Katniss dropped her gaze, a slight blush appearing on her cheeks.

"You always help me with buttons and zippers." She noted, and then looked back up. Another teensy smile appeared. "Thanks."

"Any time." And it was the truth. I would always help her, it was a fact. But I couldn't just ignore the face she was making; chin held high, lips parted slightly, eyes wide, face looking strong but weary. It was as expected when I leaned down to kiss her. The mean part of me enjoyed making it short, because I knew that when I pulled away, there'd always be that resentful, desirous look. And she'd still be on her tippy toes, wanting more. It amused me. But I held on for just a little longer, for the both of us.

When I drew back, there was plenty time to notice Katniss' dinner-plate eyes. I couldn't help but smile as I hiked the pack a little higher on my shoulder. "We should go."

Katniss, who still looked somewhat dazed, nodded and let me lead her outside. We were silent up until about ten feet into the woods, branches crunching underfoot. Actually, that was just me, but anyways, I was a bit curious as to what our destination was.

"Are we going to the lake?" I asked, to no one in particular, really, because I was leading the way just as much as her.

Katniss blinked, and caught her bottom lip in between her teeth. "Actually… I have somewhere else in mind... If that's okay."

I was pushed forwards with curiosity, shuffling my feet so where I stood a little closer. "Where?"

"Just…somewhere."

Part of me felt sympathetic towards her because I saw how hard she was trying to maintain a normal composure, and I knew it was because of me. She doesn't want me asking her anything again. I felt guilty, and yet proud she was actually able to stay sane for a few minutes at a time. That's sad…

As we walked, I kept my eyes trained on Katniss; the way she moved, where her eyes followed, the way her fingers twitched every so often. Her bone structure was so slight, so delicate. Every time she took a step, it was as if a feather fell on the forest floor, not even disturbing fallen leaves or sticks. She distributed her weight so where half of it was in her aura, floating around the air. She was so graceful and beautiful, I just felt like reaching out and tracing the bones, and feeling her muscles with every step she took. I wanted to reach out and feel how she moved, how she worked. The longing was so…insane and powerful, it was impossible to ignore.

With a careful finger, I reached over and trailed it down the slight curve of her spine, all the way down to nearly the waistband of her trousers. Of course, I stopped there, and lifted my hand back up to trace the lines of her throat.

Katniss' eyes fell upon me and she gave me a look, not saying anything. I withdrew my hand and kept walking. But ironically, it was only about fifteen seconds later we slowed to a stop. I lifted my head off the uneven ground and looked out and the area.

It was the same as everywhere else. The deciduous forest spread out around us, mossy earth, a broken tree fell nearby. Nothing about it was particularly special.

I shot a curious glance at Katniss. "Is this where we're stopping?"

Her grey eye darted to absorb our surroundings, and then she nodded. "This is the place."

I didn't feel like asking why this particular twenty-square foot area was the one she had chosen. Instead, I went along with it and sat next to her under a fanning oak tree. The pack swung of my shoulder and into my lap.

"Your lunch," I handed Katniss her sandwich, then an apple and a bottle of water.

We ate quietly, listening and soaking in the sounds of the forest. Birds called to one another across the trees, crickets sang their chirpy little tunes, and the wind rattled leaves on their branches. And even long after our food was done, we sat back on our hands staring up at the shapes made by the sky around the canopy of trees. I felt Katniss' fingers overlap mine, but she didn't look over, so neither did I. It was only when she scooted over to press her side against mine I decided to wrap my arm around her shoulder and lay back on the moss with her.

Katniss reached over to take my spare hand in hers, and played absentmindedly with my fingers. Everything was peaceful and serene and…lovely. With a tiny sigh, I ducked my head and just pressed my face against the side of hers. I could feel the tip of her nose brush mine, our temples aligned, and even the corners of our mouths touched. I hoped she could feel it when I smiled, and within the tranquility of the moment, I felt myself slip away. It was soon I fell asleep there in the forest, Katniss curled in my arms.

I wasn't sure how long I'd been out, but when I awoke back, it was to the scream of a woman. I shot straight up, scrambling around frantically next to me, my thoughts on Katniss. But she was there, blinking sleep from her eyes just like me, putting her arms halfway around my waist in confusion.

"What was that?" She said in a slightly croaky voice, looking around.

"I heard screaming." This was confusing, and now that I was fully awake, I couldn't pinpoint exactly where the scream had come from. Had I heard it, or was it in my head? I turned my head back down to Katniss to say something else, but I heard it.

A high, piercing scream split the night, bone-rattling and terrorizing. It was at out left, and very, very close.

Katniss' eyes shot wide with fright. "Mountain lion," She breathed, and I actually saw the heartbeat in her throat speed up. "Get up. Come on." Katniss stood up, pulling me along with her.

I shot my head back and forth, trying to see the wild cat. I've never seen a mountain lion, but I have a feeling I really don't want to. When I didn't spot anything right away, I glanced back down at Katniss. "Where—?"

"Shh!" Suddenly, her eyes latched to something above me, a bit to the left, and she clamped down on my arm.

I followed her gaze, up to the giant oak tree she was staring at. There, perched elegantly on one of the thicker branches, was a cat. It was sleek and cinnamon-colored, and very big. Eyes like slivers of glass shone down upon us, and its mouth was parted slightly, exposing razor-sharp fangs. But to my horror, me in particular. And Katniss knew this.

We were frozen completely where we stood, watching the puma as it sprang lightly from one branch to another. And unfortunately, that branch was directly above me. I could feel its gaze boring into mine. Beads of sweat pricked the back of my neck.

"Stay here." Katniss' voice was as quiet as possible, and she shoved me roughly against the trunk of the tree, pinning me closely as possible. And with that, she slinked into the foliage.

I wanted to call out to her to come back, but I was too terrified to even do that. Instead of letting out any noise of fear, I busied myself with trying to locate where Katniss had slinked off to. Then I saw her; a shadow low to the ground, darting from behind trees over to the fell one a ways off. A low growl erupted from above me and I cringed, flattening myself even closer to the tree. Terror was pounding my heart right out of my chest; it was going to break right through my ribs. For a split-second, I let my vision go black with fright, and when I adjusted them back to reality, what happened was so fast it was a blur.

Katniss appeared out in the open, bow in hand, quiver on back, and an arrow nocked on the string. In slow motion, I saw her draw the bow back, fingers at the corner of her mouth, and she released. The arrow spun in midair and thumped to its target. A screech of pain, and with a great thrashing noise, the giant animal tore down from its perch to the ground not four feet from me. I backed away a bit and stared; a long, thin arrow was lodged in the shoulder blade of the mountain lion and it spasmed, pained growling rolling from its throat. Its limbs twitched helplessly, and its breathing got heavy. I gaped. Katniss _never_ missed.

Just as I thought that very thought, a second arrow split the air and silenced the creature for good. After that, everything was still and silent, but tense. I let myself glance over at Katniss, knowing full well my eyes were huge with start. But Katniss wasn't looking at me. Her gray eyes were trained on the dead puma, but what shocked me most was the look of complete vacancy, wiped clean of any emotion.

Somehow, my feet found themselves for me and I dragged myself over to stand next to her, staring alongside at the animal. Her eyes met mine, forcing me away from the dead stare.

Her mouth opened to say something, but it closed again. I could see her throat working, swallowing again and again.

"You knew your bow was stored nearby. That's why you took us here, wasn't it?" It wasn't a big reason, but apparently, it was the right one because she slowly nodded her head.

"Yes." Her voice was just barely a whisper. "But I didn't plan on using it again…" She took a ragged breath and stared down at the delicate weapon in her hand. "I should have done it sooner. My heart was fighting with itself. Whether to let go of him and move on, or not…."

By 'him' she meant Gale, obviously. And to my surprise, I didn't hate him just then. I just felt sad that he caused Katniss so much pain.

She didn't seem to register the sympathy on my face. Her eyes turned back to the dead mountain lion, face still wiped. "But mostly, I was afraid." There was no elaborating.

So instead, I reached over to put my arm around her waist comfortingly, but to my surprise, she flung her bow aside and wrapped her arms around my waist tightly. Tighter than I would have imagined, for such a small girl. Katniss buried her face in my collarbone and she shook all over, trembling so violently I thought she'd just collapse right then and there. She made it three seconds before she did.

I slid to the ground with her wrapped in my arms, holding her as close as allowed. She had her fists gathered around the material of my shirt, pressing her face into it.

"I'm sorry…" I wanted to say more, but the words didn't come out.

"I wasn't afraid for _me_, Peeta." She lifted her face from my chest, and I could see frightened tears streak her cheeks. "It was going to kill you."

My mouth opened to say something, _anything_, but nothing came. What was there to say? Nothing, apparently, so I just pressed her tighter to me, burying my face in her hair. With my fingers, I felt the cords of tension in her arms, the back of her neck, down her back. I could feel her heartbeat still pounding when I traced down her shoulder blades. I wondered if mine was doing the same; I couldn't feel any movement in my chest, but I was sure it was screaming just as loud.

Drawing a deep breath, Katniss pulled into an upwards position, trembling hands propping herself up on my chest. Though her eyes were still shining with tears, her face was no longer contorted. On the contrary, it was hesitant and enraptured. Her grey eyes drank in my face, and I fought off the coming sense of unease. At least she wasn't _crying_ anymore. But I couldn't help myself.

"What is it?" I asked when she reached up a hand to touch the tip of her index finger to my temple.

"I don't know." She shrugged, and unwillingly brought her hand back down away from my face.

"No, it's okay," I assured her, feeling a bit guilty for making her stop. In response to her frown, I took one of her hands with my own and brought it up to my neck. I could feel her smooth skin just barely tickle mine, and I inwardly hoped she could feel my heart going crazy at her touch. "I don't mind."

But she didn't smile. Either her thoughts were elsewhere or she was actually _attempting_ not to respond, but either way, she just concentrated on her hand brushing my neck. She slid it down to the collar of my shirt, still absorbed. I wanted to shake my head and laugh at her; a guy could only take so much.

I lifted a hand to tilt her face up to mine. And something that amused me the most was the look of surprise on her face, as though she hadn't expected me to do that at all. My lips stretched into a smile when I pressed them to hers. After that my eyes closed, so I couldn't see any more of her facial expressions.

Katniss tasted sweet; like the apples we had early. It still lingered on her mouth strangely enough, and hadn't been washed away by the water or fear. If it wasn't too strange, she was my favorite thing. I'd rather just lay here on the forest floor with her, absorbing her taste, her smell, her sight, getting lost in the mere thought of her. I always did. It was inevitable, really. When I cupped my hand around the back of her neck, the world just fell away. I loved this.

She went with it, bracing herself against me. I ended up just giving up the effort of sitting upright. But of course, when I fell backwards, she was pulled down with me. My arms slid around her automatically, but when I felt Katniss try to grip the collar of my shirt, her fingers were shaking so badly it was useless. I pulled my arms from her waist, taking her hands in mine.

"Why are you trembling?" I murmured, my lips tracing the line of her jaw, still holding her hands. When she didn't answer right away, I pulled away to look her straight in the eyes. She was crying. Again. "Tell me. You keep going on and off, crying on second, better the next. What's going on? _Tell me_."

She started shaking her head, and then looked away. "Nothing, nothing… It can't be…can't be anything." Whatever it was, she seemed to be just denying it, not assuring both of us it won't happen.

"If it isn't anything then _tell me_." I pleaded, gripping her wrists with my fingers, gentle yet firm.

She was still shaking her head, and another tear rolled down her face. "I can't—"

"_Tell me, _Katniss. I need to know." It wasn't just out of curiosity I was begging her to tell me. If it was something big enough to act like this over, it couldn't be 'nothing'. "Tell m—"

"I can't!" She screamed, and tore her hands from mine and got up off my chest. She was breathing heavily, crying, and shaking all over, gripping her elbows to herself. But when I stood up, too, and made to put my arms around her, she just turned her back to me. "Let's go home."

Wordlessly, I picked up the small backpack again and swung it over my shoulder. I was stupid to think she was better again. Getting screamed at like that kind of jolted me back to reality, and I understood that maybe I should be a little more careful talking to her.

We walked back home in silence, Katniss about ten feet in front of me, trudging through the forest not even bothering to be quiet, head kept low. She was still shaking, but found enough stability to go faster than usual. I wasn't used to this, not being able to reach out and hold her, or at least say _something_. It was killing me. And _I_ did that to her. _I_ made her scream and cry. Guilt sat in my gut like a boulder.

We got home and without saying anything, Katniss went upstairs. I knew she needed time, so I busied myself with emptying the pack of trash, and storing it back on its peg on the wall. And I took my time going back up the flight of stairs. When I went back into our room, Katniss was sitting up in bed, in her usual white nightdress, arms crossed over her stomach seemingly in pain. Her eyes were closed, and she didn't bother looking up when I crossed the room to the bathroom.

I made my shower quick, and when I was finished, toweled off and pulled on a pair of pajama pants. Swallowing my previous concerned feelings, I went back into the room. Katniss was still there, in the exact same position as earlier. I crossed the floor and sat next to her.

Neither of us said anything. Honestly, I was hoping her to say something first, so I wouldn't screw it up again. And funnily enough, she _did_ say something first.

"Goodnight, Peeta." She turned her back to me and laid down, pulling the covers up to her chin.

I didn't say anything still. My heart had sank down to my feet and, feeling horrid, I stretched out next to her as well and closed my eyes. It was hard to ignore the empty feeling in my arms, but I managed.

Sleep crept up slowly on me, and in half an hour, I was on the verge of drifting off, but right before I did, I felt something sweet and gentle on the corner of my mouth. A kiss. I peeked my eyes open just in time to see Katniss turning back around. But there was no time to do anything before I fell asleep.

**oOo**

_I feel horrible. I said that this chapter would be when you find out, but it isn't because it was getting WAY too long, so I split it into two chapters. The next one. And I'm serious this time. I just got a bit carried away with the picnic, it was a bit pointless this chapter… . Keep an eye out for the next one; It's coming soon! Prolly tomorrow…. :D Review!_


	34. Chapter 34

_Okay, THIS ONE is the chapter you learn why Katniss is acting how she's acting. Sorry about the confusion. Love you all! Just to let you know it's in Peeta's POV. Again. Still. It's awful long, but I refuse to do to you again what I did to you last chapter. So it's going to be long, longer than any other chapter I've ever written. Ever. Deal with it. _

_Oh, and teensy, mild language. _

**oOo**

Screaming woke me at eight o'clock in the morning. Through the blackness of the night, I managed to find the tiny cord to the lamp, and upon switching it on, I saw Katniss there next to me. She was tangled up to the waist in blankets, and had a pillow pressed into her face. But past the pillow, I could see the sheen of sweat on the back of her neck, wetting the edge of her hairline. She was breathing heavily, panicked cries leaked through the pillow, escaping being muffled.

It was instinctive reaching over and pulling her into my chest, managing to loosen the cushion away from her. Now that she didn't have the pillow to scream into, she resisted being pressed into my chest. Instead, she sat up and clapped her hands over her mouth, eyes wide. Tears streamed around the obstacles of her fingers.

I sat up in front of her as well, with legs tucked beneath me, and cupped her face in my hands. I continuously smoothed back her hair that way, and after she screams withered down to just sobs, I smoothed my hands against the skin of her neck, her shoulders, down her back. Thankfully, she didn't resist me doing _that_. Slowly, Katniss was able to lower her hands. When her arms fell limp at her sides, she looked down at my hands as if she hadn't noticed they were around her.

I didn't take them away. "Are you alright?" I asked honestly, leaning my face in a little closer to hers, feeling a worry line crease my forehead.

She opened her mouth, perhaps to say yes, but a sob interrupted her words. It was time to be truthful. "No, Peeta, I'm not." Thankfully, then she decided to throw her arms around me and bury her face in my chest.

I was startled into stumbling backwards from my folded legs, and they sprawled in front of me. Katniss refused to budge her position, only pressing closer to me, either oblivious or not caring that my legs stretched on either side of her curled body. She normally didn't care about that kind of stuff, I've noticed.

I held for God knows how long. All I know was that with every stroke to her cheek or neck, her shivers and sobs grew lesser, until they were altogether gone. She took a deep breath and propped herself up on her elbows, looking at me.

"I'm gross, all covered in sweat. Sorry." Katniss mumbled that last word, and began to get up, but I kept her there for just a brief moment more.

"I just want you to know," I put my lips right next to her ear, fingers carefully curled around her upper arms. "that I'm never going to be angry at you. Even if you're upset at me." I drew away again, and smiled at her genuinely.

Katniss looked ashamed. "I-I'm sorry. About last night." She looked thoughtful, then even guiltier. "And the night before, I suppose. I don't hate you."

"I know that." I leaned my forehead on hers.

"I was just feeling weird. I still do, sort of. I'll try not to scream at you. Again." She spared a tiny, sad smile, and then got up off me.

I watched her as she slipped through the bathroom door after grabbing clothes, feeling as though a small weight had been lifted from my heart, if only miniscule. She's going to be okay. Probably. In fact, I was feeling okay enough to let myself not get up yet. There's no hurry to get down to the kitchen to make breakfast, or in fact do anything other than lay here waiting for her. I had been trying to shove the guilty feeling of being so iffy about the days my bakery is open, but who cares.

She came into the room some half-hour later, in a pair of loose tan trousers and a tank-top. Honestly, I don't think I've seen her in one of those in quite some time, mostly because she's been uncaring about her choice of attire. Her black hair was already combed out and laying in sleek wet strips down her shoulders past the small of her back. She seemed alert and fine, if not anxious.

Katniss scooted onto the bed next to me and—after tucking her knees to her chest—accepted my arm around her. But on noting the switch in her mood, I decided to inquire. I tilted my head down near hers. "How are you feeling today?"

She cocked her head, probably thinking the best way to answer. Then her eyes flicked up to meet mine. "Every minute that passes, I feel better."

That was an odd answer. I frowned, but said nothing. In the time I've been with Katniss, I've learned to never question existing sanity. So instead of saying anything, I kept my silence and squeezed her a little closer. My arm was curled around her shoulders, my fingers just barely brushing the thin white strap of her tank-top. She seemed so _small_ in my arms, so delicate. I loved being with Katniss, as I've said countless other times. She does to me what no one else can… If that makes any sense.

Several different ways this day could go streaked through my mind, some good, some not. We couldn't just stay like this in bed all day. Maybe we could go to the bakery, and I could amuse her with letting her bake something. That was always a laugh. Fighting a smile at the thought, I peered down at her. "Do you want to go to town today?"

But strangely enough, as soon as I said those words, Katniss' face fell. She bit her lower lip, contemplating.

"Not if you don't want to." I bent down to kiss her forehead.

"No, no, it's fine." She put on her brave face and straightened up. Her eyes flicked over to me and a small smile touched her lips. Small, but nonetheless there. "You might need to put on some clothes first."

_Clothes are overrated_ I wanted to say. I didn't. Instead, I smiled back and stood up to change. A memory from yesterday cropped up in my head and I was immediately blessed with the thought of Katniss' reaction to me changing in front of her. She looked shocked and worried, as if it was a complete scandal I undressed in front of her. Despite her objections, she was _quite_ innocent, even considering the things she has done. It made me laugh, remembering the startled, pink expression, and I decided to not change in the room. I spared a glance at her before ducking into the bathroom, and saw she looked a bit relieved. And another look? Disappointment? Nah, it couldn't be.

I smiled to myself.

After pulling on a fresh pair of clothes and tossing the pajama bottoms into the laundry hamper, I went back out. Katniss was standing in front of the hanging mirror next to the closet, doing her hair back into a braid. I snuck up behind her and put my hands over hers, temporarily pausing her plaiting.

"You should put it back into two braids." I suggested, winding my fingers through the thick black hair, now only a tad damp, making it unravel.

"Nah." Katniss wrinkled her bunny nose, which was adorable. "I wore it like that when I was seven."

"Like when I first saw you." I said quietly. I saw Katniss glance at my reflection in the mirror, eyes shining with something I didn't recognize. The memory came back…the red plaid dress…the deep voice of my father…the Valley Song…

Katniss saw the memories in my eyes as if they were her own. She waited a few seconds before answering. "Okay." Her lips formed a tiny smile, again, and she reached back up to part her hair down the middle for braiding it.

When she finished, it was like twelve years ago all over again. Her lovely oval face shining olive, framed by the feathers of black reaching down past the waistband of her trousers. She was different, of course, older. Tougher. But I could still see the girl I watched from afar so long ago, back when I was six, or something like that. Sighing slightly, I was tugged gently from my reverie. Katniss looked uncomfortable, as she usually did under my staring gaze.

"Excellent." I smiled at her, seeing the uneasiness melt like ice under the summer sun. "You look amazing." There wasn't an ounce of untruth in those words.

She looked up at me through her eyelashes and looked grateful. "Thanks."

And taking her hand gently in mine, I led her down the stairs and out the door.

Our walk into town was slow, and I was careful to steer clear of anything that'd upset Katniss again. She kept tight hold of my hand, weary grey eyes flicking around the buildings. We both knew we weren't really headed anywhere in particular. Of course, the bakery was probably going to be our destination eventually, but for now we just wandered. At one point, just for fun, I brought her around the front of metalsmith's building. From inside, I could see the old man look up and, upon recognizing me, smiled. I smiled back, squeezing the small hand around mine.

Katniss looked up and her gaze followed mine into the blacksmith's shop, but she didn't make the connection. She just blinked at the old man and turned back to me, with eyebrows raised.

As we walked past, I let my thumb feel the thin metal band on her left hand's ring finger. I bent down closer to her and said quietly, "That's where I got your ring made."

Katniss, understanding, lifted our hands up to once again examine the ring. It sat, small and delicate on her finger equally delicate. It balanced it out and just went so perfectly with her entire…self. Katniss twisted it with her thumbs and gazed at the writing on the opposite side of the stone.

"_'Always'…_" She murmured, and then I saw the moment of wonder when she looked up at me. "Perfect." Another ghost of a smile touched her lips. Just then, she looked so beautiful and innocent in her tank-top and pigtails and big gray eyes.

I let go of Katniss' hand to put it around her shoulder and kiss her on the cheek. "Like you."

"I'm not perfect." She dropped her gaze, almost as if ashamed.

"You are to me."

Katniss didn't say anything to that, which was probably best. She left it suspended in the air to sink in. But there was no denying the sparkle in her eyes when I said it.

We walked, and eventually I decided to bring up the topic of what we were doing in town. I peeked down at her and disrupted her vague, preoccupied look.

"Do you want to go to the bakery?" I asked.

She blinked and shook her head, clearing the cobwebs. Her grey eyes met mine. "Fine." It wasn't rude when she spoke. Just a word.

If we were going to the bakery, our path would be behind us, so using the arm I had around her shoulders, I steered her back in the other direction. People didn't stare near as much as we strolled past on the cobblestones. Katniss didn't seem to mind our closeness, pressed together with my arm. She didn't seem to mind anything between us actually, now that I think of it. Except undressing in front of her. The memory made my face split into a grin. A grin that Katniss caught.

"What?" Her eyebrow raised a miniscule degree, but she had on her same, expressionless face.

I shook my head, still fighting off that smile. "Just remembering yesterday. The look on your face when I changed in front of you."

Katniss flushed, and looked away, obviously embarrassed. "Oh," was all she said.

"You'd think you would have acted a little less shell-shocked after what you allowed to happen between us."

She scowled, just like the Katniss I remembered. "You surprised me. And it was as much _you_ as it was _me_, you know."

This was amusing me, making the silent walk to the bakery a little more entertaining. "I've wanted to do it for a while, but it was _you_ stopping me. That was the only thing, so don't say I had a say in what happened. My mind was already made up. You just let me—"

"Can we stop talking about this?" Katniss shot me a look, still scowling. "We're in public."

Of course, I was still grinning when I looked away. She knew I'd won, but she was right. Talking about our sex life in public wasn't considered polite. But there was no denying that when I _did_ look away, I could see the minute smile stretch across her face.

We walked on for another few minutes until the bakery was standing in front of us, the same as ever, if not a bit dejected. But I did not feel any sympathy for it. It was a building.

My arm slid from Katniss' shoulder to grip her hand, and went around the back to fish the spare key out of its hiding spot. I'd left my real one in the pocket of another pair of jeans back home. Sighing slightly, I slid the key into the lock and opened the back door. It groaned in protest, and Katniss and I walked in.

The lights were off, so I flicked them on and went into the front entrance to unlock the door and turn the open sign around. This old thing was my oldest friend, the only place I could get myself lost in (except for, of course, back in my room with Katniss, but that's a different story). Sure, I was imprisoned in it by my lovely mother for pretty much all of my life, but baking was something I genuinely enjoyed. Like painting. Simple things in life that made it worth living. But neither of those hobbies compared to just sitting in the grass, holding Katniss' hand. She was better than everything…

I shook my head as I rewrote the prices on staler bits of pastries and bread. I shouldn't let my head wander so much. It couldn't be that healthy.

Katniss had apparently drifted off back into the kitchen, so as soon as I flipped the 'open' sign over, I headed back there. And sure enough, she was perched on a chair, feet tucked under her, nibbling on some cheese buns I'd left on the counter a few days ago. When I saw her eating it, I let out a laugh and tied an apron on.

"I can make new ones, you know." After washing my hands, I got a pan and some ingredients out from the cupboards. "Those can't be too delicious, being days old."

Katniss looked at the food in her hands, blinked, then shrugged. "They're not bad. I'm not really, hungry, though. Just…"

"Bored?" I suggested.

"Elsewhere." She set the bread back down on the table and crossed her arms over her torso. "I'm not feeling that good, too."

"Stomach?" I frowned, not liking her being in any pain whatsoever. Somewhere far back in my head, a possibility popped up, but I shoved it down. It was impossible that the symptoms of pregnancy would show up this early. _Quite_ impossible, really. Though, it was sad swallowing down the feeling of excitement that had only lasting a millisecond.

"Yeah." Katniss nodded. "But it's odd. I'm sure I'll be fine." She attempted a teensy smile and stood up, drifting over to where I was standing, squishing my hands around the pasty dough of her soon-to-be fresh cheese buns. She opened her mouth to say something else, but a tiny tinkling sound from the front of the shop shut it again.

I frowned again. A costumer. I glanced over at Katniss. "Do you think you could…?"

"I'll go see what they want." She nodded, accepting her job. And before anything else was said, she disappeared through the door.

I sorted the dough out into globs, which I put close-together in a pan. On top went thickly-shredded cheddar cheese. As I worked I hummed a quiet tune to myself.

Katniss appeared in the doorway again, and flicked one of her braids out of the way. "She wants a dozen chocolate cookies." A strange look was on her face, but not necessarily bad.

I nodded and, wiping some flour off on my apron, took out a paper bag from the shelf. There were trays of cookies in the forever-on warming oven, and I took thirteen of those out and shoved them into a bag. Chocolate was sparse in my baking, making any chocolate item expensive, but chocolate _cookies_… Barely anyone had the money for those nowadays. But that's okay. Money was money, and there was nothing holding me back from walking back into the front room. I was greeted by a young lady.

She looked exhausted, but kind nevertheless. With coppery curls and brilliant grass-green eyes, she was completely familiar. I smiled as I handed her the bag. "Hello! You're…Ivy's Mother, am I right?"

The woman nodded and smiled at me and Katniss. "I am. I don't normally buy things this…spendy," She looked slightly guilty. "But it's Ivy's birthday today. I wanted a cake for her, but…" The lady sighed, and smiled again. "How much is the total?" She changed the topic back to money.

Katniss hung by the wall, silent.

"Nothing." I waved my hand, dismissing the cost. "Tell her happy birthday from us."

The lady glanced at Katniss, then me, and smiled again, obviously relieved. "Thank you. Really. And honestly, Ivy hasn't shut up since Tuesday. It's the most I've heard her talk. _Ever_, really."

From the corner of my eye, I caught Katniss' small smile, then her face fell and she looked sad. I reached out and took her hand, but still looking at the woman. I smiled at her. "Where is she now?"

"With her grandparents." She rolled the top of the cookie bag closed with both hands, and gripped it as if it was precious.

I wondered where the father was worked in, but I had the sneaking suspicion he was out of the picture, so I didn't ask. Instead, I nodded again. "Well, tell her happy birthday, and enjoy the cookies."

"Thank you, again." The lady gave me a grateful look, and walked out, but not before she caught my sad look. Every child should have a father. And when—or _if_—I become one, I'll be the best father ever… Like my own. And Katniss would be the best mother…

I shook my head again. No time for thoughts like that. There was work to be done. So with Katniss as my (sort of) assistant, I worked for a couple of hours, refilling the glass display cases with fresh sweets, and so on. Katniss just drifted around, staying behind the counter as I baked, and she refused every time I offered to let her help. Her refusal always came with a tiny, apologetic smile, and I knew she was thinking what I was thinking. That's okay. We all have our talents.

It was around three-thirty in the afternoon, and I had flour caked thoroughly under my fingernails and all over the apron I was wearing. Even though we'd been there for almost six hours, Katniss never complained. She watched intently, but I noticed a slight change in her expression over the hours. It turned from vacant to a grimace. At four I slammed shut the oven and wiped my hands off on my apron.

"Is everything okay, Katniss?"

She grimaced even further and shrugged, but only barely visible. "I…don't know. I feel really weird, and…my stomach kind of feels…" Katniss swallowed and shrugged a second time. "Never mind."

Though she spoke with her usual ineloquence, there was something in her words. Fright, maybe? I couldn't tell, but something wasn't right about this. With a sympathetic frown, I reached down to put my hand on the back of her neck. "Do you want to go home?"

Katniss bit her lower lip, and after only a few seconds of considering, she nodded. "I do. But I can go without you if you still want to work." She stood up from the lone wooden chair in the corner. "Not a chance." I wanted to smile at this, but I didn't. I was worried for Katniss.

I peeled my flour-caked apron off and hung it back on its hook with the rest of the aprons. The entire place smelled of fresh bread, now, and the cheese buns I'd baked were sitting in a cloth sack on one of the counters. Katniss had only eaten one, which surprised me. Sighing in worry, I washed off the residue of random bits of dough from my hands, and then wrapped the other around the top of the sack. After that, I only had to flip the open sign and lock the doors before heading back out. I'd wanted to put my arm around Katniss again, but she wouldn't allow it. Instead, her arms twisted themselves around her own body, and she shivered. But I don't think it was because of the weather.

We got home and she went upstairs. Didn't even wait up. With a frown, I set the sack of buns on the kitchen table and followed. This was driving me _insane_, what she was doing. Fine one second, upset the next. Maybe she had just caught the flue. Yes, that had to be it.

Katniss was sitting there on the bed, both legs and arms crossed. She wasn't crying, though. Her face was as vacant as ever, and when she heard me come in, she glanced up at me, though she didn't say anything.

I sat down next to her and did my best not to touch her in any way, knowing she would just brush me off again. "So…" I chewed on the inside of my cheek, feeling anxious. "Is anything wrong?"

Katniss raised an eyebrow at me with a '_duh_' look on.

"Let me rephrase that; is there anything I could do to help you?"

This time, she considered with an obvious lump in her throat. "I…" But a sudden twitch jolted her head and she pressed her palms to her temples. "Ugh, who am I kidding? No, I am not alright, but I don't know what you could do. It keeps coming up in my head, I just—" Katniss inhaled sharply, then suddenly veered away from whatever she meant that comes up in her head. "Every second that I'm not actually doing something, it gets worse. I need a distraction from this…this pain."

I reached up to fiddle with the end of one of her braids, but she flinched away. "Okay, but another question; why won't you let me touch you?"

She swallowed visibly and avoided my gaze, dropping hers in almost what seemed like humiliation. "I'm…afraid of letting you down." But when she looked back up at me, I could see that shine in her eyes that told me that anything deeper than that was forbidden to be asked about.

"You won't let me down." I assured her, feeling only slightly robbed of moments I could have been spending with her, but have been prevented by that excuse. "You never have. But now that you know you won't let me down, can I touch you now?"

Katniss seemed a tad annoyed at this and made a face. But when she spoke, her voice was not as sure and strong as her expression. On the contrary, it was barely a whisper and kept braking. "How do you know I won't? Because I will. I know I will…" She squeezed her eyes shut, then opened them again.

"But I can't stand watching you live in pain." I said, nearly begging. "You won't tell me what's wrong, and I've accepted that, but in the very least, let me help you through this by being there."

What little strength and self-control was sapped away when I said that. Tears did not threaten to fall, however. I just sat there, eyes locked with Katniss'.

Her eyebrows knit in a pitiful puppy look at my words, and her mouth opened to say something, but only a small puff of air came out. So instead of saying the words, Katniss just nodded.

I was careful, hesitant, putting my arms around her waist and holding her to me. I felt her rest her forehead on my collarbone, breathing heavily. I'm not sure if it was in attempt not to cry, or other reasons.

Her hands made shaky fists around the material of my shirt, not in _lust_ or anything. But she kept her face buried in my collarbone. I heard her voice, muffled, from my chest, wet with silent tears that I hadn't noticed. "_Hold me tighter._"

Part of me wanted to laugh. She didn't want me to hold her, now she wanted me to hold her tighter. But I didn't laugh. Instead, I did as I was told and locked my arms around her. Since we were both sitting next to each other, it was an awkward position so I propped one knee under myself. Katniss' hands were still shaking as she let go of my shirt only to rub her eyes. And there was a split-second when she pulled away, our eyes met. Hers were glistening with tears, red around the rims. I leaned down to kiss her forehead, but missed. Because Katniss pulled her head up and pressed her lips to mine.

They tasted of salt and fear, but behind that I could taste her, the way she's always tasted. It was indescribably sweet.

I felt a small sigh bubble up from my throat. "How come I can never understand you?" I let go for a second to ask her that, but it didn't work, ending up slurring the words.

Just when I had thought Katniss was ignoring that, she broke away, heart still pounding in my own chest. But I'd thought she'd answer me. She didn't. And I'd thought she'd look happier. She didn't. A horrid, guilty look painted her face theatrically like a clowns, except real. She was horrified about something, but before I got the chance to ask her, she shoved away from me and sat, huddled, at the other end of the bed. Her hands covered her face in horror. I knew, somehow, that she didn't want me comforting her. And that was okay. Because five seconds later, I heard her voice muffled by her hands.

"Remember what I said about distractions?" She whispered through her fingers, and Katniss bent her head up to look at me.

Something about the sickened expression on her face froze me from moving or speaking at all. I don't get it…

"I don't want to become that kind of person, Peeta," Tears slipped from her shining grey eyes and trickled in a steady line down her cheek. "who depends on physical distractions for emotional pain. I can't…"

Is that what it was? She didn't kiss me for the sake of kissing me, but for a distraction? I understood her pain, but part of me deep inside was hurt by this. I couldn't possibly be…merely a distraction, could I? Surely not…

Katniss was clutching her head in both hands now, face contorted and red. Her breath was coming out in ragged pants. But suddenly, she stood up off the bed in fury. "Damn it…" She growled, and stomped into the bathroom.

I was shocked. Katniss _never_ cursed.

She didn't close the door behind her, but it swung anyways in a halfhearted attempt. It was open enough for me to hear the sink running, and splashes. When I got the nerve to stand up and walk in, I saw her leaning on her elbows on the edges of the sink, face dripping with cold water. She heard me come in and she glanced up, but didn't say anything. And neither did I when I reached past her to grab a towel from the rack, which I offered to her. Katniss accepted it and pressed it to her face, getting rid of most of the water. When she was finished, the towel was tossed onto the floor carelessly. When nothing _still_ was said, I took her hand and tugged her back into the room.

Katniss was fine with me pulling her onto the bed with me. She was fine with curling into my chest and letting me wrap my arms around her waist. She was fine with me tucking the blankets up to her chest. She was fine with crying in front of me. She was fine with all that, but only let me do the first. Once I led her onto the bed, she just sat there letting the tears dry from her face. Once again, it was expressionless

I was on the brink of just breaking down and pleading to tell her what was going on in her mind, why she was acting like this. Ignoring her flinch, I put my arm around her waist. "Would it be better if I left you alone? Went along with my own stuff? Stopped nagging you?"

And to my extreme surprise, Katniss' eyes widened twice their size and shank against me. "Don't leave me." She whispered, but her voice was more of a squeak.

"Fat chance." I then put my other arm around her and planted a soft kiss on her cheek. "It's going to take a lot more than a few days of hardships to make me leave you."

Another ghost of a smile traced her face. "I'll be right back." Like water through cupped fingers, she slid out from my arms and dragged herself into the bathroom.

I felt myself staring after her. I want to _understand her_. I want to know what's going on in that head of hers, what's making her so upset one minute, totally expressionless the next, better after that, then back to crying again. I wanted to know what was the matter, why she was acting like this, avoiding my arms, but kissing me when she thought I was asleep. What was _wrong_?

I was so wound up in my thoughts, I didn't even notice for a good ten minutes that no noises were coming from the bathroom. No flushing, no spray of the water from the sink. No nothing. I only realized when I was pulled out of my reverie at eleven minutes after she left. What was the matter _now_? There wasn't any window to jump from, but if that wasn't it, what was?

**KATNISS' POV**

I was frozen. Every inch of me was covered with, and simply _was_ ice. My heart was beating slow and heavy in my chest, my eyes locked into a permanently wide expression. I couldn't understand, I couldn't _comprehend_ what just happened. It wasn't even…I couldn't… A million possibilities stemmed from my mind, each equally horrifying.

I was sitting, shivering, in the bathtub. It had been a few minutes since I had left Peeta sitting on our bed, feeling a tiny bit better. He hasn't noticed I was gone? Or how I hadn't even turned on the tap to wash my hands? I didn't really care right then. My brain was flowing too thick to understand anything except those four words… They kept repeating over and over again, each time getting worse

"Katniss?" There he was. Peeta knocked on the door, twice. "Are you alright in there?"

_No, Peeta, I'm not_… I wanted to say, to cry. I wanted to reach over and pull him closer to be able to sob into his chest. But I've ran my tear-ducts dry to the point of dehydration. I couldn't cry even if I wanted to. No, it was just dry terror. My throat worked, but no sound came out to answer.

"Katniss?" Peeta asked again. "Are you even _in_ there?"

Again, I was unable to answer. I just tightened my arms around my knees, which were tucked to my chest.

"If you don't say anything, I'm coming in there."

Neither of us cared whether or not we walked into each other while in the bathroom, but it double-didn't matter because I wasn't even on the toilet. I was sitting in the bathtub, still fully dressed, too shell-shocked to do anything but to stare at the opposite wall.

And of course, Peeta abided to his word and waltzed inside. For a split second, his eyes flicked around the room, but then they fell on me. At first his expression was confusion; _why is she in the bathtub? _Then realization; _Oh crap, not the BATHTUBS again. _And finally, his expression landed on terror, for me I was certain of. Hesitantly, he crossed the room and went to sit—not on the floor in front of the bathtub—in the bathtub with me. Before, I would have marveled at that, but now I just felt my eyes widen and guilt pounded my chest like a white-hot wrecking ball.

I saw him reach out to me, gentle artist fingers brush my shoulder but I shrank away. "It's my fault…" I found myself whimpering, clutching my arms closer to myself. Grief was clenched on my heart, and wouldn't let go. "I disappointed you, I'm sorry, Peeta. I'm so sorry…"

Instead of looking all sweet and sympathetic, Peeta surprised me by darkening his facial expression. His eyebrows met in a harsh line, and he stared at me. "Katniss Everdeen, I'm not sitting in a bathtub fully-clothed for no reason. You said you'd learn and tell me what was up today. Now _tell me_."

He wasn't asking. He wasn't pleading. He was telling me. He was _demanding_.

I tried taking a breath, but no air would whoosh into my lungs. They remained as shriveled as my heart felt. It wasn't time for lies, for skirting around the truth. I had told him I'd tell him once I was sure. _I'm sure now_. When I spoke, it was a lame attempt. My voice kept dipping in and out of audibility, cracking several times. . "Peeta, I-I'm not… I'm not…" But I couldn't say it. The words wouldn't come out.

Tiny tears pricked my eyes, but they weren't very wet or big.

Now I seemed to have caught Peeta's interest. Eyebrows creased, he reached out a hand and just simply put it over my own. "Not what?"

Then it just exploded out of me. I got up, practically tripped over the edge of the bathroom and fell to my knees on the tile floor in front of the floor. "I'm not _pregnant_, Peeta, _pregnant_. I've…" Tears were free-falling from my eyes, now, which were closed tight. I was sobbing, and even my legs gave way and I fell onto all fours. "I've let you down. I'm so sorry…"

Peeta's response wasn't something I had expected. At first, his forehead creased in confusion, and then his eyes widened a fraction as well. Then he put his elbows on his knees and put his head in his hands.

That made me crack. I reached out to him over the ceramic wall of the bathtub, but didn't touch him. I let out a choked sob. "I'm sorry, Peeta, I'm sorry. It's my fault. Don't cry." The last two words were like fire in the back of my throat. "Don't be mad, I'm sorry…"

He lifted his head back up and I noticed his face was dry, thank goodness. He looked at me with a shocked expression. "I'm not mad, Katniss. You idiot." Peeta also got out of the tub and sat with me on the bathroom floor. But he didn't reach out. "That's what you've been keeping from me… You're such an idiot."

My mouth fell partly open in confusion. "But, Peeta—"

"Don't keep these things to yourself." He put his head in his hands again. "I was really afraid for you. Don't ever, _ever_ scare me like that again."

"But don't you understand?" I asked, stunned and tossing aside what he said. "I'm not _pregnant_. I'm not able to have children." Saying those words made my throat blaze with another tongue of pain, and I coughed, tears blurring my vision. "I'm not…"

"That's not true." His voice was harsh, harsher than I've barely ever heard it. "This may not mean anything. We have no proof that _either_ of us aren't able."

"I'm the proof." I said, already knowing the truth. I was crying, but the only evidence of it was the way my words broke and the wetness on my face. Because I already knew. "I _am_ the proof, Peeta." I repeated. "This is the second time it's happened. The first time we weren't thinking of it, of anything. We didn't actually stop and think. But this time…" My voice broke and I stared at Peeta. "Don't say you didn't think what we did would give us children."

This whole conversation wasn't awkward, as it would have been originally. My face wasn't even red. Or at least, I didn't _think_ it was.

Peeta was silent for a minute, not looking at me. Then he tilted his face back up, and I saw it was stricken wither realization and grief. "I did," he said. "The first time was…was nothing. But you're right." Peeta shook his head slightly to himself and put his head back in his hands. He sighed.

When he agreed with me, I snapped. Something bubbled from my throat and I coughed again, standing up to violently, I hit my knee on the edge of the bathtub. Tears were pouring out of the corners of my eyes and I stumbled into the room, only vaguely aware of Peeta following.

_I'm not able_ my mind repeated. _I'm not able, I'm not able… _I paced around the room blindly, crying, my head in my hands. The words kept repeating in my head, and soon enough they came crumbling out my mouth in a wave of fresh sobs. "I'm not able…"

Peeta just stood there in the entrance of the bathroom, and I couldn't tell, but I think he was crying as well. Shiny tracks of saltwater ran the length of his pale-cream face.

I didn't know what I was doing, but before I could gather myself together, I was staggering out the room and down the stairs. I was _still_ crying, and my hands were shaking so violently they were no use to me whenever I fell. When I felt Peeta's hand try to grip my arm, I just tore away and ran straight for the front door. I yanked it open and lurched onto the porch. And actually, Peeta _did_ manage to grab my arm, but I ripped it from his and shrank backwards.

"You don't get it, Peeta." I cried, walking further backwards. "I can't stay here,"

"Katniss," He said warningly, no longer crying but looking wary and stern. "Come back inside."

"You don't _get it_." I sobbed, going backwards even further. Tears were falling in a steady river now, and I was exhausted down to the bone. Dusk was falling upon District 12, setting the tone to a light purple. The shadows from trees laid flat on the ground, unperturbed by wind. But even though it was warm out, I shivered. "You don't understand. There are too many memories. I can't stay." I swallowed past the painful lump of coal in my throat. "Gale and Alexis and…and everything. Too many bad things have… I can't…" Blubbing interrupted me for a minute and I had to cover my mouth with my hand for a minute to control myself. "I have to leave."

"Kat—"

"Don't 'Katniss' me." I hissed. "How many times do I have to tell you you'll never _get it_? I have to leave. I'm not even supposed to be _alive_." Air raked in and out of my lungs, though it brought me no relief. "You think there's a reason? I can't stay here, I am _forbidden_ to live a normal life. With you."

Those last two words seemed to have hurt Peeta more than anything. His mouth fell open and his eyes creased in sympathy (or horror—I couldn't tell). He shook his head, slowly, as if in disbelief.

"I'm not saying that I don't want to be with you, Peeta." I was able to get past those words without crying. I was all shriveled again, tears staunched by the lack of water in my system. "I'm saying that life doesn't let me. Every time I think I'm going to be happy, something happens and I get torn again. I'm always either crying or completely oblivious to reality, and I don't want to be _either_ of those. It's obvious I'm not allowed to be Katniss Everdeen anymore."

I could see it in his eyes; _then who_ are _you going to be_?

I didn't answer the unspoken question. "I'm leaving." I said again, and turned my back.

"Katniss," Peeta's voice slit through the night air like a dagger, loud and harsh.

Even if I hadn't heard what he said, the loudness made me spin around. I saw his eyes once again severe. He had one hand gripping the doorframe, the other hanging at his side. I froze, but my brain wanted to leave _now_, to go and never look back.

"Katniss." Peeta repeated. "This isn't the end of the world. I know there have been hard times, but this isn't the answer,"

I opened my mouth to say something, but he didn't let me speak.

"Where are you going to go? What are you going to do? There may be bad memories here but they are here where you have people that love you and will help you get through it. They will follow you wherever you go; there is no evading your past no matter how traumatic."

His face softened slightly, not harsh now but serious. "I have worked _too long_ and _too hard_ to keep you. I love you and you made a promise to me. You're not running away before things have even begun."

Now Peeta's face wasn't only soft, but pleading; apologetic. "We have our lives ahead of us to finish what we started. We have our entire lives together to work this out. We have our entire lives ahead of us to have children. Don't let this one day get in the way of you and me being happy."

I was frozen, and watched as he swung the door wider and stepped aside.

"Now, Katniss Everdeen, get the hell back in the house or I'm going to have to come outside and get you myself."

I stood there for a moment more, letting his words sink in. They flowed as thick as honey through my ear and into my brain, where they swirled around, trying to find something to connect to. And somewhere in that process, my legs found the ability to move again and I was walked forwards, back up the porch steps, past Peeta, and into the house. I stopped a few feet away from the door, but didn't turn around. My back was hunched and my head was hanging, my fists clenching together over and over again. I felt numb, numb all over.

I felt a few fingers press gently between my shoulder blades.

"Go upstairs, love. I'll be there in a minute." Peeta said softly, and took his hand away.

I had no choice but to obey. My legs started up again and I dragged myself up the flight of steps into the bedroom. I stripped myself of the tank-top and trousers, and slipped a nightdress over my head. Its collar was wider than usual, letting the gown hang loosely on my shoulders. I shrugged it up and crawled into bed.

The clock ticked almost menacingly, and I listened to it until Peeta came back. He wasn't carrying anything, like I'd thought. I watched him as he came over and sat down next to me.

Immediately, his gaze shoved down on my heart, forcing tears to well in my eyes again. But they weren't tears of grief for my crappy day. They were of guilt. "I'm sorry, Peeta." I whispered, praying that he wasn't angry at me.

He wasn't. "Don't," Peeta reached up to touch the tip of his finger under my eye, catching a tear that was preparing to fall. "I understand."

Normally I would have been upset that he did his usual thing; agreeing with me, not being angry for me being a butthead, being sympathetic and sweet when I feel like dying. But I wasn't upset at him. On the contrary, I was glad. Now that the stress from my would-be (and real) dilemma was gone, and I didn't have to be completely afraid of letting Peeta down, I felt a rush of relief. I pressed up against his side and buried my face in his chest.

He didn't expect _that_. Peeta blinked once, and then accepted my embrace with his own. One of his arms wound around my waist and the other cupped the back of my head. I felt the tips of his fingers dig into the base of my braids.

We held that for a few minutes, and after 'a few minutes' passed, I pulled away, rubbing my eyes. "I'm tired, Peeta."

He unwound his arms from around me and let me slide into the covers. He laid down, too. Peeta took the edge of the bed throw and tucked it up under my chin. "Sleep tight."

I felt a sudden rush of appreciation for him. I let him put his arm around my shoulder and I closed my eyes. "…You too."

Everything fell silent, and it was about ten minutes passed before I fell asleep, dreams of children haunting me until dawn broke.

**oOo**

_That was the single longest chapter I've ever written EVER. That was epic. 7,807 words. Whew. Sorry if it was TOO long. I would have been able to make four chapters out of that… :DD Hope you liked it, and don't forget to review!_

_xoxo_

_Soggy_


	35. Chapter 35

_I send out my first thanks to HopeNeverDies for being the first to review, and agreeing to help me with the wedding. :D So thank you soooo much, and thanks for everyone else who reviewed! Here's chapter 35! Oh, and just to let you know, chapters are going to be coming out way slower. I'm actually editing once, twice, three times and making sure everything is PERFECT from now until the wedding, not including the many things I am considering in. But don't fret, sweet children; it will allll be worth it, I promise. _

**oOo**

At some point in the night, I woke up. I laid there in bed, thinking sleep would find me again, but none came. I didn't know what was wrong, or if anything woke me up. But opening my eyes, I found the door open. Did Peeta do that? Looking over at Peeta, I saw that he was still fast asleep, arms reached out halfway to me in the position he dropped off in. A small smile stretched across my face at the sight, but it did not linger.

The golden light cast from outside in the hallway was suddenly blocked by a shadow. Frowning, I sat up, careful not to disturb the sleep of my boy beside me. The shadow was one of a man, but not a familiar one. My heart skipped a little, frightened beat and I shrank closer to Peeta. Who was this and what was he doing in my bedroom?

He glided over in the dim light, and even standing over me, I couldn't see his facial features. But I could _smell_ him. He reeked of blood and ash and even past the stink of burnt flesh, I could smell the white rose scent filling my nostrils. _No_.

I was frozen with terror. _This was just a bad dream, it was just a dream_. I told myself over and over, but it never convinced me. I stayed still as a hunted rabbit, as if he wouldn't see me, but it was hopeless. Snow was standing not two feet from me, on the other side of the bed where Peeta is. _Not Peeta_. I pleaded. Leave him alone.

I had thought he'd go after me. I had thought I'd be his first target, but no. I sat, shaking and terrified, and watched as Snow brought something from behind his back. I only had time to scream before the silver knife sliced sideways across Peeta's neck. I lunged forwards and pressed my hands to the long cut, hoping to staunch the blood, but it only got me messy. I could feel the hot, sticky liquid as it stung my palms.

Snow, seeing my attempt to save him, snarled and smacked me across the face with the back of his hand. Pain shot through my cheek, but became soon forgotten when bloodied hands clamped down upon my own throat. Immediately, black dots danced in my eyes and the room before me flashed and swam in and out of view. With one hand clapped hard on my esophagus, I watched through barely working eyes as Snow grabbed a gurgling Peeta by the collar of his shirt and dragged him off the bed.

"P-P—" I rasped, but it didn't come out through my closed windpipe. I was slowly losing consciousness, but I got a split-second's worth of air as Snow's hand slacked just a bit when he began tying a cloth around Peeta's neck to keep the blood from getting anywhere but where it seeped on our pillows. I took that chance to yank away from Snow, without much success. I coughed and shook, but nothing in the world could have stopped me from reaching my hands out to Peeta. My boy_…_

But Snow didn't want that. Looking up, he dropped Peeta right there on the floor and dove forwards. It was like getting hit with a metal baseball bat in the throat. My head snapped back and blackness filled my vision. I was out, but no sooner had I lost consciousness, the hands left my throat. But this time, I was unable to do anything but lay there, trying to refill my lungs. It felt like inhaling fire. Tears poured wildly down my face as I gasped for air. Black still framed my vision, but with every breath I succeeded in taking, more of the darkness faded.

_I'm going to murder him_ I promised in my head. Snow will die this time. Now that I was mostly alive and conscious, I could hear white noise filling up my head. Maybe it was rage. Somehow, I found the strength to sit up. Of course, I fell back down on the pillows, crying and gasping some more. The murderous feeling had vanished.

_Peeta_. The word formed on my lips and I started crying even harder. It hurt, just breathing, and I was sobbing so hard my sight once again left me. _Peeta, Peeta, Peeta_… I clenched and unclenched my fists with agony, feeling the hot blood against my fingers. _No, no…_

"Peeta!" I screamed, laying there, wanting to rip my own heart out for this pain. Struggling, I sat up in bed and scrambled at the empty bed sheets, wanting to see something besides the streaks of crimson blood. "Peeta!" I couldn't help but cry his name, over and over. I didn't care about Snow anymore, he was gone, but Peeta, my Peeta…

A loud sound of a door slamming open filled the room and I suddenly realized the white noise was gone. Once again ridden with terror, and I let my eyes trail away from the bloodied pillows to the open bathroom door. Yet another shadow was cast by the light pouring in, except I didn't freeze like the first time, waiting for the shadow to come and murder _me_. I scrambled backwards, my breath once again caught in my still-aching throat. My hands gripped the headboard of the bed, and I pressed myself flat against it.

The figure began walking towards me, but…as he neared, I could see more of him. I knew I didn't want to, but my eyes just wouldn't shut. They were locked open, staring as I cried, petrified against the wooden back of the blood-soaked bed. My hands were starting to sting.

The man—young by the way he walked—came quickly and when he sat down on the edge of the bed, I could see. Blond hair that was sopping and wet and was on the point of needing a haircut, wiry muscles visible in his chest and stomach and arms, clothed only in a hurried set of undershorts. There was only a fleeting feeling of confusion before a painful sob came ripping out my throat.

Peeta held his arms out to me and I launched myself into them, straddling his legs with my own, wrapping my arms tightly around his quite intact neck, burying my face in his hair. My sobs were probably really loud and nerve-wracking since my lips were right next to his ear, but I couldn't help it. In fact, I was probably strangling him, clinging on as tight as I was.

"Peeta…" I whispered once and, just to see he was real, I was kissing him. Everywhere I could reach, I pressed my lips against over and over. His forehead, his cheek, his collarbone, his throat, his mouth. _Yep, he was real_. Hysterics came bubbling from my own mouth and I was laughing and crying and I had to stop kissing him to bury my face back in his hair, breathing in his scent. I snorted and laughed harder, feeling tendrils of wet hair catch my tears, but breathing in just brought the pieces of hair up my nose.

Peeta, who seemed slightly confused by this, responding only by holding me tighter, and his hands left the small of my back to wrap round my waist to their full capacity. "You're okay, Katniss…"

I was used to those words.

"No…" I shook my head, swallowing past the fiery lump in my throat. I pulled away only slightly, not even caring that I was sitting on him like that. "You were…I was… I was crying for _you_… You were…" I came to realize my hands, still around his neck, but slowly, with wide eyes, I brought them back to me, holding them out in the light for both me and Peeta to see. They were still covered with blood. I was shocked into silence. _But you're alive, Peeta…_

Peeta frowned, and brought his hands from around me to cradle mine gently in his, and he stared at them for a second. When he brought his face back up, one of his hands trailed from my wrists up my arm to my shoulder, which was bare due to the too-large collar of my nightdress. "Katniss, what happened?"

I wanted to tell him my whole dream, but I knew he was just asking about the blood on my hands.

"It's…it's your blood." My voice came out in a rough whisper, just as confused as he was. "At least, it was in my dream…"

Peeta gently slid out from under me and stood up off the bed. Neither of his arms left where they were as he helped me up. "Come on, love." He guided me to the bathroom, and I just stayed silent as he turned on the tap and held my hands under it.

The brilliant florescent lighting hurt my eyes for a second, but there was no mistaking the deep red ribbons as they flowed from my palms and down into the drain, spiraling with the strands of water like flowers. Peeta kept bent over my hands, and worked more of the blood off with gentle fingers. And the cleaner my hands got, the more prominent the blood source was. Crescents of red formed a lopsided line on either of my palms and—with every bit of blood washed off—another bead formed on each of the eight crescents and rolled off. I had clenched my hands so tight my fingernails had actually broken skin.

A small, sympathetic sigh escaped Peeta's mouth and he only dropped one of his hands away from mind to reach under the sink and grab a first-aid kit. He's lived with me long enough to have learned that in order to be properly prepared for my accidents, there needed to be at least one kit in each room. We've learned this by experience.

The silence as he worked was deafening, and I resisted the urge to wrap my arms around him again. The dream still haunted me, and just _thinking_ about it was painful. I could still feel the fingers around my throat, and the blood pulsing through them as I touched Peeta's wounded neck. And, it seemed, with every dream I had about Peeta dying, the more I realized how much I'd lose if he really _did_ die.

Peeta, who was done with wrapping clean white bandages around my palms, put away the kit and turned to me. I felt his blue eyes staring into mine, but I couldn't meet his gaze.

If he really _did_ die, I'd feel terrible. For everything. For yelling at him nearly every other day. For rarely telling him anything that's wrong. For acting how I did yesterday. For not loving him as long as he's loved me. Maybe that's what was wrong. Maybe I didn't love him enough. The thought stuck me dumb. _Of course I loved him enough,_ the first half of my brain thought matter-of factly. _Key word: enough, _said the other part, the louder one; _you know he loves you, but maybe you have a hard time being happy because you don't love _him _enough. _

"What's that look for?" I was forced to blink and notice Peeta again, who looked confused and worried.

I opened my mouth, but was forced to close it again. There wasn't anything to say. So I just stared at the floor and shrugged. "Nothing."

"Don't lie to me," Even though his words were harsh, his face remained just as worrying and sympathetic. "You always do that. Something's up, and yesterday you broke down because of something you'd kept from me too long. You can't keep things from me, Katniss."

"I couldn't tell you that, Peeta." The lump was returning in my throat and my eyes began stinging.

"Every time you bottle something up you get a little more un-helpable. Every secret you keep from me, the more we grow apart." His hands gripped my wrists and pulled me a tiny bit closer, so I could see the serious spark in his eyes, now slate. "I can't let that happen."

"Sorry if I don't want to complain to you every time something's bothering me." I hissed, more upset at myself than him. "You have to be so perfect all the time, you never complain about how screwed-up your fiancé is, how much crap is going on in her head. Fine, I don't tell you anything. Maybe it's because I love you too much to burden you, have you ever thought of that?"

Peeta shook his head, slowly. "It's not just that. I know it isn't. Don't bother telling me different."

We can't fight, I told myself. Fighting is pointless, especially about this, not a week after he proposed. _Could_ it be I don't love him as much as he loves me? Instead of arguing further, I just shook my head and began to turn around. But before I could step out of the room, Peeta's hand grabbed my upper-arm and spun me around. Before I could even _scowl_ at him, he'd bent over me and pressed his mouth on mine. I felt my heart skip in my chest, and, automatically, I kissed back. But it didn't last as long as I'd imagine.

Peeta broke away and stared into my eyes, making his gaze inescapable. "I need to know what you're thinking. We can't get married and stay like this forever, only ever speaking when there's something negative to say. You need to tell me, no matter what else is going on in there. Don't worry about complaining or whatever; when your—_our _life depends on it, it is more than just a matter of what either of us like or don't like."

I was suddenly annoyed. Was this still about the pregnancy thing? Didn't he understand _anything_ I said yesterday? I threw up my arms. "I'd tell you if you'd listen!"

He frowned. "What does that m—?"

"_Boys_." I scoffed. I wanted to shout it, but it's not something you normally shout. "Did you not listen to anything I said yesterday?"

Peeta made a face that seemed half-dubious, half-wary. "You're…not pregnant." He seemed very cautious saying those words.

Ignoring the worry that cropped up once again at the thought of those words, I nodded slowly, eyebrows raised cynically. "And…? What does that mean?"

He seemed to not be enjoying this. "I don't know what you're saying."

"I'm PMSing, idiot! How else would I know that I'm not pregnant?" I threw my arms up again and stalked into the bedroom. The sun was beginning to rise outside, bathing the room in a dim blue light. I was able to see things much clearer now. "You're badgering me about what's wrong and why I'm acting so weird. _Well_," I spun to face him, hands on hips, slightly upset at the way he was trying to keep away a smile. This isn't supposed to be so funny. "Try being a girl for a month and you'll _never_ ask one why they're being moody _ever again_."

Peeta stood there in the bathroom doorway for a second, blinked, and then burst out laughing. His abdomen tensed up as he laughed, water spraying everywhere when he shook his head. "I'm sorry, Katniss. I…" He trailed off and laughed again. "I don't know _why_ I didn't put two and two together. That makes a lot of sense."

"Of course it does." Now it was pretty much impossible not to smile. Well, grimace more like it. Sure, I was still frowning inside my heart because that was just admitting I wasn't pregnant. Denial seemed to be one of my specialties nowadays.

"So are you saying nothing is actually wrong with you?" Peeta walked over to me and took my hands gently by the wrists.

"I never said that." I tried to scowl, but it ended up dissolving into a defeated contortion. "But for now, I guess. Once I get over the fact that I'm unable to have children…"

Thankfully, he ignored that last sentence. "Will you be okay if I finished getting dressed?" His voice was quiet, and I automatically glanced down.

"Ah." I realized he _wasn't_ really dressed. Perhaps he was in the middle when I started screaming. Something dawned on me just then. The white noise I heard as I was panicking? The shower. I sighed, and then smiled a tiny bit. "I'll be fine, Peeta."

He gave me a small kiss on the forehead, and turned to return to the bathroom. But as soon as his back was to me, I saw something. Now that the room was bright with the early sun, the dark handprints on Peeta's shoulder blades were visible.

I wrinkled my nose. "Peeta,"

He turned his head a fraction towards me. "Hm?"

"You—" I paused, walking up behind him. The dried, maroon streak of blood left over from my hands smeared across his back. Eugh. "You have some…blood on your back. I'm sorry. Ew."

Peeta raised his eyebrows and I followed him into the bathroom, where he tried to turn his back towards the mirror to see the marks. It didn't work.

"I'll get it." I offered before I even knew what I was offering, but it was too late to go back. The memory of back in the Games was inevitable as I took a small towel from on the rack. I ran warm water on it from the tap until soaked, and I tentatively put it to the dried blood on his back.

Peeta stayed silent as I wiped it away, probably staining the good white cloth. I had to sigh, and apologize again. "I'm sorry, Peeta. You just had a shower." I brought the cloth back down and just tossed it into the dirty laundry basket, which needed to be tended to.

Peeta turned back around. "Don't be sorry. I'm just worried about you." He looked down and took my hands in his, and you could see the line of red blood that had already seeped through the bandages. "That dream must have been crazy."

"That's one way to put it." I swallowed, and the dream came back to me without me wanting it to. "Just…don't ever die, okay? I've witnessed it too much."

"I'll do my best." He touched my cheek gently, but then brought it back down. "Now go get dressed." Peeta smiled down at my nightgown. "We have a big day ahead of us."

Now it was my turn to frown. "I wasn't aware we had anything planned for today."

"I was hoping your family could come over for dinner. To discuss plans for the wedding since we were unable to do that a few days ago." He straightened up. "That's okay with you, right?"

"That's fine." I felt kind of relieved to know that as soon as I was alone with Mother, I could cry again. But instead of saying anything else, I just sighed sadly and started backing up towards the wardrobe. Peeta closed the door of the bathroom as well.

We had pancakes for breakfast, which was quite ironic, remembering Prim and her pancakes. Lunch was quick, and when five o'clock rolled around, Peeta sent me to ask my family if they could come at six. They could. And once Peeta knew that, we got to work right away cooking. At first he treated it as if it was some type of fancy banquet with a thousand different foods, but I reminded him that we were used to living on barely anything, so he agreed to tone it down. But even toning it down, he sent me off to the bakery to pick up some type of bread that was apparently hard to make at home away from the kitchen stuff in the bakery kitchens.

"Where'd you put the turmeric?" Peeta was digging through one of the cabinets above the sink.

I looked up from the potatoes I were murdering and frowned. "What's that?"

He rolled his eyes and sighed. "It's a spice, Katniss. Ah," He reached back into the cabinet and pulled out a container. "Here it is." Peeta bent back over the duck he was preparing and continued working on it. I had no idea we even _had_ that thing, but I learned never to question anything Peeta pulled out of the fridge. He seems to go on crazy shopping trips I've never even realized he went on. Peeta turned to glance at me before shoving the bird into the oven. "I take it you weren't the cook in your family?"

I shrugged and sprinkled some salt on the potatoes. "Not really, but when I _did_ cook, we didn't have the money for all those fancy spices."

Peeta blinked once, and looked away. Not in shame or embarrassment. It's just that we both knew that I lived in poverty for sixteen years of my life. There wasn't much to say to that.

We worked for another bit, cleaning up a bit and stuff. Nothing too special had to be done, since it was only my family, and the laundry needed to be done anyways, but by dinnertime things were considerably neater than they used to be.

"It's nearly six-thirty." Peeta dumped the contents of the dustpan into the trash. My family was late, so we resorted to doing a complete wipe-down of the house, which wasn't quite finished. He shoved the broom back into the hall closet and walked over next to me. "Should one see if they're able to come?"

"Nah," I wrung out my dust rag and wiped my hands off on my trousers. "They're fine. I think I may need to change shirts, though. I got some mystery goo on me."

"I haven't cleaned in a while." Peeta admitted. "So I wouldn't be surprised if it—"

All of a sudden, there was a knock on the door, followed by a hollow wooden thud.

"Ah. Perfect timing." I dropped the rag and felt a tiny bit better, knowing that my family was here. Peeta followed me back into the living room where Mother and Prim were standing. Primrose was wearing a pretty pink dress, emphasizing her rosy cheeks. She looked slightly exited, hence the dressing-up. Mother stood beside her in the same outfit I caught her in a few hours ago. She had her hair back and a yellow notepad in her hand.

When she saw us enter the living room, she held out her thin arms for a hug. "Katniss!" I was immediately choked in her motherly embrace, but as soon as I was released, I got to watch Peeta be strangled as well. "Peeta! I'm really glad we could do this today," She pulled away.

After Prim got done hugging us, Peeta went to get dinner ready. Though my heart was being held high, it was only by strings. Far back in my mind I was still upset, but only avoiding the truth. As soon as possible, though, I wanted to tell Mother and Prim the news. Or lack thereof. My heart deflated a fraction.

Primrose seemed to notice my mood and uncertainly stepped closer to me. "Are you okay today, Katniss? Were we…" She shifted her feet, unsure. "Were we right?"

I felt a tiny lump starting to form in my throat, but I swallowed it down. I _couldn't_ have another breakdown today. I couldn't. So I shook my head at my little sister and turned away. "I can't talk about that right now."

Of course, she wouldn't really take no for an answer. But there wasn't any need for taking any other _but_ no, because she already saw through me. A little frown appeared on her perfect porcelain face. "Oh, Katniss, I'm so sorry."

I shook my head, but before I knew it she had her thin arms around me and I was crying. _No, no, shut up_. I tried several times to inhale all my tears and stand straight, but Prim was the straw that broke the camel's back. I couldn't hold it in.

Mother, startled by my sudden outburst of tears, came over and put her free hand on my shoulder. "What wrong, Katniss?"

I shook my head violently and pulled away from both of them. After taking a few noisy breaths, I crossed my arms over my chest. "I'm fine. I said I don't want to talk about it." My voice was snappier than I had wanted it, and of course it drew Peeta into the living room as well.

Upon seeing me like that, his eyes widened a fraction. "Katniss? Are you—?"

"I'm fine, shut up." I barked, scowling. But when he began walking towards me I couldn't do anything but glower at the floor, tears still stinging my eyes.

"We don't have to do this today, you know." Mother, though she looked curious, didn't ask what was wrong, thank goodness. She knows me well. She glanced at Peeta, but he just shook his head sadly.

"No, no." I said quickly, but not dropping my scowl. "It's fine. Today's fine." Sighing crossly, I stalked past Mother and Prim, past Peeta, and into the kitchen. But my mood was temporarily suspended when I saw the table. It was just a table, but seeing everything so much neater and organized than normal shocked me. But I didn't have to say anything nice to Peeta about it; Mother beat me to it.

She came up next to me and made a noise of astonishment. "It looks wonderful!" Her voice was light, in an attempt to make amends for my upset. "You outdid yourselves. We just came over to discuss wedding plans."

"It's an occasion." Said Peeta simply, and pulled out a chair for me to sit in.

I blinked at him in surprise, but took the seat. And of course, being a gentleman, he did that for Primrose as well. She smiled at him, dimples appearing in her cheeks.

The food was served, and we ate. It was amazing, as usual, and every five or so minutes Prim paused eating to say how delicious it was. Once the clatter of silverware and dishes had slowed down enough to speak, Mother pulled out her yellow pad of paper and set it on the table.

"Down to business, then?" She said, and Primrose straightened up, looking excited.

I looked up from my food. None of the meal on my plate had really gotten eaten, just pushed around as I sulked.

Peeta folded his hands on the table in front of him and leaned forward. "Where to begin…?"

"Congratulations, again, Katniss." Prim smiled at me, wanting a smile to come out of this meeting. "And Peeta, of course." She flashed her grin at him as well, who had the decency to smile back.

I tried a grimace, but it didn't stick, mostly because I felt Peeta's hand slip around mine discreetly.

"We have to consider size first thing," Mother suggested, pretending she didn't see that. But I knew in the twinkle of her eyes she did. She averted them down to the paper in her hands. "I'm thinking the entire country would want to be there, Katniss, but I know you wouldn't want that."

"No," I wrinkled my nose and widened my eyes, just imagining a wedding like the one at the Capitol would have been. "Definitely not. I'm thinking maybe something around three people and pajama pants."

Peeta and Prim grinned at this, but Mother was the one who actually laughed out loud.

"I know you'd like that, but Haymitch makes four. You want to have him come, don't you?" she said, eyes still laughing.

I considered, and agreed. Though he was my last reminder of the Games, he was like an uncle to me. A drunk, sarcastic uncle who could go a day without making some offhand innuendo about me and Peeta. "Yeah, okay. Haymitch."

"What about Annie and Finnick?" Prim asked, eager in her eyes. "And Jace?"

I was about to nod my head and agree right away, but the thought cut me short. I wasn't so sure I could handle being around Jace when he just reminded me how much I wanted (and didn't have) a child of my own. I brushed that off. "Yeah, them too."

Right away, Mother began jotting things down.

Peeta leaned forward on his free hand and blinked in contemplation. "How about…"

"Johanna?"

I raised my eyebrows at my little sister skeptically. We haven't seen her since about the first month after being rescued. She was bad-tempered and ill. And having her at the wedding would be pretty disastrous. More innuendos! Just what I needed. "Eh…."

"We'll think about that one." Prim shook her head, but her eyes were amused. "Anyone else?"

There was a moment of silence when all four of us just sat there, chins propped on our fists, thinking. It was still and lovely for a few minutes, but a movement in the corner of my eye made me glance over at Peeta. He touched me wrist gently.

"I want Ivy to come." He said in a light voice, looking into my eyes. But his voice was asking for permission more than anything, which made my eyebrows crease. "And her mother."

I flicked my eyes down at the table, where our hands were laced.

"Who's Ivy?" Primrose asked, her heart-shaped head tilted slightly to the right.

Thankfully, Peeta saved me, because I was currently unable to speak.

"She's a little girl Katniss and I met a few times in town. She thought Katniss was a princess." Peeta smiled crookedly. "Adorable thing."

Mother smiled, and when she did, it reached her wide blue eyes. "That's sweet." She made a little note on the yellow paper. "Anyone else?"

Peeta glanced over at me. I shook my head.

"Okay…" Mother scratched a line under the guest list. "I'm sure the list will grow as we go on, b—"

"I won't have the country here." I repeated, just for clarification. "No way."

She looked tired of hearing this, but smiled nonetheless. "Of course. But there's always the option of having it be an open wedding, so people can come, but it can still be a small ceremony."

I eyed her. "No poofy dresses and makeup and speeches?"

"Not if you don't want."

"I don't want," My neck was getting stiff, leaning forwards like this, so I leaned back. "But I might consider possibly thinking about maybe having it open." There's no way. _Ever_.

"It should be in the backyard." Peeta, who had been staring up at the ceiling in thought, looked back down at me. But nothing else was said.

That was written down, too.

"We have to…" A large yawn interrupted Primrose mid-sentence. "…to think about money."

"We still have about two cases down in the basement." Mother hadn't missed her youngest daughters' yawn, but she ignored it for now. "In each of our houses."

"But we're using that. For food and such." As soon as the words slipped out my mouth, I shut it and fought the urge to slam my head on the table.

"We can support ourselves." Peeta's face was amused, but the sympathetic, obvious look was still there. "With my bakery and maybe if you ever start hunting again."

I felt my face flush with upset and I dropped our gaze, staring at the table. I wasn't sure Mother and Prim knew I quit hunting, but it wouldn't be hard to guess.

"And there's a fair income with the hospital." Mother had the decency to ignore that.

"So we're going to blow five whole cases of money on a wedding?" My mouth popped open in surprise. Surely, judging the way we used to live, none of them would even consider wasting all that money on a simple wedding? Back then, we would have been able to live a year—or more—off that much money.

"Of course not," So they _hadn't_ forgotten. Thank goodness. "We can just not worry about spending too much."

I nodded, still not liking it. The subject was changed.

"So, if the ceremony is going to be outside, where will they do the toasting?" Prim looked up at her mother. "Unless we have a fire outside, of course."

We considered this.

"The initial rite will be outside, but once that's over, we can go inside and do the toasting and have cake." My mother was on a roll. It was almost amusing watch my entire wedding play out from the mouths of my mother and my sister.

"Have the whole town inside mine and Peeta's house?" I nearly stood up, and it felt like my eyebrows were lost in my hairline. "Are you _mad_?"

"That's no way to talk to your mother," She scolded briefly, and then her face softened. "And no, we won't have the whole town in your house. Only the people on the list can come in; the rest leave after the vows. And inside we'll toast and have dinner and cake. Small, like you wanted."

The sounded much better to me. But funnily enough, Peeta cocked his head and said, "Actually, I think I have different plans for the toasting. Just her and I."

"Oh, okay." Mother scratched something out, and looked back up.

But I was curious. I eyeballed Peeta suspiciously. He just grinned and winked. What the heck? Oh, wait— Oh… I looked away, a slight burning in my cheeks. Wedding night. It was obvious what he meant. I shrank an inch further down my chair.

"But we're still going to…to…" Prim yawned again. "to make Katniss wear a dress." She smiled at me. "No matter what."

"Of course, dear," Our mother straightened up in a very concluding way. "But another day. It's your bedtime."

"Mother, I'm not ten anymore." Prim pouted. "And I'm not tired."

"Well, _I_ am. We should get going." She stood up, and her youngest daughter stood up reluctantly with her. "The dinner was amazing, really." She complimented both me and Peeta, but I let it bounce off me and go directly to him.

"It was mostly Peeta." I said truthfully. He gave me an exasperated sigh, but said nothing.

"Well, it was amazing nonetheless. And I think we got at least _some_ things done today, I think." She smiled and tapped her yellow notepad. "And once we get some more things in order, we'll be able to set a date."

Peeta nodded. "That's fine. Thanks for coming."

Primrose hugged us both, and left trailing behind her mother. Peeta and I watched them walk out, standing in the doorway of the kitchen. When the door had finally closed after my family, I turned to him and let out a small yawn myself.

"I think it's time for us to sleep, too." Peeta bent down and gave me a tiny kiss. "You look exhausted."

"I am." And without waiting for him, I backed away and headed for the stairs. I was almost half-blind, I was so tired. Despite the charade at dinner, I was bone-tired and in complete denial. When I got to our room, I headed straight for the wardrobe. My nightgowns were usually hanging up in the corner and Peeta's clothes folded under them, but I couldn't find any. Well, I probably wasn't really looking hard enough, but either way, I just grabbed a pair of Peeta's pajama pants and headed towards the bathroom to change, unaware he was standing right behind me watching in amusement.

Off went my boring blue jeans and on went the red plaid pajama pants. They were soft and smelled like Peeta. Mm… They were a tiny bit too big for my small hips, so I just tugged the drawstring and tied it into a bow. I think I may have to wear his pants more often… After only briefly unbraiding my hair and brushing my teeth, I came back into the room in the pj pants and my undershirt. Peeta was sitting up in bed in _his_ pajamas, knees tucked to his chest, tapping his pointer nail on the plastic of the foot of his prosthetic leg. When he heard me come out, he glanced up.

"Katniss," He leaned back and reached out his arm to me automatically.

But I didn't huddle into them like usual. I sat just outside them, not trying to be rude or anything. My eyes were on his prosthetic leg he had been tapping. It was so easy to forget… I ran my finger along the fancy metal-and-plastic mechanism, running it along crevices and false joints. If it hadn't been a replacement for a leg, there probably would have been a sticker on there somewhere that says 'keep fingers and tongues away from machine in risk of severing'.

I pulled my hand away and laid down next to Peeta, on top of the covers. He slid down next to me.

"I see you're borrowing my pants." He said, smiling slightly. I opened my mouth to apologize, but he brushed it off. "It's fine. You can have them. They look better on you than they do on me."

I was too tired to scoff and say otherwise. So I just uncaught the blankets from under me and settled under them with Peeta. Though it was slightly chilly outside the covers, his body heat radiated everywhere. It was near impossible not to scoot closer to him and put my forehead against his shoulder, but I wasn't up to testing the probability.

Things were silent for a few seconds, and then Peeta tightened his arms around me. "I'm sorry what Prim said upset you."

"Did you have to bring it up again?" I propped myself up on my elbow, scowling down at Peeta, who looked about five years older than he really was. "I was _trying_ to deny it, which was working fine, but every time it's brought up again…" I sucked in a breath. "If you could let me deny it, I'd be fine. But everyone seems keen on making me cry." I sat up suddenly and swung my legs off the bed.

Peeta's hand on my upper arm stopped me. "No one wants to make you cry, Katniss,"

I stayed silent, staring at my plaid legs.

"You're fragile right now. Don't give in to that, let me help. At least until your girl-moment is over." When I looked over, I could see the miniscule smile on his face. "For now."

"I wasn't actually leaving." I said tiredly. "Just getting a drink."

Cautiously, Peeta let go of me and allowed me to stand up. I wasn't _actually_ planning on getting a drink, but there was no way I was going to tell him my previous intentions, so I reluctantly went into the bathroom.

Little bubbles rose to the top as I filled up my cup. I was exhausted and still somewhat upset, and wanting nothing more than to just sleep away my troubles. But I could really _do_ that. Sighing slightly, I took my cup of water, went back into the room, and sat on the edge of the bed. Peeta was watching me, I knew. I was used to it, though, and I took a sip of water. We both know I'm a big fat liar.

About halfway through with the water, I set it down on the nightstand and slid my back resting against the headboard, feet tucked under me.

"You should really try to sleep, Katniss." Peeta said from next to me, sitting up from his original lying down position. "You look terrible,"

I glared at him. "Gee, thanks."

"I'm serious." He touched his thumb to my cheek with a sympathetic look in his eyes. "And I'm here if you want to vent anything."

"There's nothing to vent, Peeta." I said truthfully, rubbing my eyes. And when Peeta didn't respond immediately to this, I slid further into the covers and closed my eyes against the pillow.

Peeta didn't do as I did right away. Instead, I felt his hand sweep back a piece of hair from my face. But after waiting a few more seconds, he adjusted himself lying down and turned his head towards me. I felt his gaze hammer down on me, begging for me to open my eyes, but I resisted and sank further into the pillows. A few minutes passed, and I was just about to the point of unconsciousness, I heard a quiet snore from the other side of my bed.

I peeled my eyes open. Peeta was fast asleep, pretty blond hair falling into his face and his mouth open a fraction. His hand was reached across the bed a few inches from my own, but he never made the move to hold me. Without thinking much, I stretched closer and pressed my lips to his, gentle enough not to wake him. Maybe hopefully he will eventually understand that I'm never actually angry at him.

I let out a quiet yawn, closed my eyes again and let myself be pulled under.

**oOo**

_Isn't it weird that in England, "pants" mean underwear? Haha. Funny Brits. I wonder what else has different meanings… Potato? "Hun, go get the potato masher from the basement, will you?"…"O_O" Just kidding, I love you. :3_

_Review, guys! I'm getting less and less reviews, it's starting to worry me! Maybe there was a sudden plague of zombies and half my readers got mauled by the undead. It's always a possibility. _


	36. Chapter 36

_I'm not sure I have anything to say in this A/N except thanks for all the reviews, and happy…May-something. School gets out next week for me and it's off to high school! Completely ecstatic, but scared out of my mind. Anyways, have a good rest of the school year, and don't forget to…do stuff and…stuff. . _

**oOo**

I don't know exactly when I woke up the next day. But when I did, my eyes felt glued shut, and my mouth tasted like old morning breath. Smacking my lips, I lifted my head to look over at Peeta. Or, where Peeta should have been. Except he wasn't. Sitting up a little straighter, I furrowed my brows and glanced around. The bathroom door was partly open, but no sounds came from it.

"Peeta?" My throat felt hoarse, probably from waking up and crying in the middle of the night. "Peeta?"

No answer.

I wasn't exactly scared, because this wasn't some hellish nightmare (I didn't _think_ so anyway). Curious to the point of worry, I slid off the bed and stretched, working out the sleepy kinks. The borrowed pajama bottoms were wrinkled from a restless night, and my undershirt was twisted uncomfortably. After straightening _that_ out, I walked over to the door.

Funnily enough, when I was about halfway down the stairs I starting hearing faint voices. I shook my head, too tired to come up with any theories. I slumped down the rest of the steps and turned the corner into the living room. Nope, no one was in here. But the voices, now more distinct, were coming from the partially ajar kitchen door. I shook the messy-from-sleep hair out of my eyes and pursued.

"Peeta?" I asked as I walked in. But there was no need for an answer.

Peeta and Prim sat across from each other at the kitchen table, talking lightly to one another. A cup of something bitter-smelling was in Peeta's hands and he took a sip. Coffee? Eugh.

When I came in, both of them looked up. Peeta smiled.

"Hey, Katniss." He said lightly, unconcerned. About anything, really.

Primrose grinned up at me. "Good morning!"

I did my best not to flush in embarrassment and react. Sure, I _was_ borrowing Peeta's pants, and sure, I _was_ wearing the equivalent of a brassier down to breakfast, which must not have looked so good since I live with Peeta. I shook that off. "Hey." Stifling a shook-up yawn, I slid into the chair next to Peeta. I wrinkled my nose at the gross drink he was holding. "Is that coffee?"

"Yeah," He held it out. "You want some?"

I shuddered and shook my head.

"We were just talking about you," Prim said, smoothing out the front of her blouse.

From the other side of the kitchen, a timer dinged. Peeta got up wordlessly and opened the oven.

"That's nice to know." I did my best not to scowl. "What about?"

"The wedding. And Ivy." Though her words were interested, Prim's eyes followed the streaming loaf of cornbread Peeta had just set on the table, along with a dish of butter.

We ate.

"So…" I licked a stray crumb of bread off my thumb and looked up at my little sister. "Exactly what were you talking about, about the wedding and Ivy?"

Prim helped herself to another golden piece and spread butter on it. "Well, not just those two topics, but Peeta and I both think that if things were going to go smoother, we might want to call and give a heads-up to those on our guest list so far, like Annie and Finnick and such."

They seemed like a wedding-planning dynamic duo, nodding their heads to what each other say, using "we" in ideas. Some part of me thought I was supposed to be bothered, but the other part rolled its eyes and didn't know why exactly I should be bothered.

"Why?" I felt slightly better after eating. "We don't even have a date set."

"It'd be easier to set a date if we have our guests physically with us to work out. And," Peeta smiled a little, sweet grin, "after all, it's a wedding, we should have bridesmaids."

I felt a burning in my cheeks, not out of anger or embarrassment, but confusion. "It's not a big wedding. I have a feeling everyone's going against me making it one."

Frowning sympathetically, Peeta reached out to touch my wrist. "No, Katniss. No one is going against you. It is _your_ wedding, after all. But even though we're working to make it as small and traditional as possible, it _is_ a wedding, and if you don't like what you do at weddings, speak now or forever hold your peace."

What bothered me most about this was he was completely right, but I _did_ have a problem with it. I had a problem with it being anything bigger than a meal and a vow, and perhaps some dancing somewhere in between.

"If you don't want bridesmaids, say it. If you don't want the whole town there to watch the vows, fine. If you don't _want_ vows, fine. Getting married can be as easy as a signature on a piece of paper; it doesn't have to be anything more. If you want that, just say it."

I grimaced down at my hands. "That didn't work the first time we did it, Peeta. And it's just as much your wedding as mine." Sniffing up a tad of annoyance that had been crawling into my nasal cavities, I lifted my head back up to look at him. "And I want a wedding. Bridesmaids are fine. Annie?"

Peeta seemed genuinely relieved I had consented. "That's what I was thinking, yes."

"And Ivy." Primrose seemed extra-excited in saying the little girl's name.

I sighed in content at the thought. Annie and the four-year-old wearing matching dresses as Finnick and Jace wore suits and stood a little ways away, Finnick beaming at his wife. The mental picture softened my heart just a bit, but something from the picture was missing. I tilted my head slightly to the left and glanced at my little sister as she stared expectantly at me with a dimple in her chin. I nearly smiled. "And you, of course."

"Yes, of course." Peeta nodded with me, saying that before Prim could say anything. "I could see them standing up there…matching dresses… I think that's good, unless you want to chance forcing Johanna into a dress, but that could end badly."

We all smiled.

Prim, who was keen on not wasting any time, was practically bouncing on her seat. "Can we go to town now? Maybe try to find Ivy and talk to her mother?"

I stretched forwards on my elbows and eyed my sister tiredly. "Some of us woke up only half an hour ago, Prim. Maybe if you'd give me a chance to wake up first. Isn't Mother working today?"

She nodded. "Saturdays, but she gets off at two instead of seven."

"Oh." The information stuck around for a few seconds, but then drifted off into oblivion and I stood up. "If we're going to go to town this early I should get dressed."

Peeta appeared already dressed, so he needn't get up with me. And I realized then, I didn't need to be embarrassed about anything with either of them. It was a nice realization, giving me the cause to be more relaxed about my current choice of clothing. I touched Peeta's shoulder affectionately as I walked out, knowing he understood what I meant. And as I let the door swing close behind me, I thought I heard something._ "I can see why you love her so much." _

I could have imagined it, probably imagined it, but it was nonetheless the subject of a tiny smile. My first real one of the day.

After a quick five-minute shower and changing into a clean set of clothes, I met the two of them back downstairs. Standing up, I could see Primrose was in the plainest clothes I've seen her in for a while. Just a pleated skirt and a blouse, hair tied back into a wavy ponytail. She looked maybe fifteen or sixteen, by the mere fact that she wasn't wearing little-girl dressed or pigtails. I wasn't sure whether to be proud or sad that she was growing up faster than I'd like.

I ambled up next to Peeta and exhaled. "What's our first order of business?"

He looked amused my choice of words. "I was about to ask you the same."

Prim, who'd been quiet since I'd gotten back, picked up her head and looked thoughtful. "How about we try and find Ivy?"

Peeta and I exchanged a comical glance in agreement and he opened the door for us. Prim thanked him and walked out, but I didn't need to thank him. Instead, I waited for him a foot out the door and let him squeeze my hand. But something about the action made me slightly uncomfortable. So, as not to be rude, I squeezed it one more time then caught up to my little sister.

We walked for a little bit into town, Prim on one side of me, Peeta on the other. But as we got deeper into town, uncertainty set over us. Where to start?

Prim suggested the candy shop.

So there we sat in front of the candy shop, sucking on lemon-flavored hard candy, knees tucked to our chests. The three of us were silent, peering around the town square for the next action. Peeta thankfully didn't seem too put out that I wasn't up to sitting on his lap or holding hands, but something weird squirmed in my stomach every time I thought of doing that. It wasn't just that Prim was with us. I wasn't sure, but I was careful not to hurt his feelings.

Prim, who was looking around, popped another candy in her mouth. "What does she look like?"

Peeta rubbed his chin. "Pretty small, red hair…really big green eyes."

"Like that one?" Prim pointed over next to the fabric shop, where a cluster of people were grouped together talking lightly to one another.

I squinted over to where she was pointing, but Peeta beat me to it.

"No, that's not her." He sat back, deflated. "She's about four years old."

I then saw where my sister had been pointing, and it led to someone who looked much older than four. I leaned back, too.

We sat for another few minutes, trying even harder to find the girl. Finally, Peeta straightened up.

"That's her." He said in a slightly quiet voice, pointing twenty feet to the right of the fake-Ivy. And sure enough, there she was, one hand clinging to her mother, the other wrapped around a small package of paraffin. She looked upset, thin cherry eyebrows wrinkled and lower lips sticking out. She was saying something to her mother, who looked exasperated.

Prim found her soon after Peeta pointed her out. "The one holding the package?" She paused a second, then smiled. "She's adorable! How did you guys meet her again?"

Peeta stood up, helping both Prim and I up. "We were just walking, and she came up to us. Wanted to talk to me."

The memory made me want to smile. But it also brought me down a bit. _I_ wanted a kid. I wanted to feel that small, warm body so close to mine, I wanted to see her (or him) grow from a sweet pucker-faced baby to a strong adult, knowing that I'd done my duty just fine. I'd raised _that_, I was responsible for one good thing in the world if any. Purely selfish reasons.

"Katniss?"

Peeta's voice made my head snap over to him where he and Prim were about ten feet in front of us. Bother of them had stopped and were looking back at me.

"Oh. Sorry." I hurried to catch up.

As we neared Ivy and her mother, I grew uncertain. Peeta seemed confident enough, and Primrose looked excited, but did either of them know what the heck we were going to say? We've only met Ivy once and her mother twice, but perhaps we should wait a few more encounters before we start wanting their full trust. I turned my head slightly towards Peeta to tell him that, but it was two seconds too late. Ivy had already saw us.

She made a quiet little toddler noise and tugged on her mother's arm, eyes locked on us.

"For the last time, Ivy, I will not b—" The tired mother suddenly looked up to where her four-year-old was pointing. "Oh!"

I paused uncertainly, automatically leaning a bit closer to Peeta. He opened his mouth to say something (I could always rely on him for the speaking), but Ivy beat him to it.

She tore her hand out of her mother's and hugged the package of paraffin to her, grinning up at us. Well, more like Peeta. She ignored Prim, though, just looking at Peeta. "Hiii," Her tiny teeth showed as she grinned.

Being good-natured as always, Peeta smiled back. "Hey, Ivy." But after acknowledging the little girl, he turned his head up to her mother. "Hello again."

She looked frazzled, and smiled a little. The stress could be seen in the tightness of her lips. "Good morning, you three." She glanced at Prim, and a little confused line appeared in between her eyebrows.

It was my job to introduce her. I stepped closer to my little sister and touched her arm fondly. "This is Primrose, my sister. Prim, this is Ivy and…" My heart sank a little bit in embarrassment, realizing I didn't know Ivy's mothers' name.

"Caroline." She filled it in and exchanged a polite handshake with Prim. "Caroline and Ivy Sawyer."

"It's nice to meet you." Prim smiled, and I could tell Ivy's mom—Caroline—automatically liked her. Then Prim bent down on her knees like Peeta did the first time and smiled likeably at Ivy. "Hello, Ivy. I'm Prim."

Ivy, who had her face hidden behind the package, peeked out from behind it and said in a very quiet voice, "Hi, Prim."

This little girl must really enjoy meeting new people, because she giggled in excitement and looked up at her mother, and then looked back over at Prim.

"I like your dress." My sister commented on Ivy's denim overall-dress. "It's very pretty."

"Thank you." Ivy, pleased to have met another girl slightly younger and less intimidating than me, handed Primrose her chunk of paraffin and launched into a detailed explanation of what happened to her bowl of porridge over breakfast.

Now that she was occupied, Peeta and I looked back up at Caroline, who had done the same.

"So," Caroline tucked a piece of her auburn-brown hair behind her ear. "What can I help you two with?"

After only casting me a small glance, Peeta decided it was safe to assume I wasn't going to do the talking, so he cleared his throat quietly. "As you know, Katniss and I are getting married…soon, and yesterday when we were starting the rough draft plan, we couldn't help but think of you and Ivy. And how you might like to come." He took a brief second to bite his bottom lip and, in making a very hasty decision, added, "And maybe even help with the plans."

Caroline's face wavered uncertainly. "Oh…I-I really couldn't… I'm no good at planning things. Everyone's heard of the wedding now, and it'd just be…a bigger hassle than necessary to get involved."

I frowned and bit my lip. "Are you sure? It'll really help a lot, and I'm sure Ivy wouldn't mind getting to be a br—" I stopped myself before I could say 'bridesmaid'. "To be there."

"It's an honor, Miss Ev— I mean, Katniss. It really is an honor but…" Caroline paused, looking slightly ashamed. "I don't think we're cut out to help with something that big. We don't have anything to wear, or-or…anything."

"Well, at least come over for dinner sometime." Peeta seemed only slightly put out, and managed a smile though the woman insisted against it.

Ivy, who had heard that last part, jumped away from her conversation from Prim to tug her mother's trousers. "Can we, mama?"

At that moment, a slight wistful look appeared in Caroline's eyes, and I realized that maybe she was poorer than we thought. She was thinking that she wasn't fit to linger with a class so high. Does she not realize how…normal we're trying to be? We didn't want to be famous. And we wanted Ivy to be a bridesmaid.

Finally, Caroline caved in and sighed, pushing her hair back. "When?"

"It doesn't matter. When is best for you?" Peeta took a brief moment to smile down at Ivy, who was trying to get attention, since Prim had stood back up.

The woman sighed and shook her head, seeming extra-frazzled. "Uh…Tomorrow. Tomorrow will work. Tomorrow for dinner."

"That works. Do you…" Peeta hesitated, slightly confused. He glanced at me, and I could see the look on his face. "Do you want us to come and accompany you on the walk to our house? Or would you rather just come?"

"We'll just come. We know where it is." Caroline looked slightly embarrassed, then apologetic. "Everyone does."

Peeta shrugged, unfazed. "What time would be most convenient for you?"

There was a pause. "Five works."

"Alright then. It's settled." He smiled kindly, and then looked down at Ivy. "I'll see you two tomorrow?"

Ivy giggled and hopped up and down excitedly.

"Thank you." I thanked them as well, and smiled, and tried to grin down at Ivy but it felt more like a grimace. Oops.

"Goodbye," Caroline smiled tiredly at all three of us. "It was nice meeting you, Primrose."

"It was nice meeting you, too." Prim nodded, and waggled her fingers at the little girl who had taken her package of paraffin back.

They walked off, a little new skip-hop visible in Ivy's step.

I let out a small, gusty sigh. "I guess we have a day tomorrow, then. Busy, busy."

"Yes. But today is for relaxing. You look tired still." Peeta slid his hand around mine and squeezed it reassuringly.

"I am." But when he gave me a small kiss on the forehead, I felt my face redden for some odd reason. "Let's go home, Peeta. I want a bath, then a really long nap."

**oOo**

_That was horrible, I'm sorry. I got writers block towards the end. Don't hate me. :D So, um… Sorry it took so long, but it was to be expected. Anyways, review! Love you all, and have a good weekend. _

_P.S: I've been considering something… Well, with my poems, I ran out of ideas quite a bit ago, and I've been only getting about two reviews each poem lately, and that's fine with me, but I think either a) I'm calling it quits and marking the story as complete or b) …I had an idea earlier. But I guess since it decided to run away with the dish and the spoon, I'll just go with plan 'a' for now. ;)_


	37. Chapter 37

_I would admit I'm cheating on the chapter(s) of the wedding, but I'm TOTALLY not going to. Admit it, I mean. I'm not going to. So, thanks to everyone who reviewed, and I should say sorry because my computer doesn't let me reply to them anymore. And I should also say that I will no longer have this darling computer as of this week, so until I get something else worked out, things are going to be a billion times slower. But anyways, enjoy this chapter!_

**oOo**

After watching Ivy and her mother—Caroline—walk away, Peeta and I headed back home. I kept my hands laced behind my back in thought, not registering the guilt I should have been feeling every time Peeta made a move to hold my hand. In fact, half the time I didn't register it; my mind was too busy with the gears of our wedding plans actually moving. Progress is being made, but I was still somewhat confused. About what, I had no idea.

We walked home in silence, and when we got back to Victor's Village, I curled up on the couch and closed my eyes. I wasn't necessarily looking for some sleep, but just some quiet time away from my constant sensory overload. Not ten minutes after I laid down, the other end of the couch shifted with the pressure of another being sitting down. I opened my eyes and glanced over at Peeta.

He held out a cup of tea—my favorite—and I took it.

"Is there something wrong, Katniss?" Peeta reached over and touched my arm. "You're being distant. Is there more to…to…" He furrowed his brows and looked away in contemplation. "To everything?"

I curled my fingers around the cup and stared into its deep reddish-black color. "I don't know, Peeta. I don't _think_ so."

"I know it's probably a…bad time to ask if everything is alright," his blue eyes twinkled slightly, "but I'm going to admit that I've noticed you've been pulling away from me. I just want to know if anything else is wrong."

I wrinkled my nose and pursed my lips. That was an odd way to phrase it, and made me feel slightly guilty. "Nothing is _wrong_, Peeta. I'm just trying to figure it all out. Trying to figure _myself_ out."

Peeta persevered. "Is that all? Because I'm…" He grimaced, a worried crease in her brows. When I frowned, he dropped his gaze into his own, un-drunk cup of tea. After a few seconds pause, he looked back up. "I'm worried for you."

I was silent. Between the times Peeta spoke and I spoke, I finished half of my tea, taking sips every now and then, mulling over what he said. At the two-and-a-half minute mark, I laughed. Well, it was more like a really loud, long snort, but either way… Tea burned in my nose and my cheeks hurt from trying not to smile.

Peeta just looked more confused than ever, a frown appearing on his face. I wondered if he ever questions my mental stability…

"What's new, Peeta?" I took another drink of my tea, my composure mostly regained. "You always for me. I'm always giving people a cause to worry. I wish you'd just accept I'm not sane, and get on with your life."

Peeta, who was growing considerably more worried, relaxed his face and laughed once. "Fat chance. But that still doesn't explain why you don't let me kiss you anymore."

Now it was my turn to frown, but I didn't while looking at him. I was frowning into my cup, chewing on the inside of my cheek, and took a second before I spoke. "I let you kiss me."

"Not without a frown."

I glanced up at him and scowled, but said nothing.

"And not with a funny face, as though repulsed."

I turned my eyes back to the cup of tea in my hand, glowering into it.

"And certainly not often." When I looked up at him, I saw that he was grinning. "Enough, anyways."

"Where is this going, Peeta?" I asked in a voice that sounded a lot calmer than I actually was. And I wasn't _actually_ upset. Just annoyed. Greatly.

"Nowhere." His face returned to normal and he got up. But before he left, and before I could say anything else, Peeta leaned over and gave me a quick kiss. "Nowhere at all." He left me to think about that.

Later that day we had lunch, and then at about 3:45, I came into our room from the living room and found Peeta completely absorbed in something. His back was arched and he was bent over something, scratching on it with a normal pencil. When he heard me come in, his head snapped up and his hands tilted the notepad automatically towards him.

I sat on the end of the bed. "What's that?"

Peeta glanced down at his notebook and looked back up, a slight smile tracing his lips. "Just some…rough draft plans of our cake. Sketches, ideas, just some random stuff."

Our cake? I frowned. By the tone of his voice, I could tell it wasn't just a tiny, one-layer. If I could convince him out of it (which I wasn't even 100% sure that was his plan in the first place) that would be great, but I didn't think I would be able to. "Can I see?" I tucked my legs under me.

He cocked his head slightly to the left in thought. "No. It's going to be a surprise."

Eh… "Is it giant and extravagant?"

He glanced down at the drawing again, and back at me. For a second he paused. "You don't want it to be." It wasn't even a question.

He knew me so well.

"No, I really don't want it to be." It was best to be honest in these situations. But I couldn't help but smiling a bit, and I repeated, "Can I see?"

"I told you, no." Peeta was grinning, too. "But if you don't want…" He hesitated, and then paused. "I'm going to have to make some adjustments."

"How many layers?"

"Three."

Oh, good lord. I sighed and scooted off the bed. "I'm going to take a bath." And without waiting for him to say anything back, I stretched my back until it popped and went into the bathroom.

I stripped off my clothes, kicked them into the corner, and started my bath. Immediately after I poured in this sweet-smelling soap, hot water stirred up pinkish bubbles and made a tower of foam nearly a foot thick. When the tub was completely full, I sank myself into it. The sigh of relief was inevitable.

I laid there in the bathtub almost completely submerged in water, letting my thoughts go black. Black feathers of hair floating on top of the foam around me, and every time I breathed, tiny bubbles floated near my nose, then away. It was crazy comfortable, so much I wanted to just fall asleep in there. I closed my eyes, letting the fuzzy sense wash over me.

For a few minutes I stayed there, unmoving and silent. Once, the rush of falling caught me on the brink of nodding off, but it was too hard to beat off. Promising myself I'd only take a really short nap, I let it bring me under. And I would have to say it was one of the best hour-long naps I've ever had, while it lasted.

"Katniss?" A knocking on the door jolted me abruptly out of my sleep. "You okay in there?"

Trying to shake the sleep from my mind, I shook my head. "Nn?"

"Katniss…?" Now Peeta's voice was getting worried, and he knocked louder. "Katniss, love, are you alright?"

I sat up in the bath, feeling the cold where I took my skin from the now-cool water. "Yeah, I'm fine." My words were interrupted with a large yawn. "Sorry. I fell asleep."

From outside the bathroom I heard Peeta laugh. "It's alright. I'll leave you to that, then."

"Mm, no it's okay." I groaned, and then exhaled, reaching out my hands. The tips of my fingers all the way to my palms were wrinkled and wet. "I'm getting out anyway."

Peeta didn't respond.

Inhaling sharply when I felt the bite of the air hit my wet skin, I wrapped a towel under my arms and cracked open the door. I peered outside, holding the door with one hand and the towel to my chest with the other. Not like I'd expected, Peeta was sitting on the bed, leaning on his knees with his elbows, gazing absentmindedly at the bathroom door while rubbing his chin.

When he saw me, he paused a second, then smiled. But said nothing. Giving only the tiniest smile back, I went back inside the bathroom and finished changing. I probably should have saved the bath for bedtime because I just changed back into the clothes I was wearing, but that's alright. I just shrugged and took a comb to the wet tangle of hair on my head. The floor was splattered with drops of water as I brushed it out, and when I was done, I set the comb back on the counter. Though the mirror was a bit fogged up, I could still see the squeaky-clean girl staring back at me. I shrugged and went back into the room.

Peeta was in the exact same position he was when I peeked outside. When I sat down next to him, he looked up and smiled. "Feel better?"

"Slightly." I stretched out my arms and exhaled. I wanted to say something else, but there wasn't really much else to say. I was still musing over our conversation before I got into the bath, about how I didn't let him kiss me. I did, didn't I? Of course I did. Well, perhaps I wasn't quite as snuggly to him as I was a bit ago, but that just felt…off now. Should I be feeling guilty for that?

There was silence for a few minutes, and then Peeta braced his hands on his knees and stood up. "It's dinnertime, any requests?"

I stood up too. "No." But that was all I said, and in my head I laughed at the obvious fact that Peeta did all the cooking. He made a wonderful housewife.

Peeta ended up fixing soup and grilled cheese sandwiches. Though secretly I found goat cheese to be tastier, this harder form of orange cheese was still delicious. We munched and slurped for a while, savoring the flavors, but I had to put down my spoon in curiosity when Peeta did. He ripped small pieces off his sandwich and chewed it slowly. I kept my eyes on him.

A few minutes went by like this. I was beginning to think he wasn't going to say anything at all, when he caught me by surprise.

"Do you ever think about Gale?"

I stopped mid-chew and furrowed my eyebrows. Silence stayed with me for a bit, at which the end, I glanced up to meet Peeta's eyes defensively. "What kind of question is that?"

He blinked once and shrugged, dropping his gaze back down to his almost-finished soup.

I suddenly had no appetite. I just picked at my food in silence, feeling peculiar in my stomach. What did Peeta mean? Well, it was kind of obvious, but what? My tongue felt thick in my mouth, like cotton, and I avoided looking up.

A few minutes went by when neither of us spoke. When it was clear my stomach ached too much to have any more in it, I set down my spoon and I swallowed past my cotton tongue. My eyes flicked up momentarily, and I caught Peeta looking at me.

"All the time." The words came out without me even wanting them to. I was suddenly upset, and tears pricked my eyes. What business of _his_ was it? I scowled back down at my partially-untouched food. "But it's always useless thinking about him."

There was a stretch of silence which Peeta kept his eyes down at his finished food. He paused for a few minutes. Or seconds, I wasn't sure.

"Does it hurt much?" His voice was rough and he looked up abruptly with a fire in his eyes unknown to me. "Knowing you can't change what you did to him?"

The fire in his eyes seemed to heat my face and scorch my heart. I felt my lungs do this crazy spasm thing, and I blinked hot wetness away. "What do you think, Peeta? Every day of my life I wish that things would have gone differently, every single day I miss him."

"And what _if_ things had gone differently?" His voice was rough, again, and even quieter. "What kind of differently are you talking about?"

I stood up slowly, fighting upset rage. My knuckles were white against the back of the chair I was sitting in, and now leaning on. "What business of yours is it anyways?" My voice waved on the edge from tears. "What business do you have, Peeta, asking me what I would have done differently? If it hurts knowing I hurt him? You _know_ it hurts, I hurt you the same. You don't _need_ to ask me, you know."

Peeta stood up too, and the glazed look in his eyes was gone. "Katniss, I'm sorry I upset you. I didn't mean—"

"Of course you didn't mean to, Peeta." I turned my back to him, feeling stupid. This happened so often. "You never do."

He came over behind me and tried to put his hand on my shoulder. "I just thought that maybe if you talked to me for once, you'd feel better."

"Well, I wouldn't." I flinched away and turned back towards him, leaning against the wall. "You just don't seem to learn. It doesn't make me feel better; it just reminds me of all the pain."

"Please, Katniss don't do this again." He reached out one of his arms, looking like he regretted it. "I didn't know it'd upset you this m—"

"Why wouldn't it upset me?" I raised my voice unintentionally, once again shrinking away from his arms. "He was my best friend and I let him _die_, but not before I crushed his heart into a million pieces. That hurts me more than getting stabbed in the shoulder." And trust me, I would know. "It's harder than you might think, getting over someone."

Peeta looked momentarily shocked. "'Getting over' him?"

I felt my shoulders trembling with the weight of the lump in my throat. "He was my best friend. I loved him."

He paused for a moment, and then turned his head away slightly. "I've been trying to help you get over him. Because I want to see you happy again. I guess that's not happening." Peeta turned to leave the kitchen.

Now it was my turn to be surprised. He _never_ walked out from things like that. It was normally me. _Come face me like a man, Peeta Mellark_. "I'm trying, Peeta." The words were practically cried. "I'm trying my best, but it's hard when you're unable to have children, your best friend just died, and I'm still wanted to be there for everyone. I can't hold myself together, and to be frank, I was beginning to forget my pain about Gale. You brought him up again and—" I was interrupted with a cough and a rasping breath.

Peeta turned around. His face was perfectly blank and gorgeous. "I've already apologized, and I've been trying to help you, but you seem to not want to be helped. I try everything, I try so hard. I don't know what else to do."

I felt two miniscule tears slip from my left eye and I took a few shaky breaths. "I want to go back." I felt the coldness slip down my cheek and onto my chin. But the second they fell and hit the floor, it felt like all hell broke loose in my chest. Letting out a frustrated scream, I clutched my head in my hands and felt more tears fall. "I want to go back home, I want to be able to hunt again, I want my old straw cot back, I want Gale to still be alive, I want everything to go back to normal. I wish this had never happened, I wish I could go back." Sobs were shaking my shoulder with every attempted breath.

"Katniss…" Peeta's voice was so quiet I could have just imagined him whisper my name. His eyes were shining and his brows were slanted in sympathy. He shook his head, mouth working but no sound coming out. His hand reached out to touch my face.

I snapped. My head whipped away from his, my body shrinking from his touch. "Don't touch my Peeta Mellark. You just make it worse. Get away from me, Peeta," But he followed me to the other side of the kitchen, arms out, looking helpless. "Get away from me!" The words came out as a scream and I turned around briskly and pounded my fist once on the countertop. My neck, which felt stiff, was forced to turn to look at Peeta, who looked frightened and worried. "Peeta, I-I can't… I just can't anymore. I'm sick, I c-can't—" My eyes snapped open.

Peeta had quickly filled the space between us and had slid his hand behind my neck. And before I could yank away or yell at him again, his mouth was on mine. Both of our tears slid together on our cheeks, and I could taste salt on his mouth. At first I struggled, trying to pull away from him, bringing my hands in between us. But his mouth remained unyielding. The energy was drained from my body; the last push was futile. His other arm slipped around me and held me as I felt my legs buckle. I did my best not to fall, but when Peeta broke away he practically had to drag me to the couch before they gave way.

On the couch I couldn't look into his eyes. I closed them and curled into a little ball next to him, my cheek pressed on his chest. Though half my brain was blurry and dissolved, I could still feel his hands on me and in my hair, stroking my face and shoulders and holding back my disheveled, damp locks. All the while, he still managed to hold me up and to his own body.

"I'll always hold you together, Katniss. I'm going to do my best, too. I won't let you fall, I promise…." His voice was rough and near-silent. But I could hear it as if amplified. I could hear every spoken syllable, I could feel his lips just barely touching my ear, and I could still taste his tears on my own.

"I'm sorry," I whispered back, opening my eyes just a fraction. "I wish I could hold myself together for you."

"Don't be sorry."Peeta touched his finger to my cheek. "These are trying times. We'll pull through, love, don't you worry. We'll pull through…"

I felt a tiny smile stretch on my mouth, creasing the layer of dried tears on my face. "That's the best news I've heard in a long time."

**oOo**

_Phew. It's about time I finished that chapter. So, AMAZING thanks to my good friend Hannah who (miraculously) had the willpower to resist when I offered her a snippet of it. She's helped me quite a bit with this chapter, so thank you bunches, and this chapter is dedicated to you! _

_Review!_


	38. Chapter 38

_Okay, in a lot of the review I've gathered about one mutual thing all of you people have in common: you think that Katniss should stop PMSing and be happy for once, because you're tired of confusion and depression. I understand COMPLETELY, and I think I might want to apologize because things like behaviors need to be planned out ahead of time. Trust me, I'm sick and tired of writing about it and I just want them to kiss and make up (LITERALLY), but please. Just sit back and watch things unfold. I'm doing this for a reason, all this has a purpose. I'm sorry it's getting old, and I totally agree with you, but it's worth it. In a few chapters, perhaps the wedding night or something, it's all going to simultaneously come together and you're going to be all "OOOOOHHH I get it". It's worth it, it really is. _

_Things are getting a tiny bit complicated and require about fifty gazillion times more thought and planning out, so it might be a bit in between updates. That's alright, though, because it's totally worth it, as I've said twice before. ;) No one will be disappointed, I promise. Just thinking about the wedding/the night after the wedding gives me goosebumps. It's going to be __spectacular__. _

_I wanted to dedicate this chapter to my friend, Hannah, who helped me SO much with it. I wanted to dedicate it to her, but she hates attention, see. She told me not to dedicate it to her and got kind of defensive about it, too, so instead of dedicating it to her, I'm going to ask all of you not to pay any attention to my AMAZING friend Hannah and her not-dedication. _

**oOo**

I didn't stay on the couch with Peeta for too long. Instead of following him to the kitchen where he finished cleaning up the dishes, I sort of wandered the house. Deep inside me I felt a bored longing for my old life when there was a purpose. Now it seemed to be this old, horrid routine. Wake up, eat breakfast, sit talking with Peeta _somewhere_ until lunch, then after lunch, we take a walk to town or see my family (or something like that), have dinner, and then go to bed. Before I had hunting to do, and cleaning the animals, drying them, fixing food for my family, spending time with my sister I _should_ be spending. Now my life just felt flat.

When I had eventually made my way back into the living room, Peeta had chosen that time to come out of the kitchen. He came over to me and tucked my hand in his. "Are you feeling better?" His eyes blinked curiously, though the worried gleam still hadn't left. If I kept worrying him like this every day, he's eventually going to become permanently like that.

"I think so." I cocked my head slightly with a mutual face on, and scratched my side. "I think… I think I want to go over and see Mother and Prim."

"Oh." He blinked, and then smiled. "Okay." Peeta took his hand back reluctantly and stood there for a few seconds hesitantly. "Have fun."

Maybe I was a little surprise he had such little to say for once, but I just shrugged. "Thanks." And, as a second thought, I reached up on my tiptoes and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "I love you, Peeta."

Peeta shined for a moment at the words, and then grinned at me. "I love you, too." He reached up to touch the top of my cheekbone briefly then drew away.

More words weren't necessary for a goodbye, and with one last smile, I turned around and left him standing there, hands in pockets, gazing at my back as I walked out.

The sun was setting, and cast a hazy purple/grey color on the layer of clouds that had decided to settle over District 12. It must have been about seven o'clock, and the dusk shadows cast by the trees were dull and halfhearted. I took a moment to stare into the forest sadly. The breeze carried in the scent of nature and freedom, making me think only more of my best friend. Shaking my head vigorously, I waved that aside. No use thinking of him right now.

I walked up the few steps up to the front door of my mother's and Prim's house, and knocked a quietly a few times, just in case they were asleep. They weren't. Two seconds later Mother came to the door, and when she saw who it was, smiled happily at me.

"Katniss!" She said, blue eyes wrinkling kindly. "You know you don't have to knock."

Mother stepped aside and ushered me in. The door was closed behind me, and the second her hand came off the doorknob, she put her arms around me and squeezed me tightly.

"How are you, hon?" She said, putting her hands on my cheeks. Mother was about an inch shorter than me, wrinkled with stress and age but nevertheless my mother, and beautiful.

"I'm doing…" I hesitated slightly, and then caught my tongue in between my teeth briefly. "I'm doing okay. It's definitely different living away from you guys, and I've felt guilty for not visiting you as often as I should. But I'm here now. I hope it isn't too late."

"No, no, it's fine!" Mother reassured me with another pat on my cheek. "Primrose is up in her room, doing lord-knows-what. Go on up." She waved me on with a motherly impatience, but didn't forget a smile and a joking wink.

I smiled back and went upstairs.

Prim was there as promised. She was lying on her stomach on her bed, scratching away with a pencil on some paper. Her blond eyebrows were furrowed slightly in concentration, but all was broke when she heard me enter. Her head turned up and she grinned her usual dimpled-smile. "Katniss!"

She struggled around and sat up on her bed, hiding the paper behind her.

"What was that?" I asked, sitting down next to my little sister on her bed. "Were you drawing?" The only interest peeked was only from Peeta's drawing habits. It would be nice to know Primrose started drawing too. I have such a talented family.

"Yeah…" Prim frowned slightly, and shrugged, still not bringing the paper back out in front to show me. "I'm not too good at it. Is Peeta coming?" She changed the subject abruptly, and I knew I wasn't going to see what she drew.

"No." I shook my head. "Just me. Things are kind of…tense right now."

My sister frowned sympathetically. She knew Peeta and I never fought. "What happened?"

I shrugged my shoulders slightly, not really wanting to go there. "Some topics were touched that shouldn't have been. Peeta didn't see that I didn't want to talk about it. He was being insensitive."

Though wary of the suggestion, Prim asked, "Could you have been…overeating a bit possibly?"

Feeling defensive, I scowled at my hands. "No. Peeta knew that I didn't want to talk about him, but he ins—" My eyebrows twitched up and I knew that by saying that, Prim immediately knew what I was talking about. I cleared my throat. "He wouldn't drop the subject."

There was silence for a few seconds.

"Are you sure he wasn't just being insecure or jealous?"

"I don't know, Prim, and Im don't care to talk about it ever again." But the second the words escaped my mouth, I regretted snapping at my little sister. "I-I'm sorry, Primrose, I didn't mean to snap."

Thankfully, she understood and patted my hand—a habit she got from our mother. "It's alright, Katniss." She changed the subject once again. "Are you staying the night?"

I thought about it for a second. Peeta's face came to mind, sympathetic and concerned about me, even when I was awful to him. Never wavering and never failing to forgive me. Guilt blossomed like a flower in my chest, making me grimace. I nodded. "Yeah. I think I should."

Prim smiled at me. "Then in that case, I'm going to take a quick shower." She leaned over and gave me a small kiss on the cheek. "Make yourself at home."

I was quiet for a bit, and only after the bathroom door had swung closed behind my sister, I whispered, "This _is_ my home."

**PEETA'S POV**

Katniss had been gone for a few hours. It was probably ten at night and I still hadn't heard from her at all. Looking out the window over the kitchen sink, I could see a glow of light through the closed curtains on the second floor of Primrose's and Katniss' mother's house. It was completely black out now, and the layer of clouds prevented the stars from being visible. It was a blank and motionless, quiet except for the occasional call of a cricket or a bird staying up late.

At eleven I decided to go over there. With one last glance at the loaf of bread in the oven (to make sure it wasn't in risk of burning), I hung up my old apron and headed out. I felt unsure and remorseful about yelling at her. It was so hard not to just explode at her, but I was doing my best. The thing that made me the most upset was how she didn't seem to _care_. She didn't care that she was doing all that to herself, that she was becoming more and more out of my reach. Well, maybe she cared, but she didn't do anything about it. If she realizes that she's slipping away from me, she's not doing anything about it. This made me angrier than anything. Perhaps my intentions were strictly selfish, but we have to meet halfway. I can't save her from a future of…darkness when she isn't even trying to save herself.

Shaking those feelings away, I walked up the porch steps to the large house. Though they told me before I didn't need to knock, I knocked anyways. It was late.

A few minutes later, Ms. Everdeen answered. She looked like she _hadn't_ just gotten out of bed, which relieved me.

"Peeta! Come in, come in." She opened the door wider and closed it after me.

"I hope I didn't…wake you up or anything." I said almost absentmindedly, looking around for Katniss. She wasn't in here.

It was a little dark in there, only lights on in the kitchen, hallway, and one on upstairs lit the house.

"No." Ms. Everdeen smiled reassuringly at me. "I was awake working on some stuff. Primrose and Katniss are upstairs, doing what, I'm not sure. Would you like some tea?"

"Um…" I craned my neck to peek up the stairs. Everything was quite. "Yes, please. I'm going to go see them, is that alright?" A muscle in my neck started to twitch.

"Of course, of course." She looked curious as to why I was acting so formal, but I wasn't going to tell her that Katniss and I had a fight and I had no idea what I was doing here. "Go on up." Ms. Everdeen smiled at me again and went into the kitchen for some tea.

I glanced at the partially-open kitchen door, and then began walking up the stairs. Well, trudge was more like it. I was nervous (I had no idea why). Perhaps she was so angry she came here to get away from me. Maybe I shouldn't be here. I stopped on the steps, faltering my decision of seeing her. I should probably turn around and go back home, avoiding anything else bad.

Releasing an annoyed breath, I shook my head. Nah, I'm going. My feet took the last four necessary steps to the second floor and I faltered in front of Katniss' old bedroom door. It was cracked open, but no light shone from it. As quietly as possible, I opened it a few inches more and poked my head in. The floor was freshly swept, the bathroom door open all the way, the wardrobe closed and dusted, and the bed was made—but obviously empty. It looked as if no one had stayed in this room for quite some time. Knowing this was true, I backed back out and thought. She was in Prim's room, of course. I remember.

When I neared Primrose's room, I paused and listened. No sounds came from it, but a golden sliver of light was visible, cast upon the thick fawn carpet in the hallway. I inhaled and knocked once on the door, quietly. Still silence from inside. It was frighteningly desolate in this house tonight. Shaking my head, I reached over, pushed the door open, and snuck in to see.

The sight made me release the breath I'd been holding onto. Katniss and Primrose were curled up on her bed, both wearing light pink nightdresses (It had been a while since I'd seen Katniss wear pink) and had their wet hair pulled back in two braids on either sides of their heads. Before, I had thought they looked nothing alike. Katniss was black-haired with olive skin and grey eyes, keeping to herself and rarely smiling. She slouched quite a bit. Primrose, on the other hand, was all golden and blue. She smiled and laughed a lot, sympathetic and sweet. She stood up straight and attracted all sorts of attention with her charm and loveliness. But right then was probably the first time I could see how much alike they truly were. Their head shapes were identical, bunny noses and exactly the same delicate bone structure.

Primrose was curled in her older sister's arms, head tucked under Katniss' chin. Katniss had her body turned slightly to the other girl and had her arms a protective cage around Prim. Their chests rose and fell to the same beat, eyelids fluttering from the dreams behind them.

I knew I should probably leave, but I didn't want to. Instead, I tucked my hands in my pockets and leaned against the wall, listening to the sounds of my family sleeping. Yes, I considered Prim my family. She was as close as a sister to me she could get, aside from after the wedding, when she really _will_ be.

There was a hushed knock on the door and Ms. Everdeen walked in, carrying two cups of steaming tea. She glanced at me, then at her daughters. A smile crept on her worn face and she handed me a cup. "They're beautiful."

I nodded slowly. It was hard to take my eyes off of the two sisters, so still and silent. "They are." I took a sip of my tea, not really tasting it. The liquid nearly burned my throat on the way down, but soothed me. "I wish I understood her…" I whispered, mostly to myself. Glancing sideways at Ms. Everdeen, I saw she was confused. I clarified. "Katniss. It's so hard understanding what she means, and half the time I'm just confused because I have no idea what she wants from me… She gets angry. "

Katniss' mother laughed, and I could barely hear it. "Try being her mother. After…after her father died and once I had snapped out of my depression, we'd fight so often. She would get angry at me for simple little things, and I'd get defensive. We'd fight, and Primrose would cry sometimes. It was difficult." There was a pause, and we drank our tea silently for a few minutes. "It's worth it, once she's accepted she's not being abandoned again."

Hearing the truth like that kind of made me twitch, and for a few seconds I was on the brink of a sympathetic moan. Hearing it from her and being with her for nearly two years has taught me a lot, but her mother knew more about her than I might _ever_ know.

There was a moment of silence, and then Ms. Everdeen sighed. "They need their rest. Let's leave them be." She cast a loving glance at her two daughters, then at me briefly. Noting my hesitant look, she smiled a small, wrinkled smile. "Well, I'd better get back to work. I'll see you tomorrow, Peeta."

I ignored the fact that I was indeed a baker and had bread a lot, and instead nodded. "Goodnight, Ms. Everdeen. Thank you." And I watched her duck back out the door.

It must have been about then I realized how odd it was watching people sleep. Though I could have done it for the rest of the night, I imagined the awkwardness of if they woke up when I was standing over them watching them. Shaking my head slightly, I brought the cup of tea back down from my lips and crossed my arms in thought. Or lack thereof. They _did_ need their sleep. I should leave them to it.

Treading lightly on the carpet, I crossed the room until I was at the side of the bed next to Katniss. She was sleeping soundly, each rhythmic breath stirring stray blond hairs on her sister's head. As gently as I possibly could, I knelt down and pressed my lips to her forehead. This time she wasn't awake to scowl at me or flinch away. When will she realize there was nothing she could do to scare me away?

I let out an inaudible sigh and stood back up, gazing at the two of them with a certain vulnerability I wouldn't want anyone else to witness. But ah, what do I care. They're my family, like I said before. Without even hesitating, I bent down and kissed Primrose on the head as well. A sweet scent of flowers wafted up my nose and I recognized it similar to Katniss'.

Tasting the unfamiliar breath of family on my lips, I turned around and left before I could see the smiles stretch across Katniss' and Prim's faces in their sleep.

**KATNISS' POV**

I woke up with a crick in my neck and my mouth sticky with morning breath. I didn't even have to open my eyes to know where I was. Prim's sweet-smelling hair was stuck to my cheek and her body was warm and small in my arms. Lightly so I barely noticed, her chest rose and fell with every breath. She was a deep sleeper when there were no nightmares. I felt a rush of affection for my little sister, one I felt so often. I'd missed sleeping next to her more than I'd realized. Even when the guilt of last night hit me, it was softer than I'd originally thought it would be.

As carefully as I could, I took my arms back from Prim and carefully set her back on the pillows. She exhaled heavily once, smacked her lips, and resumed sleeping soundly. I smiled. Once I was sure she was going to stay asleep when I stood up, I did exactly that. The crick in my neck fixed itself as I walked into the bathroom. The effects of sleep leached away the second I looked into the mirror.

Not only did I look about three or four years younger, I looked more like a _girl_ than I ever had (minus the mutating from the Capitol). Not that looking like a girl was a bad thing, or anything. My pink nightdress that I hadn't worn (ever) before now was crumpled at my knees where a miniscule amount of lace touched it. My lean shoulders—wiry from archery—were bare from the tiny straps of the gown, and hip-length black braids laid disheveled on either side of my head. I had a _figure_, oddly enough; something I'd never really cared to notice.

Making a scoffing noise with my tongue, I stripped off the girly gown and unbraided my messy plaits. Thankfully, when I stopped living in this house a bit ago, I still had the mind to leave some of my clothes, so there were some fresh garments to dress in when I stepped back out of the shower. A set of blue jeans and a white blouse. It felt way too girly for me, but at least the blouse was comfortable. I braided my hair back into one braid and was relieved. At least there was a small bit of me left.

Yawning slightly, I went back into the bedroom. Primrose had flopped onto her stomach and currently had a cat seated on her back, kneading it gently with his ugly orange paws. He glanced my direction and made a guttural noise in his throat, turned around once, and stretched out on his owner's back. Prim didn't budge. I smiled at them both, made Buttercup promise to take care of her, and tiptoed out of the room.

Mother was downstairs, hands curled around a cup of bitter-smelling coffee, bent over a stack of papers. When I came in, she glanced up. I saw that there were blue bags under her eyes. She looked tired.

"Good morning, dear." She said, not getting out of her chair. "Did you sleep well?"

I plucked a shiny piece of fruit out of the bowl on the counter and sat down in front of her. "Yeah. It was…quite restful." Not to mention plagued with guilt and dreams about Peeta being angry at me. "You look exhausted, Mother. Have you been up all night doing…whatever it is that you're doing?"

She smiled weakly at me. "I have very important work to do. There's no time to sleep when all of this has to be read." Her aged blue eyes drifted back down to the papers. "It must be finished by Wednesday…"

"Mother," I reached over and took her cup of coffee, which was very empty. I wondered exactly when she had ran out while putting it in the sink. After I had done that, I took the papers as well. "Get some rest. Just a few hours of sleep. You won't be of any use to the hospital when you're a zombie." I put the papers on the kitchen counter.

Mother, who had stopped looking indignant that I'd taken her coffee and paperwork, smiled weakly a second time. She stood up and let out a fatigued yawn. "You always take care of me, Katniss." My mother patted me fondly on the cheek. "Thank you. I will get some rest." On her way out the kitchen, she paused and looked back at me with a quizzical face on. "Where might _you_ be heading?"

I hesitated, then glanced down at my apple, which was half-eaten. "…Peeta's." I sighed and stood up as well. "I owe him an apology."

"Good girl." Mother laughed quietly, and left with a tired arch to her back. I sighed.

Though I had no appetite, there was no use wasting the rest of my breakfast, so I stayed an extra five minutes to finish it off. But when I was done and had left the kitchen, I hesitated at the front door. It was nice and safe here in my mother's house. I could curl up on the couch with yet another cup of tea, a piece of her homemade bread, and pet Buttercup for the rest of the day, completely denying Peeta existed. Thinking of it like that made me feel incredibly guilty, even more so. Groaning with self-loathing, I slammed my head on the door, opened it, and trudged down the porch steps.

The doorknob of the neighboring house (aka where Peeta and I lived) was cold under my hand as I turned it and stepped in.

It was dark and quiet in the house; all the lights were off and no sounds were emanating from any of the rooms. The only light provided was of the early morning sun peeking through the curtains, dripping a mess of golden color onto the floor and furniture. I knew immediately Peeta was still asleep, not just by the simple facts registered by my senses, but the stillness _everywhere_.

Hesitant of even letting out my breath—therefore disturbing the peace—I took off my shoes at the door and walked up the stairs in clean white socks. I walked up the last step, down the short second-store hallway, and up to our bedroom door. It was closed. I frowned. It was rarely closed when we slept, except of course when… My eye twitched and I shook that away, feeling my face redden. Without any further hesitancy, I opened the door and stepped quietly in.

Peeta was asleep. He was on his stomach and mostly covered with the blankets, but what little I did see of him was bare. He slept without his shirt, of course. Let's hope he was wearing something on the other half. Shaking my head, I bent down to my knees next to the bed, crossing my arms on the mattress in front of me. Peeta's arms were crossed under his head as well, but he was turned towards me. I could see the softness of his features, not-quite-full lips, incredibly long blond lashes, nose that turned up a fraction at the end, caramel-colored freckled scattering his cheekbones and the bridge of his nose. His mouth was open a fraction to breath, exposing strangely white teeth.

I could almost taste his mouth on mine, but just rested my chin on my arms and stared at Peeta. He was…gorgeous, if any other words didn't cover it. Carefully and uncertainly I reached out and brushed my fingers on the edge of his jawbone, feeling the warm skin beneath my fingertips. Almost instantly, Peeta's brows furrowed in his sleep and he sucked in a breath. I withdrew quickly, shrinking away slightly as he appeared almost in pain.

_He was just having a dream_ I reassured myself, and bit my lip as his breathing grew even again and he was soon snoring quietly again. I smiled slightly and sank all the way to the floor into a sitting position. My head probably wasn't visible above the edge of the mattress (it was a tall mattress).

It was a while I sat there, breathing as quietly as I could and listening to my Peeta do the same. I listened to the little snort that came out at every inhale, to the occasional mumble, to the silent shift of the blankets every time his chest rose and fell. This went on for about half an hour, in which the time I was drifting off myself. His loud, tired groan jolted me before the groan of the bed did as he sat up. I let my eyes follow him as he swung his legs over the other side of the bed and stood up. He _was_ wearing pants after all.

As Peeta stretched, wiry muscles popped out on his abdomen and arms. His shiny white-blond hair crackled with static electricity as he swerved his head slowly around, taking in the dull scene before him with tired eyes. What was _really_ hilarious was the double take he did when his eyes grazed over me. He frowned, blinked a few times, and then sighed.

"Katniss," His voice was quiet, hesitant, and apologetic. Peeta sat on the bed near me.

_You were watching me sleep, Katniss, _is what I expected him to say, but I beat him to it. "I'm sorry I was watching you sleep."

To my surprise, a small smile appeared on his lips and he shook his head. Almost as if saying, _haha you don't get it_. "Don't apologize. For anything, Katniss. Got it?" Azure eyes flicked to mine and held their stare.

I was frowning (and inwardly grimacing) when I arched my back to slide onto the bed next to Peeta. "No, I don't 'got it'. I'm still sorry for stuff. Like for staying at Mother's house without telling you. And for screa—"

"Shut up, Katniss." Peeta interrupted me, his voice staying excruciatingly mild. "Please, let me talk."

I zipped my mouth but kept my gaze averted to the floor. Through my peripheral vision I could see him do the same, slouching, with hands on the bed either side next to him. And, using the same peripheral vision, I saw him throw his hands up after five minutes of silence.

"I—" He faltered (something I've rarely ever seen him do), biting his lower lip. Peeta looked frustrated. He sighed. "I don't know, Katniss. I want to repeat everything I said yesterday, but I don't see the point. I don't see the point in hurting you, I don't see the point in repeating things that you already know. I'm tired of watching my attempts sputter and die with every day pass."

"What?" I was actually confused, but I had my eyes back on him.

He paused for a few seconds, then looked sideways at me. "Meet me halfway, Katniss. Please. I'll do anything, I'll _be_ anything you want me to be or do. Anything and everythi—"

It was my turn to interrupt, and I shook my head tiredly. "Please, no lectures today. I don't have the energy to try and work things out right now."

Peeta sighed and threw up his arms a second time. "This is what I'm talking about! You put things off, you—" His words were abruptly cut off, and he smacked himself in the forehead with a hand, where it stayed. "God, I find myself yelling at you every other day. I hate it. I _hate it_." He took several seconds for deep breaths, then took his hand away from his face. "Just come here, Katniss. I missed you last night."

I resisted the urge to slump my shoulders and give him a look of utter disbelief. I didn't get him at all. _Boys_.

"Please, Katniss." Peeta's expression and tone was docile, and he opened his arms. When I let him—very carefully, might I add—hug me, he rested his forehead on the top of my own. "I'm sorry, Katniss. I'm so sorry. I try my best, I try…"

"Shut up, Peeta." Again, it was my turn to scoff at him, and I closed my eyes against him. "No more talking. It's hurting my head."

I felt him nod, but I also felt his hand creep up to the back of my neck. He brushed my braid away from my shoulder gently. And again he brushed it away, but I felt the tips of his fingers get caught at the end, and with a slight tug, it was unraveled.

I felt my throat muscles work to swallow, and I tried to rev up my mind, which was sputtering to a stop. His skin seemed to grow warmer. If I didn't know better, I would have thought he's pitching a fever. Thank goodness I didn't care.

Peeta bent down to kiss me on the forehead, but no sooner after he drew back, he leaned anticlimactically away. "This is hurting my neck, sitting like this."

"Then how should we sit?" It was supposed to be an honest curious question, but it came out more along the lines of…seductive. A _highly_ unattractive snort came bubbling from my nose. That right there pretty much canceled out and seductiveness.

There was a split-second of silence, and then Peeta let out a laugh. "Katniss, you're just…you're just…"

"Yes?" I couldn't help but smile either, though my cheeks were glowing.

Peeta, still grinning, shook his head and drew his legs up onto the bed and turned to face me. "You're just…perfect."

My face fell a bit and I dropped my eyes onto my lap. I had brought my legs up like Peeta's and we were now facing each other. But I wasn't looking at him. "I wish you'd stop saying that. I'm not perfect. Last night can be an example. I scream at you and leave a lot and…have more major mental breakdowns than I'd previously thought possible. I am _not_ perfect."

Peeta made a low, sympathetic noise from the back of his throat and cupped my face in his hands. He wanted me to look at him, but the closest we were getting was leaning in so our foreheads touched. "You are to me."

I closed my eyes. This boy was _not_ normal. My eyes opened again and I peeked up to meet his briefly. "Are you just saying that to get lucky?" My voice was an unintentional whisper.

Silence.

Peeta, who I seemed to have shocked beyond belief, recovered quickly. He cleared his throat. "No, Katniss, never. What put that idea in your head?"

I drew back, unable to make contact with him anymore. My face was a scrunched puddle of worry, notions floating around in my head doing their best to convince me they're real. "I…I don't know." I drew my knees up to my chest and put my chin on them. "I'm trying so hard to find something…flawed about you. Every other boy I know—_knew—_was completely different, and was completely _not_ perfect. I wish you could be less unreal, yell at me some more, be an arrogant pervert, say the wrong thing, convince me I'm not just in some crazy dream and I'm going to wake up one day finding myself standing on the edge of a cliff again."

Misunderstanding. Enlightenment. Surprise. Hilarity. I watched Peeta's facial expressions morph back and forth, finally setting on normal again. He paused for a long while before he licked his lips and eyed me for clarity. "You want me to be an arrogant pervert. And to yell at you. And be a complete jerk sometimes. To prove to you that I am a perfectly normal teenage boy and you are a perfectly normal teenage girl and we are a perfectly normal couple with perfectly normal problems because you don't think any of this could possibly occur to someone like you."

I nodded. He hit it right on the nail head.

There was a long pause.

Taking a breath, he drew his hands back and rubbed them together. "I think I can do that."

I raised my eyebrows at him in cynical expectance. _Well?_

Silence for another ten minutes. Peeta seemed to be thinking really hard and fighting with himself. Finally he leaned forwards with a slight twinkle in his eyes. "If it makes you feel better, I think about our sex life _all the time_."

An unexpected (and rather loud) nose of exasperation sputtered from my mouth and I threw my hands into the air. "What the heck, Peeta!" I got off the bed—hands still in the air—and attempted to walk out the door. But as quick as lightning, Peeta was there behind me. He gripped my upper arms with both his hands, spun me around, and pressed me against the wall next to the door.

"I'm a total idiot, Katniss." He looked as if stating a fact, a very urgent fact, but looked as though it was new to him as well, almost as if he's just now realizing it. "I'm not perfect because I don't think before I speak. I'm a total idiot and I make mistakes and I'm funny in the head and I'm…" Peeta paused, looking like he was about to explode, then let out his breath and looked me straight in the eyes with a sparkle that could put the stars to shame. "I'm…completely in love with you."

My lungs shrank inward, letting out a pathetic squeak. There he goes again, saying the right thing. Being perfect and beautiful and I wouldn't have him any other way. A small laugh burst from my throat and a thousand things came to my mind to say. One decided to surface. "You _are_ an idiot." And he kissed me.

Warm hands curled behind my neck and I could taste the salt on Peeta's tongue, more alive and real than anything. His eyelashes fluttered close, tickling mine in the process. Legs turned to jelly and hearts turned to racehorses as I threatened to give away completely against his touch. I gripped Peeta's shoulders for balance (and to pull him closer), but eventually I had to warn him.

"P-Peeta," I managed to get through between kisses. "I'm about to collapse."

There was a moment when both of us were laughing, mouths an inch away.

"Sorry," he grinned and—expertly, as though he had done it a hundred times—exchanged places with me and slid down the wall. We well perfectly, interlocked like puzzle pieces. I was still laughing. It was light and semi-quiet, but Peeta couldn't kiss me without me giggling into his mouth.

"I'm sorry." I bit my lip, trying not to laugh. It was hard. "I guess I find the whole thing funny. You're just…_really _an idiot."

Peeta raised his eyebrows at me, highly amused. "I wasn't joking, Katniss. About _any_ of those things."

My laughing had quieted down to a seemingly-permanent smile, and I dropped my gaze down to my hands in thought.

I was straddling Peeta, my legs on either side of his. My fingers were curled lightly around his upper arms, and his were resting on my hips. Totally intimate position, but both of us were motionless, lost in though.

After a minute or so, I glanced up. "You're really bad at pretending to be an arrogant pervert."

A crooked grin spread across Peeta's face. "That wasn't pretending." His face had gotten a bit pink, but the boyish grin didn't falter. "That was the truth. I _do_ think about it a lot."

I lifted my chin, almost defensively. "Or lack thereof."

"Exactly." Peeta shifted me on his lap, both hands resting nonchalantly on my thighs. He looked thoughtful. "And I was thinking h—"

I put my hand over his mouth and shook my head. "I don't need to know what you were thinking, Peeta. If it has anything to do with the previous topic, I _really_ don't need to know."

He winked. _Boys_.

Sighing slightly (while smiling, of course), I braced myself on the floor and began to stand up. Peeta's hands on my shoulders made me sit back down. He sighed and shook his head.

"Where are you going? I don't understand you… You tell me to be a jerk, but you get angry when I am. You tell me to be a pervert, but only let us make out for like _five seconds_." He looked half amused, half exasperated, and put his hands on either side of my face. "What do you want from me?"

I was silent for a few seconds, considering the number of possible answers I could say. I didn't know which one to use, so I faltered a lot. "I want you to-to close your mouth and…and…."

Peeta apparently felt the need to fill in that little blank. He kissed me.

I felt Peeta's hands slid down behind my knees, pulling me closer to him. I could feel him on me, around me; I could taste his breath in my own throat, his heartbeat raging madly in my own chest, his hands sliding on the material of my blouse. I knew this wasn't going further than this. Not only would I not _let_ him go further, but it was just…obvious. Though the heat of our fire was all around, his touch was gentle and I could feel the unspoken words with my fingers on his face. Though, there was no doubt he would reassure me that he indeed has longings. I wonder how on earth he controls them.

Peeta's fingers tightened into fists on my waist, clenching and unclenching. His breath was rough as he slipped in a gasp every now and then, but even I had to pause when I felt his slim fingers trail from my waist up the small buttons of my blouse. With a shudder running up my body, I pulled away right when I felt the first button undo. He had one hand knotted in my hair, the other tugging at my shirt. When he felt me pull away slightly, his eyes opened and bottle-blue stared at me with a slightly drunken look.

"Is this okay?" He whispered, and I knew what he meant.

My breathing was ragged and all I could think about for a minute was the taste of him still on my lips. I was able to nod, but not able to much else. Peeta's careful artist fingers looped around another button and undid it. Another one. I was dizzy and my stomach felt a little sick, but the good kind of sick. The kind that makes you want to groan, but tugged at you temptingly. I wasn't sure whether to feel grateful or not I remembered to put something on under the blouse. When all the buttons were undone and the white shirt hung loose, I could feel Peeta's warm fingers slip under its material at my shoulders. Wanting only to melt away into a peaceful oblivion, I brought my arms backwards and let the blouse fall. Suddenly, something in me tugged uncomfortably and I paused for a miniscule amount of time, then let him press me against him again.

Without really wanting to, I paused again. "You said—" I panted, momentarily breaking free of the alluring pull of Peeta's kisses. "You asked me what I wanted,"

"Anything," Peeta murmured. He touched the side of my face with his hand, eyes just opening. "Anything you want. I promise."

"I want…" I swallowed. I wasn't sure if I should say this, but my mind had already 80% recovered from the high he caused. "I want…you to understand." Breaking away from Peeta's arms, I stood up and backed away slightly.

He seemed to be in shock. His mouth was open partway, eyebrows raised in surprise. He didn't seem like he was fully conscious yet. "U-Understand what, exactly?"

"Understand that I…finally figured it out, and… I want you to understand that I'm not going to…stay." The decision was split-second and I wasn't sure whether or not I regretted it right away. My words were stammering and hard to make out, and I took a deep breath. "I'm…not going to-to live here…anymore…"

Peeta's eyes widened a fraction and he stood up, completely aware now. "What-What happened? Was it something I did to you just then or, or was it something else? Something you just now realized? Did I hurt you?"

I leaned against the wall, trying to ignore the fact that I could still taste him everywhere around me. "It's not you, Peeta. You didn't hurt me or do anything bad to me, it's—" I let Peeta put his hands on my arms. "It's the exact opposite."

He was looking confused and concerned, nervously licking his lips. "I still don't understand."

"I figured it out." I continued, still hesitant of looking Peeta in the eyes. "Why I'm like this. I don't even know how, or even if I'm right, but within two seconds we paused and I looked into your eyes, I learned."

Peeta looked like he was dying, and his eyes were begging me to tell him.

"You're too much of a reminder to me." I wanted it to come out as gentle as possible, and I gripped his hands in mine. "I love you more than…more than I would have ever guessed in my entire life, but every time I'm having…one of 'those' days, I look at you and everything seems to rewind and crumble back down. You're amazing and sweet and do everything right, helping me and doing your best to be absolutely perfect, but if this is going to work out, we need to do it right. From the start."

He looked half confused, have dubious. "Like…like what we were talking about before?"

"That, too, but…more." I took a deep breath and bit my swollen lip. "To start _completely_ over. I need to…" My eyes opened slowly, and I understood. What I was saying, what I needed, everything. It all suddenly slid into place, sending my breath sucking back into me.

Peeta looked frightened.

"I need to fall in love with you again. The right way." Quickly so I couldn't have time to regret it, I pulled away from him and backed quickly towards the door. "This will work, Peeta, I promise. But I can't…be with you like this anymore." I paused. "But…there's something I need you to do for me."

He took a step closer to me and wiped away the worried, slightly hurt look. He closed his eyes and for a split-second, I could see it take over. But it was gone as fast as it came. Peeta opened his eyes again and looked at me. Nothing was said by him.

"I'm going to want you to be there. Not…no, that's not the right way to phrase it…" My roll was faltering, and I pressed two fingers to my temples, eyebrows scrunched. "I want you not to give up. On me."

"I would never do that." Peeta said to me gently, and seemed to think better of reaching out to take my hands again. "I'll be there, I promise. When you're ready. Before that. I'll always be there." He smiled, even through the sadness of his expression. "If that's what you want."

I swallowed and nodded, smiling as well. "I'm not sure. I don't know if this is the right thing or not… I have no idea. But…thanks, Peeta."

He bent over and picked up my blouse, which was lying in a crumpled heap on the floor. Still saying nothing, I let him help me into it and button it back up.

"Well…" He put his hands in his pockets and looked at me with an expression that made him seem five years older. A man. "I guess you're serious this time."

I nodded again, but instead of saying anything, I reached up and put my arms around his neck. Peeta squeezed me tightly, but unlike the last time I decided to start fresh, this didn't feel like the end. Of us, of our life, of…everything. It didn't feel like the end. It felt more like…the beginning. Of what, I had _no_ idea. Of something. I buried my face into Peeta's sweet-smelling blond hair and sighed. It's the beginning that takes the longest to finish. And understand.

What the _heck_ was I doing?

**oOo**

_PHEW. That took forEVER. But before I go any further, I need to say HANG IN HERE. I went back and read the ending part and I must say that…if it wasn't why it was, I would say it sucked. It sounds just like a stupid filler, and just like last time when it didn't work out at all. But I promise you, this time it is real and I beg of you not to think it's awful and give up on me. It's for a reason, as is everything else. It was not only "necessary" but a major part of the story. If I liked giving secrets away, I'd tell you guys exactly why I did it and what I have planned. But sadly, I don't like giving secrets away, so you'll just have to bear with me. And please don't kill me, Hannah! This is for the good of mankind. Mmm visions of Peeta-plums are dancing in my head. It must be Christmas. :D_


	39. Chapter 39

_You guys were so sweet in your reviews! I was very, very happy. But of course, that doesn't matter. You people were very, very happy. That was good, definitely. So, thank you thank you thank you, and I promise it's worth it all! I promise! But anyways, virtual cookies to all of my wonderful people out there, and enjoy this chapter!_

**oOo**

Peeta was wonderful throughout all of it. He didn't complain or even talk a whole lot as he helped me move my clothes back over to Mother's house. It was somewhat degrading moving back in with your mom, but no one said anything negative. Mother and Prim didn't ask any questions as we took all my stuff back into my old room. Though Prim looked suspicious and a little sympathetic, she kept her lips sealed.

Into my old room went all of my clothes (including my hunting clothes, which Peeta offered to carry). I didn't own any possessions really, so that was all I had to take. Peeta asked about the framed photo of Annie, Finnick and Jace, but I declined that. It could wait there, keep him company. He smiled at that, but made me take a picture he painted. Of us. It was on original Peeta move, and I took it gratefully and hung it right above my dresser.

It felt odd, though. Like it was missing something. It was _way_ too tidy. The other room had two-week-old laundry draped over chairs, and the bed was never made, wardrobe doors never quite all the way closed. I had some serious messing up to do.

When we were all the way done with the moving, Mother made us all some lemonade (a rare treat) and we sat down on the couches. I could see it in their eyes, the questions they wanted me to answer without them bringing it up first. I knew automatically that Prim, being Prim, would wait until Mother and Peeta were somewhere else, and then ask me. I was still unsure of what happened, and until I knew for sure what, I wasn't going to go into any in-depth explanations for my actions. All I know is that it actually happened, and it wasn't a couple rash words that were ignored a minute later.

Peeta knew their looks as well, except he must not have understood that I didn't want to talk. His smile was for all of us, and he stood up. "I'll take the glasses back into the kitchen."

Primrose and Mother thanked him, handed him their glasses, and I did the same. He gave me a small, encouraging smile as well, and then left for the kitchen.

The very second the door swung closed behind him, two pairs of eyes turned to me and Primrose actually got up to sit next to me. She bit her lip and looked up at me sympathetically. "Have you two been…arguing more?"

I resisted the urge to sigh. Turning my gaze unto Mother, she reached over and patted my knee kindheartedly. Now that they were both focused on me, and Peeta can only take so long standing around in the kitchen, I knew I had to answer.

"I—" I furrowed my brows. "No, we haven't. Thing have been…alright, actually. I just decided that it's necessary for me to start over if I'm ever going to be sane again. To put it short."

There was a silence. Primrose broke it with an optimistic smile.

"Well, it's great that you're going to stay with us again! We missed you." She grinned, but got distracted by her cat coming into the room, fuzzy tail held high, waddling on his fat little legs.

Mother laughed at Buttercup, which had just hopped up onto the sofa next to Prim, then turned back to me. "Are you two still…?" She searched for the appropriate word, face turning a slow shade of red as she came up blank.

"That, we haven't worked out." I grimaced slightly. "I have no idea. Literally. I don't know what I'm doing." Exhaling loudly, I pulled my knees up to my chest and put my hands on my forehead.

My family stayed silent. Primrose had her thin arm around me, and Mother was staring at me with her usual concerned parental gaze. I was actually really relieved when Peeta came out of the kitchen. I was beginning to think he was taking an extraordinarily long time putting away the dishes, but in his hands was a giant plate of fresh cookies. The kind he could whip up in fifteen minutes and still taste like heaven.

He set the plate down on the coffee table and took his seat next to me. "I thought this would hearten the mood a bit."

It sure fixed Primrose right away. She grinned, thanked Peeta, and reached out for a cookie. Mother did the same, but she just held it. I guess I had no choice but to take one, too. It was peanut butter. There was a silence in which Primrose and Peeta acted perfectly fine, sitting back munching on the treats. But Mother, who seemed to still have some unanswered questions, cleared her throat a minute later.

"So," She laced her hands on her lap, the cookie being squeezed in between. "Do you plan on opening up the bakery to regular hours now that…your schedule's cleaned up a bit?"

"I do." Peeta nodded in thought, and then cocked his head slightly to the left. "Though they got a new bakery up on the east side of town. Since mine was closed all the time." He smiled slightly. "I've got competition."

"Or you both can just do your own thing separately and not try to compete at all." I suggested, not keen on having Peeta vie with anyone or anything.

I earned myself looks from all three of them. My mouth shut and I didn't open it again for a while.

It was eleven o'clock, and somehow we got into the topic of a garden. A large vegetable garden was in talks, most likely being placed behind Mother's and Peeta's house. The crops would be equally shared if they were equally tended, a whole bunch of stuff about this 'equal' thing. I had to admit I doubted that it was actually going to happen, mostly because Mother was so busy. She worked every day except Sunday, but she occasionally got a day off, depending on the amount of doctors and nurses available. So it was iffy, and doubtable that she would have enough time. That and since Peeta's starting up the bakery full-time now… I shook my head. Merely dreams.

I guessed the cookies and lemonade was breakfast, because pretty much all we did was sitting in the living room chatting lightly to one another. Well, I didn't talk much but that was okay with everyone, or they would have forced me into the conversation more. We (they) talked about gardens, the bakery, the hospital, mainly about working and stuff like that. At the hospital, Mother had gotten appointed to head of the apothecary branch of the hospital. She was deal with the herbal and natural kind of relief and healing, whereas Prim was being an apprentice in the normal doctor department. She apprenticed twice a week, and was learning more and more. Though she knew more than the average 14-year-old in the terms of medicine and doctoring, there was no actual paying job involved until she turned sixteen.

Mother beamed at Prim the entire time she told of exactly what she did with the nurses and doctors. She told us of one of the patients she was assigned to. His name was Benj Erik, and he had his foot crushed by a cow when he was tending to his. There was barely anybody with cows around District 12, so I narrowed it down in my head to the farm some three miles away. The owner—Benj, it was apparent—had moved here when it was open back in October and started a farm. He sold some of the best milk anyone had ever tasted, but other than that, no one really sees him around.

Prim told us of the stories he had told _her_. About back in District one. There wasn't proper terrain to raise any kind of livestock, so he was forced into the low-paying common job of eleven: precious metals. He worked as a diamond cutter until the revolution started (he was rooting for me the whole time, Prim assured us) when he escaped to Thirteen like most everyone. I was under the impression that this guy had told Prim his life story. She seemed to enjoy his company by the way she talked about him.

Lunch was light and fast, and at twelve, we were still talking. But suddenly, Mother looked up at the clock on the wall. Upon seeing it was a little past noon, she tutted her tongue in a flustered way and stood up. "Oh, dear, I was going to call Aurelis an hour ago…"

My head, which was beginning to droop with boredom, lifted back up curiously. "Who's that?"

Mother, who flinched, made a face that looked as though she just now remember she wasn't supposed to say anything at all. She bit her lip and turned around, composure regained. "He's a doctor that got in contact with us when we were back in District 13. He was there when you were under critical watch."

I nodded, the gears working in my head. She said it carefully, as if hiding something. I looked back up and pressed on. "Is he just a normal doctor or…?"

She closed her eyes, defeated, but only allowed a second to look that way. "He's a mental stability doctor. A therapist." Then she went into defense when I didn't say anything. "When you were still unconscious in the hospital, he was the one that had been keeping in touch with us, warning us of everything that could go wrong. He said you'd be insecure and horribly unstable for a while. He made me promise to keep an eye on you, restrict you to the house for the first few months, and call him every week for an update."

For some reason, I felt violated. She never bothered to tell me that I had a professional therapist keeping track of my every move. I clenched my teeth slightly, and unclenched them, doing my best not to get any more upset than I already was. "Anything else kept from me?"

I felt Peeta put his hand on my arm warningly. I shrugged it away, staring at my mother.

There was silence for a few seconds, and then Mother shrugged in and attempt of nonchalance. "You have an appointment with him on Thursday."

My jaw dropped and I put my hands on my hips. "And when were you planning on telling me this?"

She lifted her eyebrows at the wall in false musing. She looked at me again. "Thursday." And then walked out with a defiant motherly step to her walk.

I threw up my hands and made a noise of exasperation, beginning to stand up. But Peeta's hand on my arm again stopped me. He patted me comfortingly. "She's your mother, Katniss. Dr. Aurelis has been there to help you."

"You knew about it?" I shouted in disbelief. Though I'd abandoned trying to get up and stop out, I made another noise of frustration and glared at him. "How come everyone knows everything about me that I don't? How come no one _told_ me?"

"Because you'd act this way." His voice remained calm.

I was forced to sit back and breathe, no longer allowed to freak because of Peeta's good reasoning. Through clenched teeth, I sighed and said, "I'm sorry I yelled at you."

"You're fine." He reassured me, and let go of my arm.

There was silence between the three of us—Prim, Peeta and I—for a while. The muted hush of voices came from the kitchen, a few laughs occasionally. Ten minutes later, Mother came back from the kitchen. She glanced at me (who is pouting, of course) and sat back down in her chair.

"I was actually going to tell you tomorrow, but I'm sorry you acted that way." She said, and then abruptly changed the subject before I could say anything. "You should probably call Annie and Jace to give them the news and if you want them to have a heads up."

I sighed. "Yeah." Looking back at Peeta, I managed a miniscule smile. "You coming?" It _was _the news of out engagement, after all. He smiled back and came.

The yellow-ish phone was hanging on the wall opposite the sink, and I picked it up, dialing the number I'd dialed many times by now. Thankfully, the lines were no longer tapped so the conversations were just as private as they would have been originally. It rang a couple times, and then someone picked up. I put it on speakerphone, but the other end was full of noise.

I frowned to Peeta, and he frowned back.

A baby was screaming, and two people were talking over the baby. Two seconds later, Finnick's voice came from the receiver. "Sorry about that. Who is this?"

I couldn't help but smile a tiny bit, because he sounded exasperated over his baby son. "Hey, Finnick. It's me." I glanced at Peeta next to me. "…And Peeta."

"Oh, hey!" Finnick had given me some slack ever since I delivered his son, Jace, all by myself. He wasn't near as arrogant now he had a family. "So, you're calling, and both of you are here this time. I take it there's some news? A baby on the way?"

I faltered, only because he caught me off guard. "N-No, Finnick. No. But there _is_ news." Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Peeta shaking his head amusedly.

From the other end, we heard a small clatter and a muffled exchange of words. Annie's soft voice came from the other end instead of Finnick's this time. "Katniss? Peeta?"

We both said hi. I felt my palm grow itchy and my hand felt like it weighed a ton, just because of the ring. It shouldn't be such a big deal, but still.

Jace started crying in the background. Annie calmed him. "Shh, shh…" Her voice grew a smidge louder as she directed the talking to us again. "News?"

"Um…" I exchanged a glance with Peeta, thinking of how to phrase this without sounding cliché. "We're, uh…"

Peeta took over smoothly. "Though you're not the first to know, Katniss and I are getting married. We don't know quite when, yet, but we needed to let you know."

Exclamations from both Finnick and Annie clogged the other line, as well as whining from their son.

"Congratulations! I'm so happy." Annie said, sounding genuine, and then put the phone away from her mouth to hush Jace.

There was a rustle as Finnick took the phone. "It's about time. Are we invited?"

"That's why we're calling." I rolled my eyes, though I knew he couldn't see it.

Annie, who had successfully shushed her son, came back. "How is that going to work?"

We exchanged glances.

"We're not really sure, but—" Peeta began, but I interrupted.

"If you could come early to help decide that, it'd be great." I made a split-second decision, and looked at Peeta for his approval. He was giving me a look, half-exasperated, half-laughing. "If you can make it."

Again, we heard quiet talking on the other end, but muffled as if they put the receiver to their shirt. A few seconds later, the phone crackled and they came back.

"Annie has an appointment on Tuesday, but we can come any time after that. Wednesday?"

Peeta and I looked at each other, but it was him that agreed. "Yeah, that's fine."

"It shouldn't be too hard to hitch a hovercr—God, Jace, stop squirming!" Finnick made a noise of frustration, and then his wife scolded him. Jace kept crying. "We'll talk to you Wednesday, okay?"

Both Peeta and I said 'okay', and ending on one last goodbye-scream from Jace, the other end clicked off. Beeping filled our ears.

Peeta hung the phone up and sighed. There was a moment of silence between us, and I could tell her really, really wanted to do something else other than just stand there. His eyes reached out to me. I had to turn away, forcing myself to keep my promise to myself.

Wordlessly, we walked back into the living room together, only to find Mother and Prim huddled together with concerned looks on their faces, voices low. When they saw us come in, they leaned back out conspicuously.

"They're coming Wednesday." I said, plopping myself down onto the couch, eyeing them wordlessly for answers.

None came. Mother just straightened her back and put on a slightly false smile, telling me that there was not a snowballs chance in hell she'd tall me. _Mothers_. "That's excellent! So soon…"

Prim acted exactly like her mother. "So that takes care of them, but what about Ivy and Ca—?"

"Ivy and Caroline!" I said suddenly, remembering something that smacked me in the forehead. "They're coming for dinner tonight!" I turned to Peeta, my eyes open in sudden stress. "We haven't even…even…"

He put his hand on my arm reassuringly and rolled his eyes. "We still have three hours. No need to stress, Katniss."

I made a guttural noise of annoyance and stood up. Before I made it all the way to the door, though, I turned back around and eyed Mother and Prim a second time. "Don't think I didn't catch that, either."

Mother waved her hand as a dismissal. "Have fun, you two."

Feeling like the world was against me, I let Peeta take me gently by the elbow and steer me out of the door, scowling at the floor. Therapy, Finnick and Annie coming, everything is happening in one week! Sheesh. The world _was_ against me. Sighing, I glanced up at Peeta. He smiled back down. Well, maybe not him. I hoped.

**oOo **

_I have news, everybody! I'm getting a new story out, but this time it isn't just by me alone. I have been collaborating with another author, mancpotter, and we came up with the first chapter of a HG fanfiction, and I'm posting it as my story. It's drama/angst, right after the Games, Katniss chooses Gale, Peeta is really upset and distraught, but Gale's doing everything he can against Peeta. That's a pretty bad summary, but you get the basics. Please read it and, of course, review!_


	40. Chapter 40

_Happy 40__th__ chapter everybody! It's been so long… Huh. Not really, actually, but it feels like it, don't you think? I started this…January 27__th__ if I'm correct (four days before my birthday, yay) and already 40 chapters, roughly 122000 words, and 227 in! Not bad, guys, not bad. And it wouldn't have been anywhere near that long without every single one of you! So thankyouthankyouthankyou and keep up the extremely morale-boosting reviews! I'm tickled pink every time I get two of them. Hehe. So, read and enjoy!_

**oOo**

I wasn't quite sure exactly how to act with Caroline and Ivy over. It was half an hour before four, and I realized that they were under the impression that Peeta and I was a thoroughly happy couple that was getting married soon. We _were_ getting married soon, however…we weren't necessarily a 'happy couple'. In fact, I made it clear that we weren't really a couple at all until I got my bearings and became saner. And I wouldn't count screaming my head off at him nearly every night "happy".

Dinner tonight was going to be spaghetti and garlic bread, so the preparing shouldn't take too long. Since I wasn't much of a cook, I left Peeta to that and walked about the house, tidying things up as I went. As I walked, I wondered exactly why we're choosing to let these two perfect strangers into our plans. It didn't make much sense at the time, but they seemed nice enough. Probably one of those families hovering on the line of the Seam people, but still lived in town, not enough money to exactly be a "town family" but having more than the Seam people. Caroline seemed weary and exhausted every time we saw her, giving us a fair reason to believe she's a single mother, working extremely hard just to afford food for her and Ivy. I had no idea about any of those guesses. They were just guesses, after all.

I was mopping up the bathroom when there was a knock on the door. Storing the mop back in the closet and wiping my bleach-smelling hand on my trousers, I went to answer. But Peeta beat me to it. Giving me an encouraging smile before he did it, he turned the knob and opened our house into the summer-smelling dusk. And standing on our porch, looking nervous and hesitant, was Caroline, holding the hand of Ivy.

Immediately, the sight of the little girl made the house seem a whole lot warmer. She was wearing a white-and-pink-checkered dress (with a small stain down the front) with her flaming hair in two braids. Her face was priceless, though. Ivy's mouth was a perfect "O" shape, celery green eyes as wide as dinner plates, staring at the enormity of Peeta's house. When the door opened, she made a noise of awe and giggled, grinning up at Peeta (they seemed better friends).

"Come on in." I ushered them inside, only because Peeta was too busy grinning back at Ivy.

As Caroline walked past, holding her daughters' hand, I could feel the waves of nervousness and uncertainty pouring out of her in waves.

"I-I'm sorry." She said awkwardly, glancing around for a clock. "It took us a bit to find your house. I-I think we're a few minutes late."

Peeta dismissed this with a wave of his hand. "Only by five minutes. You're alright. How are you two doing?" He invited them to sit down, and they did.

"We're…ah…we're doing good, thank you." Caroline's tension seemed eased a bit, but only just. When Ivy reached for the ceramic vase sitting on the coffee table, it spiked again. "Ivy, honey, don't touch."

"It's alright." And as if to prove his point, Peeta picked us the vase and gave her a closer look. "It was here when we got here. It hasn't been full of flowers in ages."

The two guests nodded, but had lost interest fast.

I was feeling somewhat uncomfortable standing there a little ways from the nearest couch. "Would you like something to drink?" I offered.

Ivy was about to jump up and say something, but her mother stopped her.

"Water's fine, thank you." She bit her lip and gave me a timid smile.

"You sure?" I asked, thinking hard for anything else drinkable we have in the fridge. "We have…lemonade. And orange juice, if you want."

Both of their faces went into momentary shock. I'd forgotten fruit was a real delicacy here in 12, and before the Games I've only ever had a slice of an orange. Orange _juice_ was practically unheard of.

Caroline stuttered, cheeks reddening, but Ivy jumped up and down excitedly.

"Orange juice, orange juice!" She squealed, her toddler language turning her "r"s into "w"s.

Her mother laughed a little but, then glanced up at me, embarrassed. "L-Lemonade, then. I guess. Please."

I nodded at them and smiled at Ivy, who looked like she was about to wet her trousers in excitement. Without saying anything else, I left the three sitting there in the living room.

In the kitchen, I took out four plastic cups (glass seemed intimidating for those who don't use them regularly) and poured the drinks. I brought Ivy's and Caroline's out to them first, and then sat by Peeta with ours. We watched in amusement as Ivy slurped hers down noisily, getting it all over her chin and nose. Caroline looked about ready to die out of mortification.

It was quiet and awkward for a few minutes until the ding of the oven saved us.

Peeta stood up. "That would be the garlic bread." He offered to take our cups and all three of us handed ours to him with thanks. Then he went off to the kitchen.

"Well… Dinner's ready." I stood up stiffly, trying a small smile at the other two.

Caroline put her hand on her daughter's back. "Come on, baby, let's go get you washed up."

It looked like a good idea, seeing as how 75% of Ivy's face was covered in sticky juice.

"The bathroom is just right over there." I pointed, and couldn't help but smiling slightly at the toddler.

I was thanked and they left to clean up. I went into the kitchen to see how Peeta was getting along.

The tray of sizzling garlic bread was cooling on the counter, and the table was being set. I got out some silverware and helped Peeta divvy it up among the table settings. He glanced up.

"Ivy's face was precious when you offered her orange juice."

I couldn't help but laugh, too. "I know. I keep forgetting District 12 is still the same District 12 to everyone else. Good fortune and wealth ad freedom did not come automatically. Juice isn't exactly common here."

He shrugged, but didn't say anything.

The table was set and the food was steaming, ready to be served up. Caroline and Ivy came back from just in time, freshly washed and looking somewhat more comfortable. Upon seeing the meal, Ivy made a noise of amazement. Peeta laughed and pulled the chair out for me to sit in. What a gentleman. Caroline was about to sit, too, when she frowned over at the chair her daughter was supposed to sit in. Except Ivy's eyes just barely went over the top of the table.

Peeta laughed again. "That is why we week a dictionary or two around." He vanished out of the door and came back a moment later with an armful of giant reference books I didn't even know we _had_. After Peeta set them on the chair, Ivy crawled up and giggled. The perfect height.

Everyone seated themselves and the food was dished out. Upon request, Peeta poured Ivy some more orange juice, then the rest o us some. We ate in silence for a while, the only conversation was between the clatter of our dishes. At a lull in the eating, Caroline unexpectedly set down her silverware and looked up.

"Why—i-if I can ask—Why did you…" She stumbled, looking unsure of herself. "Why are we doing this? Why us?" Caroline motioned to her daughter. "We're no one, really. And you two are…well…probably the most famous people in Panem."

Unfortunately, Peeta had just taken a bite of food, so he couldn't answer. But that was probably the best, because I was the one with the right answer.

I looked down at my hands and paused for a moment. Then, taking a breath, I glanced back up with instability weighing on my chest. "I think, well…"I grimaced. Was the absolute truth about how I felt about it right? Even though it _was_ a bit…personal. I took another breath. "Well, I may or may not be able to have children, and Ivy…well, who couldn't love her?"

Ivy, who had accidentally spilled some spaghetti down her dress, was looking mournful at her lap, lips pouted slightly.

"It…" I dropped my gaze and swallowed. "It gets lonely out here sometimes."

Peeta's jaw was slack, eyes wide and slightly sorrowful. Obviously, he didn't expect me to say what I've been trying to admit for quite some time. The hand that was holding his fork was trembling, so he set the utensil down.

Caroline's eyes were closed. "I didn't realize…" She inhaled deeply and looked up at me. "I-I'm so sorry. I wouldn't have…thought…"

I waved it off, feeling a little sad on the inside. "We're adjusting. Most of the…friends we'd usually do…um…these types of things with…" I think it was time for Peeta to take over the talking. I was getting tongue-tied. And thankfully, he _did_.

"They didn't make the two years. Things happened, and we lost nearly everyone we knew here before." Peeta frowned then nodded, gaze dropped back to his food.

"Oh…Oh, I'm s-sorry…" Caroline made a sympathetic tutting sound. She seemed upset. "We're from District 4. We came when District 13 made it an open option. It was just us, and we were looking for a fresh start."

I wanted so badly to ask what happened to the father, but I refrained.

There was a pause between us four, in which our plates were scraped clean. Caroline had wiped the spaghetti off of Ivy's dress with a napkin, and then used another to get the sauce off her face. When all of that was done, there wasn't much else to do. After Peeta put our plates in the sink, there was really no choice but to go back to the living room. And funnily enough, when we did, Ivy ditched her mother to go sit in between me and Peeta. She grinned and giggled at her mother, teasingly waving her legs back and forth. Caroline just shook her head at her daughter.

"When exactly _is_ your wedding?" She asked a second later, eyebrows furrowing.

"Eh… We don't' really know." I glanced down at Ivy, who was singing quietly to herself. "We haven't figured that out yet."

"Soon." Peeta said, giving me a small smile, that only I could tell the real meaning behind it. "Really soon."

I was feeling quite accomplished right now. So far, things were going pretty good, and it didn't even really matter that we weren't necessarily "together" right now.

Caroline seemed genuinely happy. "Oh, that'd great! Do you two have a guest list or… How far into planning are you?"

Not really at all. "Um…"

"We're not the best at planning weddings." Peeta made a matter-of-face face.

Aye-aye, Captain Obvious.

"All we know is that…" I racked my brains for the stuff we had talked about with Mother the other day. "Well, the guest list is small. Only eight people so far, including you two and my family."

"But we've been considering having the initial vows open. And open ceremony." Peeta looked thoughtful.

I scowled in annoyance. I _still_ didn't like that idea, but Caroline seemed even more excited now.

"That's an _excellent_ idea!" She nodded encouragingly. "Because now about every single person in the entire town knows, and people want to know details. They want to be included."

Gritting my teeth, I glared sideways at Peeta. He wasn't supposed to mention that. Peeta ignored me, but Caroline caught my dislike of the plan.

"You give people hope, Katniss."She looked down at her hands and back up at us. "You may not realize it, but things are going pretty terrible back in town. Normally, the Capitol supplies everything for the shops, but since they fell, people have been adjusting with fending for themselves completely. Things have gotten ten times worse. People all around are hungry, and even those who do have the occasional coin to spare, they often come home empty-handed." A flush of embarrassment crossed her face. Then it was gone, replaced by longing/encouragement. "When the rumor crossed District 12, it's something to grasp and be excited for. Something good in the midst of everything bad. We're anxious for the great wedding."

I could practically hear the capital letters in "great" and "wedding". But that isn't what made my head bow in defeat, and my throat get stopped with a sorrowing lump. I had _no idea_ things were that bad. I had no idea people were starving when my family had enough to eat, enough money for…pretty much everything. We're sitting here, having the times of our lives while people _died_ out there. I felt ashamed and tiny, against the world around me, which was fighting for their lives. I think it was about then I vowed to become closer to these two people sitting around me, and to help them out with any means possible.

I cleared my throat and opened my eyes again. And it was only then I found tears blurring my vision. I wasn't sure what to say to that, but I was saved by little Ivy, who had gotten bored. She made a noise in the back of her throat and tugged on the sleeve of my blouse. Without even thinking, I put my arm around her, feeling the tiny, warm body bouncing next to me with boredom.

Peeta let in a breath. "I…" He paused, and then stood up. "I'll be right back." And he made his way to the bathroom, and I could just barely see his hands shaking again.

Ivy tugged at my sleeve again.

"Hm?" I glanced down at her, feeling quite a bit warmer and more maternal.

"Where are your princess dresses?" She asked, glancing around for emphasis. Then she gasped a tiny, 4-year-old gasp. "Do you have a closet?"

I just adored how she couldn't say her "r"s right. "They're in the basement, actually." I blinked once, in thought. I hadn't gone down there in…a year? It had been ages, I had almost forgotten about the dresses that were probably collecting dust.

Ivy just wiggled some more, tucking her legs under her and bouncing on them, grinning up at me. "Dress up, dress up!"

"Ivy, dear," her mother scolded, looking hesitant. Her eyes flickered to me with uncertainty, whether she should discourage Ivy or not.

I wasn't even sure what made me agree, but instead of refusing, I nodded. "It's alright." I looked down at Ivy, who looked like she'd just won the lottery. "You want to…go see them?"

She just couldn't take it anymore. Letting out a high-pitched squeal of laughter, Ivy wiggled out of my arms and hopped down from the couch, then jumped around in front of me, laughing. There wasn't anything for me to do except laugh, too. She had the same effect on me that Prim did. No matter what, she could worm a smile or laugh from me.

I put my hands on my knees and stood up, seeing Caroline do the same. "Well, the basement is over h—" I paused, looking down at Ivy who seemed to want to say something.

Puckering those cherry lips of hers, she stretched out her arms up to me, hopping slightly in place. Furrowing my brows slightly, I glanced at Caroline. She just looked amused and a little tired, nodding her head a bit.

Carefully, unsure of what to do, I slid my arms under Ivy's and lifted her. She was heavier than I'd expected, maybe about the weight of a large dog. I let out an "oof" of surprise, frowning as I hefted her higher. She giggled and rolled with laughter, clutching my neck with her chubby toddler arms. My heart did a small somersault and I let in a sharp breath. What was this? Is this what it felt like to…have a kid? I could feel her breath on my neck, her hair tickling my shoulder as she laughed. She fit so perfectly into both my hands and her arms in a stronghold around my throat.

I realized I'd been standing there for a full minute, before snapping out of the reverie. I cleared my throat. "To the basement, then."

Caroline appeared at my side and a genuine smile stretched across her lips.

Carrying the small child in my arms, I cautiously walked across the living room and down the hall to the dusty basement door. When I slowly began stepping down—careful not to drop Ivy—I was aware of exactly how much she was wiggling. "Don't squirm like that, I'll drop you." I laughed slightly, and felt easier when she did as she was told, giggling all the while.

With each step I took, the harder the familiarity pounded on my chest. Our feet made prints in the dust that had gathered, and the rail was grayed with the stuff as well. When I finally got down to the floor, I flicked on the light switch and sucked in a breath. It had been forever ago… But it was just as I'd remembered. The three wooden chairs in the corner, the shapeless mat on the floor near the never-used basement bathroom. The giant closets' doors were closed, knobs also gray with dust.

I gently set Ivy down on the floor and gazed around, caught by the familiarity for a moment or two. Ivy danced around the floor, giggling and running her palms on the walls, where they left marks. Behind me, Caroline came in after us and sighed almost inaudibly. That made me snap out of it.

"I—I'm sorry. It's disgusting in here." I laughed weakly and swept off a large portion of dust off the wall. "It's awfully dusty."

Caroline shook her head, and I knew by the height of her raised eyebrows that she didn't really care.

I watched as Ivy glanced around a bit, then strode up to the closet doors and reached for the knobs. Caroline was about to stop her, but I shook my head.

"It's fine."

Ivy tugged open the door with a tiny grunt and then her mouth fell open as she gazed at the twenty-one dresses hanging up, wrapped in plastic and dust. She made a loud noise of excitement then began pulling at them, wiping off the dust to see the color through the plastic. I walked over to her to help. With a hand, I swept the majority of dirt off each dress, and then watched in amusement as Ivy partially pulled out one, gasped, then pulled out another. And another. And yet another.

Caroline walked up beside me and hugged her arms to her. "Thank you, Katniss, for doing this. She'll remember this for the rest of her life."

I shook my head, enjoying this as much as she was. "It's really, _really_ nothing at all. I haven't gone down here in ages, and it isn't hurting anything. She really… She really warms me up." I laughed a little. "Eases the tension inside, I guess."

Caroline nodded. "She's really a gift."

Ivy, who had been studying one of my interview dresses, glanced up at me. "This one, this one!"

I frowned at her slightly, and then reached up to pull the dress from the rod. As requested (or so I'd thought) I held it out for Ivy to see the whole of it. It was the one with shards of _something_ scattered all over it, and every time it moved, the spots glittered gold and yellow and red. Licks of flame shot up the dress and back down. Not only did Ivy gasp, but so did Caroline. She swallowed loudly and gaped at it, despite herself.

"Th—th…" She seemed at a loss for words, gaping. With a thin hand, she cupped her forehead and let out a weak laugh. "I-I can't believe I'm doing this right now…"

I didn't say anything. I didn't need to. I knew what she meant. Taking a breath, I smoothed a hand over the plastic and readied to put it back. Ivy stopped me, looking confused.

"Try it on?" she asked in a thoroughly puzzled voice, eyebrows scrunched together.

"Y-You want me to try it on?" Now it was my turn to be confused. Not about what she wanted me to do, but it took a few seconds to grasp it. "I-I don't…know…"

"Ivy, honey, it's all right." Caroline smoothed back her daughter's braids. "Katniss doesn't have to."

"B-But…" Ivy seemed ready to burst out into tears, but she didn't to my surprise. Instead, she paused just ran a longing hand along the plastic, sniffing her nose. "Pretty dress…"

I felt my heart melt at the sight of the little girl and I nearly threw my arms around her and succumbed to her pouty face. I swallowed and shook my head, putting my hand on her own. "It's…it's okay, Ivy. I-I can try it on you want me to."

"You don't have to—" Caroline began, but was interrupted by her daughter.

Ivy jumped up and down, happy once again. "Yes, yes!"

I must be mad. I must be completely off my rocker. I had sworn I'd never _touch_ these again, let alone wear any of them. But here I was. I'd already touched it, held it out. And now I've promised this beaming four-year-old, a perfect stranger, that I'd try the 'pretty dress' on. I must be mad, but…it was worth the world, just to see that little girl grinning up at me, telling me I was a princess. I was becoming so soft… I guess that's what children do to you. Make you see outside yourself. Well, in any case, I took a breath and gently slid the jeweled dress from the plastic case. Though some of the bigger chunks of scarlet crystals seemed to have fallen off, it was still intact. I'd only worn this dress once, two years ago. I didn't even know if it would still fit…

Ivy watched as I ran a hand down the rough fabric. "Pretty dress…" she repeated. And to my surprise, she put her little hands on my stomach and pushed me towards the bathroom. "Try it on now, you go try it on."

The emotions of this moment made me burst out into brief laughter, and I fought the urge to sweep the little girl into my arms as I let her shove me into the bathroom. Feeling lighter than I had in a while, I closed the door after me. What the heck was I doing…

Quickly, before I could regret anything, I tugged off my trousers and shirt. Seeing as how the dress had extremely thin straps, I had to take off my undershirt, too. Feeling bare and not nearly as nervous as I was the day of the interview, I didn't even pause to look at myself in the dusty mirror. I just figured out where the top of the dress was, and wiggled into it. To my complete surprise, it fit just about as well as it did the day of the interview two years ago, as well. I was forced to remember the way the material felt, and the strap hung on my shoulders. Trembling slightly, I turned around to face the mirror. The Girl on Fire stared back. It was a major de-já-vu, hitting me square in the chest. The only thing that made me _okay_ with this was that I was still Katniss. No makeup, my hair was looking awful, my numerous scars flaunted to the world. Shaking that away, I tentatively opened the door and peeked my head out.

Over in the corner of the room, Caroline was sitting in one of the chairs, attempting to give a squirming Ivy a spit-bath on her face, delicate eyebrows furrowed a bit. The chairs' back was partially towards me, so the only face I saw was Ivy's. And apparently she saw mine, too. Because the second our eyes met, her face split into the most awed, admiring, precious look. Her eyes were once again dinner plates and her mouth hung even wider open than the last time. And, without warning, she broke free of her mother's clutches and barreled towards me at the speed of an angry rhino. Except cuter, and smaller. And less angry.

I had no choice but to swing her up into my arms when she hit. The piercing shrieks of her laughter filled my ears as she clutched my neck, and this time, I doubted there was anything I could do to keep her still. She bounced up and down, laughing and giggling, and swerving back and forth with pleasure. It was odd behavior to me, but I had to tell myself it was normal for children to behave like this. I didn't care anyways, only because her joy brought me some as well, and I couldn't help but laugh, too.

Caroline, standing up as well and glancing in my direction, had about the same reaction as her daughter, except no barreling and jumping into my arms. She gaped at me, throat working to swallow.

I hoped she didn't want me to pay attention to her, because I was busy laughing with Ivy. She'd wrapped her chubby legs around my waist and was completely overjoyed. I had gotten used to her weight by then, having her comfortably on my hip, arms supporting the rest of her. I think Caroline was right. She'd remember this forever. But she wasn't the only one who had made a memory today. I doubted that, no matter how old I grew, I'd ever forget the feeling of holding this kid in my arms, laughing harder than I had in forever, wearing the dress I'd sworn never to wear again.

It was at that moment Peeta decided to find us.

He appeared at the bottom of the stairs, and his expression changed from curious to completely in shock. His eyes raked over the dress, then the child I was squeezing in my arms, absorbing the laughter coming uncontrollably from both the "child" and me. When my brain finally registered he was there, my laughter died, and I stared back at him, smiling and still laughing. My laughter turned into tears and I was crying and laughing and smiling at him all at the same time. Tears ran down my face and I reached up a hand to wipe it away, giving Ivy a chance to slide out of my arms and down onto the floor.

Of course, she hadn't stopped laughing, and she skipped over to Peeta. He hadn't unexpected it, but recovered when Ivy leapt into his arms as well.

She bounced some more, unable to stay still. "She's a princess, a princess! Princess, princess, princess…" Ivy let out a shrill laugh and hopped down, but she kept hold of Peeta's hand.

He was still in shock, but didn't resist when Ivy began pulling him closer to me. She skipped and hopped and did everything she could to get him to go faster across the basement to me. I swiped my hands across both cheeks, trying to stop the flow of tears. They wouldn't stop, though, so I gave up trying to rid my face of them. Peeta made it across the room to me, but his eyes were still latched on my face. I didn't know what to do, so I just rubbed my arm with the other, sniffing and trying to hold his gaze but kept looking at the floor.

A finger reached up to wipe away yet another drop of saltwater. "Are you okay?" Peeta's gentle voice made me turn my head back up at him.

"I-I'm _fine_." I insisted, scrubbing again at my eyes. "I'm fine. I was just…" I took a breath, shaking my head, glancing back down. Ivy was there again, stretching up her arms. Without even thinking, I reached down and picked her back up again.

Ivy had stopped laughing by then, and now was just beaming at the two of she'd finally gotten together. She giggled a little bit. "There."

Taking yet another breath, I set her back down and took a step back. "I'd better change back."

And without even waiting for the nods or anything else, I turned around and closed myself again in the bathroom, letting a wave of fresh tears sweep down my face. What had just happened? Why do I feel like this, this… I didn't know. My heart was feeling heavy, yet lighter than it had felt…maybe _ever_ in my life. Ivy had given me hope, and I'll never forget the feeling of having her in my arms laughing my lungs out. The past half-hour just may have been one of the best I've ever had, for a reason I could put my finger on. I'd gotten my first taste of what it felt like to be released from the Game, not caring about the memories attached to a silly dress. I'd felt…I'd felt kind of like Ivy may have been my own child. Like I said, she had given me hope, hope that I'd previously thought would never come. Just by her laughter and smiles.

I didn't know what had just happened, but I knew I'd never forget it. Ivy and her tired-looking mother, growing closer in just two hours than anyone else would have in three weeks. But…but something about her mother seemed oddly familiar. I couldn't place it, but I'd thought I had seen her somewhere else… Maybe District 13. She'd said she was there before moving here.

Still befuddled by the unresolved recollection, I slid off the dress and hanged back into my normal clothes. I went back into the basement and put the plastic cover back on, and then hung it up. Ivy had settled in Peeta's arms, and Peeta was sitting in one of the chairs across from Caroline. She seemed like she was crying, too, but her face was happy. Crossing the room, I sat gingerly in the third chair.

Caroline, who I had only just then remembered she was in the room, glanced at me. She took a breath, looked at her daughter, then at me. "Thank you, Katniss. Thank you so much."

I smiled down at my hands. "Honestly?" I looked back up. "It really, honestly… The pleasure really is mine. Really." Really.

She nodded, tucking a stray lock of graying auburn hair behind her ear.

Things were silent, but the closer I looked at the lady, the more she seemed familiar. And at the end of five minutes of silence, I just had to ask.

"Y-You said you were in District 13 before you came here," I began.

Caroline nodded. "Yes."

"What did you… Did I ever…see you before? Did you do anything? Like, as a job or something?" Maybe she was a cook, one of the people who I saw every day who gave me my portions for every meal.

She looked thoughtful then smiled slightly. "Yes, actually. I ran a booth. And actually…" She laughed once, as if she could hardly believe it. "Actually I met you once, before. Just the once."

I strained my memory, trying to think of where, or _who_ I'd ever met. "Um… I don't…"

"The baby clothes." She tried to help boost my memory, looking anxious for me to recall meeting her. "You met my…my son once."

She had a son?

"Wait, wait…" I stuttered, feeling the memory slowly coming back. And along with the memory, I felt a pressing sense of sadness. Who, who… It was on the tip of my tongue, if I could just—

My eye snapped open as it came back, nearly making me throw up. _No_.

Caroline looked mournful, too, but she licked her lips, looking anxiously at me again. "Do you remember?"

I tried to work my throat, but my entire body had gone numb.

"Aden?"

A tiny sob came out of my throat and I covered my mouth with my hand. Closing my eyes, I felt Peeta's hand light on my shoulder. And, burned into the backs of my eyelids, was the memory of the brown-haired boy, Aden. Yes, I remembered.

**oOo**

_Do you guys remember the brown-haired boy? Do you? In Low and Behold, we met Caroline once already in Chapters 55 and 56. I thought it'd make a nice twist. I'll explain it all in the next chapter, questions aren't too necessary. Review, please!_

_Ugh I'm so annoyed. I put away my laptop for the night last night because I was finished typing the chapter, and I told myself I'd look at it in the morning and edit…something. But I just can't remember what I was going to change! So if you guys find anything fishy or not-cool about this chapter, let me know because Greg is at it again, if you know what I mean. _

_Special thanks to Mancpotter for being my partner in crim—I mean, writing. _

_But I need to ask you guys a favor. If you ever feel lonely or depressed or you haven't laughed in like three weeks, go to youtube and look up "Brittany Spears-I Wanna Go 'Hunger Games' (music video parody)". I haven't laughed that hard in maybe four months? It is exactly what made lie worth living. It's PG and probably the best thing I've ever watched and WILL ever watch. I have to go die now. XD  
_


	41. Chapter 41

_Thank you SO much everyone for all the reviews! They were so very amazing. I love you aaalllll. This chapter starts off directly after the last, so enjoy!_

**oOo**

I was frozen still with recognition for a second. The ice in my chest thawed a little when Ivy crawled over into my lap from Peeta's. She put her head on my collarbone and sniffled, the effect of seeing me in the "princess dress" worn off.

"Momma told me he's in heaven." She whispered delicately, and then looked up at me with her big green eyes. "What if he doesn't like it there?"

I wiped away the tears in my eyes and shuddered slightly. "I don't know…"

There was a pause between the four of us. I wasn't sure if Peeta remembered Caroline from District Thirteen, but I knew that he never met her son, Aden. When I glanced up to see his reaction, it was upset, but not quite as crushed as mine felt. He caught me looking and released a low breath.

"I'm sorry." He said in a soft voice, but that was it.

Ivy was apparently done with sitting in my lap because she slid out and back into her mother's arms. Caroline held her daughter tight, but didn't cry. The look on her face was enough, though.

"It's getting late." Her hazel eyes flicked down to Ivy. "We'd better get going."

"I-I didn't…" I stuttered, feeling guilty, but when we all stood up, I received yet another look that said it for itself.

"It wasn't you, Katniss. And thank you." Caroline hoisted her daughter up into her arms. "I just… It's Ivy's bedtime."

I nodded stiffly and took a step closer to Peeta as we began the ascent back upstairs. He stuck close, but didn't try to hold my hand or put his arm around me or anything. Everyone stayed quiet on the way, and honestly? I didn't know why I was so moved by finding out exactly _who_ Caroline and Ivy were, who they were related to, and whatnot. All I knew is that I had a feeling we're be seeing them a lot more.

We were all standing at the front door at the end of five minutes. Ivy slid out of her mother's arms only to be lifted into mine. She had a face on, puckered sweetly. Looking unsure of herself, she frowned and whispered in my ear, "What's your name?"

I couldn't help but laugh, and I heard Peeta snort too. "It's Katniss."

She grinned, baring shiny pearls of teeth. "Can-iss."

"Good enough."

Ivy seemed thrilled that she finally knew my name, then she looked over at Peeta, beaming.

I lifted a hand to point at him. "And that's Peeta."

She covered her face, still grinning. "…Peeta."

At least she got one of our names right. Sighing slightly, I t set her down and looked at Caroline. "So…see you another time?"

"Hopefully, yes." She smiled weakly at us. "I, um… I work at Nik's. The tailors. If you ever need…to find me."

"Thank you." Peeta nodded his head, and accepted a very tight hug around the leg from Ivy. "We'll see you again, then."

Caroline nodded, eyebrows slanted sadly. "Yes…" Her eyes moved back up to me. "Thank you again, Katniss. She'll—_we'll _always remember that."

I nodded."Goodbye."

Goodbye.

And with one last smile backwards, Caroline and Ivy left out house to the warm summer night.

The second they were gone, I put my elbows in the wall, my hands behind my head and closed my eyes in exhaustion. My legs were trembling slightly, but I don't think it was 100% out of shock. I was just worn out…from _everything_. Wearing the fire dress, getting to hold Ivy, finding out Aden was her brother, everything. I felt Peeta appear next to me. But before he could say anything, I detached myself from the wall and took a shaky breath.

"I'm going home." I said, rubbing my eyes, which were stinging.

"I—" Peeta sighed, but shook his head at me. "Katniss, I… Please stay. Please."

"Why, Peeta?" My words cracked, but I didn't even want the answer. Swallowing hard, I just rubbed my eyes again. "Never mind. I'm going to go to the bathroom."

The moment I turned away from him, a tear fought its way out of my eyelashes.

**PEETA'S POV**

I watched as Katniss stumbled into the hallway bathroom, sort of hunched as she walked. I knew that took a blow on her, but I could get the image of her out of my mind, wearing the fire dress, a four-year-old on her hip, laughing like there was no tomorrow. Or yesterday. It was obvious I was shocked about it, but it was even more obvious that she was seriously upset by…something. And she wanted to go home. I should probably feel bad that I stopped her form doing that, but I had grown so used to having her in my arms at night. It was lonely without her.

The buttons were cold on my finger as I punched in the scarcely-used number. The other end of the receiver rang a few times, then it picked up.

"Peeta?" Prim's young voice sounded worried over the phone. "Is everything alright? Is Katniss alright?"

I hesitated. "Everything is okay, but… Well, we just had Ivy and Caroline over. You know, the two we introduced you to in town."

"Oh, yes." She perked up. "How was it?"

"It was fine, but Katniss surprised me. I left one second to do something, and when I came back, she, Caroline and Ivy were in the basement. She was wearing her _fire dress_, Prim. And laughing, holding Ivy. It was amazing, but then—" I let in a sharp breath, not knowing how to continue.

"Then what?" Prim's voice was as soft and fine as spiders silk, worried also.

I paused. "Do you remember back in District 13, that time we took you along with us to get baby clothes from the market?"

Silence from the other line, then, "There was woman…and something about someone dying."

"That woman was Caroline. Ivy had a brother, Aden, which Katniss met the first time she went to the market. The second time it was Caroline, and she said that Aden had died." I didn't understand fully myself, but I got the gist of it. "We learned that today."

Primrose stayed quiet for only a few seconds, only her breathing audible. A quick inhale. "Oh. That's…"

Feeling foolish, I tossed aside the story and got to the point. "It kind of affected Katniss when we heard, and she's really upset not."

She made a worried voice. "Where's she now?"

Another pause. "I'll be right over."

The phone clicked off right when I heard Ms. Everdeen's faint voice speaking to Prim, asking she who called. Then beeping filled my ear, and I hung up.

When I got back to the living room, Katniss was still not back. It was an automatic decision to throw some cookies in the oven; baking calmed me down. By the time the door opened quietly while I was in the middle of putting dough on a sheet, my hands were no longer shaking.

Prim poured a couple of glasses of water and stood next to me by the counter, sipping one.

"She's still not out." I slid the tray into the oven and accepted the second glass of water. "But I have a feeling she's in the bathtub again."

Back in District Thirteen, whenever Katniss was upset or got distressing news, she would run away and find a bathroom to lock herself in. She's lay there in the tub, still in her clothes, letting the shower soak her.

"I'm not sure whether or not we should try and get her out." Prim looked concerned, knitting her blond eyebrows. "Because it wasn't really…that big of a deal, right? She dind't know this Aden that well, did she?"

I shrugged, but shook my head. "No, she didn't."

Prim refilled her glass. "I'm sure she'll be out in a minute."

'A minute' turned into fifteen, and the cookies were done. I put them on a plate and set them on the coffee table. "I'm…I'm worried about her."

Prim sat down with me and picked at her fingernails. "I'm sure she'll be fine. It wasn't that big of deal, she should be out soon."

I took a golden-brown cookie from the tray, with no exactly intention of eating it "I know. But it's not just that. She wants to completely start over this time.

Prim frowned.

"For real. She serious, and I'm worried that she might do something reckless. Again."

Prim frowned a second time. Then shook her head. "Katniss is strong. And I know for a fact that things are going to be okay this time. When she first…ran off, it was because of you. She couldn't stand being alone, it scared her. But now she has you, and she has Mother, me, Ivy, and Caroline as well. If she starts almost back at the beginning, I can see that working."

Honestly, I hated this girls' optimism, but I was the one always nagging Katniss about it. Maybe it's time to trust her…

The doorknobs of the bathroom rattled suddenly, and Katniss came out. Her face was red and hung, but she looked a bit better than she had before. Stopping briefly to do a double-take at the couch, Katniss realized who was here.

"Prim." She said, eyebrows raised in surprise. "What are you doing here? It's late."

Though Prim didn't answer, Katniss caught on and glanced at me. But her reaction wasn't at all what I'd expected.

"I don't need help, Peeta." She said crossly. "You didn't need to call her."

Prim looked alarmed and slightly hurt.

"You seemed upset." I kept my tone even, face calm. "Since you don't like discussing anything with me anymore, I thought talking to _someone_ at least might be g—"

"Well, you thought wrong." Her eyes pierced into me like daggers. "I-I don't need anyone. Anyone. You didn't have to wake Prim up to give me therapy sessions. I'm fine."

I blinked once at her, then got up. She watched me as I passed in front of her and began walking upstairs. Wordlessly, of course. I wasn't angry at her, really. Just disappointed. You know, good memories can only be tasted and felt for so long after. Unless you somehow got them down, they could be lost forever. And the feeling of Katniss laughing with Ivy in her dress was so real.

As soon as I got up to my room, I pulled out a canvas and my paints, setting them up on an easel. As I mixed the different oranges for fire, I imagined Katniss coming up here in maybe half an hour to apologize or yell at me some more, telling me she was leaving for the night. She may, she may not. Her and Prim were probably down there talking right now, despite her fit. No worries.

I felt the image live on my hands and I began to paint, only the first smears of the beginning visible. But in time, it grew clearer. Katniss, in the dress of golden red jewels, head thrown back and laughing. Ivy giggled in her arms. It was perfect.

An hour passed, then another, and Katniss still hadn't come up. I was losing myself in the painting, and when it turned midnight, I was finished. Though some of the paint was still wet, I hung it on my wall anyway. I think I captured fire okay, but what really got me was Katniss' perfect olive face, thrown back in a laugh, long black hair falling down her shoulders. And though it was my first time painting Ivy, I though she looked like, well, Ivy. Perfect.

I took a brief moment to use the bathroom and scrub all of the acrylic paint off, then got to thinking about the real Katniss. Perhaps she went home with Prim? I wasn't positive, but just to make sure, I headed downstairs to check. My feet thudded mutely on the carpeted stairs as I went down. And when I got to the living room, I found myself a surprise. Katniss and Prim had fallen asleep together, flopped in a comfortable-looking position.

Shaking my head adoringly, I went to go retrieve some spare blankets fro the hall closet. I knew Katniss couldn't be angry for too long, and she didn't kick her sister out, which was a good sign. Part of me had thought she's go back to her Mother's house when Prim left, but either they were really tired, or both decided it was okay to fall asleep here. I didn't mind, of course, I just thought it odd.

When I got back to the living room, neither Katniss nor Prim had stirred. Smiling lightly to myself, I draped the blanket over them both. Katniss let out a breath and mumbled something in her sleep, but then resumed her quiet snoring. I stifled laughter as I went back upstairs.

I was lying there in my bed after turning out the lights. Last night I had been excruciatingly lonely and worried, but tonight I feared nothing. Katniss was fine, Prim was fine, I knew where both of them were, and they were close enough to take care of in an emergency, And with that secure feeling in my head and the smell of drying pain still hanging, I let myself be pulled under by the alluring arms of sleep.

**oOo**

_That one wasn't quite as long as my others, but it was still good, right? Please review a whooole lot you guys! I don't care what you say, just acknowledge you're all there are reading!_


	42. Chapter 42

_Hey there everyone! Thanks for all the reviews. I'm glad people were happy of what I did there in the last chapter. I hadn't switched to Peeta's point of view in a while, and I think it was much-needed. So um, thanks again and just to let you guys know, on the 28__th__ is the one-year anniversary of starting my first Hunger Games fanfiction, Lo and Behold. When I think about it, it really surprises me that I could have written that much, plus this story, in just a year. I'll stop talking now, so you can read and review! _

**oOo**

**Still Peeta's POV**

I woke up early to the muted cries of birds outside my window. They chirped and whistled and squawked until I groaned and rolled out of bed. My neck felt stiff, but the second I remembered the day before, I was alert and all stiffness had vanished. Things buzzed in my head, and I went into the bathroom to wash my face and stare at myself in the mirror. Katniss _was_ kind of right. My hair _does_ stick up in funny places when I wake up. Sighing, I flicked some water in a meager attempt to flatten it, but I didn't even check back in the mirror to see if it worked. Instead, I began my way downstairs, tugging on a new shirt as I went.

After only taking a brief peek into the living room, I saw Katniss and Prim were still fast asleep, curled under the blanket I had thrown over them last night. I felt a smile tug at my face, but then I remembered that Katniss went to bed angry at me last night. The smile abruptly fell. Maybe she came to her senses as she slept, but I seriously doubted it. I didn't let my thoughts linger on that too much.

In the kitchen, I brought out some pans and food from the fridge and began making breakfast. It was sort of an unconscious thing, cooking, but I did my best not to let my mind wandered as I whipped the eggs into scramble-y mush. Baking sizzled in the frying pan on the burner next to the eggs, smelling deliciously unhealthy. As I cooked, the unwanted thought of Ivy and Caroline kept cropping up. I wanted so badly to discuss it with Katniss, but I had a feeling she wasn't going to be up to speaking about it with me for a while.

I hoped she would have enough decency to stay for breakfast at least. Maybe then she'll vanish off with Prim again somewhere without me. Discussing plans for the wedding. They seem to forget I'm included in the plans, too. But I didn't really mind not having too much to do with the planning. Weddings confused me, and I think the only thing I'll be worrying about on the day would be not falling on my face into the cake or something, like in the movies.

The cake… I had some ideas about that. I began sketching a few days ago. Katniss caught me, of course, and now she wants me to make it smaller, without even knowing the size. I wouldn't show her, but now that I think of it, it was probably a good thing. The sketches were only ideas, of course, but if she wanted something small, it was pointless even drawing up ideas like those. Katniss was stubborn in the sense of getting what she wanted. It made me laugh.

I thought of many themes for the cake… Some fire, some mockingjays, some a combination of all three. Everything great she's done in her life, the cake could symbolize the Katniss Everdeen that people know and love. The savior. But on the other hand, she wants to forget about that. She wants us to be _now_ and forget about the past and everything she did. Just a normal cake for a normal couple. I could do that just fine, but she was much more than "normal" to me.

"Good morning." A quiet voice startled me, breaking my thoughts out of the world they were in now.

I glanced behind me, taking a break stirring the eggs. Katniss was standing there, looking extremely ruffled from sleep, hair an absolute mess. Her eyes drooped slightly and she walked as though stiff, but I was glad she looked exhausted, not angry. I turned back to the food.

"Did you sleep well?" The question sounded stiff, even from my own ears.

There was a pause. "Not really."

Things were awkward between us for a few minutes while I finished up fixing breakfast, avoiding her gaze. Still not looking at her, I slid the food onto two different plates (leaving the rest still warm in the pans) and poured us some juice. Katniss accepted hers wordlessly and went to sit down.

We sat in silence. Katniss just stared at her drink, tapping her fingernail against the glass absentmindedly. She didn't eat, or even move other than her finger. I stirred around my food, watching the bacon cool down and stop bubbling. I wasn't quite sure what to say, or if I should say anything.

"I guess…you want an apology from me." Katniss kept hold of her low voice, looking through her lashes at me. I couldn't discern what her expression was, or if she had one on at all. "I was just…feeling odd."

I shrugged, popping a spoonful of now-cold eggs in my mouth.

"I was upset at myself, not you."

My eyebrows furrowed in confusion and I looked up. "Why were you upset at yourself?"

She swallowed a tiny bit. "Because I let Ivy persuade me into wearing the dress. And… I promised myself I never would again. I just…realized afterwards that it's stupid and…I shouldn't let people do that to me."

Now I was just sympathetic, and it took everything in me not to reach over and put my hand on hers. "Do…what, exactly?"

"To get in my head." She decided to give in and she took a bite of her food. "They do it so easily, and…that's what got me into this mess."

"But you're fixing it." I insisted, defending what, I didn't even know. "I can see, even though it's been only a few days, you are…doing far better than I'd thought you'd do. You're fighting with yourself, but you're winning."

"Winning what, Peeta?" She grimaced down at her plate, hunching forwards slightly. "I don't even know what I'm doing."

"Neither do I, trust me." I couldn't help but grimace, too, but I wiped the frown off quickly. "But whatever you're doing, keep doing it. We'll go about our lives. Eventually, whatever you're trying to do will work."

A tiny smile appeared on Katniss' face. "Thanks for the optimism. It's good t—"

"Katniss?" Primrose shuffled into the kitchen, rubbing her bleary eyes a bit. She brought her hand back down from her eyes and saw us there. A smile twitched on her face, and I recognized Katniss' in her face. Their smiles were the same… "Good morning."

"Morning." Both Katniss and I said that at the same time.

"There's some breakfast on the stove if you'd like." I offered, pointing behind me.

"Thanks." Prim gave me a tired smile, and then flicked an unsure glance at Katniss, and back again. "I'm not…interrupting anything, am I?"

We shook our heads and watched as she took the food and sat down. I guess we were now forced to eat as she did. Her blue eyes kept moving between the both of us, confused and a little bit guilty. It was silent over breakfast, and Prim seemed to get the uneasiness from Katniss and I. She thanked him for breakfast after she was done eating, and proposed an idea.

"We should go into town today, Katniss," She said, fingers curled around a glass of juice, "and see if there's anything we could do to help with the preparations."

I tried to keep the disgruntle scowl off my face. Of course, I was spot-on, guessing that they'd go and plan the wedding stuff without the groom.

"Okay," Katniss looked up from prodding a piece of bacon. I hoped she didn't say that just because I wasn't going. "Good idea. We should go early to clean up at the house, though."

Primrose perked up at her agreement and stood up with Katniss. I stood up, too, and put all of our dishes in the sink. Even though Katniss' plate and my plate weren't cleaned off, we didn't have much appetite anyways. I followed them out the kitchen, watching Prim open the door and hop out. I stayed a few feet away from the both of them, watching Katniss linger a bit inside, obviously knowing I was right behind. She swallowed visibly and turned.

"I'm mean to you because it's the only way to not want to be with you. To not want…me to be around you. Because I'm mean…" She shook my head, with a sudden look of annoyance. Perhaps at herself. "Never mind, Peeta. I'm sorry. Don't take any of this personally."

I gave her a small, weak smile and leaned against the wall next to the door. "You know I will."

**Katniss' POV**

I did. Sighing, I just bowed my head and walked out only leaving small thanks for the breakfast. It was getting harder and harder being away from him, being mean to him. I wish I could have phrased my thoughts right, instead of making myself look like a fool. I didn't want him to be around me if I was mean. He didn't deserve someone who was mean. It's easier to stay away and keep to my promise if I thought he didn't deserve me. Ugh. I was confusing myself. Shaking that off, I just ordered my feet to follow Prim back to our own house.

Into the front door and up the stairs we went. But there I was left to fend for myself as I grabbed a pair of clean, un-wrinkled clothes from the closet. The shower I took, though relaxing, lasted only five minutes. Fighting the lump in my throat, I pulled on the clothes drearily and tried to fix up my appearance in the mirror a bit. My hair was _insane_. The vain part of me hoped I didn't look that at Peeta's. But considering the way _his_ hair had been an absolute mess, I guess we were even. But I wasn't sure how "charming" _he_ considered _mine_.

I combed down my lion mane and brushed my teeth. Sadly, there wasn't anything I could do about the violet circles under my eyes. I tried straightening my slouch, to not much avail. Oh well. Reaching behind me, I did my too-long black hair into a lengthy plate. If I was going to look like the living dead, I might as well do it in style.

Primrose was waiting in the living room when I was done. When her hair was wet, it looked professional and adorable, curling in that way it did, a fierce shade of gold. She looked up from the book she was engrossed in (Buttercup was curled at her side) and grinned.

"Ready?" She stood up, giving her disgusting orange cat a find pat on the head.

As if on cue, Mother swept in from the kitchen. "Where are you two going?"

"Mother?" I couldn't help but ignore her question. "You work today, don't you?"

"Yes, but I only have to go in at eleven." She tucked the pencil she was holding behind her ear. "The apothecary work has been surprisingly slow lately. I might get tomorrow off, and more for your wedding. It depends."

Prim brushed the long cat hairs from her dress. "Well, we're going into town to do some looking around. Is there anything you need picked up, Mother?"

She thought for a second. "We're out of flour. We have been for a few days."

I nodded, storing that in the great file cabinet of my brain. "Anything else?"

A smile appeared on my Mother's tired face. "It doesn't hurt to look at stuff for the wedding, now, doesn't it?"

"We were thinking that, actually." Primrose looked like she had thought of something really great. Her eyes widened and a grin appeared on her face, dimples coming with it. She looked at me. "We can look at wedding dresses!"

Whoa, slow down. Way too fast. I found it hard to wrap my head around that, _today_, but thankfully Mother laughed.

"It isn't a good idea to get that today, Prim. There are things you need to do in advanced, and you'll need your _mother_ there with you at least." She rubbed at her eye. "But feel free to look around and report back if you find any that strikes your fancy."

No one _says_ that anymore.

"Okay, Mother!" Primrose had this whole thing down. She kissed our mother on the cheek and looked back at me. "Katniss? You alright? You coming?"

Blinking, I nodded my head a bit and followed my little sister out the door, bidding Mother goodbye. Strangely enough, as Prim and I walked out, Peeta was doing the same out of his house. His eyebrows at us when we caught up to each other on the asphalt path out of the Victor's Village.

"You off to the bakery?" I tried to act normal around him. It wasn't really working, seeing as how my heart was leaping out my throat, trying to be closer to him. _Get down, stupid, we're not together any more_.

Peeta nodded and squinted off in front of us, stuffing his hands into his pockets. "Yeah. I think it's time I start looking for employees."

I nearly laughed, but it came out as a surprised cough. "You don't have any other workers there besides yourself?"

"Yeah." He sighed. "If I did, I could have it open even when I'm…off. The last time I was there I put a paper out in front. Maybe there's someone today."

I shrugged, letting the boring subject drop off casually. "Prim and I are off to run some errands for Mother. We're out of flour."

Peeta smiled, faint. "Stop by on your way back."

I nodded, swallowing down my heart again. "See you."

"By Peeta!" Prim waved as we went our separate ways, us down the road leading to the general shops, him to the bakery.

I wondered why it was so hard to forget him. I tried, but all the good times kind of…canceled out the times I went all insane-lady on him. His laughter at my stupidity, the way his hair looked when he very first sat up in the morning, his arms around my waist when I woke us up, screaming in the middle of the night. What was I doing? Was this even accomplishing anything? It had to be, or wasted time for nothing. I knew he'd wait up for me, but I wasn't sure _I_ could wait. It was driving me insane. More insane than I already was, which was saying something.

Prim was muttering to herself, squinting at the different shops as we past them. "Blacksmith…kitchen ware…clothes…more clothes…baby stuff…diner…still more clothes…hair ribbon stand…tailor…"

Something popped into my head. "The tailor!"

Prim's head snapped up. "What about it?"

The recognition deflated as soon as it came. But it was too late. "Eh… C-Caroline works…there… I just thought perhaps—"

"I'm off today." said a voice behind us.

Letting out a startled noise, I glanced off to the side where the voice came from. Caroline, obviously. She was dragging Ivy by one hand, carrying a large package of who-knows-what with the other. Ivy was crying, flailing her arms around, kicking her feet. How we didn't hear that before, I had no idea.

"I only work Saturdays, Sundays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays." She recited her abnormal schedule with a smile and an embarrassed glance down at her daughter. "Ivy, stop that now."

"B-But I wanted…I wanted…" She tore her hand from her mother's, but obviously forgot exactly what her tantrum was over. Rubbing her teary eyes, she made an upset noise and glanced back up. At me. Her puffy face was shock first, and then turned to relief. She turned her back to her mother and stomped over to me, demanding I pick her up. When I did, she wiped her snotty nose on my shoulder, tiny sobs coming from her throat. "M-Momma w-won't let m-me get…s-something I w-want."

Caroline cringed when Ivy blew her nose on the material of my sleeve.

I ignored that. "Well, you don't have to cry about it. I'm sure there is a whole bunch of other good things coming to you soon, other than something your mother won't let you have."

She looked doubtful, hiccups shaking her chest a bit. "Like w-what?"

"Like…" I racked my brain hastily for something she could have. It was obvious, really. "I was looking for you two, actually. We were hoping you'd come looking at…dresses with us." Flour could wait.

Ivy suddenly stopped crying. Her face split into a joyous grin. "Really? You mean it?"

"Sure!" I couldn't help but smile at her, despite my hesitation and the snot on my shoulder. "If it's okay with your mother, that is."

Caroline looked absolutely defeated. "Yeah."

A thought slipped into my mind, and I remembered something. Had we discussed it last night…? I really didn't think so… "Hey, um…" I struggled for eloquence, which was failing me. "Y-You know in a wedding, there are…are bridesmaids and such… Um…" This was embarrassing. I tried again, face red. "Well, Peeta and I have been talking more about the plans and we forgot to mention it last night. Along with the meager guest list, we've also composed a list of…well, bridesmaids."

Ivy hummed impatiently in my arms, not paying attention to what I was saying. But Caroline was. She tilted her head inquisitively.

"Prim, Annie…um….Annie Cresta. And, of course, we…we wanted Ivy to be a bridesmaid as well."

Ivy's head snapped us, immediately alert in hearing her name being spoken. She giggled, but judging by her not-so-incredibly-enthusiastic response, I took it she didn't know what a bridesmaid was.

Caroline looked happy at first, but then her face fell, pink with embarrassment. "I-I don't think we have the money for a-a dress…or anything." She grimaced, not meeting my gaze.

"No, no, we pay for the dresses." I clarified, feeling an odd tinge of pride seeing both of their faces peek with gratefulness and wonder. "We pay for everything. Peeta and I."

The mother seemed to be in shock, but Ivy wiggled happily in my arms, fists pressing her lips into a scrunched, surprised expression. "I get a dress?" She glanced at me, then Prim, then her own mom. "I get a dress, I get a dress!" She giggled and writhed, tugging at my shirt. "Come on! Let's go, let's go…"

Caroline sighed and rubbed her temples with two fingers. "I don't know…I don't know if I can…accept that, K-Katniss." She glanced up, a tiny grimace creasing the skin on either side her mouth.

"Accept, accept!" Ivy yelled at her mother, more out of excitement than meanness. "I wanna princess dress, momma, I wanna princess dress!"

Primrose was standing off behind me a bit, smiling, but unsure what to say if she should say anything at all. Caroline just pursed her lips in worry.

"We're just looking today. The third bridesmaid comes on Wednesday, and she should be there to make the decision as well." I set down the four-year-old I was holding. I was worried I'd drop her because she was wiggling so much. "Like I said, just looking. Get some ideas."

After sighing in defeat, Caroline just shrugged her shoulders. "Alright." She had this helpless face on, as if we ganged up on her and forced her to agree. But since she had already consented, there wasn't much else I could do besides cough and continue.

"You…well, my first thought was the tailors, but you work there. I don't know…"

"It's fine." She reassured me, smiling weakly. "Never mind they only pay minimum wage, the tailor, Mr. Webb, is a really talented man." Her hazel eyes were cast somewhere off into the distant. "He likes to tell me that I work for an artist, not a tailor."

He sounded kind of stuck-up to me, but I just raised my eyebrows in a neutral expression and let Caroline lead the way inside.

It was roomy and tastefully decorated, with racks of plastic-covered clothes hanging high on one wall. Rolls of fabric lay slanted against the opposite, and there was a large wooden desk in the middle. And, sitting behind it, was whom I assumed to be Mr. Webb. He had skin the color of soft paper, and graying brown hair. A nicely-trimmed beard formed below his smiling lips. Though the smile was not completely welcoming, it wasn't hostile either.

"Miss Sawyer, what might you be doing here on your day off?" He asked in a surprisingly gentle voice, and then his black eyes floated over to the rest of us: Prim, Ivy and me. "With the Mockingjay and her sister no less."

Ivy frowned, as was her mother. Caroline seemed out of extremely articulate words, she just made a face.

"Well, see, K—"

Mr. Webb interrupted her. "Yes, yes, the wedding. I take it you're invited and perhaps…helping the girl choose her gown?"

"Not exactly," Caroline's face made it obvious he was always like this, knowing what you were going to say before you did. "Ivy is going to b—"

"Yes, bridesmaids!" The tailor clapped his hands in pleasure, looking from the four-year-old holding my hand, to Primrose on my other side. "And young miss Everdeen here, too, I suppose?"

"Yes…"

Mr. Webb seemed delighted this had come up, and he stood from his post to walk a little closer. "You're looking for bridesmaid dresses, exactly. Buying or just looking?"

"There's still another o—" I started, wanting to explain about how we wanted Annie to be here when we made the final decision, but I was a fool to think he'd let me finish a sentence.

"I see… I understand…" He had already crossed the room to a high shelf on the north wall, lined with different-colored binders. His skinny finger ran across the spines of them, until it stopped on a sky blue-colored folder. He pulled it out and set it on his desk, open. "Come come. Pull up some chairs."

I glanced around and saw a few seats shoved into the corner. We grabbed them and pulled them up to the other side of the desk.

"Now, there are different sections of these according to themes, but there are also separate ideas and forms, meant for young and adult…" Mr. Webb rambled and he flipped through pages. The binder was upside down, pointing to the four of us. "Is there a particular theme your wedding has taken on, Miss Katniss?"

It was a good decision to answer with as few words as possible. "Not really."

With a nod, he stuck his thumb under a yellow tab near the beginning, and flipped it to those pages. "These are some of my most popular ones. Feel free to look, I need to tend to something in the back." Mr. Webb gave us each a giant smile (personally it kind of freaked me out) and practically vanished through a door that I hadn't even noticed before.

There was an astounding moment of silence when he left. Once the shock of his overpowering presence had left, we bent back over the binder. As we flipped through the pages, Ivy told me we should get "that one, that one, that one!" about every one of them. Caroline didn't speak throughout the thing, but she assured me it was because the dresses weren't for her, they were for Ivy and Prim, but for my wedding. She just kind of stayed out of it. Prim spoke occasionally, pointing out something she liked about the dress on the current page; ruffles down the neckline, pleats, the seam design, she seemed impressed by a lot of them. But thankfully, she didn't want every single one of them as the four-year-old in my lap did.

But when it came down to a certain dress, it gathered the same initial response from all.

"I _love_ that one, how it seems to kind of float on you…" Primrose's voice was hushed in what seemed to be awe.

Awe didn't hush Ivy's voice, though. "Like a princess!" She squealed, and turned around to Caroline. "Momma, momma, lookit this _pretty_ dress!"

Caroline obeyed her daughter and leaned over the binder. "Ooh, it's beautiful! Those sleeves are something special…"

I, personally, really loved it, too. But no decisions were being made without my last bridesmaid.

"What do you think, Katniss?" Primrose sat up, looking somewhat excited.

"I think…it's gorgeous. Honestly. We—"

"I see some progress has been made, yes?" Mr. Webb came nearly _floating_ back through the door, fluttering back to his seat delicately. I couldn't help but scoot an inch further away. "Which one?"

Primrose scooted the binder around so he could see our favorite.

"Ahh…" A wide smile split the tailor's face, and he peered at the paper with content. "This one is marvelous, great choice."

"It isn't really a choice; we still have to wait f—"

"I understand, Miss Katniss." He waved me off with yet another smile. "There's time for adjustments and everything before the other girl gets here. When it she coming?"

"Wednesday." My shoulders felt slouched under the heavy poise he carried.

"So soon, so soon…" Mr. Webb tutted to himself and he yanked a yellow sticky note from beside him off. A pencil danced across the tiny surface and he handed it to me. On it was "**5**-**st2-#19**—5-5-29 Everdeen" I didn't know what it meant, but I pocketed it nonetheless. The tailor smiled at my confused look. "That tells me the number of binder, the section, the dress number, the date, and your name so it'll be easy to find the next time you come. Are you finished looking through it?"

I felt compelled to say yes and run out of the store for some clean, non-egotistic-maniac-filled air.

"I think we are." Thankfully, Caroline beat me to it. She stood up, taking her young daughter's hand. "Thank you, Mr. Webb."

His smile was warm, but still wide and intimidating. "Thank _you_ Caroline. And, of course, Ivy, Miss Katniss and young miss Everdeen."

Primrose smiled back, but mine was less placid.

"See you Wednesday." I was dying to get out of there. Once he nodded in release, I put my arm gently around Prim's shoulder and practically shoved her out the door.

When we were all out, Caroline grimaced. "I'm sorry, I should have warned you about how…overpowering my boss is."

Ivy, who had gotten Prim to pick her up, wasn't paying much attention to us.

"It's fine." I made a face off in the distance. "Some progress was made at least…"

There was a stretch of silence, in which Primrose had Ivy in a fit of rolling laughter. They giggled together for some time, until I realized I was being impolite. We had stayed for a bit, and it was now late lunchtime.

"Would you like to join us for lunch?" I offered them.

Ivy, who had calmed down her giggles enough to talk, squealed. "Yes, please!"

Ever since District 12 had been reconstructed, Greasy Sae got her own eatery place, a few blocks away from the bakery. We walked there in silence (well, near silence; Ivy and Prim were still laughing) and the moment we stepped inside, there was Greasy Sae right up in my face.

"Why haven't you come and visited me, girl?" She said in loud, mock anger. "I've been sitting her all alone, left to decompose without everyone's favorite rebel here to stomach my soup. What a life to lead…" She shook her head sadly, but a grin crept across her familiar, creased face. "Glad to see ya, Katniss."

"You too." I said weakly. Greasy Sae wasn't quite that much of a change from Mr. Webb's overpowering demeanor. "This is Caroline and Ivy." I said, pointing.

"Pleasure to meet you two." She could be kind when she felt like, easing the nervous smiles on our friend's faces.

"Now, get us some lunch, we're starving."

"Yes, _your highness_." She winked and swept off back to the kitchen.

The place couldn't be called a restaurant. In fact, it was hardly a diner or a café. It had about three tables (not including the bar, which seated four), and it was just Greasy Sae and one other decrepit old woman who brought us the food. Caroline and Ivy seemed hesitant and quieter in this place, but to Primrose and I it felt more like home.

Actually, the beef-and-carrot stew was one of her better ones, and by the end of the hour, we'd had our fill. Though Sae insisted I didn't pay her for that meal, I secretly dropped a few coins on the counter, which I saw the ancient waitress scoop up right away and shove in her pocket. With a bid goodbye and a punch on the shoulder, we managed to make it out of the eatery in one piece.

"Thank you for the meal, Katniss." Caroline was very polite, but she still seemed a little shook up from my old friend.

"You're welcome." I smiled at her, and then down at Ivy, who was round with soup. She grinned up at me. Being with Caroline and Ivy made me forget why Prim and I had came into town in the first place, but we accomplished something so I didn't feel too bad. Now I just had to swallow whatever that was holding me back and go visit Peeta in the bakery.

"You okay, Katniss?" Primrose frowned, looking sideways at me. "You have a funny face on."

"I'm alright, Prim." I assured her. "I'm just…nervous about the wedding." It was true, but not why I had a funny face on.

She smiled at me, easing some of the tension in my throat. "Don't be. You and Peeta belong together."

Sometimes I wished it was less so. The Capitol chose us to be together, we still shouldn't be. Yet… I can't seem to get him from my mind. Even when I was supposed to be staying away from him, trying to level my head out before we get married. Life wasn't fair to either of us, but still, he assures me he still wants me, sane or not.

"You're right." I lead the way away from Greasy Sae's place. "More than I realize myself."

Isn't that the truth…

**oOo**

_Sorry, guys, I couldn't find a good way to end this. It was going to be way longer originally, but I'll save that for next chapter, I think. Anyways…. Please review! You know how much I love it. :D Happy June something-or-other!_


	43. Chapter 43

_Hey, all! Thanks for the incredible amount of reviews! I was surprised. I could name some of the reviewers, but there are too many to count (plus, I don't have internet when writing this so I can't check to make sure spelling is right). But someone had the idea of having Ivy be the flower girl and Caroline be the bridesmaid instead. Now, that wasn't a bad idea, but I got to thinking about it. Obviously, it isn't going to be a normal modern wedding, so I don't think there's going to _be_ a flower girl, otherwise that's be the obvious choice. But plus, Caroline's quite a bit older than both Annie and Katniss, so it wouldn't be the best of choices. Anyway, I'm continuing as planned, but it's going to be amazing, so don't have any doubts! I already have more of it planned out than you'd ever think. ;)_

**oOo**

We took our time walking to the bakery. The air was clean and warm, a light breeze blowing the leaves of nearby trees awry, brushing against one another in a summery tune. The sun's rays beat down on us not unkindly, somewhat easing the tenseness in my throat. There wasn't even anything I was supposed to be nervous about. I kept repeating that to myself over and over, and the more I thought it, the more I felt foolish for being nervous at all.

Prim walked beside me quietly, face relaxed and emotionless. She looked deep in thought, so it was easy for me to have excuses to not make conversation.

The road to Peeta's bakery was a pleasant walk, and before we knew it, the powder-blue building stood still in front of us. Light shone from inside the large glass display windows. Though there was definitely less goodies visible on their shiny clear platforms, there were still the usual trays of cookies and cakes, loaves of fresh bread, fogging up the glass. My mouth watered as we got near. The smells from inside wafted out, making my stomach twitch with impatience.

"I think I'll leave you to this one." Prim smiled a bit, peering into the bakery as was I. She glanced over at me and her smile flickered encouragingly. "I'm going to go pick up the flour Mother wanted. Good luck."

I tried a smile back, and it worked. "Thanks, Prim. I'll see you later." My eyes turned back to the white bakery door, too late to see my little sister walk off.

It was a few minutes I stood there, just staring through the display windows inside. There were a two people in there; one at the counter, and the other considering the treats on display. It was surprisingly vacant for being one of the only bakeries in town, especially after being closed a while and being run by Peeta, the famous guy he was. I nearly scoffed. He was just Peeta to me. Just Peeta. Shaking my head to myself, I pushed open the door and entered.

The smell hit me immediately, ten times more powerful than it was outside. Icing and sugar and yeast filled my nostrils, temporarily cutting off my other senses. It was only when I blinked and looked back over to the front counter I realized there was a man standing there. And he wasn't Peeta. My head cocked automatically in curious assessment.

The man looked about the same height as Peeta. He didn't have as much muscles as him, but he was lean and sinewy, and most certainly pretty. Cinnamon-colored hair framed his oval head, messy and askew. His eyes were dark, but the irises a semi-familiar green color. He had dimples on either side of his wide smile and he…was…staring right at me.

I opened my mouth in surprise, and then eyed his inquisitively. "Um… You…?" My words didn't work very well currently, but the man didn't seem to mind.

He leaned on the counter, grinning at me with a shocking smile. "Good evening, miss. May I help you?"

I assumed Peeta's "help wanted" ad worked, and this was his new employee. Strange, though, and extremely flirtatious. Good-looking. And still grinning at me as if he lived to worship me. I was annoyed.

When he didn't get an answer right away, the man held out his hand. "I'm Benjamin Erik, the new baker here. You can call me Benj."

Something clicked in my head when I shook his hand. Benj Erik. The man that got his foot crushed by a cow? District 1. No _wonder_ he was so dashing and chivalrous. District One was known for producing fairly good-looking people.

"You're, um…" I let my hand fall, and I rubbed it against my opposite arm. "The man that got his, uh…foot crushed. By a cow."

Benj threw back his head and laughed a chocolaty ringing of bells. "Yeah, that's me. I guess I'm sort of a celebrity here." He cast me a wink. "I didn't realize anyone knew about me. And my infamous Bessie."

I hoped he was just joking about that cow name, because I nearly retched. "No, I uh… I heard it from my sister. She worked at the hospital."

"I see…" Benj leaned forwards on his arms again, cocking his head charmingly, letting a stray strand of light brown hair fall into his eyes. "So, you didn't tell me _your_ name."

I opened my mouth—a little nervous by the enticing grin—to answer, but just then, the door to the back kitchen opened.

"Hey, Benjamin, if you could…" Peeta, who was busy brushing flour off his apron, glanced up, "take…the…" He trailed off, eyes locking on me, and then drifting over to the flirtatious grin of Benj's face. His face then became purely menacing (a glare shot at his new employee) and then he looked at me. "Hey, _Katniss_. Nice to see you here."

"K-Kat…niss…" Benj's mouth popped open in surprise, and he glanced at me. I could see by the twitch in his eyes, what he was thinking. _Ooohh crap_. "Katniss. Katniss Everdeen. Right. Of course." His green eyes flicked nervously up to Peeta. "Y-_your _Katniss. Of course. I'm going to…go, um…take care of that rye bread in the oven. Yeah." Face pink with embarrassment, he shrank past Peeta (who had his arms crossed, still glaring at him) with a wooden crutch and a limp to his walk.

Peeta glared at Benj all the way up until the kitchen door swung closed behind him. It was his "that-was-my-girl-you-were-just-flirting-with" look. As soon as Benj vanished, though, he shook his head and went to take his place behind the counter. Peeta leaned on his elbows in front of me. "Sorry about him."

"It's, uh… It's fine." I was still a little shook up and weirded out, but I was able to look up and give him a miniscule smile. "Charming guy…"

Peeta sighed and scowled at the floor, refusing to meet my eyes. "Yeah. Real charming."

I got the overwhelming urge to comfort him, reassure that he was still my guy, and I didn't care for (or _about_) Benj's charm or handsomeness. But the twinge in my throat reminded me of my mission. Instead, I just cleared my throat. "So… How are you doing?"

He glanced back up, seemingly recovered from his fit of jealousy. "I'm doing okay. So is business. Ever since I hired _Mr. Erik_, things have become a whole lot easier, less stressful. He can bake alright. But I tried having him ice a cake. It was real simple."

There was a pause.

"It took an hour to clean up afterwards, and we almost had to throw the cake out, the damage he did to it." Peeta actually laughed a bit, and I could see in his eyes that smugness I so rarely saw. He could do something Benj couldn't.

"Well, good thing you're amazing at icing." A teensy smile touched my lips. That couldn't hurt anything. I let his responding smile get to me, warm me up.

"Thanks. Me: one. Benjamin Erik: zero."

I scoffed. "You're a lot more ahead than just one. For instance…" A tiny panic reaching my head, I racked my brain for _anything_. It wasn't too hard. "For instance you've lived two Games. He can't say the same."

It could have just been my imagination, but his face seemed to fall a tiny bit at that.

"And," I added hastily. "And you're a really great kisser."

Oh, CRAP. Did I just say that? Crap, crap… A rock thumped its way into my throat and I clapped my hand over my mouth in horror and mortification. A squeaky groan escaped my fingers and I shifted my eyes side to side. "Ehh… I-I need to-to…eehhh… M-Mother's waiting for me." And without even waiting for Peeta's response, I turned around and practically _ran_ out of the bakery, head clutched in my hands, face brilliantly red with embarrassment. "Smooth move, Katniss… Smooth move…"

I didn't even glance behind me in time to see Peeta lean forwards on the counter, grinning madly to himself.

Back at home, I refused to tell anyone why I had a permanently humiliated face on. Prim asked me several times, but each time I mumbled some excuse and shuffled away quickly.

It was past lunchtime, and I was laying in bed. I was tired from not getting a lot of sleep, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't fall asleep to my nap. The covers were tucked snugly around me and my pillow and fresh and cool. The lights were out and everything was silent, but the sleep gods must be working against me right now. I sighed into my pillow. No nap for me I guess.

My stomach was empty because I'd skipping lunch, but I didn't feel very hungry. I felt fine, in fact, other than secretly hating myself for making such a stupid comment to Peeta. I could have thought of anything. I could have _said_ anything, anything except for "you're a really great kisser". Sure, it was the truth, but that went against everything I was pounding on myself. First off, I was trying to temporarily wean myself from needing him (and wanting him) so much, including admitting there was something romantic between us. That was strictly out-of-bounds, and even if it wasn't, you just don't SAY stuff like that. Double out-of-bounds. I moaned to myself.

Mother came home at six-thirty, but it was seven until I noticed. Just an hour before, I had _miraculously_ managed to fall into a very light sleep. I woke up to Mother tapping on my door.

"Katniss, it's dinnertime." She said, cracking open the door. "Come on, honey, you can sleep after you get some sustenance in your system."

I groaned.

"Come on, hon. Prim told me you've been acting odd. You probably just need to eat. Come on." She came into my room and turned the light on.

The fluorescent yellow pierced my sleepy eyes as I sat up. "Ow," My mind, though fuzzy, assured me food was definitely wanted right now. I sighed. You win, I'm up.

Mother seemed pleased with herself as she saw me get up and shuffle out the door.

It was only until I went into the kitchen (with my wrinkled clothes and mussed-up hair) when I realized there was an extra voice added to our dinner setting. Prim and Peeta were snorting with laughter over what seemed to be soup and cheese sandwiches. When I took a disgruntle seat next to Prim, they both looked up. Judging by how Prim acted completely normal, Peeta _hadn't_ told her about my stupidity (she surely knew by herself). I wanted to look up and thank him with a straight face, but the rush of blood into my cheeks again was inevitable.

"Were you sleeping?" Peeta inquired, taking a bite of his sandwich, acting completely innocent and nonchalant. But when I looked into his eye, I could tell he was trying to hold in laughter. About what, I knew exactly.

"Yeah." I dropped my gaze and began eating. Maybe if I engage myself wholly in this dinner, I'd convince my mind he wasn't actually _there_. It didn't work. I felt his laughter echoing in my head, even though it was one-hundred percent silent.

When the eating slowed down to a halt, Mother set down her silverware. "So…" She cleared her throat. "We have a big week ahead of us."

I raised my head, doing my best not to look at Peeta. "How so?"

"Well," Mother folded her hands on the table. "Tomorrow I got the hospital to give me and Prim a day off to plan more of the wedding. And Wednesday Annie and Finnick are coming with Jace. I might be able to get then off as well. And something….something was happening Thursday…" She furrowed her brow and pulled a yellow notebook out of her pocket, ruffling through the pages.

Peeta cleared his throat. "Katniss has an appointment with Dr. Aurelis."

Mother's face split into a semi-relieved grin. "Oh, that's right. Thank you, Peeta."

I couldn't help. My eyes narrowed into slits and I dragged them slowly onto Peeta. He caught my menacing glare and immediately his smile disappeared.

"It's alright, _Mother_." I said, still glowering at Peeta. "You can cancel the appointment. I'm _fine_."

But Mother didn't get a chance to reply, because Peeta shook his head,

"It's just an appointment, Katniss. It'll do you some good to go."

"'Do me some good'? I'm doing fine on my own, thanks!" My hands were quivering ever so slightly, so I lowered them onto my lap. "You had—You have no…_no_ right to-to…"

I reached up and ran a hand through his unkempt blond hair with a look of barely contained frustration. "I had no right to what, Katniss?"

Answers boiled in my throat, but I swallowed them down with difficulty. If I responded how I wanted, a fight would start and we shouldn't have a fight. We _couldn't_ have a fight, not in front of my family, or them in the same house for that matter. In fact, we shouldn't ever fight. I should answer, I shouldn't answer. No… I took a moment to rub my forefingers on my temples, and then I stood up. "Never mind. I'm going to bed. Goodnight."

And I left before I could see any of their expressions. It was a shame, though, because if I'd seen Peeta's, I would have known he'd come after me. I knew it anyways.

He caught my arm just before I reached the stairs and spun me around. When I just scowled, he opened his mouth to say something. But he didn't. Instead, Peeta sighed and dropped my arm.

"I told you, Peeta," I began, my voice cracking only slightly. "I don't need anyone's help. I want to do this on my own."

"But we're not just doing this for _you_, Katniss. It isn't just this…thing you started Saturday. It's the entire past two years." Peeta took my wrist again, but gentler this time. "All we want is to see you better again, Katniss. And besides," His mouth twitched into a sad, crooked smile. "It's just one appointment. What could it possibly hurt to go?"

Suddenly exhausted, I sat down on the stairs and put my head in my hands. "My dignity? My pride?"

He had no answer to that.

After a few seconds, I felt Peeta sit down next to m. He kept silent for a while, not moving, not touching me. Part of me wanted him to, wanted to feel the security that had failed to make a reappearance ever since I banned myself from him. It was awful.

"You'd better get some sleep, Katniss." He said softly a few minutes later. When I finally brought my hands away from my face, I took his own and let him help me up. "We'll talk more tomorrow?"

And at that moment, when the corner of his mouth twitched up into a smile, I saw…something. Past the scares, protective boy in the arena. Past the bakers' son, town boy, past all that. I think…well, I wasn't sure, but I think I saw Peeta just then. _My_ Peeta, the real one, which is what I think I might have been looking for when I banished myself from him. But as soon as I supposedly pinned it, it was slipped away.

Peeta caught me staring. "What?"

"Nothing." I just shook my head, feeling odd in the stomach. "I thought I saw something…"

I got a nice, typical-Peeta smile in return. "Sleep well."

Nodding, I took a few steps up the stairs. "You, too." I had gotten about halfway up when I faltered and turned around. Looking back, I saw him still standing there, looking up at me. "Goodnight, Peeta."

For a second he looked sad, longing. "Goodnight, Katniss."

Feeling odd, I turned back around and walked up to my room. Confused, afflicted thoughts bounced around in my cranium for a bit while I stripped off my clothes and put on some pajamas (the pj pants Peeta had given me, and just an undershirt). Standing there in the middle of my large room, staring at m bed, it looked surprisingly sad. Maybe it missed Peeta, too. I knew I did. It was lonely at night, but in the end it'll work and turn out to be good.

I had almost convinced myself of that when I crawled into bed, propping my chin up on my folded arms. It was cool in here, but under the blankets it was toasty. For a second I let my eyes close and I imagined a week ago. It didn't seem too long ago, but it felt it. And when I opened my eyes, I had thought Peeta would be there next to me like always. He wasn't.

I sighed and closed my eyes. It'll turn out, Katniss. It'll turn out…

When I opened my eyes next, I was sitting on the forest floor with my little sister. Prim was fiddling with a chain of daisies,

"What are you doing here?" I asked, my voice echoing oddly.

Prim looked at me with her usual dimpled smile. "I want to talk to you."

A squirrel passed.

"About what?"

"Peeta."

Oh, _Jesus_, not this again. How come I didn't dream about normal things like normal people? Because I wasn't normal, obviously.

Groaning, I rolled over and grabbed the lovely aspen tree next to me. It was already in full bloom, green leaves swishing in the wind. Too bad it was only a foot tall. I hung on tighter.

"Since you won't tell me in real life, I thought I might—"

"Get out of my head…" I mumbled, still holding the tree. "You're not really here."

Prim sighed. "That's childish, Katniss, stop it."

I didn't. Instead, I squeezed my eyes shut, and when I opened them, I was in my room again, back in bed.

"Jeez…" I grumbled to myself. Rubbing my eyes, I stood up and shuffled to the bathroom. I used the toilet and filled up on some more water, but in case I need to rely on my bladder to wake me up out of another insane dream.

It was completely dark outside, but I had no clue what time it was. There wasn't talking going on downstairs as far as I heard, and there wasn't a light penetrating the dark of the hallway, which meant no one was up. Stifling a yawn, I just crawled back under the covers and closed my eyes. Sleep found me in no time at all.

The next dream came to me quick and I was sitting on the grass. It took my dream-self a moment to orient herself and realize the dark shapes in front of her were houses. I frowned, not at all surprised, but just because it felt like a good thing to do, frowning. What an odd, pointless dream. I was about to stand up when a presence nearby made me pause.

Prim was there next to me, as she was in my last dream. I just didn't remember the last dream, so I just shrugged and looked back at the houses.

"Hey, Katniss." She said nonchalantly.

I greeted her back. "Hello, Prim. What are we doing here sitting on the ground?"

She shrugged, then nodded towards the nearest house, which happened to be mine. "Waiting."

We waited. There wasn't much to think about in a dream, I realized. It was actually kind of boring as we sat. But then I spotted a movement over by the house, and both mine and Prim's eyes trained over there.

The front door opened and _Peeta,_ of all people, walked out. Past him into the house I saw that it was me who opened the door. But, in being in a dream, I didn't find this odd, and I kept watching. The look on the third Katniss' face was like a grimace, except vulnerable and upset. She said something inaudible to Peeta, who nodded, obviously not too overjoyed. Prim and I watched as the other me closed the door, leaving Peeta standing on my porch, along in the dim light of my dream. Something tugged in my chest and I felt guilty. My eyes followed the dejected form of Peeta as he just _sat_ on the porch steps and rubbed his hand on his forehead.

"Peeta!" I called out, but nothing came from my mouth except puffs of air.

There was a silence between the three of us for a moment, obviously, or else I would have said something.

"Are you going to be childish and wake yourself up again, Katniss?" Prim finally broke the quiet and glanced over at me with a surprisingly menacing 15-year-old scowl.

_This is a dream,_ I told myself. _Where are all the purple trees and strangers attempting murder?_ Normal dreams didn't have shockingly realistic versions of your little sister giving you advice and lectures about your fiancé

I sighed. _Only a dream._ "I'm not going to. But I still don't understand what's going on! This is just a dream, right? I'm not like some crazy version of the Ghost of Christmas Past, am I?"

Prim laughed, sweet and light, like the Prim I know. "Don't be silly. This is all just in your head."

"Then what is Peeta doing over there and what are _we_ doing over _here_?"

"Because…" She paused and folded her legs neatly under the edge of her blue dress. "We've noticed, Mother and I. I want you to talk to me, even if only in a dream. You barely said anything at all the night before. Talk, Katniss." It was a command.

I sighed. "What's to talk about? I made a decision that I was going to get…sane before Peeta and I marry, and that means distancing myself from him. I'm trying to…to…" My dream-self scoffed, suddenly feeling stupid. Thankfully, Prim let the sentence hang.

There was another long silence, but I wasn't the one to end it.

"I think it's hurting him." Her voice wasn't low or sad, but factual, to my surprise.

Glancing up, I saw that Peeta had left. No idea where he went, I didn't see it.

"Something is really messing him up." Prim continued, not waiting for me to say anything. "You should realize that maybe you're taking this too far.

Frowning, I scooted over on my behind to face Prim, legs crossed. "Prim, I'm doing this for _him_. He doesn't want to marry an insane woman, no one does."

"Has he ever _asked_ you to stop talking to him? Has he ever actually _wanted_ you to do this?"She wasn't looking at me, but her young voice wasn't just coming from where she sat next to me. It echoed from out in the field, from the sky above, quaking everywhere around me. "Peeta's told you that he's trying to help. All he wants is you, sane or not, and he's willing to do _anything_ to help, but…you need to _want_ him to help."

I didn't say anything, trying to let the words soak in.

"Let's face it, Katniss, you're not being very fair." Primrose looked at me again, this time her brows sad. But not for me. "Peeta is known by every single girl in Panem. He's intelligent, he's gorgeous, and he can cook. He's probably nicer than any other guy in Panem, but he wants _you_. He chooses _you_, and you're making him sit there while you debate whether or not to take therapy. He could have literally anyone he wants, he could leave you any second for any reason, but he doesn't. And he won't. Because he loves you, Katniss, and doing all this for you…" she shrugged. "Well, you owe him."

If this was real life, I'd probably be in a fit of furious tears by now, stomping all around in a bout of rage and self-loathing, crying my eyes out over the sheer truth of things. But instead, I just sat, letting the words float around in my head like they're in honey. I knew them, I understood the words, but I didn't …_understand _them enough to argue or pick a fight. I just responded as I did before.

"This is for him, though. I-I love him and…and..." For no reason I fully comprehended myself, I stood up and began a brisk walk towards the house I knew to be Peeta's in the dream. He _had_ to be in there, where else would he be? I needed to apologize to him. I need to…I need to…

"Katniss," A grip on my wrist made me spin around, but a wave of vertigo washed over me. Because when I opened my eyes wide to stare at the person behind me, it wasn't anyone. It was my bedroom ceiling.

It was hard getting my mind dragged back into reality. My brain followed a second after my eyes, but a second too late. Like water through fingers, the dream fell away from me, whisked from my mind. Someone was yelling from downstairs, but I was only fully conscious when they stopped yelling. I had no idea what they were yelling, or who was yelling in the first place. Grumbling slightly, I just buried my head back in my pillow. I thought they'd leave me alone. I thought wrong.

"Katniss," Prim burst into my room, breathless, and hopped onto the bed next to me, sending me jolting a few inches into the air. Good thing all the beds in the Victor's houses were king-sized. "Get up, Katniss! Annie and Finnick are here early!"

**oOo**

_Not much to say in this except review! I know a bunch of people read each chapter on average, so it should be that hard to get over 20. Honestly. :D But anyways, have a good…beginning of July, and such. Love you all, and stay tuned for the next edition of GRAVITY: Unleash the Mellark Babies. Now in theaters._


	44. Chapter 44

_This starts off right after the last, and I send my BIG thanks to Mancpotter for being my slavey-boy and chopping the original 10,000-word chapter into smaller ones. ;) So enjoy this reading, and review of course! So there's going to be a few more really close together. ;)_

**oOo**

The information ran thickly through my head, and when it finally settled, I groaned and rolled my head away from her, mumbling, "No, Prim, that's tomorrow… Go back to sleep…"

"No _Katniss_, they're here now! Come on!" She grabbed my wrist and practically dragged me out of bed.

With every step out of my room I took, the more I believed and was excited. Annie and Finnick were here early! With Jace! But it took seeing for believing for me, and sure enough, when I stepped into the living room, there they were. Mother, Finnick and Annie were seated on the couches around the coffee table, laughing and chatting like the good old times. Finnick's arm was draped over Annie's shoulders, and on Annie's lap was Jace. He was sitting there, in a tiny version of a T-shirt and jeans, sucking on his fingers. Dark brown hair stuck up everywhere, and his baby-black eyes were beginning to turn green like both his parents'.

When I came in (in a pair of Peeta's pajama bottoms and my undershirt, horribly messy hair, but when you're in the Games together, you didn't really care anymore), Mother, Finnick and Annie stood up. I couldn't help but smile when I was caught in a deathly bear-hug by Finnick, who ruffled my hair even more when he let go.

"Long time no see." He grinned, eyes sparkling like I had only seen them do when Jace was born. His sea-green eyes raked over my horrible attire and he wolf-whistled. "You look _ravishing_, Katniss, I see Victor's life is treating you well?"

"It's nice to see you, too, Finnick." And it really was.

Next, Annie stepped in front of her man and wrapped me in a gentle, warm hug, careful not to squish Jace in between us. "It's so good to see you again, Katniss. It's been long enough!"

"Seems like forever since I last saw you two." And I let my eyes drop onto the adorable month-old Jace. "And you, little guy." My voice involuntarily went into a coo. He was even more adorable than the pictures on my nightstand could replicate. Though it automatically made me jealous and wish I had a kid of my own, I was able to control those feelings when Annie handed him to me.

He fixed his giant eyes on me and simply stared, not dropping his tiny, wet fingers from his mouth.

"How's my little man?" I asked softly, smiling at how much he looked like Annie. It was ridiculous. Tiny button nose, eyebrows that ended in a little wing, dimple on his chin. He was still pink from being new, but the baby smell still hadn't worn off. I stuck my tongue out at him and he giggled.

"Here," I gave Jace back to his mother reluctantly, only wishing I could hold him for years longer. "He's growing…"

Finnick took his son from Annie and took a step away, preceding to bounce him in the air, only making him laugh harder. He gave Annie and I time to be excited together.

"I was waiting for you to come tomorrow so we can make more solid wedding arrangements." I admitted, but it was impossible not to be excited. "You have to meet Ivy, my other bridesmaid, and her mother, Caroline."

Annie, who was smiling so much there were gigantic dimples on either side of her smile, put both hands on my shoulders. "That sounds great. But, Katniss?"

My smile faltered at her looked, which was amused but unsure. "What?"

"It might be nice to put on some clothes first."

Red rushed into my cheeks when Finnick laughed out loud, pausing playing with his son. "What _were_ you doing up there?"

I scoffed in accusation, putting my hands on my hips. "Peeta's at his bakery, _Finnick_."

Everyone laughed. Mother covered her mouth and closed her eyes, trying to hide the fact that she was laughing, just like Primrose, Annie and Finnick.

"You said it, not me. I wasn't insinuating _anything_." Finnick was still grinning, and he glanced down at his son. "We're the only sane ones here, Jace. We had better make a run for it while we still can."

My cheeks were burning scarlet and I stomped up the stairs before anyone else could make any innuendos. I didn't believe Finnick for _one second_ that he wasn't insinuating anything. He always did, and it was to be expected. I wasn't sure whether to be angry, annoyed or just amused. All three was fine.

I kicked off Peeta's pajama bottoms, they _were_ mine, technically, and put on some khaki trousers, then pulled a white T-shirt over my head. Neither of those were Peeta's, so I think I was fine. With a quick glance in the bathroom mirror, I saw my hair was a rat's nest. I combed it out thoroughly and pulled it back in a braid. It appeared that everything was fine for a second, and I was about to head back downstairs when I decided to splash some cold water on my face. There, not blushing anymore.

When I went back downstairs, Prim wasn't there. I asked Mother, who was busy cuddling Jace.

"Oh, Prim went over to Peeta's house to see if he's there." She said, not looking at me.

I felt a tiny bit annoyed. "He's at the bakery. I told you."

Mother then gave me a smarty-pants look. "Then go get him. I want him to help with breakfast. These two are starved."

It was pointless to argue that he's working. I just sighed in defeat, and then nodded. "Alright."

"And hurry, okay?"

Yes, master. I nodded and then jogged out the door.

It was a twenty-minute walk to the bakery from our house. But jogging it was barely ten. I skidding through the door nine minutes later and leaned against the wall to catch my breath. When I finally did and looked around, I saw Benj, the new baker, at counter duty. He was adjusting the cookie trays when I walked up.

"Where's Peeta?" I asked, not unkindly. It was still somewhat amusing yesterday when he flirted with me, but it was even more amusing Peeta's reaction. Never mind I made a complete fool of myself.

"He's in back, in the kitchen." Benj didn't look at me, newly afraid because I was 'the baker's girl'. "Working on some…cake…" He shrugged, and then chanced a look up at me, not smiling.

The meaner part in me gave him a nice smile. "Can I go back and see him?"

For some odd reason, Benj darted out from behind the counter and stood in front of the door. "Sorry, but he said…well, he told me that if you came in you can't go in back. Sorry."

I frowned. "Did he say why?"

He shook his head.

"Well, then go in there yourself and tell him that I need to talk to him."

The first time today, he gave me a timid smile, and then got braver and flat-out grinned. "Yeah, I can do that." And he opened the kitchen door a crack and slid in. Whatever Peeta was doing in there, he obviously went to pretty good measures to make sure I didn't see it.

I hummed, waiting. But I didn't need to wait too long. Just ten seconds later, the door reopened and Peeta came out. He carefully shut the door behind him.

"Hey, Katniss." Peeta smiled lightly, leaning against the now-closed kitchen door. "What do you need to talk about? Benj said it was important."

"Benj doesn't know anything." I said, but then frowned at myself because that was harsh. "Well, it kind of is but… Anyways, Finnick and Annie are here early."

"Early?" Peeta's eyebrows raised in surprise. "Like, right now?"

I nodded. "Right now. And Mother sent me to get you to…to cook breakfast for them." I cringed, but only because Mother was just really…impossible sometimes. "I-I'm sorry, I told her you were busy. But she wouldn't take no. I'm sorry."

Peeta shook his head. "No big deal. I'll come." He began untying his apron, and as he was, I bit my lip.

"What _were_ you working on back there?" I asked, cocking my head slightly. "Benj acted like it was a top-secret operation."

"Benj doesn't know anything." He used that chance to wink at me. "I was just working on something, and I didn't want to be disturbed."

I raised my eyebrows skeptically. "He told me that you told him to not let _me_ in. Specifically."

Peeta still waved that off. "It's a surprise." With a small smile, he poked his head back in the back kitchen. "Benjamin, I'm taking off right now. Don't touch the cake or anything for that matter. I'll be back in an hour or two." He hung up his apron and waved his hand to the door. "Shall we go?"

Now, being the Victor's Village houses, they naturally had about everything. But half of the stuff I hadn't realized even _existed_, but only because we didn't use them every day. When Peeta and I walked into Mother's house, we were surprised to hear music playing from invisible speakers. Of course, the house had a place to insert music chips. No one ever really bothered to find where it was, though, but it was nice anyway. I can see why Rue loved it so much, in the background, setting happy moods.

Things happened something like how they happened with me. Finnick clapped Peeta on the back, avoiding (thankfully) any innuendos about us two (for once). Annie hugged him tightly and then handed Peeta Jace, to hold. His lips pursed tight with an attempt not to smile sadly, and I knew what he was thinking. I didn't linger on it too long, because Mother pushed me out of the way to hug Peeta (long time no see, like nine hours).

"These two are _starving_, Peeta." She said, holding his shoulders. "Care to help with a big breakfast?"

Of course, he agreed, even though I grimaced apologetically at him.

"It's okay, Ms. Everdeen." Annie protested, who had Jace back in her arms, gave Mother a smile. "We don't need something big."

"You're exaggerating." I mumbled to my mother, sitting down on the couch.

"Nonsense," She just waved her hand and practically bounced into the kitchen, followed by an awkward Peeta. I guess she was as happy as I was to see everyone again.

Over eating, there was barely a minute of silence. Jace was seated securely on his mother's lap, who had one arm around Jace. It was a large breakfast by measure, but it was slowly being erased.

"It's a really nice surprise that you came early." Mother was beaming, apparently thrilled that they were all there, and overly enthusiastic for her sombre temperament.

"Yeah," I smiled at Annie (we had become very good friends since Jace's birth). "I, uh… Finnick said you had an appointment today. Did that get moved or…something?" I hoped it wasn't too personal to ask about that over breakfast.

Annie laughed. "No. I just didn't need it. The doctor there, Dr. Aurelis, called me and said that someone else needed to visit today and if I could cancel." She shrugged. "With hope I won't need to see him anymore."

Finnick seemed happy, his eyes crinkling up as he looked down at her. He discreetly put his arm around her waist. We were all thinking the same thing, about how a year ago Annie was considered a crazy lady, and now she was perfectly normal. Though I didn't know exactly what changed her, I didn't want to ask.

"So how long do you think you can stay?" Prim popped a piece of blueberry pancake in her mouth.

"Honestly?" Finnick smiled and shook his head. "As long as possible, District 13 is driving us all crazy. And since District 4 isn't going to be ready for another two years, most likely more."

It genuinely made me sad hearing that. A frown crept onto my face and I stared at my food. Then an idea popped into my mind and I snapped my head up. "You three can stay here, with us."

"In the same house?" Mother laughed, glancing over at Finnick and Annie with obvious embarrassment, then back at me. "Katniss, dear, they can't live in the same house as us for two years. It's just not done."

Redness crept onto my cheeks, just because she thought that. "No, Mother, I meant in Victor's Village. There're no Peacekeepers to tell us what to do. The other houses are just sitting there gathering dust. They might as well be put to use." I took a drink of my orange juice and sat back, watching all of them mull my idea over.

It was Peeta who looked surprised and nodded appreciatively. "That actually isn't a bad idea. Maybe not for two whole years, but for now. At the very least until the wedding."

The nods from Mother and Prim told us it was a unanimous agreement, and we all looked over at Finnick and Annie for the last thoughts.

Finnick looked eager, but it was Annie who spoke first.

"I don't know, Katniss…" She bit her lower lip. "Those are…_giant _houses, and they aren't…aren't meant for us."

Peeta shrugged. "Well, there aren't going to be any more victors, so if they aren't free to you guys, I don't' know who they're free to."

"If they were actually 'free' to the public, people would already be living in them. Lord knows they're desirable. Everyone would be fighting over them, the hot, running water, the multiple bedrooms, the incredible size and such. If they were free to us, they'd be free to everyone else, and they're not."

Part of me wondered why she was fighting this.

Prim shrugged matter-of-factly. "Maybe they're just…afraid of living here. Maybe something about worthiness. For most of their entire lives, nearly everything had a consequence, and they're just afraid something will happen to them if they dare even step foot in the Village."

Prim had a point. And Annie knew it.

She sighed in defeat, gazing down at her baby son. "I guess…it couldn't hurt, for now."

Smiles slid over all our faces, Finnick's the biggest. He squeezed her hand briefly with reassurance. "Don't worry, Annie. It's going to be a ton easier taking care of Jace this way."

Annie couldn't help but smile at this, and we could all see the relief on her face. After all, taking care of family was top-priority. I looked at Jace and felt my heart melt a little. I knew what I wanted, more than anything. But it wasn't time for that. MY eyes slid over to Peeta, who was laughing with Prim about something. He caught my look and I held it for only a moment more, but then dropped it. Patience, Katniss.

**oOo**

_Hey! You know how I said Mancpotter helped me out with this? Well, originally he had added on a few paragraphs to the end of this, making the day end, but I have to apologize because if you knew how elaborate and detailed I've planned the story for another week, you'd understand that I can't have them skip a day. Sorry! It was really excellent, though, and I just might have you write some on some other chapter. ;) Anyhoo, review!_


	45. Chapter 45

_I'm sorry these next few chapters are a bit choppy at the beginning and end. It was supposed to be one big chapter. I'm sure you understand. _

**oOo**

We ate for a bit, and during a lull in our conversation, Annie decided to bring up the wedding topic again.

"Have you decided on a date yet? For the wedding?"

Peeta and I exchanged a look.

"Well, there's still quite a bit to be done, Annie." I said, pulling up the list in my head. "We still need to get the bridesmaid dresses, and _my_ dress, figure out exactly what's going to happen that day, um…" I racked my brains.

"I'm working on our cake." Peeta said with a factual look on, and he preceded drenching his last pancake in syrup.

"So _that's_ why you wouldn't let me back there…" I nodded in understanding, and looked back down at my food. I wasn't sure why I didn't see it before. Coughing, I changed the subject. "But I was thinking about seeing if we can gather Ivy and Caroline back up to look at dresses again. Caroline has today off."

Annie smiled at the idea. "Yes, I'd like to meet them."

Peeta, who had started smiling, glanced up to look at me. "I take it it's a girls-only thing, right?"

"Sorry, Peeta." There was an automatic smile on my face as well. "But if we go into town early, we might be done in time for lunch. And we could…all have lunch in town or something."

"A picnic in the meadow!" Prim suggested excitedly, already done with her breakfast. "With everyone."

"Good idea, Prim." Mother smiled, but then glanced at me with a curious look. "Are you going to let your mother come to look at dresses, too?"

I hesitated, but felt a bit guilty. "Ehh… We're not looking at dresses for _me_ today. It's just the ones for Annie, Prim and Ivy."

"So no, then." Mother shrugged, thankfully not miffed. "That's good because I have just a tad more work to finish up here at home. With luck I'll finish in time for the picnic."

The whole kitchen had this air of satisfaction that we're _finally_ getting somewhere. Jace had started to squirm, so Annie left the kitchen to feed him his breakfast. Finnick then had both hands to finish his breakfast, and when he did, he leaned forward on his elbows.

"Girls get all the fun." He confided in Peeta, sighing dramatically, flicking a bit of bronze hair out of his eyes.

I smirked. "Are you referring to the breast-feeding part or the dress shopping part?"

That got a laugh out of everyone here.

"Breast-feeding, definitely." Finnick winked at me, but unlike the way Benj did. He was obviously just joking around. "I _actually_ meant the part where the girls just wandered off in their little herds, leaving the men sitting at home expected to do something productive."

Peeta, who had inhaled some water when Finnick said 'breast-feeding', was unable to answer, so Prim piped up.

"You and Peeta could be getting one of the Victor's houses ready." She suggested, still smiling at the joke. "Have it nice and clean by the time Annie gets back."

"Well, if Mother's going to be busy with her work, you and Peeta cleaning up the house, and the rest of us gone, who's going to watch Jace?" I asked Finnick, tucking a piece of air behind my ear.

"I'll take him with me." Annie, who had gotten done feeding Jace surprisingly earlier than any of us had thought, came in and took her seat. "He can meet Ivy and Caroline, too."

"Okay," Finnick nodded. "When are you going to leave?"

My sister and I glanced around at everyone seated around the table. We were all done eating and leaning on the tables in classic meeting postures.

I was about to suggest now, but I wasn't able.

"I think Annie and Finnick should have the opportunity to freshen up a bit and get a little more relaxed before you go off on your little adventure." She offered. "If you want to, of course."

Annie smiled gratefully. "Thank you. I'm going to take you up on that offer. We had to be at the train station an hour early, and the ride was awful." She rolled her eyes. "We only got about two hours of sleep each."

District 13 got a train station? Huh… Guess they didn't feel the need to stay reclusive that much ever since the Capitol's downfall.

"Oh, well then," Mother stood up and practically shooed them out.

Prim, smirking, followed. I was about to stand up, too, when I noticed Peeta hadn't moved. He was just still sitting at the table, fingers curled around a glass of water. He met my gaze and shrugged. Oddly enough, I felt the urge to join him, so I refilled my cup and took a seat next to him.

Things were quiet between us for a minute, until Peeta spoke.

"How are you doing?" He asked with an inexpressive look. "With…everything."

I sighed, rubbing my forehead. "I guess I'm doing okay. Tired, but just trying to remember my dream I had last night."

Peeta blinked. "I meant with the…the thing we discussed Saturday." It was obvious he didn't know what to call it. I guess I didn't either.

"Oh…" I narrowed my eyes unsurely at my glass of water. Honesty. Honesty is important. I can be honest to him, nothing has changed between us. It felt like ages since we'd last held hands or kissed or anything. "It's…hard." I said truthfully, eyebrows slanting sadly. "Harder than I'd thought. Being away from you." I glanced up at him, almost afraid of his reaction.

He looked sympathetic. "I know what you mean. Trust me." His hand twitched, and he sighed, running it through his hair instead. "I'm kind of…afraid of touching you now. I don't know what to do any more."

I felt awful all of a sudden, and I opened my mouth. But the words that were about to come out were suddenly forced to a stop by a déjà-vu. I frowned as a sentence popped up in my mind.

_Has he ever __asked__ you to stop talking to him?_

For a split-second I tried to think of exactly what that had a connection to do with anything in my brain, then it all came back. The sentences before. The sentences after. The warped dream-world I had watched Prim lecture me in. It was odd, and the sheer _oddness _of itmade me pause for a minute.

"…Katniss?" Peeta had his brows furrowed and was frowning at me. "Did I upset you?"

Slowly, I leaned my head down until my forehead was on the table. "No. I upset myself."

A pause. "Are you okay?"

Self-loathing stung my throat as I got up all of a sudden. "No, Peeta, I'm not okay. I'm horrible. I'm a horrible person." I turned to leave the kitchen, mostly because I didn't want Peeta to see me cry. That was new; he's seen me cry more times than I could count. But this particular time I didn't want him to see me shed a single tear over this. It was my fault after all.

Peeta grabbed my wrist before I could get out, and he spun me around, forcing me to look in his eyes. "K—"

"You hate me." I sputtered, trying not to let loose the faucet of my angst all over him. "You _should_ hate me. I don't deserve this, I don't deserve you. Don't even…don't even _look_ at me, don't…" It was impossible to stop the first couple of tears, and I hunched over to cough them out.

Peeta caught me and forced me to stand up straight, facing him, looking him in the eyes. "I do _not_ hate you, Katniss. What are you even talking about?" His blue eyes were fierce and unyielding, stubborn as the Peeta I've always known.

"I'm a terrible person. I'm sorry." I felt my shoulders shaking with the almost-silent sobs. This was all of a sudden, and as painful as any other bout of self-loathing. "I'm sorry, Peeta. I'm _really_ sorry."

He turned from stubborn to helpless, and Peeta abandoned his 'I'm-afraid-to-touch-you' to put his hands on either side of my face. "What are you talking about? Why are you crying?"

"B-Because I'm a terrible person." I choked, and then—surprising even myself—I leaned forward and wrapped my arms tightly around Peeta's neck, burying my face in his warm shoulder. "I-I still love you even if-if I'm awful to you, P-Peeta." I found myself saying into his shirt collar, still feeling the cold tears running down my face. "I still l-love you even though it may not s-seem."

He only hesitated for a second before he wrapped his own arms around me and pressed me tightly against him. One hand buried in my hair, the other just circled my small waist. "Don't cry, Katniss. Please don't cry."

Out of all of the things he wanted (most of which I wasn't sure of), he asked this of me right now and I _couldn't do it_. I did my best, taking shaky breaths, swallowing my tears. I tightened my arms around his neck as I concentrated on just breathing in and out. I needed to do this for him, if nothing else. Slowly but surely I made my tears go away. Though I was still trembling with tiny sobs, I wasn't all-out bawling anymore.

Peeta smoothed the hair back from my face. "Thank you."

I had stopped crying, yes, but it had been days since I've actually felt Peeta like this. Days may not seem like much, but it felt like years for me. I didn't say anything back to that, only pressed my eyes closed against his throat. I could feel his heartbeat. Darn it, this isn't helping me any. Taking another shaky breath, I pulled away. My hands reached up to wipe under my eyes at the same time.

"God, Peeta, I'm sorry." I sniffed, swallowing leftover sadness down. "Had a little breakdown, there."

He was extremely reluctant, but he did. "Are you alright, Katniss? What brought that on?"

I didn't answer for a bit. The guilt still weighed on my chest like a stone. I glanced up and looked at Peeta. I mean, _really_ looked. He wasn't just some other tribute I decided to love, certainly not. He wasn't just the blond-haired blue-eyed town boy who just _happened_ to have eyes for me since kindergarten. He wasn't just the smiley, eloquent boy who went along with the Capitol just so I'd live. He didn't just hold me in his arms at night. He is the boy who wakes me up when he thinks I'm having a nightmare. Who, even though I've been acting distant and cold, still takes my hand and wipes away my tears.

And that's what he did.

"I'm sorry if I upset you last night, Katniss. I'm sorry if I _ever_ upset you, which I know I do." Peeta wiped his thumb under my eye again to catch a fresher tear. "I know you're going through some pretty difficult stuff, and I know you're trying to…take a break or whatever, but…" He trailed off, and didn't finish his sentence.

"Peeta," I shook my head. "The reason I acted like that all of a sudden is because I had a crushing realization that knocked my brain off its axis. And I've been..._completely _unfair to you. Don't ask me to explain because I won't, but… I want to know what it is you want."

Peeta gave me a puzzled look, and I sighed.

"Every time I have doubts about what I'm doing, I find myself telling myself that it's for you, but…you've never asked me to do this. You never wanted it. And I realized that if this is going to be for both of us, I need your input." I rubbed my eyes and looked back up at him. "Maybe it'll help."

He took me completely seriously and thought about it for a long while. I watched the gears turning in his head, and his breathing fell even. I didn't let go of his hand while he thought. It was helping me not fall on my face. And finally, he snapped out of his intense reverie.

Peeta licked his lips nervously and took a deep breath. "I want…you to forget the Games ever happened."

Thoughts exploded in my mind, making it reel, and my mouth opened and closed with silent words.

"I know how that sounds, Katniss, and it's asking a lot of you." he said quickly, grabbing my other hand. "But I see us, the us hat was happy, and then I see you, trying so hard to reach something you don't even know what it is. Where or not you chose to stay in a relationship with me is up to you, but I refuse to sit by and watch you slowly kill yourself from the inside out, trying to do something unknown to the both of us. This gives us something to reach for, a goal made that's plausible and possible to accomplish."

All that waiting and I felt disappointed, deflated. "You want me to forget the Games, that's impossible. I still have nightmares about them to this day, and you want me to pretend they never happened?"

"No, Katniss." Peeta was making no sense. "I want you to put them behind you. You're a past-dweller, and to you, I'm still the boy from the arena. We've both changed so much, and I'm nothing like him now. But you have trouble seeing the changes made, you don't see me _now_. You asked what I want? I want you to forget what the Game's taught you about me."

My heartbeat was loud in my ears as I processed this. Okay. _Okay_. I swallowed once more. "I want that, too." I paused again. "But I don't know how to do that." A sentence popped up in my head, and it was obviously from my dream, because it was in Prim's voice. _You have to_ want _him to help_. Some part of my pride flinched away from actually asking him for help. But I had to force that down and look Peeta in the eye. "I don't…know how to do that, but… I'm open to help." Come on, Katniss. "Please help."

And Peeta did what I wouldn't think he'd do. He threw his head back and laughed. "I'll do my best, Katniss."

There was a pause between us, which was a little bit awkward. Our hands dropped, and my head was running through some words he said, considering them. _Whether or not you choose to stay in a relationship with me is up to you…_ I guess he was right, for the most part. But jeez, if I _did_ get back into a relationship with him, it made sense that I wouldn't get better. The most effective way of forgetting about the Games would be refusing to see him for like two years, but two _days_ was hard. That method was definitely out. The way that made the most sense (besides from not seeing him for two years) was just to keep doing what I'm doing. It didn't seem to appealing, considering how I was going on major Peeta-withdrawal, but I could do it. And he's going to help.

Sighing, I just put my arms around Peeta and closed my eyes against his shoulder for a minute. Just for a minute. He laced his fingers at the small of my back and put his chin on the top of my head.

"Katniss, Annie—oh." Prim came into the kitchen at that time, Jace in her arms, but when she saw me and Peeta, she stopped, cheeks turning pink. "Sorry. I'll…go now…." She turned to leave

"No, no, it's okay, Prim." I sniffed and pulled away from Peeta. "What's the matter?"

She still looked unsure and embarrassed. "Both Annie and Finnick are in the shower right now, and she asked if you could take care of Jace until they get out."

"Yeah, that's alright." Turning away from Peeta, I held my arms out and let Jace be put into them. He squirmed for a second, and then settled down when I tucked him into the crook of my arm. "I've got him.

"Yeah…" Prim rubbed her arm awkwardly, and then cast me and Peeta a smile. "I'll just…go now. See you later."

Frowning, I watched as she turned around and shuffled out.

I have to admit it was something new standing alone with Peeta, a baby in my arms. I rocked Jace a little bit, patting him on the back, lips pursed in awkward silence. Peeta leaned against the wall, eyeing Jace and I through thoughtfully narrowed eyes. About a minute after staring at us, he smiled.

"You look really cute with him." He noted, nodding his head at Jace.

I smiled a little bit, too, knowing exactly what he was thinking. "Thanks."

And without warning, Peeta left the room, just like that.

"Where are you…?" I trailed off, blinking at the kitchen door where he disappeared.

But it wasn't a minute after he left Peeta came back holding a black metal box-looking thing. It was only when he held it up to his eye when I flipped out, waving my free hand in front of my face.

"Oh God, no, Peeta. No pictures." I complained, holding Jace tighter to me as if he were a shield.

Peeta lowered the camera. "Come on, Katniss. Another one for the dresser."

"No."

He made a "not-amused" look at me. "Well, at least try to be angry at me while smiling." And he lifted the camera and took a picture without waiting even on second. With a whine and a sputter, the camera spit out a sheet of shiny black paper. Peeta took it out and set it on the table to develop. "Don't be such a baby."

I scowled at him, and then looked down at Jace. "Your daddy was wrong. It's men that are the crazy one's. Don't listen to a thing they say."

Jace did a raspberry and preceded to chew on my finger. _Boys_.

The picture took about ten minutes to develop, and when it did, Peeta held it up and laughed. "Perfect! Classic Katniss."

I snatched the picture from him with my free hand and stared at it. It wouldn't have been a half-bad picture if I wasn't scowling at him. It was actually kind of funny, because I was holding an adorable little baby in my arms, but my face was one of those "if-looks-could-kill" expressions. I gave it back to Peeta. "If you dare frame that and put it on your nightstand, I _will_ murder you in your sleep."

Peeta just laughed again and bent down to whisper to Jace. "See? Never be alone with a girl or bad things will happen to you." When he leaned back up and looked at me, smirking, I stuck my tongue out at him. After that I just wandered around the kitchen, ignoring Peeta and his remarks, rocking Jace subconsciously in my arms.

Finnick was the first one out of the shower, of course. He didn't take his kid back right away, and just stood with Peeta in the corner of the kitchen making sexist jokes with him. And when he _did_ want Jace back, I refused.

"You'll infect his mind with all your chauvinist crap." I said, sniffing.

"Exactly." Finnick winked at me and took a piece of fruit from the bowl on the counter.

In the end I had to give Jace back to Finnick because Mother came into the kitchen and said, "Katniss, dear, you and Annie are about the same size, right?"

I shrugged, cocking my head in curiosity. "I suppose, yes. Does she need some clothes?"

Mother nodded.

Sighing, I handed Jace back to his father and made sure to step on Finnick's toe while walking out.

Annie was in the master bathroom in the hallway, and when I approached the door I knocked timidly. "Annie?"

The door opened two inches and a sea-green eye peered out.

"It's okay," I reassured her. "The boys are in the kitchen busy teaching your son to be a sexist pig."

Annie opened the door a little more and gave a small laugh at that. Her brown hair was now nearly black with the water that hung on either side of her face. A towel was wrapped under her arms.

"You need to…borrow some clothes?"

An embarrassed smile crossed her lips. "Yeah. Jace was sick all over me and the extra pair I bought is packed away. But at least Jace lasted the train ride."

Ew. "Yeah… So, um," I glanced behind me to the stairs. "You want to sneak upstairs and see what I can find you?"

Annie tucked the towel even more securely around her and then nodded. "Please,"

I went first just to make sure there wasn't anyone in our path, then I ushered Annie up the stairs quick, all the while she was barely covered up, still dripping wet from the shower. I pointed out my room to her and we scuttled in, relieved that we made it passed our men into the safety of my girl-cave.

Letting out a tiny sigh of relief, I threw open my wardrobe doors and scanned through the selection of clothing. Annie sat on the bed.

"It's a good thing we're the same size. Is this ok?" I pulled out a pair of plain trousers and a green blouse that I didn't wear often and held them out to her.

Annie gave me a smile and took them with one hand. "Yes. Thank you, Katniss."

"Any time." I smiled back and pointed to the bathroom door. "You can change in there."

She did, and came back a few minutes later wearing the new clothes. The pants were about two inches too long, but the blouse looked nice. Annie shook her soggy hair out of her eyes. "Thanks," she repeated.

We went back downstairs and found Peeta lounging around on the couch, Jace on his lap, letting him roll around and chew on his fingers. Finnick wasn't anywhere near.

At the same time, both Annie and I said, "Where's Finnick?"

Peeta looked up. "He's in the bathroom."

There was a pause, in which Jace let out a gurgle and started pounding on Peeta's arm with his chubby fists.

"Get 'im, Jace." Finnick strode over, grinning at his son. He put his arm around Annie and gave her a small kiss.

Speak of the devil and the devil shall appear… I couldn't help but smile at the sight of Peeta, grinning, being pounded on by a month-old baby. He seemed to enjoy it.

Peeta hiked the kid in his arms and stood up. "Your mother is down in the basement getting some money for the trip." He said to me, smiling.

It was impossible not to smile back. "Where's the camera when I need it? Payback is unattainable. This time." I rolled my eyes.

He just winked, but nothing else was said until Mother and Prim came back, Mother holding a small-ish leather sack that was jingling with coins and dollar-notes.

"Here you go, hon." She handed it to me with a smile and I tucked it into my pocket. "So are you going off now?"

I glanced over at Prim, and then Annie. They shrugged and nodded. So I nodded back. Peeta was forced to hand Jace back to Annie, and he went to stand next to me. I wanted to hold his hand reassuringly, but seeing as how we were just going to be parting in a minute, it was pointless.

Finnick put his hands on either side of Annie's face, and I turned away, feeling invading of their personal moment. "Have fun," He pecked his wife on the lips and bent down closer to his son. "It's up to you now, Jace. Show the silly women who's the boss." He kissed Jace on the top of his head and took a step back.

The door was opened and Annie briefly put her arm around Prim as she went out, and then followed behind. I was about to rush after them with only a small goodbye, but something in me made me turn towards Peeta.

"I'll see you at lunch." I said, coaxing a smile onto my lips, then I reached up and kissed him on the cheeks.

Though he seemed a bit surprised, Peeta grinned at this. "I'll see you at lunch." He confirmed, and then practically shooed me out with that striking smile of his.

I said a quick goodbye to Finnick and Mother before rushing after Annie and Prim.

**oOo**

_This one ended much better than the last I thought. revvviiiiew!_


	46. Chapter 46

_Phew! I think this is the last one chopped from the big chapter, so enjoy, and things will get smoother from here!_

**oOo**

We walked to town in silence, and a little over halfway there, Prim asked to hold Jace, so Annie gave him to her and she talked to him the rest of the way, cooing and laughing when he laughed. I felt a little more like Katniss Everdeen right now. Wearing normal clothes, hair back in a braid, walking to town with Primrose and Annie. Sure, the baby was new, but he just added to the happy feel.

When we finally got into town and more into the heart of District 12, I came to a sudden realization that I had no idea where to find Ivy and Caroline. Caroline didn't work today, and I seriously doubted she is in town every day she has off. When we paused near the town square, squinted my eyes around in search for the tiny red-headed girl with her mother. No sign.

"So, where are Ivy and…her mother?" Annie glanced around, but obviously unsure what she was looking for.

I sighed. "That's what I'm trying to think of."

"If all else fails," Prim piped up, handed Jace back to his mother, "we could ask Mr. Webb where she lives."

"Who's…?" I started, but then remembered. "The tailor. I suppose we could…"

"Why ask the tailor?" Annie wrinkled her nose as she spoke, still looking around the square.

"Caroline, Ivy's mother, works there." I explained. "And I think that would be our best bet."

They both agreed, and Annie followed Prim and I as we traced our steps back to the tailors' ostentatious shop. And, of course, it was open. Hesitantly, I walked in and held the door open for the others to follow.

Mr. Webb was sitting at his desk, bent over a piece of paper that he was scribbling on. When the bell dinged, his head snapped up and his black eyes widened with recognition.

"Miss Everdeen, I didn't expect you back until tomorrow." He smiled a bit and his eyes raked over Prim, then stopped at Annie. "And I take it this is the other lovely girl? With…a child." Mr. Webb said this flatly, and it was impossible to tell what his thoughts of the baby were.

"This is Annie Cresta," I turned back to Annie. "This is Mr. Webb, the tailor. And Mr. Webb, this is Jace, her k—"

"How sweet." His black eyes crinkled.

I had forgotten to mention to Annie how…interesting the tailor was.

I shook off his ill manners and straightened my back. "We were wondering if you know where Caroline lives. We n—"

"Yes, the plans have changed since Ms. Cresta is here early. I understand." He folded his hands on his desk, but didn't get up. "Ms. Sawyer lives on Stalinbrooke. Number four."

"Thank you."

Mr. Webb's smile was to his ears, but slightly dry. "My pleasure. Come back soon."

I plan on it. Giving him a timid smile, I waved Annie and Prim back out the door before we could be further intimidated.

Annie had nothing to say about his personality, thankfully, but instead she squinted at the nearest street sign. "Where is Stalinbrooke?"

"Next road down." I pointed. "Not too far away, actually. Hope she's home…"

Primrose fell in step beside me, and Annie on the other side, so we were walking in a line all the way to Stalinbrooke Drive. When we began down the road, I got a better look of the place I passed only a hundred times. Tiny dull houses were crammed together tightly, about two feet from each other. The roofs were low and windows small, but the majority of houses had flowers blooming everywhere; in pots on their porch, in earthy beds _beside_ the porch, under the windows, hanging from the roof.

Number four was the second house on our left. It was one of those that had flowers everywhere. The smell washed over us as we approached, and I could see the lavender curtains pulled shut behind the windows. Prim and Annie were happy waiting out at the bottom of the porch, leaving me walking nervously up the steps. But as nervous as I was, I didn't hesitate knocking on the door.

Silence.

I knocked again, a few seconds later. And then there was a shuffled behind the door and it opened. A tiny, wizened old lady answered. She barely had any hair, but the ones she did have left were pearly white. Though she looked a million years old, I could see in the way she held herself and the brilliant hazel eyes that she was beautiful once. Her face was nearly hidden in wrinkles, but through all the folds of age, she was smiling.

"Katniss Everdeen." She said in a whisper, but I was sure it was only quiet because of her she was so old.

All of a sudden I wasn't so sure that this was the right house. After only briefly checking the house number again (it was still four), I gave a tentative smile. "Eh… Is, um…is Caroline here?"

The old lady tilted her head sideways, and then shook it. "Sorry not, honey. She went to the butchers real quick, she'll be right back."

"Did she take Ivy?"

She laughed, a sound that was as wrinkly and as beautiful as she was. "No, dear. Little bird is here with me. Would you like to come in?"

I glanced back at Prim and Annie, and then waved them to come up. When they did, I introduced them. "This is my little sister, Primrose." I put my hand briefly on Prim's shoulder. "And this is Annie, with Jace."

The old lady held up a bony, shaking hand. "Lucia. Lucia Bennet. Nice to meet you lovely young ladies." She shook each of our hands one by one, and I found myself liking this old lady a lot. "I am Caroline's grandmother, Ivy's great-grandmother. I live here with them." Lucia turned around and shuffled further into the house at the pace of a dying turtle. "Sorry, it's a bit of a mess." She let out a wheezy chuckle. "Four-year-olds are impossible to tame."

We all let out a nervous laugh.

"That's alright. We understand." I said, peering around the large doorway in which we were headed.

Lucia wobbled in—the room was obviously a living room. "Ivy, baby, we have visitors."

Ivy was lying on her stomach on one of the couches, munching on a chocolate cookie (that I recognized as part of her birthday present) and scribbling on a piece of paper with a colored stick of wax. When she heard her great-grandmother's voice, her head popped up, sending brilliant red hair flicking around her face. And when she saw us, her face split into a wide chocolate grin.

"Caniss!" She cried, leaping up and barreling towards me.

I caught her in a death-grip hug. "Hey, Ivy." She let go, bouncing around like her feet were made of rubber. I put my hand on her back and pointed at Annie. "This is Annie, and the little baby she has is Jace."

Ivy's mouth puckered into a perfect "O" shape when she caught sight of the baby. She snuck forward cautiously as Annie bent down to let her see Jace. Ivy reached her hand out and put it on top of Jace's head. "Baby…"

Annie grinned. "Baby Jace. My son."

All of a sudden, Ivy's head snapped up and she giggled, high-pitched at Annie. And then she held up the remained of her cookie. "Does baby want a bite of my cookie?"

"Oh, no honey." Annie explained, still on her knees. "Babies can't have cookies."

"Oh." Ivy paused, then looked up at Prim, remembering her name. "Prim. Want my cookie?"

"No thanks." Prim couldn't help but laugh. "You eat it."

Ivy obliged without a smidge of hesitation, cramming the rest of it into her surprisingly big mouth.

"Would you dear ladies like something to eat and drink?" Lucia grinned, a wide, not-so-menacing, toothless grin.

We all shuffled our feet and declined politely.

"We already ate, thanks." I gave her an uncomfortable smile.

"Nonsense." She had already turned around and began shuffling towards what might have been the kitchen. "You're as thin as twigs."

This made me rather curious, but mostly because I had gathered this family to not have much money for a ton of food. It was something that made me ponder, but it was kind of pointless to refuse again. While Lucia was rummaging around in the kitchen, Ivy took our hands and practically shoved us down on the couch. I felt a crayon snap under me.

"Momma's shopping, Caniss." She says in an adorably matter-of-fact voice. "But we can go without her."

I laughed a little, and so did Prim.

"I'm afraid we can't, Ivy." I said. "We'll wait for your momma to come back, okay?"

For a second, Ivy's attention was caught by Jace, who was waving his little arms at her. Then she looked back at me. "Where we going?"

"Back to where we were yesterday." I said. "The place with all the clothes."

She sprang up and down. "More pictures of pretty dresses!"

"No, Ivy." At my words, she frowned. "This time we're trying them on and buying them."

She squirmed and giggled with excitement. "Princess, princess!"

"Calm down, little bird." Lucia had come back from the kitchen carrying a huge platter of sandwiches and homemade french-fries and all sorts of snacks. For drinks clung to the side of the tray. Lucia set it down on the rickety-looking coffee table and sat in the fluffy armchair next to the couch. "There go go, dolls, eat up. Put some meat on those bones of yours."

She didn't really give us a choice. Feeling awkward and guilty, I took a snack and so did Annie and Prim. I had the decency not to say anything about it, but my little sisters' curiosity got the better of her.

"I-I don't mean to pry, ma-am—" she began.

"Lucia."

"Lucia," Prim corrected herself. "Well, Caroline kind of…made it apparent that you-you three struggle, but I—" She sighed, cheeks turning red. "I-I just can't accept any of this." And to my surprise, she set her sandwich back down and avoided anyone's eyes.

Lucia laughed out loud, covering her mouth with her thin fingers. "Oh, honey, she told you that? My granddaughter has become paranoid, see." She set down her own food. "Ever since the accident with her son happened, she's been working herself to death and fifty percent of all her earnings are going into savings. For what, I'm not sure, but she acts as though we're barely scraping by when in reality we have about seven thousand dollars saved up."

My mouth popped open and I felt my eyebrows involuntarily raise in surprise. Compared to what's locked in a single trunk in my basement, 7 thousand was nothing, but back before the Games is was two or three times more than the actual coin money we got per year.

There was a silence, and judging by Prim's shocked expression too, she understood what that meant as well. IT was only when a small timer went off in the kitchen the stillness was broken.

"Oh, that'd be the cobbler." Lucia got up stiffly out of her chair and began shuffling away, but then paused and turned back to us. "Eat, sweeties, you're as thin as twigs." She smiled and went to the kitchen to get her cobbler.

Ivy paid no attention to our surprise and just munched happily away on French-fries.

Jace began to fuss, but Annie reassured me it wasn't because his diaper needed changing. She rocked him and hummed a bit and—to my surprise—he fell asleep. Prim and I exchanged a glance that shared the same confusion about Caroline's intentions, but the both of us knew not to ask any more questions.

A few minutes later, Lucia came back with bowls of fruity-smelling cobbler and handed them out. "Here you are, honeys." She beamed. "Peach cobbler is my granddaughter's fa—"

"Grandmother?" A familiar voice called out from in the hallway. "Who are you t—" Caroline appeared in the living room doorway holding a piece of paper-wrapped meat, looked confused. But immediately it switched to astonishment.

"We have visitors, Caroline." Lucia stood up and offered her a plate. "Have some cobbler."

Caroline took the plate, but still looked puzzled.

Realizing she hadn't met one of the girls here yet, I stood up and waved Annie up too. "Caroline, this is my third bridesmaid, Annie. She got here early." I turned to Annie. "This is Ivy's mother, Caroline Sawyer."

Annie stretched out a hand to shake Caroline's, smiling politely.

"It's nice to finally meet you, Annie." Caroline smiled, too, and then glanced down at Jace. "And who's this?"

"This is my little Jace." Annie glowed, holding him a little higher proudly. "He's just a month old."

Caroline's face turned sad with longing. "He's beautiful."

A grin. "Thank you."

There was a pause, in which Ivy ran over and threw her arms around Caroline's knees. "Gran made us some snacks, momma!"

Hazel eyes rolled over to Lucia disapprovingly. "Grandmother… I can't _count_ the number of times I've told you not to shove food in other people's faces when they come over."

"Calm yourself down, hon." Lucia thought nothing of this. "They're skin and bones."

With a sigh of defeat and an apologetic glance, the subject was dropped and moved onto another. "I'm sorry you had to see this place as a complete mess…" Caroline started rambling, sweeping magazines and pieces of paper off surfaces. "I didn't even think you knew where I lived."

"Mr. Webb told us." I gave her an unsure smile. "Sorry."

"Oh, don't apologize, no…" She continued to half-heartedly clean. "So, I ta—"

"Momma, we're gonna get dresses today!" Ivy interrupted, bouncing up and down. "Caniss is buying us dresses!"

Caroline paused, then glanced up at Prim, Annie and her daughter in turn. It clicked. "Oh. Well, then, if we're going back to the tailors, go get yourself cleaned up." She shooed Ivy with a kiss over to what must have been the bathroom.

Lucia, who had fetched a kettle of tea, was now pouring her granddaughter some. "Why are you going to the tailors, dear?" She handed Caroline the cup.

Caroline's eyes told me it was my job to explain since it was my wedding.

I cleared my throat. "I assume you've heard the rumors about the wedding?"

Lucia laughed her wheezy laugh. "Sadly, rumors don't reach old Lucia like they used to. But yes, I did hear something….I'm not sure when."

I glanced over at Caroline. She rubbed her eyes and gave me an exasperated I-just-told-her-yesterday look.

"Ohh, is it that nice Peeta boy?" Lucia piped up, taking a sip of her tea, eyes wrinkling up fondly. "What are his whereabouts these days?"

I sighed and took a drink of my tea. "He's stuck around, still in the victor's Village with me and my family. And yes, it is him. After countless lectures and discussions and breaks from reality I became sane enough for him to ask me to marry him." I tried to say that last part calmly, but having it in words in my own mouth, it just made my heart jump into my throat.

The old lady stood up and came over to me, eyes shining with tears of joy, clutching my hand in hers. "That's _wonderful_ that you two are getting married. Absolutely _wonderful_." She gripped my hand for another second, and then held it a little closer to her face to examine it. "Now, let's see the ring…"

She studied my simple pearl band for a minute, and then gave me my hand back. "That's _lovely_, dear. You're incredibly fortunate,:

"Thanks." I knew that. More fortunate than I deserve. Sighing a bit, I straightened back up. We'd gotten off the original question. "But anyway, we aren't a whole lot into planning the wedding, but we've gotten far enough to know we're going to have three bridesmaids.

Lucia smiled curiously.

"Annie," I touched Annie's shoulder. "Prim," I did the same with my little sister, and then pointed to Ivy, who'd come back from the bathroom looking a smidge cleaner. "and of course, Ivy. We're off to the tailors to get their bridesmaids dresses."

She perked up, decrepit lips puckering in excitement. "Oh, how fun! Let me get my purse…" She stood up and began rummaging around in the piles of junk.

"Um, Grandmother?" Caroline made a face, shaking her head slightly. "I don't…"

"Quiet, child." Lucia dismissed her granddaughter off with a wave of her hand. "Help me find my purse…"

"Grandmother, I don't think you can come." Caroline looked a bit guilty for refusing her grandmother, but she held steadfast anyway. "It's just us."

The old lady pursed her lips and looked up at her with a stubborn look. "Well," She didn't seem upset, just put out. "Okay, then. I'll wait here, but I _expect_ to see the dresses once you're done." Her smile reached her eyes and she bent down to put her thin blotchy arms around Ivy. "You be good, little bird. Mind your momma and the lovely girls."

Ivy giggled. "Mkay, Gran." She gave her great-grandmother a kiss on the cheek and then stretched her arms up to me.

I reached down and heaved her four-year-old body into my arms. "You ready?" I glanced back at Primrose and Annie, who had tucked Jace into the crook of her elbow. They both nodded. Then I gave me nicest smile to the old lady, Lucia. "It was lovely meeting you, Lucia."

"And you, too, child." Her watery eyes raked over the rest of us . "All of you. Have fun, girls."  
And with a last farewell, Caroline, Annie, Primrose and I holding our little children, left Lucia and began our small trek back down Stalinbrooke Drive.

**oOo**

_That was a pretty catchy end-sentence if I do say so myself. If I named chapters, this one would be called "Down Stalinbrooke Drive". It makes me happy, for some reason. But never mind that, if you like where this is going (or if you don't, either one) please review and let me know! Mkay? Thanks everybody, and have an excellent…beginning-of-July!_


	47. Chapter 47

_I hope to get this up soon! Thanks to everyone who reviewed the last…many chapters. ;) So enjoy this chapter and please review! _

**oOo**

Mr. Webb expected it when all four of us walked into the tailors (not including Ivy and Jace who were being comfortably carried). He stood up and smiled at us, black eyes crinkling up.

"I see you got the whole gang together. Excellent, excellent…" The tailor walked slowly around his desk and leaned on the front, hands in pockets, disregarding us with slit eyes. After a second's pause, he spoke. "So do you have the slip of paper I gave you yesterday?"

My heart sank a bit. Uh-oh. I set Ivy down with a grunt and rummaged through my pockets, but it wasn't in there. "Um…"

Prim reached into her own pocket and pulled out the little sticky note. When she caught my look, she smiled. "I knew you'd forget it." She held it out to Mr. Webb and he took it.

Obviously, he understood the gibberish written on it, because he nodded and pulled out a binder from the shelf. The tailor flopped it down on the table and flipped through the pages until it was on the right on ten seconds later. His finger jabbed the dress, which was indeed the one we had marked. "There it is, girls."

We all crowded around the binder to get yet another look, but we allowed Annie to be in the front. Her eyes scanned the dress for a few minutes, until she leaned back. "It's okay."

For the second time in five minutes, my heart deflated. Though he words were casual, I knew it wasn't what she was looking for. But that's okay, because there were dozens other designs. I coughed and didn't let my disappointment show.

"Might I remind you," Mr. Webb pointed out, "that I can put together different elements of them. If you don't like the length or the seam design or the pattern of the neck, we can mix and match."

All four of us exchanged glances, but it was me who looked up and gave the final affirmative nod. "Please."

Chairs were pulled up to the table on one side, and Mr. Webb sat on the other with a sheet or two of paper and a pencil, used for jotting down what we wanted.

"I like the sleeves of this one, though." Annie noted, pointing at the dress we'd previously chosen.

"Me too," Prim said, nodding thoughtfully. "But where the sleeve ruffles turn into the neckline we might want to make them a little less….low-cut."

We all nodded.

I lifted my head up to the tailor. "I think that's a definite choi—"

"Excellent." Mr. Webb's smile widened and he drew a very careful sketch of that on the top half of the page, with a few words by the side pointing to the sleeves.

We bent our heads back over the binder, ignoring his interruption.

There was a long pause.

"The hem should be shorter, though." Caroline said pensively, putting her slim finger on the design. "Maybe about an inch or two above the knees."

"Yes, good idea…" Annie nodded with Prim. "It's flattering, too…"

Mr. Webb jotted that down, too.

When the pause after that was the longest yet, Annie tentatively reached out and flipped the pages twice, landing on yet another dress, delicate and fluttery. It reminded me on some sort of butterfly.

"What's that?" Ivy reached up over Annie's hand and tapped her chubby finger on a funny lace pattern on the chest of the dress.

"Lace, honey." Caroline made another face, considering it.

The page was abruptly turned.

"Ooh, I love the diamond seam right here on the waist," Prim nodded her head vigorously, pointing it out to Annie.

"Oh, yes, the way it hangs off. But I don't like lavender..." She frowned.

"Don't worry about that," Mr. Webb, after jotting _that_ down, reassured them. "It can be in any color you like."

Now there was something else to stop and consider. The two mature bridesmaids put their heads together, making low humming noises of consideration.

"How about blue?" Annie suggested. "Maybe a nice sky color. It would compliment your eyes and hair."

Prim mulled that over, but then glanced down at Ivy. "It would clash with Ivy's hair."

The little four-year-old weighed in her thoughts with a giggle. "Pink!"

Caroline shook her head at her daughter amusingly. "No, honey…"

I thought of some of my clothes at home and their colors, then I remembered a dark green blouse I had. "Forest green?"

They looked at me.

"It would make Prim's hair blonder and lighter, it would make _your_ eyes stand out, Annie, and it would just…" I stared at Ivy as she grinned up at me. I grinned back. "…make Ivy all that more adorable with her hair and eyes as well."

"Green?" Prim seemed to like the idea, nodding with eyebrows raised in assent.

Annie nodded, too. "Green. Forest green."

Ivy giggled. "Green."

I smiled as Mr. Webb jotted the color down. We were getting somewhere, at last. When only silence responded him, he took the piece of paper and put it in front of us. There was a rough sketch (though better than any I could ever draw) of an original dress on it, with little side notes. It was simple, but seemed nice enough.

"It needs pleats at the bottom." Prim said matter-of-factly.

We all looked at her. She just shrugged.

"Pleats, then." Mr. Webb reached across the desk and jotted that down as well. "Anything else?"

Another long pause.

"I don't know. It looks pretty good to me." Annie nodded her head in appreciation, eyes shining with excitement.

"How about you, Ivy?" Caroline asked, poking her young daughter in the side gently.

Ivy squealed, and then giggled. "It's a _pretty_ dress. Is it mine?"

"Yes, hon."

Those two words earned an extra-loud squeal.

Prim laughed. "It's fine with me, too."

"Fine?" I inquired, glancing at each of my bridesmaids in turn. "Is 'fine' good enough for my three beautiful bridesmaids?" The word 'beautiful' slipped in there unintentionally, but it suited just fine.

"Better than fine." Annie nodded. "It's…more than I could _ever_ imagine myself in…"

Prim giggled, and then bent closer to the other girl to whisper, "Finnick's going to go crazy about you in this dress, Annie."

Annie let out a small laugh, too.

After all that was done, all of us straightened up in our chairs.

"Is that all, girls?" Mr. Webb took the paper back and examined it. "Excellent, excellent…"

Prim seemed to shin with excitement. "How soon can we get the appoi—"

"Business is slow right now, so unless you ladies aren't doing anything else, we can begin right away." He stood up, ignoring the fact that he had interrupted a 15-year-old girl mid-sentence. Mr. Webb's curious black eyes blinked at us once, and then he turned to the back door where he disappeared into yesterday.

Uncertainly, we followed.

The back room was massive; even bigger than the lobby. Racks and racks of clothes of all sorts of colors hung, packed into the wall all the way up to the ceiling. In one corner a smaller hallway—that seemed door-less—stretched, and apparently endless rows of plastic-covered dresses were hung up. On the very far side of the room was a raised section of floor. It was a hexagon, and four mirrors pointing at slightly different angles were on the bit of raised floor. A small rack was on the lower part of floor next to it. Behind that was a simple door, which probably led to some type of dressing room maybe?

Mr. Webb let us gawk at the room for a few seconds, but then he clipped the sketch of the dress onto a clipboard and rubbed his hands. "Who is first, now?"

The eldest bridesmaids exchanged glances (because Ivy wasn't paying very good attention), but it was Prim who smiled. "Let's do oldest to youngest."

Annie gave her a look, but nonetheless complied. "I suppose so…" She walked over to me and gently slid her son—who was back to sucking his fingers—into my arms. A nervous smile flitted across her face, and she admitted, "I've never been to a tailor before. I've never…done this."

I gave her a reassuring smile back. "Neither have any of us. It'll be okay. We're all girls here, right?"

Four sets of eyes flicked over to Mr. Webb, who was busy searching the racks of material for the right color of green.

Then Annie gave me an incredulous, "oh-really" look.

I shrugged. "You never know."

That sent us all into a wheel of anxious laughter.

Mr. Webb returned shortly after the fit ended, with an odd-looking swathe of forest green material. It appeared to be a rough, choppy version of a dress. I tried not to question it too much. He knew what he was doing.

"So, eldest first, right?" He asked, and I immediately worried that he had heard my girl comment.

Annie stepped forwards uncertainly with an uncomfortable grimace. "Yes, sir."

The tailor let out a laugh, and it was slightly higher than his voice. "Don't be worried, Ms. Cresta. I have tailored countless young women like yourselves, and I've seen too many people naked to count."

That just put a horrified look on Annie's face and she began to back away, but not jokingly. I could see the blank-ish look in her eyes that came up every time she was leaned forward to close to an unwanted emotion.

"Please, Ms. Cresta." Mr. Webb then took off his teasing grin and put on one of business. "You have nothing to be worried about. This is the tailors. I'm here to measure you, not do anything but."

Slowly, Annie swallowed and shook her head reluctantly.

"Now," He had thankfully put away his humor and was less frightening when talking about nudity. His finger pointed to the door behind the raised floor. "There is the bathroom. If you could step into there, miss, and remove your clothes. There is a robe to wrap yourself in until it's needed to be removed. Meet us back up onto the raised bit of floor for your measurements. The clothes can be put on the rack in there. You have nothing to be nervous about."

I felt for Annie. The first time I had to be naked in front of strangers, they were so…_strange, _it was hard to be embarrassed because they were mutilated beyond recognition of real human beings. It was kind of like being naked in front of a purple moose. It made you want to laugh instead of cower in mortification.

I reached over and squeezed my friends' hand once in reassurance. Annie gave me a smile, put her shoulders back and raised her chin boldly. And without any other words, she simply strode into the bathroom and closed the door behind her.

Meanwhile, Mr. Webb put himself to work. I didn't understand most of what he did, so I didn't bother watching. I rocked Jace for a bit, and then upon request, knelt down on the floor for Ivy to tickle his feet. Prim paced a bit, wandering closer and closer to the bathroom door, waiting for our friend. And Annie came out five minutes later wrapped in a white robe that was so thin and clean it was almost as if she wasn't wearing anything. Better than nothing, though.

Annie shuffled awkwardly towards the raised floor, casting glances over at us the whole time. That was cue for us to go over and put our arms around her encouragingly. We walked her to the raised floor and helped her up the two small steps until she was standing in the focus points of all four giant mirrors. Then we backed off and waited at the bottom.

Mr. Webb was done doing whatever he had been doing by then. He still had the funny dress-thing draped over one arm, and upon seeing Annie waiting, he simply strode up next to her and flattened out the dress-thing on a nearby table.

"Miss Cresta, please remove the robe. We need to get your measures now." He said with a passive face.

Only after swallowing a bit, Annie untied the robe and slipped it off her shoulder and put it on the rack. She looked so incredibly uncomfortable, I wanted to put my arms around her again and comfort her. I did nothing.

With a still emotionless face, the tailor took out a bendy measuring tape and began to measure her. Around her waist, her chest (Annie stifled an upset whine), her hips (failed to stifle), her shoulders, length of arm, circumference of arm, length of leg. When all that was done and recorded on a piece of paper, Mr. Webb then slid the funny dress-thing over Annie's head. It hung all lumpy-like and ugly.

"Beautiful bridesmaid dress, Katniss." Prim said in a mocking, falsetto voice. "Did you design it yourself?"

We both laughed, despite the tension of the situation.

It was tedious work, what Mr. Webb was doing. Half the time I was tired and just curled up in a chair and hummed to Jace, thoughts elsewhere. After an hour, Annie was done. She gratefully hurried back into the bathroom. And, to be honest, I've never seen someone gladder to wear clothes. When she came back out, she wrapped her little son in her arms and hugged him, all the while smiling with relief.

Prim next. She was encouraged by Annie's performance, which obviously made hers a lot easier. I felt a little less please to see my innocent 15-year-old sister up there without clothes being measured by an old man, but trust was valuable and I held onto that. Mr. Webb was just a tailor. Plus, I was incredibly capable of kicking his butt in case anything wasn't how it was supposed to be.

Prim's measuring went quicker than Annie's, about 45 minutes, and then it was Ivy's.

"Little girls are the easiest." The tailor explained as Caroline carried her daughter up. "We don't need any hip or chest measurements. She can keep her clothes on."

And _hers_ went faster than the other two by far. And before I knew it, we were finally done. We all went back to the front room (it was still empty) and Mr. Webb scribbled on a packet of paper.

"All three dresses should be done by Saturday." He glanced up at Caroline. "If you come in tomorrow, Ms. Sawyer, we might be able to get it done Friday."

She nodded. "Thank you, Tholemew." _[a/n: pronounces tall-a-me-u]_

Odd name.

"I'll see you tomorrow, then, ladies." He smiled and put the packet of papers in a desk drawer. "And congratulations on the wedding, Miss Everdeen."

I smiled back at him. "Thank you."

With a wave and a farewell, the six of us left, Ivy holding her mother's hand and Jace in Annie's arms.

**oOo**

_That went by surprisingly fast. One second I was typing up the first A/N and the next I'm writing this one. Huh. Anyways, please review! I love all of you so much and I want you to review! :D_


	48. Chapter 48

_Just to let y'all know, Ivy and Caroline are coming with them back to their house. So though I don't mention it right away, they're there. I apologize if the beginning is kind of odd. I was in a weird mood while writing it. _

_And thanks to Animal-Queen-Stephanie for being an awesome reviewer! ;)_

_Oh, and I'm sure all of you will enjoy this chapter greatly because we're finally getting back into Peeta/Katniss. ;)_

**oOo**

We got back to two sweaty men laying out on our front yard. Finnick and Peeta looked dead in the burning sun, flopped out onto the grass without their shirts. My mouth opened in confusion. What were they…? Hesitantly, I walked up to Peeta (he was face-up, Finnick face-down) and stared down at him. His eyes were closed.

"What the _heck_ are you two doing?" I put my hands on my hips and stared down at him. "I thought you were cleaning up a Victor's house. Now, you're…you're _passed out_ on my front lawn without your shirts."

He didn't stir, and neither did Finnick. Ivy and Prim giggled.

"Peeta!" I said a little louder, prodding him with my toe.

Blue eyes cracked open slightly. "What?"

"What do you mean 'what'?" I shook my head at him, and then began walking away, motioning for the other three to follow. "_Boys._"

We stepped over then and went into the house. Caroline was making an odd sort of face, and so was Annie. She gave me a look and I shrugged.

I led the way inside, which was a cool relief from the heat of the sun. Sighing, I waved Caroline and Ivy to sit on the couch, but Prim and Annie did it involuntarily. In the kitchen, I filled four tall glasses full of ice water, and a fifth smaller one of orange juice.

Once they were dealt out back in the living room (I'll never get used to the was Ivy drank juice), I sat down and shook my head. "I _do_ wonder what our men were doing out on the front yard." I rolled my eyes over to Annie. "It's boiling out there. I don't know about you, but I refuse to rub lotion into their backs if they come back inside with awful sunburns."

Everyone laughed.

"Same here." Annie grinned, but her attention was suddenly stolen by Jace, who began to fuss. It was his diaper. Sighing slightly, she went off to the bathroom to change it. And, ironically, the moment she stepped out, the boys came back in.

Shirts still gone and skin an angry red color, Finnick and Peeta trumped in, went straight to the kitchen and drank an entire gallon of milk just by themselves. When they came back into the living room and took up the remaining seats, I sighed and shook my head.

"I don't even _want_ to know what you two were doing." I said, taking another drink of my water and then pointing to Caroline and Ivy. "This is Caroline, and her daughter Ivy. Ivy's the other bridesmaid aside from Annie and Prim." I turned my eyes towards the Caroline and Ivy. "This is Finnick, Annie's husband."

"Nice to meet you." Slowly, Caroline nodded, eyes sparkling with recognition. "The…Quarter Quell, right? Finnick."

Finnick nodded.

"Right…" Her cheeks turned a bit pink and she looked away.

It was my turn to twist and give Peeta a look. "What _were_ you doing out there?"

He grinned, and I couldn't help but feel a bit awkward at his half-nakedness. "Well, at first we were cleaning up the house on the other side of mine,"

I nodded.

"Except the air conditioning wasn't working. And so as soon as we were done wiping the dust down from everything, we kind of just…"

"Passed out on your law, waiting for you to come home." Finnick smirked.

"Well, we're home." I rolled my eyes, and my head automatically turned behind us, where the noise of the bathroom door opening up again distracted me.

Annie, carrying a freshly changed Jace, walked back to us and sat down next to Finnick. He grinned and gave her a small kiss on the head, and did the same with his son.

"So how was the tailors?" he asked, looking at all of us girls.

A pause.

"He's kind of creepy." Primrose nodded in a matter-of-fact way, earning a roomful of laughs. She was laughing, too. "Well, it's true. Being naked in front of him was more uncomfortable than listening to awful innuendos about Katniss and Peeta."

Even more laughter, especially from Finnick and Peeta. _Men_. I knew that if I chanced a glance at either of them, they'd wink, so I did my best not to look at anyone.

Caroline looked highly uncomfortable, but Ivy just sang to herself while making puppets with her hands.

Finnick shook his head at me. "You're so easy to bother and make fun of."

"I _know._" I shot back, scowling.

"Now, there's the Katniss we know." Peeta shook his head as well, but then reassured me he was joking with a light touch to the shoulder. "Denying the fact that she is _incredibly_ easy to make fun of."

"And tell innuendos about."

The room filled with laughter again, and this time Caroline joined in hesitantly.

"What's all this laughing?" Mother came in from the hallway with a pen tucked behind her ear, hands on hips. When she saw all of us sitting around on the couches, laughing, her mouth curved into an involuntary smile. And, to my greatest amusement, when she saw Peeta's and Finnick's shirtlessness, she went into stern-mother-mode. "What are you two doing without your shirts? There are ladies present." She literally shooed them off the couch. "Go! Get some clothes on for goodness' sakes."

Prim, Annie and I snorted, while Caroline looked a tiny bit relieved.

"I'm sorry about that, Caroline." Mother apologized, shaking her head and sitting down delicately. "They behave like animals sometimes."

"Peeta doesn't. Most of the time." Prim quipped with a smile growing on her lovely face. "I don't know about Finnick."

Annie gave Prim an exhausted "you'd-better-believe-it" look.

"It's alright." Caroline shook her head as well.

"So," Mother went on to another topic while the boys went to get clothes on. "How was the tailor? Did you get some nice dresses?"

Prim and Ivy launched into a detailed explanation of the dress, while Annie and I put in a few words edgewise when he could. When they were done telling all about the trip, Mother smiled.

"That sounds very lovely." She said. "I'm glad you got something you all agreed on. When will they be done?"

"Friday or Saturday." I remembered. "But we can't really go much further without actually deciding on a date."

The looks on all of our faces were of concentration, but while we were all thinking, Finnick and Peeta came in. This time they were wearing shirts.

"What's going on?" Finnick asked, sitting back down by his wife, putting an arm around her.

Peeta sat next to me again.

"A date for the wedding." I looked sideways at Peeta unthinkingly, because after all, he _was_ the person I was getting married to. I smiled without meaning to, and he smiled back.

"Excellent." A pause. "Tomorrow?"

"Psshh, don't be stupid." I said, not unkindly. "We still need to…do a lot."

He rubbed his hands together. "Then let's get cracking."

"No." I scowled at him. "We just got back from four hours in town. I don't know about them," I nodded my head towards Annie, Caroline, Ivy, and Prim, "but I'm exhausted."

"And I was aware we'd go on a picnic for lunch." Mother said with a blasé face on. "Which I still need to pack for." A wrinkle appeared between her eyebrows and she immediately got up and hurried into the kitchen.

Well, there goes Mother. Who's next? I glanced over at everyone else. Ivy was holding one of her fingers with a disturbed look on.

"Momma, I'm bleeding." She held the finger up to Caroline, who kissed it.

"Well, hon, don't squeeze it and it won't bleed."

I held back a laugh. Children seemed to be the ultimate form of entertainment. That thought just made me want one more, but it had transformed from a subject to be depressed over to something that I might have the probability to look forward to. Maybe. I glanced sideways over at Peeta, who obviously wasn't thinking what I was thinking.

He gave me a smile. "Well, if not tomorrow, then when do _you_ suggest?"

I thought. "…The eleventh?"

That seemed good to him, but Caroline spoke up before he could respond.

"I work that day." She grimaced apologetically. "I'm sorry. A lot of people do, though. They wouldn't be able to come."

"Oh." I blinked, and then thought some more. "…The day after? Sunday is good because it's everybody's day off."

Six heads nodded. Ivy was still engrossed in her finger wound.

"The twelfth?" I asked again, casting my gaze from Peeta to Primrose to Annie and Finnick to Caroline. Every one of them nodded.

"What's that?" Mother's voice floated from the partially-closed kitchen door. She poked her head out. "Did you decide on something without me?"

I tried not to scoff. She hated being out off the loop, not being in decisions. I cleared my throat. "How's the twelfth, Mother? Do you work then?"

Her face actually perked up. "No, I'm not. That's an excellent date! But we have to work extra-hard until then, there's a lot of work to be done in such a short amount of time." She nodded affirmatively, but then disappeared back into the kitchen not two seconds later.

The 12th then. It's decided. A jittery feeling coursed through my veins, and while practically bouncing up and down, I felt Peeta's hand slip discreetly around mine. My head automatically snapped down, staring in bewilderment where our two hands were intertwined. I glanced back up at Peeta. He looked as excited as I felt, with a smile to match. I felt myself smile back. For once, things were going okay. I squeezed back.

Half an hour later, our picnic was packed and things were prepared. A rolled-up blanket and a basket of food were tucked under the eldest people's arms. Caroline made Ivy go to the bathroom twice so she wouldn't have to interrupt the outing, and under Mother's orders, us younger ones wore jackets (even though it's boiling out). With the children tucked firmly into our arms, we set out.

Peeta stuck close by me, taking the squeeze of his hand an encouragement. But even though, he didn't try and hold my hand. I frowned. I knew he wanted to, that much was obvious, but it was a matter of whether or not _I_ wanted to. Of course I do. But I felt odd, not knowing what made me feel that way. Shaking the feeling off, I snuck a bit closer to Peeta and crept my hand into his.

He didn't look at me, but I felt his thumb absentmindedly rub against the back of my hand and I saw his smile out of the corner of my eye. Dang, I missed this. Why was I so stupid to keep away from this? It accomplished nothing, and even less in the sense of being sane. I was anything _but_ sane without him. We just have to take it slower than we had. Making out fifteen times a day in bed was _not_ acceptable. And neither was sleeping with him in just my underwear. Nor was attacking him from behind when he was cooking breakfast.

I made a guttural noise of mortification by accident, cheeks burning at just the thought of those countless memories.

Peeta glanced over at me and frowned. "You okay, Katniss?"

I nodded, feeling my face turn even redder. _Stop that_.

We walked for about fifteen minutes until the edge of the Meadow was in sight. Long grass rocked in the sultry breeze, occasionally glinting white as individual strands caught the sun. Some of my recollections from before the Games about this place were not the best. Frail people laying face-down in the grass by the fence, never to get up again. Families huddled in despair, sobbing loudly over one of those laying face-down. But today, there were none. Just spring-green wisps of grass, swaying unperturbed in the summer air.

I breathed in. It was unbelievably delicious.

Our group trekked out into the middle of it and Mother unfolded the giant quilt out on the ground.

"It's a beautiful day," she said. "Nice and warm."

I heard Finnick snort.

A minute later, all the food was spread out on the blanket and we were sitting down. Ivy immediately crawled out of her mother's arms and came to sit in my lap, right in the nook of my crossed legs. She giggled and reached out for a saran-wrapped cookie.

"Have your sandwich first, Ivy." I said in the roll of her mother, shaking my head.

She pouted, but accepted her food and began chomping on the tomato-lettuce-ham sandwich.

We ate, only talking every now and then. It was when our "main courses" were gone, that Mother began talking.

"Do you remember that garden idea I was telling you three about?" She asked me, and then glanced at Peeta and Prim, expected them to remember to. We all nodded. "Well, I've decided to actually put that plan into action tomorrow after work."

I blinked. "But your work has been…weighing you down, hasn't it? You won't have the time."

Mother shook her head. "I have help. And besides, my boss has been a lot lenient these days ever since his first granddaughter was born last week. I'm hoping to get now until the twelfth off to help with the wedding stuff."

Well, I suppose anything's possible. I just smiled at her and shrugged, taking a bite of my cookie. "I'll help you with the garden, Mother, if it'll make you feel any better."

"And me, too." Annie offered with a small smile. "Finnick can watch Jace."

Finnick rolled his eyes. "There's no way I'm being such a lady as _gardening_. We manly boys will do something worthwhile. Like knocking down mailboxes."

Peeta snorted, but he hastily turned it into a cough. "I was actually going to offer my help as well."

"And me." Primrose was expected to be as helpful and brown-nosed as possible. But the delightful grin on her face just made me grin as well. I loved my little sister so bad.

"Me, me, me!" Ivy lumped up and down in my lap, offering her labor to something she probably didn't even know what. Before just two seconds ago she was too focused on her cookie to listen.

Caroline gave a small laugh, eyeing her daughter exhaustedly. "I offer my help as well, if it's alright. I get off at three-thirty on Wednesdays."

"Excellent!" Mother's smile widened. "As do I."

The food was slowly being consumed, until nothing was left. Ivy stood up and went to go chase after yellow butterflies with the promise to Caroline she'd stay close. Mother and Primrose struck up a conversation about doctoring and apothecary-ism, while Annie and Finnick scooted a few feet away to lay on their backs, Jace tucked gently between them.

I just watched my family with a small smile, knowing just how much I'd miss them if any one of them died or… Unpleasant thoughts. I shook my head, ridding the pictures in my head, just as Peeta stood up.

My eyes followed him curiously.

"I'm going off to over there," Peeta pointed a finger just about ten or fifteen feet away, and then looked back at me. "Want to come?" He offered me his hand.

I didn't even think to take it. I just did.

We walked to the spot he pointed out, and I sat down next to him, slightly awkward. It was excruciatingly hot out, and I was going to burn to a crisp if I didn't unzip my jacket, which is exactly what I did. Wishing I'd picked something different than a white T-shirt, I just tossed my jacket behind me. Peeta did the same, but instead of tossing his, he gently set it behind us and laid down, head protected from the evil idea of grass getting in his hair. But there was room on the other side of the jacket for my own head, and Peeta's eyes asked me to lay down with him.

I did. Our heads were only two inches apart, and I could feel his shaggy blond hair tickling my ear.

"I see you feel better to hold my hand again." Peeta said quietly, voice only soft and curious, not betraying anything else. "Is 'better' the right word?"

I made a pondering face, and then turned my head to look at him—ironically he turned his head at the same time, too. For a second I was surprised by how close our faces were. I could feel his breath on my lips, and I had to work my throat several times before I was able to talk. "If the definition of 'better' means I feel like a total jerk, and I—mmf!"

Peeta pinched my lips closed. "Try a different definition." He let go.

I sighed, but did as I was told. "Okay, 'better' as in… I'm really, _really_ sorry, and—mmf!"

He pinched my lips a second time, getting the same startled reaction. His eyebrows raised as he let go.

I couldn't help but pout, and was silent. For a few seconds, the only sound I made was a sharp inhale. I bit my lip, thinking. If he won't let me apologize or call myself names… Dang it, he had this _face_ on, looking expectant and amused, but still curiously poignant. Sniffing, I carefully reached over and wrapped my arms around his waist and closed my eyes against his collarbone. I sighed. "…I love you." It was more like a defeated mumble than something else.

Peeta laughed a little through his nose and put his own arms around me. "I love you, too, Katniss…" He sighed as well, pressing his cheek to the top of my head. "You confuse me so much. I don't know if I should go on like I did before or…something else. I don't know when it's okay to touch you."

I inhaled his scent and felt my eyebrows furrow sadly, but then I smiled. "You can touch me whenever you want."

He let out an audible sigh of relief and squeezed me tighter to him briefly.

"But I think maybe we should…take it slower." I admitted my thoughts to him, still not unburying my face from his chest. "Like maybe acting slightly civilized than before. If you…if you know what I mean."

Peeta paused, staring off into the distance in momentary thought. Then I could feel a smile spread across his face. "Yeah, I know what you mean."

We sat like that for a few more seconds before a high-pitched giggle sounded behind us. I hastily scrambled away, just to see Ivy standing there in the grass, one hand over her mouth, sniggering her little four-year-old snigger.

"Ivy," I said, kind of surprised to see her there. My cheeks burned a bit, but I didn't react. "Is there something you need?"

It was then I noticed one of her hands was curled into a fist, and she came over, kneeling beside me. "Lookit, Caniss, I caught a butterfly!"

I took her chubby hand lightly in mine and she uncurled her fist. A powder-free, yellow, crumpled butterfly lay motionless on her palm.

"Oh, it's very sweet." I assured her, smiling. "But you know, it won't be able to fly after this. You hurt it." I held up her hand and pointed to the smears of wing powder on her fingers. "Butterflies can't fly without that special powder on their wings, and you took it off."

Ivy's lower lip pouted and she stared sadly at the crumpled insect in her hand. "Can you fix it?"

I sighed. "Maybe." Though I seriously doubted. Gently, I shook the butterfly onto my own palm and blew on it until its wings fluttered. It probably won't get very far before crashing, but I lifted the insect into the air and blew on it until its wings fluttered, and it took off.

Ivy grinned and clapped her hands. "It's not dead! Thank you Caniss." She patted the side of my head with a powdery hand and skipped off back in the direction of the picnic blanket and her mother.

I leaned back on my hands, watching her hop off, red curls bouncing every which way. What I'd give to be that careless and free again. To not realize the war going on around me, to not have problems like an angsty, 18-year-old "heroine". My life was not ideal, true, but it wasn't awful anymore. The only problems I have now are the ones in my own head.

I felt fingers slip over mine and tuck around my hand. Peeta was leaning back as I was, gazing after Ivy as I was as well. His blond hair was creating a shadow over his eyes, cast by the bright midday sun. As I watched him, I saw his chest move slightly with every slow breath he took, and the highlights in his eyes shift every time he blinked. His cheekbones were slightly higher than mine; average town people's face structure. Gently curved but strong jaw casting a shadow over his neck, moving every time he moved. As I watched, I realized how pretty he was. Not just in looks, but the way he moved, the way he studied the far horizon in complete thought, all the while letting me stare at him.

"It's a beautiful day out." He said at last, glancing over at me. The shadows on his face danced.

I nodded slightly. "It is." And he was right. Not a single cloud in the sky to give some shade from the unforgiving sun. Giving a small sigh of contentment, I laid back down on Peeta's jacket, lacing my hands on my stomach.

Peeta laid down as well, face turned towards me. I thought he was going to say something, but it was a minute until he did. It was a whisper. "You said I can touch you whenever I want."

I blinked, slightly wary. "Of course."

Tentatively, Peeta turned on his side towards me and slowly raised his hand. It brushed gently across the hollow of my cheek and down my jaw. I just stared at him as he stared back. It was impossible to unstuck my eyes from this boy as his fingers brushed down my throat, curling around the entirety of my neck, which was sure to give my rapid heartbeat away. Peeta leaned closer and I started to feel my palms sweat.

But that was as close as it got. Peeta bit his lip and turned away, slowly lowering himself back onto his jacket.

_What?_ I felt like screaming. _That's it?_ How disappointing. I resisted the urge to sigh as I laid back down as well.

The sun's warmth poured down on me like crashing waves, shutting down all the tired muscles in my body. It was so relaxing out here, listening to the grass swish in the wind, birds calling and the far-away murmur of town. My hands were still laced on my stomach, but I didn't evade Peeta's touch when he reached over a second time and folded his fingers with mine. It was nice having him with me again. I could still feel his breathing and feel his pulse with my own fingers.

"Hey, Katniss—" Prim's voice broke through my lulling reverie, and I scrambled into a sitting position, surprised by my sister's sudden appearance.

She looked guilty for interrupting us, face bright pink, and she began backing away. "S-Sorry, I'll—"

"No, no, Prim. It's okay." I stopped her leaving with a frantic wave of my hands. "It's alright. What is it?"

She shifted on her feet. "What do you think about on Friday going to get your wedding dress? The others have already agreed to it."

I nodded, frowning in thought. "…Yeah, that seems okay." I cast a glance sideways at Peeta, who was sitting up as well.

He grinned, acting as casual as ever. "I take it I don't get to see."

"No," I resisted the urge to stick my tongue out at him, a smile playing on my lips. "It's bad luck for the groom to see his bride in the dress before a wedding."

Peeta rolled his eyes. "I didn't know you were superstitious."

"I'm not. It's just common knowledge the man shouldn't see the woman in her dress before the big day. It's that simple."

Prim learned her throat, interrupted our little faux argument. "So, Friday is okay, then? Right after lunch?"

I nodded. "Yeah, that sounds good. We might be able to pick up the bridesmaids dresses on the way."

She smiled, content at our agreement. "Okay! I'll go tell the others." With another smile and a small wave, she went back over to where everyone else is.

Peeta and I remained silent for a second after Prim left, and it was only until I leaned back and spoke the silence was broken.

"It's really happening…" I noted with an almost sad hint in my voice. "Things are going by so fast."

"And before you know it, we'll be married." Peeta stretched out on his hands behind him. One arm was behind my back, as close to "around my waist" as it gets without him actually touching me. "And we'll live carefree in my house with fifteen screaming kids running around breaking things." His mouth twitched into a smile.

"I just want one," I corrected him, eyes off in the distant in thought. "Or maybe two."

Peeta closed his eyes and put his face close to mine, so close his nose just barely brushed my cheek. "You'll get one, I promise. Whatever it takes."

I felt a cozy, warm feeling spread in my chest at his words. It made me sigh quietly in content and I surprised myself greatly by reaching up and kissing him on the cheek. "I know. It takes the two of us, though."

Immediately after the words came out of my mouth, I furrowed my brows in embarrassment and looked away, blushing. But Peeta only said three words.

We spent the rest of the afternoon in the meadow, talking and napping and sharing brief excitement over the upcoming wedding. Peeta and I stayed on our little patch of flattened grass, hands intertwined, barely talking at all. When the sun dipped low enough to deem it "late", we all packed up out stuff and headed home. Caroline and Ivy stayed for dinner, and by the time it was 9:30, we were all sitting around the couches, laughing, unaware of the time that should have sent us to bed. But when 10:00 hit and Ivy fell asleep in my lap, Caroline had to bid us farewell for the night. She left with her sleeping four-year-old limp in her arms.

"It _is_ pretty late." Finnick yawned a huge yawn, rubbing his eyes. "Maybe we should hit the sack, too." He wrapped his arm automatically around Annie's waist.

"Is the house ready?" she asked, tightening her arms around sleeping Jace.

Finnick nodded. "All of it. Everything's unpacked and in the dressers, kitchen fully stocked, bathroom supplies in the bathroom. Everything's ready to go."

"Well," Annie stood up, as did her husband. She turned to all of us left. "I suppose we'll see you all tomorrow."

I stood up (so did Mother, Prim and Peeta) and hugged Annie tightly, gave Jace a kiss on the forehead, and just shook m head at Finnick.

"What, I don't get a kiss, too?" he said jokingly, then ruffled my hair. I just rolled my eyes.

After another second of 'goonight's, Annie and Finnick left with Jace to go to their temporary house, leaving me, Peeta, Mother, and Prim staring after. Peeta, who's been sticking considerably closer to me since the meadow, shoved his hands in his pockets and glanced at the clock.

"I should go home, too." He said, looking back at us girls.

My heart sank involuntarily. I didn't want him to go…

"Aw," Mother seemed to feel as I did, but she didn't keep him. "Well, goodnight, Peeta." She gave him a hug, and crinkled up her eyes. "It's getting closer and closer…" There were obvious tears sparkling in her eyes and she walked off, shaking her head. "They grow up so fast…"

Did she actually just say that? I frowned after her.

"Well…" Prim broke the silence, looking exhausted as well. She shook her head and smiled. "Have a good night, Peeta!" She gave him a brief hug then promptly disappeared.

That made the two of them I as left staring after, frowning. Did I smell bad or something?

"I'll see you tomorrow, Katniss." Peeta's voice made me turn my head to him. He was looking down at me with a sweet smile on, and he shocked me by giving me a fond kiss on the cheek, despite everything.

Peeta never failed to make me blush and feel guilty that he didn't have someone better.

When I didn't answer, he just touched his thumb to my cheek briefly. "Sweet dreams." And with yet another charming smile, he turned around and strode out the door.

I was all alone, leaving me free to trump upstairs. Once in the safety of my own room, I stripped off my T-shirt and khaki trousers, stepping into the warm spray of the shower. I scrubbed myself raw with pine-scented soap, and then toweled off. I looked in the mirror.

Katniss Everdeen stared back. She looked tired and a bit defeated, but nonetheless more like herself than she had in a while. That mere fact made me slightly more content as I slipped into a nighty. It was one that I've only wore the once, with Prim. It was a soft shade of baby pink. Normally, I'd rather sleep _naked_ than in something pink, but it really wasn't so bad. And besides, it smelled like Prim (no idea why). My hair was combed out and left down, and I walked back into my room just like that; barefoot, squeaky clean, in a pink nighty with my damp hair hanging in sheets around my face.

Sighing, I went over to the window and threw it open. Warm, foresty-smelling air blasted me in the face, making my lungs inhaled so deep to catch it all. Though the scent automatically made me a lot happier and more tired, it also brought a pang of recognition that I had to swallow down. Gale was in a better place now. Free from heartbreak or starvation. In an endless hunt of who-knows-what. All that I know is that I shouldn't be sad.

A lump formed in my throat, even though.

Great, now the mood was deflated, and I forced myself to shut the window and get into bed. The cold covers felt good against the sunburn I could just _feel_ forming, and I thought at last I would be able to relax. Of course not.

The doorknob rattled and my bedroom door opened quietly, footsteps announcing an unexpected visitor. Rubbing my eyes, I sat up, squinting at the silhouette in the doorway. It was unmistakable.

"Sorry if I woke you," Peeta's soft voice broke the silence as he took another step in. "I just remembered the picture we took early and wondered if you wanted it."

It was hard to tell if he was being honest or that was just a really lame excuse to come up here.

Grumbling slightly (though secretly thrilled he was there), I stood up and shuffled over to the wardrobe. On the very top lay a few unused, dusty picture framed that had been up here for _ages_. Taking one down, I wiped all the grit off it and held out my hand for the picture from Peeta. He handed it over, and I snapped it into place.

It really was a nice picture, asides the fact I looked about ready to kill someone. Jace had his hand in his mouth and was staring intently at the camera, hair fuzzy and wild.

I resisted snorting at it when I set it down gently on my nightstand next to one of Jace when he was only a week old, hair just a ball of fuzz on top of his head, eyes squinting and black. "There. Added to my collection of beautiful pictures."

Peeta laughed quietly, staring down at the two. "…Funny, how the only pictures on your nightstand are of you and a baby, and the baby alone. But the kid isn't even yours." He shook his head, still smiling. "It's just funny."

It kind of was. I cocked my head to stare blankly at the pictures in thought, even though there was barely any light in my room. My eyes had adjusted, though, but never to the silhouette of Peeta _still_ standing there next to me. Part of me didn't want him to leave. I didn't know what the other part wanted; I didn't listen to it often. It was only when I felt Peeta's eyes on me I turned to look at him.

He was gazing with an amused look at my nighty, and when he caught me looking at _him_ looking, he grinned. "I love your choice of nightwear, Katniss."

"Shut up," I snapped, crossing my arms over my chest. It was horrible because he made me made me aware of _just_ how not-suitable the nighty was, and the fact that I wasn't wearing _anything_ under it, and the straps were extremely thin, and the nighty itself was about half-a-foot above my knees.

I shuffled an inch away from him, arms still crossed, eyebrows furrowed and wary. "Did you come up here just to give me the picture?"

Peeta gave me a look, as if debating something in his head, eyes narrowed in thought. "…I suppose. You have the picture, now." His mouth curved into a smile, and his words were as casual as they come. "I'll leave you to sleeping. See you tomorrow." He waved his hand and turned back to the door.

That was _so_ not fair.

"Peeta—" I said, but stopped myself, biting my lip. I had no idea what to say, but Peeta did that often. Manipulative little… I made a noise of frustration from the back of my throat. It melted into a sigh of defeat.

He turned back to me, frowning, and then tilted his head a little bit, considering me.

I sat on the edge of the bed, rubbing my dry eyes. He was still standing motionless in front of me, and I didn't have the strength to argue or try and deny whatever there was in my tortured noggin _to_ deny. Stupid boy. Shaking my head, I just scooted backwards and tucked my legs back under the covers. "Only until I fall asleep."

Peeta just blinked, a look of slight surprise on his partially-illuminated face. He didn't speak, though. Just stood there, wavering back and forth a bit, deciding whether or not I was serious or if he really should.

"Peeta," I reached out to him with both arms, suddenly wanting nothing more than for him to stop just standing there staring at me like I hadn't said anything at all.

He abided—closing the door first—but his walk was slow as he came around the other side of the bed and sat down. In fact, he didn't even look at me as he stretched his legs out in front of him. I had to admit it was a bit awkward, but only up until Peeta settled down and relaxed his body against my side.

I let out a small sigh from my nose, unsurely curling my hand around the crook of his elbow. "Thanks." I could feel his light gaze upon me from where he was sitting up, and when my gaze flicked up to meet mine, azure eyes shone at me in the dark through long lashes. "Only until I fall asleep…" I repeated softly and closed my own eyes.

For a few minutes I laid there, both my arms curling around one of Peeta's own. Our breathing was matched and slow, and everything was frozen for a while. It was only when the heavy dragging feeling of sleep almost had me pulled under, when there was a shift next to me. _Don't go yet…_ I wanted to say, but I was too comatose to be able to say anything. _I'm not asleep yet…_

But Peeta wasn't getting up. He was gently taking his arm back from mine, and then I felt it slide under my neck. Under the spent feeling of sleep, my head was too heavy to do anything except lull sideways limply. Sideways happened to be Peeta's shoulder. He had his arm around me once again, my head on his shoulder for the first time in…a week? No, less than. Half a week. It felt like five years. And though I was practically dead to the world, something inside me was stirred and found enough energy.

I let out a long, low sigh and stretched out my arms. They felt heavy, but nevertheless managed to drag themselves over Peeta's torso and tuck securely on the other side. I felt his chest rise and fall slightly with an intake of breath. This is how it' supposed to be. And even though it's supposed only to last for another few minutes until I go to sleep, the night hours ticked away silently until sunrise, and Peeta stayed with me until then.

**oOo**

_It's really a shame. Not half an hour after I left my brilliant internet source, I finished the chapter. *Siiighh* But anyway, have a happy week and enjoy the rest of summer while you can. It's almost over. The next one or perhaps two chapters might be a bit long (perhaps tedious) but it's going to be fine, mostly because things get better with Kat and Peeta and there's the long-awaited for kiss! Oops just gave it away. :D _


	49. Chapter 49

_Hey, hey guess what! This story is now officially longer than Lo and Behold! Woot. Anyhoo, read and review! I'm starting this chapter off on an unusual POV, Prims'. I've never done hers before, which should certainly be fascinating. _

**oOo**

**Prim's POV**

Mother and Katniss have long since gone to bed, as should I. But I couldn't help but stare at the picture. Its frame was cracked and years of dust stained it, but the picture was still there. I was just a baby when it was taken, but there we were. Father and I. His deep eyes and strong jaw, wrapped around a blond-haired baby girl. Katniss was there, too, with her tiny five-year-old arm around his neck, grinning. She had been so careless then. It hurts every time that wild, frightened look appears in her eyes, and I know I can do nothing to help. Peeta's doing his best, obviously, but as her sister I wish nothing more to go back to the way things were.

Sighing, I tucked the picture back in the bottom drawer of my desk and walked to the bathroom. It wasn't very tidy at all, but I still found my favorite lotion stored deep under the sink, amidst everything else. With my thumbnail, I popped the lid off and took a sniff. Lavender. I always put some on my hands before going to bed, as instructed by Mother. It was always important to have good hand care when you work at the hospital as we did so often.

After plaiting my hair back into two braids, I slipped my dress off and pulled a nightdress on from where it was draped over the hook on the opposite wall. Its heaviness and warmth was welcome, though my room was hot enough to begin with. It gave me a sense of security.

I was just about to crawl into bed when a thought popped into my mind. Perhaps I should check on Katniss to see if she's alright before turning in myself. Yes. I hopped back off the side of the huge bed and padded quietly back across my room and opened the door. Thankfully, the only bedrooms on the first floor were the master bed—where Mother slept—and a guest room. Mine was just two down from Katniss', so I didn't have to creep up the squeaky stairs to check on her like I did most nights. It was often I found her snoring away, face buried in a pillow, arms and legs sprawled. She had slept like that ever since I could remember. And every time I saw it, it made me laugh. But this is not what I found.

I snuck down the short hallway and cracked open Katniss' bedroom door. I was surprised to find Peeta there. Now, most of the time when I worry I'd walk in on them, in my mind it would be unpleasant and absolutely mortifying, but this was sweet. Peeta was sitting up, out of the covers, one arm tucked under Katniss' small head. His head lolled in a way that suggested he didn't mean to fall asleep. He just _was_.

Katniss was on the other side of the bed, buried in blankets up to her eyes. Her head was resting on Peeta's shoulder and one arm curled on top of Peeta's torso, as if she hesitated putting her arm around him at the last second, and fell asleep halfway through the stretch. Black hair was strew quite messily all around her head, even getting in her mouth, which was hanging open. To put it bluntly, they both looked like accidents. Peeta looked as if he didn't mean to fall asleep, but he had by mistake. And Katniss looked as though she hadn't meant to cuddle up to him. Half of her body was twisted away from him, but the other half uncertainly huddled close to him.

As I stood there, watching them, a stone of sympathy formed in my throat. It was obvious to us all that she's been…distant wasn't the word. Almost…_avoiding _Peeta. Before this, they were happy and not afraid to hold hands in public or freely cozy up, with people around and everything. But now it seems as though maybe they're acquaintances or just friends. Seeing this, I knew the battle had been lost. Katniss knew she couldn't make it without the strength of her partner next to her, helping her limp along as needed. I just wasn't sure what it took for here to see that.

Shaking my head slightly, I closed the door with a quiet "click" and tiptoed back to my room. I'd have to admit it was much easier going to sleep after that, having the reassuring picture of my big sister's security in my head. With blankets poofed around my head and the room heavy with darkness, I let my mind slip out of my fingers like water from fingers. I was asleep without any trouble, not knowing.

**Katniss' POV**

The next time I opened my eyes, I was in bed. It was still dark out, but Peeta was still by my side. It took me a second to register why I'd woken up, but as soon as I did, I shot upright. The acrid smell of smoke filled my nose and my lungs, making me cough. It was hazy and dark in the room _because_ of the smoke.

"Peeta," I coughed, my words wheezing out of my lungs as if I was a decrepit old smoker. "Peeta, wake up." My hands shook his shoulder roughly, and I coughed some more.

Peeta's eyes fluttered open a second later, but the second he did, they flew wide and afraid. "Katniss?" He glanced at me. "Why is it smoky, Katniss?" His lungs were just as wheezy, but only because he had been sitting up higher than I had, and he'd gotten way more smoke than I.

"Fire, Peeta." I coughed some more, feeling the pain in my lungs like fire. It kind of _was_. "We need to go. Get Prim…and—" I hacked, doubling over. "…Mother."

"I'll get them." He winced as he inhaled, but nevertheless pursed his lips and crawled down onto the ground from the bed. "Go out the window. The trellis will act as a ladder."

"No, Peeta!" I dropped down onto the ground, finally glad for some semi-fresh air. "I'm not leaving you."

"And _I'm_ not leaving Primrose and your mother." Peeta's look was like steel. "Go, Katniss, I'll catch up."

With tears in my eyes—not just because of the smoke—I turned around and crawled, trembling, to the window which I lifted up. Black smoke belched out the window like an open wound. Still coughing my lungs out, I pulled my numb body out of it and found a foothold on the trellis as Peeta said. My heart was racing a million miles an hour as I climbed down. I was scared. Scared for me, scared for Peeta, scared for Mother and Prim and the house. What had caused the fire? Maybe Mother had been cooking, and she managed to get out because the kitchen was on the first floor. I didn't know, and I didn't have time to ask questions.

Loosening my grip on the trellis, I dropped onto the ground and hastily backed away a few feet from the house before actually looking at it. What I saw made me stumble and fall backwards, but I had to scramble up again and run several more feet from it. _No._

There were a line of Victor's houses making a rough U-shape, and the forest ringed about fifty feet from the back of each of them. Eight of those houses were already consumed, golden fire licking the sky with its fiery tongue, sending smoke into the heavens like ribbons. The fire which had eaten up the first eight in the semi-circle was also in the forest. It reached as far as I could see both ways, and the smoke filled the sky, letting ashes like snow fall at our feet, creating a dusty effect. My town was on fire. My forest was on fire. My house was on fire. My _life_ was on fire. I wanted to run back in the house for my family, but I knew I couldn't. Either they got out or they didn't, but either way it was impossible for me to go back in. Forcing sobs down, I just turned my back to the fire and ran straight for the forest. Luckily, the part of the forest that was on fire didn't include the lake, so I aimed for that.

I ran until my sobs disabled me, and then I dropped onto my hands and knees and _crawled_, waves of hacking and coughing and tears shaking my shoulders. I crawled for some time, hearing the giant fire grow closer and closer. And something else that grew closer was a voice.

"Katniss!" it called out, faint at first. Then got louder. "Katniss!"

Peeta.

I turned around just in time to see him barreling towards me, holding Prim's hand. Mother was running along with them. Terror shone in their eyes, real and horrifying.

"Peeta! Prim!" I screamed, holding my arms out for them. "Mother!"

They all skidded next to me, but with their arms shoved me to keep running. I did.

"We have to get away," Peeta said, his breath pumping in and out with every step.

No, _duh_.

"The fire," Mother was gasping. She wasn't used to running this fast for this long. "Is faster than any possible I've ever seen."

Prim was sobbing. "District 12," She cried. "It's _gone_. It's—" She suddenly flew out of my vision with a piercing scream that sent chills up my bones.

I was forced to slew sideways and double back for her. She was laying face-down in a fit of screaming tears. And, to my horror, her leg was broke clean in half at the shin, foot caught under a root. A nasty, bloody piece of bone stuck grotesquely out of her calf. Cried began pouring from my mouth and I took her, trying to pull her from the twisted root. She just screamed more.

Peeta suddenly appeared next to me and got her unstuck and was carrying her, running once more. "Come _on_, Katniss!"

We were sprinting again, though it had to be faster. I could see the blazing fire just above the treetops behind us when I looked, and that gave me the incentive to run. I could see Mother up ahead, along with the clearing of the lake. I was about to laugh with relief when Peeta gave a low moan and fell to the ground on his knees.

"Peeta, w—?" I said frantically. The fire was approaching. "Get up, we have to go!"

"I…_can't._" He huffed, blood dribbling from his lower lip. "T-take…Prim."

"No, Peeta, I will not leave you again!" I screamed, over the sound of Prim's own yells and the roar of the flames. "You are _coming_!"

"No…" He dropped Prim onto the ground. "I'll…catch up… _Go_."

I had no choice. Sobbing loudly, I scooped my little sister up in my arms and ran toward the lake without looking back. The crack of twigs behind me told my brain that he'd gotten up and was once again running, too, but there were no footsteps behind me.

I burst into the lake clearing and sloshed into the water, crying over my injured little sister and Peeta, who still hadn't come I had no time, though. Immediately after I got rib-deep in the water (Prim's head was just above the surface, and she had blacked out) the fire came. It was easily thirty feet tall, eating up the trees like a giant vacuum cleaner. There was a twenty-foot space between the tree line and the water which was only sandy dirt. That stuff couldn't catch, so it remained clear as the Fire parted and surged around the lake.

Mother appeared next to me and took Primrose in her arms. She was crying silent tears, but I need not ask what over. _Everything_.

Though the fire didn't slow or dwindle, I sloshed back out of the water and landed on the soil, despite my mother's cries to stay back.

"Peeta," I whispered, tears rubbing down my face, which was hot from the flame raging in front of me. With trembling arms, I pulled myself up further onto the ground and screamed into the sky. "Peeta! Peeta!" I yelled his name, but it didn't make him appear. He was gone. "PEETA!" My scream echoed in my head, in the entirety of the forest, all around. And it was that scream that broke the barrier of sound between the real world and the dream world.

I thrashed, squeezing my eyes shut against the world. The heat from the fire was still licking up my body, and I was still yelling. "Peeta!" Sobs came ripping from my throat. I felt branches whipping across my arms and my shoulder, but I hit them away, screaming at the top of my lungs. "Peeta! PEETA!" He was gone, he was gone. The fire was in my chest and heart, and screamed. The branches still persisted, and I still hit them away, but one of them was stronger than the rest. It wrapped around my shoulders, pinning my arms to my side, and something stifling pressed into the side of my face.

I stopped struggling. Let them take me, stupid flaming sticks. Let them take me, let the fire eat away at my bones. I was crying, curling my body up into a little ball against the strange, the stifling something pressed on my face. I tried to say Peeta's name again but it just came out as more crying hot, morose tears.

"Jesus, Katniss, you're _okay_," A voice broke through my head, which felt like it was stuffed with cotton.

I just shook my head. Hell no, my boy just got eaten by a fire that burned down my entire down. _Nothing_ is okay.

"Katniss, look at me." The voice came again, breaking even more of my cotton-headed tears. "Katniss,"

I wrapped my arms around my chest and tucked my face against them, shaking violently all over. His voice… Get away, you're not real. You're dead. Don't taunt me.

"_Katniss._" A finger on my chin forced my head up.

Through the tears, I managed to pry open my eyes and stare, though blurrily, into the face of…

"Peeta?" I said in pure confusion, brows furrowing despite my trembling shoulders. "Wha…?"

He shook his head at me and took his hand away from my chin, only to wrap it comfortingly around my shoulders. "I thought you'd never stop screaming. Are you okay?"

My breathing was coming out in little hiccups, and my face was still wet with tears. Face buried in his chest, I tucked my knees as close to my collarbone as they could go. I shook my head.

Even though I was out of the consuming fire dream, my skin still felt like it was on fire, and sweat stuck my hair to the back of my neck and was _enough_ to form a tiny drip down the front of my ear. Try as I might, I wouldn't stop shaking. Peeta swept his hand across the back of my head, burying his fingers in the hair at the back of my neck. It was no doubt greasy and gross.

We were like this for a few minutes, Peeta holding me tight as I shook. Slowly, the shaking dwindled enough for me to lift my head and sit up a little straighter. My arm muscles were currently out of order, and it took all of my strength just to put my hand son Peeta's chest to prop myself up. I was completely weakened by the dream, and I felt kind of like vomiting.

Peeta's arms were wrapped securely around me, but when I sat up he loosened them and looked slightly guilty that he had them around me in the first place. But even though his arms were dropped by his sides, he lifted one to brush a finger against my cheek, where a tear was sliding down.

"You were screaming my name." Peeta said quietly. "What…what was the dream about?"

There was a long pause, and I dropped my gaze from his. Though I didn't fully take my hands away from his chest (I'd collapse if I did), I brought one up to wipe away a bead of sweat that had rolled down my neck. "…... There was a fire." I shrugged, trying to dismiss it as not such a bad dream, but the panic inhale of breath at the memory gave me away. "It had already taken up District 12, and the dream started right where we are now. Right here, just as we had fallen asleep. It was so real..."

Peeta's brows furrowed, but he didn't have to word his question.

"We ran," I said. "But it was too fast, the fire. It ate _everything_. And we were running to the lake. Prim tripped on a root and…and…" I gulped, my eyes widening involuntarily. "Her leg broke… You carried her but right when we were just before the lake, you couldn't carry her any more. Your legs gave way and you fell. I took Prim and we made it to the lake, as did Mother."

A long pause before I took a shaky breath, my mouth forming a grimace with another bout of oncoming tears.

"I watch y-you go up in flames. I saw your face be-before you…" Looking away so hopefully he couldn't see the fresh tear that ran from my eye, I took another shaky breath. "And I was screaming on the shore of the lake for you to run." I couldn't take it anymore, so I buried my face in my hands, leaning against Peeta's shoulder.

To my own ears the recollection of the dream sounded like nothing. I shouldn't have been screaming my lungs out and crying all over the place, but he wasn't _there_. He didn't see our home in flames.

Peeta's arms went around me again and he shushed me gently, like a child.

"Peeta," I sniffed, rubbing my eyes with a hand. "W-Where's Mother and Prim?"

"Your mother went to work, and Prim was sent into town for flour." He explained in a soft voice, as though not really believing I meant the change of subject as genuine. "It's just me."

I frowned a bit. Now that I was done scrubbing away the tears, I had leaned back, exhausted, against him, head back on his shoulder. "Did you hear my screaming from your house?"

Peeta paused, and then exhaled defensively. "No. I didn't mean to fall asleep here, but I did."

He probably _did_ mean to. I didn't respond.

"…Katniss?" Peeta's finger found its way under my chin again, forcing me to look at him. "It's not just the dream. _Tell me_, Katniss."

I…was pretty sure it was just the dream, but his gaze was so intense, I almost wanted to shrink under it. "It's nothing." I said in a whisper, unable to take my eyes from his.

He shook his head. "No, it's not. Please, Katniss. You were creaming for half an hour before I got you to calm down, and now you're acting really weird."

I wasn't aware I was acting weird. Swallowing, I hugged my arms back to my chest, not saying anything.

"Katniss," Peeta used his authority, deep man-voice. He was totally serious.

Swallowing hard, I managed to pull my gaze away and put my forehead on his shoulder. "I lose you so often. In dreams, you always say you're there, and you always leave. Die, vanish, abandon me… I'm sick of being so vulnerable and _breakable_, and I hate dreaming about stuff like that. It scares me so bad, but as soon as I know it's just a dream, I feel stupid and foolish to have bothered you with my…complaining and whining."

He didn't move to brush aside my hair or touch my cheek or anything. His chest just rose and fell with a silent sigh. "Don't, Katniss. You don't ever have to feel that way, and I'll never leave you in real life. You know that. Even though the inconsistency is driving you mad, I'm sure over time it'll pass."

I snorted, pouting against his shoulder. "I doubt it. I'm thoroughly convinced I'm going insane."

To my surprise, I felt Peeta lean his face down close to mine, lips almost touching my ear. "What's not to love about an insane woman?" he whispered, and then drew his face back from mine.

I didn't know what to say to that. His words made me automatically melt into a pool of Katniss, but I wasn't sure exactly how to respond. Give him a list of 'what's not to love about an insane woman'? Get up and fix breakfast? Give him a friendly punch on the shoulder and say "that's the spirit"? I didn't know. It rendered me confused and wordless.

Sighing, I sat up a bit and looked at Peeta, face puckered sadly. For a minute I sat there and looked at him. He held my gaze with his own. Curiosity made me lift a hand and put it against Peeta's cheek, surprising the both of us. Peeta's brows puckered in confusion and astonishment. His skin was as smooth as ever and still remained untouched by any form of stubble. Whatever they did to him in the first Games seemed to still work, which was odd.

I couldn't help but rub my thumb along his jaw line. "You still don't shave, do you?" The question, which would have originally bothered me, didn't make me embarrassed or even blush.

His mouth twitched up into a smile. "I don't have to. I'm worried it'll never grow again. It would take out a chunk of my manliness to not be able to grow facial hair."

I couldn't help but smile as well, inadvertently. "You don't need to worry about your manliness." I said in a quiet voice. Automatically, my face heated and I was back to being the normal mortified Katniss who felt tiny against a world of constant embarrassments.

Peeta let out a laugh, and then took my face in both hands. He was grinning. "Thank you for reassuring me that, Katniss." Almost reluctantly (but not quite) he leaned his forehead against mine. "It's good to see you've got your sense of humor back."

"More like my sense of perpetual humiliation." I mumbled, still red in the face. "Putting my foot in my mouth as usual…"

There was a moment of quiet between us. Peeta didn't lower his hands or take his face away from mine. On the contrary, he slid a hand under my chin and slowly, unsurely lifted it.

_No kissing! I said no kissing in bed, stupid… _At light-speed, my head debated what to do. Here I was practically sitting on Peeta's lap, and his hands were on my face and he was about to kiss me. My heart was racing as if this were our first kiss again. But, quite the opposite, our first kiss was not very passionate or heart-felt. At all. I didn't know what to do, if I should let him or break my pact and-and… My heartbeat sped up. _Dang it…_

Our lips were only an inch apart, when Peeta hesitated. "Is this okay?" His voice was a near-silent whisper, and I could feel his breath on my mouth.

_Oh, god, I'm going to pass out… _I swallowed and didn't answer for a minute. I had already debated and thought it over and attempted to calm my stupid rapid heartbeat (to no avail, obviously). Screw it all. I had to swallow down a nervous lump in my throat the size of a boulder before tentatively reached up my hands and putting them around Peeta's neck. He didn't even have to laugh and make some witty remark before I pulled him the last inch and kissed him.

Peeta's response was automatic; he shut his eyes and parted his lips briefly, skimming his hands down from my face to my shoulders. I let my lips part along with his and leaned into it. It tasted sweet and salty at the same time, but I couldn't register anything else, really. I hadn't let my hands go anywhere but his neck, but I willingly deepened the kiss. _Not too far, Katniss. Be careful. _

And I knew that.

I sighed against Peeta's mouth and pulled away from him, still not opening my eyes.

_That was too short. Longer, longer._

Shut up.

_No, no, he tasted good. Longer. Kiss him again. _

Good things don't come from listening to my brain.

_You really, REALLY want to, though. You want to kiss him again._

I swallowed and opened my eyes, chancing a glimpse at Peeta's expression. He looked like I felt.

_Come on, Katniss._

If I had the ability to kill my own thoughts, I would have. Instead, I just shoved them down mentally violently and un-tucked my legs from under me. "I'll fix us breakfast." I offered quietly, got up, and left the room in my ruffled pink nighty, feeling as light as a feather.

_Stop skipping down the stairs, Katniss. You'll trip._

**oOo**

_I apologize for the odd ending, but it wasn't too bad, was it? Anyhoo, this chapter is kind of pointless, but I know all of you would appreciate the light fluff and the super-awesome dream sequence. Review telling me how AWESOME their kiss was! Or if you don't want to, feel free to wallow in the tingliness it brings us all. I think more kissing is in order, don't you?_

_One last thing I must say before departing:_

_His mind is the most beautiful thing I've ever gotten the honor of seeing into. No words are to describe how much awe I am in. I realize I'm misusing whatever talent I may have, and with that I will say I hope that I'll be able to learn a thing or two from you._


	50. Chapter 50

_WOOT! Happy 50__th__ chapter! I wrote just about all of it beforehand in my notebook, so… It might seem a bit scattered but don't worry. We all like Peeta's POV, right?_

**oOo**

**PEETA'S POV**

It took a minute for me to clear my brain and register what just happened, and by the time I _did_, Katniss was gone. I sat there on the edge of the bed for another moment briefly running my tongue along the outside of my bottom lip. I could still _taste_ her. Coppery and hesitant. But she had left me just sitting there on her bed, remembering the screams of terror that had woke me up half an hour before, and the kiss that said more than words.

Mindlessly, I got up and jogged down the stairs. If Katniss had been honest, she's in the kitchen making some inedible form of breakfast. Only pausing to brush off my shirt, I opened the kitchen door hesitantly and walked in. Inside, Katniss was leaning on the counter, head bent in thought, back to me. In front of her there was a just of orange juice and two glasses; one full, one half-full. When I came in, her head snapped up and she stuttered, brows furrowed.

"I—" She pursed her lips endearingly and hen hastily filled the second cup up the rest of the way, putting the juice back after she was done. Wordlessly, she handed me the glass.

"Thanks." Though me fingers were curled around the glass, I couldn't take my eyes off of _her_. Her beautiful face, vacant in thought. Her slim neck and shoulders. Her chest, curving down to a waist and narrow hips. The small pink nighty that I dared catch her in, which fell short, exposing lean legs from years of running in the forest. She was barefoot.

"Why are you staring at me?" Katniss asked quietly, somewhat self-consciously. Her shoulders were hunched uncomfortably and her brows were creased.

I blinked and looked away. "Because…I'm in mild shock."

Nothing was said to that. She just turned away, reaching a hand towards the toasted. It had gone off a second earlier, producing four surprisingly non-burnt pieces of toast. Katniss just grabbed those and began to spread jam on them wordlessly.

I didn't push her. All I did was resist touching her shoulder and sit down. When she was done fixing our breakfasts, she just set the plates down on the table. Her brows were still furrowed, and I was determined to know the reason.

We didn't speak for another five minutes about. Neither of us ate much for those five minutes either. I just sat there, leaning forwards on my elbows, watching Katniss through my eyelashes. Katniss, however, didn't look at me once. She had her arms crossed on the table as well, head bowed down to her food. When the five minutes passed, she sighed and pressed her cheek against the cool wood of the table.

"We've kissed before…" Katniss said quietly out of the blue. "I don't know why this time…." She turned so where her head was propped on her chin.

I wanted to bring up Monday when she oh-so-amusingly pointed out that I was a great kisser (never mind wanting to murder Benj for flirting with her). Instead, I tried to catch her eye and took a breath. "Because you've changed. It's different because _you're_ different."

Katniss glanced up at me, looking almost surprised that I had said that. "That doesn't make any sense. It's only been four…five days. You can't change a person in less than a week. A lifetime, maybe. But even then, it should have changed what a single kiss felt like." Though a tad blunt, she didn't blush.

"It was controlled and had a reason. It wasn't mindless." I took a drink of juice. "And you have to admit, that's a change in itself."

That right there earned me a blush from Katniss. She averted her gaze and grumbled, though I knew she agreed with me. "That makes sense, I guess. But it's never that easy. I'll just keep trying…" she trailed off, mumbling, and then promptly took a bite of toast.

I wondered to myself why she was so pessimistic and disbelieving. If she could just accept "now" for what it is and not question the good. I wished I could change her view around, make her realize that the world isn't out to get her (anymore).

I stood up and Katniss' eyes followed me around the table. She frowned when I held my hand down to her.

"What?" she asked, eyebrows still puckered.

All I did was nod once, gazing down intently at her, not dropping my outstretched hand.

Tentatively, she took it and stood up. Her nighty was bunched around her hips and she seemed smaller next to me than before. When she raised her brow at me, all I did was just tuck her under my arms and press my chin lightly to her neck.

"You don't _have_ to keep trying, Katniss." I told her softly. "I don't know why you can't accept that maybe it _is_ this easy. You don't have to keep killing yourself over something that may be as good as it gets."

Katniss had her arms only halfway around me, fingers bunched around the material of my shirt at the waist. She had her forehead on my shoulder. "This can't be as good as it gets. I-I'm still…"

What? Mentally unstable? An idiot? I wanted to shake my head, but I didn't get the chance.

"Unreliable, rash, inconsistent, semi-insane, ludicrous, and stupid enough not to let you sweep me off my feet." Her words nearly blurred together she spoke so fast. Katniss lifted her head off my shoulder and blinked at me, eyes wide and sad. "If this is as good as it gets I'm doomed. _We're_ doomed." Making a noise of exhaustion, she put her head back. "I wish we could go back to how it was before, the two of us…"

I _hated_ when she said that! "Before when, Katniss? Before the Games? Before the Quell? Before you killed Snow? Before you decided you aren't good enough for me?" I swallowed, not wanting to feel—but nevertheless feeling a small lump form in my throat. "What's so great about 'before' anyway? What's so great that you want to leave now and rewind all the good you've done, all the accomplishments you've made and the good times we've had?" Closing my eyes, I leaned down and pressed the side of my face against her neck. "You said you're too stupid to let me sweep you off your feet. Well, I don't need your permission. I'm not going to give up no matter what it takes."

Silence.

The stillness was nearly painful, but when something was finally said, it was by Katniss.

She lifted her head off of me. "Damn you, Peeta, for making so much sense."

I felt like laughing out loud in relief. It's about time something got through to her. The grin on my face was automatic when I pulled away. "Glad we can come to this agreement.

And finally, _finally_ I got that smile from Katniss that I'd been waiting for. It was tired and small, but nonetheless real. She rubbed her eyes. "Well, I'm breaking my own rule here." To my raised eyebrows, she said nothing. "I'll be right back."

The second after Katniss left I spun around on one foot like an idiot, resisting doing anything else that would be considered foolish. Maybe she'll understand now. Maybe she won't shy away from me anymore. Maybe things will be okay now. I sure hoped.

While she was gone, I scarfed the rest of my toast. Some part of me wondered exactly what "rule" she was breaking, but I think it had to do with the fact that she was wearing practically nothing and had slept with me in that practically-nothing piece of clothing. Though I didn't say anything about it, it was _pretty_ obvious she wasn't wearing anything under it. Last night when she was all crossing her arms and legs to cover up the fact. Not to mention when she woke up screaming and thrashing around, keeping her nighty pulled down was probably the least of her concerns…

Attempting to cover up my thoughts with a loud cough, I wigged some water from the sink until I felt sloshy. Some thoughts, so matter how fun to think, aren't meant to be thought of at all. Even if you _are_ a testosterone-fueled teenage boy. Still.

I laughed out loud, but it came out in a strangled snort. Water burned in my nose.

"What's so funny?" Katniss came in at that precise moment, busy braiding her hair back. She was in a normal pair of trousers and a dark green tank-top, looking freshly showered.

Still grinning, I shook my head. "Just thinking…. I see you've changed." The topic was switched abruptly. "You shower fast."

She scowled, knowing full well I wasn't telling her something. That's okay. Sometimes my thoughts aren't for her ears. Katniss remained surly for another, and then she sighed and preceded to eat the rest of her breakfast. "I think…. I think I had a breakthrough in the shower."

Oh no. Breakthroughs in the shower were never good. It was so hard not to start laughing again, imagining the next words Katniss said was 'I learned I'm a boy'. Quiet strangled noises came from my throat until I controlled them. I raised my eyebrows casually at her. "And what would that be?"

Her silver eyes shifted with embarrassment for a second and she cleared her throat. ""I-I….Well, you—" Katniss made a noise of frustration. "I don't know. It's just… I think I've been upset at all the wrong things here."

Still watching her curiously, I took yet another drink of water. "Like what?"

"...Well… Like-like getting really angry and yelling at you. And for us not sharing a house and for people wanting me to go into therapy and for going mad a lot." She sighed, setting down her piece of toast. "Couples fight all the time. And it doesn't make them love each other less. And-and people don't normally share houses unless they're married, which we aren't."

I was doing my best not to stare open-mouthed at her. Instead, I busied myself with drinking more water. I'm going to need to go to the bathroom soon… Swallowing, I put my eyes back on Katniss.

She took another deep breath. "And therapy can't hurt anything. Who gives a crap about my pride? Everyone knows I'm 'physiologically unstable'."

We both gave small laughs to that because she said those two words so seriously.

"And really, I've yet to let it soak in that mental breakdowns are normal for teenage girls. Honestly." She rolled her eyes as if it were the most obvious thing in the world, which it kind of was. "I'm just a semi-normal 18-year-old girl who's just happened to have witnessed over thirty deaths in her life and who's been through more crap than just about anyone else in Panem right now."

There was another silence.

For a long time I didn't speak, just stared at my feet. We could almost _hear_ the clock above us ticking away every second, and it was too many ticks before either one of us spoke.

"Peeta…?" Katniss' voice was tentative and quiet. When I looked up at her, her eyebrows were puckered and her lower lip was sticking out ever so slightly in a confused manner. I saw her hand twitch and move just an inch closer to me as if to hold my own, but she changed her mind.

Taking a breath, I raised my eyebrows and shook my head slowly in disbelief. "…I have been telling you the same thing for _ages_. It's about time you realize it yourself."My face split into a welcome grin. "You have no idea how glad I am to finally here it come from your own mouth."

Katniss smiled, too, but it looked more relieved than anything. "Good. I thought you were going to call me idiotic or something…"

"No, never." I promised. "You just rendered me speechless for a minute."

Thunderstruck beyond belief, I wrapped my left arm around Katniss' waist, newly unafraid of her reaction. And I was right to be unafraid, because she wrapped her own around me as well.

"I think…" she made a face of musing. "…I'm going to get out today."

"Really?" I raised my eyebrows. "Out where?"

"The woods."

Of course. Though it made perfect sense, I was still a bit concerned, considering the last time I let her be out there alone. When I glanced down at Katniss, she was looking at me with exasperation.

"I can take care of myself, Peeta." She said, rolling her eyes.

"I know."

"I won't…." A grimace twisted her small face. "….try to kill myself, or have a…meltdown. Again."

Though she looked a little ashamed, that didn't stop me from bending down and pressing my lips against her forehead. "I don't want to have to come and get you."

Katniss smiled sadly. "You won't. Not this time." Shaking her head, she detached herself from me and preceded to fill up a water bottle at the sink. "I don't think I'm going to hunt this time. Just…wander. Reacquaint myself with the dangers of isolation and wilderness."

That made me laugh. "Okay. Good luck on that."

When Katniss was done filling her bottle and had tucked it in her belt, we walked over to the front door together in no hurry. Though it was probably just as hot as it was yesterday, she slung a jacket over her shoulders just in case. "I don't know how long I'll be gone, but it doesn't matter I guess. But you might want to go back to the bakery to see if Benj had set the place on fire yet.

I nearly slapped my forehead. _Benj!_ Crap. He's probably….I don't know, sold himself on the kitchen floor or something, stupid man-whore. And the wedding cake! This time I really did slap my forehead. "If he so much as _touches_ the cake, he's getting fired!"

Katniss furrowed her brow. "Don't' fire him. You need all the help you can get out there."

"He's arrogant and incompetent." I didn't mention flirtatious, but only because I knew she'd just laugh. At least _one_ of us got a kick out of Benj's hitting on her. "I might as well hire someone else before he does something reckless."

She just shrugged. "You do that. I'll see you later?"

I nodded. "Come by when you're done." A grin spread across my face. "In one piece, please."

"If you insist." Katniss stretched up on her toes and kissed me, right on the corner of my mouth. "See you later."

"Bye, Katniss." I said quietly, and watched her as she left, wishing I could see this side of Katniss Everdeen more often.

When she was gone, I went back to my house to get ready for the day ahead of me at the bakery. I showered and changed into a different pair of clothes, attempting to shake off the leftover feeling of the strange morning I've had. After I was done with all that, I took my time walking into town. Though it was a start having the bakery actually _open_, regular hours and a dependable schedule would obviously be appreciated by most people in town. As soon as I got another baker or two hired, it would be possible to have such a thing _and_ be able to take leave when necessary. With any hope there should be some people to interview today. But my interviews were basically:

"What's your name?"

"Bob."

"How old are you?"

"40."

"Can you bake cake?"

"Nah, I don't reckon I can."

"Can you bake cookies?"

"Nope."

"Can you bake…bread?"

"….never tried."

It usually went fast, though I've only ever interviewed two people; Benj, and the girl before him. She could bake adequately, but the knife in the waistband of her jeans and the crew-cut bothered me.

When I got to my bakery, I found something odd there for me. Benjamin Erik was sitting up against the door, head lolled on his shoulder, jaw slack, obviously sleeping.

I frowned at him and shook his shoulder. "BENJAMIN. Wake up."

With a snort and a grumble, his eyes peeled open. When he saw me, Benj gave a great start, scrambling up. "Where were you? I thought I was supposed to be here at eight! Did I hear wrong?"

"No." I jiggled the key in the doorknob of the bakery and heard the tumblers catch. "OI was late, that's all. But only by an hour."

Benj wiped a stray bit of drool from his lip. "Oh. Okay. Sorry."

He annoyed me sometimes. "Why didn't you open up without me?"

A red flush appeared on his cheeks. "I forgot my keys here."

I suppose that's the kind of person you get from District 1. Beauty, but no brains. Oh well. At least he didn't have the chance to burn the place down. As I walked in, I switched the light on and changed the sign to 'open'.

"Get to work on the macadamia loaves, Benj." I ordered him, stowing the keys in my pocket. "We're out."

Benj heaved a sign, but obeyed.

The day went slowly at first. We had a few customers, and some people looking for a job. The first person that came in was a man named was Thomas Ernie, and he could bake just fine. The only problem I found with him was that his 15-year-old some was being practically dragged around by the hair everywhere Thomas went, because of something he did or did not do. They kept on stopping the interview just to argue. Thomas seemed to not want his son, Ender, out of his sight, which would mean having to hire Ender, too, but the kid wasn't having any of his father's crap. His attitude was not one I'd see being of much help here, and it was finally decided that neither of them would be hired. I all but kicked them out with a polite "I'll consider".

But finally, there was a woman. She came in at about 11:00, and stood so still in the doorway for so long, I thought she wasn't going to do anything at all. She looked maybe twenty-five, with short black hair and skin a shade or two darker than Katniss', but not really _dark_. She was fair and small, but about as timid as a mouse. And her resemblance was of one, too. When she stepped up to the counter and spoke, I was surprised.

"I would like," she said in an almost breathless voice, words near-silent, "a job."

I took out my usual pad of paper for things kinds of things. "What's your name?"

"Anna-Mae Rull. I'm twenty-two."

Hm… I jotted this down, considering everything I should consider. To be perfectly honest, I had a feeling she would be very much frightened by Benj, but you never knew. I rubbed my chin and looked up at her again. "Can you bake, Anna-Mae?"

She blinked nervously up at me. "I was the daughter of the baker in District 11. Mother taught me everything I know, and she was the best there was."

"'Was'?" I couldn't help but frown, wondering this girl's story. Being the baker's daughter seemed a very good choice for an employee, and I was eager to hear more about her.

"Mother and Father died in the bombing, as did my fiancé." A tiny smile appeared on her face, and she said in her usual breathless voice, "Where's better to start than here?"

I tried smiling back at her to coax her out of her shell, because if she was going to work with Benj as well, she'll need it. "Very true, very true. Well, schedules and hours aren't really top priority right now, but I'm able to arrange something concrete if you prefer."

She shrugged, black eyes wandering off around the bakery. "I have nothing else to do any other time."

Odd girl.

I cleared my throat, storing the paper. "Well, Anna-Mae, if you'd like to meet your co-worker, Benja—"

"I got the job?" She turned back to me, thin eyebrows forming a small crease.

I nodded. "Yes ma-am, if you accept."

She nodded as I did.

"Well," I walked around the counter and put a light hand on her shoulder, guiding her back to the kitchen. "When you come to work every day you are to grab an apron from around here and…"

I showed her around, told her the routine and how to work all the ovens, the special refrigerator which was not to be touched right then (it held the wedding cake), and everything else she might need to know. Benjamin was oddly quiet and polite while introducing himself, earning himself a smile back from Anna-Mae. Right then a weight was lifted off my shoulders. That took care of them. They might keep one another in check.

I got to work on the new schedule.

The minutes turned into hours, and at about ten 'till two the little bell on the door jingled merrily. My two employees looked up, but I waved them off to get it myself. And, to my surprise, it was Katniss. In one piece.

"Hey," I said softly, furrowing my eyebrows slightly because of her despondent expression. I folded my hands on the top of the high display counter dividing us two. "How was your trip?"

She put her hand on the countertop too, slipping it into mine. Her face didn't change, though, and I worried something was wrong. Katniss shrugged. "It was fine."

For a moment there was a pause, in which I made up my mind. "Hold on," I turned away from her and went back into the kitchen, taking off my apron as I went. Both pair of eyes were on me as I hung it up. "Katniss is here, so I—"

Benj wolf-whistled and I turned my most menacing gaze on him, glaring until he broke eye contact and looked away.

"Anyways, I need to go. Close at seven-thirty, if you must go for a dinner break but make it short," It was probably not too smart to leave Benj with this nice young lady, but I don't think he would try anything bad or blow anything up. When I looked at Anna-Mae, she seemed a little concerned. "Don't worry. Would you like to man the cash register?" I asked her, giving her a chance to keep her distance until she was more comfortable with Benj.

She nodded gratefully, and I waved her towards me.

Before I left the kitchen, though, I turned back to my other employee. "And Benj? _Please_ don't forget your keys. If I'm not here tomorrow at eight, open up without me."

He nodded once.

And with that, I grabbed a cloth sack of cheese buns in one hand and took Anna-Mae back out into the store part of the bakery to meet Katniss. Katniss was still standing there, arms clutched around her chest in thought. When I came back out and she saw my new worker, a strange look crossed her face, though I couldn't place it entirely.

"This is Katniss," I told Anna-Mae, waving my hand at Katniss. Then I looked at Katniss. "This is my new baker, Anna-Mae."

They shook hands in the shy, awkward way girls do, and Katniss nodded her head. "It's nice to meet you, Anna-Mae."

The other girl nodded without saying anything. Anna-Mae back up and went to go stand behind the cash register, and I took that as a sign that I could leave. I offered Katniss my arm—which she accepted—and we set out.

As we walked, I watched her, which her head low and shoulders slumped. I wanted to ask what happened, I wanted to comfort her and put the smile she had on this morning back. But I didn't; just stayed silent and held her closer to me until we got home, cheese buns swinging merrily in one hand as if nothing has happened. They were just cheese buns, after all.

**oOo**

_It'll explain things next chapter don't worry._

_I have to admit, I feel very self-conscious and insignificant and amateurish ever since Last Tuesday. Someone just pointed out that this story is very plot-less, in fact, and I don't disagree. In fact, I know that. It's painful, that I know that yet still write. And writing this chapter out just makes me feel even worse because it was pointless, and…well, let's just say that the person I talked to has a much better brain than I. I just feel insignificant and small, but mostly…. Mostly, I'm upset. I'm not accusing anybody, but the one thing I hate most, my biggest pet peeve is when I'm lied to. Especially about things like this. That's all I'm saying, is that I'm disappointed not about someone telling me this story is basically a waste of talent (my own words, not his), not that. But just because people lie to me about it. Anyhoo, review if you want. I don't see why you would though…_


	51. Chapter 51

_I hated how I ended the last chapter. Screw me. I suck._

**oOo**

**Still Peeta's POV**

We went home in silence, and I couldn't help but be upset. Things were fine just this morning, and now we were back to the way we were before. I was upset at me for a reason I couldn't find (as usual), I was upset at Katniss for being upset at all, and I was upset at the world for letting it happen. It was tedious and unfair.

When Katniss and I got to the Victor's Village, I led us up the porch, but stopped before we got in. Katniss, who had her shoulders hunched, straightened her back a little and looked up at me with a confused look.

"What is it, Katniss?" I demanded, not wanting to be rude but completely fed up. "What is it _this time_?"

She recoiled with a defensive face on, looking hurt.

"I—" I sighed, feeling guilty under that wounded pout of hers that could make me cut out my lungs and eat them with steak sauce if she asked. "I'm sorry Katniss, I just…"

Katniss grimaced, dropping her gaze. "I know. I'm sorry."

"Just…please," Hesitantly, I reached my finger to her face and pulled up a corner of her mouth in jest. "Smile. Because this morning was excellent, and now you're back to being sad again. Smile."

She tried, but it ended up being this frightening contortion. But the effort made _me_ smile.

"I'll fix you lunch." I circled her shoulders with my arm and led her inside, only upset on the inside. So many apologies… One of these days I'm going to crack completely and go on this suicidal rampage. The thought made me snort a little.

As soon as my arm left Katniss' shoulders, she went in the opposite direction as I, and went to curl up on the couch, knees tucked to her chest, chin resting on top of them. She didn't look….depressed or injured, necessarily. More along the lines of as if she just read a very poignant poem and is thinking over its power, which was an odd look for Katniss to have on in the first place.

I wanted to look back and comfort her, but I didn't do that. Resisting anything of that sort, I just plowed on into the kitchen and began whipping up bowls of chicken noodle soup and warming the cheese buns. If that didn't cheer up Katniss, I didn't know what would. And, just for good measure, I tossed a batch of cookies in the oven. Perhaps while everything was cooking I should go and give her a hug… Risking a peek in the living room, I saw that Katniss was still in the exact same position. But I decided not to go in there quite yet.

After a bit, our food was done, and I let the soup cool a little while icing the cookies. I knew it was not necessary, but even so, I hoped the little yellow smiles I put on there would at least cheer her up a bit. Holding our soups with both hands and with my pinky looped around the small sack of cookies, I walked tentatively into the living room and sat in front of Katniss on the couch. To my relief, she accepted the food. Even I knew not to speak while we ate. Though she still didn't stop looking so shattered, her poignant face morphed into just tired and emotionless.

When Katniss was done eating, I took our bowls into the kitchen and put them both in the sink, going back to her afterwards. I felt her gaze follow me, and when I reached into the sack I had concealed next to me, she frowned.

"I made these for you," I said, feeling a little corny, but nevertheless handing her a smiley-face cookie.

Katniss took one look at the design and a snort bubbled from her throat in an obvious attempt not to laugh. There was a moment when she just sat there, looking at the cookie, but then she lifted her head up at me. "Thanks, Peeta." Her expression was grateful.

There wasn't anything to do except grin back and sneak my arm around her waist. To my relief, she sank in next to me and rested her head on my shoulder.

We sat like that for a while, munching on the dozen of homemade cookies I whipped up. Part of me felt incredibly accomplished at cheering Katniss up (no matter how little), and even more so when we were finished. Katniss was absentmindedly sucking the icing off the tip of her thumb, eyes staring off into the distance in thought. She was fun to watch every once and a while, and right then was one of those times. I could see her thinking, about what I wasn't sure, but every now and then I could see her expression change a fraction. Her eyebrows furrow a tiny bit, accompanied with a couple of blinks, as if she was surprised that she thought that. Sometimes her eyes widened a bit or her jaw would clench momentarily. And when Katniss finally caught me looking at her, she looked up. There was a tiny bit of icing smudged on her lower lip.

It was hard not to laugh.

"What?" Katniss pouted defensively, as she did every time she caught me staring at her.

I shook my head slightly and reached out to gently wipe the bit of icing off with my thumb. "You had something on your face."

A tiny flush appeared on her cheeks, but it didn't miff her other than that. "Oh…"

Another long pause, at which the end _I_ broke.

"So, Katniss…" I wasn't sure how to ask. I stretched out my arm that was around Katniss' waist—which was falling asleep—and made a contemplative face. "Everything went okay in the woods?"

The look she gave me accompanied an eye-roll, and told me clearly that she expected that question eventually. Katniss shrugged. "Nothing."

Sighing, I shook my head. "How come I don't believe that?"

Katniss rolled her eyes a second time. "Peeta, nothing happened. Nothing happened the last time either. It was just me. Still is."

"Just you…" I trailed off, not understanding my insufferable girl next to me.

For another minute Katniss didn't respond, but to my extreme surprise, when I _did_ look over at her again, her eyes were moist and she looked upset.

"He says it's my fault, Peeta." She said quietly, not meeting my gaze. "He died because of me."

Oh, good lord. Biting my lip, I furrowed my brows down at her. "What do you mean? Is this about the dream you had last night?"

"No," Katniss was obviously telling the truth, just by the torn look. "But I've had other dreams about him."

Gale. Of course.

Her eyes were now sparkling and she had to blink a lot to clear her vision enough to focus her gaze up at me, but blinking caused a silver tear to slide down onto her nose. "He says that it's m fault he died, but I thought I was over him, past that… I wanted to go to the forest to prove to myself I could. And for the first part I was fine just wandering."

I swallowed. "And the second part?"

She shook her head, taking a shaky breath. "Nothing still happened, but I remembered how he said it was my fault." Katniss brought her glance up to me slowly with a frightened look of a child, naïve and innocent. "Was it my fault, Peeta?"

I had a feeling that now wasn't the time to just say 'no'. She needed more than an emotional response. Biting my lip again, I curled my arm a little more snugly around her—as if afraid she'd run away—and took a breath. "There was nothing you could have done."

"I could have _saved_ him." Katniss put her face in her hands, not quite sobbing. "If we hadn't gotten caught up with Haymitch…"

"You had no way of knowing, Katniss. Gale is—_was_ a free-willed man who made the choice of being there when he was. Even if we hadn't been caught up with Haymitch, he had lost blood. There was nothing you could have done. And dreams are just dreams. Don't let them get to you."

She crossed her arms over her chest and grimaced, yet another tear sliding down her face. "The forest reminds me too much of him. It was _ours_."

With my arm that wasn't around her, I gently loosened hers from her chest and laced my left hand with her right. "He gave it to you, though."

Katniss looked incredulous and like I'd said something astoundingly stupid.

"You know he'd still want you to go there." I can't believe I was defending Gale, but I'd long since gotten over my hatred for him. Long since. "And instead of never going there because it reminds you of him, go there exactly why. It belonged to you and him, it's a place where you can feel at home again. All this crazy, insane stuff going on here with me and everyone else… The woods are your escape." I averted my gaze for no reason, narrowing my eyes slightly. "They always have been. You shouldn't be afraid to go."

For a few minutes Katniss said nothing. An awed silence stretched over us like a blanket, warming me from my head to my toes. And when the quiet finally ended, Katniss sighed, pressing the side of her face against my shoulder.

"There should be more of you in the world, Peeta." She admitted almost sheepishly, streaks of red appearing on her cheeks. "You have this talent of blowing me away."

Another sense of accomplishment settled on my heart, and the smile that came afterwards was inevitable. "I suppose neither of us is too stupid after all."

I felt Katniss smile slightly against my shoulder, too. "It's too late anyways. You swept me off my feet a long time ago."

"When?" I wasn't sure, but I could feel some little game forming, and I was enjoying myself quite a lot.

"Don't even ask…" She rolled her eyes and stood up, freeing my arm.

I felt an almost painful rush of blood back into it, but the sleepy tingles I felt were completely worth it. Stretching out my arm a little, I stood up as well.

"Mother gets home in ten minutes…" Katniss said, glancing at the wall.

I was startled by the abrupt change of subject, and it took a minute to figure out exactly what she was talking about. But of course, the topic was reached yesterday and I remembered. "Do you think Caroline will come here with Ivy after she's done with work, or maybe your mother will walk home with her?"

She shrugged, rubbing her eyes. "Whatever it is, I should change if I'm working in the dirt."

I looked her up and down and silently agreed at her choice of attire. She looked surprisingly clean and groomed, in a pair of long beige trousers that seemed freshly washed and ironed. Her green tank-top seemed ok for gardening, but…

Katniss chewed her lower lip a bit, cocking her head at me in slight thought, the way she did often. "…I'm going to go back to my house to change before Mother and Caroline and Ivy get here."

I automatically hung my head in defeat, unable to stop the disappointed feeling. But before I heard the door open and close, I felt a slim finger under my chin and a pair of lips on my cheek. Looking up, I saw Katniss' back as she left before I could react. Come back… Sighing, I shook my head and went up to my own room. Women…

Twenty minutes later, I heard a knock on my door. Blinking at my doorway in surprise, I swished my paintbrush in the pot of water and set it down to go answer. And, to my surprise, it was Prim and Annie.

"Are you coming?" Prim asked, practically bouncing up and down. She was in a pair of white shorts and a pale pink tank-top, hair tied back into a ponytail. Annie was in just about the same outfit but different colors of clothing.

Thankfully, I had changed into clothes designed for more laborious work in the sun, so when Prim asked, I nodded and stepped out.

It was a beautiful day out, as the previous ones have been. The afternoon sun beat its golden rays down on everything, casting warm shadows wherever we stepped. Almost automatically I was sweating, but nevertheless followed the girls back out to behind Katniss' house. And I was surprised yet again. Small orange ribbons formed a temporary fence around a 12x24 foot area behind the large victor house. There was a stack of thick wooden stakes ready to take the place of the ribbons.

Katniss was already there, standing in the fenced-off area holding a shovel, in a new outfit as well. She kept the top, but changed into a pair of much shorter trousers, exposing her legs, ending with soft-looking leather shoes. Along with the braid, her hair was held back by a grey bandana. She was working hard removing the top layer of dirt from the area, brows furrowed in concentration.

Everyone was already there; Caroline (who was mixing some powdery white stuff with black dirt), Ivy (who was playing with Buttercup off to the side) and Mother (who was helping Caroline). I guess I was the last one informed, but no big deal. I grabbed a shovel as Prim got to work pounding in the thick wood pieces on the perimeter of the future garden, being helped by Annie.

I walked over next to Katniss and just did what she was doing, forcing the blade of my shovel under the roots of the grass and prying it up with a strange crackling sound.

"It's really hot today," Katniss commented when nothing was said by me for a few minutes.

Nothing was said still.

We worked for a few hours, sweating under the hot sun, barely even speaking. I liked the distraction, and it was obvious Katniss did, too. It was long, hard work, and I was glad when Ms. Everdeen announced quitting time so there was time to shower before dinner. Annie slugged home, covered in sweat and panting. As she walked away, I wondered what Finnick and Jace were doing that entire time. He mentioned knocking down mailboxes…

"I don't know if…"

Caroline's voice made me turn to look over at her.

She was sitting cross-legged on the grass, covered in dirt and that powdery white stuff, sweating as well. Ivy was rolling around in the stray dirt in front of her, singing to herself and throwing bits of grass in the air.

"Stay for dinner, Caroline!" Ms. Everdeen insisted with a wave of her hand. "You two can use the shower at our place. We'll cook up a big dinner and have everyone come."

That didn't leave the other woman with much choice.

Sighing, Caroline stood up. "Thank you, Ruth."

Ruth? Eyebrows raising, I realized I've never known Katniss' mother's name before now. That's probably not very good since she's going to become my mother-in-law. A felt heat creep to my cheeks, but shoved the embarrassment down.

Katniss wiped her dirty hands on the front of her tank-top. Ivy had started walking towards her, with arms outstretched, and I watched with slight pleasure as Katniss swept the little girl up into her arms and gave her a tiny kiss on the cheek. What was this new Katniss Everdeen I hadn't known before now? It's like Ivy opened something in her, something that assured me that I had chosen the perfect m—

"Hey, Peeta, do you mind if I use your downstairs shower?" Katniss broke me out of my thoughts, casually poking my arm with the wooden end of her shovel. I looked at her. "The…used ones in my house will all be taken up."

"Oh," I shook my head briefly and smiled. "Of course."

She gave me the tiniest smile back, and I felt content.

After putting away all the gardening supplies, Caroline, Ivy, Primrose, and Ms. Everdeen headed over to their house, and Katniss followed me to mine. She kept silent as we walked the short 50 feet to my front door, and when we got there, I opened it for her. Things felt normal, for once, and it helped the awkwardness that Katniss knew where everything was. She headed over to the large bathroom on the first floor, adjacent to the master bedroom (which remained never used, oddly enough, because I'd taken a liking to one of the smaller ones upstairs).

"I'll put a towel on the doorknob," I told her offhandedly as she closed the door behind her, and I heard muffled thanks back.

While Katniss was in the shower, I wandered upstairs to the hallway that connected a few bedrooms, where one of the two closets in my house is. This one held a surprisingly enormous supply of linen; bed sheets, blankets, towels, kitchen clothes, washcloths, comforters…just about everything in that sort of area. I grabbed a towel that was this off-white color. Tucking it under my arm, I was just about to head back downstairs when a curious thought hit me. Perhaps…

Walking into my room, I set the towel down on my bed and went over to the wardrobe. Now that Katniss was no longer living with me, it was incredibly emptier than it had been before. Now only my few pairs of clothes and jackets that have been gathering dust sat crammed in no orderly way. But the day after Katniss had moved out, I had noticed she had forgotten a pair of her clothes. I wasn't sure if it was on purpose or what, but I was secretly glad I hadn't brought them to her in cases like this.

Scooping up the plain clothes and the towel, I continued back on my path down the wide stairs and through the hall and to the door of the master bathroom. The hiss of the shower very nearly drowned out the amusing intone of Katniss, oblivious to my presence outside the door. Grinning to myself, I carefully draped her things on the silver knob and went _back_ up the stairs to clean and change, too.

In the shower, I scrubbed all the dirt out of my fingernails, which had become black crescents. There were small stains of soil on my knees and elbows as well, along with throbbing blisters on my hands from wielding the shovel for over an hour. I washed all of that off and scoured the rest of myself to get off the layer of sweat that had accumulated. After that, I tugged on a pair of worn jeans and a sleeveless blue top. I didn't do anything to the wet mop of hair that was hanging into my eyes; the coolness of the remaining water feels good against the heat of the summer. It was a good thing Finnick and I had fixed up the air conditioner in their temporary house, because otherwise they just may turn into a pair of duck roasts by the end of the week.

Katniss was just getting out by the time I had stumbled downstairs (tripped on a shoelace). The bathroom door was open, and when I curiously went up to it and peeked in, she was rubbing her hair off with a towel while looking in the mirror. She caught me.

"Sorry," I said, giving her an embarrassed smile. Looking in on her in the bathroom again, shame on you…

Katniss shrugged, dropping the towel in a hamper next to the giant bathtub. "The steam was getting to me. I don't care if…you…" She trailed off with a blank look, then shrugged again and shook her head. The slightest pink flush appeared on her cheeks and she promptly picked up a comb and began straightening out the wet mop on her _own_ head.

It was hard not to snort with laughter. Katniss, never thinking before she spoke as usual. She could amuse me a lot sometimes. With a small smile on my face, I left the open bathroom door to go to the kitchen, where I got out the ingredients for pumpkin bread. I didn't often make the stuff, but maybe it'll be appreciated at dinner. White raisins, cinnamon, dehydrated milk… I hummed under my breath and I worked, mixing and greasing and tasting. I hadn't even noticed Katniss leaning on the wall behind me.

"What are you making?" She asked curiously, making me turn around in surprise. "It smells good."

I smiled a bit. "Pumpkin bread."

Katniss' eyebrows raised slightly. She wandered over to the counter next to me and watched through vacant eyes, leaning forwards on her elbows.

I worked with no words to her and none from her to me. It didn't take too long to bake the bread, and when it was done and hot (the raisins were melting), I covered the loaf with saran wrap and put it in a paper bag.

"We heading over now?" Katniss straightened up from her motionless lean and tilted her head at me slightly, wet hair falling into her face.

Man, I wish she knew how lovely she was right now. She never knew, though.

"Yeah," I smiled, and then held my arm out to her. "May I escort you?"

Katniss blinked at it once in surprise, but nevertheless took it, wrapping her hand around the crook of my elbow. Looking puzzled as we walked out, she laughed quietly and said, "It feels like we're going to some casual-Friday dinner party, with the bringing food and escorting…"

I just shrugged.

We walked back to Katniss' mother's house in silence after that, making it just before we could have been effected by the sun's unforgiving rays. The first thing I saw when we stepped in was Finnick sprawled on the couch. He was sitting up, one arm draped over the back of the sofa, the other protecting the two kids he had with him. I was actually quite shocked seeing Ivy sitting on Finnick's shins, arms wrapped around Jace, who was grabbing at her hair. They were both giggling. It was the sweetest sound I've ever heard.

"Knocking down mailboxes I see, Finnick." I chuckled, rolling my eyes at the so called-tough guy now playing with little children on his lap. "That _is_ a manly thing to do, you're right. Now that gardening is too feminine for you, you've taken up babysitting."

He looked at me, and then at Katniss. "The _ladies_ are making our dinner. And this little squirt isn't too bad." Finnick flicked Ivy fondly in the nose, and she laughed even harder, slapping him away with a chubby hand. "Parenting isn't as feminine and bad as one would think."

The topic automatically made me glanced over at Katniss, who had gotten this odd look on her face, as she always did when it was brought up. Her jaw was clenched, but eyes only betraying a small amount of worry.

"I'm sure it isn't." I said impassively, deciding to not stick around, knowing the topic of parenting makes Katniss uncomfortable. As I walked past her on my way to the kitchen, I touched her reassuringly on the arm. And, to my surprise, she followed me into the kitchen.

In there, we found Prim, Caroline and Ms. Everdeen bustling away at the stoves and chopping boards and the fridge. They were working in a flurry of long sleeves and hair and skirts, working as fast as my mother did back in the day before the bombing. Women are underestimated, and I knew that as a fact.

It was Prim who actually paused to notice me and Katniss standing in the doorway. She tucked a stray piece of hair—that had escaped its ponytail—and looked at us. "Hey guys. In here to help?"

"I just brought some bread." I gave her the paper sack and saw the look of longing in her eyes when she smelled the pumpkin bread inside it.

"Thank you," Prim said sincerely, quickly stowing it in the refrigerator. "It'll help. We're cooking up a feast here. My arms already hurt."

Through the clamor of metal and sizzles from the frying pan, the oven dinged and Caroline reached down to get it.

"Well, I'd better get back to work." Katniss' little sister gave us both a smile. "Dinner should be ready in half an hour if all goes well. You can wait in the living room with Finnick and the kids."

She sounded so grown-up, much different from the girl I remembered back when I first knew Katniss. I guess war would do that to someone. Both Katniss and I nodded to her and left at the same time, side-by-side.

I sat on the sofa across from Finnick's, and Katniss sat next to me wordlessly. It looked like Finnick's fun was over, because when Ivy saw us both sit down, she clambered out of his arms and ran straight into Katniss', crawling up onto her lap. Katniss' arms automatically went around her, and I saw her expression soften.

"I'm _so_ hungry, Caniss." Ivy divulged, lolling her head onto Katniss' shoulder.

"Me, too," Katniss went along with the little girl, hugging her comfortingly in her arms. "Don't worry. Prim and our mothers are making us food right now."

Ivy giggled. "Yay…" She grinned, but it was interrupted by a large yawn, and then closed her eyes (silence from her was rare, so I was surprised).

"Don't fall asleep, love, you'll miss dinner." Katniss' voice was soft, and I noted that she used the pet name I use on her. It was adorable and fitting, as was the image of the little girl sitting in her arms, about to fall asleep. I wanted to take a picture of it so badly, but I just sat there staring.

Finnick, who I had momentarily forgotten, snorted and shifted positions, scooping his boy up in his arms. "So," Mine and Katniss' gaze trailed over to him. "Are we going to be expecting a new addition to the family from you two anytime soon?"

Damn you, Finnick. Worriedly, I glanced at Katniss for her reaction. And answer, of course, because this isn't the sort of thing I could save her articulacy-wise.

She chewed on her lip, as she did every time she was unsure. And there was that familiar sad sparkle in her eyes, but I was glad to see it was smaller this time. Like she felt a little braver.

Katniss rubbed her forehead. "Expecting? No."

Silence.

Finnick looked puzzled, as if he knew that wasn't the full answer to his question.

"But hoping. Perhaps." A splash of red appeared on her cheeks and she shrank a little into the couch (no longer paying attention to Ivy who'd fallen asleep). "In the future. Wishing."

I didn't know whether or not to say something after that. I knew children were pretty much a forbidden topic between us—and _anyone_ in that fact. I just took a moment to breathe through my nose, and everything was normal again. Ivy woke up from her nap in time for dinner, and we sat around the giant table like one big family. Everyone was cracking up at Finnick's sexist jokes (I was only laughing at Katniss' reactions), people stuffed their faces, Ivy splattering food across the table for not getting enough attention, Jace making a huge fuss and him and Annie having to leave for a moment.

Katniss' mother and Caroline became excellent friends over that dinner, and it was amusing to watch. They jabbered like a couple of geese, and in the end, it was decided that Caroline was to be more involved in the wedding plan as if she was closely related to us. I didn't mind, of course. She was fun to have around, and Ivy made the mood quite a bit lighter than it was originally. And along with the decided including of the Sawyer family, we decided more of the wedding.

The girls and boys will be separated the night before, which would be this Saturday. Finnick and Jace will stay with me in my house (man sleepover…I wondered how Finnick feels about that), and then all of the five girls will stay in their house. Apparently I wasn't capable enough to dress myself in the suit I will buy Friday after Katniss goes to get her dress and picks up the bridesmaid dresses. There was a lot more said, complicated wedding stuff that the girls seemed to gush over. I didn't' understand a lot of it, so I furrowed my brows and nodded a lot as if I completely understood what was going on.

In the end, everyone left as they did every time we all got together. First it was Caroline with Ivy—who had fallen asleep. And then it was Annie who decided to take _her_ sleeping kid home, followed by Finnick, and then everyone else came to the conclusion of bedtime for the rest. Prim, who had gathered up her fluffy orange cat in her arms, asked if Katniss wanted to stay the night in her room.

"Sure," Katniss smiled at her little sister, but immediately, something crossed her face. Her eyes flicked up at me.

Prim analyzed her look, and then cleared her throat casually. "I'll be in the shower."

Their mother knew what that meant as well. She patted her daughter's cheek and gave me a brisk hug. "I will see you two tomorrow. Two o'clock is your appointment, Katniss, don't forget." Ms. Everdeen smiled kindly and left the kitchen as well, walking delicately as usual.

Katniss' face was slightly vacant, so I smiled a tiny bit and walked to the door, wondering if she'll follow. Of course, she did.

"Peeta," Her hand caught my upper arm as I opened the door. And, when I turned around, Katniss surprised me with a small kiss. "I'll see you tomorrow."

My smile grew. "I'll see you tomorrow as well."

And I walked out, feeling Katniss' light gaze upon my back as I did so.

**oOo**

_Sorry this took so long, but I am cramming more into chapters than usual because I'm condensing it into less chapters 'till the wedding. review!_


	52. Chapter 52

_With hope, the wedding will be chapter 55! _

_This chapter is dedicated to Forevermore909, so happy readings to you all!_

**oOo**

For the first time in a while, my sleep was unperturbed by any sort of dreams. My eyes peeled open and I found my face pressed into a pillow and drool caked in and out of my mouth. Smacking my lips in disgust, I lifted my head up off the covers. The curtains over Prim's large bedroom window were drawn slightly, but not much light was shining through.

I forced myself out of bed, careful not to disturb my little sister. Birds were calling from outside, quiet tunes that suggested most of them just woke up. Frowning, my fingers bunched around the hangings and they slid open. It was pink outside in the sleepy morning air. The sun was just barely visible through the trees, attempting to bathe the world with its warmth, but the world wasn't catching on that fast.

After staring out the window for a bit, I shrugged and went into the bathroom. Warm water cascaded down my face and bare back as I scrubbed off the night's wear with my normal pine-scented soap. I could feel the cold metal of my ring everywhere I scrubbed myself. Temporarily stopping my wash to look at it, I realized just how…amazing my situation is. I didn't know if that is the right word, but if I really stopped and thought about it… I hated Peeta at first. I only stayed with him to live, I crushed his heart after the first Games, made up with him shortly before the second, realized I really did need him _during_ the second, in which he also gave me the pearl. And after getting rescued by a supposedly nonexistent organization, we married once, annulled the marriage, had a kid which turned out to be an implant from the Capitol destined to determine the fate of Panem (that load of bullcrap was obviously just a lie when I realized Dr. Longarden was a spy), and shortly after, that same doctor supposedly killed that child and then I defeated Snow with a single arrow and Peeta proposed to me with the same pearl ring he gave to me in the Quell, even though I am _completely_ insane.

He must really love me, I decided while toweling off in front of the mirror. It nearly made me laugh.

I slipped on some clothes and went back into the bedroom. Buttercup was curled on Prim's stomach, the end of his tail flicking back and forth lazily as he purred. Crazy cat…

With a sigh, I glanced over at the small clock on the nightstand. It was 7:32 in the morning. The perfect time to start our day. Maybe if Prim slept a little longer I could fix her and Mother breakfast. That seemed like a passable idea, so I went into the kitchen and proceeded to fix breakfast. It wasn't oversized for more than just me, my little sister and my mother. Anne and Finnick were taking Jace into town to pick up some more diapers and such, as they didn't know exactly how long they were planning on staying here in 12. Peeta, I knew, was at the bakery already since it was just barely eight o'clock. I knew I was on my own today. It was the day I go to district 13 again for my checkup with Dr. Aurelis. Ugh.

As I stirred the sweetened porridge, I tried not to be huffy about going. They were just trying to help… And I knew I wasn't perfectly sane, that much was obvious. Though I've only seen him when he was sitting in the corner of my recovery room in D13 after I blew up myself, I had a fairly good idea what he was like. He didn't pressure me to speak, but kept it as an open option. He stayed in my room, observing me, for three hours a day, but most of those three hours was spent with his head lolled on his shoulder, napping. I didn't know whether or not I enjoyed his company. I didn't enjoy anyone's company then, but it was insanely lonely. Maybe he wasn't all that bad, but I didn't feel like taking chances.

The porridge was ready and I poured milk into a few glasses, and everything was set out on the table. I wandered back out off the kitchen, mouth watering, to wake up Primrose and Mother. Up the stairs I went and to the room so near mine, to where my sister was still mumbling to herself in her sleep. I gently sat next to her bed and shook her.

"Come on, Primrose. Breakfast is ready."

She peeled her eyes open and sat up, sighing tiredly. Buttercup was forced to jump off her stomach and land in an aggravated heap of fur on the floor. He shook his head furiously before padding out of the room.

"Mkay…" Prim yawned and got up to change clothes in the bathroom.

I didn't wait for her to come back out. My nose and watering mouth wanted to lead me back to the food, but Mother needed to be alerted that breakfast was ready.

Her room was the master bedroom on the bottom floor, adjacent to the largest bathroom in our entire house. I found Mother curled awkwardly on top of her bedcovers, circles a dark shade of blue under her closed eyes. Gently and unsurely, I walked over and sat down on the side of the bed as I did with Prim.

"Mother," I said quietly, hand on her shoulder, wondering if I should be waking her at all. "Mother, I made breakfast. Come join me and Prim."

She made a tired moaning noise and exhaled deeply. "Alright. I'm getting up." Mother groaned and sat up stiffly, bones popping as she did so. I could tell she's lost a bit of weight and her face sagged a bit more, but the smile lines were still there.

I smiled and gave her a brief, encouraging hug, not asking why she looked so used up.

A few minutes later we were sitting down, tucking into the morning meal I had fixed. Primrose had changed into a clean, white dress that had embroidered pink flowers near the waist line. Her hair was still wet from a shower and hung down in her face, curling slightly. She looked older now, and it was strange seeing my little sister grow up so much before my very own eyes.

"So, what's the plan for today?" I asked a couple minutes into breakfast.

Mother swallowed and set down her fork, folding her hands. "Well, things are going to be like a normal day up until right after lunch. We are supposed to be at the train station by twelve-thirty, and that should get us to District 13 in less than an hour and a half."

I nodded, listening as I took another bite of my porridge.

"At two is your appointment, but we don't know how long that'll last." My mother took a small swallow of her milk and smacked her lips in thought. "I'm assuming we'll be able to be home for dinner."

This all seemed pretty simple, and my face puckered a little in only slight curiosity. "'We' meaning just us three, right?"

Her eyebrows raised, almost as if she was surprised I had asked that. Mother shrugged. "Peeta can come if you want."

"No, no, it's fine." I shook my head and shrugged, turning back to my food. "He's working today."

"Oh."

There was a long pause.

My bowl was scraped clean and all the milk was finished off in my stomach, so I just leaned back and tried not to be worried about the day ahead of me. Nothing was going to go wrong, there's nothing wrong with therapy. It wasn't even _therapy_, really. Just a…check-up. Yeah.

Mother cleared her throat. "Oh, I told Prim but I forgot to tell you, Katniss,"

I glanced up.

"I got the rest of the week off until your wedding," She beamed, proud of her release. "So does Prim."

"That's great!" I smiled. "Now we have more time to plan. We've got to cram if the wedding is this soon."

Prim nodded. "The rest of the week is jam-packed. We're going to be gone all day today, so that leaves tomorrow and the day after to get the rest of the errands done."

"Tomorrow we're getting Katniss' dress and picking up the bridesmaid dresses." Mother rubbed her chin. "I think that's when Peeta's getting his tux as well, but let's hope those boys decide to go before or after _we_ go."

My little sister giggled and shook her head in amusement. "It's bad luck to see a bride in her dress before the wedding."

I knew that. It was probably okay to see the groom in _his_ suit before, though…

Prim knew what I was thinking. "And no, Katniss, you can't see Peeta's until then, either. It isn't fair."

It was hard, but I resisted sticking my tongue out at her.

The wedding…… It's coming up so fast. _Really_ fast. Like, in three days kind of fast. Then I'm going to be married to Peeta, _finally_, and we might be able to have a kid and— My mouth hung open a little as I frowned in surprise. Will we? Do I _want_ to? The wedding night we'll… Do we? Is that too fast? What if I'm not able to after all? That would be awful…

"Oh, stop looking so dreadful, Katniss." The voice of Primrose was amused as she spoke, rolling her eyes.

_She_ didn't have to worry about her ability to have children. She's probably so fertile that she'll be cursed with fifteen children before her twenty-fifth birthday. Twenty-five is an okay age to date, our mother used to say. And I'm getting _married_ at age 18. Attempting to have a _child_ at age 18. Is that fast? If I appear at Mother's doorstep in nine months with a squirming baby with blond hair, would she be angry at me for going so fast? Before, it was understandable because people died so young. But I didn't know… I worried so much. What I needed was Peeta's optimism to cheer me up and put a headful of "maybe"s and "probably"s and perhaps even lies in my tortured noggin. "Of course you're able to have children." "Of course you're beautiful, I'll never regret marrying you." "Everything will be okay, Katniss."

Screw Peeta and his kindness…

"I think," I wiped my mouth off on a napkin and stood up. "I think I'm going to work in the garden for a bit."

"Have fun, dear." Mother took all of our dishes and put them in the sink. "Make sure you're back here by 11:00."

I will be.

With a smile to Mother (who was starting to scrub off the dishes) and a hug to Primrose, I went around to the back of the house to work.

It was tedious, all the tiny plants and seeds that needed to be sorted and the dirt to arrange and the tiny white sticks to be marked. There was also a temporary, makeshift greenhouse next to the actual garden, for storing the plants that need more protection than just sitting in the dirt in our backyard.

I got myself nice and filthy by the time 10:00 hit. My fingernails were disgusting black crescents of soil, and the knees of my trousers were stained black from kneeling. I had potted a total of twenty baby plants, planted two rows (25 seeds in each row) of celery and lettuce each, as well as finished the stakes around the garden perimeter. Sweating and looking forwards to a really long, cool shower, I trudged back into my house and threw myself into the master bathroom, in which the shower was twice as big as the one in my room.

I cleaned myself off and got dressed in the second pair of clothes I've worn today. Since I had worn a hair cap, I didn't have to bother with wet hair. That was a bonus. On my way back out the house, I peeked into the kitchen. It was empty, as was the living room. I wondered what Mother and Prim were up to now that today was their day off…

It was a peaceful walked into town. It buzzed quietly of the people who were running errands, stopping by to say hello to friends, tugging children back home from an unsuccessful day. I got a pointed number of stares as I walked by, and some even turned to whisper to their friends about me. Though I wasn't sure about what, I found out exactly when I stepped inside the bakery.

"…and _everybody's_ talking about it! Some people treat me different just because I know the groom, but I just smile. They're making a huge deal out of this, the open cerem…o…ny…" Benjamin Erik trailed off, eyes flitting over to me. He was leaning against the display counter talking to the new girl—Anna-Mae. She looked a little nervous and overtaken with Benj's eccentric personality.

She turned to look at me as well when the small bell above the door jingled. But of course, it wasn't her who spoke first.

"_Miss_ Everdeen," Benj, who had apparently gotten over being crushed by Peeta, swept into an exaggerating, perhaps sarcastic bow. He looked back up and winked. "We were _just_ talking about you."

I blinked, making a confused face. "Hello to you, too. What about?"

He cast his eyes up to the ceiling, grinning, and sauntered around the room as if it were some big, life-changing secret. "Just…your wedding."

Heat welled up in my cheeks automatically for no exact reason.

"Peeta accidentally let leak what you two have planned for the big day, and now it's spread across nearly the whole town." Benj leaned heavily against the display counter again, narrowing his eyes at me. "Quite a pair you two make."

Anna-Mae, who hadn't spoken as far as I'd heard, managed to sneak off as quiet and unnoticed as a mouse into the kitchen.

"Though," The other baker rubbed his chin, where a bit of stubble was gathering. "I'd have to say, Peeta's one lucky guy. You've got just about every other girl in Panem _beat_, Katniss Everdeen." His eyes twinkled, and I nearly squeaked when Peeta appeared at the kitchen door, arms crossed, face unamused. Benj didn't notice him. "With your dark hair and tiny body. It's a shame you're mister high-and-mighty's girl or I might be going after you with chains and a whip myself!" Benj let out a bellow of laughter. Peeta walked forwards (feet actually being silent for once in his life) until he was just barely touching Benj's shoulder. He continued to take no notice. "Hell, I'd come after you anyways. A wedding seals the deal, but if I can get to Peeta before you can, things…can…..turn..."

Benj's eyes had gone wide and his mouth in one rigid line, eyebrows creased tragically. I knew by the look on his face and how he was leaning ever so slightly away from the man behind him, he knew Peeta was there.

Cringing, Benj shuffled backwards towards the kitchen door, and said in a really quiet, defeat whisper, "I'll go get those dishes washed for you, Peeta." And he zipped so fast into the kitchen I barely saw, leaving behind the lingering aura of complete mortification and inferiority.

There was a long silence.

Peeta, who looked disgusted (and…ashamed?), rubbed his forehead and groaned.

I wanted to burst out into odd laughter, eyes streaming and diaphragm aching. In fact, I had to purse my mouth into a hard line to keep from smiling. But of course, he noticed.

"Well, at least _one_ of us is amused…" Peeta grumbled. "I am going to _murder_ him."

"Don't, Peeta." I finally let my face crack into a small grin. "I'm only amused at your reaction. Benj's…flirtatious attitude couldn't make me more awkward, but you butting in and being jealous and territorial makes me want to laugh."

He made a face, which could pass for an upset pout if you looked hard enough. "Who says I'm being territorial and jealous?"

I wanted to turn around and snort, but I attempted to keep my poker face on. "Obviously, you. The way you act. As if only you can touch me, and anyone else who so much as thinks about it gets a good beating."

Peeta's eyebrows twisted into one, worried line. "…I am, though, right?"

Along with laughing my butt off, I also wanted to point out how incredibly insecure he was. But instead, I just rolled my eyes and nodded my head. "Of course."

He looked relieved, though not entirely convinced. "Oh. Ok. Well…aside from that, how are you?"

My shoulders lifted and fell in a shrug. "Fine, I guess. I'm a little nervous about my appointment…" I bit my lip, feeling my cheeks heat up as I shuffled my feet. Perhaps I wouldn't have normally admitted my anxiety, but I think I really needed some comfort right then. My stomach was twisting with butterflies and my hands were clammy.

Peeta blinked once, eyebrows creased worriedly at me, and he tentatively held out his hand. I put mine in his and felt the soft, comforting squeeze warm me from the inside out.

"It'll be okay," He reassured me. "It's easier than it seems."

I snorted, scowling at the floor. "As if you've ever married and tried to have a baby before… _As a girl_."

That earned me an eye roll form Peeta. "I don't need to be a girl to know you're overreacting. Plus, you've always been the kind to grin and bear it, you know?" He had a thoughtful face on. "You have this insane ability to tough things out, to _survive_. I know it's not exactly ever been…simple with us, but at least it's been easy."

Those are the same things, bub.

"Easy?" I made a face.

"Sure." He grinned. "Maybe at times we disagreed, but deep down we never really wondered if we were actually _meant_ to be together."

"…I never believed in fate…"

"Exactly. And if it _did_ exist and didn't want us to be together, it would have pulled us apart long ago."

There was a pause between us. I knew that I was overreacting. But I also knew that I was just eighteen years old.

Swallowing hard, I turned my head away from him, dropping my hands from him. "Maybe…maybe we're taking this too fast."

There was stillness from Peeta's direction and I snuck a glance up at him. And, to my surprise, his face was completely wiped clean, emotionless. His eyes stared blankly off in the distance.

"Too fast…" he murmured.

I knew at once I said the wrong thing. Crap. Feeling guilty and embarrassed, I grabbed onto his wrist, sneaking my fingers into his hand. "Or-or not, Peeta. I'm just…" A said sigh gurgled from my throat. "…I'm just worried that I'll screw this up as well."

There was yet another silence, but this time it belonged to Peeta and his taken aback look. A grin suddenly cracked across his face and pulled me into a very tight neck-hug. "I was worried _I'll_ screw it up."

A bit of relief painted my throat, making me laugh. "You could never."

Outside, I could see a person in front of the bakery door, looking right at us hesitantly. His hand twitched towards the doorknob, but he thought better of it and skittered away.

"Never mind who'll screw it up, Peeta." I pulled away, resisting the urge to rub my neck. "I have to get back and cram lunch before we have to get to the train station."

He frowned, mildly upset. "If I didn't have to babysit Benj, I'd go with you."

A quiet, muffled 'I heard that' came from the kitchen. It was hard not to laugh.

"I feel awful." Peeta ignored Benj's eavesdropping and put his forehead on the top of my hair.

"Don't," I shook my head, taking a step back. "It'll be boring."

He didn't look convinced.

"I'll see you this afternoon." I spared a small, nervous smile and began backing up towards the door. But I wasn't able to go any further because Peeta had reached over and took my upper arm. My brows relaxed as he bent down and pressed his lips to the corner of my own. Ah, to hell with it. I brought my hand around his neck to give him a proper (though short) one.

Peeta laughed in surprise and pulled away. "Have fun."

"You, too." Feeling my cheeks heat up with either joy or embarrassment, I left him standing there in the bakery.

I made it home in good timing. It turned exactly eleven o'clock when I sat down at the table. Mother and Prim were already in the kitchen with me; Prim sitting across the table and Mother making sandwiches.

Prim took a sip of her orange juice, which Mother poured both of us some glasses. "How is Benj?" she asked.

I had told her about him getting a job at Peeta's, and having to use a cane for his crushed foot. I made a face, contemplating. "…His foot's okay, if that's what you mean. His attitude, though, nearly has Peeta wringing his neck."

My sister grinned, rolling her sky-blue eyes. "That's why I got assigned to him. None of the other nurses wanted to deal with him. But he seemed to behave well enough around me. Why does Peeta want to wring his neck?"

Mother set our food in front of us, wrapped in paper towels.

It was hard not to laugh at the thought of Benj and Peeta's ever-waging war. I shouldn't find it funny, but it honestly was. "Peeta's jealous because Benj has…a thing for me. Every time Peeta's out back in the kitchen he finds it humorous to flirt with me until his pride gets grinded down and he runs away with his tail in between his legs."

Prim burst out in laughter, which sounded like pealing bells.

"Quiet down your talking and eat your food," Mother scolded lightly. "We have to leave in half an hour."

Both my sister and I were grinning down at the table as we munched on our sandwiches.

At roughly 11:45, Prim and I tossed on our coats (because Mother made us, even though it was still horribly hot out) and we headed out. The walk across town to the train station was a little over half an hour long, but I didn't mind it. Though just about every single person we passed stared at me with wide eyes, it would have been a lot worse if a hovercraft came to pick me up. Just for a therapy session (I don't even know if that's what it is, though).

At one point about a mile from the station, this girl and her father came up to me. They were both from the Seam, obviously, and as thin as rails.

"Is it true?" The father said in a husky, quiet voice. "Is it true that you and Mr. Mellark are inviting the entire town to your wedding?"

I made a face. That was stretching the truth a bit, but I wasn't quite sure how to word it exactly. So I just nodded. "Yes, sir. Sunday at Eleven."

"At the Village." he whispered, and then took a little step back with a scared face on, as if the mentioning of the Victor's Village was forbidden.

We didn't have time to stay and chat. We were hurried along by our deadline, and made it to the train station just in time for the doors to shut. And, of course, people recognized me there. It was a pain, being stared at all the time. No one tried to talk to me this time, though.

The ride to District 13 was rather boring, in my opinion. Dense forest changed into desolate desert. I knew that they built railroad tracks as soon as Snow's downfall was secured, which was good. They went straight underground to the station about ten feet under the surface. The entire train lurched when we went under, and I swallowed hard.

The conductor at the front of the train waved people forwards, keeping them in line and scanning tickets. When he got to Mother, Prim and me, he took our tickets and then did a double take at me. He stared for a split-second and then glanced over at Mother and Prim. There was an awkward pause.

He cleared his throat, scanned our tickets, and tipped his hat at me. "Miss Everdeen."

I was hit with extreme déjà-vu on my way walking in the cold metal hallway into District 13. It smelled like a prison to me, sterile but barren. I remember walking down these exact same halls with a numbing drug coursing through my veins, meant to slow my muscles just in case I wanted to run. My hair was a disgusting burnt mess, I had been sore from the inside out (literally), and the will to live had been drained from me. The smell as we walked through the metal corridor nearly made me shrink against the wall in terror, trembling.

Prim knew what I was feeling. She took hold of my hand and led me through, keeping us on the right path. It helped and I welcomed her reassurance, even though I knew my way. Too much, in fact.

I had spent many days and weeks in the hospital here. I remember the day I woke up after getting stabbed in the shoulder, getting whisked off when something went wrong with my already-wrong pregnancy, staying a month in there before and after the head surgery that I needed because of my acute stress reaction, or something. The worst months of my life were spent in here. And I was walking right back in, straight back into the disgusting silver hospital I wanted so bad never to see again.

Mother and Prim kept a good, tight hold on me as we made our way through the halls, labeled different things. "Radiology", "Day Surgery", "Women's Ward", "Cardiovascular Examinations", "Laboratories", all the way until we got the ominous hanging sign labeled, "Psychological Health Evaluations". I dug my feet into the cold tile floor, sucking in a breath.

"Come on, Katniss," Mother said not unkindly, gently trying to tug me into the hall by my hand. "It'll be over soon, dear, come on."

I shook my head and began to tremble. I've been here before. Too many bad memories were attached to this hospital. I needed to get out…

Prim pulled me without as much gentleness as our mother. "It isn't much an argument if you behave like this in on your way to the therapist."

I scowled at her, buts she had a point. I wanted to get out and never come back, but in order to do that I had to be sane. Sane. I'm sane, and I'm probably able to convince Dr. Aurelis as much. Sighing, I bit my lip and let them drag me the rest of the way.

My doctor's office was the third from the left right after you passed the bathrooms. I really didn't want to go, but I was practically _tossed _by Mother and Prim, the door shutting behind them. Shifting my eyes nervously, I examined the room before me. It was large-ish, with a desk in the corner and a comfortable-looking couch on the end. Nice pictures hung on the wall and the whole thing was dimly lit by a couple lamps hanging around.

Dr. Aurelis was sitting behind the desk, examining some papers. He didn't pay any attention to the three people who had burst into his office without knocking, for the first few seconds. I didn't even bother watching his expression fluctuate as he read whatever was on those papers; the last time I'd seen him was when he was explaining the drill right before I left to go back to District 12. He had said "if you need anything, you know where I am".

My eyes narrowed.

The paper was shoved aside by Dr. Aurelis and he laced his fingers under his chin, examining me. "It's a pleasure to see you again, Miss Everdeen."

I didn't say anything, just held his gaze with my own steadiness.

There was another moment he paused, until afterwards the doctor stood. He turned to Mother and Prim. "If you two would mind giving us a moment,"

They nodded and frantically skittered out of the room without so much as a "good luck" to me.

I kept my gaze steady on him, _still_ not speaking.

"So," Dr. Aurelis ignored my hostility as he rummaged around in a cabinet above his chair. "How have you been lately, Katniss?"

"Fine."

"Have you been more active?" He pulled a tangle of wires out, attempting to sort them out. "Working on distractions and doing things you love to help you out?"

I just stayed silent, because I haven't really. I've just been with Peeta and my family, occasionally going to town.

The doctor didn't seem too miffed by me not answering. Instead, he turned to me and offered up a sticky little circle stuck to a wire. And he explained. "This wire, Miss Everdeen, hooks up and evaluates your brain activity. It won't hurt, and I'm just going to ask you a couple questions."

That never works out, asking a couple questions, but I didn't argue. When he instructed me to lay down, I did just that and made myself comfortable. It was a very nice couch, I gave him credit for that.

There was a tiny monitor on his desk, which he kept an eye on as he asked me questions. And it went just like that for a while. He asked questions, and I answered truthfully. The monitor kept up a steady humming for an hour as we talked, until he finally switched it off and took the sticky circles off my forehead.

"The worst part is over, Katniss." Dr. Aurelis sad to me with a smile, putting away everything back in the cabinet. "Now I am going to ask you a few more questions that require more thought, and this is really what helps me determine how you are."

So the monitor and little sticky wires were just for show? Ugh. I gritted my teeth and nodded at him, settling back on the couch.

"Now," My doctor pulled out a notepad. "The drugs we had you on and your…condition when we last departed could have placed some side-effects on you. So tell me, have you had any suicidal thoughts lately?"

Be honest, Katniss…Honest, honest…

I sucked in a breath, not daring to look at him. "Not lately."

"But you have had some?"

"It was two months ago." I spat bitterly, still not looking. "After being in quarantine. None after that, though."

"Okay," Dr. Aurelis nodded. "What brought that on, pray tell?"

I didn't like telling my "secrets" to a perfect stranger, but all I wanted to do was get back home. "The only people I'd seen in months were Mother, Primrose and Haymitch. I was feeling…abandoned."

"By Mr. Mellark, yes…" He jotted something down, eyebrows creasing.

I scowled, pursing my lips until they felt numb.

"But that's over now, right? You're no longer feeling abandoned?"

"Peeta's back, if that's what you mean." I said quietly, still through gritted teeth.

"Yes, yes… Excellent."

I decided I no longer liked anyone who said that word to me, 'excellent'.

"And how about your eating habits?"

"Fine."

"Nightmares?"

I was silent for a minute. "…Not many."

And it went on like that for another half-hour. Him asking personal questions, me only answering the few I felt like answering. He didn't ask any about my health, but more like "are you lonely?" and "is Mr. Mellark treating you well?". They were questions I didn't enjoy answering, but told mostly the truth, just to get out as soon as possible. And finally, it was 3:45, he scratched his head and leaned forwards.

"Last question, Katniss, and you may leave."

_It's about time…_

I nodded, crossing my arms.

"Are you happy?"

Three simple words. I could have answered right away with what seemed like the easiest response, but it caught me off guard, making me pause. Happy… I have a mother and sister who love me, I have a man who may love me even more, I have an upcoming wedding to look forward to, I have new friends (if Caroline and Ivy count, and they most certainly do). I may be troubled at times, but I knew that I wasn't unhappy.

I took a deep breath, and answered truthfully: "Yes. Yes, I am."

The doctor leaned backwards and stored his notebook in the pocket of his jacket, looking pleased. "Thank you, Katniss. That was most enlightening. Now, I can suggest thing to you that may help whatever small things that are obviously stressing you out in life,"

I blinked at him.

He held up a finger. "Do something you did before. If it was eating a certain kind of soup before you go to bed every night, that works. Or maybe you volunteered at the orphanage weeknights. Or you took friends out to have a drink every Saturday. Whatever it is, get a routine going, something you can connect to and latch on to have some hold on life. Something to keep yourself steady just in case anything _does_ go wrong again. Do you have something like that to hold on to?"

I felt kind of stupid, sitting there thinking. Because I did know. It wasn't eating soup before bed or having a drink with friends every Saturday or visiting orphanages (we don't even have one of those in District 12). I sighed, rubbing my forehead. "I hunted, obviously." He should know that. Everyone else did.

"Then go hunting."

"I don't go anymore," I spat bitterly, sitting up. "I haven't in a year."

"Be that as it may, Miss Katniss," The doctor put his hand gently on my shoulders and didn't mind when I shrugged it off, "It'll help. Who knows? It just might be what you've been looking for all along. You may go now."

It was hard not to laugh out loud with relief and barrel from the room, throwing myself at the opposite wall. Instead, I stood up, thanked him, and walked out in what I hoped seemed semi-normal.

Mother and Prim were waiting out in the hallway for me, sitting in chairs conveniently provided. When I walked out, they immediately stood up and came over to me, but their attention was driven to Dr. Aurelis, who walked out with me. Prim caught my eye and shook her head, taking my hand and guiding me away from Mother and the doctor, who were talking quietly.

"Let's go." My little sister said quietly. "We'll take the long way out of the hospital and meet Mother at the entrance near the cafeteria."

I knew where she meant, so I nodded.

We walked, and I let my eyes follow some rooms as we passed. Down that hallway was my ward that I had to stay for a month in. Ugh. And right there was where I woke up from my first surgery. And right there w— I froze, staring into an empty room.

"Katniss?" Prim glanced at me uncertainly, and then into the room.

_What was so familiar about in here?_ I wondered, biting my lip. Something, though. IT was an average hospital room, equipped with all the tubes and bottles hanging room shelves and the strange instruments on rollers on the ceiling. Above the clean white bed was a large screen that said "DISCONNECTED" in big, white letters. Yet another déjà-vu passed through my head and I saw that screen again, but this time it was on. And the line was flat, a continuous beep.

"Let's just go, Katniss." Prim tried to tug me away, and succeeded, but only because my knees had gone numb. I didn't have the muscle to resist.

That was Gale's room. After his wrists got slit by Cinna, he was found, half-dead and brought to that room. And it was that room I held his hand and watched him die, the heart monitor go blank, and his mouth fall slack with the effort of saying my name one last time. I breathed through my nose. _He's in a better place,_ I told myself. He's free of the pain he suffered while alive. Yes. Free.

Primrose seemed worried I'd flip out on her; the pace at which we were walking was hurried up, and we got to the hospital entrance quite a bit faster than I'd expected. There was a bench right outside the door, and we sat.

"Are you…" Prim said cautiously after waiting a few minutes. "…Are you going to…cry or something, Katniss?"

I didn't say anything, just stared off in the distance.

"You miss him, I know." She put her hand around mine again and leaned her head on my shoulder, letting her sweet-smelling golden hair mingle with my own, darker braids.

"I do…" I felt myself saying, though no tears came. Or wanted to come. "I do miss him, but I find it easier to know he's in a better place."

"That's great, Katniss!" Prim beamed, cheered up immediately. And then a blush passed her cheeks. "I-I mean… It's great that you've finally let go of him. He _is_ in a better place, but you still have the right to miss him. But everything's…everything's going to be okay. You've accepted his death and that's good."

Sometimes my little sister talked too much. Way too much. I ignored her, staring off into the familiar hallways with disdain, even though my face was as blank as ever.

Mother came some few minutes later with the good news that I didn't need to be seen any more. I was perfectly healthy, including my brain. They squealed and hugged me, displaying a great amount more enthusiasm than I do, as usual, but I hugged them back at least. _We can get out now_. Yes…

The next train back home left at 4:15, so we waiting back in the underground station until that time came. When it did, we boarded and I actually smiled to the conductor as he guided us to our seats. The ride home was much faster than the ride here, and before I knew it, I was opening my eyes to the train station back in District 12.

Primrose held one of my hands, Mother held the other, and we walked back across the town. Though we got the same amount of stares, no one tried to talk to us then either. Some smiled, some shrank back as if I had some sort of contagious something-or-other, some waved as if they've known me for years. I only waved back to one, which was Lucia, who was out mingling around the opening of Stalinbrooke Drive. There was the occasional carriage heading towards the richer part of District 12, but there was no reason to stop as we made our way to the bakery.

Mother and Prim let go of my hands and we parted ways, but not without more hugging. I let them strangle me for a moment before they hugged each other and walked back off to the Victor's Village. Too much hugging…

Shaking my head, I pushed open the bakery door and heard the tinkling bell.

Immediately, the bakery smells overwhelmed me, as they did every time I came in here. Anna-Mae was behind the counter, engrossed in a book. I could just barely see the top of her head as the small woman bent down over the pages of her story.

I cleared my throat, and she looked up. "Is Peeta around?"

She nodded, and pointed to the kitchen.

Thanking her, I went cautiously over to the back door and knocked before pushing it open.

The first thing I saw was Benj. He was busy mopping the floor, back hunched in defeat, rubber gloved already dirty. He turned around briskly at the sound of the kitchen door opening, and upon seeing me there, he swallowed and shrank down a little.

"Peeta's out back unloading flour," He said hastily. "You can go see him."

My mood was once again lightened by Benj's attitude. It wanted to laugh once again, but all I said was, "You act as if he beats you."

Benj rolled his eyes. "No one messes with _his_ girl… Dishes duty for a week."

He sounded like a small boy getting caught stealing candy from a child, complaining of extra chores. I didn't respond to him as I went over to the mostly-hidden back door, opening it to the alleyway behind the bakery. Out there, a rarely-seen delivery truck was parked. The back of it was open, a wide metal ramp leading up the two feet to the supplies inside. Peeta was standing on that ramp in his usual apron, slinging a huge sack of flour over one shoulder, and then another sack over his left. I could see the muscles in his arms rippling with the effort, and the clearly defined chest muscles that I caught myself staring open-mouthedly at. He was…_really_ buff.

I skittered out of the way as he walked by, brows scrunched and teeth gritted with the exertion. It was obvious he didn't notice me as he went back in. For a second the door began closing behind him, but he was back swinging it open before it clicked. For a moment he began to stride back towards the truck, but then his eyes swept over me and he started, eyebrows shooting upwards.

"Katniss!" He blinked several times and shook his head, as if clearing water out of it. "I didn't see you there." Peeta came over to me, wiping his hands off on the front of his apron. "How was your appointment?"

I paused, wanted to collapse on a fluffy sofa with him and take a nap. "Tedious. But fine."

For a second Peeta paused as well, as if waiting for me to say something else. But when it was clear I wouldn't, he cleared his throat. "Well, did he have any advice for you? Do you need to see him again anytime soon?"

"Never again, thankfully." I allowed myself a smile and a relieved sigh. "He just told me to see him if I ever need to talk, and to go hunting again."

One of his eyebrows arched at me. "He specifically told you to go hunting again?"

I hesitated, leaning against the back wall of the bakery. "…Pretty much."

"And are you?"

Another moment of silence. Peeta, who was watching me, absentmindedly reached over and brushed his hand on the dumpster lid, squishing a spider under his finger.

"Yeah, I think I will." I detached myself from the wall and went over to him. "I was thinking right now, actually."

"Oh." He blinked in surprise, and then put his hands on either side of my neck, tips of his fingers brushing my jaw. "Be safe, will you? Come back smiling."

"And in one piece. I know, I know." I rolled my eyes, but couldn't help but smile at how protective he was. "I will. I promise."

Peeta sighed, shaking his head, and pulled me towards him briefly so he could give me a kiss on the forehead and tuck a stray lock of hair behind my ear. Come back before nightfall so I don't have to come looking for you."

He knew that I could take care of myself overnight in the woods, but I just snorted and stuck my tongue out at him, beginning to turn around. "Yes, _Mother_."

"And eat your vegetables. Wash your hands before every meal. Say your prayers!" He yelled as the back door slammed shut after me.

I went back home after that, and the routine to get ready for hunting was welcome and only a bit strange after so many years. I filled a water bottle and tucked it into my belt, re-braided my hair and put it up in my worn leather cap we'd managed to save in the bombing. A knapsack was wrapped around my waist.

When I told Mother and Prim what was up, they looked surprised, but never the less wished me luck. And with that, I left through the door and jogged over to the fence line surrounding District 12.

There was no more listening for the electricity and dodging under barbed-wire fence without being caught by Peacekeepers. I strode right up to it, opened the nice wooden gate, and strolled right into the forest.

It was dark in the five-o'clock sunlight that failed to leak all the way onto the forest floor. Birds and crickets chirped across to each other, reverberating it along the scattered leaves that danced in the breeze. Squirrels scrambled up rough tree bark and chattered with annoyance as I walked past. It took a few tries to remember exactly how to stalk silently as I did before. And it was the exact moment I reached the familiar empty stump and held my old bow in my hand I felt like things were back to normal.

I wiped off the dust and the tiny bit of mildew that had gathered on the shiny wood of my long bow, running my fingers on the crevices where I hold it. I strung it up and slung my old quiver over my back, hearing the arrows rattle with the wildness I felt inside of me. It still fit inside my palm as it did a year ago.

_Man_, I'd missed this. Tiptoeing through the woods, bow in hand with one arrow nocked on it, ready to be pulled back. My feet made no noise on the forest as I walked on, watching the squirrels that were too fast to shoot. And finally, I saw my chance. There was a dip in the ground, and a teensy hill on the other side of the dip. Nestled between a baby pine tree and the scratchy trunk of a quaking aspen, sat a rabbit. It was fat, ugly, and had its back to me, munching on the strawberries that Gale and I had tried to keep away from those stupid creatures a few years ago.

With my left hand, I touched my thumb and forefinger together around my bow, relaxing the other fingers. I drew back the nock of the arrow to the corner of my mouth and felt the sharp points of my shoulder blades touch. _Breathe…_ The point of the arrow resting on the rabbit's rump and I relaxed my right fingers. With a small nip, the string flew from my hand, sending the arrow splitting the air with a near-silent humming noise.

The rabbit knew what was happening a second before it happened. The arrow flew right into it behind the left shoulder blade and straight through its chest. Though it wasn't my usual clean shot through the eye, it fell, dead.

I released the breath I'd been holding and jogged over to the beast. I still had it, even after a year of not shooting.

My kill was laying there in the grass, a piece of strawberry still singling from its mouth, where a dribble of blood had started falling out. I wiped off the berry and stuff the rabbit into my knapsack.

Not far from here there was a stream, where the animals would come for a drink and the fish would pool stupidly. I made my way there, strapping the bow once against over my shoulder. I had to admit, this was the freest I've felt in quite some time. No distractions, no (immediate) threats… I felt like skipping around singing, powdering the sky with dandelion pollen like people did in the movies.

I stayed silent. No skipping or singing.

The stream was there as promised. Silver bubbles rose to the top and floated around before bursting, talking in its gurgling way. Light danced across the ripples and almost all other sounds were drowned out by the babble. Taking the load off of my back—the bow, the quiver, and the sack with my kill in it—I threw it all down on a small hill of moss and lay down as well, swigging the water I'd brought.

Birds around me chirped merrily, hopping on their branches, peering down at the strange girl invading their home. They rustled their feathers and shook their heads, squawking at me. And with the birds singing (or cussing me out in their little birdy language) and the crickets calling and the stream gurgling, I closed my eyes and rolled over on my side…

"Ow…" I grumbled, feeling something painful jab into my ribs. Cursing silently, I sat back up, running my hand on the ground underneath me, looking for the abomination that had befouled my peace. They felt a rod of some sort, cold metal with one end sharpened to a painful point. "What the…?"

Biting my lip, I tugged at it. And with a groan and snapping of moss roots, out of the ground came an arrow. It was covered in dirt and moss and roots, dulled slightly at the tip with two of its feathers missing. But it was still an arrow, obviously. I stared, rolling it around in my fingers. What got me, though, was the nock of the arrow. It was sticky and half-covered in bright orange flower pollen.

Gale used to do that to his arrows so they'd be easier spotted. I tried it once, but all the pollen just came off so I never bothered trying again. So this was Gale's arrow. One event after another happened, and the more that did, the odder I felt. Sort of like…I wasn't sad about him anymore. Of course I missed him like crazy, but….Ugh, I didn't know…

"I'm sorry, Gale." I murmured to myself, slowly wiping off the layer of dirt from his long-lost arrow. "I'm sorry you had to die. I'm sorry you think it's my fault. I wish you didn't, but then again… I wish a lot of things." Sighing, I stuck the arrow in my bag and laid on my back again, eyes tuned to the tiny fish jumping in the stream. "I wish you were here with me, for one. And I wished things could have ended a little more peaceful than they did."

They ended horribly…

"I wish I could have said goodbye to you, or at least reassured you that I loved you one last time. Though you probably wouldn't have believed me." I laughed quietly to myself. "I don't know what else I wish, though, Gale. Mostly I just want to talk to you one more time without you blaming me for everything."

Sighing, I stood back up with a sore grunt. Most of the energy had been drained from me doing just that, and I rubbed my forehead. A single rabbit could make a dinner. It was good enough.

I trudged back through the forest, sticking to the usual path I took, seeing barely any delicious would-be morsels to eat. My bow and quiver was stored where I had gotten it, and after that I took a different route I'd thought would lead me closest to the Village. The fence was exactly where it would be, though I had misjudged my distance. By about a mile. Making an exhausted raspberry, I trudged on, feeling like weights had been stuck to the bottoms of my shoes.

I had no idea what time it was when I got back to the Village. The sun was still visible above the tree line, so I guessed it was right about suppertime. Perfect.

Peeta's house was the closest to me, which was great because I was going there anyways. I walked up the porch and knocked once, but didn't bother waiting for Peeta to open it. I just slugged on in, closing it behind me. My back felt heavy.

"Are you okay, Katniss?" Peeta appeared at my side, sliding his arm around me, propping me up a little.

I nodded. "I feel fine, thank you. Just exhausted."

"I'd imagine." He shook his head. "You were gone for four hours."

Three hours? It didn't seem like that long at all. I knew the stream was a couple miles away, but it didn't feel like four hours at all. Shrugging, I made my way over to the kitchen. "Four hours and only a single rabbit to show for it." I tipped out the lumpy old beast onto the kitchen counter.

"A single rabbit that makes our dinner." Peeta was optimistic as ever, and began washing his hands. "Are you going back to your mother's house, or…?"

I paused, and then nearly smiled. It was never really a question. "I'm staying with you if you don't mind too much."

"Not at all." He smiled at me and took out a knife from his fancy wooden knife box. "Why don't you go take a hot shower? I'll cook dinner."

Aw man… I sometimes felt so completely lucky having someone like him around. Peeta, who was never pessimistic, and knew when I needed a break. I smiled gratefully. "Thank you, Peeta. But I don't have any more clothes here, do I? Was it just the one pair?"

He made a face. "Afraid so…" But then a small smile stretched across his face, and he leaned his head in the direction of the stairs. "You can borrow some of mine."

I _loved_ wearing Peeta's clothes. For some reason I felt like laughing, and I just sighed thankfully, heading upstairs to Peeta's room.

When I was up in his room (nothing had changed, even the little picture of a week-old Jace on his nightstand), I kicked the door closed and headed into the bathroom, careful not to get blood anywhere. It was all over my hands from the artery I had hit in the rabbit. Shedding my dirty clothing and stepping into the shower, I scrubbed off the blood under a stream of torrid hot water. My hair was brought out of its braid and washed free of the sweat that had accumulated. And when I finally stepped back out of the large shower stall, the entire mirror above the sink was blurry with steam.

I towel-dried my hair as best as I could and then wrapped the used towel under my armpits, heading back into the room. Peeta's wardrobe was just ten feet to the left of the bathroom door, and he was not in his room, so I snuck over to it and pulled out a pair of his drawstring pajama bottoms and one of his big T-shirts. They smelled so good…

Dropping the towel, I pulled the shirt over my head and hiked the pants up to my belly button. The drawstring was tied in an impossible knot, so I had to keep hiking them up to keep them from falling. It looked like I was drowning in these clothes, but I loved it too much to change at all. Feeling content and warm, I shuffled back downstairs.

Peeta was serving up some stew (I knew it was rabbit, I didn't need to guess) into bowls when I came in.

"Just on time," He said, setting a bowl on the table. "You eat up. I've got to go do something real fast."

I just blinked at him and sat down, watching Peeta as he left the kitchen.

The stew was incredibly delicious. How much I'd missed rabbit meat, I had no idea until then. Mouth watering, I slurped down the entire bowl before Peeta had come back.

"Jesus, Katniss…" He chuckled, taking the empty bowl from me. "Would you like seconds?"

I wanted some more, but I had a feeling I'd make myself sick eating more of that stuff. Because first off, he had given me a massive bowlful. It was more along the lines of a bucketful. And second, I had eaten it all in less than five minutes. It was still sitting in my gullet. I just shook my head at Peeta.

"Well…" He ate his up quickly, too, and the dishes were tossed in the sink and the rest of the stew put in the refrigerator.

I stood up when he didn't move from his spot in front of the sink. The pajama bottoms I was wearing started to slip, so I hiked them up a bit more and tossed a vagrant lock of still-wet hair out of my face.

Peeta, who was watching me, grinned. "You're…amazing."

I crossed my arms over the too-big T-shirt (which I knew covered up my brassier-less chest) and tried not to smile myself. "What makes you think that?"

He wouldn't take his eyes off me. "I don't know… You're just drowning in those clothes with your hair wet and an absolute mess. You look younger."

"And that makes me amazing…" I wanted to scowl but all that would conjure up on my face was burning cheeks and a teensy smile that was impossible to ward off. I didn't even see Peeta walk up to me. It was only until he wrapped his strong arms around my shoulders I looked up. Into a mop of blond hair, but I just inhaled at and pressed myself closer to him.

I felt tiny right then, but the good kind of tiny. The kind like a kitten snuggling up on top of a pillow. I wouldn't necessarily call myself a kitten, though…

Peeta pressed his cheek against mine, lips close to my ear. "Am I allowed to say I love you?"

"Not until the wedding."

A long pause.

"I'm just joking, Peeta." I laughed into his neck, pressing closer still, wanting to disappear into him. "You can say it all you want."

"Well, good." It may have been just me, but Peeta sounded relived. He gently kissed the top of my cheekbone. "Because I do. Love you, I mean."

_Darn him_… "I love you, too." It was impossible not to reach up and wrap my arms around his neck as tightly as possible and press my face into his shoulder.

We stood that way for a while, wrapped in each other's presence. His skin molded against mine and I could feel the wiry muscles in his arms and chest. Peeta's fingers were curled around my torso and laced in my hair, seemingly wanting to melt into me (which I'd be fine with).

"It's late, Katniss," He pulled gently, letting the tips of his fingers comb through as he did so. "Come on to bed."

But it wasn't to "bed" where we were going. Turns out Peeta had dragged a whole bunch of extra blankets and pillows into the living room. The oak-and-glass coffee table that had sat between the two suede sofas was now gone, leaving a large area of makeshift beds on the floor.

I laughed quietly through my nose. "…A sleepover."

Peeta's eyes sparkled momentarily as he beamed at the sight. But he ended up furrowing his eyebrows after glancing around for another second.

"What?"

He rubbed his chin. "It's missing something…"

Arrggh. He was driving me _crazy_. I threw my hands up in the air. "_What?"_

"I don't have any on me, but maybe we'll be able to pick some up in town." Peeta grabbed my hand and started pulling me excitedly towards the door.

"No, no, Peeta." I resisted, feeling a grin crack across my face. "I'm wearing your clothes. _I am not going to town_."

He rolled his eyes at me and kept tugging. "No one will see you. We'll be fast."

"I'm not wearing shoes."

"Chicken. Come _on_."

I whined, but a surprised laugh bubbled from my throat when he succeeded in pulling me mobile, and suddenly we were running barefoot down the enormous circle drive away from the Victor's Village. One of my hands was encased in his, and the other held tightly to the waistband of the pajama bottoms I was wearing to make sure they didn't fall down.

"This is insane," I hissed to Peeta as we shot past rows of houses, most of which had only one or no lights on.

He just threw his head back and laughed. It echoed through the sleeping town, bouncing from tree to silent house and back, getting lost in the stars. It was obvious he was enjoying himself. The grin wouldn't leave his face, and neither would the twinkle in his eyes.

I didn't ask him where we were going; he just led by pulling me by my hand down one road, then the next, passing shops both open and closed. We passed barns full of horses, some sleeping and some munching on grass. Weathervanes swung slowly as the lazy wind yawned. It was when my bare feet were beginning to sting, Peeta finally slowed to a stop in front of an ancient-looking store, which one of its dusty windows was lit.

"Jeez, Peeta." I panted, hitching up my pj pants once more. "Remind me again why we're galloping through town in our nightclothes like hooligans with no shoes on?"

He shook his head vigorously like a dog and then grinned at me through a layer of overgrown, shaggy blond hair. "To have a proper sleepover, you need proper tools."

This made me frown.

"So you coming in with me?" Peeta jabbed his thumb behind him to the store.

Let's see… I was barefoot with wild, damp hair, wearing a giant T-shirt and too-big pajama bottoms (both of which were Peeta's) without any underclothes on.

"I'll pass, thank you.  
He winked at me and ducked inside, leaving me out alone in the navy after-dusk town.

It was lovely out this time of night. The moon was visible in the east, and brilliant little diamonds were scattered across the sky like pebbles. No birds were singing, but the cicadas were out, filling the air with constant humming chirps. Every now and again I saw the twinkle of a firefly light up, and then fade out again. And the entire scene smelled of dewy grass and soil.

"We should do this more often, you and I." Peeta said quietly, appearing at my side. In his hand was a small paper bag, but his thoughts were obviously elsewhere.

I nodded in silent agreement, no longer bothering to ask what he came to get.

The walk back home was a lot slower and more peaceful. Though my muscles were aching like mad and my feet had gravel embedded into them, I didn't pay any heed to the discomforts. Peeta's fingers were laced with mine and out hands swung back and forth in between us. I felt happy, though the situation was odd. I was deemed sane by my therapist, I hunted for the first time in a year and finally got over the death of my best friend, and I had Peeta. Here we were, taking a walk through town very late at night, barefoot and in our pajamas, holding hands. I wasn't sure how much more I could be at peace with the world. Thought I'd never be…

We got back to the Village and I was reluctant to leave the fresh night air, but when Peeta held up the paper bag and shook it tantalizingly, curiosity got the better of me. When we walked inside, he stopped by the kitchen, justifying his actions by saying he was checking on the cookies he had set out to cool before we left. I wasn't sure what to do, so I wandered around in the living room until he came back.

"Excuse me," Peeta ushered me out of the way and he dragged the coffee table back into its original position temporarily. On top of the table went a chair.

"What _are_ you doing, Peeta?" I inquired, looking up at him as he stood towering on the chair.

He rummaged around in the bag. "You'll see." And he reached up to touch the ceiling.

Peeta did this for a minute, reaching into the bag and touching the ceiling. I didn't ask what he was doing again, but really wanted to, especially when he got down and moved the table a few feet and did the exact same thing again, And so he went on like that, until he touched most of the living room ceiling. I just decided to dub his behavior as unimportant, no matter how bizarre. It was only until he got down and put the table & chair away I put my hands on my hips.

He waved me aside nonchalantly. "Why don't you sit down? I'll get the cookies."

Feeling disgruntle, I sank down onto the numerous blankets and pulled one over my lap.

After a few seconds' wait, Peeta brought back a tray of at least two dozen cookies and set them next to me. I took one, but before I could take a bite, I was interrupted.

"Lay down and close your eyes." Peeta hadn't sat down yet.

Bossy arsehole… Grumbling, I put the treat back and did as I was told, seeing the orange glow of the lights from behind my eyelids. But suddenly it was gone, black, sending white dots dancing around behind my lids, confused. The blankets around me shifted as Peeta slid under them with me and I felt him put his arm around my shoulders.

"Now look."

I opened my eyes and was immediately awed. It was like the night sky on our ceiling, glowing pale green through the unlit house. My first instinct was to get up and trip around in a daze, but after a funny muscle twitch in my neck, I relaxed against Peeta and stared. There wasn't really anything I could say to that.

"See what I mean by proper tools?" Peeta's voice blared over the peacefulness after a few minutes and I wanted to shush the unnatural noise in the room.

But instead, I laughed. "Glow-in-the-dark star stickers? _Seriously_?"

He sat up to steal a cookie from the tray. "The _best_ sleepovers consist of glow-in-the-dark star stickers and homemade cookies. You don't like it?"

I sat up with him, leaning my back against the couch. "No, no it's _amazing_. Just really bizarre. You're…you're really…"

Peeta rolled his head on his shoulder to face me, and I could tell in the dim light he was grinning. "Amazing? You were going to say amazing."

"Of course I was."

We sat like that for a long time, staring up at the ceiling and eating peanut butter cookies. Though are stars didn't twinkle much like the real ones, they were still _ours_, and still beautiful. It was only until I heard a small snore from Peeta I looked over at him.

His head was limp and hair hanging in his eyes.

"Peeta…" I laughed quietly, and then pulled a few covers up over him.

It was a sign that I should go to sleep, too. Sinking under the remaining covers, I curled up on my side facing Peeta. One of his hands were close to mine, so I laced my fingers around his and squeezed gently.

"G'night…" I mumbled to him and was pulled under, into a sleep cradled by the glowing haven of our stars.

**oOo**

_I hope you guys like long, because this is roughly hoe it'll be until the wedding. Cramming an entire day into a 10,000-word-long chapter. :P:P Don't forget to review, now! We're so close…_


	53. Chapter 53

_Alright people, we need to get cracking! I'm going to let you all know a secret: this story—Gravity—is ending sooner than you all think. Way sooner. Maybe even before chapter 60, but don't worry because I'm writing a third (and last). And I need a name for it! I need a name for the third story to "Lo and Behold" and "Gravity". So review telling me what would be an awesome name for it, or you could enter the poll I have up. But I need your input. Anyways, happy reading!_

**oOo**

I woke up late the next day. It was eleven o'clock when Peeta shook my shoulder. Groaning, I twisted around in the numerous covered I was drowning and squinted up at him. Though, all that came from my mouth was a mumble and a groan.

His mouth twitched into a small smile. "It's lunchtime. Prim came over earlier this morning and says she needs you back at noon."

Still refusing to get up, I twined my arms around a pillow and pressed my face into it. "Mmph… For what?"

"To get your wedding dress."

Ah, crap. That was today. We get the bridesmaid dresses and my own dress. Part of me was a little excited for that. The other part wanted to stay right here.

When I still didn't move, Peeta straightened up and pulled all the covers off me, letting in all the cold air.

I whined, sitting up and wrapping my arms around my chest. "That's not fair, Peeta."

He ignored me and tossed the blankets over the back of the couch, heading away from me once more. "I made sandwiches if you want one."

Stupid boy… Sighing, I stood up and pulled the pajama bottoms up to my belly button before shuffling after him into the kitchen.

He was busy pouring tall glasses of orange juice on the table, and I was pleased to see a freshly made sandwich sitting on a plate in front of a glass, just for me. Sweeping a straggly lock of hair behind my ear, I sat.

"I also tossed your clothes in the washer a bit ago, so they should be done in a few minutes." Peeta sat down with me at the table.

I swallowed the bite I was chewing on. "Thank you."

We finished brunch quickly, and after the dishes were done, I snuck off to the master bathroom to take a shower. It was luxuriously huge and warm in there, steam heating the place nicely when I finally stepped out. I dried off my hair with a blow-dryer (after burning myself a little) and found my clothes sitting, clean and folded, on the countertop next to the sink. Something in my head yawned at the fact that Peeta came in and set them there while I was stark-naked in the shower.

When I finished braiding my hair and getting dressed and went back into the living room, Peeta had already put away the blankets in a record amount of time. Everything was spotless, as usual.

He was sitting with his back to me on one of the couches, feet propped up on the coffee table, nibbling on the semi-stale cookies he had made last night. Out of habit, I glanced up at the ceiling. Barely visible outlines of the star stickers were visible.

The smile that followed was automatic.

Feeling squeaky clean and content, I took a seat next to Peeta and tucked my legs under me.

"Did you sleep well last night?" he asked, offering me a treat (which I declined).

I nodded, leaning back on the couch. "Yeah. I fell asleep very soon after you." I chanced a glance at him and grinned a tiny bit. "You snore."

"So do you."

We've been through this before, so I just rolled my eyes and fiddled with the hem of my trouser legs. They were frayed…

"It's going so fast…" Peeta said a few minutes later. "The wedding is day after tomorrow. And then…"

I imagined how that'll go and, overcome with both nervousness and excitement, I wrapped my hand around the crook of Peeta's elbow and nestled down next to him.

"Feeling a little amorous, are we?" He laughed, looking down at me, but the grin melted away into nervousness. In his eyes I could see the exact same worry I held, too.

I wanted to bring it up, but the thought made me stomach sink a little, not to mention the blush it brought on. If I'm going to react the same thinking it as talking about it, what's the point?

"We chose kind of…a bad time, you know." I ignored the heat in my cheeks (you could have fried an egg on them).

Peeta raised an eyebrow. "For what?"

I squirmed uncomfortably. "You know… The wedding. And the-the wedding…night. We chose a bad time."

He considered for a minute, eyes narrowed, staring off in the distance. "…You're probably right."

Part of me was hoping he'd disagree and say 'no, of course it's not a bad time, everything'll go great'. But he disappointed me once again upon telling me the truth.

"But after the wedding it wouldn't matter, because we'll get the rest of our lives to concern ourselves about those things." Peeta stopped staring into the distance to glance down at me, who'd sank so low I was practically crammed between the back of the couch and the couch cushions like lost coins.

I nodded my head slightly. "I guess you're right. Patience isn't one of my best qualities, though…"

At that moment, someone on the other side of the house door knocked loudly, and we only had a split-second to untangle our selves before Prim opened the door and walked in.

"You ready to go, Katniss?" She was wearing one of her lovely blue dresses that went down to her knees, accompanied by a large bow clipped to the back of her hair. Her entire self was practically bouncing up and down with excitement that was obvious on her lovely cream-colored face. "Annie and Mother are already waiting outside."

I slid my feet off the couch and rubbed my eye. "Yeah, I'm ready."

When I looked back at Peeta, he was smiling. "Have fun. I'll be back here afterwards; leaving Benj and Anna-Mae to close the bakery early."

Both Prim and I smiled back at him, but I was the one who said, "Okay. I'll see you later."

His eyes sparkled at me, in that certain way that made feel like Prim wasn't even here next to me. "I'll see you later, too."

I wanted really bad to lean down and maybe give him a small kiss goodbye, but my little sister grabbed my hand and dragged me out the door before I could do such a thing.

It turns out Prim was telling the truth; Annie and Mother were already out there, dressed and ready. Annie didn't have Jace, so I assumed she let Finnick keep him while she was out. I was squeezed to Mother's side briefly.

"You ready, Katniss?" She was also jumping up and down. How come everyone seemed more excited than me, when this was _my_ wedding? "This is the last step towards the big day!"

'The big day'. I nearly laughed, but my nervousness consumed it when she put it that way. "Define 'ready'."

They all laughed a little, but nobody said anything to that.

It felt slightly odd walking through town like we did. Primrose held my hand in one of hers, Annie's in the other, and Mother insisted on holding my right hand. Plus, we were fizzing with excitement, practically skipping down the roads. The looks on people's faces when they saw us passing by—a string of skipping girls from ages fifteen to fifty—were incredibly amusing. What I would give to know exactly what they were thinking…

We got to the tailors and had to break our chorus line in order to get inside the door. Caroline was in there, talking to Mr. Webb, and I could see Ivy in the corner playing with something I couldn't see. When the little bell chimed above us in the doorway, all three looked our way.

"CANISS!" Ivy yelled, barreling towards me at the speed of a charging rhino.

I caught her just in time, stumbling backwards a step as she latched her arms around my neck.

"How are you today, Ivy?" I said, straining to breathe, but still managing to look down at the precious little four-year-old.

"I got a splinter." She informed me, but wasn't able to show it to me because she interrupted herself. She paused. Her face split into an awed one, and then she jumped up in down in my arms with excitement. "Are we getting more dresses today?"

I set her gently down. "We're getting _my_ dress today."

She giggled, climbing up into her own mother's arms.

Caroline rolled her eyes playfully at her daughter. "Are w—"

"I see we've got the whole gang here!" Mr. Webb interposed, sweeping in close to us in that frightening way he does. Upon seeing my mother, he bowed slightly an extended his hand, like a gentleman. "I'm Nathan Webb, the tailor."

Mother, who seemed overwhelmed by his presence as everyone else did, shook his hand hesitantly. "…Ruth Everdeen."

"I assume we're here to pick up the bridesmaid dresses?" Mr. Webb said, rubbing his hands together.

Knowing it was my job to answer, I took a tiny step forwards. "That and get my own dr—"

"Excellent!" He beamed with excitement. "Are you having this one ordered or are we creating it here?"

"Not ordering." I clarified.

"Excellent…" the tailor said again, rubbing his hands together. "Are we ready to get started?"

When I agreed, all six of us were hustled to the back room.

"Now," Mr. Webb ushered for me to follow him over to a wall, on which racks and racks of what I'd have described as dress skeletons hung. "These are the templates that decide roughly the shape and colors and sleeve designs of wanted dress. For instance," He pulled out a template that was covered in plastic. It was incredibly short and shapeless, but it had distinct qualities (halter top, low-cut and sort of a cream-ish color).

Mr. Webb pointed to different areas of it and explained.

"For instance, I could make it any length desired and add features such as lace and sequins, and change the seam design on the waist." He put the template back. "There is an incredibly wide variety of choices, custom and original. Please take your time deciding." And with a flourish to the rest of the rack, he folded his hands and sat at a miniature desk in the corner, messing with papers.

I was sort of speechless. This might take a while…

"I'd say," Caroline said ponderingly, letting Ivy wander off close in sight, "that our best chances of narrowing down choices would be to perhaps we'd chose something that matches the theme of your ring."

My face fell and I lifted the ring up to look at the beautiful pearl ring. Everyone crowded around to do stare at it for a minute. When I was finally able to take my hand back, there was a pause.

"…Well, what's plan 'B' for narrowing?" Prim asked, crossing her arms.

Sighing, I felt overwhelmed once more and pulled a random white dress skeleton off the rack a few feet away. It was a strapless with a plunging neckline and it's back completely exposed.

"Way too immodest," Mother said at once, snatching the template and shoving it back on the rack.

I wanted to laugh.

"How about this one?" Annie, who was searching on the other side of the room, pulled another template out. It was another white halter-top, but much more tasteful than the last.

She came over for me to look at it. It was fairly nice, actually.

"It would emphasize your lovely arms and neck!" Mother took it from Annie and held it up to me, as if it'd automatically mold to my skin and she could see it better.

"And make your chest look bigger," Prim grinned at me, cracking a joke about my small chest.

"Not to mention put the attention on your face…" Caroline mumbled, smoothing it out over my collarbone. "We could have it trimmed h—"

"OH CAAAANNNNIIISSS!" Ivy yelled to me, even though she was only about fifteen feet away, very near where Annie had gotten the other.

Sighing, I went over to her and gently took the template that she was tugging on excitedly. "Let's take a look at this one…" Originally it was just to please her, but when I took a good hard look at it, I was slightly awed.

The material was thin, shimmery and a white-ish-pink-ish color, and it had two slightly see-through shoulder straps that look like they clung close to the neck. But when I liked about it so much was the back; it seemed to have a large wedge-shape cut out, and tied back up with thick old-timey-looking laces, just like a corset.

"Ivy," I said, pulling the sweet little girl into my arms. She was grinning as I touched her nose. "I think you just found me my wedding dress."

Immediately, everyone rushed over and began talking about it. Chatters of agreement and awe and ideas were suffocating me, and it was only until the tailor pushed his way into our mob and asked if we had found one.

We all nodded our heads.

"Miss Katniss?" Mr. Webb held his hand out for the template and had his eyebrows raised, waiting for me to finalize the decision.

I handed it to him. "I'm ready for the…fitting, or whatever."

A smile that was more or less kind spread across the tailor's face. "Excellent. Now, if you would please proceed to the changing room and remove everything, except perhaps your underclothes if desired."

I was just about to go back, when something dawned on me and I paused, turning back to him. "How come the others didn't get to keep theirs on when they were getting _their_ fittings?"

"Because theirs were to be ordered, but when you get the dress made _on_ you, you can factor in underclothes easily."

"Oh…" I just shrugged, and, knowing what to do.

Into the restroom I went and my clothes were removed and hung on the little rack. Feeling very thankful that I just _happened_ to be wearing a brassiere instead of an undershirt today, I left on my underclothes and just tossed the thin robe around my shoulders.

Back in the huge room, Mr. Webb had brought out a roll of the same shimmery white-pink material, along with a whole bunch of scissors and needles and measuring tapes and so many other things I didn't know what they were.

When I came in, he motioned for me to step up onto the raised floor. The tailor and Caroline (since she was his assistant, I kept forgetting) stepped up with me, leaving Mother, Prim, Annie, and Ivy standing below staring at us. The template was once again in his hands, but it was smaller and looked more like it'd fit someone my size.

When I slipped off the robe and hung it up, the template was tugged over my head. At first I was a little unsure.

"It feels…odd. Uncomfortable." I tugged at the collar.

"Don't worry." He went behind me and started pulling at the laces up my back. The crumpled material that was sagging before, now smoothed out and felt 100% better.

And so that went on. I didn't keep track of time, but it passed like molasses as I stood there like a mannequin, getting pushed and tugged on and poked with needles and measured once, twice, triple checked. The dress was lengthened a lot until it skimmed the floor in a cascade of shimmering pearly material. The cloth on my torso was adjusted so where it hugged me closer, but supported more of my chest and gave me room to breathe and move. Length was added and subtracted to the ties on my back, and a strip of fine white lace was ran across the low neckline.

In the end, everyone had me convinced I was some sort of goddess. Mother babbled, crying, Prim and Annie were jumping around hugging each other, practically shrieking. Ivy had once again clambered into my arms, and Caroline and Mr. Webb just looked incredibly pleased.

"You look so grown up." Mother sniffed, helping me loosen the corset back of my newly finished wedding dress.

I was in a state of sweaty, grinning excitement. It was sort of hard to speak. Along with the dress, we'd managed to get Caroline the day off tomorrow, so things were definitely looking up.

They helped me get out of my dress and into my normal clothes once again. I had to admit, it felt odd having material on my arms and in between my legs after standing there in the dress for so long. I stumbled out almost stiffly to pay at the front desk. My Webb was there with our things: the three darling bridesmaid's outfits and my dress, all covered in separate bags of plastic.

When the price was announced, I saw Caroline drop her head almost sickly, ashamed. And I felt a little awkward not even hesitating counting out the large-numbers notes and coins into his callused hands.

"Do you mind if we picked these up in about an hour?" I asked, planning to take everyone out for a celebrity treat of ice-cream. "And…don't show these dresses to anyone." I knew that Peeta was going to come in sometime today, too, and I didn't want him snooping around.

"Of course." The tailor seemed a lot more polite and jovial now that he had an incredible amount of money in his hands. "I'll hold it as long as you will like."

"Thank you." Out of habit, I reached down to pick up Ivy, even though I wasn't her mother. "I'll see you later, then, Mr. Webb."

"As you, ma'am. It's been a pleasure being of service to you all." He smiled as we exited.

Laughter filled the air as we walked, but most of it was relief and excitement. Mother started crying again and it only stopped when we got to the parlor, a tiny old place run by an ancient, blind man who had long since lost his family, but never stopped smiling. Ivy was in chock because she had never had ice cream before, so I told her to get whatever she wanted. When we all ordered, I silently apologized to Caroline for the amount of sugar I was putting into her daughter's system.

"This is so exciting." Prim, who was slurping down a raspberry snow cone, said.

We were all sitting on the ground in front of the parlor, backs against the wall, eating sugary the treats.

"And it's happening _Friday_. You're getting _married_, Katniss." She was grinning with anticipation. "I can't imagine how that must feel!"

I just shook my head. Ivy was sitting on my lap, making a huge mess with her double-scoop chocolate-and-rainbow-sherbet ice cream. She was totally engrossed.

"…It feels surreal." I said, running my tongue along my top lip, tasting minty honey. "Because less than a year ago there was no choice; I was in the clutches of the Capitol and I thought we were just doomed. Peeta and I talk about it sometimes, and both of us agree that the chances of this actually happening were…pretty slim."

They all nodded in agreement.

"I think it's incredibly sweet how you two are so emotionally attached to each other," Annie said absentmindedly, munching on her own chocolate cone. "We can see it on both of your faces every time you're around each other. I would have never imagined things turning out like this, the famous star-crossed lovers ending up _actually_ loving one another and getting married. I don't know…" She sucked a bit of ice cream off her thumb. "It's just incredibly sweet."

I really had nothing to say to this. My cheeks were red with the amount of perceptiveness Annie held, though I wasn't entirely sure I liked how much awkwardness this conversation had taken a turn to.

"It really is," Caroline chimed in quietly, looking wistful. "Though you might not realize, people all over town notice you two when you're out. Holding hands and laughing and…just happy."

My blush spread to my ears and I avoided looking directly at any one of the,.

"Why," Mother laughed a little, eyes crinkling up in the way they did whenever she was about to say something potentially embarrassing. "I would expect you having little blond babies running around the house in no time at all."

I opened my mouth, ready to intrude, but once again was stopped.

"And-and," Prim was giggling, "little blue eyes, and y—"

"Okay, enough talking about my love life and my future, okay?" I said, maybe a little harsher than I'd intended. "It hasn't happened yet, I don't want you spoiling the ending."

Everyone laughed a little, but I could feel the hand holding my ice cream trembling. The truth was, I wanted a kid more than anything in the world. But I didn't know if I was able to have one, and I didn't like my family talking about it almost as if they'd be disappointed if I _couldn't_. I knew they would be supportive, but still…

Thankfully, the awkward silence didn't last long.

Ivy, who had just bitten into the rainbow sherbet scoop, squealed and held it out two inches from my face. "Caniss, taste this DEWISCIOUS ice cweam!" Her words were even cuter with the cold treat numbing her lips.

I did, and agreed with her that it was delicious. My heart softened. At least I had _her_.

Afterwards, when we were walking around the Village's circle drive, I decided something.

"I think I'm going to go and say hello to Peeta real quick." I said, carefully placing the plastic-covered dress in Mother's hands.

"Okay, d—"

"ME TOO!" Ivy said loudly, jumping up and down. Then she grabbed onto Caroline's hand. "Momma, we go say hi to Peeta!"

Caroline's eyes flicked briefly up to me and I nodded, so she transferred the tiny dress from her hands to Prim's. "Okay, hon. But you have to not yell."

Ivy giggled and put her finger to her lips. "Shh."

I let the little girl lead the way, lugging on my hand, and when we got to Peeta's porch I let her ring the doorbell. There was a rustle inside the house and when the door opened, I was momentarily confused.

"Haymitch?"

My scruffy old mentor was standing there, scratching his stubble, looking from the little girl hanging on to my hand and back up to me.

After pausing, he shook his head. "Why didn't anyone tell me it was 'Adopt-and-Orphan' day?" To my relief, he sounded sober.

"Haymitch, this is Caroline," I pointed to her, "And Caroline, you…know Haymitch, right?"

She was looking uneasy. I would have, too, if all I knew about Haymitch was that he was a drunk. But as far as first impressions go, Haymitch wasn't doing all that bad.

He extended his hand. "'Nice to meet you."

There was a tiny bit of relief on her face and she shook it. "…Nice to meet you, too."

When I looked down at Ivy, the look on her face was adorable. …_Peeta? You…got a new haircut. And aged. A lot._

"Ivy, this is Haymitch." I brought her up in my arms. "He is sort of…an uncle to me. Uncle Haymitch."

She looked wary at first, but then grinned, baring her tiny teeth almost frighteningly at my old mentor. "Unco Haymitch."

I wanted to laugh, but instead, set her down and turned to Haymitch. "These are just friends of Peeta and mine's. Speaking of which, where is he?"

He let us step inside, and then pointed to the kitchen while sitting down. "Making lunch."

Peeta making lunch for Haymitch. I resisted the urge to snort as I leaned down close to Ivy. "Why don't you go say hi to Peeta?"

That was all it took. Assuming the position of a charging rhino, Ivy barreled into the kitchen at full-speed. "PEEEEEEEETAAAAAA!"

Laughing a little, Caroline and I sat down on the couch opposite Haymitch.

"So what are you doing here?" I asked him.

Haymitch rubbed his chin. "Seeing as how you dind't bother paying your old mentor a visit in the past two weeks…" He shrugged. "Didn't even bother letting me in on the plans for your wedding."

I went into automatic defense. "We've been incredibly busy, Haymitch. Pardon me for not checking in on you three times a day making sure you haven't killed yourself."

He just waved this off. "I wasn't here to lecture you two. Peeta did have an interesting idea, though." Change of subject.

"What?"

"That I walk you down the aisle in place of your father."

I felt my heart deflate a little and a lump grew in my throat. I didn't know what to say. But thankfully, I was saved.

Peeta came into the living room from the kitchen. Ivy was clinging onto his shoulder, her cheek pressed against his. She looked thrilled, clutching his neck tightly.

"Do I have something on my face, Katniss?" Peeta asked, poking Ivy in the forehead.

"Just right here," I went along with it, brushing my hand along my left cheek.

Peeta peeled off Ivy and pretended to look horrified. "Oh no! It's a little girl! _Gross_." He tucked her under his arm. "I must go throw her away."

Ivy screamed, thrashing around, and managed to get free. "Unco Haymitch, SAVE ME!" She ran from Peeta and scrambled up into Haymitch's arms.

Peeta came after her, trying to tickle her belly. She screamed some more and pulled Haymitch's wide arm over herself to protect from Peeta's fingers.

Finally, Peeta let Ivy win and went to sit down on the other side of the couch, grinning, and allowed the little girl to clamber into his lap. "Lunch is almost ready, but I didn't fix a lot. If I'd known you were going to be stopping by…"

Caroline shook her head, dismissing that. " It's fine. I promised I'd help Ruth and Annie with their lunch and finding the dresses a safe spot until Sunday."

Ivy, who was still sitting on Peeta's lap, frowned. "But Momma, I wanna eat with Peeta and Unco Haymitch."

It was obvious that her mother was about to disagree, but I piped up, offering to stay with the girl.

"Well…" Caroline still hesitated.

"Pleeaaasse?" The little girl begged, jumping up and down on Peeta's legs. "Pleeeeeeeeaaaaaaasse? They love me! Peeta and Caniss love me, and so does Unco Haymitch. Right Unco Haymitch?"

Haymitch looked a bit overwhelmed and sputtered a bit, but finally gave in and shrugged. "Sure I do, squirt."

Ivy put her hands on her hips, facing her mother. "See, Momma?"

Caroline looked defeated, but agreed after a few seconds. "Alright, but be on your best behavior and come straight back to Katniss' house after you're done, understood?"

The little girl was thrilled, once again bouncing around the room. "Yaaay!" She gave her mother a goodbye kiss on the cheek, and then hopped onto the couch, cramming herself between Haymitch and Peeta. "Bye-bye, Momma!"

With a small smile and telling Haymitch it was nice meeting him, Caroline left the house.

The second she was away, Ivy started talking. "What's for lunch, Peeta?"

"Salad." He looked thoughtful, but when Ivy made a disgusted face, he added, "But I think there are chicken nuggets in the freezer I can whip up."

"Mmm…" She nodded her head vigorously, and then promptly got up and went into the kitchen.

All three of us followed.

Ten minutes later, we were all settled around the table, eating. Haymitch was disgruntle because Peeta gave him salad instead of the chicken, but to make him feel better I got some, too.

"So how was the tailor's?" Peeta asked, wiping his hands on a napkin. "Are the dresses any good?"

"They're SOOOO PRETTY!" Ivy piped up before I could say anything. "Katniss' is white and it has l—"

"That's enough, Ivy." I laughed. "It's a surprise, remember?"  
She looked disappointed.

"You mean I don't get to see it?" Peeta looked confused.

"Of course not."

I don't know which was funnier—Peeta's sad look or Ivy's sad look.

"Oh, go cry somewhere else, you two babies. You'll get to see the dress on Sunday. That's only two days from now."

There was a silence, in which I caught Peeta winking to Ivy. She giggled.

"So," I fiddled with the table clothes. "What all has Peeta told you about the plans, Haymitch?"  
He looked thoughtful and began rubbing his stubble again. "About everything, I guess."

"And you're planning to stay sober?" Part of that was a joke, but when I say the slightly hurt look on Haymitch's face, I felt guilty.

He sighed, offended, and stared down at his half-eaten salad. "'Wouldn't miss your wedding for the world, sweetheart." He said gruffly.

Was he being sarcastic…? Even so, I felt a bit guilty and stayed silent after that.

A few minutes into the meal, Peeta brought up another interesting topic.

"The bakery across town," he started, "received an odd package the other day."

"How so?"

"Well, you know about the food shortages." He shrugged, and I nodded. "Well, the package was full of…supplies. Flour, yeast, nuts, raisins, all sorts of stuff. And there have been reports of just like two more boxes appearing on the back doors of shops across town."

"Who are they from, do you think?" I asked. This was definitely odd, but didn't seem particularly dangerous.

Peeta shrugged again. "They were just labeled 'The Agency'. No one has ever heard of this, but it's being decided whether or not we should react. District 13 has been notified, I think, but no threat is detected or whatever."

That was really odd… I chewed on my lettuce in thought, poking around bits of dressed veggies with my fork. Perhaps things were changing. A change for the worse or better, I wasn't sure quite yet.

The rest of the day went by, and before I knew it, I was hugging Ivy goodnight.

"Can I stay here with Caniss, Momma?" She asked sweetly when I drew away.

Caroline buttoned up her daughter's jacket. "No, honey. Tomorrow."

Ivy whined, rubbing her tired eyes with a fist. "But Momma…"

"No arguing. Now say goodbye to Ms. Everdeen and Uncle Haymitch and Annie."

Huffily, the 4-year-old did as she was told and hugged the rest of my family goodnight.

Mother, who planted a big kiss on her forehead, straightened up. "Caroline, do you think you can come here as early as six tomorrow? I'm planning on making a big breakfast for all of us and then getting an early start on the day."

"Of course." Caroline agreed with a smile. "Thank goodness I got the day off. Mr. Webb has been making me sew until my fingers bleed."

"Well, this'll give you time to rest." Mother gave her friend a small hug. "I'll see you tomorrow, then."

"Goodbye everyone."

And with that, they left.

"I should be getting home as well." Peeta said, zipping up his jacket. "Annie. Haymitch. Ms. Everdeen. Prim. I'll see you tomorrow." His gaze turned to me.

I looked at my family briefly. "I'll be right back." And happily slipping my hand around the crook of Peeta's elbow, I walked out into the crisp night air with him.

Everything was silent up until we got to his front porch.

He tucked a piece of my hair behind my ear. "So, tomorrow, then?"

"…I suppose so." I sighed and contented myself with momentarily resting my head against his shoulder.

Peeta put his arms around me as well. For a moment we stood like this, silent and unmoving, until Peeta reached up and cupped my face in his hands. "I wish you could stay with me tonight."

"So do I…" I admitted, sliding my hands up to his shoulders and fiddling with the collar of his shirt. "But we'll get more nights together. Guaranteed."

"Good." A grin split Peeta's face and he bent down, pressing his lips gently against mine. But it ended all too soon, of course. "I'll see you bright and early tomorrow, then, Katniss."

I backed up down the stairs and waved my fingers at him. "Have a good night,"

"You, too."

With happy thoughts filling my head and making me feel like a cloud, I flounced back to the house, where it was already vacant of wakeful and busy people. In my room, I took off my clothes and changed into a nightdress, letting out my braided hair. In bed, I snuggled under the covers and closed my eyes, but my brain didn't shut off right away.

Tomorrow night was the last night I was spending single… Single? That didn't seem quite like the word, though it obviously. And right now, fiancé…boyfriend…husband… All of those terms just sounded a little weird, too. Because the circumstances that would usually label people with those didn't happen to me and Peeta. But nevertheless… We were still…together. I was still single today. In approximately thirty-six hours I will be a wife. What the heck? Wife is a foreign term. I will still be Peeta's whatever-I-am right now, and he'll be mine. But what _was_ that?

Curious thoughts segued into dreams, which were…abnormal. But they didn't matter. I wouldn't remember them the next morning, so I let myself be weirded out and just floated away with happy thoughts in my head.

**oOo**

_Har har har… That was most peculiar. Anyhoo, review, pretty please! Even if you don't have an account. The wedding is chapter after next! Hey, I've got an idea. If at least 25% of you review (which really isn't asking a lot), which is about 35, I will put the wedding chapter up REALLY fast. Like unbelievably fast. Perhaps just a day or so after chapter 53. But it all depends on you people. I probably will update fast anyways. I'm just seeing how many people love me. bye-bye!_


	54. Chapter 54

_I am SO sorry for the wait on this chapter! I feel awful, saying I'd post soon, blahblahblah. The thing is, my laptop was taken away so the only time I have to type and publish is when I get online on the internet. And by "taken away" I meant gone. Never to be seen again. Anyways, you guys impressed me beyond belief giving me SO MANY REVIEWS! Amazing. A-M-A-Z-I-N-G. So enjoy this chapter, and the wedding should be updated as soon as possible! Love you all,_

_Soggy_

_P.S: This chapter is dedicated to my SAVIOUR, Hannah. So fanfic popsicles to you (iloveyousomuch). Just to let everyone else know, she pretty much saved my life. Not explaining anything though. _

**oOo**

I woke up to a little girl jumping on my bed and screaming.

"CAN-ISS-CAN-ISS!" Ivy shrieked, her words getting jostled every time she bounced. "WAKE-UP!"

Burying my head under my pillow, I swatted at here.

She screamed and stopped bouncing, only to throw herself onto my stomach. "BREAKFAST-TIME, CANISS!"

All the air whooshed out of my lungs when she landed, making me groan and cough. "Ivy…I'm still tired."

The little girl began smacking my cheeks. "But we gonna try on our dresses today! And eat foooood!"

Blowing an annoyed raspberry, I swung the covers off. "Ok, ok. I'm getting up."

Ivy let out a triumphant laugh, and then hopped off my bed to go over to the closet on the other side of my room. "What will you wear today… Hm…" She began rummaging around on the racks and shelves.

"Ivy…" I said exasperatedly, standing up stiffly. The white nightdress I was wearing unfolded from a night of tossing and turning.

A few items were tossed behind Ivy as she excavated, eventually bringing her to a small armful of clothes. She skipped over to my bed and dumped them out.

"This," Ivy handed me a long-sleeved white T-shirt. "This," A denim vest. "This," A black pleated skirt. "And…" She went back over to the wardrobe and began rummaging around in one of the drawers. "THIS!" She handed me a tangled fistful of white ribbon.

Nearly speechless with amusement, I looked over the outfit the four-year-old had chosen for me. "Ivy, these clothes are a bit…too dress-up for me."

Ivy blinked and nodded.

"I don't really dress up."

She rolled her eyes. "_Caniss. _Momma says dress-up is for special days." Taking the stuff once again in her hands, she thrust it into mine. "_Dress-up._"

I felt like snorting at the seriousness on the little girl's face. Putting the skirt back, I pulled out a normal pair of trousers. "Compromise."

Ivy looked pleased.

Five minutes later I was dressed and braiding my hair in front of the mirror next to the wardrobe. When I was nearly done, Ivy skipped over and tapped on my shoulder. I looked down and she handed me the bundle of ribbon.

Ribbon…In my hair…

Ivy gave me the _sweetest_, most adorable little dimpled grin. I crumbled in.

"Fine, fine…" I finished up the braid and tied a length of the ribbon at the end. "Happy now?"

She hopped up and down, still grinning. "Soooo pretty, Caniss!"

A small idea popped up in my head and I knelt next to Ivy, gently gathering her flaming red hair into a thin ponytail. I tied another bit of white ribbon around it. Wisps of ginger hair escaped, but most of it stayed within the loop of string. Ivy beamed at me.

"What are you girls doing in here?" Into the room came Peeta, following a brisk knock on the door. He leaned against the doorframe and crossed his arms, an eyebrow arching in amusement and fondness at the two of us.

Ivy pranced over to him jovially and pointed to the ribbon in her hair. "Dress-up!"

Peeta's gaze flicked up to me, and I could see the amused sparkle in his eyes. "Silly girls playing dress-up when breakfast is ready." He shooed Ivy out. "Come on, kiddo. Go downstairs, your mother is waiting."

As I followed, I felt one of his hands touch my waist.

"You look nice today."

I smiled slightly. "Thanks. It was Ivy's doing. Originally she wanted me in a skirt." I made me point by laughing. "This is as dressy as anyone'll get me, I'm sorry."

He just squeezed me lightly to his side and kissed me on the cheek. "It looks amazing."

We parted just in time for Finnick to come tromping across the living room right in front of the stairs. He was holding Ivy by the ankles, and she was letting out muffled yells of either delight or terror, I wasn't sure.

As Finnick passed, Peeta reached out and snatched the little girl from his grip. "Stop harassing the children, Finnick."

Ivy giggled, thanked Peeta and hopped off to the kitchen, where we could hear voices.

"But I _like_ harassing them!" Finnick insisted, rolling his eyes derisively. "Speaking of which, you weren't supposed to go up there."

Peeta shrugged, putting his arm around my shoulders. "Ivy was taking a while and I wanted to see what's up."

The other boy raised an eyebrow. "Save it for tomorrow, lover boy."

That nickname _still_ stuck? I couldn't help but snort. "He's right, Peeta." Shaking my head, I ducked out of his arms and in front, going to the kitchen as well. But not before giving Peeta a look. "Save it for tomorrow, when creeps like that won't be watching everything we do."

All three of us shuffled into the kitchen, but I heard Finnick snort. "Thank god…"

Breakfast that morning turned out to be huge. Lots of scrambled eggs with ham and then bacon and pancakes and orange juice and strawberries. Haymitch (who was there as well), Finnick and Peeta wolfed down more than I could have imagined, but dismissed that as a guy thing. Us girls—Caroline, Ivy, Mother, Annie, and Prim—were eating slower, taking time to talk to one another (and swapping sexist jokes through spraying bits of eggs everywhere did _not_ count) and laugh. Peeta stuck by my side, and didn't feel it odd at all to have one arm around my waist the entire time. Of course, that gave Finnick and Haymitch even more to snigger about, but Peeta never even hesitated shooting back a retort that shut them up for another minute at best.

"Caniss, Momma says we're trying on the dresses again today!" Ivy said when there was a somewhat quiet lull in the talking.

When I looked at her, Caroline explained. "I thought it best to make sure everything fit before tomorrow. And to appease the beast." She gave her daughter a poke in the belly, smiling so where her eyes crinkled up.

I agreed. "That's a good idea. What else do we have planned for today?

Mother thought best that she answered that, so she folded her fingers under her chin. "Well… After we do the 'fitting', I thought we should go into town for lunch to run over last-minute plans and finalize everything." Her eyes flicked from Peeta and me. "And then you two can go off and do what you please while the rest of us are out buying supplies and getting ready."

Finnick and Haymitch bent their heads to snigger.

"Save that for tomorrow," Finnick chortled down at his empty plate. "The last thing we need is to walk in on something we _really_ don't want to see."

Haymitch pounded the table with his fist, wheezing with laughter.

My cheeks burned violently and I saw Peeta's burning, too. In fact, everyone except Haymitch and Finnick were blushing, but Prim was obviously trying to conceal a small smile (through a red face, too).

There was a period of silence, but finally, Peeta snorted and took a drink of juice.

"Watch yourself, Odair. You just might be exempt from the wedding tomorrow." He said, eyebrows furrowing and leaning a little closer to me protectively.

Finnick rolled his eyes, but stayed quiet after that. As much as he'd probably hate to admit it, he wants to be there. As did Haymitch, but I was slightly worried about what'll happen tomorrow when there's alcohol in the house for our older guests.

"I don't know about you guys but I'm getting a little claustrophobic in here," I said, wiggling out of Peeta's arm and standing up. I gave the boys—minus Peeta—a glare. "You two are making my stomach hurt."

After getting the rest of the girls to agree with me (Finnick and Haymitch coughed and exchanged amused glances), we put the dishes in the sink and filed out of the kitchen. Annie, who had Jace making in her arms, was holding a light conversation with Caroline. Ivy insisted on being given a piggyback around the room by Prim for a moment while Mother went to get things ready in the other rooms.

"I'm getting more nervous by the second, all this talking about tomorrow." Peeta said quietly, sitting down with me on the couch. Again, his arm was thrown over my shoulders. He gave me a pointed look sideways. "Are you sure I can't see the dress?"

"Positive." I folded my legs under me and tucked my arms across my chest nonchalantly. "You'll get to see it tomorrow, no need to be so impatient."

I felt Peeta flick my head. "I can be impatient if I want. If you won't show me your dress, I won't show you the suit I got yesterday."

Part of my head deflated, and I dropped my eyebrows in an unamused look at him. "…Fine, then. You don't have to show me. Is it anything like the one we wore at the interviews before the Quell?" That last question was honestly curious, making my stubborn gaze falter a bit.

He made a noise that sounded a lot like 'ppsssssshhh'. "Nah. A bit more normal." Peeta paused. "Why am I telling you this?"

A smug grin twitched across my lips, but I didn't answer.

Prim had stopped giving Ivy a piggyback ride, so the little girl looked for attention from Peeta and I.

She came skipping over and crawled onto Peeta's lap, wrapping her tiny arms around his neck. "I _love_ you, Peeta."

Sighing in what seemed like an annoyed fondness, Peeta removed his arm from my shoulders to put it around the little attention-seeking girl. "I love you, too, Ivy. Are you excited?"

"Yes, yes, YES." She clapped her hands over her cheeks, contorting a pair of far toddler lips. "The wedding! And pretty dresses!"

Unable to help myself, I tried to hide a smile and said, "You know, Ivy, Peeta's wearing a dress, too."

The look on Ivy's face was purely confusion. "He _is_?"

"Oh yes. It's pink and has frills all over it."

The little girl looked at Peeta to see if this absurd fact was true.

Peeta nodded solemnly. "I bet _my_ dress is better than Katniss'."

After pausing a few seconds, Ivy let out a laugh. "Noooo, silly. Boys don't wear dresses. And Caniss looks prettier than you."

"I know that." Peeta put his arm back around me and gave me a brief kiss.

"EEEWWWWWWW," Ivy scrambled back out of his lap and ran across the room, tattle-telling on us to Primrose.

Though my cheeks felt warm again from the kiss, I managed to roll my eyes and act casual. "Four-year-olds…"

He agreed with me.

Another little bit of lounging around the house was allowed before Mother approached us. "Katniss, the girls are busy working themselves into their dresses in the master bedroom and bath. We'd better get you in there, too, to check one last time." She turned to Peeta. "If you feel it necessary, there are other rooms for you too, or you can wait out here."

He shrugged, declining. "I think I'm good waiting here, thank you."

Mother nodded, and then turned back around for the master bedroom, expecting me to follow.

"It won't be long," I assured Peeta, patting his shoulder. "I'll be out as soon as I can."

As I stood up and glanced back at the living room, the boys left were blinking after me. Finnick, who was holding Jace (who was busy eating his fist), still looked highly amused, but just shook his head slightly at me for some reason I didn't know. Haymitch had his eyes glazed over and slit (perhaps in deep thought, but it seemed odd). Peeta was just looking at me with an admiring gaze, eyes twinkling as usual. My boys. I sighed noiselessly in content.

**Peeta's POV**

I watched as she smiled shyly at me and then turned around to follow her mother into the master bedroom around the hallway corner.

Silence for a long time. Finnick was humming to Jace, talking in a low voice about the silly girls and their dresses. It was funny listening to him, but not quite as entertaining as his innuendos. Of course, they embarrassed me (and I didn't like the sick look on Katniss' face either), but someone deep inside, I was laughing along with them. It felt nice not to have such a large amount of girl hormones around me, but it seemed as though the only men in my life (just Finnick, Haymitch and Benj) seemed to be set on pushing my buttons until the day I die. I haven't murdered Benjamin yet, which was a good thing, but he didn't seem to get the cause-and-effect of "flirt with Katniss, get strangled to death by Peeta".

Over to my left, Jace had started fussing around, crying and waving his fists all over the place.

"What's the matter…?" Finnick mumbled, making a confused face as he held his son out at arm's length. "Diaper change?" Looking a little nervous, he sniffed Jace's diaper and shrugged. "You don't smell bad…"

"Probably hungry." I said casually, picking a bit of ham from between my teeth. "Annie's back there with the rest of the girls."

Finnick made an odd face. "I don't want to walk in on them."

"There's a bathroom that they're changing in. It's not like you're go in and encounter a whole bunch of minors not wearing clothes."

He snorted. "You're a pain in the ass, Mellark."

I ignored him again, but Finnick decided I was right. Snorting again in defeat, he stood up, trying to keep a grip on Jace, and shuffled back around the corner and down the hall.

Another pause, which was a lot more long and silent now that those two were out. Haymitch just sort of sat there, looking a little bad-tempered.

"So how's being abstemious feel so far, Haymitch?" Attempting to make conversation just earned me a glare.

"It feels like one continuous hangover," Haymitch said gruffly, scowling off in the distance. "Except less of a headache and more violent thoughts."

"Oh."

An awkward pause followed.

"And you're planning to walk Katniss down the aisle like that?" I couldn't help but feel really protective and a little worried that he'd flip out while walking and stab our wedding guests or something.

Haymitch waved his hand at me and shrank a little down in his armchair. "I'm fine, boy. Don't seem so worried I'd hurt her or something."

He knew me well. But I didn't respond to that, mostly because Finnick came back at that time, no longer holding Jace. His eyebrows were arched a tiny bit.

"What?" That look made me curious. "Were they not dressed after all?"

Finnick sat down, the odd look still pasted in place. "No, no they were dressed."

"Oh…" I paused uncomfortably. "So were the bridesmaid dresses nice?"

"They weren't in their bridesmaid dresses."

"…Well, were they just sitting around? I don't understand." I really didn't, and was beginning to frown at his vagueness.

Finnick kept his eyebrows raised, but sucked in his lips briefly. "No, they weren't sitting around either."

I was about ready to strangle him. "What, then?"

There was a long pause and I even saw Haymitch glance over with a confused face on, looking as impatient as I felt.

Finally, Finnick rubbed his hand along his jaw and turned to look at me with an impressed expression. "Just wait 'till you see the dress, lover boy."

It was my eyebrows that shot up this time. "Katniss' dress? You saw Katniss in her dress?"

He nodded slowly. "Yeah. It was…definitely something."

"Why do _you_ get to see the dress and not _me_?" I grumbled, now twitching with impatience. But maybe…perhaps… "What did it look like, the dress?"

It didn't work. Finnick turned his amused, superior look on me and pretended to think. "…White."

"Nice try, Peeta." Haymitch chuckled. "It's bad luck to see the bride in her dress before the wedding."

"Everyone keeps telling me that." I said exasperatedly. "It's starting to drive me insane."

Finnick shrugged and rolled his eyes, expression now permanently changed from awe to supercilious. "It's a nice dress, b—"

"FINNICK ODAIR."

All three of us turned our heads towards the entrance of the hall, and we saw Katniss. She was standing there, hands on hips, scowling her most threatening scowl straight at Finnick. It would have shot lasers from it if this was a cartoon.

"WHAT DID YOU TELL HIM?"

Finnick didn't shrink under her icy gaze. On the contrary, he looked incredibly amused. "Nothing, actually. He was trying to worm it out of me, though."

Katniss' scowl was then passed to me. "I told you, _Peeta_, be patient. You'll get to see it tomorrow. Finnick wasn't even supposed to walk in on us. I was afraid exactly that would happen, nevertheless getting caught…being naked or something."

Finnick gave me a told-you-so-look.

But thankfully, Katniss only glared for another ten seconds, and then she slinked back around the curve of the hall and disappeared.

"Women," Finnick snorted.

I couldn't help but agree with him.

All was quiet until the girls got back. Katniss had her grumpy face wiped clean, and she came to settle next to me. Though we were silent, no one else was. Ivy chattered nonstop with Prim, and the rest were huddled in a big group discussing what the plans were for today.  
"Hey Peeta?" Katniss glanced up at me with an odd look on.  
"Hm?"  
"I'm sorry I was such a jerk."  
Something inside me said she wasn't talking about Finnick seeing the dress. Biting my lip, I looked sideways at her and saw that her head was turned to other direction.  
I looked back away. "I'm sorry I was such a jerk, too."  
Katniss just nodded.  
There wasn't really much time for either of us to say anything else, because just then, Ms. Everdeen stood up.  
"We're heading to town for lunch and last-minute preparations." she said. "If anyone has anything they need to do or get before then, speak now."  
Annie, who was perched on the arm of the couch, gently put Jace into Finnick's arms. "The diaper bag is still at the other house. I'll be right back."  
No one else really had to do anything, so we just tossed on our semi-unnecessary jackets and stretched.  
"I think I'm going to pass the little excursion part of all this," Haymitch said gruffly, rubbing his shoulder as if it was sore. "I'm staying."  
Katniss paused halfway though buttoning up her denim jacket. "Try not to break anything or eat all our food."  
Our old mentor put on a sarcastic grin, bringing on the memory of in the Capitol for the first Games. Bathing Haymitch during one of his drunken stupors. Not the most pleasant memory...  
Sighing, I shook my head and reached over to button up Katniss' jacket the rest of the way. She gave me a look, but allowed it. I just might love that look more than her scowling... To Katniss' speculative expression, I gave her a joking wink and turned back just in time for Annie to come back in with a pretty blue shoulder bag stuffed full of Jace's necessities.  
"We ready?" she pulled out a knitted sling from the bag and looped it over one shoulder and around the other. Jace, who was busy burbling, was fitted nicely into it.  
Primrose skipped up next to her mother, Ivy clambered into Caroline's arms. Finnick slipped his hand around Annie's and we left.  
It was a merry trip into town. Lots of laughing and giggling from up ahead to where everyone else was, but I lingered behind with Katniss, as she seemed deep in thought. It was sort of easy being around her when she's like this. Quiet, somewhat casual, too busy thinking to look to far into things or be upset. Not to mention how I can practically feel the need for human presence seeping from her pores like waves. I could take one step away and be yanked right back in. Not that I would step away, of course.  
Out of the blue, Katniss huffed a great sigh that sounded almost defeated, and wrapped her fingers around the crook of my elbow.  
"You okay?" I accepted her touch courteously, walking closer to her so where our shoulders brushed.  
Katniss shrugged. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just...thinking."  
I raised an eyebrow.  
"...About all of this." With her free hand, Katniss gestured to the group in front of us, to her and I, the entire town. "The fact that we're…getting married in two days. It's just…"

I wanted to finish her trailed-off sentence with 'insane', but I just nodded. "I know what you mean. It kind of feels just like yesterday when I got down on my knees in front of you—in front of the entirety of Panem—and proposed. Seeing you in that beautiful shimmering dress, the screaming crowd, everything. I wanted to be married to you, but not in that way. Not in that way at all. I wanted it to be real. I thought it was just the…beginning of the end." Swallowing at the memory, I couldn't help but stop for a moment and lean my head on hers, breathing in the sweet scent of her hair. "Our 'happily never after'."

Katniss, with her sadly knit eyebrows and a hunch to her shoulders, tightened her grip on my arm. "And yet we made it here. We survived." A tiny smile pulled up the corners of her mouth. "We're survivors, you and I."

I hoped Katniss was okay with it—with me stopping right there in her tracks and kissing her. Katniss' eyebrows arched in surprise, but she went with it gladly. We were both smiling, reluctant to break away and catch up with the others again.

"Hey lovebirds, save that for tomorrow!" Finnick, who had caught us, called out. The rest of them turned to look in curiosity at what he was yelling at.

Just to annoy Finnick, I slid my arms around Katniss' waist, deepening the kiss. Katniss was surprised, but I felt her laugh and I knew that she knew what I was up to and played along, twisting her fingers in my hair. We heard Ivy call out in disgust.

I couldn't take it anymore. My laughter burst from me and I was forced to draw away from Katniss. She was attempting to stifle laughter, too. Not even bothering to look at the others, I still wrapped an arm around her waist and let my hip bump into hers as we regained our footing, following behind the group. Up ahead, a few of my family had their heads bent and were giggling. Talking about us, obviously.

I felt Katniss falter in her steps to reach up and kiss my cheek. My heart immediately swelled to the size of a house. I was so completely…happy with her, and that's putting it mildly. "Happy" doesn't even compare.

When we got into town, I recognized the route to "Greasy Sae's" eatery. All eight of us (not including Jace) filed in and attempted to cram ourselves around the tiny wooden tables.

"Well, well, well." An old lady (well, not _that_ old, but old enough) came out from behind a closed door. Her kind face was creased and her hair was grey and flyaway, but her voice was gruff and maybe an octave lower than the average woman her age. "You're going to drain my kitchens dry, girl!" she accused Katniss jokily, mock-scowling. "More and more you bring in… So what'll it be?"

We all kept it light with some stew, and when Sae finally brought it out to us, instead of leaving, she pulled up a chair and joined us.

"So, I hear our girl on fire is gettin' married." Her words were directed to Katniss, but her eyes were on me. "Figured it was a matter of time. S'pose you didn't bother inviting me, did ya? Thought you'd get away with it?"

Katniss rolled her eyes and swallowed a mouthful of soup. "We've had a lot on our plates. Of course you're invited."

Sae picked at a dirty- chewed fingernail (shouldn't people who work with food have better hygiene?). "So when is it?"

"Sunday."

The thin eyebrows on the old lady shot up, sending numerous wrinkles creasing her olive forehead. "That quick? They said 'soon', but I didn't realize _how_ soon. Sunday, eh?"

And so Katniss began filling Greasy Sae in with our plans we had so far.

"It's at eleven." She said. "Everyone's allowed to come then, but after Mayor Channe leaves, only select people on the guest list are allowed to stay for the reception thing we're holding."

Slowly, Sae began nodding her head. "And who's on the guest list?"

"Well…" Katniss puckered her brows in thought. "All of us here, obviously—Annie, Finnick, Mother, Prim, Caroline, Ivy. Benj and Anna-Mae, from Peeta's bakery. And then there's Haymitch. You. Lucia Bennet—Caroline's grandmother. And… That's all that I can think of right now."

For a second the old cook mulled this over. Then her eyes took on a curious sparkle. "And what about your charming cousin? I haven't heard from him at all since…everything."

Katniss looked completely baffled, as was I. She opened her mouth to express her not understanding, but then shut it immediately. Realization clouded her eyes sadly. "You…haven't heard?"

The worry on Sae's face was obvious, but she said nothing.

"Gale's…uh…" Red rimmed Katniss' beautiful grey eyes and she blinked furiously. Of course Gale. "He's not here. He…got killed. Back in District 13. By spies."

The old ladies' face fell a great amount, and after waiting a split-second, she put a shaking hand over Katniss'. "That's a right shame. He was a fine young man. I'll…I'll miss him."

It was obvious the topic wasn't appreciated, but Katniss took her hand back and swallowed. "His family stayed in Thirteen."

Silence for a long time.

When it was time to leave the restaurant, Sae turned down the money Katniss offered.

"It's on the house." She waved it off. "Good luck with everything."

We all said a solemn goodbye and left. And as we did, I watched Katniss warily. She looked upset. Hopefully, she wouldn't go off crying or scream at me again. Though we both know I wouldn't blame her broken heart. Though the heaviness on her shoulders was obvious, she held her head high.

Unable to help myself, I slipped my fingers in between hers and gave them a reassuring squeeze. "Things will be alright."

A sigh. "I sure hope so." And Katniss dropped her hand to hurry and catch up with the rest of the group.

Recovered quickly from the happenings at lunch, they all had their heads bent once again, but this time they were yammering about plans. Though I couldn't catch all of it, I knew the general idea about what each was talking about. Annie and Prim and Caroline were talking about flowers, Ms. Everdeen and Katniss were talking about something to do with an aisle, and Finnick was hanging back a little, attempting to convince Ivy that she really _didn't_ need a piggyback from him. He lost in the end.

At the town square, conversations died down as we came to a halt in a small circle, somewhat away from the most town activity.

"So here's the plan…" Ms. Everdeen started, rummaging around in her pockets. A pause. "Oh, where did I put that notepad?"

"It's here." Caroline handed it to her.

"Thank you. Anyways, Caroline, Prim, Annie, Finnick, the kids, and I are going to be scattered across town picking up some last-minute items." Katniss' mother's words were directed towards me and Katniss, but her eyes were on the yellow notepad. She looked up. "Annie and Finnick, if you could see to it that everyone on our guest list is informed about Sunday's events."

Finnick put his arm around his wife's shoulders and Annie adjusted Jace's wrap. They both nodded and accepted a sheet of paper, on which Ms. Everdeen had written the names and locations of each person.

"Caroline, you and Ivy are coming with me to pick up the flowers from the florist, and we'll then store them all in Haymitch's basement." She flipped to another page and tore that one out as well. "And Prim, dear, we already ordered the suits and dresses for the rest of us, if you could pick those up from Mr. Webb that'd be excellent."

Prim beamed at her job and took the order slips from her mother.

"And last but not least…" Ms. Everdeen gave a pointed look to her eldest daughter and then to me. "Behave, you two. Everyone keep an eye on the time and meet back here at five."

There were exchanged "goodbye"s, and immediately, the little groups hustled away, chatting on about their errands.

Before long, it was just me and Katniss left from the large group, standing in the town square. People rushed by us—some I knew, some I didn't, though most of them stared at us as they passed. Sadly enough, every single one of my old friends have been ignoring me. I'd pass them sometimes out walking and their eyes would slide right over me as if I was transparent. After the Games it was awkward. And now it was nonexistent.

"So…" Katniss exhaled, looking around with a somewhat bored expression.

Despite her despondent attitude, I tried to be positive. "Well, we've got this time to ourselves. Come on,"

She frowned, but let me take her hand and lead her out of the town square.

Things cheered up a bit after a while, thankfully. Katniss once again contented herself with taking my arm in both of her hands. It was nice when we were like this.

The town was bustling at midday. People were everywhere—in shops, running across the street, hurrying their children along the sidewalks. Kids from the richer part of District 12 zipped past each other on their bicycles, earning lots of yells from upset adults.

We just kind of wandered for a while, not talking often. A few times we were stopped by a passerby asking about the wedding, and Katniss was always the one who answered. After the fourth person confronted us, I decided to cut across some neighboring streets to make a beeline for District 12's only candy shop. We bought some and sat outside, just like old times.

Katniss had let go of my arm and had wrapped hers around her knees. "So, what do you think will happen after this?"

I copied her position and looked at her questioningly.

"After the wedding. What'll happen?"

A small pause.

"…I'm not too sure." I answered truthfully, sucking on a lemon disk of candy thoughtfully. "But hopefully it involves some normality. We'll get nine months to go back to being ourselves—hunting, painting, baking. But don't think I'll let you go out in the woods alone after a few months." My thoughts amused myself, but when I looked over at Katniss, she was frowning.

"Why divide it into months?" She puckered her brows.

"Nine for…" I was beginning to feel foolish, but dismissed that and shrugged. "Well, hopefully after nine months we'll have our hands ful with keeping Peeta Jr. safe."

She actually snorted, loud and wet-sounding, covering her face quickly with a hand. But when she pulled it away, it was obvious she was doing her best not to laugh. "Peeta Jr.? Seriously?"

So she wasn't angry. Good. I grinned as wide as I could at her. "Yes. It will be a boy, and we'll name him Peeta Jr."

She gave me a look as if I was insane, even though I was joking. "No. There can only be one Peeta at a time. No."

"No? I don't know, it sort of has a ring to it…" I laughed when she smacked my arm. "Well, since we're on the topic of kids and names…"

Katniss looked a bit reluctant. "I'm not even pregnant yet, Peeta. I don't want to count my chickens before they hatch."

Unable to help myself, I leaned down close to her ear, still smiling. "I like the name Christophe."

I wasn't sure if her expression was annoying or thoughtful. "…I like Tolliver."

"Tolliver?" Cute…

"But never mind." Katniss scrunched up her nose and looked defiant. "I said I didn't feel like talking about that right now."

I shook my head, still smiling, but said nothing.

We stayed there for another while. The tiny clock inside the sweet shop said it was two in the afternoon, so Katniss and I decided

We should spend the last three hours somewhere else besides the gravel in front of the candy store. I was pleased that she let us hold hands again. And on the way to where neither of us knew, something occurred to me.

"I haven't finished our cake yet…" I furrowed my brows, unsure whether or not I should be worried.

She glanced up at me. "Do you want to go there now? I can just tell everyone…"

"No, no." The image of the wedding cake came to mine and excitement bubbled inside me. She's bound to love it… "I only have a tiny bit more to do. I'll go tonight when it's closed."

Katniss nodded.

At three-thirty, we found ourselves lying on our backs in the grass at the edge of town. A few trees blocked the cobbler's shop from view, giving us a little piracy from prying eyes. Katniss wasn't touching me at all, but our fingers were just barely an inch apart. Her eyes were closed.

"Maybe we can go back to normal after this." She said, breaking the silence.

I turned to look at her, grass sliding on my cheek. "Yeah?"

"Yeah."

I felt content. Wanting to do more, I let our fingers touch and slipped my hand around hers. But she read my mind. Letting out a comfortable sigh, Katniss rolled onto her side resting her head on my chest.

I couldn't help it. A quiet laugh escaped my throat.

"What?" Katniss slid an arm under her and propped her chin up on it.

"Lean close." I beckoned jokily with my finger, a memory making me laugh again. Frowning, Katniss did so. "Closer. Not quite."

Her right cheek was not quite touching mine—ear close to my lips—when I stopped beckoning.

I allowed myself a small smile, and I whispered, "We're in love, so feel free to kiss me any time you want."

A pause, in which she was still in that position. Then Katniss laughed, and without waiting for anything, she kissed me, clumsily matching up our lips. As it always did when we kissed, my heart leaped up to my throat causing me to smile widely against her mouth with pleasure. I touched my thumb to her cheek.

But sadly, it lasted just a fraction of eternity. Katniss drew away, and I could see her smiling, too.

"Thanks." I gave her another, smaller peck on the lips. I think I needed that."

We both sat up. Somewhere in the distance, a bird was singing. It's song burbled a bit closer, and then it was only until Katniss pointed, I noticed it was on the tree almost directly above us. With long, sharp beak, black-and-white feathers, and ruffling it's wings excitedly was a mockingjay.

I looked at Katniss, and she lifted her chin. A clear, two-noted trill was sung in her beautiful voice, awaiting the birds' approval. The mockingjay just blinked. Beside me, Katniss tried again. This time, it was a four-note tune that sounded vaguely familiar. The bird liked this. It clicked its beak and sang it back.

Katniss smiled as the mockingjay said it again, and then took off, delighted with its new song, ready to share it with the other birds. We heard it all the way into the forest where it got lost in all the other forest noises.

I sighed quietly, content with maybe just watching Katniss like this for the rest of my life. But not two seconds later, she caught me staring and rolled her eyes.

"Come on," Bracing her hands on her knees, she stood up. "We should get going."

O didn't want to, but I got up anyways. Katniss let me put my arm around her waist as we peeked inside the cobblers. It smelled of wood and leather, and had all sorts of shoes stacked high to the ceiling. On the south wall, there was a scruffy analog clock that read "4:45".

"Shoot, we have to go," Katniss said, and we both rushed out.

From the edge of town to the square it took about 45 minutes walking. 15 at a sprint.

"I'll race you there," I said, letting a grin light up my face.

She put on a sly smile as well. "You're on." And she took off without waiting for me. Letting out a snort, I ran after.

Feet pounding against the gravel and dirt, we zipped around people, swerving in between buildings and shooting apologies out to less lucky passersbys. I caught up with Katniss about halfway there, lungs beginning to burn. She glanced sideways at me and flew ahead, dancing across the cobblestone. It looked like her feet weren't even touching the ground. She was _flying_. Trying not to laugh, I put on one last burst of speed that made me gasp and clutch my side when we finally got to the square.

I fell to my knees next to Katniss. She was laughing.

"They aren't even here yet." She said, winded, wiping her hand down her face.

I heaved a sigh and collapsed against the side of the butcher's place. "They'd better be soon. You sure your mother said five?"

"Yeah." Katniss sat against the butchers with me and flopped her head on my shoulder. "I win."

"Yes, you do."

We got about five minutes to breathe before the first part of our group showed up. Finnick was attempting to calm down Jace, who was screaming, while Annie was rummaging around in the diaper bag for something. When they saw me and Katniss, they came over immediately.

Finnick gave Jace to Katniss, who looked flustered, and he reached over to the diaper bag. Within ten seconds, he pulled out a funny-looking shawl. Annie took it and thanked him.

Finnick exhaled noisily and relaxed on the wall to my left. "Jace was hungry." He explained.

Sure enough, once the tiny pink baby was situated under the wrap and latched on to his mother, he stopped complaining.

It took another fifteen minutes for the rest to arrive. Prim was the third after Annie and Finnick. She was looking excited, as usual, and settled herself next to Katniss. Then Caroline, Ivy and Ms. Everdeen came. To my surprise, Ivy bypassed Katniss' lap and crawled onto mine, babbling on about the "preetttty" flowers. She smelled like them, too.

From there, everyone compares the thoroughness of which their errands were completed. All of them were thoroughly completed. Finnick described to Ms. Everdeen his idea for the "aisle" and explained how he already set everything up after talking to the last person on his guest list. Ms. Everdeen was extremely pleased. Prim had put Finnick, Jace's and Haymitch's suits in the hall closet in my house, and then the dresses for Caroline and Ms. Everdeen in their closet. It seemed as though nearly everything was in order.

Katniss was squeezing the life out of my arm, and I could feel her practically shivering with excitement. I put one of my hands over hers and felt the coldness of the pearl ring.

Ms. Everdeen took a deep breath and let it out. "And now to go home and fix dinner."

"No, Mother. You should rest a while before doing that. There's no rush." Primrose shook her head and gave her mother a look.

But Ms. Everdeen waved that off. "No resting until after the wedding. I'm fine, dear, don't worry."

There was a break in the conversation for a few minutes. Jace finished eating and the shawl was stored back in the diaper bag. I would have guessed Ivy had walked a lot, unable to be carried by anyone because their arms were full of flowers. She curled up in the crook of my elbow and nodded off.

A few minutes later, Katniss brought her legs to her chest and had an arm wrapped around them. "So what else is there to do for tomorrow, Mother?"

Ms. Everdeen brought out her trusty yellow notepad again and stared at it for a few seconds. "…I think that about covers it except for the schedule for in the morning. But we can go over that during dinner."

That's it? That's all that's left?

Katniss tightened her grip again on my left arm.

It was looming closer and closer, the wedding. It seemed as though with every passing day, we skipped two more. It felt like ages ago I proposed… But here we were. With my fiancée in one arm, a four-year-old redhead napping in the crook of my other. Finnick and Annie were here. The wedding was tomorrow. And I was unbelievably happy.

**oOo**

_Sorry for such a bad ending, but you would have hated it more if I'd drawn it out and so boringly described dinner and such. But to fill you in, after dinner Haymitch, Finnick (with Jace) and Peeta went to Peeta's house to prepare the groom (eek) and then the girls stayed at Ms. Everdeen's house to do the same with our bride. So OMG the wedding is next chapter! And don't worry about anything, I have got EVERYTHING under control._


	55. Chapter 55

_Thank you for your patience! Here is the moment we've all been waiting for: THE WEDDING! Read and review! :3_

**oOo**

"Katniss, it's time to get up!" A voice and a hand shaking my arm woke me up the next morning.

I groaned. My entire body was asleep from lying on the floor the entire night, and I didn't even get any _sleep_. It was a total rip-off, not sleeping during a sleepover. Of course, it was only some of the girls on the guest list the spent the night, but—

The guest list? The wedding.

My heart immediately quickened its pace. Today's the wedding. Today I'm marrying Peeta. Today, my life changes. It's happened so fast…

"Katniss, dear, you have to get up." My mother patted my cheek gently, and put her arm around my shoulders, lifting me up slightly. "Come on, hon. The sooner you get up the better."

I swallowed past the dry, anxious lump in my throat. "What time is it?"

"Seven in the morning."

Sighing, I sat up all the way and looked around, blinking through the blur of sleep left over on my eyes. Everyone except Prim was here in the living room, watching me arouse. Annie was sitting on the arm of the couch, brown hair pulled away from her face into a ponytail. She was smiling lightly. Caroline was sitting relatively close to Annie on the couch, thin arms wrapped around her small daughter, who sat in her lap.

Ivy giggled, exposing tiny white teeth. "Get up, sleepyhead." Except her juvenile speech made her pronounce it "sweepyhead".

I could help but smile slightly, and I opened my arms. Ivy and I had known each other for about a month, and during that time we had both grown fond of one another. No one thought it odd that Ivy hopped out of her mothers' arms and into mine.

"We get to wear the dresses! We get to wear the dresses!" She squealed, bouncing up and down in my lap, sending red curls of her hair bouncing with her.

I responded with a playful grin and poked her in the stomach. Ivy screeched with pleasure and leaped off me to go hide in Caroline's chest. She was laughing.

"Well, Primrose is getting your bath ready, Katniss, so we should be starting our day." Mother helped me get up, and once we were both standing (me about an inch or two taller than her), she began primping me. She brushed nonexistent dirt off the shoulder of my nightdress, adjusting the two braids I had put my hair back in. It was all pointless, really, because in just a few minutes I'd be taking off and undoing it all anyways.

Mother drew her hands back and beamed at me, pale blue eyes watering ever so slightly. "Today's the day, then, isn't it?" She said, taking a deep breath.

I avoided her gaze and nodded. There was no way she was more nervous than me; I could feel my heart galloping straight through the thin material of my gown, raging with the anticipation of this afternoon.

"You've never made me more proud." My mother looked like she was about to burst into a fit of tears, and I could see the other girls exiting the room quietly, leaving me to have a moment with my parent. Mother cupped my face with her small, wrinkled hands. "Not during the Games, nor the Quell. Not even when you killed Snow. Of course, all of those made me proud, but this…." She reached up a hand to wipe a stray tear from her cheek, and then brought it back to my face. "Seeing you happy is all I've ever wanted. And Peeta makes you happier than anything ever has. You've grown up so fast…"

She hastily pulled back her hands and took a sharp breath, wiping the motherly sadness from her face. "Never mind, that. We have work to do. Annie, Caroline, its okay for you three to come back in."

Strategically, at the same time Caroline, Ivy, and Annie came in, Primrose also appeared at the bathroom door.

"Your bath is ready, Katniss," Prim said to me with her usual dimpled grin, and then she turned to our mother. "The hair cream is under the sink, Mother. I finished it and put it there."

Hair cream?

"Thank you, Prim." And what I was dreading came sooner than I'd thought. "Let's go, Katniss."

I shuffled uncertainly with Mother to the bathroom, and, glancing behind me, I saw that Annie was following. But Caroline frowned, glancing down at her little daughter.

"Would she be alright staying in the living room, Caroline?" Mother noticed me looking.

Ivy started to whine. "Mama, I want to go with you."

Caroline looked helplessly from her daughter, up to my mother.

"I'll lend her some paper to draw on," I offered, and they accepted. So after taking a quick trip upstairs to grab a piece of paper and a pencil, I gave them both to Ivy, who looked extremely pleased with herself. She sat down right there on the floor and proceeded with drawing large, lopsided circles on the paper.

"Well, come on then, Katniss." Mother put a hand to my back and guided me into the bathroom.

I had been stripped and polished so many times before, I barely felt even slightly uncomfortable, knowing what I was brought in the bathroom to do. I tugged the nightdress over my head and stepped into the freshly made bath. Foamy white bubbles rose to the top and floated around nonchalantly as I stretched out in the warm water. Caroline, now unoccupied with her daughter, grabbed the bottle of mysterious 'hair cream' from under the sink and the dreaded process began.

Mother was lathering up flowery-smelling shampoo in my hair, working it all the way from the roots to the tips. Annie was in charge of my hands, sitting on the edge of the tub clipping and cleaning my fingernails, rubbing thick lotion into my hands almost violently. Primrose had disappeared to go get my dress and everything, so it could be ready when I got out. Caroline, who wasn't much of a talker, stayed quiet the whole way through, helping out by handing Annie and Mother anything they needed, while occasionally darting out to check on Ivy.

"We need her to still look like herself," Mother was either talking to herself or to Annie, but either way, they both nodded.

"Except still be more beautiful than normal." Annie spoke in her soft voice as usual, carefully working in the lotion with slim fingers. "To impress Peeta."

Both her and Mother smiled a bit at that moment, soft and small but lovely.

"Shaving and waxing is overdoing things just a little bit," Mother, with one hand supporting the back of my neck, used a large cup to pour water over my hair, rinsing it. "But the legs, possibly."

Annie nodded. "And underarms. Since the dress is a sleeveless."

They both nodded in unison, agreeing.

"How do you think the hair should be?" Mother had gotten done rinsing by then, but had just squirted a whole handful of the mysterious hair cream in her hand and now was working it into my roots. "Perhaps up in a bun? With strands framing her face?"

"Or in a braid down the back, so she's still recognizable."

I found it funny that they acted as though I wasn't fifteen inches from them, listening to every word they say.

"How about just down her back?" Caroline had come in from checking on Ivy, and she was holding a pair of cloth gloves. I silently prayed that they were for holding in the lotion and not for wearing at the wedding.

"Oh!" Mother nodded her head vigorously, liking the idea. "Perfect. A happy medium." She took a clean towel from the back of the toilet and wrapped it around my head. I noted that she hadn't rinsed the hair cream out. "Could you get her legs, Annie?"

Caroline and Mother chatted about my hair and makeup (which they agreed none, thank goodness), and Annie got out a packet of razors. I had to admit I was a tiny bit frightened of getting cut, but the careful fingers of Annie did not slip of hurt me in any way as all the soft down from my legs was shaved off. And finally, she tossed the last raiser (my third) into the trashcan and rinsed my legs with a less harsh lotion.

"The legs are done," She announced hesitantly, almost as if unsure to interrupt Caroline and Mother's conversation.

They were immediately brought out of whatever they were talking about, and work was once again under foot.

The cloth gloves were slipped onto my hands, and then gripped by Caroline. "Come on, Katniss."

I was hoisted out of the bathtub, and immediately wrapped in a thick towel. My head felt heavy from the towel and all that cream, and my hands felt slimy from the lotion being held in by the gloves.

Annie, Mother, and Prim (who had come back from her errand to the closet) toweled me off, and then hustled away to prepare everything in the living room. I then had a chance to look at myself in the mirror.

Thankfully, I was still Katniss Everdeen. I had an oval face, not-quite-full lips that were pink in the sense of no lipstick, dark grey eyes that were framed by no carefully done eyeliner or shadow. I had a freckle right under my lower lip and a very faint scar on my forehead from my days back in District 13. I looked frightened. Yep, that's Katniss Everdeen, alright.

Back before, in the Games, all of the dresses and outfits were so gossamer and exact, I wasn't allowed to wear anything under then. But I was completely relieved to be allowed (this time) to have something under my wedding dress. While the others were still in the living room, I pulled on a brassier and some underwear. Both scratched a bit, but oh well.

I could hear Caroline say quietly in the living room, "I'll take Ivy into the kitchen for a snack while you dress Katniss."

Mother agreed, and just two seconds later, she appeared at my side. "Well, come on, Katniss. No need to wait any longer." She looked almost as nervous as I felt. "Come on, dear."

Led by my mother's hand, I went into the living room self-consciously, but there wasn't anything to be afraid of, I told myself. Nothing at all. Routine told me what to do, and I lifted my arms. Soft, light material complied with my body, and slid down to rest on my shoulders. The place where a bit of material had bunched at my hips was released, and I smoothed my hands down the front of my wedding gown. It was light and simple, pearly white in color and just the right fit. From the back, I felt Mother gently tugging at the laces, tightening it just so I could breathe, but it held everything in and made me feel incredibly feminine. But I had no time to gawk over it; the towel had been tugged away from my head and now being combed out, but gently, so as not to get any hair on the gown.

Apparently, the hair cream stuff had been a type of conditioner, because it took only a minute or two to detangle it and I felt the oddest sensation. It was almost as if the hair itself was weightless, but I felt it brushing my bare shoulder. It felt cold, but not the wet kind of cold. The kind of fresh, clean, soft cold. It was completely dry, to my surprise.

While Annie got to work smoothing it down to position, I felt the slight scratch of material slide over my hands and wrap around my wrists. I looked down at where Primrose was buttoning up beautiful lace cuffs. They were so delicate, and went from halfway up to my elbow, down to my wrist, and ending in an elegant point on the back of my hands.

I was thankful we agreed beforehand that I was going to go barefoot, because if I had any types of heels on, I'd probably fall over on my face. _This was actually happening_. I told myself, fighting down nervous hysteria. _I was actually getting married_. This graceful white dress and these long lace cuffs were not just for show. Today is _the day_.

As Prim brought my hand back down to my side after putting on the last cuff, I felt it shaking. In fact, I was shaking all over. My legs were trembling, my shoulders were trembling, my hands were trembling, and my lips were trembling.

By then my hair was all smoothed out and perfect, and they all backed away to view me. Even Caroline had come back into the living room with Ivy, and they stood in front of me. And, one by one, I saw each of their jaws drop in awe. I shook even more.

Ivy was making a high pitched noise, like a quiet scream of ecstasy muffled by her fists that were jammed into her mouth. Tears appeared in Mother's eyes, and she didn't even reach to wipe them away from her cheeks. Annie was gazing at me in what seemed like a mixture of both pride and envy, and probably some awe jumbled in. Primrose was just looking happier than I had ever seen her, eyes shining bright and her hand over her mouth.

I looked down at the floor and felt myself blush under the gaze of them all. The silence was almost crushing, and I had to break it somehow. Lifting my head back up, I glanced at Mother. "When is Haymitch coming?"

Mother was forced to tear her eyes from her eldest daughter to look at the clock across the room. "Twenty minutes. We made it just on time." She stepped forwards just one step to touch her hand to my cheek. "You look so beautiful." We all allowed her a few seconds to be proud at me, and then she took a breath and shook her head. "Now it's time for the rest of us to get dressed."

The bridesmaid's dresses were hung up in the closet at the end of the hall, and Caroline went to get them. Ivy was still busy gawking.

In about forty-five seconds, Caroline came back with three identical dresses hanging on her arms. One was passed to Annie, who held it out as if it was going to shatter soon. Primrose took hers and brushed her hands over it in wonder. They went to go change in the two bathrooms on the first floor, and Caroline knelt down to help her little daughter into hers.

Ivy was cooperative, standing as still as possible as her mother took off her tiny corduroy dress and pulled the new one over her head. The bow was tied in the back and Ivy squealed happily, hugging the material to her chest. "I'm a princess!"

I let out a light laugh.

Soon after, Primrose and Annie came back from the bathrooms they were changing in and all three bridesmaids stood side-by-side, holding their chins high.

The dresses were dark green, with light frills down the neckline and exposing their arms. There was a seam making a diamond at the waist, and the material flared out, pleated, and all of them ended a little above the knees. It looked beautiful on each of them; it made Annie's hair look even darker and her eyes stand out, it made Prim's complexion fairer and her hair even more golden, and it just amplified every ounce of loveliness on Ivy, from her flaming red hair to her celery-green eyes. She was the only one not standing still.

"You all look beautiful." I said honestly, and reached out to pull Prim into a hug, catching Ivy's and Annie's shoulders too. I hugged them as tightly as my dress would allow, and then I drew back.

"Nothing compared to you, Katniss." Prim's exquisite face was streaked with see-through tears. "Peeta's so lucky."

I swallowed down my own sentiment and shook my head. "I should be saying the same about him. I don't even—"

A brisk knock on the door stopped me mid-sentence. We all glanced over as it opened, and Haymitch walked in. He was dashing and more sober than I've ever seen him, in a pair of black slacks and a dress jacket, hair actually washed for once in his life. He straightened his back and surveyed the living room before him.

Prim, Annie, Mother, and Caroline stepped backwards, which pretty much forced me to turn the rest of the way around, facing my old mentor straight-on. He studied me hard, from my bare feet to the smooth due of my hair. After pausing for a second, he said in a gruff voice, "Well, aren't you something."

I swallowed and tried to smile past my nervous tears. "You look nice, too, Haymitch."

He scoffed and waved this aside. "Never mind that. Everything is in order."

Mother tilted her head up. "Is everyone here already?"

Haymitch nodded. "The whole town. Channe's is ready out back, and Peeta's waiting."

My mouth fell open and my knees started to quiver. "They're ready _now_?"

He looked me square in the eye. "As soon as you are."

But Prim stepped forwards and put her hand on my arm. I'd thought she would save me from having to go out so early (I was about ready to pass out), but she didn't. "One more thing, Katniss."

She left the living room, but returned just a minute later with something in her hands. It was a chain of freshly picked daisies, looped into a head wreath. I bent down and let her put it on me. No bouquets this year, I thought. Just a wreath of daisies and legs of jelly.

Prim kissed me on the cheek. "Good luck, Katniss." She smiled once, and began walking towards the back door. Annie did the same, then Caroline with Ivy, and last but not least, Mother. She wiped the tears from her face and patted my cheek one last time, then left.

I wanted to whimper and reach out for her, begging her not to leave me, but I knew everyone else had to go join the crowd. It was just me and Haymitch left. There was a moment of silence between us. Then,

"You ready, sweetheart?" Haymitch asked, swallowing visibly. Though his voice was as crotchety as ever, there was no masking his nervousness.

I shook my head.

"Nonsense. Now…" He spun me facing him and put his finger under my chin. "Head high," He straightened my shoulder. "Shoulders back," With one last deep breath, he took one of my hands and put it in his own, both our elbows bent. "You're as ready as you'll ever be. Just remember,"

I looked up at him, either about to screech in excitement or vomit. My chin was trembling.

"Smile." And then Haymitch did something that completely caught me off guard. He bent over and kissed me on the top of my head. "Now come on, kiddo. Everyone's waiting."

I wasn't ready for what was about to happen. All I knew was that I was standing in front of the door, my fingers curled into a death grip on Haymitch's, preparing to step out onto the front porch and see. The whole town, a few thousand people, was out there waiting for me to come out. And when I did, they might clap. They might holler and hoot my name. They might scream and try to grab my hands. But all I could do was hold my chin high as Haymitch opened the door and led me out. I stared out at the scene before me.

Six thousand people stared back.

Children and adults were packed together like sardines, filling the separate lot of victor's houses completely, and could be visible way beyond the large houses. It felt like the reaping all over again, watching this many faces turn towards the front, towards their last hope. Tears gleamed in many of their eyes, and I waited for them to do something. Anything. But nothing happened.

For what seemed like weeks I stood there, watching and listening as thousands of heartbeat thrummed, and a thousand lungs filled and emptied; no one blinked. No one moved. No one even made a sound as they watched the Mockingjay watch them _back_. You could have heard a pin drop in the entire town, but no one dared drop anything. Their eyes were all trained on me.

Haymitch cleared his throat, so quiet I barely even heard it. He squeezed my hand once, and then we started down the porch steps.

As I was reassured before hand, the routine was this: Haymitch and I would appear on the porch and wait a few minutes for "the full effect of me" to soak in. Then we would walk down and turn left to head towards the back of the house. Except there's a line of specially chosen people to be making a line between me and the "aisle". They were there to make sure everyone stayed away from me and to let us get our bearings before they stepped aside and our decent down the aisle began.

We did exactly that.

My grip on Haymitch was deadly (and probably painful), but he didn't seem to mind that much as we made our way slowly through the space cleared by the people. There was a good two feet or so on either of our sides, and no one reached out to grasp my hand or touch my face. Originally I would have been thankful for that, but the only thing I could feel and hear in my head was static. Nervousness clung to my hands and back of my neck in the form of sweat, and the blood pounding in my ears was almost deafening.

As expected, the line of people was waiting there perpendicular to the so-called aisle. Haymitch stopped in front of them, allowing us both some time to swallow our nerves down. All four of the people—or I guess you could call them guards—were in their best clothing, and were chosen out of random. They weren't actual official guards; Mother just thought it would make things a little easier planning it this way since the curving of our path to the back of the house was a little awkward.

A second more passed, and then Haymitch nodded his head to the four people. They nodded back and parted.

I felt like passing out. Our backyard was completely full of flowers of every shape and color, hanging from the wall, potted on the ground, growing out of patches of rich black soil that weren't there yesterday. They blossomed and bloomed around one another, making the most of their designated space by glowing as bright as the sun. It looked as though I had just walked from a black-and-white film into a colored. My eyes burned. The town seemed to have leaked into the yard as well, pressing close to one another, trying to make the aisle as wide as possible. I noticed that every single one of them had their head turned to look back at me.

At the end of the aisle was an ornate wooden plinth, which was decorated with its own pretty flowers. Since weddings normally didn't happen here in District 12, no priests were in charge of the ceremony. Behind that plinth was our new mayor, Mayor Gray Channe. He's a neat-looking old fellow, with bushy white eyebrows and a distinct lack of hair on the top of his head. Mayor Channe looked ancient and traditional, not to mention the kind of geezer that would pucker his dentures at anyone who stepped foot on his lawn. But when I looked into his grey Seam eyes, he smiled kindly, and I immediately respected him.

From the crowd, I could see people I knew. There was Caroline, in her grey dress. She was smiling at me, eyes crinkling up kindly. There was Finnick holding Jace, and they were both absolutely adorable in matching white suits. There were people I knew back before the Games, people I only saw around. People from the Seam who I may have played with at one point earlier on in my life. But they all had one thing in common; their heads were turned back and all of their eyes were on me. It felt as though the weight of the world was pressing on my shoulders, but it was the kind of weight that made you feel powerful, like you could change the world. Maybe I had.

For a moment I just stared at them with pride, my town. From next to Caroline I saw Mother. She was already crying. I gave her the tiniest of nervous smiles, but from where my eyes traveled to next, there wasn't any stopping the strangled noise from clogging my throat.

In front and slightly to the right of the plinth was Peeta. He was wearing a smart grey suit, which was buttoned halfway up, exposing a white dress shirt. There was no tie or bow around his neck. Instead, the collar was open slightly in a casual way. His hair was trimmed neatly (as it needed to be done for quite some time) to his ears, and no longer hung in his eyes, which were flitting around impatiently. He was fiddling with his hands and shifting nervously from foot to foot. I was relieved he was as nervous as I was.

All of this was absorbed within the four seconds Haymitch paused at the beginning of the aisle. It was enough to get everyones attention (except Peeta's, who seemed too nervous to notice everyone glancing my way). But from somewhere in the crowd a speaker was tapped into function, and someone began singing the District 12 wedding song. I hadn't heard it since years ago, and this time, it was only being sung by one person, young by the sound of it. And the heartrending notes of the girl seemed to bring Peeta to his senses.

His head snapped up and he immediately stared down the stretch of green grass towards where Haymitch was beginning to walk me. Our eyes met with a certain locked frenzy.

Peeta smiled.

I squeaked.

He looked so handsome and perfect standing there; he seemed just as nervous as I was, grinning at me as if there was no one else. My throat stopped working and I swallowed hard to try to get it back up, to no avail.

The soft grass molded to my feet as the music began its ascending tone, sweeping over the motionless heads of the townspeople, swelling with every step I took. It was like a summer wind, brushing back my loose hair and filling me with this sweet, unexplainable scent. I took a split-second to glance at my hand, which was turning Haymitch's white. I'd have to apologize to him later.

We walked slowly, and I did as he told me; held my head high and put my shoulders back. Never mind the rising nervous hysteria or the tears pricking my eyes or the uncontrollable shaking I had started to get in my arms and legs. I breathed slow and deep, telling myself to stay conscious for Peeta. Just for Peeta. He was right there, only ten feet away. Seven…five…two…

Haymitch came to a halt in front of the plinth. All three of us were facing Mayor Channe, including Peeta. Thankfully, Haymitch kept hold of my hand even after we had stopped, so I still had someone there to keep me from tipping over. I knew I wasn't supposed to turn my head at all after we'd stopped, but I could help looking over at Peeta just one more time. He was breaking the rules too, looking at me as well. He caught my eye and smiled a second time. I fought the urge to yank away from my old mentor and throw my arms around him instead.

In a line a few feet away from the plinth were our bridesmaids. Annie had her hands folded in front of her, and she was smiling at someone in the spectators. Probably Finnick. Primrose was holding Ivy's hand, and she was squirming around impatiently as all four-year-olds did at weddings.

The singing died down and everyone grew still and silent to listen.

Mayor Channe cleared his throat and laced his hands in front of him. His strong, preacher-like voice rose over the heads of the people and could probably be heard from very far away. "As you all know, we are here today to bind Miss Katniss Everdeen and Mister Peeta Mellark with the vows of our forefathers. In the twelfth district of this country Panem, we may know not the wealth of the greater districts, nor the progression of the older ones. But we are great as ourselves and create our own light for others to muse for centuries,"

He paused to let the introductory words soak in, and there was a pause of silence. Someone near the back coughed.

"We know the history of our early fathers," The mayor glanced up at the sky, "and the telling of our late saviors," He glanced at Peeta, then at me in turn, "who have survived the most brutal games that could ever be played in the chronicle of mankind. As human beings, we know not to cherish these two people by the deeds they have done nor the records they may have helped write. We know them instead as people of this district, made solely for the purpose of staying with each other in sickness and in health, forever and a day, as long as life still continues to thrive on our illustrious planet."

I was frozen, listening to the vows I had nearly forgotten. I let them seep into my pores, and only let myself feel the happiness which came from the knowledge of those words being about me and Peeta.

Mayor Channe paused, looking around at everyone proudly, then continued. "They were made to comfort each other, to keep one another company in times of solitude, peace in times of war, gratitude in times of greed. They are not just to survive, but to love, and protect every minute they have together." He took a deep breath and tilted his chin a little further, as if directing the people more than Peeta and I. "Now, under the laws of this land and under the eyes of our people, I will solemnly and graciously bind these two citizens properly with full consent of their fellow kindred. If your wish not to be bound, or anyone else, speak now or forever hold your peace."

I held my breath and listened as the world stood still. Again, the silence was louder than the noise. I could hear my own heartbeat in my neck, but still, no one said anything. I slowly emptied my lungs.

The mayor then straightened his back and held both his wizened hands out in front of him. I felt Haymitch raise ours, and he gave my clammy hand one last reassuring squeeze before he placed it in Mayor Channes'. It was soft and light, like aged paper. Peeta's hand was placed in the mayor's other one. Here come the personal vows…the ones that seal it all. I held my breath again.

"Peeta Mellark," Channe cleared his throat and turned to Peeta with his monster eyebrows and soft Seam eyes. "You have known Miss Everdeen personally for about two years now. It has been rough, and no one can deny the effort or courage you put into seeing this through to the end. We've watched you grow from a boy to a man, and nothing makes a mayor more proud than watching the development of people like that.

"No one can doubt your love for Miss Everdeen, certainly not, but this is a full commitment that is not easily or usually backed out of. If you are ready to take on the full responsibility of the future Mellark household, do you swear by the honor of everything that is good, to love, respect, care for, and otherwise hold Katniss' trust and her heart in your own? Do you promise to stay with her in times of need, and treat her as you would yourself?"

I was doing my best not to make choking noises as my eyes trained to Peeta. He looked nervous, yes, but certain of his words.

"Even better. And yes, I do." His eyes were soft and he held his head high, but didn't neglect to glance sideways at me with a look that would have had me crying any other day. Bawling today. My breath began coming out in short gasps, tears pricking m eyes. I blinked them away hastily, and turned back to the mayor as he cleared his throat.

"Katniss Everdeen," Mayor Channe's hand tightened briefly on mine in acknowledgment. "You have known Mister Mellark for about two years now as well. There is no need to go into deeper, earlier details, but it is appropriate to say that having you here with us to share this glorious day of binding is really a blessing. Not only have you found _yourself_ in the past two years, you've found Peeta, and no one here can say you've ever been happier.

"If you are ready to take on the full responsibility of the Mellark title, do you swear by the honor of everything that is good that you will love, respect, care for, and otherwise hold Peeta's trust and his heart with your own? Do you promise to stay with him in times of need, and to treat him as you would yourself?"

It was as if someone poured cement down my throat. I swallowed several times and tried to breath, to do anything, but nothing would come out. My hands were shaking and I was on the verge of a major breakdown. But past the tears, past the jellied feeling in all my limbs, past my drumming heartbeat and prickly eyes, I managed to nod and say, "I promise."

The major nodded, and, without anyone speaking a word, brought his hands together and placed mine in Peeta's. I was thankful to note that his grip was just as tight as mine on Haymitch's felt, and I squeezed back.

Mayor Channe smiled his kind smile at us and raised his voice. The five words rang out louder and clearer than any of them, swelling into the sky. "Congratulations, Mr. and _Mrs_. Mellark."

In District 12, the initial vows didn't include a binding kiss at the end, so we just swallowed our fear and—still clutching each other's hands tightly—we turn around to face the crowd. For a split-second I thought they'd stay silent again, but it started with one. One person clapping. Two people. Ten people. Then the entirety of District Twelve erupted in applause. Rolling like a summer thunder storm, pouring over both Peeta and me, filling my chest and lungs and heart with the most wonderful feeling. No one opened their mouths and cheered or whistled. It was just clapping. It sounded like a thousand horses pounding the earth on a race to the edge of the earth, or maybe what Armageddon might sound like. But if this was the Armageddon, the end of the world felt a lot like the beginning for Peeta and I.

He bent down low and whispered in my ear. "You look beautiful."

I swallowed hard, and attempted a smile through the tears that were now inevitable. "You don't look so bad yourself."

Peeta laughed once, and paused, head tilted slightly to the left as he surveyed the pounding crowd. Then he bent towards me again. "They're applauding you, Katniss. Just listen. That's for you. That's for their Mockingjay."

But this time, I was pretty sure he was wrong. "It's for the both of us."

"It's never been for the both of us." Peeta didn't seem too upset about it. Though his body was turned towards the crowd, which was still thundering, his head was turn towards me. "It's always been that way. We were both 'on fire', but they chose you to be their savior. I've always been just another tribute."

I shook my head, unable to unglue my eyes from the thousands of people before me. "No, Peeta. That was our past. But now, today, it's the two of us. We're never going to be in this alone again. Starting now, it's going to be the both of us. And always will be."

When Peeta didn't respond right away, I tore my gaze from the people and looked up at him. He was smiling.

"You have no idea how long I've waiting for you to say that." And without another word, I was pulled into his arms and he kissed me.

If they had been applauding now, it was an all-out riot, screaming and waving hands and crying. People immediately reacted to the kiss. But my mind shut off, getting unnecessarily lost in the taste of Peeta's mouth.

"Come on," Peeta broke away all too soon. My brain barely worked when he took my head and began pulling me around towards the back of the house. The plan was, as we discussed last night, to get inside the house by the back door as soon after the vows as possible-only leaving time for a little applause in between. But when I had agreed to that, I had no idea people would act the way they were acting then. Men and Women flocked towards me and Peeta, reaching to touch our hands or shoulders. Right away, Haymitch was in between us and the crowd, shooing them back. And while things were getting sorted outside, there was supposed to be something like five minutes in which Peeta and I would be able to breathe, or in my case, maybe even cry a bit, before we'd have to act normal again during the reception.

Peeta had his arm around my shoulder and guided me into the house through the tall back door. Once it was shut, the screams and cried were muffled a great deal. Away from the noise and hustle, I really felt as though I was going to faint, but Peeta kept hold of me until we got past the kitchen and the hallway. He gathered me carefully against him before collapsing on the couch, with large sighs blown from our lungs. As I shivered, face pressed against PEeta's chest, he smoothed my hair back gently with his hand.

I didn't even feel like crying, which surprised me. Though my heart was heavy and fast with excitement, and my mind was reeling, everything should have made me want to just bury myself in Peeta and forget the world was watching as I released the stress and pressure. But I didn't cry. Not a single tear came as I sat awkwardly, enfolded in Peeta's arms, listening to him whisper in my ear, but not fully comprehending the words.

There was maybe three minutes in which we sat like that. And when those three minutes had passed, it was sudden and loud when we had to break away.

Mother came in from the back door, and without even bothering with our sort of private moment, she pulled both of us off the couch and into her arms. She held me in a tight embrace and gave me a kiss on the cheek, though it was watery because she was crying.

"My kids, my beautiful kids…" My mother wasn't very good at holding herself together when things like this happened. But I didn't resist her grip, and she let go to embrace Peeta just as tightly. "All grown-up and married and-and…" Mother kissed Peeta on the cheek as well and then pulled the both of us into yet another hug, squashing us so tightly together. "My kids…"

And just as quick as she had came and squeezed us, she let go and took a step back. "Oh, I'm being silly." She mopped at her eyes. "Oh, goodness…" And without another word, my mother turned and vanished into the hallway.

Peeta wrapped his arm around my waist as we watched her shuffle off. He looked sort of in wonder, but just as shining and happy. "She called us her kids."

Bringing my hand up to my eyes, I let out a wet laugh. "Of course, P—"

A knock on the door.

No, no. I wasn't ready for everyone to come in. I wasn't ready to be seen by anyone like this, on the verge of another breakdown. But despite my reluctance, Peeta kept hold of me so I wouldn't fall.

"Almost over, love. Hold it together for just a little while longer." He took a breath as well, and then pressed his lips to my temple. "They're here, so put on a big smile."

I did as I was told, and let him practically drag me over to the front door. Of course, _he_ was perfectly composed and beaming, though I noted by the tightness in which he held me that he might have been feeling as I did.

The door opened, and people came streaming in. Primrose immediately wrapped her arms around my waist, burying her face in the material of my dress.

"You're married, Katniss, _married_." She said, crying, and stumbled away to hug Peeta as well.

He seemed a bit flustered by everyone loving him just as much as they did me, but he responded to their embraces with equal love as a family member.

Then I was brought into Annie's arms, and after that, I wasn't sure who all I hugged. All I knew was that it took ages for people to stop hugging and kissing me, when finally I was able to look around at the guests. All of them were there as they should be. Benj and Anna-Mae stuck somewhat close to each other, looking slightly awkward but still happy. Greasy Sae hung off close to one wall holding a look of pride. Lucia Bennet was busy huddled near the couch with Mother—they had just met—and they were both comforting each other as they cried. The only people who I didn't see were Finnick and Haymitch (Jace was in Annie's arms). They must have stayed behind to see the rest of the people off on their way.

Caroline and Ivy were the last to come in. Ivy barely allowed her mother a chance to hug me before she climbed up into my arms, latched herself around my neck, and laughed as loud as she possibly could, wanting me to pay all the attention to her.

I swung Ivy around in a circle (accidentally hitting Peeta with her leg) and gave the sweet little girl a kiss on the head.

"You kiisssed!" Ivy giggled accusingly in a sing-song voice. "Ewwww you're married! And we're princesses!"

"You bet your buttons we are." I touched my finger to my nose, and then turned to Peeta, who was admiring the group like I was. I stuffed the little four-year-old into his arms. "Keep Peeta company, Ivy, I'll be right back."

The little girl agreed, and so I slinked into the crowd.

After squeezing through a gap in between Greasy Sae and Benj, I found myself next to Mother. She had calmed down her crying a bit by then, but only some.

"Mother, where's Haymitch?" I asked over the quiet roar of my guests chatting excitedly to one another.

"He should be here by now, actually." Mother wiped her eyes for the fourth time. "In fact…"

Straining to see where she was looking, I saw him. Haymitch was walking into the kitchen in a sort of secretive manner, holding two long-necked bottles awkwardly in each hand. I hoped he would have the decency not to get drunk in front of the children.

A hand snaked around my waist and I gave a small, surprised jump.

Peeta's eyes twinkled (though Ivy was no longer with him). "How is my bride?" He put his chin on my shoulder from behind.

I couldn't help but cough, knowing Mother was just a few feet from us. "…Er, she's…she's pretty shaken up."

"I'd imagine so." Peeta pulled away, keeping only one hand on me. "Do you want to see the cake?"

It was like magic, the way that things managed to get done right under my nose and I'd never notice. Was the cake in the kitchen? I hadn't seen it this morning…

I hopped up in down in place on the balls of my bare feet. "Yesss."

There obviously wasn't' really a moment of peace and privacy, because I was certain they were eavesdropping as we began shuffling our way through the crowd. How I knew was that everyone followed us to the kitchen door, murmuring excited words about the wedding cake. Finnick, who had reappeared with his family, had obviously met Benj and they were getting along fairly well. I could hear them snorting with laughter a few people behind me, and there wasn't any doubt about what they were laughing at.

"Come on," Peeta ignored our followers, keeping his shining eyes only on me. One arm stayed around my waist and the other opened the kitchen door. There wasn't any keeping everyone else out, so all thirteen of us filed into the kitchen to stand around a stand in the very center of the room where the table should have been.

A hush fell over everyone as they marveled.

Our wedding cake was center-stage, three layers and the purest of white color. Instead of fancy flowers or designs or fire, it was just smooth white, with deep green running the circumference of each layer, the one above it smaller than the last. The very top layer, which was about the same size as dinner plate, was edged in green, too. But on the white surface of frosting, there was one word: "_always"_

"Do you like it?" Peeta said finally, breaking the silence that hung over the group. "It was a hard decision, but I decided on that design in just barely enough time to get it finished. I hope it's okay."

I swallowed. "You hope it's…okay?" It wasn't just okay. It was perfect. Nothing fancy. Nothing too big or extravagant. Nothing cliché or mundane or impersonal or anything. Though the wording and figure was simple and plain, it was more than just a work of art. My thumb ran across the tiny engraving on the back of my pearl ring. Not only was the cake pretty, it meant the world to me. It let me know that he was actually thinking of me. I was speechless.

"Everything okay, Katniss?" Peeta was looking at me with a slightly concerned look crinkling his brows.

Aside from being on the verge of a mental breakdown, yeah, thanks.

I took a breath and nodded. "You…shouldn't have. This means…" A tiny squeak came from my throat and I quickly covered it up—and the tears—by giving a small couch. "This means the world to me, Peeta. Thank you."

Everyone around me cheered, and then it really felt like a celebration. Wine was poured and the cake was sliced, and everyone hung around either the kitchen or the living room, drinking and eating and attempting to get my attention somehow. I felt almost scandalous helping serve up the cake because it was no longer perfect and beautiful, but Peeta just nudged me in the hip with his own and fed me a bite cheerily.

It was like heaven was having a party in my mouth. Letting out choked laughter, I barely had time to swallow the bite before giving in to my overwhelming urge. I swept an arm around Peeta's neck and kissed him. He tasted like sugar and frosting.

What I hadn't realized, though, was our audience. Everyone had gone quiet and were shifting uncomfortably. Somebody near the door wolf-whistled and there was a burst of laughter _most _identifiable. Haymitch, Finnick and Benj were cracking up.

Feeling my cheeks grow warm, I broke away, unsure of what to do. What _could _you do when there were 11 people-all whom I know very well-crammed into my kitchen watching Peeta and I share a not-very-private kiss?

Ivy saved the day.

"EEWWWW, Caniss!" She turned and buried her face in her mother's dress even though the kiss was over.

Now everyone was laughing, and they all turned back to resume their previous conversations.

My face was still red and I sheepishly avoided Peeta's gaze. "...That was really awkward. Remind me to thank Ivy later."

"I don't know about you," He had an amused, exasperated look on as he put his arm casually around my waist. "But I'm grateful it's just our friends and family watching instead of the entire country."

He had a point. A very good, somewhat reassuring point. It made me feel better. Sighing, I took another bite of cake. It really was like heaven...

For a while, things went pretty much as planned. I laughed and ate cake and talked with just about everyone there. Ivy refused to leave my side, constantly in either Peeta's arms or mine. Benj decided that it wasn't the best idea to flirt with me when I was with Peeta on my wedding day, so he kept mostly polite. In a way, he reminded me of Finnick. Especially that look in his eyes, and the way he stuck close to Anna-Mae, talking to her when no one else was. He showed a soft side that Finnick showed with Annie.

When I passed Lucia, she was chatting away with Prim, holding a glass of white wine in one hand. Her eyes watered as she spoke, and occasionally, both her and my sister would burst out laughing. I smiled as I went past, and they grinned back.

"Oh no, look." Peeta nudged me with his free arm (Ivy occupied the other).

I glanced where he pointed and let out a laugh, quickly concealed by a snort. Haymitch was draped over one of the armchairs, a bottle of alcohol clutched in his fingers, dead to the world. His snores rattled the house, it seemed.

Peeta snickered. "Should we wake him up?"

"No," I was laughing, too. "Let him sleep. A drunken Haymitch grumpy from being woken up is the last thing we need."

"Heaven forbid Haymitch get drunk..."

We both snickered.

Full of cake and with the adrenaline rush maybe dwindling down a fraction, I was ready to get off my feet, but it was far from over.

"Katniss, honey."

I heard a voice and turned around when someone tapped my shoulder.

Lucia was standing there in her many-layered dress that looks like something women would have worn when the world was younger. She clasped her tiny, wrinkled hands together. "Congratulations."

She's said that maybe about twice already today, but I just smiled at her, inwardly thankful that the ancient woman hadn't let the alcohol get to her _that _much. "Thanks, Lucia."

"You've got yourself a fine one," The old lady chuckled and reached up to pat Peeta's cheek. "Very handsome."

"Yes." I couldn't help but laugh, giving Peeta a twinkly-eyed look.

Lucia beamed for another seconds, but then her eyebrows wrinkled together. "But, oh dear... I seem to have forgotten what I came over here to do. Hmm..." She scratched at a mole on her chin and it came to her. Lucia motioned for Ivy to get down from Peeta's arms. "Come, little bird. Your mother wants you."

"Aww..." Ivy whined, hugging Peeta's neck tighter.

"Go on." Peeta managed to disentangle the little girls' arms, and he set her down. "Help Primrose pick out the chip."

As Lucia guided her great-granddaughter away, I frowned. "Chip?"

"Music chip." My new husband's eyes shone merrily in the bright fluorescent lighting. "For dancing."

My heart shrank with nerves and I huffed disgruntle. _Dancing._ As if I didn't prove my atrocious skills on the Victory Tour, and that was _with _Panem watching, and having short lessons before. Now I'm sure to make a fool of myself.

"Oh, don't look so put out, Katniss." Peeta rolled his brilliant blue eyes to the ceiling, just as people began getting the hint. "It's just dancing."

Finnick, Benj and Greasy Sae began scooting furniture against the walls to prepare a large space in the middle of the living room. Haymitch refused to wake up, so it took all three of them to move the armchair-my old mentor and all. As I watched them with an amused smile, Prim materialized in front of me.

"This is so amazing, Katniss!" My little sister beamed, doing funny little skip-hops from one foot to another, unable to keep still. "Are you having fun?"

I had to grin at her. "That's one way of putting it." Peeta's arm snaked around my waist. "I'm sort of in shock."

Prim gave me a reassuring peck on the cheek. "We _all_ are, trust me. I re—"

"Primrose!" Mother, who was across the room, called.

With one last excited smile, my little sister ran after our mother. And not ten seconds after she left, a whistle sounded over the bobbing heads of my friends and family. As if on perfect cue, every single person stopped talking and shuffled against the walls, clearing out a huge space in the middle. Peeta's arm slid off my waist to lightly hold my hand, and just as he pressed his lips to my temple, music floated over us through invisible speakers. It started as a rolling drum and chimes, but then collided with a mixture of cellos, keyboard, chimes and quiet guitar. It swallowed up my heart and took my stomach over.

"This dance," Peeta paused to tilt his chin up at everyone, "belongs to us."

Though I had butterflies in my stomach, Iooked at the faces of my family, shining with pride, and I listened to the music, felt Peeta's steadiness. And when he began to lead me into the spotlight, I didn't resist. Peeta's hand curled right above my hipbone and he slipped his fingers in between mine.

As we began to dance, I let out a nervous choked noise, glancing around at all of the eyes upon Peeta and I. My face was warm.

When Peeta pulled me closer and our faces were just inches apart, I swallowed. "They're all watching us." My voice was just _barely_ audible, even to my own ears.

"Then close your eyes." He whispered back.

I did, severing myself from the peering eyes of my world. And suddenly, it was just Peeta and I. The music kept our feet to the floor and hearts inside our chests. And so we danced. Bodies moving with the waves of classical instruments, feeling our equal warmth being shared between us. I was spun and lifted into the air and dipped. Part of me didn't know _how_ to dance or what to do and was completely convinced I was making a total fool out of myself. But strangely, it came to me in Peeta's arms.

Slowly, as the music changed, people joined in on our dancing. Annie and Finnick were the first to join (Jace safely in my mother's arms) twirling along happily to the music. And then Benj took Anna-Mae's hand (she looked frightened and nervous, but she was smiling) and they danced, too. Since there weren't many guys there, everyone made due and had a blast. Eventually Haymitch woke up, and after cleaning himself up a bit in the bathroom, felt the need to join as well, and asked Greasy Sae to dance. They awkwardly went onto the makeshift dance floor and swayed to the beat. Primrose spun Ivy around, and Mother, Caroline and Lucia took turns bouncing Jace around while talking non-stop.

After the fourth song, Finnick tapped Peeta on the shoulder.

"May I have this dance?" He grinned widely at me.

Even _I_ had to admit Finnick looked very dashing in his tux and usual pretty-boy grin.

Peeta, who hadn't stopped smiling for a long while, did a little bow (I wasn't sure if it was meant to be mocking). "Of course." My hand was put in Finnick's own. From the corner of my eye I saw Peeta asking for a dance with my mother. Such a gentleman…

Finnick and I danced, and to my surprise, it felt like maybe I didn't make a fool of myself. In my head I pictured this beautiful woman in a lavishly layered hoop-dress floating around a giant ballroom with a handsomely dressed young man. I was pulled out of that fantasy when I accidentally stepped on Haymitch's foot.

After Finnick, I danced with Benj and then Primrose & Ivy, and even Jace. He drooled and raspberry-d the whole time, trying to eat my hair. The whole time I was dancing with other people, I kept a secret eye on my husband. He had danced with all the girls there, but I noticed he was keeping an eye on me, too. After I gave Jace back to his mother, Peeta's arms found me once again. He lifted my arm around my head and he spun me in a circle.

"Guess what." He said in a sing-song voice, toying with the laces on my back.

"Hm?" As the music slowed, I danced closer, both my hands on his shoulders, my face just barely three inches from his neck.

I felt Peeta's lips just barely touch my ear. "Twenty minutes left."

"What?" My head snapped away from his shoulder in surprise. "It's already nine-thirty?"

He gave me a quick peck on the nose. "Mmhm! Dunno about you, but I'm looking forward to going home after this."

Immediately, I knew what he was talking about. A blush crept on my cheeks, and I snuck a peek up at Peeta whole feeling my ears grow hot. He was looking down at me with an uncertain, hopeful look. He was biting his lip, obviously waiting for permission or for me to agree. I know I had like ten seconds to make that decision. Though, it was already as good as made, really. Just comprehending that we'd do it tonight just made me squirm with nervousness. Though I was unable to deny the other part of me that couldn't _wait_. That part embarrassed me.

Peeta was still looking down at me as we danced.

To put the smile back on his face, I reached up on my tiptoes and kissed him on the corner of his mouth. "Me too."

Peeta immediately perked up, his eyes crinkling at me. What I loved so much about him was that I never had to worry about him doing anything I didn't like, relationship-wise. He reminded me of a really faithful dog. He just wanted to please me, and he would never be disloyal. For instance, it just took two words from me to put that look in his eyes. This may be cheesy, but I really did feel like the luckiest person alive. Because there was only guy like Peeta. And he _is_ Peeta, and he's mine.

Out of pure blissful content, I wrapped my arms around Peeta's neck and held him in a tight, happy embrace.

He put his own arms around me in an adoring hold. "I love you, Katniss."

I could never get used to the jolt of my heart whenever he said that. Sighing, I buried my face in his hair, breathing in the clean scent. "Mm…love you, too."

And the words had never been truer.

**oOo**

_EEEK! Okay, okay, I was fighting with myself about how to end it, if I should include "that night" in the chapter or another, but like I said—I worked everything out and I got it under control. So with that amazing, incredibly-anticipated chapter done and read, there are thanks to get out._

_Thanks to my best friends who I've came to know incredibly well through fanfic. You have been such a help to me, I couldn't have done anything without you. And thanks to all of my regular reviewers. You guys have made a writer out of me._

_Now, I know it may not be very fair to…not bribe or blackmail, but as an experiment, I'm going to do to this what I did to the last. Let's see what we can do as a group, people. Let's see JUST how many reviews we can put up on the status. Record so far is 27 reviews for a single chapter. WHO'S READY TO BREAK THAT RECORD? The next chapter is the toasting and "that night". I know you all are excited about that, so tell me exactly HOW excited. ;);)_

_Thanks to everyone so far, and have a happy end-of-august or whatever! JJ_


	56. Chapter 56

_Okay, my beautiful people. First, I feel the need for an apology. See, I had only about ten seconds to update the wedding chapter and I REALLY wanted to get it up right then. So without even really reading through one last time like I usually do, or taking time with the A/N, I just tossed it in there. And I'm sure it looked really awful and choppy, but I'm really, HONESTLY grateful to those of you (99%) who said nice things about that chapter. So I can't thank you guys enough. It really was…amazing. Getting all of your feedback._

_And to that 1%, that one person who…well, to be frank really made me upset, that's fine. I understand your feelings, but you have yet to understand mine. I'm just a kid, no professional. I'm aware it's rough and plot-less and really awful or _whatever, _but you had no right to bring me down like you did after what I thought to be a serious accomplishment. I know I said I take constructive criticism, and I do, but that was uncalled for. So really, if you have nothing nice to say don't say anything at all. My mom told that to me when I was four years old, you should know that by now._

_Anyways, hope you like this chapter! It's "that night" teeheehee. I hope it's not TOO disappointing. At the end it seems odd, but just don't think it odd or awful, I'll explain everything at the end A/N. _

**oOo**  
At the end of everything, there were tears.

"I'm so happy for you two." Lucia said honestly, blowing her nose on a musty-looking handkerchief. "You make a lovely couple."

"Thank you, Lucia." I gave her a small kiss on the cheek as she stumbled out the door, bawling. Perhaps the amount of alcohol she had had something to do with it…

Next in line as everyone was filing out was Ivy—followed by Caroline.

Though Ivy knew it was time to go, she climbed up into my arms. "I wanna stay another night with Caniss, Momma."

Caroline shook her head. "Not tonight, baby. I'm sorry. Say goodbye to Peeta, too."

Ivy gave me a sloppy kiss on the cheek and was passed into Peeta's arms.

He tickled her stomach with one hand while making monster noises.

"No, _no_, Peeta!" The little girl screamed, and then burst into a fit of giggles when he stopped. She looked content staying latched around Peeta's neck all night, but shrank under her mother's stern gaze. Sheepishly, she sighed and gave my husband one of her slobbery kisses, too. "Buh-bye, Peeta!"

"See you, kiddo." Peeta adoringly flicked her in the nose and set her down.

"It was amazing today." Caroline put her thin arms around me in a tight hug. "Good luck to the both of you."

"Thanks." I hugged back, and gave her a small smile when she pulled away. "Thanks for helping so much."

Caroline gave Peeta a quick embrace, too. "It was honestly my pleasure. So I'll see you two sometime?"

Peeta nodded, relaxing a charming grin upon his face. "Definitely. God night, you two."

"Night-night Caniss!" Ivy called, grabbing on to her mother's hand and skipping outside.

A few seconds after those two left, Benj appeared with Anna-Mae at his side.

Benj grinned at me. "Quite a show you put on there, _Miss_ Mellark. What I'd give to b—"

Peeta cleared his throat loudly next to me, not even giving him a chance to make a fool of himself. "Thank you, Benjamin."

A choked laugh sounded from the other baker's throat. "Cool it, boss. Just saying congratulations."

Anna-Mae, who was sticking close behind Benj, nodded and lifted her chin slightly. "Yes, congratulations."

I gave both of them a brief hug, though we weren't too incredibly close. "Thanks, you two. We'll see you another time."

"'Bye." Benj gave me a small wink before protectively guiding Anna-Mae out into the purple dusk air.

Greasy Sae was after them, and then came Finnick with Annie and Jace.

"Hey, little man." I took Jace in my arms and bounced him a little bit. "You're getting so big."

Finnick puffed out his chest with obvious pride and put his arm lovingly around his wife's shoulder.

"The wedding was beautiful, Katniss." Annie said quietly with her usual sweet, tiny smile. "I am so happy for both of you."

I gave Jace a kiss on his soft baby forehead and put him in Peeta's arms. "Thank you. It's all sort of surreal, so…" I let out a nervous laugh.

Peeta stopped making faces at the little boy in his arms, and held him out. "You be good for your mother and father."

The baby made this loud spitting sound and smacked Peeta's arm with his fist.

"That's my boy." Peeta laughed and handed him back to Annie.

Finnick then wrapped me in a suffocating bear-hug, ruffling my hair affectionately. "We'll see you later, Fire Girl. _Behave_."

"You wish." I laughed and tried to smooth down my hair once he let me go.

Annie then gave me a one-armed hug, giving me a kiss on the cheek. "We won't leave for another week or so, so there's nothing to worry about. Good luck."

"Thanks." I gave them both a happy smile and watched them as they left hand-in-hand.

That was the last of them. I knew that right away because Mother and Prim burst out into tears, leaving Haymitch looking sick on the couch.

Prim wrapped her thin arms around me, but didn't say anything. Neither of us did. Her tears were shared with me as I started to sniffle as well.

"That was the longest ten hours I've ever seen in my life." My little sister finally said, pulling back and wiping her eyes. "But, _oh_. You're…" She sniffed loudly. "You're…married. And it was all so beautiful and perfect. Just-just watching you two dance and the vows were so perfect and everything…"

Haymitch had gotten up off the couch and had wandered over. Though he was obviously not feeling well at all from the alcohol, he stayed somewhat calm and put a reassuring hand on Prim's shoulder. "Let her breathe, kid. No need to go killing off the bride right after her wedding."

Primrose just sniffed and nodded, turning away. Peeta let go of my hand to go after Prim and comfort her.

It was Haymitch's turn to stand in front of me with words of the past few hours on the tip of his tongue.

The silence was getting so awkward after a minute, I had to swallow. "Thanks for coming, Haymitch. And…for walking me down the aisle."

Haymitch just shrugged, scratching his collarbone. "'Least I could do." A pause. "I have to say, though, that I'm glad you two got things worked out after all."

I spared a quick glance over at Peeta, who had taken on the role of awkwardly having his arms around my little sister as she sniveled against him as well. I looked back to Haymitch. "So am I."

There was a moment in which Haymitch seemed as though he may have been fighting with himself. But finally, one side won, because he coughed gruffly. "Well, I need to take care of this headache. It was…nice today."

I hesitantly gave my old mentor a hug, but felt the awkwardness melt a little when he hugged me back. "Thanks for everything, Haymitch."

"Any time, sweetheart." He said gruffly, and turned to Peeta. "Be good, you two."

Peeta was patting Primrose on the shoulder, but he looked over. "We'll try. Thanks for coming, Haymitch."

"See you two another time." Haymitch rubbed his head and shuffled out, wincing.

Mother had been standing in the same place since the last person had left. She was looking sad. But when Haymitch had disappeared, she decided to walk forwards finally and pull me and Peeta into another, gentler hug. "I'm proud of you two."

We both hugged back.

"Thanks, Mother." I said quietly.

Peeta hesitated awkwardly. "…Uh, yeah. Thanks, Ms. Everdeen."

Mother made a scoffing noise and pulled away. "No need to call me that anymore. I can be your mother, too."

"…Okay." Peeta laughed nervously.

There was a pregnant pause.

"Well, I suppose that is that." Mother straightened up, looking around at the living room. It was a mess, with the cushions from the couch sitting a little askew, with a couple of cups on the floor.

"We'll stay and help clean up." I decided, clearing my throat and beginning to turn around.

"No, no, dear." My mother grabbed my hand. "Don't. Prim and I will get that, don't you worry about it."

Peeta rubbed his chin. "Actually, I think she went to bed."

Blinking in surprise, I looked around. Sure enough, she was no longer standing a few feet from the armchair as she had been before.

"In that case, I'll just spend an extra hour or so." Mother just waved it off. "You two go back to your house. There's no need for you to be cleaning up other people's messes on your wedding night."

Peeta looked like he wanted to argue and help her, but I caught his eyes and just shook my head. He smiled a little bit.

"Okay, then, Mother." I let out a breath I'd been holding for the entire afternoon it seemed. One last hug was shared between us. "We'll see you tomorrow."

"Actually, I work tomorrow." She said airily, as though it didn't matter that she wouldn't get any sleep before. "And there's no need to rush."

"…Alright."

Peeta wrapped his arm around my waist, and I could feel his slight impatience through that simple touch. "Goodnight, Ms—uh…'Mother'." A blush appeared on his cheeks, but he just shrugged. "Tell Prim I said goodnight, too."

"From me, too."

"Okay." Mother gave me a quick kiss on the cheek, and then gave Peeta one as well. "Good night, you two."

"Goodnight, Mother." I touched my thumb under my eye were wetness was budding. But before it could turn out into a full-out flash flood, Peeta guided me carefully out of the house and into the crisp night air.

The walk was nice, but I was kind of cold in my flimsy dress. I had gathered it in my hands and lifted it slightly so it wouldn't skim the ground, and the memory of Effie popped up into my mind. _Not above the ankles, not above the ankles!_ What happened to her, I wondered.

"I don't even have any of my clothes here…" I yawned, though tiredness wasn't my problem. I bumped my shoulder against Peeta's.

A small grin—accompanied by a hint of red cheeks—appeared on Peeta's cheeks. "Actually, you don't need to worry about that, either. You would be surprised with how much can get done when you're asleep."

I frowned. "…While I was sleeping you moved my clothes. Okay. Anything else?"

He pretended to look contemplative. "Everything of yours, actually. And I even cleaned my room last night, too."

"Ooh, Peeta cleaning his room." I couldn't help but laugh. "That's one for the record books."

Peeta rolled his eyes, but said nothing.

When we got to the front porch, the door was opened for me and I stepped into his familiar house. It smelled like bread, as always, but there was also a piney sort of smell. I glanced around with a curious frown on my face until I saw the small stack of wood piled next to the fireplace.

Peeta noticed me looking and put his arm around my waist again. "We are doing to toasting, right?"

"Of course."

His blue eyes sparkled. "In that case, I'll be right back to get the bread ready. Hey," he stopped me right as I began turning towards the fireplace to wait. "You should change out of your dress so it doesn't accidentally catch on fire."

I couldn't help but smile, and I flicked his shoulder. "Smart boy."

He laughed and disappeared into the kitchen.

Feeling as light as a feather, I skipped upstairs and into Peeta's room. My clothes were in the wardrobe as promised, so I just tugged out my pink nighty and set it on the bed. Humming to myself, I twisted my hand behind myself to undo the dress…which has a corset back. I couldn't get it. Grunting with annoyance, I scooted around in a circle, attempting to undo the tie.

"Buh_…_" I made a loud, frustrated noise and hung my shoulders, frowning. This was bound to happen, stupid… Clearing my throat, I took a deep breath and yelled down the stairs. "_Hey, Peeta_?"

A minute-long pause, when the door opened and he stood in the doorway, putting an amused smirk on his face.

I tried not to blush as I turned around and showed him the impossible laces running up and down my back. "Help?"

Peeta let out a laugh and came over to me. "Poor helpless little girl…" He carefully undid the knot, but I just _knew_ he was still grinning.

"Just loosen it, don't take the lace out." I pointed out, glancing behind me.

"Mkay…" He caught his tongue between his teeth as he concentrated. After spending a minute or two tugging on the long ribbons holding together my pearly dress. When he finally loosened it enough to get it over my shoulder bones, he scoffed in triumph. "There you go."

"Thanks." It was awkward attempting to wriggle the flowing white dress over my head, but I noticed I had help. Peeta had pinched the material in between his fingers and was carefully easing it up. As the material slid over my head, I felt a fan of hair crackle with electricity.

As I pulled on the nighty, Peeta carefully put the dress on a hanger, covered it with plastic and stored it in the closet.

Free from the confinements of the suffocating, feminine piece of clothing, I heaved a great sigh of relief. Peeta was still amused as he took my hand and led me down the stairs.

"My skin itches all over from the satin." I complained, scratching at my collarbone where the lace had been.

Peeta turned to look at me and put his finger to his lips. "Sh."

I lifted my eyebrows, but suddenly realized. As we got off the stairs and headed into the living room, it had grown dark. And when we got into full-view of the large den, the fire was already going. Crackling and dancing, it cast golden shadows upon everything and bathed the place with warmth. I could feel it seep into my skin and fill my nose with the familiar smell. I couldn't help but let out an "Ahh…"

A smile stretched across Peeta's fine lips as he led us to in front of the fire. Carefully, we sat on the floor together. It wasn't weird for me to sit as close to him as possible, sharing his warmth, too.

"Here," With his free hand, Peeta took a long metal rod with a square of soft-looking bread on it and pressed it into my palm. "Would you like to go first?"

Suddenly, a sinking feeling filled my chest. I dropped my gaze, feeling a bit of dread stick into my throat. "I haven't…written anything. I don't know what to…to say."

"No worries." Peeta kissed me gently on the temple. That alone made me feel a bit better. "I haven't written anything before hand, either."

Relief flooded my throat.

"But you don't seem quite ready. Would you like me to go first?"

I nodded sheepishly.

"Okay…" Peeta cleared his throat loudly and released a long, low sigh. His body seemed to freeze as he stared into the fire. Golden licks of light illuminated his beautiful facial structure. His brows were slightly knit in thought.

The small pause turned into a long one, stretching on to ten minutes of utter stillness and silence.

Peeta ran a hand through his hair. "I never really imagined us doing this…"

"Same here…" I admitted quietly.

He glanced sideways at me and smiled. "But here we are. Before, I might have had my doubts, I'm ashamed to admit. I don't know what changed, but this is meant for us. We're meant for each other. And as long as you are okay with me being a stupid boy, and as long as you are okay with our lives staying a soap opera, I'm open. I'm all yours, if you'll have me."

Were those his vows? I knew they were supposed to be relatively short, but considering Peeta's Peeta, I would have expected something a bit longer. But that was fine with me. I felt my mouth stretch and I felt my shoulders lean a little more into his. "I'll have you."

He pressed his lips to my cheek and I could feel his smile against my skin. "Good." Still smiling, he took his slender rod and carefully rested the chunk of bread just right above the flame. It crackled and I could smell its buttery outside cooking. When it was a perfect golden brown color, Peeta took it away from the flames and blew on it. "Open wide. It isn't too hot."

I tried to stop from grinning as I saw his eyes twinkle. Nodding my head, I gracelessly opened my mouth. The bread tasted sweet. "Mm." I couldn't help but laugh. The nerves must have been getting to me, because suddenly everything was funny. Peeta's look especially. His nose was crinkling up.

"You okay, Katniss?" Peeta was laughing, too.

I snorted back some more laughter and nodded. "Y-Yeah, I'm sorry." Wiping the grin off of my face as well as possible, I cleared my throat and wielded my stick and piece of bread like a sword. Vows… Hm… Peeta's were great, but that was because he was so eloquent. Why couldn't I be that well-expressed? Sighing, I bit my lip, thinking of what to say.

It must have taken longer for me to think than it had for Peeta. We had to put more wood on the fire before I thought of something. After it had been restocked, I just relaxed my shoulders and stared into the fire. I watched the tongues of flame dance around, turning from red to orange to yellow and gold. I watched them leap back and forth, I felt their warmth, I saw how they consumed the wood and turned it black just like that.

Sighing, I dropped my gaze. "…Well, first I want to say sorry f—"

"NO." Peeta smacked his hand over my mouth suddenly, making me jump with surprise. "No apologizing, Katniss. Try again."

When he took his hand away, I was grinning my face off. "I'm still sorr—"

"Shush!" Peeta put his hand over my mouth again, but he was laughing.

I scrambled at the hand over my mouth, giggling. "Get off, Peeta! Get off!"

"Don't apologize." He said, eyes twinkling in the firelight.

"Fine, fine!" I finally agreed, taking his hand away from my mouth. "I won't say that I'm sorry for everything I've done and that I'm sorry for being such an inconsiderate jerk."

Peeta gave me a look.

I win. Grinning smugly, I put my bit of bread in the fire. Now for…serious. Serious vows…"But I realized that in the Games I _did_ love you, but it wasn't good enough for the cameras or for you. It was my own twisted way. But thank goodness I came to my senses and decided just how much I love you _right now_. It's still a twisted love, but I never want you to underestimate it. So as long as _you_ put up with _me_, I'm open, too. I'm yours."

Peeta was holding my gaze with his own indescribably happy one. It looked like he couldn't even speak. His mouth was stretched into a huge, beautiful smile, and his eyes were twinkling and crinkled and sparkling at me. For just a split-second he looked away to watch the piece of bread on the end of my metal stick. His face dropped. "Um, Katniss,"

I looked at the bit of bread. It was on fire. Letting out an alarmed squeak, I took it out and blew out the own little campfire that had grew on its darkened skin. Glancing at it, I saw it wasn't _too_ scorched. Feeling heat creep into my cheeks, I just shook my head and held up the bit of toast.

"If you'll have me." I offered it to him.

Peeta caught it between his teeth and didn't even complain about the burnt crust. "Of course I'll have you."

I might have labeled the following silence awkward, but it only lasted for a few seconds before Peeta took my hand and pulled me into his chest. It was hard from his bakery job, but comfortable and smelled good. I felt him bury his face in my hair and wrap his arms tightly around my waist.

Peeta sighed, tickling my neck. "Don't know about you, but I don't feel like going to bed quite yet."

I lifted my head off his shoulder and tucked a bit of my hair behind my ear in an attempt to be casual. "Then what should we do?"

"…I think I'll just sit here with you." He gave me a kiss on the nose. "Trying to make the feeling of today last as long as possible."

I knew what he meant…Feeling each other's anxiety through clenched hands as we listened to Mayor Channe's powerful voice. The waves of vitality crashing over us in waves from the audience…that sense of strength and belonging was immeasurable. And that's not even considering the fact that Peeta and I are _married_. Married! After everything that's happened to us. So, yes, I did know what he meant. In fact, I was unnaturally thrilled. I felt giddy and amorous, almost to the point of being embarrassed about it. Surely Peeta wouldn't mine… He's _Peeta_.

Trying not to grin like an idiot, I stretched up my neck and pressed my lips to his.

But Peeta snaked a hand around my neck and I could no longer call the kiss "small". Lifting my eyebrows in surprise and pleasure, I went with it. To his touch, I matched my own, running my thumb along his soft cheekbone. Our lips parted and I could taste Peeta's sugary breath in the back of my own throat.

The fire was going out behind us. There were just coals, glowing neon orange and warm, seemingly pulsing with their own little heartbeats. They lit up the room so where you could just _barely_ see your way around.

I could feel my heart skip rapidly as the tip of Peeta's tongue pressed hesitantly against mine. I couldn't take it anymore.

Laughing, I skipped up to my feet. "Race you to the master bedroom," And I left, abandoning Peeta and his dazed, slightly confused look stumbling after.

Feeling thrilled and completely not myself, I sprinted to the door of the master bed in my pink night and zipped into it.

But before I could dance at my victory, Peeta caught up with me and swept me into the air by the waist. Letting out a cry of surprise, I half-heatedly squirmed around as he spun me in a circle.

"Peeta!" I laughing accusingly, wrapping my arms and legs around him because I was getting dizzy.

Finally, he stopped spinning me enough so where I could slip out of his grip and scramble onto the end of the bed farthest from him.

"Augh!" Peeta let out a noise of fake-annoyance and went after me with a seemingly exasperated grin on. "Why won't you stay still?"

For his sake, I didn't wriggle away from his arms when he put his hands on my hips and pressed me into the expensive pattered bedspread.

"Wait, wait." I waved for him to stop, trying hard not to giggle. When he looked curiously at me, I sat up. "We really don't want your nice new jacket to get wrinkled." Biting my tongue in an effort to stay somewhat calm-faced, I gently eased his pretty grey dress jacket off and reached over to drape it carefully over the back of a chair nearby the bed.

Peeta grinning in exaggerated gratitude and gave me a kiss on the forehead. "You're so considerate."

Since we were both sitting up, I took advantage of that and wrapped my arms around Peeta's neck. Our bodies aligned clumsily—shoulders to shoulders, chests to chests. Both my legs straddled his lap, but the only immediate guilt or regret I felt was that at that moment, everything was so ungainly and laughable. But I thanked him for not caring.

He responded whole-heartedly by deepening the kiss a great deal and sliding his hands up my back. I loved how _warm_ he felt, how I could lost myself in the sheer softness of his skin.

"I suppose it's unnecessary to ask what your intentions are." Peeta said breathlessly, pulling away for a brief moment to look into my eyes.

The nerves and ecstasy pulled an inevitable grin on my face. "I could say the same about _you_."

He laughed evilly and ducked his head to kiss the nape of my neck. "Is that a bad thing?"

I absentmindedly followed his shirt collar with the tip of my index finger. "I don't think so, since it's the same for both of us."

"Excellent." Peeta gave me another kiss and hitched me higher on his hips.

All I had to say was that it was an honest shame that no one had ever used that bed before. It was insanely comfortable, as Peeta pointed out, before we both burst out in laughter, and it took yet another hour for us to calm down. In fact, the whole night went something like that. Every hour or so, something was said, and its funniness would be amplified from the moment and we'd go insane. I couldn't even count the times I had blushed or smacked Peeta's arm at something he said.

Since there was no window in the master bedroom, there was no keeping track of time by daylight. And neither of us felt like looking at the clock—which hung directly above the bed; So we just decided not to care about how long we were up, but I was positive it was well into the morning when we finally nestled under the covers together, exhausted, and went to sleep.

I woke up at some unknown time later with drool on my cheek and feeling a little sore. My shin throbbed where I accidentally banged it against the bed post, my stomach ached from having barely eaten anything in the past two days, my neck was stiff from falling asleep in that certain position.

Letting out a tired sigh, I peeled open my eyes and looked up at Peeta. His head was lolled over on his shoulder closest to me, and he was snoring his charming little grunt-snore. There was an almost invisible purple line on his bottom lip where it had been bit. Which one of us bit it was beyond me. My head was feeling bloated and foggy; there was no way I could remember my own name, nevertheless that…

Not wanting to get up, I contented with snuggling back against Peeta, absentmindedly tracing the muscle lines on his torso. I felt the definition of each of his abdomen muscles, hard as rock. My finger traced up between his pectoral muscles and across his collarbone. Honestly—_honestly—_he was a beautiful person. At first glance he might seem like just another blond-haired-blue-eyed town boy, but until you spend the majority of you time with him, you wouldn't otherwise notice just how unique he was. Like the way his nose scrunches up with he laughs, or how he runs his hand through his hair when he's annoyed, or the way his skin turns gold in the light of a sunset.

Releasing a happy sigh, I reached up my arms and put them around Peeta's neck and kissed him on the cheek. "Wake uuuppp," I said quietly in a sing-song voice.

Peeta woke immediately and turned on his side to put his arms around me as well. He pressed his lips to my forehead. "Good morning to you, too."

Now that he was awake, I felt slightly victorious and snuggled into his chest.

When he laughed, it shook his shoulders. "I take it you didn't wake me up for one particular reason?"

I propped my chin up on a fist and raised my eyebrows simply. "I woke up and wanted you to be awake, too. Isn't that reason enough?"

Peeta's fingers tickled my bare hip. "Of course it is."

Content with that brief exchange of words, we both settled back down.

But sadly, I didn't get ten seconds to relax before that stupid little voice in my head prodded me again.

_Hey. Hey, you don't have any clothes down here. You know, even though it is _technically _your honeymoon, I wouldn't find any joy skipping up the stairs in the nude. Just saying._

I cursed that voice for annoying me with such irrelevant points. I wouldn't be able to skip up the stairs naked anyways. Never mind the "naked" part, my body in general was just a total mess.

I lifted my head off of Peeta's shoulder. "Hey, Peeta?"

He opened his eyes and touched my cheek softly. "Hm?"

"Do you mind if I borrow your underclothes real quick?" Asking him brought on a red face, of course, but I only had to ask because…well, I'm embarrassed to say that my nice pink nightgown got torn a bit last night.

Peeta was unable to stop laughing for a while. His nose wrinkled up between his eyes and his chest quivered with every uncontrollable guffaw. In the end he had to take his arms away from me and sit up to breathe.

I sat up with him, only slightly annoyed.

"Yes, Katniss, you may." He rubbed at his teary eyes.

Feeling slightly self-conscious, I wriggled my legs out from under the covers and sat on the edge of the bed.

"If I can ask, why do you need them?"

Peeta's eyes hadn't left me—and I knew it—making me even _more_ self-conscious as I pulled on his undershorts that were lying a foot away on the floor. "I'm going upstairs to get more clothes for after a shower."

"Why, though?" His expression was both amused and genuinely curious. "If we're just going to be taking them off again."

I noted how he said "we're" and smacked his shoulder.

Peeta laughed again. Did he really _enjoy_ getting smacked, or was it just my particular reaction he took pleasure in? Either way, he seemed to be having the time of his life, sitting there giggling like a little school girl.

"Compromise." His eyes twinkled. "You give me back my boxers and start your shower, and I'll go get you a robe from our room."

That didn't sound _too_ awful. So I complied, and spun my finger in a little circle to him. "Turn around." Him watching me undress made me squeamish, no matter _what_ happened last night.

"You're impossible…" Peeta did as I asked, but not before he rolled his eyes. "You know, we're going to be forty someday with five kids and a perfectly normal sex life, and you're still not going to be able to undress in front of me, even _after_ things like this happen."

"Of course not."

Shuffling into the bathroom and closing the door halfway, I stripped off the shorts and threw them at Peeta. They hit him on the face just as he turned to look at me. "Now go get me some clothes, you worthless boy."

Suddenly, the painful memory of Cinna popped up in my head and I had to shake my head and turn on the shower to drown out the hurt.

Not one minute later (I had just stepped under the spray) there was a knock on the sliding glass door of the shower/ through the slightly blurred pane, I could see Peeta's warped figure standing on the other side. Shaking water out of my eyes, I poked my head out.

Peeta, of course, was standing there, in his boxers, carrying a bundle of material in his hands. He acted casual and set the pile on the counter next to the sink. "I'll just set these here, Katniss."

"…Thanks."

Silence.

Peeta was just standing there in his undershorts, rocking back and forth while every now and then glancing at me. I hadn't gone completely back in the shower either, hesitating. It was obvious the reasoning, I shouldn't have to question it.

I tried to keep the blush out of my cheeks and I shifted slightly behind the wavy glass door. "You can, uh…join me, I-I suppose… If you want…" Before he could accept, I zipped back into the stall and turned on the hot water full-blast to make as much steam as possible.

"Ow! GOD." Peeta cursed when he stepped in, hopping away from the stream in surprise. "Do you always shower this hot?"

My skin felt like it was boiling, which brought back unwanted, violent memories, so I turn the water temperature back to normal. Goodbye helpful, modest steam… "No, I don't."

The water was nice and cool now, running down our backs in rivulets. I was watching Peeta curiously as he enjoyed the shower, splashing it on his face and wetting his hair. But he caught me staring and gave me a comical raised-eyebrow look.

"You seem uncomfortable, Katniss." Peeta noted, cocking his head questioningly. "Is something wrong?"

"No, everything's fine!" When I blinked up at him, I was unhappy to note that the light was gone from his eyes, replaced by concern. I didn't want the light to go out, especially after such a good night. No matter _how_ hard, I forced away my shy feelings completely and put my hands on Peeta's shoulders to kiss him.

"Augh," Peeta chuckled. "Wet." Briefly pulling away, he used a thumb and ran it across my lips before kissing me again.

After that, I didn't feel awkward anymore. It was perfectly fine and normal.

We scrubbed away last night with loofas and pine-scented body wash, and I even got the opportunity to smack him again.

"I think this is the first time we've showered together since that August." Peeta pointed out as I was rinsing shampoo from my hair. "But that didn't really count, did it?"

"No, not really, no." I wrung the water out of my hair. "This is much nicer since we're not in solitary confinement." I really hated thinking about those weeks, but if I put it into perspective, they weren't _near_ as horrible as the weeks in the Capitol. I was grateful.

A laugh. "Yeah."

Just as I was turning off the spray, I caught Peeta slipping out. But the second I stepped out of the stall, he had a huge, fluffy towel waiting for me. He wrapped it under my arms and—holding it at my left side with his hand—kissed the top of my head.

Pink crept onto my cheeks at his adoring touch. Peeta just smiled and put a towel around his own waist.

"Ooh, look at your hair!" He said suddenly, catching my reflection in the giant bathroom mirror. I looked, too, and saw it a complete bird's nest, piled on top of my head messily, but Peeta didn't seem to find it as repulsive as I did. He played with it jovially. "It's so beautiful."

I ducked away from his touch, fighting a grin. "Shut up, will y—?" My eyes suddenly caught something in the reflection that caused a serious double-take. Frowning, I leaned closer to the mirror, brushing away a lock of hair that covered…maybe a shadow. No…it was an odd-shaped purple mark. I immediately clapped my hand over it and felt the rush of beet-red upon my face. "_Peeetaa," _My whine was accusing.

Peeta laughed out loud, forcing my hand away from my neck to look at the mortifying purple mark. "It's not that noticeable."

"Oh, sure it's not…" I grumbled. It really _was_ noticeable. Obviously, I wasn't upset at him enough to scowl for _too_ long, but I allowed myself to smack him on the shoulder and get on with my life

He was grinning. "Honestly, Katniss—oh, here's another!"

I made a loud, guttural noise of frustration and annoyance as he pointed out another one under my left ear. _Stop that_, I wanted to hiss, scooting away from him. I was embarrassed enough. Hunching away from him, I sniffed and took a look at the second splotch that was so willingly pointed out. "God damn you, Peeta."

That just made him cackle, and surprise me by burying his face in my neck. "Third time's a charm!"

I swatted him away. "Jeez, what's up with you today?" Though as soon as it came from my mouth, I realized it was a stupid question.

But to my surprise, Peeta didn't act in jest. His eyes softened affectionately and he put his arms around my waist. "I'm sorry." He pressed his lips to mine. "I just married the girl of my dreams, that's all."

That's so…cheesy. As usual, his words made me blush, but I couldn't say anything. The way he was looking at me just clogged my throat and filled my stomach with the euphoric rush of butterflies. At this rate, I'll never be able to act normal around him.

Sighing, I just hung my towel on the rack and slipped the silken robe over my shoulders.

After Peeta put on his pair of pajama bottoms, he draped his arm over my shoulders and we wandered out of the bedroom. "How does breakfast sound?"

I pretended to think, but gave up and briefly leaned my head on his shoulder. "It sounds great, thank you."

Peeta kissed me on the top of the head. "I love you, you know that?"

A smile crept up onto my face. "Always."

The rest of the week went like that. It was relaxing and comfortable lounging around the entire time. When we weren't huddled under the covers of the master bedroom, we were talking cross-legged on the couch or in the kitchen baking. No one knocked on the door or called. Though it wasn't much of a substitute for a "fancy honeymoon", it belonged to us. We didn't even keep track of time, but when we finally poked our heads out into the real world, it had been eight days.

May 20th.

How time flies when you're having the time of your life. I just smiled to myself and let Peeta put his arms around me. There was nothing to worry about now. I had all that I needed.

**oOo**

_Okay guys. A little before the end, I decided something. You noticed how rushed it got at the end? I decided to put you guys out of your misery. I've realized how much I've dragged everything on, and this is my way of apologizing. By explaining the rest of the week and whatnot, it would get boring. You know it, don't pretend otherwise. So instead of dragging ANYTHING on ANY LONGER, this is where I say "all good things come to an end". _

_Yes. I do mean this story. Now, I'm writing one more chapter (excluding my very last message to the readers) that is more or less necessary to read. It is going to be incredibly short and self-explanatory, but a gentle goodbye. No more dragging out, okay? _

_So review to this one and read the next if you see fit, I will see you guys in a few!_


	57. Chapter 57

It was a beautiful summer day. Peeta and I were laying on our backs, looking up at the clouds in the sky, meadow grass tickling the air in the light breeze. I held Peeta's hand in mine, and he held mine in his.

"We're lucky Annie and Finnick can stay longer." Peeta's voice broke through the velvety layer of silence.

I turned my head towards him. "Yeah…. Though two weeks isn't a lot, it's definitely something. I'm going to hate to see Jace leave."

After agreeing, there was a moment of peace.

Peeta's hand tightened. "What do you think of everything happening?"

"…What do you mean?"

"The missing victors."

I frowned. That was certainly a conundrum, no doubt. Within just two weeks, a total of seven people have been reported missing, kept track of and announced by District 13. There were two from District 2, one from four, seven and eight, and another two from 10. With all cases, their families came up with legitimate excuses, so no one found it odd. Very few even recognize that all of them were previous Hunger Games victors. That was the oddest thing, but no one really gave it a second thought. Disappearances weren't completely unnatural in Panem.

"We'll never know. "I said simply, too in peace to want to be concerned over anything that wasn't out of the ordinary.

Peeta shrugged. "Yeah…"

Yet another pause.

A cloud above us shifted in front of the sun momentarily. It was the shape of a turtle. When it moved and the sun rays seeped once again over our faces, Peeta turned over on his side. He spread his hand out on my stomach.

"How long until we know for sure you're pregnant?" His voice was soft and slightly eager.

I didn't blame him. Closing my eyes, I used my fingers to count.

With the answer, I smiled and settled back against him. "The thirtieth, give or take a few days."

Through his fingers, I could have sworn I felt Peeta's hear skip a beat as he grinned in excitement. "That's in a week!"

"Mmhm."

A bear-shaped cloud dissolved above us and a fly landed on my cheek. Yes. A week. I hoped this time it worked… Like Peeta said, third time's a charm. Though that was somewhat vulgar am example, but there was no need to worry about things like that when you're married.

Peeta turned his head towards me and gave me a kiss. His lips molded softly to mine and I could taste the sugar, the taste of the rest of my life. Smiling against his mouth, I fluttered my eyes closed. If only an eternity.

_What if a much of a which was wind_

_Gives truth to a summer's lie_

_Bloodies with dizzying leaves the sun_

_And yanks immortal stars awry?_

"Peeta! Caniss!" Ivy came running towards us, leaping onto my stomach so suddenly, I had to break away from Peeta to groan. The little girl had something clamped in her fingers.

I sat up, feeling the ache in my stomach. Peeta sat up, too, and we both leaned in to see what Ivy was holding. Slowly, she uncurled her fingers to reveal a tiny pink flower. Its sweet scent washed over us.

With both hands under Ivy's, I held it up to my face to breathe. "Cherry blossom."

_Blow king to beggar and queen to seem_

_(blow friend to fiend: blow space to time)_

—_When skies are hanged and oceans drowned_

_The single secret will still be man_

Giggling, Ivy sucked in a breath and released it. Her gust of air sent the blossom tumbling from her fingers.

_What if a keen of a lean wind flays_

_Screaming hills with sleet and snow_

_Strangled valleys by ropes of thin_

_And stifles forests in white ago?_

Ivy laughed and clambered off of my lap after it. The rustle of grass and the sweet scent of the flower was the only indicator that she'd been there at all.

Peeta sighed next to me and curled his arm around my waist. "Even if you weren't able, Katniss, just understand that you already have a family."

My gaze cast out over the luscious waving meadow, rippling in the wind.

"People who love you."

_Blow hope to terror; blow seeing to blind_

_(blow pity to envy and soul to mind)_

—_Whose hearts are mountains, roots are trees_

_It's they shall cry hello to spring_

I just swallowed and nodded. He was right, as always. I knew I have a family here. Everything was alright. I've got Jace and Ivy to swoon over, and Peeta to snuggle up against on cold nights. I've got Mother and Prim for their support and easing the world off my shoulders.

From the corner of my eye, I saw Peeta reach over to his left and tug something from the ground. Grinning, he held out a dandelion to me. It was dry and had little feather-seeds threatening to fly away in the current of air.

Feeling the knot in my throat ease, I leaned over to kiss Peeta.

_What if a dawn of a doom of a dream_

_Bites the universe in two_

_Peels forever out of his grave_

_And sprinkles nowhere with me and you_

His fingers closed around mine, which were closed around the dandelion. We still had time. Our hourglass hadn't run out of sand yet. Our clock hands were still ticking. Ticking to every beat of summer haze poured down upon us. We were still young.

As if on cue, both Peeta and I took a breath and blew.

_Blow soon to never and never to twice_

_(blow life to isn't; blow death to was)_

—_all nothings only ourselves hugest hope_

_The most who die, the more we live_

Dandelion seeds were sent twirling into the blue sky like snowflakes.


	58. AN

Ah. Here we are once again at the end of a wonderful story (or so I think, haha). Now, to properly end this, some things are in order. Thanks go before everything else, though.

First, thank you to all of my absolutely wonderful, beautiful friends whom I know your names. To Hannah, Adnan, Haleigh, Michelle, Nicole, Ashley, Megan, and Rachel. You eight have helped me out when I had the worst writers block, you put up with my endless annoying questions asking your opinions, you were there to help me laugh my butt off when I was having an off day, you just make life better. I love you guys more than anything.

And to RipredtheGnawer, Nagemmm, ixdookiie, TheDarkAngelofAwesome, Mellark's Heart, WakeYourDreams01, Animal-Queen-Stephanie, TheMockingjay111, Emilie12, Peeta 4eva, Amara Kingley, MountainAir, Little Miss Spaz, Meg123, Half of Halves, and iluvdinos. I don't quite know how to say this without sounding cheesy, but still making you understand exactly what I mean. It has been over a year since I got Lo and Behold out, and since then, it was like I have grown friendships with each and every one of my faithful reviewers. I look forwards to the ones who I know will make me laugh my arse off, I know those of you who actually give good critique, I can actually say "Oh, yeah, so-and-so reviews my stories a lot! I know her, she has a really great personality". I feel like I know each of you personally, even if I don't always respond to your reviews or whatnot. I just want all of you to understand exactly how much you mean to me, and to understand that no matter what—even if I don't respond to any of your reviews—just remember that I get all of them and I appreciate all of them.

Plus, something that helps defend my cause… You all know that reading a story with 55 chapters is intimidating. No one wants to read all of that, do all of the work, blahblahblah. So 60% of you guys have stuck with me from the very beginning or Lo and Behold, 80% of those has stuck with me through Gravity. I've known you for ages. Not many new people join the ranks of awesomeness. It's like living in a small town. You know everyone and love everyone and wouldn't mind lending five bucks to someone or a cup of sugar to your old neighbor. This is our little group, and you know it. So thank you from the very bottom of my heart to those who have stuck with me, and in a way, made a better person out of me.

People who read this story aren't just "readers". They don't read the chapters, maybe review if they have something to say. They are readers hopping from story to story, not actually caring much. But I feel as though I've made an impression on you guys. I feel like we have some corny bond because this story belongs to all of us. Those who have stuck with me and made me laugh and helped me limp along when I was too weak (or just plain wimpy) to carry on alone. But we made something great here. A writer isn't a writer without readers.

Okay, my cheesy speech is done, and the most I can hope for is that you all understood what I just said and realize just how much this all means to me. Now that Gravity is completed and I have started high school, things are going to be different. I will not put up the first chapter of the third story for a while (unless of course I decided I can't take it any longer), but it goes out to all of you. The third _is_ the last, and fear not because I have a super amazing tight-arse writer friend on one side who would beat me up with a baseball bat if I do anything wrong. And on my other side, I have the best Language Arts teacher ever. So with the combination of that and my brilliant brains (ahaha they aren't brilliant), #3 should be the best of all.

Keep an eye out for it, okay? I won't be gone long. Just long enough for you to miss me. ;) Good luck to all of you and your endeavors, and don't be afraid at all to keep in touch. :D:D

This is Soggybug, signing out for the second-to-last time. Stay awesome, all of you! See you next time. (haha I feel so cheesy)

***Rather irrelevant note: In the beginning of Gravity I told the year of everything, which was 3028. Until now, I realized how off I was. My mind was saying 2328. Haha. So the year is 2329, not 3028. Good lord, that would be like a thousand years


End file.
